To keep a punishment going despite illness

(107 Posts)
LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 10:09:47

OK MN Jury, do your worst grin. I don't think I'm BU, but promise not to be "one of those" posters.

Last week DD (7) did something very naughty. Her punishment was no 'screens' for a week ie no phone/computer/iPad. I gave the punishment (supported by DH) on Thu.

Yesterday she was sent home from school an hour early with a temperature and headache - she's been 'off colour' all weekend, but seemed better yesterday morning.

Last night she asked if she could go on the iPad and I said no. She didn't push the issue and there was no sulking or anything. She knows exactly why she is being punished.

She woke up crying this morning, complaining of a headache and sore throat. He temp was 38.7, so I've kept her off school again.

DH is a SAHD. I've just had a call off him to tell me she's feeling much better, her temp is back down to 37 and is asking for the iPad. He wants to say yes, I've said no. He is now in a snit with me <<grumpy arse emoticon>>

So, am I being too harsh? I don't think I am, but do you keep punishments going if your DC are ill?

YANBU.

She can read, or draw, or watch TV for a while (if that's not one of the 'screens' excluded).

MidniteScribbler Tue 05-Mar-13 10:14:09

Does the punishment include tv? I would probably allow her to watch a dvd, but no pone, ipad or computer.

scaevola Tue 05-Mar-13 10:15:29

I'd permit TV and DVD, but maintain the rest.

And perhaps agree something with DH about how she can "earn" an earlier reprieve from the punishment by conspicuously good behaviour.

MerryMingeWhingesAgain Tue 05-Mar-13 10:17:35

I think no screens when at home poorly is more of a punishment for the SAHP caring for them grin

Neither of you are BU really. I really try to avoid empty threats/sanctions not carried out, but it may be your DP that suffers more.

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 10:17:50

No, punishment doesn't include TV (Her 'crime' was iPad related). When I left for work she was happily watching iCarly (groan). I told her before that I wanted her to rest, spend most of the day in bed, and just read, draw or watch TV. She seemed happy enough then, but I don't know if she's whinging at him now or not.

aldiwhore Tue 05-Mar-13 10:19:44

I always find that the problem with long term punishment is that once given shouldn't be retracted, so most of ours bans are short term - 24hours (which hurts enough) OR, if long term isn't something that I'd want to change in 3 days time... no screen time would cause more trouble than it solved for us, if for a week!

For extremely bad behaviour we may take away the right to CHOOSE what's on the screen (believe me a week of having to watch Come Dine With Me or nothing does work).

YANBU. I personaly don't think your DH IBU either. I guess you'll have to spend time with your poorly DD doing things to distract her from screens and poorliness. I would hesitate to retract the punishment, but I suspect I probably would in the end, or knock a few days off for good behaviour ie., try to find a way to get out of the punishment without looking like it's forgotten... perhaps add a few days onto the end, 'punishment time to make up'?

aldiwhore Tue 05-Mar-13 10:20:19

Ah right, I assumed TV too!!

In that case YANBU!

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 10:20:24

I think no screens when at home poorly is more of a punishment for the SAHP caring for them grin Think DH would agree with you there MerryMinge grin

No she can't have the iPad, she's ill, she stays in bed and reads, or gets up and does puzzles. If she's well enough to be asking for iPads, she can go in for afternoon school.

MerryMingeWhingesAgain Tue 05-Mar-13 10:22:59

I had DD off school with a temp and sore throat for one day last week and she did my head in grin Bad mother.

I let her watch TV pretty much all day. She hasn't really got into the computer stuff much yet.

Kiriwawa Tue 05-Mar-13 10:23:31

She can watch TV/do drawing. I'd keep the punishment going if I were you/your DH, especially as she is largely better now.

Otherwise what are you going to do if she's much better this evening? Reinstate it?

mrsjay Tue 05-Mar-13 10:24:39

No and why is dad passing the buck to you hmm tell him to be strong and say no, he is at home with her whinging I suppose id offer her a book or some pens to draw the Ipad may hurt her head again wink

Bogeyface Tue 05-Mar-13 10:25:30

I read your OP to mean TVs aswell.

YANBU, she is pushing it because you aren't there and if he says yes then at a stroke he will be showing her that no matter what you say, Daddy will give in eventually and will render any punishments you give her as useless. This isnt about the punishment but about backing each other up, and if he wont do that then before you know it she will be playing you off against each other.

