to be absolutely bloody furious with my DC?

(129 Posts)
VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 18:54:56

Came home from work at 6 to find the fridge wide open thanks to either DS1 or 2. The contents were warm, meaning it has clearly been open all day. So have just spent the last 45 mins chucking the entire contents of the fridge (maybe £60 worth at a guess).

This is a fortnight after DS2 left the freezer open all night and I had to throw everything out.

Both deny it was them, neither has apolgised or gives much of a shit. I have cried because its money I can ill afford to waste, let alone that as I don't drive it is hard work restocking the fridge in one go.

They are 14 and 11 btw, so not babies.

HildaOgden Tue 05-Mar-13 18:58:22

I'd be pissed off too,especially as it's the second time.

I'd send them both to the supermarket with a list to re-stock.With a very firm warning that if it ever happens again,you're selling their playstation/phone/whatever to pay for it.

LadyPessaryPam Tue 05-Mar-13 19:00:12

I would feed them really boring cheap food for a while and blame it on the fact that all the food spoiled. They might get the message then.

Smartiepants79 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:00:15

If you are quite sure it was one of them I would feed them on beans on toast for at least a week and not replace any food that you would normally buy just for them!
Do they get pocket money, if so, use it to buy more food.grin

BreasticlesNotTesticles Tue 05-Mar-13 19:02:06

I would be pissed off. I agree, send them both to restock, and punish both of them, stop pocket money or treats perhaps?

CwtchesAndCuddles Tue 05-Mar-13 19:04:18

Was there really nothing you could save? Chucking everything seems extrem couldn't you have cooked some of it?

How old are your ds, it sounds like they need to learn the value of things. Basic rations until they learn..............

Fleecyslippers Tue 05-Mar-13 19:05:37

Put a lock on it. Once is forgiveable. Twice just means they don't give a damn.

YANBU

ll31 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:07:32

throwing out everything is ott... annoying tho it is...

YABU and very silly to have chucked away the entire contents of your fridge, most of it would have been ok to cook and re-chill or use up in some way.

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 19:10:09

It was definitely one of them. When I went into the fridge this morning (and closed the door) there were 2 chocolate bars. Both have now gone. Its only me and them in the house.

There is no way they would go to the supermarket for me. I have told them them they can live on toast til I have time to go myself. They don't get pocket money so I can't stop that.

wiltingfast Tue 05-Mar-13 19:10:31

Agree I wouldn't have been so hasty to chuck stuff out! There's v little in my fridge that would have been irretrievable. Leftovers should go I guess or be eaten that night. Milk will probably go off fairly quickly after getting warm but otherwise? Veg surely ok, fruit ditto, cheese ok, butter ok... Wine defo ok ;)

Pancakeflipper Tue 05-Mar-13 19:10:35

Entire contents? Cheese? Butter? Yoghurts? Any salad veg stuff?
I might have thrown out meat stuff but I would have kept the rest.

Get a fridge alarm thingy. And one for the freezer.

Tee2072 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:12:54

Well, if they want to eat they'd better find a way to go to the supermarket for you.

Sounds like they know who is in charge at your house and it's not you.

Leithlurker Tue 05-Mar-13 19:12:54

In that situation and knowing for absolutely certain it could not have any one else, no friends round, no work man in, no neighbours popping round, DH/DP, only the 2 DC's as possible culprits. I would impose the same punishment on both. So both lose screen time, or miss one activity in the next week.

The waste is bad enough, the loss of money is certainly going to be hard to get over, the extra money spent just adds to the misery. For me though the lack of respect for everyone in the house, plus the lack of honesty for not owning up is what the punishment is for.

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 19:15:39

I wouldn't have taken a chance using any of it tbh. The food was warm to the touch and meat/fish was starting to smell bad. I'd rather chuck it than risk being ill.

Goodadvice1980 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:21:09

Padlock on the fridge - taht'll learn 'em!! grin

hatgirl Tue 05-Mar-13 19:21:28

The food was warm to the touch and meat/fish was starting to smell bad. I'd rather chuck it than risk being ill

if thats really the case then you could probably spend some money turning the heating down! food in a fridge not shut properly shouldn't go off/ that warm that quickly even if it was ajar all day!

Goodadvice1980 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:21:28

D'oh - that'll ....

hatgirl Tue 05-Mar-13 19:21:48

*save some money!!!

idshagphilspencer Tue 05-Mar-13 19:23:56

You can make them do the shopping you know....you are the adult in the house. No shopping equals no food.

complexnumber Tue 05-Mar-13 19:26:32

Agree with hatgirl.

