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To only buy one present

(65 Posts)
theweeyin Tue 05-Mar-13 18:04:16

My friend has two children. The eldest is going to be 8 tomorrow and I'm going to pop round with her present & card tomorrow. My friend phoned me about an hour ago asking if i could also bring round a present for her youngest so she doesn't feel left out. I told her that I wouldn't as it's her birthday in April & I will give her a present then. Surely if my friend doesn't want her child to feel 'left out' it's up to her to do something about it? AIBU if I only buy a birthday present for the birthday girl?

CatelynStark Tue 05-Mar-13 18:05:31

Your friend is being ridiculous! And grabby. And a twat.

HTH smile

YouTheCat Tue 05-Mar-13 18:06:12

What the hell is going on with all these poor cherubs feeling left out because another sibling has a birthday?

Birthday present for the one having the birthday. If the other kid feels disappointed then that's just bloody tough and probably because the parents are clueless.

pictish Tue 05-Mar-13 18:06:36

Yanbu. Silly friend.

Hulababy Tue 05-Mar-13 18:07:06

Yanbu. I wouldn't either.

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Mar-13 18:07:16

Not at all.

It is ridiculous. Children have to learn that other people have birthdays! and there's not always something for them.

So she doesn't feel left out. Heaven's above. It's someone else's birthday!

Shutupanddrive Tue 05-Mar-13 18:07:37

How rude! shock

Cassarick Tue 05-Mar-13 18:07:59

I wouldn't either. Why should you have to double-up on presents? Ridiculous.

littlemefi Tue 05-Mar-13 18:08:04

How cheeky! YANBU, whatever age the child is, they have to learn that birthdays are about the person whose birthday it is.

If your friend chooses to buy something for the little one, that's her responsibility, not yours!

SecretNutellaFix Tue 05-Mar-13 18:09:06

That is really rude.

HildaOgden Tue 05-Mar-13 18:09:51

Stick to your guns and don't do it.

Are you expected to do the same again in April when the next birthday comes? ie buy the 'unbirthday' girl a present then too?

Silly woman (her,not you).How is it a special day for the birthday girl if she isn't the one who gets the pressie/attention?

What did your friend say when you said you wouldn't do it?


I always send a gift for older siblings when a new baby is born because I worry they will feel pushed out by the new arrival, but for a birthday for older children? Not a chance!

Tell her that you will but its not your birthday either so can she buy you a present too, then send her an amazon wish list of very expensive items to choose your unbirthday present from. grin

theweeyin Tue 05-Mar-13 18:14:34

hilda My friend told me she thought i was being quite mean. I told her that when i was young and it was my brothers birthday I never got presents. She then said well it's up to you.

BlueberryHill Tue 05-Mar-13 18:15:16

YANBU, I thought this was a twins thread before I read the OP. Agree with everyone else, how stupid is your friend? (sorry to be a bit rude there)

HecateWhoopass Tue 05-Mar-13 18:16:05

You're not mean, she's being silly.

BlueberryHill Tue 05-Mar-13 18:16:23

Actually after the last post, I think she is really stupid and very rude.

mammmamia Tue 05-Mar-13 18:18:30

I thought this was a twins thread too! And was coming on to say I wouldn't mind if people brought my 3yo twins only one present on their birthday. They have too much stuff and its good for them to learn to share.

HildaOgden Tue 05-Mar-13 18:19:12

She sounds ridiculous and petulant.And she's going the right way about training her dd's to be the same!!

Does she give your children presents when it's their siblings birthdays?Not that it matters if she does,that's her choice.....but telling people to buy for the second child too is totally crackers.

To be honest,I'd find it difficult to show up at all with any present at all if I was told I was being mean like that.

MrsSpagBol Tue 05-Mar-13 18:22:04

What hilda said!!

theweeyin Tue 05-Mar-13 18:22:06

Thanks everyone. I didn't think I was BU but wanted to get other peoples opinion on this.

RobotHamster Tue 05-Mar-13 18:22:29

My mum used to do this for my younger siblings on my birthday, so they wouldn't feel left out,it was crap and pointless and made them both think they were entitled to help themselves to my things so they didn't miss out

I got nothing when it was their birthday though because I was the eldest and should 'set a good example'

MrsSonky Tue 05-Mar-13 18:26:20

I'm having an Alice in Wonderland moment.

"a very happy unbirthday to you"
"to me?"
"to you"

KC225 Tue 05-Mar-13 18:26:29

Same as mammamia - I have twins and came on to say joint present is fine and much appreciated.

I was not expecting bring another present ...... YANBU go with one present and say breathlessly 'didn't have time to get another present' - what a cheek

EarlyInTheMorning Tue 05-Mar-13 18:28:26

That's rude, vulgar, ridiculous, she's being a bad friend and a bad parent

SecretNutellaFix Tue 05-Mar-13 18:32:22

Same as robothamster.