Try explaining it in those terms and he might understand better.

purpleroses Tue 05-Mar-13 10:25:38

IF she can still watch TV, then I can't see a problem with her not being allowed on the ipad. TV's better if they're poorly as easier to fall asleep to if they need to.

Bogeyface Tue 05-Mar-13 10:26:39

Are you normally "bad cop" OP? I wonder if your DH doesnt like having to do discipline and would rather give in to be "good cop" again.

mrsjay Tue 05-Mar-13 10:27:26

. This isnt about the punishment but about backing each other up, and if he wont do that then before you know it she will be playing you off against each other

^ ^ that

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 10:33:30

DD is rarely ill TBH, normal snots and sniffles only, so for her to wake up crying with pain is very, very unusual.

I dosed her up with Neurofen before I left at 8, so that will be why she is feeling better now - I've no doubt she'll relapse come 11/12. There is something going round - I was feeling ropey last week and there seems to be a lot of kids off school.

I don't want to 'give in' as I was very annoyed/let down with her last week, but also I think that an iPad screen etc will probably make her worse if her head is that bad.

MaryRobinson Tue 05-Mar-13 10:37:02

I think punishing a seven year old for a week is pretty harsh. Would she even remember the crime if you didn't remind her at this stage. Do you think these final two days are the bit that will make her sufficiently contrite for you. Or is it that Your Will has been decreed and she Will Obey Thy Will.
A lot of 7 years literally don't know what day of the week it is.

Bogeyface Tue 05-Mar-13 10:40:19

She was canny enough to do something so serious that meritted the punishment. I hate it when people say "Awww but she is only.....3/4/7/12/21"

Some kids are very canny at 7, others aren't, the OP knows which her DD is and tailored an appropriate punishment.

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 10:43:02

Are you normally "bad cop" OP

Probably. DH is shouty and knee-jerk and gives ridiculous threats "Right, that's it, we're cancelling the holiday" that DD knows he doesn't mean.

I tend to make punishments fit the crime and I do follow through. In all honesty DD is generally a really well behaved kid, so a raise of my eyebrows or a "really?" tends to do the job grin. She is starting to test me now though (nearly 8, and I gather they turn into devil children right about then), so I want her to know I mean business before her hellcat side emerges.

Right, so consensus seems to be I'm not BU. Good - I was wondering if I was turning into Victorian Mum for a while.

thinking1 Tue 05-Mar-13 10:50:17

I think your DD can feel her dad wavering, so is pushing her luck to see if she can get past him.

My 6 year old knows what day of the week it is, and how many days a week is, how long a weekend is, he also constantly asks how many days until our next holiday/visit to X's house etc. etc.. My 8 year old was banned from the Xbox for 2 days last week because he refused to come off when I asked (he knew there was a deadline to leave, and agreed to it in advance), and shouted at me. Funnily enough, since the 2 day ban has ended, he has turned it off himself, at the agreed time. He has learnt. (until the next time....!!!! grin).

A week does seem quite long - but we don't know what the crime was, and the punishment is out there now, so I'd stick to it. Next time you give a punishment like this, if you give in now, she'll be "ill" next time to, I'll bet!!!!

mrsjay Tue 05-Mar-13 10:50:45

a 7 yr old will remember why they are being punished give them some credit , she isn't 3

thinking1 Tue 05-Mar-13 10:51:22

~Aha, so that's right - your DD sees your DH as the soft touch, and she's seeing if she can get him to give in when you aren't there....

oscarwilde Tue 05-Mar-13 10:59:15

I'm agree with Thinking. Never underestimate the ability of a little girl to manipulate their fathers into making them feel sorry for them grin
YANBU

YANBU. She can read, draw, watch TV, she will not die for want of an iPad until Thursday. Your DH should be suitably shamefaced at being manipulated by a 7 year old!

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 11:08:37

Would she even remember the crime if you didn't remind her at this stage Oh yes, she'll never forget it!

Unfortunately DD is very canny hmm. Far more canny than I gave her credit for. She managed to download £250 worth of in-app purchases onto the iPad. Originally I thought it was accidental, because the in-app purchasing had been enabled when I did an iOS update and I hadn't realised. But it turned out she had worked out my password and puchased them on purpose shock

We were able to get the money back, Apple were fabulous, but I was gutted that she'd been so devious. I was ready to ban TV as well I was so bloody angry, but knew it would probably cause more angst for us if I did.

oscarwilde Tue 05-Mar-13 11:15:53

Hmm - a week long ban sounds very reasonable to me but then I'm a proper Victorian. grin
Ask your DH would he still be so keen to hand it over if Apple had not agreed the refund? £250 of childrens crap on an iPad to pay for is not funny.