Are you sure you needed to throw everything away? Or were you just trying to make a point? (Understandble in the circs.)

RedHotRudieParts Tue 05-Mar-13 19:27:09

You were being ridiculous throwing all the food away.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 19:27:35

I have to own up to doing this myself a few times. Never threw anything out though just shut the door grin

Startail Tue 05-Mar-13 19:28:19

eBay is your friend. Around £12 will get you an annoying alarm that goes bleep if the fridge gets slightly too warm.

We have one, it pleases DH and drives me nuts when putting shopping away.

CremeEggThief Tue 05-Mar-13 19:30:58

I feel for you, OP. It's the "don't care" attitude that hurts most, isn't it?

Have they got any money, i.e., savings or birthday money that they could use or you could take to pay for basic provisions for the rest of the week? Could it be ordered online?

Greensleeves Tue 05-Mar-13 19:31:21

I wouldn't punish both of them. That is really unfair to the one who did nothing wrong.

Agree with plain food and no treats for a while though, because that is the natural consequence of having to waste so much food (I also find it confusing that £60 worth of food could go off in a day)

Why won't they go to the shop for you? What would happen if you gave them a list and told them to go to the supermarket? Mine wouldn't be pleased, but if I told them to go, they would go!

crashdoll Tue 05-Mar-13 19:35:33

YABU for throwing all the food away. YANBU to be furious.

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 19:37:30

The door wasn't just ajar it was wide open. I don't have heating on during the day however my kitchen is always very warm.

I couldn't take the risk with the raw meat/fish. There was a lot of cooked meats for sandwiches etc (mainly chicken) and lots of yoghurts/milk - all warm.

We don't have butter or cheese so nothing to salvage there.

All the salad type veg was going brown/limp. I probably could have saved some soft fruit, but that was about it really.

We had more perishable stuff in the fridge than normal as there was also a bag of various ingredients for ds2s home ec class tomorrow.

They are now banned from x box until one of them owns up. I suspect it may be some time.

dearcathyandclare Tue 05-Mar-13 19:37:30

I can't believe you threw everything away, as stuff like cheese, butter eggs fruit and veg would have been absolutely fine. Even raw meat should be ok if you had cooked it properly.
But yanbu to be annoyed, kids do annoying things.

Leithlurker Tue 05-Mar-13 19:38:24

Yes it is really unfair but the one who is innocent will also learn that covering up for someone else has it's own penalties.

choccyp1g Tue 05-Mar-13 19:39:30

OP YANBU to chuck most of it away.

As I discovered recently, the problem with the fridge being left open is that the light stays on and actually heats it up, so you do end up having to throw away stuff that would have been fine at room temperature.

Tubegirl Tue 05-Mar-13 19:40:10

Could be time to teach them about the cost of things and how to budget. They obviously don't realise how tight money is or understand what food costs. Perhaps sit them down and meal plan for a week and complile a list. Get them to guess how much each item will cost. Take them shopping with you. I guarantee they'll be surprised. I did this with dsds who thought you could do a weekly shop on £20 for four. Agree that yanbu to feel hurt by their attitude.

LadyBeagleEyes Tue 05-Mar-13 19:42:05

I've done this myself before through carelessness. There's no way I'd throw the whole contents of the fridge away, though.
If it was just one day, unless you live in a really hot country, even the meat should have been ok.

olivertheoctopus Tue 05-Mar-13 19:44:55

YANBU. Withhold their pocket money to restock.

badguider Tue 05-Mar-13 19:47:00

Don't buy any fresh food for the rest of the week - they can live on beans on toast and dry cereal till you would normally do your next shop.
Unless either of them ownes up and apologises. But you know, they probably dont' even know they did it - it'll have been done completely unthinkingly, that's no excuse obviously but after a week of crap food they might be more thoughtful in future.

badguider Tue 05-Mar-13 19:48:29

Also, at 14 and 11 it's well past time they were able to help with the shopping... make this incident a catalyst for change and them taking more responsibility, as you said yourself, they're not babies any more.

YouTheCat Tue 05-Mar-13 19:50:04

Leaving a fridge/freezer door ajar is easily done. Leaving the fridge door wide open is just very very lazy.

Make them do jobs. Sell some beloved xbox games (you can trade in, I'd suggest the most recent/expensive game first). Feed them beans for a week.

lubeybooby Tue 05-Mar-13 19:52:40

Oh no!

