To think that I shouldn't put up with this

(49 Posts)
BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 05-Mar-13 20:26:39

general laziness and lack of respect from dp?

Amongst other things, I've just cooked him dinner, told him it was on the table, and he said he'd be there in s minute. An hour has passed and it's freezing cold now. I feel like crying as I'd asked him if I should heat it all up (cooked earlier so dc could have some) or put some in freezer and he didn't tell me then to put it in freezer as he wasn't going to have it. When I asked him a couple of times if he was going to eat it, he said "I'll throw it at you in a minute, if you keep asking". sad

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 05-Mar-13 20:32:58


KateDWales Tue 05-Mar-13 20:33:16

What exactly is he doing that's so important? I wouldn't bother cooking for him again until he can appreciate it and actually eat it! And throw it at you? Wtf! Is he like this regularly? if my husband said he would throw it at me, It would have gone in the bin and he would have been thrown out!

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 05-Mar-13 20:33:57

Is he usually so aggressive?

gobbin Tue 05-Mar-13 20:34:38

It's at that last comment that it would've been in the bin in my house, assisted by my own fair hand.

Shenanagins Tue 05-Mar-13 20:35:21

Don't bother cooking for him until he learns that his response was not acceptable and apologises.

Casmama Tue 05-Mar-13 20:36:51

Bin it and don't cook for him again till you get a grovelling apology. Is he always such a rude twat?

AnyFucker Tue 05-Mar-13 20:37:44

Erk, what a nasty twat

Has he threatened you before ?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 20:37:48

No you shouldnt, dont do anything for him, til he learns to appreciate you, how rude and uncalled for.

Seabright Tue 05-Mar-13 20:42:44

Amongst other things? If this is standard behaviour you need to take actio (and stop cooking)

WhataMistakeaToMakea Tue 05-Mar-13 20:45:26

Bin it.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 20:46:00

He'd throw it at you would he indeed OP.

I'd put it right in the bin along with him to be honest.

Bin. And lock the refrigerator. Twat.

IAmLouisWalsh Tue 05-Mar-13 20:47:50

Well, he'll get very good at making his own dinner from now on... knobhead. Pour it down his pants.

Airwalk79 Tue 05-Mar-13 20:49:17

It would be in the dog, and just sort yourself and the kids out.
Cheeky git, see how long it takes him to apologise, and make him sweat!

Do you cook every night? If DH said something like that to me he wouldn't have his dinner made again until I'd received a grovelling apology and a decent explanation about why he'd been so rude.

StuntGirl Tue 05-Mar-13 20:50:12

It would have gone straight in the bin and he could make himself his own supper if that's how he wants to behave.

Then I'd be having a pretty serious chat with him about respect.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 05-Mar-13 20:50:22

Oh I don't know, I do love him and he's lovely to me most of the time but I can't help feeling that he doesn't respect me enough, hence not even batting an eyelid after saying such horrible things.

I just went downstairs to find him heating it up, which equals re-reheating, which may equal the shits.......grin

KateDWales Tue 05-Mar-13 20:56:25

Not batting an eyelid says to me he doesn't care what he's said or how he's made you feel. I would sort it or get rid. And being lovely to you "most of the time" isn't good enough, should be all the time.

AnyFucker Tue 05-Mar-13 20:56:26

Your call if you are happy to be treated as lower than a second rate commis chef/waitress with a vagina

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 20:59:20

You mention lack of respect, it's a big deal in a relationship.

Does he think that a man is head of the household?

Does he think that women nag?

Does he think that he's the "breadwinner"?

Lucyellensmum95 Tue 05-Mar-13 21:07:03

with any luck he'll get food poisoning!

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 21:10:44

and a really bad case of the shits, the stuff thats so watery, you dont feel it coming.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 05-Mar-13 21:11:30

Clipped- maybe re: him being the breadwinner. I work bloody hard but most of my money goes on childcare. I know he loves me and he doesn't seem to realise he's being disrespectful. I go through phases sometimes of wondering wtf to do about it because I do love him and he loves me, and I don't want to leave him! But clearly I can't put up with being spoken to like this.

Why doesn't his money go on child care if he's the "breadwinner"?

ENormaSnob Tue 05-Mar-13 21:14:21

What a prick.

AnyFucker Tue 05-Mar-13 21:16:34

Are these your shared children ?

So why just your money on childcare ?

Would he leave them alone in the house while you both go to work, if you didn't pay ?

kitsilano Tue 05-Mar-13 21:18:27

Yes - it's not YOUR money going on childcare, it's his too. Come on!!!

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 05-Mar-13 21:23:12

We are a team; he pays all the other bills, for food, and for holidays, nights out etc. I feel a bit guilty posting now after reading some of the responses.... I was just upset at the time. I will have a serious talk with him later (he'll probably say he was just joking! What do you say back to that? Genuine question)

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 21:23:19

He has a mindset OP that isn't a good one and I doubt it will change.

I tend to call them "kings of their castle".

They don't change and we "women" are there to serve.

He spoke to you the way he did because he truly believes that he is entitled to.

He so isn't.