I still remember my fifth birthday when my sister threw a strop because I had some presents.My grandmother gave her a £10 note and she waved it in my face.

Did I get anything when it was hers? No.

It often happened that she got just because she was the youngest. I grew up to resent her and she has grown up with a massive sense of entitlement. We still don't get on very well.

derektheladyhamster Tue 05-Mar-13 18:33:31

take a packet of chocolate buttons grin

seriously she's mad!

CloudsAndTrees Tue 05-Mar-13 18:34:21

Your friend is exceptionally rude. YANBU

jumpingjackhash Tue 05-Mar-13 18:34:55

So you're being mean by not giving her other kid a present? hmm

Point out that you don't actually have to even give the real birthday kid a gift. If it makes it easier, should you just forget that altogether?

She's being rude and grabby.

aquashiv Tue 05-Mar-13 18:35:02

What a cheek not bloody way.

AwkwardSquad Tue 05-Mar-13 18:35:56

Wow, your friend is being rude! If she, as the parent, wants to give her other child a little present, that's entirely up to her. When we were little, our grandparents on one side used to give me and my siblings a little present as well when they gave the birthday girl or boy their present. But that was their own decision, and we knew very well that it was extra specially nice of them and we certainly didn't expect it. But for someone to ASK someone who isn't even family to do that, then get sulky and rude when Not a big fan of the word 'entitled' but justified here, I think.

PootlePosyPerkin Tue 05-Mar-13 18:37:36

Good heavens no, YANBU!

Maybe you shouldn't bother getting either child a present next time shock.

harryhausen Tue 05-Mar-13 18:37:57

My Dmil used to do this. Whenever it was a dc's birthday she'd buy the other dc a present so they didn't feel left outhmm.

I used to tell not to but she did anyway. Now they're older she seems to have stopped. It's bloody ridiculous.

giraffesCantDateDucks Tue 05-Mar-13 18:37:59

WTF - who are these people that demand stuff?!

Goldmandra Tue 05-Mar-13 18:38:30

The only time I would do this is when a new baby arrives. I don't want to give siblings a reason to be resentful so I buy a token gift for them too.

This mother needs to get a grip.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 05-Mar-13 18:41:18

Wow that's rude(her not you) yanbu to not wish to collude with her shitty grabby parenting methods.

TomArchersSausage Tue 05-Mar-13 18:41:37

She actually rang to ask you that?? Blimey how grabby and rude. I've read of this sort of thing before via mn although never in rl - how incredible that people actually think that wayconfused

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 18:44:00

Jeez, she needs to get a grip.

And whatever ever happened to making kids wait their turn, my mum did that, and i turned out just fine.

RobotHamster Tue 05-Mar-13 18:44:35

Nutella - I think I've just had a breakthrough moment with this thread. No wonder my sisters are such grabby bitches.

SamuelWestsMistress Tue 05-Mar-13 18:50:47

Greedy cow. She should buy her other child it's own bloody present!

I know so many people who do this buying a present for non-birthday children on birthday children's birthday so that the spoilt little toads poor things don't get upset.

What utter bollocks! Utter, utter, bollocking bollocks.

A bit of pmt just escaped then through my fingers, but I still mean it,

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 05-Mar-13 18:51:05

Gets a bit out of hand if everyone gets on this bandwagon. Up to your friend to sort her DCs' expectations and disappointment levels!


Smartiepants79 Tue 05-Mar-13 18:57:14

Why should the other child be upset? Because she didn't get a present on a day that is NOT her birthday.
Unbelievably RUDE!
Can't believe people this socially oblivious exist.

Fakebook Tue 05-Mar-13 18:57:58

I can't believe the cheek of some people! Do these people really exist?!

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 19:00:45

No wonder so many kids are such entitled little shits, make em wait, my DD can be disappointed all she likes, tough, not her day, why do people pander to this bullshit about not upsetting their kids.

pluCaChange Tue 05-Mar-13 19:04:11

How horrible! My DC are nearly 4 years apart, and have birthdays in different seasons, so they're very separate. I always talk to the other about what a special day it is, and how s/he is a lovely brother/ sister to celrbrate it, bkah, blah, blah... So each has a day of NOT sharing the limelight. They seem happy so far...

ihearsounds Tue 05-Mar-13 19:04:39

I would have laughed if someone phoned me and asked that I bring the other child a present. The parent between laughter would be told they are having a laugh if they think I am getting 4 presents for their 2 children.
It is utter bollox buying for other children so they don't miss out..If they will have such meltdowns, then imvho, the parents have serious problems.