I'd have used as much as i could today, and anything like cheese will be fine so retirve it if you've chucked it.

Also get an online delivery (tesco, sainsburys and ocado are all good never had a problem with any of them)

It's absolutely essential for me as a non driver in these busy times to not have to faff about actually shopping in person... fuck that!

Anyway to answer the question - yanbu. Hope they learn a lesson.

RobotHamster Tue 05-Mar-13 19:52:45

We once left the fridge door open a crack overnight and had to throw almost everything away! You'd think it would be ok but the light in the fridge had got so warm from being on so long that it was really warm in there!

I'm sure the OP isn't an idiot and wpuldnt have thrown food away unnecessarily. The issue isn't what food she was able to save, its how to stop the DC doing it again

gymmummy64 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:53:26

Well if they can't be trusted to close the door then tell them they can't be trusted to open it either. So lock it. If they need snacks before you get home from work, then it will have to be non-refrigerated snacks. Boring ones. That might link cause and effect rather better than removal of playstations.

GrowSomeCress Tue 05-Mar-13 19:55:15

Do we really need to tell the OP a million times about throwing the food away?
That's not the relevant point here.

olgaga Tue 05-Mar-13 19:56:00

What time do they get home?

I'd start looking at the issue of available/permissible snacks prior to your arrival home from work. I know my DD is starving by the time she gets home.

A far better punishment will be making only jacket potatoes and beans available for a few days.

Have to say I've left the fridge door open myself on occasion - I didn't realise, obviously. It's not like I did it on purpose! It happens.

Adolescence is a tumultuous time - there's no point expecting a developing brain to operate the same way as one which is fully developed.

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 19:56:54

If I gave them pocket money I would definitely be withholding it until they'd paid me back!

What annoys me more than the waste is that they couldn't care less. Whoever said they need to learn the value of money was right. They really don't appreciate or take care of anything. They have an awful lot of material possessions (each have flatscreen TV, xbox, computer, Blackberry) and we live in a big (but slightly ramshackle) house yet because I dont drive round in a flashy 4x4 (its that sort of area), because we don't have Sky multiroom or buy them designer knock off clothes, they constantly feel hard done by, DS1 in particular.

This probably makes them sound awful children. They're not most of the time honestly smile

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 19:59:38

I think I will try and get a lock for the fridge. Or at the very least an alarm

There are always non-fridge things here for them - bread, crackers, other snacks, plus tins of soup, beans etc. so if I did lock the fridge it's not as though they would starve.

floweryblue Tue 05-Mar-13 19:59:39

So DS2 is without his ingredients for home ec, does he get punished for that by his school? It's a start. Could you maybe explain to his home ec teacher why it has happened so she can think of a suitable punishment (essay about food waste to be written while in detention?).

I have found X Box banning an extremely effective punishment too. And as they will both have so much more free time, extra chores (hoovering, bins, window cleaning, whatever needs doing that you hate doing and know they will too).

But I also agree you have to explain just how much their carelessness has cost you all as a family. And if it was an accident, it was an accident, we've all done it, but we should all own up to our mistakes.

olgaga Tue 05-Mar-13 20:00:01

each have flatscreen TV, xbox, computer, Blackberry

Blimey! So no xbox is hardly going to bother them...

Sounds like you're at your wit's end OP.

StuntGirl Tue 05-Mar-13 20:02:39

It sounds like you're right, they don't appeciate the lovely expensive things you've bought them. Perhaps stop paying their blackberry's etc and start giving them pocket money to spend how they choose...if they want to top up their phone for example then they can spend their pocket money on it.

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Mar-13 20:02:48

So what are you going to sell in order to replace the food?

grin

i'd be saying ok, since neither of you are willing to accept responsibility, then I will sell X, to get the money to replace the food.

If you decide that you want to admit who was careless, then come to me, and we will sort out 2 consequences for you. One for the carelessness and one for not owning up.

but if you choose to not admit to it, then the X gets sold.

-------------------------

However, it is entirely possible that they just don't remember doing it.

I am sure they didn't prop the door open grin and they both went in the fridge, I bet.

It's actually possible that they're both saying it wasn't them and meaning it, because they truly have no memory of not closing the door.

YouTheCat Tue 05-Mar-13 20:03:16

Selling their games will bother them though and get you some cash back.

AnaisB Tue 05-Mar-13 20:08:18

Yabu to be furious - it was an accident. The culprit can't own up because he did it without realising and similarly neither boy is covering for the other. Doors left ajar swing open on their own.

