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To be cross that my friend said my baby has a small willy?

(92 Posts)
Zara1984 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:36:18

Just that. She said he had big balls but a small willy (while I was changing his nappy). Why would you say that about a 4 month old baby boy? angry

Am I being over sensitive? I feel like this is just the start of awful sexual stereotypes put on him. sad

girliefriend Wed 06-Mar-13 18:39:55

Does she have children? YANBU but people without children say stupid things like that because they don't get how amazing your little baby is to you (imo) !!

Did you say anything to her? I would have said something like, 'don't say that about my baby, he is perfect in every way!'

CloudsAndTrees Wed 06-Mar-13 18:40:59

Could she just have been commenting, rather than criticising?

DeepPurple Wed 06-Mar-13 18:41:44

Some people really don't think do they?

foxache Wed 06-Mar-13 18:43:13

Weird how this affects you isn't it? Not just a willy thing, but any comment about your baby's appearance which isn't complimentary.

I understand how parents can be seen as over sensitive, but really, why comment at all? What reaction could she or others expect to receive?

So no I don't think you are BU, but I'd forget it as a rude and thoughtless comment. Or next time just ask her 'why would you say that?' hmm

babanouche Wed 06-Mar-13 18:43:39

Stupid thing for her to say. I would have been very pissed off. You don't diss a baby!

littlebitofthislittlebitofthat Wed 06-Mar-13 18:43:41

I'm sure she didnt mean anything by it..... I see lots of babies bits (i'm a childminder) and i can reassure you that willies come in all shapes and sizes.

your freind was being less than tactful, but i dont think that you should worry about it.

(think about it rationally... Have you ever seen two men with exactly the same gear?)

How strange commenting on his willy! i wonder what she meant by it?

ShesAStar Wed 06-Mar-13 18:44:40

Of all the things you could say about a baby that is one of the oddest, I bet she is sitting somewhere right now saying 'I can't believe what I say to Zara today, I'm mortified!' Sometimes stupid things just slip out. I'm sure your babies will is huge grin

NippyDrips Wed 06-Mar-13 18:45:22

You should have said - he's a baby, his small Willy has years to grow, your small mind however is fully grown.

Katienana Wed 06-Mar-13 18:45:24

Weird! Ds bits change size dramatically from one change to the.next so she is stupid for that reason alone. I bet she wouldn't comment on a girls genitals.

Zara1984 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:45:31

She has a boy too. She said my DS' penis was smaller than her DS'.

Maybe she was just commenting? She is a close friend. That's why I don't know if I'm being over sensitive. I just felt hurt and affronted that someone would pass comment on my baby's genitals confused

I didn't know what to say. I just said "really?!" and changed the topic. But I'm still annoyed about it.

WorraLiberty England Wed 06-Mar-13 18:45:32

It's a bit rude to comment on appearance in that way.

But you do seem OTT with your sexual stereotypes comment.

StuntGirl Wed 06-Mar-13 18:46:04

She sounds like a bloomin' idiot. Even if she thought it, who the hell thinks that's an appropriate thing to say!

Zara1984 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:47:30

ie I'm not scared he might grow up to have a small penis (who cares) but more like "my baby son is not a piece of meat"

I bet this cow is going to compare your two boys for years and years ahead.

LTB!

MerryMingeWhingesAgain Wed 06-Mar-13 18:47:37

grin That's what baby boys look like.

'Really' was the perfect thing to say, OP. She is barking.

Pitmountainpony Wed 06-Mar-13 18:49:21

Let it go. She just noticed something different to her child. My lovely neighbor said my daughter looks like a wrestler and to be fair the comment has some truth to it. The beauty is mums live their kids whether they have the wrestler or beauty queen look and she may never have seen another willy before. Just a knee jerk comment nothing more.

babyboomersrock Wed 06-Mar-13 18:49:28

Yuck. Quite inappropriate, as StuntGirl said.

Would she comment on an older child's genitalia?

Blessyou Wed 06-Mar-13 18:49:30

I say it about my ds2 all the time blush

ds1 however, has a long willy.

It's perhaps just the comparison for her too.

WorraLiberty England Wed 06-Mar-13 18:50:04

She didn't say he was a piece of meat

She said (rudely) he has a small penis.

If she'd said he had small ears would you think she was treating him like a piece of meat?

eltsihT Wed 06-Mar-13 18:50:56

I got weirded out the other day by my mum commenting on my sons willy, she said "it's a very different shape to your brothers he must had got it from His fathers side" comments about willies are just not needed, I am now wondering about how my son's is different from my brothers, not an image I needed or wanted!

