Note: Please bear in mind that whilst this topic does canvass opinions, it is not a fight club. You may disagree with other posters but we do ask you please to stick to our Talk Guidelines and to be civil. We don't allow personal attacks or troll-hunting. Do please report any. Thanks, MNHQ.

to think this is weird wedding wording?

(69 Posts)
moogy1a Wed 06-Mar-13 14:56:57

A new variation on the children at weddings scenario.
Just received an invitaion which says " due to venue capacity we are only able to invite a small number of children*these have been randomy selected*and it is not meant to cause much offence.
"randomly selected"?!! Why not selcted in terms of closeness to family/ parents who can't get childcare for the day/ anything other than random?
Did b&g pick names out of the hat?

Iseeall Wed 06-Mar-13 15:01:33

Very odd. Have your dc be randomly selected?

PuffPants Wed 06-Mar-13 15:02:50

That is very weird. It is also a lie. They have invited the children of their closest friends.

moogy1a Wed 06-Mar-13 15:02:54

Yes thay have. They were obviously one of the first out of the tombola

Geordieminx Wed 06-Mar-13 15:02:55

Crazy.... Do they think its the Olympics? Did they hold an independently verified ballot? Are the t&c's available on their website? wink

PuffPants Wed 06-Mar-13 15:04:19

Are you close friends? If not, perhaps I'm wrong. Still very strange. Surely family first then people who are traveling and won't have childcare.

Caitycat Wed 06-Mar-13 15:04:22

I agree it's odd, after all the randomly selected people may have childcare available and prefer to come alone whilst others may be unable to attend without their children. I would have thought if they really don't mind which children come it might be better to say something on the lines of "we only gave very limited space for children but would love as many friends as possible to attend so if you need to bring children please let us know and we will accommodate as many requests as we can".

hortensemancini Wed 06-Mar-13 15:04:25

Ha! I like the way it's not mean to cause much offence. Just a moderate amount of irritation.

Nope, they have invited the DC of their closest friends except for one, badly behaved, sticky set. Hence the 'random' ruse.

moogy1a Wed 06-Mar-13 15:06:11

we are very close family, so I also doubt the randomness of it.

fluffyraggies Wed 06-Mar-13 15:07:02

hortens i thought that - the much offense bit. Just a little bit of offense then ... grin

PuffPants Wed 06-Mar-13 15:07:34

Ah well, I'm right then. Of course it's not random they're just worried about looking bad. Instead they look a bit daft grin

CloudsAndTrees Wed 06-Mar-13 15:08:31

There is no way the children were randomly selected.

aldiwhore Wed 06-Mar-13 15:08:43

and it is not meant to cause much offence. <<< just giggling at this bit. In other words, we mean to cause some offence!

fluffyraggies Wed 06-Mar-13 15:11:48

Our latest wedding invite was a 'no kids at the church or the do afterwards, thank you very much' one.

Fair enough, fair enough.
But after that it said:

'because after all, we ALL want to let our hair down'.

Written like that with capitals on the ALL. I found it odd. Neither the B or G have children - so i didn't understand what they were hinting at.
confused

PuffPants Wed 06-Mar-13 15:17:01

fluffyraggies, they were saying that it was to be a party for adults not kids. I went to a wedding once where nobody went near the dance-floor because a child was break-dancing on it ALL night long. His parents thought he was terribly entertaining but everyone else thought he was a precocious brat who should have been in bed! It definitely put people off "letting their hair down".

hortensemancini Wed 06-Mar-13 15:20:04

I think to be completely transparent about the random child selection, they should have allowed everyone to bring their children, lined them up outside the church, then played some 'tension music' while Ant and Dec read out the names of the lucky, randomly selected winners.

Then sent the unlucky ones home, obviously. In a minibus.

