To think it's really quite odd when grown women talk about 'besties'?

(71 Posts)
HerLordship Tue 05-Mar-13 08:09:38

Have n/c for this but I am a regular

I've known a friend for a couple of years. I like her and enjoy her company and think we are generally pretty close. Our DCs get on well. We are both 36.

However, she has 2 best friends, whom she calls her 'besties', and she talks about them all the time. She'll say things like 'I'm going to Frankie and Bennys on Saturday with X and Y, obviously it's just the three of us though as we're all besties, so you wouldn't be able to come'. And whenever we chat she mentions both of them, and says 'My bestie, X' or 'My bestie, Y' whenever she mentions them. I'm never allowed to go to any event or meet up where both 'besties' will be. She once invited me round for lunch to hers but then cancelled on the day as the 'besties' asked her out to lunch elsewhere, and she has said they get priority.

On Facebook if the two besties reply to her status she always says things like 'Thank you my wonderful bestie', or if she has met them both then her statuses say about 'meeting up with the besties'

It's fair enough that she has these best friends, and makes it plain to me I'm not a best friend. However am I alone in thinking it's rather odd for women in their thirties to still be calling their best friends 'besties' and for being so possessive over them. Even my teenage daughter and her friends don't behave in that manner!

Stelmosfire Tue 05-Mar-13 08:11:07

She sounds ridiculous frankly

ssd Tue 05-Mar-13 08:11:28

she sounds like a PITA, I wouldnt be her friend

littlemefi Tue 05-Mar-13 08:13:04

I would find that really annoying !
She sounds she is aged 8!

EarlyInTheMorning Tue 05-Mar-13 08:13:37

She sounds like a 5 year old

Tell her she can't play at your house anymore!

Seriously she sounds rediculous and I wouldn't want to meet her besties anyway incase it's more of the same.

HerLordship Tue 05-Mar-13 08:16:09

It's odd because in some ways we are close, and we get on fine, and she's lovely, but she seems to revert back to being a child whenever the two 'besties' get in on the equation.

FlowerTruck Tue 05-Mar-13 08:18:11

What an idiot ! Her not you.

bootsycollins Tue 05-Mar-13 08:28:22

Do her "besties" reciprocate? What a dick, the whole cancelling your plans for the besties is a proper cunts trick.

sydlexic Tue 05-Mar-13 08:30:52

Do not let people treat you like that. Don't be anyone's second best. It is ok that she has closer friends but making arrangements with you and telling you that you have been dropped for someone higher ranking is cruel and illmannerred.

HerLordship Tue 05-Mar-13 08:36:41

I'm not sure bootsy, as I've not met them. I'm thinking they must do. They seem pretty tight as a trio.

valiumredhead Tue 05-Mar-13 08:37:23

I would not want to spend anytime with someone who was quite frankly so bloody rude!

loubielou31 Tue 05-Mar-13 08:39:48

This is a bit wierd IMO so no YANBU.
I have described someone as "one of my oldest and best friends" because, well she is, but what you're describing just sounds like rudeness.
It may be that she likes spending time with you on your own and doesn't want to share you with her "besties" but she just sound a bit immature really.

Adversecamber Tue 05-Mar-13 08:40:32

If people want a bestie well whatever as teens say. However she is very rude telling you that you are on a lower rung as a friend. She treats you very badly.

That is weird.

Judging by your title I actually came on this thread to tell you that yes you are being unreasonable, as I have a best friend and jokingly call her 'bestie' when we are together or making plans etc... However, I don't call her that in front of my other friends, and certainly wouldn't point out that I was excluding other friends for not being my best friend... That's just rude and a bit immature!

Lifeisontheup Tue 05-Mar-13 08:43:53

Anyone who calls a friend a 'bestie' makes me think of Aunt Bessies and I go off into a yorkshire pudding craving day dream. grin

She sounds a real charmer, not worth your energy.

bootsycollins Tue 05-Mar-13 08:44:08

Hmmmm I have a very active imagination so I'm going to suggest that she's an absolute fantasist/pathological liar whose invented these "besties" to enhance her "fun filled jam packed social schedule". Has she ever mentioned the besties actual names? When she mentions them on Facebook do they ever like her status updates? Have you ever seen photographic evidence that they actually exist?hmm Does that emoticon mean suspicious?grin

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 08:47:04

She excludes you from outings because you're not one of her besties? How can you keep a straight face, ffs! Ditch her and leave her to play with her kindergarten friends, and find yourself some grown ups to spend time with.

Sugarice Tue 05-Mar-13 08:54:34

Bloody hell , she's hard work isn't she?

Does she really drop everything when they summon her? don't lose any sleep over this overgrown needy woman, let her and the 'besties' get on with it.

valiumredhead Tue 05-Mar-13 08:57:14

All this 'I have besties and you can't come' nonsense is all about making herself feel better about herself. silly cow

quesadilla Tue 05-Mar-13 08:58:50

I agree... Sounds childish and tiresome. Also kind of l

LottieJenkins Tue 05-Mar-13 08:59:37

She wouldnt be a friend of mine if she behaved like that! I would find proper friends who were going to understand what friendship means and not make me feel unwanted! Not a reflection on you OP thats how i would deal with it!