OkayHazel Wed 06-Mar-13 18:51:28

I don't think she meant to be rude, she was probably just pointing out what she saw. If she's only used to grown up willies a baby's might be a little out of the ordinary for her!

slatternlymother Wed 06-Mar-13 18:52:04

YANBU, she was rude and odd.

Does she often do things like this or is this a one off?

Mrsrobertduvall Wed 06-Mar-13 18:52:50

I have a dear friend who always banged on about her ds's huge willy when he was a toddler.
I was with her a few weeks ago, and she was still going on about it...he is now 14 grin

babyboomersrock Wed 06-Mar-13 18:53:32

"I'm not scared he might grow up to have a small penis (who cares) but more like 'my baby son is not a piece of meat'"

Exactly. I don't understand why another mother would even notice. She sounds insensitive, to put it kindly.

Zara1984 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:54:09

Worra you're right, I wouldn't be as annoyed if she commented on his ears, legs etc. I guess in my head I automatically associated the comment as a "locker room taunt" IYSWIM

Zara1984 Wed 06-Mar-13 18:57:12

She is usually very nice.

mrsrobertduvall seriously?! At 14 she still makes those comments?! If her DS knew he'd probably want to climb under a rock and die.

LynetteScavo England Wed 06-Mar-13 18:57:37

If it didn't matter to either of you, she wouldn't have mentioned it, and you wouldn't be upset.

I would never point out to other mums their DS wasn't well endowed but then my DS are ample in that area, and it might look like I was boasting , but I wouldn't tell a very good friend they are flat chested or have mahooosive norks either. It's not polite.

willesden Wed 06-Mar-13 18:58:42

I used to chat to a mum at the school gates who would tell anyone within earshot, on a regular basis, about her son's huge willy. He was 5 years old at the time. We moved at the end of year 2 and I never heard from her again. He would be in Yr 7 now so I imagine he is tripping over the damn thing by now.

Sleepybunny Wed 06-Mar-13 18:59:24

Simple solution, tell her she's got crap tits

grin

Acandlelitshadow Wed 06-Mar-13 19:01:55

Talk about turning competitive parenting into an extreme sport hmm

Ignore, ignore, ignore. She clearly has no filter.

SirBoobAlot Wed 06-Mar-13 19:02:27

I've got a family member who has mentioned on several occasions that her grandson has a very large willy. She once said it front of DS who declared, "My willy is sometimes large and sometimes small", then carried on playing...

People are odd.

Acandlelitshadow Wed 06-Mar-13 19:03:25

Eye rolling at willygirl, not Sleepybunny BTW. grin @crap tits

Zara1984 Wed 06-Mar-13 19:06:08

grin I think I would get a catsbummouth reaction to crap tits retort

I have visions now of when they're 4, her DS telling my DS "my mum says my willy is bigger than yours" and then my boy starting to cry

<fretful mother hand-wringing>

confused

SolomanDaisy Wed 06-Mar-13 19:07:42

My DS has one of those anatomically correct boy dolls and it has huge balls and a small willy, I assume that's just what most baby boys look like!

Your friend is v v odd to choose that as something to comment on. Baby comments should only ever be positive!

sue52 Wed 06-Mar-13 19:09:02

your friend is clearly a bit strange. I bet she will become a huge embarrassment to her DS as he grows older.

Zara1984 Wed 06-Mar-13 19:13:04

Soloman I am reassured that my son looks like your DS' anatomically correct doll gringringrin

specialsubject Wed 06-Mar-13 19:15:07

what a very bizarre comment for an adult to make.

crashdoll Wed 06-Mar-13 19:16:27

YANBU. It was a bit rude and very odd. Who comments on a baby's willy?!

slatternlymother Wed 06-Mar-13 19:20:31

If she's usually nice, I'd shrug it off. But if she brings it up again, I'd laugh and say 'what an odd comment to make!'

MechanicalTheatre Wed 06-Mar-13 19:22:56

That is such an odd thing to say.

NoelHeadbands Wed 06-Mar-13 19:23:12

What an absolute fuckwit

Yfronts Wed 06-Mar-13 19:24:13

Maybe she thought she was being funny? Don't be over sensitive about it

FastidiaBlueberry Wed 06-Mar-13 19:26:10

Yes.

All babies with willies have small willies. And small ears, small eyes, small mouths, small hands, small feet...

She sounds a bit odd though. I don't think I'd be affronted by her comment, just a bit mystified.

Floggingmolly Wed 06-Mar-13 19:26:43

Competitive parenting starts earlier and earlier. Ditch her well before reading levels rear their ugly head!
It's a ridiculously inappropriate comparison to make.