If you are worried about their general attitude involve them in food budgeting and get them to cook for the family on the limited rations you still have. if you normally have lots of meat and fish i'm sure doing withhout for a few days will give them food for thought.

"They are now banned from x box until one of them owns up. I suspect it may be some time."
In which case I would consider selling the XBoxes. Yes, both of them. One is getting punished for wasting food, the other for covering for them, and both for just not caring. Proceeds to be used to restock the fridge and freezer. Both boys on boring cheap beans-on-toast type meals until the end of the month. And yes it is very harsh. But I could not accept them not caring less; hence being so harsh to drive the point home.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 20:19:19

Blimey, there are some really mean people on here aren't there.

Strip their rooms completely and starve them grin

SecretNutellaFix Tue 05-Mar-13 20:22:41

I would sell their TV's to be honest.

No TV means they can't play xbox anyway. Plus if they actually want to watch something they have to share the one in the living room, share the games console, share the punishment fully.

ImperialBlether Tue 05-Mar-13 20:26:56

The thing is that each of them must have been in the kitchen and seen the fridge door was open. It doesn't really matter who originally left it open. They both saw it was open and did nothing. It's totally unacceptable.

It must be awful for you to do so much for them financially and have them not appreciate it.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 20:35:10

You can think you've shut it you know and it isn't. Sometimes the rubber gets worn and it just doesn't shut properly unless you actually make sure it's shut.

Was it left "wide open"?

As for these punishments, most of them are so harsh they border on ridiculousness on this thread.

Have you ever lost your keys? have you ever thought you locked something and you didn't? have you ever not screwed a top on a bottle properly due to another distraction? The list is endless.

If a child/teen does it somehow it's seen as being a terrible disrespectful thoughtless thing to do.

I don't punish my child I speak to him, never have and never will do.

He's a truly wonderful teen.

TheSeniorWrangler Tue 05-Mar-13 20:38:30

why are people going on about the light warming things up?

Every fridge i've had, the light goes out after 5 mins if we leave the door open... you have to shut the door to reset it so it comes back on.

Mintyy Tue 05-Mar-13 20:41:30

Meat and fish would not begin to smell bad after being in a fridge with the door open all day. It just would not!

Tee2072 Tue 05-Mar-13 20:44:49

I really don't get how things could be beginning to smell after only being out for what? Less than a day?

I think you over reacted and smelt things that weren't there.

LineRunner Tue 05-Mar-13 20:45:36

Do you live in a really hot country?

arghhelpme Tue 05-Mar-13 20:53:52

Could it have been an accident? My fridge door normally closes with a little nudge. I came downstairs this morning to a warm fridge packed full of food as a bag of spinach fell slightly causing the door to not close properly.

All my own fault though, i should have checked properly.

But no yanbu to be furious, i was quite pissed off with myself this morning.

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 21:01:28

I think some fridge lights might go off...but the one in my fridge doesn't. Likewise the one in my freezer.

I could smell something 'off' from when I walked in through my front door. The stuff nearest the front of the fridge definitely smelled bad.

We live in London, so not exactly a warm country! but my kitchen does get, and stay warm unlike the rest of the house

mermaidbutmytailfelloff Tue 05-Mar-13 21:07:29

My fridge is tilted backwards (a couple of tiles under the front feet. Let go of the door and it shuts fairly fast, therefore no one leaves it open.

Milk sloshes a bit though in the door - but a small price to pay.

The thing is that each of them must have been in the kitchen and seen the fridge door was open. It doesn't really matter who originally left it open. They both saw it was open and did nothing. It's totally unacceptable.

^^This is the reason I would have to find a suitable punishment. How many seconds does it take to shut a fridge door?

The original offence may have been an accident, but they didn't care.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 21:10:18

I love your solution mermaid. In fact I'm off tomorrow and am going to tilt it!

LadyBeagleEyes Tue 05-Mar-13 21:11:47

So a couple of teens accidentally left the fridge open.
And people are suggesting more and more inventive punishments which was in my eyes an act of carelessness and one of those daft teen moments.
I think National Service is the answer myself.wink

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 21:13:49

"suitable punishment"

Really? Blimey.

You do know that teen brains actually unravel before they ravel again surely?

I'd advise not to take a thing off them, tilt the fridge and understand accidents happen.