KatieMiddleton Wed 06-Mar-13 15:28:31

The much offence bit is funnier. We did mean to offend you but only moderately

atthewelles Wed 06-Mar-13 15:29:39

I would imagine that all of the 'randomly selected' children happen to be the well behaved, well brought up ones and all the 'unlucky' children happen to be the spoilt brats whose parents can be relied on to do absolutely nothing while they run amok during the ceremony and annoy everyone at the reception. smile

INeverSaidThat Wed 06-Mar-13 15:34:53

I can see where they are coming from. It's a little odd but it means they didn't have to work out some complex algorithm as to which children they 'should' invite depending on

Whether they are a close relative
Whether they are nice kids
Whether it is easy for the parents to get child care
If not inviting them will upset the kids parents/other relatives
If the kids parents previously invited your kids to their wedding
Etc etc

Someone should write a computer program for it. hmm

ErrorError Wed 06-Mar-13 16:29:56

Randomly selecting children!? What happens if a couple have 2 DCs and one child gets selected but the other doesn't, (going by 'out of a hat' method.) Bit sketchy that. I agree with atthewelles, 'random' kids will conveniently be older/well-behaved!

thezebrawearspurple Wed 06-Mar-13 17:18:54

It's their attempt at saying that nice, well behaved children that they like are invited and that sadly brats can't come ruin the day while their adoring parents smile on/ignore.

atthewelles Wed 06-Mar-13 17:22:53

Exactly. I don't think their wording will fool anyone. They would have been better off just inviting no children at all (although it might not do the parents of the brats any harm to realise that no, not everyone thinks your badly behaved, uncontrolled children are absolutely adorable).

Startail Wed 06-Mar-13 17:30:13

Why on earth can't people stop having stupid expensive hotel weddings and just have a buffet an a knees up in the village hall and invite everyone.

expatinscotland Wed 06-Mar-13 17:32:48

Too right, Startail.

ENormaSnob Wed 06-Mar-13 17:33:08

Yes I reckon it's the well behaved ones that got selected.

I don't mind kid free weddings at all but loathe it when the b and g make out its so we can let our hair down.

Because tbh, who can really let their hair down with various grandparents, parents, great aunts etc all over the show.

abbyfromoz Wed 06-Mar-13 17:33:48

Bahaha! Tell them you also 'randomly selected' their wedding gift... And get your children to pick it out.
Went to a wedding recently where the bride and groom paid for babysitters for anyone with children. Best wedding ever! (Besides ours wink)

StuntGirl Wed 06-Mar-13 17:44:09

Even if I got married in the village hall startail I still wouldn't invite everyone's kids!

MiaowTheCat Wed 06-Mar-13 18:19:21

Got married in the village hall... didn't invite kids! (There were very strong reasons behind the decision)

fluffyraggies Wed 06-Mar-13 18:43:43

Well, like i said, if folks don't want kids at their wedding or the party afterwards then that's up to then. Fair enough. Sad IMO not to include all the generations of a family. Imagine saying ''no old people please''! grin (and sending them instead to see the Lion King wink does anyone remember that?)

I just got the feeling that ''we ALL want to let our hair down'' in our invite was the sort of vague passive aggressive thing my mother would say!

I would second the thoughts here that the kids that are invited are the ones the B + G know for a fact will behave. Not very good form. Better to have all or none.

twentythirteen Wed 06-Mar-13 18:47:07

Maybe they invited all kids except the ones they don't like! I think the wording is hilarious and agree with the poster who talked about working within budgets. "Without causing much offence"? Poor people, trying to work out the cake to eating it ratio and failing regarding etiquette!

babanouche Wed 06-Mar-13 18:49:28

I hate this no kids at weddings thing. I think it's so antisocial and elitist. That invitation however is hilarious. I can just imagine them stressing so much about how to word it. They probably think they're acknowledging the offence but if they acknowledge it then it doesn't really count.

moogy1a Wed 06-Mar-13 18:51:00

well I shall be smug knowing my 3 are obviously exceptionally well behaved!!
I think it was just an unfortunate choice of words tbh. Just tickled me.