Bogeyface Tue 05-Mar-13 11:15:58

Wow!

Forget "no iPad for a week" I am afraid I would remove it permanently until she was older, and could prove she could be trusted with it. Accidents happen, as you say, but if she deliberately worked it out knowing that it would cost money then I would not let her use it at all. But then I am Victorian Mum!

Theas18 Tue 05-Mar-13 11:16:05

Our house rule is, regardless of " punishment" if you are ill enough to be off school you are ill enough to be in bed and no TV etc anyway!

Read/draw/colour/lego or in our house radio (they are all radio 4extra fans) yes. But no screens if ill.

Caveat they are now 13/17/19 and to be ill enough to be off school falls into " the worst thing ever" category, so they are never off unless absolutely flattened by illness anyway. No pressure from us, but self enforced " can't miss anything" pressure.

£250!?! shock She's lucky you only banned screens for a week, I'd probably have made it permanent oh OK, maybe a month or three. shock

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 11:16:06

Nothing wrong with kindness Punishment is always dished out by powerful people to little people. Not especially moral

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 11:16:59

I am pleased I am not the child of some of you posters.

And there's a good chance I am pleased not to come into contact with your childrem, kimorama ...

Poppet48 Tue 05-Mar-13 11:18:51

If you don't carry out your 'No screens' punishment she will never learn.

She is allowed to lay and watch TV so YADNBU.

Theas18 Tue 05-Mar-13 11:20:04

Oh, and for getting the password and pending £250 I am also Victorian mummy with Bogeyface. That would be it for ipad access for a very long time indeed. That is real deviousness that she really knew was wrong and did anyway.

Small kids do NOT need ipads, though it seems " the norm" on mums net. My 2 had android tablets at Xmas. Yes the 1st time (poor stunted, socially outcast kids they must be) they have had tablet access- at 13/17/19.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 11:21:13

Punishment is just the last resort of people with little imagination. Good parents outwit children without descending to punishment.

Andro Tue 05-Mar-13 11:22:27

Not especially moral

Do you consider it moral (or responsible) not to teach our dc that actions have consequences? Punishment, where necessary, has to be firm and proportional...but without sanctions how will children learn? Talking alone doesn't work!

YADNBU!

It would be very limited and no unsupervised iPad access for much longer than a week if DS had done that.

What would you do in this situation, kimorama, out of interest?

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 11:26:06

We have a 'no screens' policy for sickdays in any case.

In our house if you are too sick for work/school then you go to bed.

Bloody hell at the ipad 'crime', I would have been much much harsher than you!

Bogeyface Tue 05-Mar-13 11:28:49

Punishment is just the last resort of people with little imagination. Good parents outwit children without descending to punishment.

Thank you! Very shitty day today but this has made me laugh til I wee'd a little bit gringringrin

Bogeyface Tue 05-Mar-13 11:30:07

kimorama Joking aside, how many children do you have and how old are they?

Be a fulltime job trying to keep one step ahead of DS.

I'll stick with Benevolently Firm verging on Draconian, i think.

silverfrog Tue 05-Mar-13 11:31:15

I would have been much harsher than you for the iPad crime too.

I would also not relent in the situation as you have set it out. SHe can have tv/dvd, so not really deprived of curl up and mope under a duvet screen time.

your dh needs to man up and follow through with the punishment he agreed to.

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 11:32:50

That's why I was so upset. I was ready to ban iPad use in entirety, but tempered it with the fact that she had no idea of the actual value of the things she downloaded. They were piles of coins/gems for £69.99 each. Until I explained it to her I don't think she could understand just how much money it really was.

For me the money was immaterial (even if we hadn't got it back) - Of course I was pissed off about it, but it was the sneakiness, the deliberate nature of her 'offence' that upset me more.

Does that make sense?

thinking1 Tue 05-Mar-13 11:33:48

Woah, £250 deliberately?!

Kimorama, in RL, actions have consequences. In this case, OP's DD deliberately (i.e. worked out password and ordered £250 worth of apps) spent £250. Effectively stealing, and certainly dishonest. In RL, stealing carries consequences far worse than removal of an ipad for a week.

I'd love to hear what you'd do in this situation.

I'd also make the OP's DD save up some of the money (although thankfully it sounds like they got it back) to pay it back.