Otherwise the OP is/does sound like a bit of a harpy and of course they are going to block her out.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 21:16:03

My DS from the age of 11 until 15 actually may have even forgot his name! Things are going on in them and we as parents need to make allowances not punishments.

parakeet Tue 05-Mar-13 21:16:32

This might sound is off the point, but I find it hard to understand how you can afford all that gadgetry, when the loss of £60 makes you cry. I also think you were imagining the meat smelling bad and the salad turning brown I'm afraid. That doesn't happen after 8 hours at 20 degrees C.

TheOldBamboo Tue 05-Mar-13 21:22:10

Some of these punishment ideas are mental. Sell both the x-boxes, sell their TV, Sell a kidney!

Don't do any of the more extreme punishments OP, I would go for the far more sensible option of sticking a lock on the fridge for a couple of weeks.

WorriedTeenMum Tue 05-Mar-13 21:22:27

How about this as a recipe for encouraging contrition and a responsible attitude to fridge shutting:

OATMEAL SOUP.
1 oz margarine
2 medium onions, grated or finely diced
2 tablespoons oatmeal
1 pint cold water
salt and pepper
½ pint milk
3 medium carrots grated
Heat the margarine in a pan, add the onions and cook for 5 minutes. Blend the oatmeal with the cold water, tip into the pan and stir as the mixture comes to the boil; season lightly. Simmer steadily for 30 minutes, stirring frequently, then add the milk and carrots and cook for a further 15 minutes.

- in case you are wondering, it is a British Restaurant recipe

Three days of that and I would be confessing to anything!

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 21:35:41

Tilting the fridge is a great idea. However there is so little clearance at the top of my fridge (it has cupboards built over/to the side of it) I am not sure it will work. Plus the bloody thing (even empty) weighs a ton. But will give it a go, nothing ventured etc.

As to why does the loss of £60 make me cry...because losing any money would upset me, I might have a good job and some nice things, but I'm not frivolous. Most of the gadgetry the DC have was birthday/Xmas presents from me and their father (who is a feckless spendthrift, but we'll say no more about that...).

It's their attitude to it all which annoys me, but possibly that is just them being teens (or almost teens in DS2s case).

Mintyy Tue 05-Mar-13 22:01:19

I can see why them leaving the fridge door is annoying, I really can.

But if I had done that as a teen and my Mum had tantrummed and thrown £60 worth of perfectly good food away I would have lost a bit of respect for her, tbh.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 22:05:00

OP, being kind, understanding and speaking to them is the key, it is in this house anyway.

Accepting that they forget everything but their heads helps. They are usually very upset because they have done it in the first place.

Banging on and punishing in my opinion isn't the right way to go.

Choose battles wisely OP now.

timidviper Tue 05-Mar-13 22:21:17

I disagree with you absolutely Phoenix. Having raised 2DCs to adulthood I agree you would not want to be unkind but think you have to set standards of behaviour that must be adhered to. Teenagers need boundaries and consequences.

I think you should sit them down and explain that it is totally unaccetable that someone left it open, nobody shut it and they don't care that you are inconvenienced and footing the bill. This has cost you £60 and, as no-one has confessed, they are both equally culpable so you will be confiscating..............until they repay that amount by doing chores for you.

A little bit of slave labour never hurt!

AngelWreakinHavoc Tue 05-Mar-13 22:23:08

I probably would have shut the door, shouted a bit then forgot about it smile

aquashiv Tue 05-Mar-13 22:24:10

I have my fridge freezer on a slant so it shuts itself. It was actally where himself fell on it once pissed probably but with a house full of ejits its worked a treat over the years.
I would still eat the food myself it would kill them.

aquashiv Tue 05-Mar-13 22:25:48

wouldnt

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 22:27:16

Phoenix, I think if they were even a tiny bit upset, I would absolutely get where you were coming from. When I was a teen, if I had done this I would have been contrite, and mortified that I had cost my parents so much money.

However my DC seriously did not bat an eyelid. They are not upset in the slightest. Ds2 said he understood why I was annoyed (I don't actually think he did really), DS1 couldn't give a fuck, I can replace it, it doesn't matter (such is his attitude to everything).

Tonight they have done the washing up, tidied and hoovered. DS2 is replacing his home ec ingredients tomorrow (lesson is actually Thurs not Weds as we thought) with some of his Xmas money.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 22:29:35

Well, it maybe time for a stand easy now.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 22:32:46

Just know that teens would rather die than tell you they are upset or feeling in the wrong. They are though.

Punishing in my book doesn't work. Telling them that you are disappointed and upset does.

AngelWreakinHavoc Tue 05-Mar-13 22:42:04

I posted before reading all replies.
This is fucking hilarious!