Cakethrow Wed 06-Mar-13 19:29:57

She sounds like an insensitive idiot.
All little boys have small willies, like the rest of them is small (I have 2)

She also sounds as if she is already pitching the competition between your babies so wait for the sleeping/eating/crawling/walking/teething etc. etc. that'll be fun for you.

WrigglyWorm Wed 06-Mar-13 19:36:55

I think she was being insensitive OP - however, a baby in my NCT group (naice) had a really massive willy. Even as a newborn, it was a WANG and honestly we all noticed as we saw his mum changing nappies/swimming etc etc and didn't say anything...until a drunken night out when it was broached. I mean it really was ENORMOUS. She didn't mind a bit talking about it as there was no competition, just a good natured laugh really. I think give your friend the benefit of the doubt and ignore, try to forget you are a bit cross. But if she says anything again just say "How rude!".

I can't believe that people compare the penii of their offspring and get competitive about it. Bizarre.

abbyfromoz Wed 06-Mar-13 19:40:39

Hmmm... I dont know what she was expecting to see! But even if you think it- why would you say it?
Am i wrong in thinking it might be a bigger issue for males than females though?... My cousin said DD had a fat fanny when she was born.... I thought HAHA! So she does... She also has fat roley poley legs and a big round tummy and chubby cheeks!

LandysOffRoad Wed 06-Mar-13 19:42:11

Maybe she meant it as in "he has such a small willy" like you would say "he's got such small hands/feet/nose" etc rather than it being meant as a bad thing. Maybe she was just surprised at not all babies being the same and it slipped out

DoJo Wed 06-Mar-13 19:48:19

I can't believe everyone's so outraged by it - if she just mentioned it by way of comparison, then surely it's more likely just to be something she noticed fairly innocently isn't it? In the same way that my friends and I have compared: height, foot size, length of time doing sad face before actually breaking out the tears, amusement expressed at farting etc. There is nothing competitive about it, just noticing differences between babies who are all at pretty much the same stage of development especially when you happen to see them side by side or notice something which is considerably different from your own. I personally wouldn't be offended by someone mentioning the size of any of my son's body parts - OP is it just because she said it was small? Would you be as annoyed if she had said it was much larger than her son's?

superstarheartbreaker Wed 06-Mar-13 19:51:13

YANBU; she sounds like a right wierdo. This is taking competetive parenting to dizzy new heights; my babies genitals are biggger than your babies genitals. I mean WTF!

LadyGoneGaga Wed 06-Mar-13 19:52:50

It does go the other way. I've had numerous people commenting on the size of my son's willy when he was a baby (large). I wasn't offended. Which has resulted in me having entire conversations with both DM and DMiL about the size of pretty much every male in the families willies. Isn't it just a body part like any other really? Like looking back in the family tree to see that Great Uncle Brian had a big nose? Or that Granny has knobbly knees. Or Auntie val was a martyr to her elbows?

pigletmania Wed 06-Mar-13 19:53:48

Very rude and odd, I would have said Hes a baby his willy is ment to be like that! I would have told her that body parts come in all shoes and sizes, silly woman!

Sprite21 Wed 06-Mar-13 20:04:09

I have never understood the social acceptability of talking about the size or shape of your son's genitalia in public. But mums in my NCT group seem to discuss it jokingly. I don't get it. And personally I think it's a double standard as you wouldn't comment on a baby girl's (surely).

xigris Wed 06-Mar-13 20:12:08

I think it's just yet another bit of competitive parenting: I've got a friend who has to have the best or be the best at everything in comparison to us. It's all very wearing and imo so unnecessary. We were changing our babies' nappies together once and I could see her craning over to get a quick shufty at my son's willy. She then went on and on and on about how sorry she felt for another friend who's baby boys willy was (adopt whispery voice) tiny. She followed this bizarre statement up with (adopt loud ringing tones) "of course Englebert's* willy is huge!! He's a very well endowed boy; just like his father!!!" Why? Why!?! Ignore ignore. That's my advice. I have 3 DSs and they vary in that department hugely (pardon the pun)

*not his real name funnily.

Zara1984 Wed 06-Mar-13 20:14:30

DoJo I don't think it was just because she said it was small, but perhaps I might have been less affronted if she had said my DS' was enormous. In my head it I think it was like this: "Eh? Does she go around looking at other baby's willies to compare with her DS'? And my sweet lovely perfect DS has a small one? But small always = bad when it comes to willies, surely? So this is derogatory? Does that mean people are going to tease him? Eh? WTF is going on here..."

Also I think there was a bit of me being horrified because discussion of willy size is something that's generally done in a sexual context. And I don't want anyone to think of my sweet little baby in that way.