MidnightMasquerader Tue 05-Mar-13 09:00:01

Oh <cringe> for her. She needs to cop onto herself.

I have a best friend of 34 years (I'm 39) and we're close, but that sort of behaviour just takes the biscuit

YANBU. You need to start taking the mick out of her and her 'besties' a bit.

quesadilla Tue 05-Mar-13 09:00:24

Whoops... Fat finger. Also a bit like she is trying a bit too hard. If someone really is that close yo you you generally don't have to shout it from the rooftops like that. You just get on with it.

"... obviously it's just the three of us though as we're all besties, so you wouldn't be able to come'."
Dear god that reads like she's five years old!

"I'm never allowed to go to any event or meet up where both 'besties' will be. She once invited me round for lunch to hers but then cancelled on the day as the 'besties' asked her out to lunch elsewhere, and she has said they get priority."
She is not odd. She is plain fucking RUDE. I could not be friends with this woman, and I would most certainly have torn a strip off her for cancelling.

MoodyDidIt Tue 05-Mar-13 09:03:22

ha ha she sounds a right twat grin

curiousgeorgie Tue 05-Mar-13 09:04:03

My best friend of about 15 years call each other 'besties' in cards etc, in a generally jokey way.

But to say it as a way of exclusion is very high school...

Witchesbrewandbiscuits Tue 05-Mar-13 09:04:03

lol i have so say i have "besties" but i dont publicise this at every opportunity and certainly wouldnt exclude another friend because of it. it is a bit bizarre in all honesty.

Latara Tue 05-Mar-13 09:05:59

That sounds horrible to treat you like that; & also very immature.

I'm 36 & i suppose you could describe 2 of my oldest friends as my 'best' friends but i don't refer to them as 'besties' (cringe) & i definitely would never treat my other friends badly!

She sounds like she is still at school!

LondonNinja Tue 05-Mar-13 09:08:36

YANBU. She is rude.

Tell her you don't want to be anyone's second bestie! (Do people actually use that word past the age of ten?!)

Crunchymunchyhoneycakes Tue 05-Mar-13 09:09:23

What a total fandan. Why are you friends with her at all?

LadyClariceCannockMonty Tue 05-Mar-13 09:15:44

I don't have as much of a problem with the word 'besties' as with this:

'it's just the three of us though as we're all besties, so you wouldn't be able to come'

and cancelling on you at the last minute in favour of them.

She's a cow and needs to grow up.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Tue 05-Mar-13 09:18:58

Is she 5 yrs old?

Cancelling on you for lunch with her 'besties'? Downright bloody rude. I can't believe you even bother with her, she sounds like a twat.

Imaginethat Tue 05-Mar-13 09:26:01

Ugh what an idiot. I don't know how you can stand being round her. I actually find best friend talk, of any age, ridiculous and anti social. In grown women it is absurd.

kerala Tue 05-Mar-13 09:30:35

Pathetic I would be embarrassed for her. But then I cringe when any adult uses the term "best" friend. Surely rounded adults have nuanced relationships with lots of friends from various bits of their lives singling one out as "best" sounds needy and playground to me and is also pretty rude to other friends.

I know people that refer to old student friends as "best" yet they hardly see them and when they do spend the next few days complaining about them as they have obviously drifted apart. I think sometimes old friends get elevated out of nostalgia whereas the (real) local friends that you see all the time, go out for drinks and family days out with never assume this mythic status.

eavesdropping Tue 05-Mar-13 10:19:25

I thought this was just going to be an AIBU about the term "besties" and was ready to tell you YANBU, it's utterly vomit-inducing.

But this woman is being an absolute COW to you. Don't let yourself be second best anymore. In fact I would be tempted to give her a taste of her own medicine...arrange something with her (would need to be something she really wants to do, so you won't be dropped for the beasties besties) and then cancel on her at the very last minute as you have a better offer.

In reality I probably wouldn't do that, but I wouldn't make any more plans with her.

Feminine Tue 05-Mar-13 10:23:45

op drop this woman.

She sounds totally peculiar.

Its very similar to how little girls behave, and yet she is 36?

This is not an up building situation is it? it makes for sour nasty to have to live it.

and so ... its a YANBU from me!

What bizarre and annoying behaviour! The word 'Beastie' makes me cringe (it's up there with hun), so YANBU and even more YANBU because this woman is rude and odd.

BumBiscuits Tue 05-Mar-13 10:44:54

Three is a bad number for 'besties' cringe

It'll be fun when they all fall out.l

thegreylady Tue 05-Mar-13 10:48:52

Such a silly word for an adult to use. Does she see nice doggies or feed the duckies too?

SneakyNinja Tue 05-Mar-13 10:54:31

Urgh! This thread isn't really about the term 'bestie' though is it? It's about your friend being a dick.