Seriously would all you folk chuck a full fridge worth of food away and punish your kids for an honest mistake?

I dont think for one minute any of that food was 'off' it was more the case of op being in a bad mood when she returned home so she made a scene as the fridge door was left open hmm

VelvetSpoon Tue 05-Mar-13 23:06:21

As the one who was here to smell and see the food, it looked/smelled off to me. I certainly wasn't going to risk it, and I think most people would have done the same.

And in fact I wasn't in a bad mood up until I found out, quite the opposite.

RobotHamster Tue 05-Mar-13 23:08:37

TheSeniorWrangler - our Hotpoint had a light that never went out. It also got very warm. If you left the door open for even 5 minutes you'd find warm yoghurts and slightly melted butter. Stupid design.

RobotHamster Tue 05-Mar-13 23:12:42

All of you saying that you don't believe the food was off are just being annoying. OP has explained that the food smelled bad. If my fridge was open for a whole day then the fruit, veg and butter would be ok but all the meat and much of the dairy may not be. Just give the OP some credit perhaps?

RobotHamster Tue 05-Mar-13 23:15:47

Maybe your fridge is haunted OP wink

manticlimactic Tue 05-Mar-13 23:18:24

Your freezer has a light in it? shock

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 23:21:18

Maybe then you have a fridge like Robot who knows really to be fair.

If I were you I'd sort of have a think about what may truly be bothering you and how best to deal with it.

You are in a house with two teens, it's tough as one's enough!

If it's any consolation, this will pass and you will have far more to deal with. The bloody girlfriend aspect, the bloody mates aspect, the bloody exam aspect.

Leaving a fridge door open when their pants to shut at the best of absent mindedness doesn't come into it.

Being furious is not a good idea either.

what im trying to say to any mother of a teen is stop punishing. It makes matters a thousand times worse.

dementedmumof6 Tue 05-Mar-13 23:31:44

playing devils advocate: Is it possible it didnt get closed properly in the morning by accident but when they came home from school they noticed was open and food was smelling bad, so decided the best thing to do would be to leave it until you came home, so that the spoiled food wouldnt have a chance to rechill and you accidently cook it.

Cassarick Tue 05-Mar-13 23:31:52

clippedphoenix - give over, won't you. OP has explained enough times.

If you want to treat your DC with no punishment nor consequences, that's up to you and it will be you that rues the day.

Some of us believe in genuine discipline and guidance.

gimmecakeandcandy Tue 05-Mar-13 23:35:56

Why on earth haven't you taken their tv's/computers etc away?

Kytti Tue 05-Mar-13 23:40:54

there is no way they'd go to the supermarket?

Why? One of them is 14!

Take something away from them that they really care about as a punishment. Console, TV, something! Flipping heck. Mine would be straight to the shops with their own money!

LayMizzRarb Tue 05-Mar-13 23:54:31

£60? Blimey, how big is your fridge and where do you shop? I just went to my fridge, and I have rib eye steak, fresh salmon, fresh chicken, salad and veg amongst other things. It would cost around £40 to restock it, tops.

ClippedPhoenix Tue 05-Mar-13 23:55:29

I believe in guidance not discipline (punishment). i believe in praising the good and mostly blanking the bad. It's worked for me.

If you do that I will do this?

It's tit for tat surely?

You do something wrong I will do something wrong to show you the right way?

What a load of nonsense.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 00:00:41

What if the OP said all our food is lost, how could we replace it? Im sure they would come up with an idea (you obviously would have to do that but it would make them think).

This has happened, what are "we" going to do about it?

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 00:09:59

Oh blimey, stop taking things away. Start acting as a group (family)

Shit, this has happened, how can we solve it? How can we all make sure the fridge is shut?

Punishment doesn't work with teens. Understanding, empathy and problems solving does.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 00:11:12

problem!

abbyfromoz Wed 06-Mar-13 00:19:48

Put a lock on the fridge. They can help themselves to the fruit bowl wink

Bogeyface Wed 06-Mar-13 00:27:05

their father (who is a feckless spendthrift, but we'll say no more about that...).

I think that you should think more about that. Because it seems clear to me that their total disregard of the cost/value of things comes from their father.

If they see their dad just buying stuff or giving them stuff with no regard then they will believe that everything is delivered by the fairies. They will not learn the value of money or of earning it, because they have never had to consider it. These are exactly the kind of kids who will end up aged 30 on the verge of bankruptcy thanks to loans/CC debts/overdrafts etc. You need to put it in those terms to your DH.