But maybe I'm overthinking it. <PFB syndrome>

ENormaSnob Wed 06-Mar-13 20:25:52

I just find it odd that anyone would comment on a baby's genitalia.

I would probably have been extremely insulting back tbh.

BimbaBirba Wed 06-Mar-13 20:29:27

Is it not possible that she said it in a lighthearted kind of way without any hint I competitiveness? I suppose if she was very close friend who's never been mean or competitive I wouldn't over think it like you're doing.

honeytea Wed 06-Mar-13 20:31:15

I had no idea babies willys came in different sizes confused I am going to be a creepy lady peeping over at the other mums at baby singing changing their baby boys at baby massage tomorrow.

Very odd of your friend to comment.

We did joke when I was pregnant that DS was not shy, there was no chance of not knowing he was a boy at his 20 week ultrasound, i think he might have had a baby erection because it was unnaturally big and pointy uppy. Now it is just a willy, like a 1/10 version of a grown up willy.

MrsCampbellBlack Wed 06-Mar-13 20:31:36

I think it was a very odd thing to say.

God knows in this world having a huge willy is still seen as being a wonderful thing so it was a negative comment.

So she's either a bit dim/insensitive/rather mean.

But ignore her.

HollyBerryBush Wed 06-Mar-13 20:39:20

I have to say my DB, upon seeing DS1 bing changed for the first tiem announced "he wont have trouble with the girls will he???" >nudge nudge<

I was a bit hmm, what if girls didnt float his boat.

But also, at the child minders (summer, paddling pool, all the kids had shucked thier clothes), I was absolutely awstruck at the then 3 yo who had one that touched his knees (I kid ye not) and it took all my powers to not stare. One can only hope he grew into it because he'd never get underpants to fit if he didnt!

HollyBerryBush Wed 06-Mar-13 20:41:27

PS - I can spell, honest!

MarieLou100 Wed 06-Mar-13 20:59:44

I remember my sister comparing my son's willy unfavourably with my nephew's under the guise of being 'concerned' about it. I was quietly furious. She also went on to be 'concerned' about my daughter's perceived lack of chin so I decided maybe this was more about her than my children.

Grindmygears Wed 06-Mar-13 21:05:57

I think it really weird to comment on a child genitalia. Seriously weird.

DoJo Wed 06-Mar-13 22:16:53

I suppose I just think of their willies like any other body part at this age, just one you don't see as much because they are in nappies, and it's the reactions to the comment which sexualise it for me, but I didn't hear how she said it so maybe it's just the way I'm interpreting it from your OP. Would you be bothered if she had said your son had smaller hands than hers, or longer toes? As I say, it wouldn't bother me in the slightest but then it wouldn't occur to me that someone was sexually stereotyping my tiny baby either.

OP I totally get your crossness; when my sister first saw DS being bathed she came out with "Oh he's got such a tiny willy, it's sooooo small!" hmm

She didn't mean it nastily as such, but her sons have 'famously' large willies (again hmm ) and I've heard all about them numerous times...
Tbh I think she'd rather they were less well endowed, she's rather sick of her DSs willy competitions and coming downstairs to breakfast to find them comparing erections... grin

GirlWiththeLionHeart Thu 07-Mar-13 09:08:25

Do you think you would've been as upset if she had said your ds had a bigger willy than her ds?

comingintomyown Thu 07-Mar-13 09:19:16

I am so glad I dont have a willy to worry about

Thats revolting Tiddly

OP YANBU

Floggingmolly Thu 07-Mar-13 09:21:00

The fact that she saw fit to compare and contrast is strange enough in itself, Girl, whoever actually "won" the competition.

Flobbadobs Thu 07-Mar-13 10:47:54

Weird weird weird!
Who on earth has conversations about a baby's genitals? I'm afraid I wouldn't have been cross OP, I would have said "what the fuck are you on about?" And laughed in her face...
Some people feel the need to comment on everything...

RedHotRudieParts Thu 07-Mar-13 11:10:19

Jesus christ, i'd have catsbummed her into oblivion.

Mind you if it wasnt socially acceptable for women to put down / laugh at men who arent lucky enough to be blessed with a huge willy it probably wouldnt be an issue. wink

ChunkyChicken Thu 07-Mar-13 11:33:09

I have a 16wo DS and a 2.10yo DD. I have honestly never thought to look at a naked baby/baby being nappy changed and compare genitalia. But then, I wouldn't necessarily compare any physical aspect of a baby - they'll all different one way or another!! I might possibly say something like 'DS has a sticky out belly button, so does DD, but your dc doesn't.' Or 'DS loves getting naked for a nappy change, just like DH' although obviously DH doesn't wear a nappy grin

I would find it a very strange comparison to be made, regardless of whether it was favourable or unfavorable.