MrsKoala Wed 06-Mar-13 18:59:07

haha at 'much offense'. we recently received the rudest wedding invitation. it had many things about it which were worded badly and actually offensive. The invitation was to mr & mrs koala and there were numerous inserts added, one said 'if your child's name is NOT on the invitation they are NOT invited'. Erm okay, fair enough, but no need to shout!

moogy1a Wed 06-Mar-13 19:08:58

miaow you have to tell us the strong reasons

elliejjtiny Wed 06-Mar-13 19:37:18

I think the "we ALL want to let our hair down" thing is the B & G pretending to be considerate. They're saying "we are banning your children because we want you to have a nice relaxing time".

mrsjay Wed 06-Mar-13 19:39:20

the bride has read mumsnet then about children at weddings, randomly selected children does that mean a brother can go but his younger sister cant grin How daft is your children been selected wonder if they did it like the lottery wink

VivaLeBeaver Wed 06-Mar-13 19:42:00

It's a good job all 3 of your kids made the selection. Imagine if one had but not the other two. grin

mrsjay Wed 06-Mar-13 19:42:16

Sad IMO not to include all the generations of a family. Imagine saying ''no old people please''! (and sending them instead to see the Lion King does anyone remember that?)

yes whos thread was that somebodies friend who didnt want oldies at their wedding was really weird but funny

CocacolaMum Wed 06-Mar-13 19:42:31

..and may the odds be ever in their favour..

mrsjay Wed 06-Mar-13 19:43:05

what if 1 of the Randoms dont want their kids going maybe they want a day without their kids thats a bit awkward is it not grin

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 19:46:53

I can't bear the whole precious "our day" child-free stuff. So arrogant ad inhospitable.

That invitation is bizarre. I agree that it isn't random. It's almost as rude as saying "no children".

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 19:47:13

I can't bear the whole precious "our day" child-free stuff. So arrogant ad inhospitable.

That invitation is bizarre. I agree that it isn't random. It's almost as rude as saying "no children".

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 19:47:48

I can't bear the whole precious "our day" child-free stuff. So arrogant ad inhospitable.

That invitation is bizarre. I agree that it isn't random. It's almost as rude as saying "no children".

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 19:47:50

I can't bear the whole precious "our day" child-free stuff. So arrogant ad inhospitable.

That invitation is bizarre. I agree that it isn't random. It's almost as rude as saying "no children".

Greensleeves Wed 06-Mar-13 19:49:05

I really meant that blush

BreasticlesNotTesticles Wed 06-Mar-13 19:52:28

Say what you think Greensleves grin

Snowme Wed 06-Mar-13 20:00:55

Marry in registry office.
Everyone pile over to nearest pub with a function room.

Save yourself £20,000 and everyone still has a fantastic and memorable day to remember the rest of their lives.

Mind you, this penny pinching and very basic way of letting the world know you intend to love one person for the rest of your life is probably why no-one's ever proposed to me in my 44 years sad
Even men seem to want to impress everyone with showy venues and stretch limos these days. No romance in those.

wherearemysocka Wed 06-Mar-13 20:04:00

Some people just aren't that into children, I don't have a problem with people wanting something more adult - children change the dynamics of an event, for better or worse.

The invitation is weirdly worded, although I imagine there would be many more weddings with children if the bride and groom were able to stipulate which children. Unfortunately it's a case of all or nothing - most of the time!

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Wed 06-Mar-13 20:06:35

Yep, you obviously feel really strongly about that Greensleeves

The wording did make me laugh. If it is, as has been said, them banning badly behaved children then in a way I have to admire their nerve. Most will simply say no children.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Wed 06-Mar-13 20:07:25

Oops, there should be a grin at the end of the first sentence blush

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Wed 06-Mar-13 20:13:04

Every time these threads are posted there are always posters who say you should get a cheaper venue, eg village hall.