If you can afford it I think now would be a good time to institute pocket money and insist that if they want designer clobber or the latest Xbox game, they must save for it. And give them their pocket money on a weekly basis rather than monthly so they cant blow it on the game or whatever on day 1 and then do without for a month. They need to learn to save.

Bogeyface Wed 06-Mar-13 00:30:44

You do something wrong I will do something wrong to show you the right way?

What a load of nonsense.

Or "Your actions have led to a financial loss to this family. In order to remedy that loss you must lose pocket money/do extra chores that equal the cost/give up something that costs money (xbox for eg) until the balance is restored.

It isnt punishment, it is showing them that everything costs money and that the fairies dont just replace it.

Bogeyface Wed 06-Mar-13 00:34:51

Further, my conservatory is partly attached to my kitchen (yes, I know NOW!!!) so it gets very warm if there is direct sunlight on it, which there is until about 1pm every day. If our fridge door was wide open then everything would be warm. Our freezer gets the warning light on if it is left slightly ajar for more than an hour. It does happen.

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 00:50:06

They are 11 and 14...

From what i gather they left the freezer door open?

Seriously op one isn't yet a teen and the other barely there yet.

Relax chik it gets far far far more annoying....

Bogeyface Wed 06-Mar-13 00:54:20

Just because it could get worse doesnt mean that the OP should ignore this! In fact she should make a big deal out of it to help make sure that it doesnt get worse. If you let shit like this go thebody then I am not surprised your got far far far more annoying.

Bogeyface Wed 06-Mar-13 00:54:49

yours not your

crazycatlady82 Wed 06-Mar-13 00:58:01

Try giving them bread and water for a fortnight stating you cant afford to replace the fridge items and see what happens...

Make sure it's brown bread...

Xx

Alonglongway Wed 06-Mar-13 00:59:58

Huge sympathy - I have DDs of 15 and 12 and the 12 yr is suddenly hungry all the time and constantly checking the fridge - DD1 not long out of this stage. Our fridge has a built in alarm so this has not happened to us but can entirely see how it would. I did once have to dump some freezer stuff after an ajar door that no one owned up to. Only thing I'd have done different with my own hindsight is to see what could be cooked up immediately so they learn the food hygiene lessons - get them involved in a solution, rather than just a massive punishment that makes them clam up. We do have lots of teen chaos these days and I am trying to ensure we all learn about rescuing situations we find ourselves in!

The teen brain thing is painfully true. - this reminds me of my own 14ish brain when I managed to destroy the element in our kettle - boiling and boiling it over again with not enough water so that eventually the little in there evaporated and the element died. To this day I remember my mum's fury when she couldn't make a cup of tea after work and I had no explanation for how I was unable to fill a kettle.....

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 01:01:46

I totally disagree with what most of you have said and I stand by the way I interact with my son.

I know I do the right thing by feeling quite like I've been given a gift.

My son at 15 constantly takes my breath away with his insight. His empathy and far more.

I have allowed that to happen, I havent made it happen.

I have however never "punished" him or taken anything from him that he likes.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 01:06:26

people have swapped corporal punishment for another kind which is equally as demeaning.

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 01:07:16

Lol I didn't bogey to be honest. Have 4 kids, 2 now 23 and 21 dss all graduated and good jobs but the usual teen bothers of drinking and stuff nothing dreadful not even an open fridge door!!!

Younger 2 dds!! well ll posted before as older one was very badly injured on a school trip last year and just about back on track with physical and psychiatric input.

Forgive me if think an open freezer door isn't actually the worst possible teenage crime and was trying to inject a bit of reality and humour to the op as we all need that to help us through those teen years.

Do you have teens bogey face?

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 01:11:15

Oh and i forgot to say my DS and I laugh together a lot! He does so much of what I did and remember doing. I can't actually remember where my glasses are these days by the way grin

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 01:18:17

Clipped totally agree with your posts by the way.

My older lads just blow me away with their care and consideration for their very injured sister and younger one.

If they let us down then we didn't punish them as young adults we just showed how disappointed and let down we felt. That was that for them. It worked.

If you treat teens as kids then they act like kids.

StuntGirl Wed 06-Mar-13 01:19:57

Sanctimonious much clipped?

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 01:26:03

Im so glad you do the same as me thebody.

We have the best and I can't begin to describe how proud I am of my son and likewise for you huh.

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 01:26:48

That's a bit unfair stunt and I usually agree with your posts

Clipped was saying what worked for her family dynamics.. That's not smug..