Cherriesarelovely Tue 05-Mar-13 21:25:51

Sorry but he sound awful. No you should absolutely NOT be putting up with this. He sounds very disrespectful and nasty. He clearly doesn't care much about your feelings if he is happy to behave like that.

cumfy Tue 05-Mar-13 21:27:17

But this isn't the first time he's done something like this ... is it ?

SirBoobAlot Tue 05-Mar-13 21:33:53

He speaks to you like that and you insist he loves you? He has no respect for you.

You deserve better than this bullshit.

Nanny0gg Tue 05-Mar-13 21:46:14

Well, the joke wasn't very funny was it?
I would just very seriously say, that if he couldn't be arsed to speak to you properly then you wouldn't be cooking/washing/cleaning or anything else until he did.

I feel foolish asking this because I bet I can guess the answer... Does everyone get the same amount of no work-no DC-no chores time off? Does everyone get the same amount of disposable income (not for the DC, for adults to spend on what they like)?

Also, threatening to throw something at you, LTB.

He's not very nice is he?
How can you say he loves you, he has no respect for you.

madonnawhore Tue 05-Mar-13 21:55:33

No. You shouldn't have to put up with it.

He sounds like a nasty bully.

yellowbrickrd Tue 05-Mar-13 22:11:10

You shouldn't feel guilty about posting - you voiced something very serious i.e. that even though believe you are a team and you love him there is something very wrong with the way your dp treats you.

Everyone has agreed with you - you shouldn't have to put up with it.

I'm afraid you sound very lacking in confidence if you need to ask what you should say when he makes a 'joke' out of it. Tell him it's not funny! Tell him it makes you feel degraded and upset. If he still thinks it's funny after that then he clearly doesn't love you.

pigletpower Tue 05-Mar-13 22:28:34

To be honest why did you keep going on about his tea? You are not his mother.I tell my husband that his tea is ready to eat.If he doesn't come right away-well fuck.It's up to him when he eats it.I must confess that my response would be the same as your partners.Stop nagging.

"he doesn't seem to realise he's being disrespectful."
Then he's an arse. But, you could just tell him that he is being disrespectful every time he is disrespectful. Like tonight. Did you say anything to him about his behaviour?

"he'll probably say he was just joking! What do you say back to that? Genuine question"
What would I say to that? 'No you were not joking. Jokes are funny. In what fucking universe was what you said FUNNY? How is threatening to throw something at me FUNNY you prick?'

TBH, OP, the tone of your posts concerns me. You sound whipped. You sound resigned. As if you've been fighting an uphill battle and are just dog tired. YOu have my sympathy.

MagicHouse Tue 05-Mar-13 23:06:50

I would definitely stop cooking for him from now on.
If he says it was a joke, you tell him you didn't find it funny - you found it really upsetting.
If he still isn't bothered or dismisses that, then you really do need to think about your marriage and how to change things (or get out like I did!!) In my experience, if you allow disrespect to creep in, it has a habit of getting worse and worse, until you can feel utterly browbeaten by it if you're not careful.

Twattybollocks Wed 06-Mar-13 06:39:24

Dont cook for him again until he apologises. I would also give him a dressing down about his manners. He may not like being spoken to like a child, but if he insists on displaying the manners of a rude child, that's what hed get from me!

BeckAndCall Wed 06-Mar-13 07:20:35

This sounds like a mountain out of a molehill to me.

You'd already cooked it earlier for your DC - you hadn't prepared it specially for your DH. And it doesn't sound like you were waiting for him so that you could eat together?

OK, he didn't say 'don't put it in the microwave yet' but equally he didn't say he wanted it now - you just assumed he did. If he's eating on his own a heated up dinner, what does it matter when he has it?

But manners would have indicated that he should have said 'oh, sorry sweetheart I've just started something will take me an hour' or at lest asked if you were waiting for him. But I think he's getting a rough ride here. And who knows what tone of voice when he said he'd throw it at the OP - doesn't sound funny in black and white but in the moment, who knows?

exoticfruits Wed 06-Mar-13 07:27:39

I would tell him that if he ever does that again be will have to cook his own dinners.

purrpurr Wed 06-Mar-13 07:34:20

I could've put money on you saying that he's lovely really, OP. Perhaps you might take some time to read the Relationships section on here.

ChairmanWow Wed 06-Mar-13 07:51:04

Beckandcall she mentions at the top of the OP a general laziness and lack of respect. I suspect then that this wasn't an isolated incident.

I'd be interested to know who does the housework. Are you still cleaning up/doing bedtimes etc while he pleases himself or do you share chores? I don't think either person should be allowed to relax until everything is finished.

Also re finances, as PP mentioned, do you have the same disposable income? Most of your salary goes on childcare, which as we all know is insanely expensive. Does most of his salary go on everything else? I just wonder if there's any equality in the relationship.

Please don't feel you have to try and defend him on here if he's behaving poorly. We don't know you or him and therefore won't be there to judge you in RL. You might as well take the opportunity to be open.

BinksToEnlightenment Wed 06-Mar-13 08:06:57

No he definitely shouldn't ever do anything like that.

shesariver Wed 06-Mar-13 08:12:42

Why are you so worried if he eats or not? Let him go hungry, if he is not eating what you cook him stop cooking.

complexnumber Wed 06-Mar-13 08:35:08

How many times did you ask him if he was going to eat it?

I don't understand why you needed to ask more than once.

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