Scholes34 Tue 05-Mar-13 19:04:52

I used to love my brother's birthdays - I got to play with all his new toys!

Absolutely no need to buy presents for siblings, except as mentioned up thread when a token gift for a sibling of a new born baby might be appropriate, and even then it shouldn't be expected or asked for, nay demanded.

BeaWheesht Tue 05-Mar-13 19:05:14

wow I'm amazed by your friend. No yadnbu!!

Fwiw I'm a soft touch and do buy a little thing for nieces / nephews and my kids when their sibling has a birthday but only something like a pack of soldiers for 99p, a bath toy, a Lego mini figure, a sticker book etc. I wouldn't expect anyone to do it though and would certainly never ask!

facedontfit Tue 05-Mar-13 19:05:41

For crying out loud - some people!

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 19:07:13

You said you were very mean when you said no? hmm She sounds the same mental age as her children...

FeckOffCup Tue 05-Mar-13 19:13:25

YANBU, your friend sounds a bit unhinged, who actually thinks it's acceptable to demand goods from someone and try to emotionally blackmail them when they don't pay out? She isn't doing her children any favours either, if she wants to buy the youngest a small unbirthday gift that's up to her but to get them to expect it from others is setting them up for a big disappointment.

PandaG Tue 05-Mar-13 19:15:31

my lovely Nana used to buy a tiny present for me and my DSis on each other's birthday - usually either a bottle of Matey bubblebath, or a bar of Cadburys chocolate. We knew it was just a little token and that was that. Nana usually gave us things on special occasions, not every week or month even, so my parents were happy for her to treat both of us a little on the other's special day.

That said, I would never buy a present for non birthday children on their sibling's birthday, apart perhaps for my neice and nephew. We rarely see them and only but for birthday, Christmas and Easter, so a magazine or a pot of bubbles or similar might get produced. I think the other mother is barking!

ENormaSnob Tue 05-Mar-13 19:48:40

Your friend is a cheeky fuck.

Truffkin Tue 05-Mar-13 19:50:24

YADNBU I'm practically speechless that anyone would consider it acceptable to request a present for their DC, let alone in these circumstances!

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 19:50:26

Don't sit on the fence there, Norma grin

I don't bother buying for subsequent babies; I bring chocolate for the mother and something for the siblings grin

YANBU. Sharing your sibling's birthday means all the peripheral things (cake, sweets, handed down old toys).

EverybodysSootyEyed Tue 05-Mar-13 20:04:06

Totally the wrong way of doing things as it is such a good life lesson to learn to deal with feelings of jealousy etc and to try and develop a generosity of spirit

My sis and I were encouraged to make the day special for the birthday girl and we accepted it was their turn for a special day. Even now my sister likes giving more than receiving (I am ambivalent about both tbh)

My ds let's his little sister open some of his presents for him but that is his choice. I think it's sweet that he recognises that she feels left out

pigletmania Tue 05-Mar-13 21:11:10

Yanbu how rude. She has to teach her child to wait for teir birthday for a present. You were totally right.

pigletmania Tue 05-Mar-13 21:13:21

Your not mean at all, she is a stupid twat

thegreylady Tue 05-Mar-13 21:20:19

I can't believe she asked!!
When my dgc have a birtday I take something small for the non birthday child but no-one else does and dd tells me off for doing it grin

You could equalise it by neither getting a present. We don't do presents for friends' children's birthdays unless we attend a party and then it is just the birthday child. She is very lucky that you are getting one present for the birthday girl!

I did get a present on my brother's birthday from my parents, but that was the only one. My mother suggested that I needed to do this for my nieces' birthdays, but I told her that it wasn't necessary.

Seabird72 Tue 05-Mar-13 22:46:44

It's terrible she had the nerve to ask. It's her responsibility to buy a small gift so the sibling doesn't feel left out but it's a nightmare to keep it up so a good idea not to bother starting. Can you ditch her? Sounds like she will be a nightmare friend and might hold her unreasonable request against you.

midastouch Tue 05-Mar-13 22:50:26

YANBU if she wants to get a present for her other DC thats up to her but you cant expect everyone else to! How old is her younger DC?

theweeyin Tue 05-Mar-13 22:56:26

Her youngest is 3 (will be 4 next month) I'm not buying a present for the younger one.... Don't think we will fallout over this (we've been friends for over 20 years) I just couldn't believe her cheek when she asked me & I posted on here to see what others think. I will talk to her about it when i see her tomorrow.

MidniteScribbler Tue 05-Mar-13 22:59:57

"You're right dear friend, it would be horribly mean to buy for only one child, and not the other. The fairest thing to do then would be to simply just not buy anything at all. Thanks for saving me the money!"

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