TheChaoGoesMu Tue 05-Mar-13 11:33:54

Jeez, I was going to say maybe reduce the punishment a bit, but for a crime like that I'd take it away forever!

It makes perfect sense, LtEve.

The monetary value of the downloads isn't as important as the fact she knew you would say no to her buying them, so she did it behind your back.

It would be a bad life lesson not to impose a sanction for that.

CheeseStrawWars Tue 05-Mar-13 11:40:32

I'm not sure "outwitting" is any more "moral" than punishment. I don't think kids feel very good about themselves when they've been "outwitted", i.e. "left feeling stupid".

And I was coming on here to say OP was BU and lacking compassion but given the age of the child, the nature of the punishment, and the offence, it seems totally fine. Natural consequences, one could argue - abuse my trust, and I don't want to trust you with my stuff again.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 11:43:56

Read Charles Dickens on children and you will see what your ancestors did.
Please move on from that.

shrimponastick Tue 05-Mar-13 11:44:34

Yanbu op.

I would have said that anyway, before discovering what the punishment was for.

If DS is off school sick, he is allowed to use his laptop only to check if any work has been sent through for him, or to catch up on homework on the school vlm.

<pulls DS down from chimney>

<reluctantly sends him to school>

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 11:47:46

Snort, seriously Dickens?

Seriously?! [Grin]

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 11:48:54

Smileys are case sensitive?! When did this happen?

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 11:49:24

grin

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 05-Mar-13 11:50:48

I was going to say a week is a bit harsh, but after reading what she done I'd have banned her permanently from the iPad! She's still got tv and she can read, draw etc too so yanbu.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 11:53:53

BRIBERY Many parents use some bribery with children "Pass this exam and you will be rewarded" Their are more subtle forms of bribery.

Punishing sick childre, frankly sounds sick except to chinese mums.

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 11:56:26

More of your wisdom please kimorama, I can see now I have been doing it all wrong.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 11:56:38

In my experience punishments are handid down from say mother to daughter. A smacking mum has a daughter who smacks.

But fashions change; and what was permissable 50 yearsd ago might get you a visit from the law now.

aldiwhore Tue 05-Mar-13 11:57:04

To be fair, your dd did you a favour. If a 7 year old can guess your password, then it's a shite password. I would still punish, because she knew it was wrong, but I'd also REWARD her for flagging up my rubbish security. grin

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 05-Mar-13 11:57:08

What do you mean kimo?

aldiwhore Tue 05-Mar-13 11:57:58

A smacking mum has a daughter who smacks?

Really?

I suppose only gay parents have gay children too huh?

Gentleness Tue 05-Mar-13 11:58:01

I'm fascinated that kimora thinks my ancestors are in Dickens and think the way you've dealt with your dd shows the wisdom and flair of your namesake OP. Hope your dh manages to not give in. I recognise his pain. My 2 are quarantined till 48hrs past diarrhea but have ample energy and frustration to drive me mad.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 12:00:45

Morloth. There is no strict RIGHT and WRONG for rearing children. We must remember that families are sort of secret. So a question a parent may ask themselves. is would I admit what I do to my children publicly; or is it controversial?

Thats one test.

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 12:01:04

That's OK then I dont have any daughters.

Where did smacking come from? Removing a 7 year olds ipad access is not actually equivalent to a beating...

Darksideofthe80s Tue 05-Mar-13 12:01:18

KIM surely your bribery suggestion is teaching the child consequences of a positive action, exactly the same as op teaching the child the consequences of a negative act.

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 12:01:54

To be fair, your dd did you a favour. If a 7 year old can guess your password, then it's a shite password
Absolutely Aldiwhore, no argument from me. Certainly gave me a kick up the arse - until this happened we didn't even have security set up on our PC (because DD was always supervised, and Safari is disabled on the iPad), but I've sorted all that out now.

My password is now that long and complex I'm having trouble remembering it grin

She is far more 'computer literate' than I gave her credit for and TBH I thank my lucky stars that this is all that happened.

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 12:02:07

Have you perhaps been on the saki?

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 12:02:56

Well I dont think punishemt and sexuality are sensible comparisions. Do you?

TotallyBursar Tue 05-Mar-13 12:04:16

That's not any kind of answer now it is Kimorama?

Yanbu op.

shrimponastick Tue 05-Mar-13 12:05:42

kimorama are you deliberately trying to derail the thread. You are talking absolute nonsense.