That's her reality and it was our approach too with our 4 and think we at least did the best that we could.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 01:29:37

No im not at all what you're calling me stunt. I have just brought my child up in the manner I would have wished for myself and its paying off.

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 01:30:44

Clipped!! My youngest dd was teaching me IT skills today for a course I am doing... She called her oldest brother to ask how best to phrase instructions that I would understand!!! I overheard!!!!

That's funny!! Cheeky mare!!

ThisIsANickname Wed 06-Mar-13 01:31:11

I don't know exactly how a thread about teenagers leaving a fridge/freezer open degenerated into a platform for a "my parenting choices are better than your parenting choices" debate. My word.

OP - YANBU for being angry that they were inconsiderate and did not appreciate the consequences of their actions. I think that you would be right to do something to address this situation. How you choose to do that is up to you. Whatever you do, I hope it works and you don't have to go through this kind of thing in the future.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 01:34:46

Its their turn to look after you a bit huh. grin

Oh, mum, this is how you do it!

Let's face it, they are far more technical these days.

ClippedPhoenix Wed 06-Mar-13 01:39:58

I'd love to be a teen in your house thebody. You sound fab!

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 01:42:48

I think I must have mis read this thread if the ' I hope you don't have to go through this in the future' is simply about an open fridge door and consequently stroppy teens?

Really sorry if I have missed lots of drip feeds but can't be arsed to read whole thread.

If your teens are seriously not caring at all that they have hurt you and don't react to you looking upset or saying you are disappointed in them then yes to be honest you do have a problem and I hope you get some good advice.

thebody Wed 06-Mar-13 01:46:51

Lol you too clipped.. Love the cheeky teen years. Your lad sounds fab too.

Sorry if that makes us sound smug.!

Fir me i am just grateful to have 4 and not 3... Light hearted thread ladies

Bogeyface Wed 06-Mar-13 01:55:42

Do you have teens bogey face?

I have one former teen (now 22) a current teen (15) an almost 12 year old, and three younger ones (8,7 & 1).

My eldest has cerebal palsy due to oxygen starvation at birth, so I totally understand the "things could be worse". I let a lot go, not just with them but with life in general because when you have dealt with such things, you realise what is important. I prefer to laugh than cry.

But I personally believe that teaching them the consequences of their behaviour is important, not because I necessarily want them to tow the line, but because I know that others will. I know that if I dont do what is expected of me at work then I will be sacked. I know that if I treat others like shit then they will dump me (friends, family, DPs, whatever). I would rather teach them those lessons myself, in a loving way, than have them learn from others with hurt and suffering.

aurynne Wed 06-Mar-13 03:15:25

YABVVVVU to keep chocolate bars in the fridge... It spoils the chocolate, makes it brittle, makes white marks appear on the chocolate and changes the taste of the cocoa butter. Chocolate does not need cold unless you live at an average temperature of 38C!

Signed, the self-confesses chocoholic
PhD in Chocolate Research

Hmmm....last month ds1 left the front door wide open, went to the dry cleaners, took the dog to the park, came home...and Realised what he had done.

I think sometimes teenagers are..well distracted.

But it is not on that they cannot understand why you are upset.

Do they go with you to do the shopping? Do they get involved in meal planning? Maybe that might help in teaching them the value of money and budgeting.

olgaga Wed 06-Mar-13 07:41:52

OP take a look at this thread here.

deste Wed 06-Mar-13 09:32:45

I think you have over reacted, I'm sure you could have saved some of the food. I am old enough to remember when no-one had a fridge. Also they probably know what your reaction will be so they are not going to admit to it. As they say, you pick your battles.

CMOTDibbler Wed 06-Mar-13 09:41:47

If my fridge isn't closed properly, the light goes on and stays on, and gets really hot. We've had to chuck fridge fulls of food if this happens, and our house isn't hot.

We all make mistakes, but if they had opportunity to see it was open and didn't shut it - and most importantly aren't saying they'd been in there where the choc has obv gone - then I would be angry.

Making them go and do the shopping with you and carry it home would seem like a good intervention

diddl Wed 06-Mar-13 09:50:55

I'm with you,OP.

The constant in & out of the fridge looking for fucking food!

Am I the only one who didn't do this-or always asked if I could have something-until about 14yrs old?

samandi Wed 06-Mar-13 12:30:43

Just feed them the food that's been sitting there.

Seriously, you threw it all out after less than a whole day? What was it?

samandi Wed 06-Mar-13 12:31:41

BTW I would be annoyed too though.

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