To not spend Mother's Day with my one and only child?

(42 Posts)
TangoPurple Tue 05-Mar-13 08:44:09

My mum's offered to have her for the full day, and I've accepted.

She's 5yo and so far i've spent every Mother's Day, every Christmas, every birthday and every Hogsmany with it being just me and her. This will be the first 'big calendar event' that we're not together for. She's getting picked up at 10am and being brought home at 7pm.

I feel really guilty though! It's my mum's Mother's Day too, and she's got a house full of people already, and now my daughter's being added into the mix. So i'll have a nice day to myself, while she won't.

But she did offer/insist.

AIBU? Should all mothers spend the day with their children on Mother's Day?

NeedlesCuties Tue 05-Mar-13 08:46:33


Tell your mum I have 2 kids she's welcome to have for the day too wink

Enjoy your time 'off'. Your DD is still young, it won't be an upset to her.

We're going to a birthday party on Mother's Day. I think the birthday child's mother organised the entire thing. I figure soft play and screaming 3 and 4 year olds is as good a way to spend mothers' day as any.

It depends, really.

If your idea of a lovely Mother's Day is to have the day to yourself, then I guess it's okay?

But having just seen my hubby lose his stepmum, I'm of the mind where I say every little counts... I know I've certainly felt that way.

Theas18 Tue 05-Mar-13 09:03:12

Perfect set up I'd say!

Your mum gets to spend time with your DD and she with her gran and the rest of the gathering . That's special for them both.

You get time off- use it to do something lovely that you want to do. Go to a spa, walk the hills, stay in bed and read a whole book in a day . Any of the little treats you can't do with your DD.

Unless you are religious, in which it has significance as a day in itself, it's really a marketing opportunity isn't it. You can have a special day with your DD that is just your day, another time surely. For instance I don't bother with Valentines day etc we go out another night- cheaper and nicer as not surrounded by " special" menus and other couples...

frazmum Tue 05-Mar-13 09:11:36

Enjoy the day - sounds like your mum is quite happy with having her. Is it your mum dropping her back at 7? If so, why don't the 3 of you have some cake together as a little celebration?

DeafLeopard Tue 05-Mar-13 09:12:55

What Thea said. Don't feel guilty - enjoy your day

shrimponastick Tue 05-Mar-13 09:16:36


Your DM will enjoy having your DD. DD will no doubt have fun with all the other guests. You get to relax on your own. Sounds perfect to me.

Mrsrobertduvall Tue 05-Mar-13 09:20:27

Sounds great.
I expect dh will be playing golf, and the dcs will be out and about.

I will go and do something nice on my own, away from restaurants serving Mothers Day menus.

Does mothers' day have religious significance? In which religion? (I ask because the date of mothers' day varies depending upon where you are in the world)

Callisto Tue 05-Mar-13 09:27:51

I'm in the minority then, to actually want to spend the day with my DD (and my mother if she was still alive)? I find it quite odd that you wouldn't want to be with your mother/mil/children tbh.

Mothers Day was traditionally the day that female servants got to go home and spend time with their families. It has nowt to do with religion or card companies.

Mydelilah Tue 05-Mar-13 09:32:37

YANBU. She's not leaving until 10 am - plenty of time on the morning for her to give you your card and make you 'breakfast' wink. Relax and enjoy a well-earned day off!

MortifiedAdams Tue 05-Mar-13 09:33:46

But it's mothers day - not daughters day. If it was dds birthday I would say YABU but its your day to relax and enjoy.

It also sounds like your dd will have a brilliant day.

aldiwhore Tue 05-Mar-13 09:36:47

YANBU to accept the offer of help and give yourself a day to yourself at all.

I couldn't do it on Mother's Day... for me it's not JUST about letting mum do whatever she wants, it's about family. My children are cooking dinner (I have emergency supplies just in case it all goes wrong) and we'll have a family day where I get to choose everything. Mother's Day for me is a two way street, not my day to tell the kids and DH to naff off smile I fully acknowledge it's different for everyone, so you're still NBU!

Enjoy your day offf.

Librarina Tue 05-Mar-13 09:41:58

I think it's fine. You are doing something nice for your Mum, letting her spend the day with a person she loves very much!

2beornot Tue 05-Mar-13 09:42:06

Mother's Day in the uk is always on the 4th Sunday of lent, and Catholics celebrate Mary on this day too. Not sure which way round it happened though.