We don't have a village hall but even if I booked a price equivalent I would then have to get married in the register office. Our register office has two ceremony rooms, one holds up to 10 guest, the second up to 50 guests. That in itself would limit the number of people I could invite more effectively than booking a hotel wedding/other posh venue.

MrsLouisTheroux Wed 06-Mar-13 20:55:37

randomly selected?! hmm

Pipachi Wed 06-Mar-13 21:10:24

It is not meant to cause much offence? hmm

I would think that the phrase "these have been randomly selected" is the most diplomatic euphemism they could find to express "I don't care that you're [e.g. my sister] I'm not having your obnoxious brats pissing the rest of my guests off, and don't try complaining about our cousin's children being invited they are a pleasure to be around".

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 06-Mar-13 21:27:54

I think the wording is hilarious, but I think it's sad that those getting married have to make excuses. It's not about being bridezillish, it's about them being allowed to invite whoever they want to the party that they are throwing and paying for. If parents don't want to go because their DCs aren't invited, they can turn down the invitation.

HamAlive Wed 06-Mar-13 21:33:49

Why was a dancing child a precocious brat, Puff ? Must've been a tiny dance floor if there was no room for anyone else.

Snowme perhaps some people like those things? There might not be romance in them for you but there might be for others.

OP that is very odd wording. I wonder what their selection criteria were?

PurpleStorm Wed 06-Mar-13 22:09:33

Very odd wording. I agree with everyone who thinks that the selection process wasn't random at all!

BanjoPlayingTiger Wed 06-Mar-13 22:14:45

Most bizarre wording, but they most definitely are trying to exclude certain kids IMO. Clearly yours make the cut moogy

Panzee Wed 06-Mar-13 22:32:58

People can't do right for doing wrong.

simplesusan Wed 06-Mar-13 23:20:12

I am intrigued by the Lion King idea.
Can someone please link to that thread?

Personally I am liking the idea of going to see a show rather than attending a wedding, especially if it is all expenses paid. Sounds a great idea!

moogy1a Thu 07-Mar-13 07:22:38

I agree that b&g should invite who they want and I appreciate there are limits on numbers but I think putting that only close family / bridesmaids children etc. are invited wouldn't have caused "much offence"

GreenLeafTea Thu 07-Mar-13 07:32:29

Are either the bride or groom in middle management by any chance? They seem the types that enjoy putting long words into sentences but have no idea what they mean. They still think it sounds really professional though.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Thu 07-Mar-13 09:22:54
Iaintdunnuffink Thu 07-Mar-13 09:52:52

I would have to ask the how they operated the random selection? Names on bits of paper? Computer program? grin

I can only presume they don't want to invite children who are closer up the family tree but still have children of a close friend.

I don't have a problem with only selected children being invited but that is funny wording.

BeCool Thu 07-Mar-13 10:05:52

is this an example of when stupid people try to be clever!!!

Randomly selected children?? WTF? How? Why? Why? Why?
Didn't mean to cause MUCH offence - gwaff!!!! Foot in mouth!

Why not simply say "we are only able to invite a small number of children. Please don't be offended if yours aren't invited" and leave it at that.

I'm one of the people who don't believe in ageist weddings anyway - it's a family celebration - I'd invite all ages!

atthewelles Thu 07-Mar-13 10:22:46

I think its a great idea and more b&gs should copy it. Maybe, when their children have failed to be 'randomly selected' for 4 or 5 weddings in a row, the penny might drop with some of the inconsiderate parents out there who currently seem to be oblivious to how annoying and disruptive their little brats are.

simplesusan Thu 07-Mar-13 21:48:48

I have looked at the Lion King thread and it is hilarious. Thanks for that.

chateauferret Sat 09-Mar-13 14:10:23

I'd be telling them their wedding invite had been randomly selected for perpendicular rectal insertion, myself.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now