Having said that, a friend with 2 DS once commented that her youngest was a tripod... But I think that's different because it was her that raised the subject & making the comparison iyswim.

YANBU.

It's just odd

Ds4 is 5 weeks old and I spent hours listening to the women in the next bed to me go on about her newborns massive balls, the whole family were at it. Also how "contented" he was at the grand age of 3 hours while my 2 day old screamed in the background grin

Feminine Thu 07-Mar-13 11:58:50

Your friend, op is an idiot.

Question your friendship from now on. If a friend can make such a crass and ignorant comment about his penis, I'd be wondering about her opinion on anything from now on.

So of course you are not being unreasonable.

DonderandBlitzen Thu 07-Mar-13 12:11:04

Could you say "ooh your son has moobs!"

ItsallisnowaFeegle Thu 07-Mar-13 12:16:43

My DP likes to say how our tiny baby has a big willy. I just say yes dear it's already much bigger than yours wink

I'm sorry your friend was so tactless and unnecessary to boot.

I don't think it's U to be pissed off full stop. No need to comment on a tiny persons genitalia.

cumfy Thu 07-Mar-13 12:35:49

Next time comment:

Ooh nice big ears, but quite small eyes wink

JennyPiccolo Thu 07-Mar-13 12:43:09

Haha, why would you be looking at a baby's penis with a critical eye? Your friend is weird.

Floggingmolly Thu 07-Mar-13 12:54:11

What does he have 3 of, ChunkyChicken? Surely not willies? shock if so, he wins

thebody Thu 07-Mar-13 12:58:28

Very distasteful. I have a friend who comments on the size of her sons bits, he's now 13!! Got just sick of this and told her that if she made these comments to a social worker she might get a knock on the door.

Boundaries need to be kept and I would tell your friend that you feel her remarks about a child's private parts are unacceptable.

JaquelineHyde England Thu 07-Mar-13 13:03:15

A friend of mine used to comment on my DS's willie all the time.

He was about 2 and she just started going on about what a huge willie he has and then compairing his willie to her 8yr old son's willie shock

She called her son's willie a peanut and my son's a whopper, I was mortified especially as she did this all in front of her son as if it was a big joke shock

Needless to say she is an ex friend that I haven't seen for years now.

Zara1984 Thu 07-Mar-13 13:22:41

grin Cumfy

Zara1984 Thu 07-Mar-13 13:24:47

And Donder!! Haha. Ok I feel better now about being cross. If she mentions it again (or similar crass comparisons) I am going to tell her off.

Not going to tell DH though or he'll be furious confused

AThingInYourLife Thu 07-Mar-13 13:27:42

"it's a very different shape to your brothers he must had got it from His fathers side"

Ahaaaaa haaaahahaha grin

Tears rolling down my face.

eltsih - I really want to meet your mother grin

ChunkyChicken Thu 07-Mar-13 14:51:19

No floggingmolly not 3 of anything, his willy is so substantial in size it is, apparently, so big it is as long as his legs & he could therefore be a tripod - I.e have 3 legs. I obviously watch childish humoured programmes to understand this smile

Floggingmolly Thu 07-Mar-13 14:54:57

Ah, same problem as DH, then wink

Fakebook Thu 07-Mar-13 14:58:33

I had a woman peering over DS when I was weighing him at the health visitor sessions. I walked a bit around to hide his penis and she came closer and peered right over me looking at him laying their naked. The hv was a bit shocked too, so I got the wipes and covered him and looked at her with a "WTF are you doing" look. I don't think she realised what she was doing and kind of walked off embarrassed.

Honestly, what is it with people and baby's willys? They're all different like different shaped noses.

bottleofbeer Thu 07-Mar-13 15:01:46

Me and my firends had a mad run of baby boys. It'd be "come on then, let's have a look" then nod and agree it was impressive.

It was a running joke.

Moistenedbint Thu 07-Mar-13 16:55:15

Simple solution, tell her she's got crap tits

This... And as for her comparing her sons penis with your baby's.. I've heard of "competitive parenting" but that really takes the piss.

Male genitalia - always a source of mirth. Few brave enough to ridicule a girl/womans nether religions though..

Beepbeep1 Thu 07-Mar-13 17:03:13

How strange. My dad (who is lovely, lovely) made a comment about DSs willy when I was changing him once. I can't remember what it was - not about size. I think it was because he was embarrassed and didn't know what to say. Of course you just don't say anything but some people don't have that filter. Perhaps it was that?

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