Librarina Tue 05-Mar-13 09:42:32

(that came out wrong - I didn't mean that she doesn't love you, just that Grandma's really like spending time with their Grandchildren)

mrsjay Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:08

your mum offered is there something going on she has a house full ? I would chill out relax and have a nice day to yourself do what you want, get a takeaway watch rubbish tv or go out and do something, Juts because it is MD doesnt mean your mum feels put upon, my mum works most mothers days , saying all that my 2o yr old is going out with her boyfriend for the day I am a wee but upset about it sad TBF she didnt realise it was MD when she organised her day out,

mrsjay Tue 05-Mar-13 09:51:27


KellyElly Tue 05-Mar-13 09:53:11

Enjoy it! At 5 your DD won't really understand Mother's Day anyway. It's not like she'll make you a cup of tea in bed and take you for lunch! My DD is three and she'll probably be just as naughty on Sunday as she is every day at the moment grin

RubyrooUK Tue 05-Mar-13 09:58:39

YANBU. You are giving your mum some good time with her grandchild (my mum would be VERY happy with that). So you are treating your mum on Mother's Day to a situation that would make her feel happy.

And your mum is treating you in turn by offering you a rare selfish day to be yourself. So your mum is also treating you on Mother's Day.

So I don't think this is a case of nobody thinking about each other in a special day. Quite the opposite.

TangoPurple Tue 05-Mar-13 09:58:52

Thanks, everyone.

No, it's not guests my mum's having round - it's her permanent household. My dad, my two teenage brothers, and my sister is coming to stay for the weekend too.

So it'll end up just being an average Sunday for my lovely mum. A bit of housework, running around after everyone else, and making the sunday dinner. This is why i feel guilty. My mum doesn't seem to think it's a special day for her.

Lots of my friends are going out to lunch with their mums and their own children. I suggested this to my mum but she doesn't fancy it.

I'm thinking i could get quite a bit of work done while dd's away, it's not a religious event for us. If dd was to stay with me, it would probably just be a typical Sunday for us. Whereas she loves visiting her Gran.

MolotovCocktail Tue 05-Mar-13 10:02:19

YABU - I'm clearly another one in the minority but I don't understand you're not wanting this day with your child.

TangoPurple Tue 05-Mar-13 10:08:21

I suppose i just see it as being the same as any other Sunday. But i feel a great obligation to spend it with dd because on the calendar it says 'Mother's Day'.

I think dd would have a far better time at Granny's house, playing out in the garden, having her aunt and uncles around - than she would with me at home, doing the same old, boring, Sunday routine.

SpicyPear Tue 05-Mar-13 10:12:20

YANBU. There is no need for Mother's Day to be a big deal if you don't want it to. For various reasons my DM is not into it at all. We've never celebrated it but we have a great relationship and do a lot of stuff together even though I now live a couple of hours away.

RedToothBrush Tue 05-Mar-13 10:20:47

Mothers Day is not a 'big calendar event'.

Thats it really.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Tue 05-Mar-13 10:27:51

I am just wondering why you and rest of family don't all get together and do something nice for your Mum, yanbu to have a day on your own I just don't think I would want to not be with my mum too on the day and make it special for her. DD would surely enjoy having all her family together and your mum could have some treats like you all doing the lunch for her etc.

footphobic Tue 05-Mar-13 10:28:48

My views are also different but I understand people feel differently about the day.

Because I lost my mum when I was a young girl, I remember vividly every year through primary school the class making cards for Mothering Sunday and me being the only one who didn't...I was very sad but it was the 70's so no one thought to worry about it.

Now I have 5 dcs, it's a very poignant day for me but now it's all about enjoying my family. I wouldn't want to be on my own - I can't imagine (even without the background) wanting to spend the day without my children.

I know some mums might not want a fuss, but that doesn't mean they shouldn't be a bit spoiled for a day or have a treat. It also depends how much appreciation might be shown to her during the rest of the year, it doesn't necessarily come down to just one day, but still, it is a special day and she shouldn't be running around after everyone else as usual...are they all happy to let her?

I take the point about crowded restaurants, but as you say there is a houseful, I would plan with them to cook a lovely meal (and get those who live there to do the housework!), all do a course each.

You say it will be an average Sunday for you mum, but does it need to be? Have a quiet morning by yourself if you like but if it was me I'd go over later with a bunch of flowers and some chocs, and spend a lovely afternoon with your mum and dd.

footphobic Tue 05-Mar-13 10:31:14

Sorry, x posts with StepAway

It's a generational thing though surely? You and you dd and your mum?

TangoPurple Tue 05-Mar-13 10:38:14

I have 7 siblings, so my mum and dad have 8 kids together in total. She admits it would be too much stress to have everyone together for a meal, and too expensive to go out, especially since my older siblings are married and have children themselves. The house would be bursting at the seams!