The DD did something wrong. The DPs set a punishment. The pu nishment fits the crime. How else will the DD learn that she was wrong if not.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 12:05:43

Darkside there is obvious bribery and subtle bribery. For goodness sake the school system has league tables.

Incidentally on smacking Thatcher said "No need for it, shouting is enough"

Darksideofthe80s Tue 05-Mar-13 12:06:15

I don't know what sort of 'secret' shit goes on behind your closed doors kim but I think it's tainting your view of normal parenting.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 12:07:33

By this time a Chinese Mum has usually showed their face on mumsnet.
Not hiding in the cupboard are you?

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 12:08:37

My parenting isn't any sort of secret as I am sure my neighbours will agree.

Viviennemary Tue 05-Mar-13 12:11:14

At first I thought ahhhhhh, let her have the i-pad. But maybe not.

But you could give her the choice. If she has the I-pad now for say two days then she must have two days without it next week or when she is feeling better.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 12:13:47

Normal Parenting is diverse Darkside.

Career mothers often feel they have to be more disciplinarian because they are busy away from the children. (They admit this privately)

A sad case came before a judge. A woman went to work and left her 3 year old penned round the TV (She was desperate...but)

Kimorama Throwing apparent insults- 'chinese mums' Really? hmm Shows that you're as childish as the child OP is punishing, but with a wonky moral stance.

OP- You are reasonable. I would probably suggest the ban gets extended each time its asked for. Then again I am another Victorian mum.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 12:15:54

On the original op. Punishment and kids with high temperatures do not go together,. A prisoner would be in the hospital wing.

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 05-Mar-13 12:16:23

If she's off school with a sore head then wouldn't staring at the iPad screen possibly make her headache worse anyway?

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 12:17:30

Yeah but he probably wouldn't have an ipad.

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 05-Mar-13 12:18:55

"A prisoner would be in the hospital wing."

I bet they wouldn't be in the hospital wing playin on an iPad though grin

Andro Tue 05-Mar-13 12:19:12

kimorama - you seem to difficulty understanding the concept of rights versus privileges. I consider that my children have (among other things) a right to food, water, clothes, a safe and warm house and to know they are loved and cared for. TV, computers, sound systems, gadgets, play dates etc are privileges...any of which can be revoked if behaviour is unacceptable. A child who abuses the privilege of computer time, is clearly not ready for the level of responsibility associated with that privilege...accordingly the privilege is revoked. That's not cruel, that's responsible parenting.

Bogeyface Tue 05-Mar-13 12:23:13

Andro

Brilliant post, couldnt have put it better myself.

kimorama Tue 05-Mar-13 12:23:30

Morloth point taken. Good for you.

wigglesrock Tue 05-Mar-13 12:25:47

I wouldn't let her have the i-pad and I'm soft touch central. To be honest I probably wouldn't let her have it again for quite some time, maybe look at it after Easter. My 5 year old ran a very high temp for most of last week and I wouldn't let her have anything screen related, her head was sore too. She watched a bit of tv.

Morloth Tue 05-Mar-13 12:26:27

How very odd.

Now, I have to sleep, be strong OP I actually think it is important for her not to get the ipad back.

StuntGirl Tue 05-Mar-13 12:32:07

YANBU eve. She could read, draw, play quietly. You're letting her watch tv so she's not completely without entertainment.

I can see how your husband may now be wavering now he's alone at home with her and she's guilting him into relenting but you decided the punishment together and it would not be unreasonable to see it through.

However if you feel like being truly Dickensian you could send her out to clean some chimneys. She might as well be useful and make you some money while she's off school grin

farewellfarewell Tue 05-Mar-13 12:34:28

She is only little, she is ill yabu and I agree with your dh

farewellfarewell Tue 05-Mar-13 12:39:27

Oops, should have read the full thread.....when you said naughty I thought the usual stuff 7yr olds do (mine anyway!). That was pretty naughty have to say....I don't think I would allow her to use ipad.

MmeThenardier Tue 05-Mar-13 12:41:41

Whilst I think you're right, I also think the ultimate decision to relax the punishment lies with the SAHP. If that's your dh in this case, he is probably best placed to judge. He certainly has the stress of dealing with a sick child which is no fun.

ukatlast Tue 05-Mar-13 12:45:42

YABU
At the age of 7, a week is an eternity. If your DH is the SAHD, he should be the one mainly responsible for discipline not you. What on earth can a 7 year old do that is so terrible?

ukatlast Tue 05-Mar-13 12:49:04

Oh okay, just read the crime lol. If she has access to TV, then I apologise YANBU but in general 7 days is too long a sanction for anyone, yet alone a 7 year old.