My dad and brothers that live there work a lot during the week, so will probably just lounge around the house on the Sunday. My sister will be there though, which will be nice for my mum.

I see my mum 2-3 times a week already with dd, but she likes to have time on her own with dd if you see what i mean? When i'm there, my mum feels as if she has to take a step back, ask my permission to do stufff, sit down and chat rather than get on normally.

mrsjay Tue 05-Mar-13 10:52:58

I am just wondering why you and rest of family don't all get together and do something nice for your Mum, yanbu to have a day on your own I just don't think I would want to not be with my mum too on the day and make it special for her. DD would surely enjoy having all her family together and your mum could have some treats like you all doing the lunch for her etc.

I just came back to suggest ^ ^ tango why dont you go round for a while spend some time with your mum

Snowflakepie Tue 05-Mar-13 11:02:10

I will be at work on Mothers Day and my mum and MIL both live 2 hours away. It's no biggie in any of our lives, I will send a card as I have done since I left home. If it bothers you then by all means go too, but otherwise if she has offered to have your DD and there's no pressure or issue, enjoy the peace! Equally, my family have often held celebrations on days other than the 'official' one, owing to travel, work, etc. This year we had Christmas on the 28th dec, my birthday 2 days late and DDs 3rd birthday a day early as it was the only way we could have family time and make it special. I hate the insane commercialisation of family and the guilt that seems to go with it all.

FWIW, my idea of heaven would be a day to myself away from my toddler. Best Mother's Day gift ever. Get her a nice gift to say thank you and lots of appreciation when you see her. She sounds a lovely mum x

MyNameIsAnAnagram Tue 05-Mar-13 11:09:25

YANBU. My first ever mothers day was spent with a friend doing my sport, which is quite a timeconsuming one so not one I had had a chance to do much with a small bfing baby. Did I feel guilty? not one bit! I had a lovely day, ds had a lovely day with his dad. Everyoine won.

lubeybooby Tue 05-Mar-13 11:11:06

Enjoy! I'm away on a work trip for mothers day. Though thankfully that particular day no actual work needs doing. I'll be 400 miles from my DD though!

NumericalMum Tue 05-Mar-13 12:29:30

That would be heaven on Mother's Day to be truly spoilt! Tbh Mother's Day is a total non event in our house. DH is away this year and previous years have involved no special celebration. It isn't Mother's Day where I am from but if it was I would spend the day with my mum, although that would probably cause mil to throw a strop so in reality I would carry on as if it were any other Sunday!

Jenny70 Tue 05-Mar-13 12:34:54

If my children had some great event and it fell on mothers day, we'd do it the weekend before/after, no problem.

But this sounds to me like everyone is having a mothers day lunch with your mum, except you.... then I'd feel left out.

Why exactly aren't you going too, and your mum can have DD another day?

Picturing your family giving presents to your mum, but you not there, picturing a toast to "all our mums" at lunch, with you not there and your DD not having a mum to say thanks to....

If it's just a regular sunday, then why not go along and create some things to make it a special mothers day lunch?

Summerblaze Tue 05-Mar-13 13:58:40

Did I miss the memo that said Mothers Day was a big calendar event. Do what you want to do.

You say that you are a single mum and obviously don't get the chance to do what you want to do a lot of the time. Last year MD fell on my daughters birthday. She did give me a card and a present but really that was the only time it was mentioned. The rest of the day was hers. Was I bothered. Not at all. Its just a day. My mum has been on holiday for it quite a few years and gets her card when she gets home.

Calabria Wed 06-Mar-13 08:51:00

For those that were asking if it were a religious event

2rebecca Wed 06-Mar-13 08:57:26

My kids are with their dad on mothers' day. We never remember it when working out the weekends. They often forget to send a card or text, largely because my ex never bothers with it for his mum and they're usually doing stuff.
I know they love me though and that I am their mum.

DaveMccave Wed 06-Mar-13 10:06:21

Yanbu. My dd goes to her fathers at the weekend, an he always tried to bring her back early on Mother's Day and makes me feel guilty if I say the normal afternoon time is fine. I'd rather have the break!

rainbow2000 Wed 06-Mar-13 10:16:10

Whats the big guilt trip on the op she has her dd every day she is entitled to have one day to herself.
When my mother was alive i brought her out dp had the kids.Same when it was Fathers day he had his day out.

Im going out for dinner and drinks on Sunday that oesnt mean i dont love my kids,it just means a bit of me time

Wikipedia suggests that it once was a religious event (that had little or nothing to do with mothers) that was turned into what we celebrate as Mother's Day in the 20th century for entirely secular/commercial reasons. So not a religious event.

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