SminkoPinko Tue 05-Mar-13 13:02:58

no way should he relent! it's a fair but not harsh consequence for an action that needs a strong "you were way out of line" message. her illness is neither here nor there. an ipad is not necessary to aid her recovery or care and imo the ban should definitely stand. it will seriously undermine your authority as parents if you rescind the ban early and if dh does it will reinforce or create a sense that he is the softy and you do the discipline. no no no from me!

Andro Tue 05-Mar-13 13:03:07

I also think the ultimate decision to relax the punishment lies with the SAHP

I really disagree with this. At best, it undermines the parent who gave the punishment (assuming that parent is WOH), at worst it sends the message that enough whinging/guilt tripping/pleading will result in sanction being lifted.

* If your DH is the SAHD, he should be the one mainly responsible for discipline not you.*

Her DH supported the punishment when it was handed out, does being a SAHD justify undermining his DW now that things have got a little tough?

Andro Tue 05-Mar-13 13:03:50

Sigh, spectacular bold fail there...

SminkoPinko Tue 05-Mar-13 13:13:01

I agree that a week is an eternity to a 7 y o and I think a ban that feels like an eternity is entirely appropriate here! if one of my children did this and apple didn't refund we would be seriously in the financial shit. children need to learn about the realities of family finances in a safe way as well as the likely reaction and consequences when trust is broken and I think the OP's response has been calm yet clear, just and reasonable.

I can safely say that withdrawing iPad privileges for a breach of trust regarding said device wouldn't be something the police would be terribly interested in.

LtEveDallas Tue 05-Mar-13 13:30:10

Had another call from DH. It seems he is now feeling ropey, hence wanting to back down for some peace and quiet.

We've had a chat and he accepts that the punishment should stand. I think DD was pushing and whinging at him and he thought she was feeling better as he started to feel ill.

Her temp went back up once the Nurofen wore off, so she's now quiet in bed watching even more iCarly. He's going to join her and hopefully they'll both fall asleep!

Thanks all thanks. Wish me luck for when I get home - two grumpy whingy ill people wont be fun smile

Viewofthehills Tue 05-Mar-13 13:32:43

Can safely say that if my 7 yr old did this the i pad access would be withdrawn until she could show me that she was responsible enough to be trusted.

Say aged about 12.

YANBU

thinking1 Tue 05-Mar-13 13:33:20

PMSL at Kimorama's ridiculous statements. Bribery? Does that mean saying to OP's DD "That was a naughty thing to do DD. I will give you sweets/money/clothes/something you want if you never do that again".

DD then thinks hmmmmmmm, what shall I do next? If I do something EVEN NAUGHTIER, Mum/Dad will offer me sweets/money/clothes/something I want x 2 so that I never do that again".....

Great outcome hmm

Iggly Tue 05-Mar-13 13:33:55

7 year old has an iPad?!

<stirs>



YANBU OP

thinking1 Tue 05-Mar-13 13:35:50

And as for saying that removing an ipad for this action is akin to being a character in Dickens. Well, words fail me. In Dickens time, the child would maybe have been sent to a workhouse, flogged, made to carry round a sign saying "thief", put into adult prison. The removal of the privilege of playing on a little screen compared to those methods of public and horrific humiliation? hmm

Hissy Tue 05-Mar-13 14:09:29

Yanbu, the iPad needs to stay off limits. She knows what she's doing, and this is a ruse to get you to buckle.

My DS would be punished in exactly the same way, if ever he did this.

In fact, I'm going to toughen up on the 1-day bans for not coming off the tech when I ask him to. The shouting rings true here too.

This thread is really helpful actually! grin

SminkoPinko Tue 05-Mar-13 15:14:48

good luck dealing with the grumpy ill people, op!

Yfronts Tue 05-Mar-13 15:44:27

No shes got TV

thinking1 Tue 05-Mar-13 15:54:41

Glad the shouting when asked to turn off (esp when they've been told how long they've got til we have to leave to go somewhere) isn't just my kids!!!! The 2 day ban has worked wonders - because DS now has to think about the consequences of refusing to stick to his part of the deal, and shouting at me. This isn't me imposing my great big adult "you will do as I say" will on him - it's to do with us having negotiated a position that he has then gone back on - hence not allowed on again for a couple of days so he can reflect on what might have been a better choice......

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