Yanbu either way though. The term 'best friend' has always made me cringe a little inside.

AnaisB Tue 05-Mar-13 11:03:18

I came on ready to say YABU - I don't use the word myself, but it doesn't bother me. After reading the OP YADNBU - she is ridiculous.

Smacks of deep insecurity to me. I wonder if the other two are slightly closer and she's afraid of being left behind if she doesn't grip on as tightly as she can.

I know someone like this. It is a bit sad and yanbu. If you really like her then just see how it goes but otherwise... back away slowly.

Ive just been going through the very same thing! Known this woman for a good 10 years or so (Im nearly 31, her nearly 33, her dp and my dh are mates and worked together so we were kind of mates because of that) anyway she'd come out with the exact same things - going on about her 'bestie' and like you, not inviting me along to anything where her bestie would be, it was all very seperate. Id suggest daytime things eg going into town, walks, meals etc and she'd agree, but would only want to see me of an evening for wine, or if there was a works do and she needed someone to sit with....

Anyway despite my attempts to ignore being left out, or the snide comments directed at me but in the guise of 'I didnt mean it like that/ you're taking it the wrong way' etc and blatant lies Ive just ended the friendship. I feel a bit mean (though I wasnt mean to her, she plays a very good 'poor me' and I seem to be feeling guilt for finally standing up for myself hmm ) but I think its for the best. Proper friends want you to be happy, feel good about yourself, and involve you.

I recently met a couple of women who are downright lovely, and within a matter of months the friendship is just how it should be - theres no 'one upmanship' crap going on, and we all involve each other in things or at least extend the invite. I think meeting these 2 gave me the confidence to realise that its really not been me that had the weird issues, but the 'friend' who obviously liked to put me down to make herself feel better.

Sorry for the long post blush but for so long I thought I had a problem and was unable to make friends with anyone sad

Smudging Tue 05-Mar-13 11:36:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

member Tue 05-Mar-13 11:36:25

She's trying to exert power over how much you "try" in the relationship in the hope you'll attempt to become a bestie.

These besties may be friends of long-standing, but I bet they feel a bit bullied or manipulated. Does this woman voice a lot "I don't give a shit" type opinions by any chance? I may be projecting slightly blush, but this reminds me of a vile woman that I once knew.

HerLordship Tue 05-Mar-13 11:40:55

She does, yes, member. Lots of very outspoken opinions...

idococktailshedoesbeer Tue 05-Mar-13 11:58:37

She sounds very insecure. I couldn't be bothered with this, at all. I'd move on...

navada Tue 05-Mar-13 12:00:36

Do woman really try & control other women in this way? I've never had a very close female friend so this all sounds very odd to me.

But in answer to the question - yes, the word 'bestie' is rather silly.

BibiBlocksberg Tue 05-Mar-13 13:11:06

YANBU at all OP, the word alone makes me cringe and the behaviour of your friend sounds very childish. Someone I know appointed herself my best friend recently and now signs e-mails to me 'bestie'

Makes my toenails curl every time I see it, especially considering the way she treats me is nowhere near how a best friend would behave. If I'm her best friend I'd hate to see how she treats her enemies smile

member Tue 05-Mar-13 13:29:40

I do tink referring to bestie is silly but could probably overlook it if she sounded nice/giving in other respects.

She sounds horribly like the woman I referred to in my earlier post who has been known to delete supposed friends out of her life as casually as if they were merely an online acquaintance. She's already putting you down, ditch her - she's trouble/hurt in waiting.

wineandroses Tue 05-Mar-13 13:42:10

Are you sure these 'besties' actually exist? Maybe she has more than one facebook account and sends replies from 'besties' to herself? Have you or anyone you know ever met them?

Anyway, regardless of that, can I ask, like a number of other posters, why you allow this person to treat you in this way? This is like a horrible flash-back to the spiteful school girls who bully others by excluding them and making sure they know they're not worthy of being part of the 'in-crowd'. She is not your friend. Dump her.

bootsycollins Tue 05-Mar-13 16:45:54

I'm not entirely convinced that these besties are real either

pigletmania Tue 05-Mar-13 17:21:57

Bloody hell she sounds like she is 10 tbh, very immature. Letting you down like that in favour of someone else is rude and unacceptable and basically would be a deal breaker in a friendship for me. Btw I hate that term used by adults sets my teeth itching

fromparistoberlin Tue 05-Mar-13 17:28:42



its not nice behaviour, making you feel second best

fuck er

Chandon Tue 05-Mar-13 17:37:10

I know a fiend who goes on about her bestie mate, but somehow I just don't mind.

Your friend sounds mildly deranged though, tbh, count yourself lucky!

Guntie Tue 05-Mar-13 17:41:43

What on earth?! It sounds like this woman has a clinical condition of some sorts...

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 17:44:35

I call my best friend of 25 years my bestie, but no all the time and i dont rave about her, and we certainly dont give each other priority over other friends, thats rude.

TBH, she sounds a bit possessive of the "besties", since you havent met them, it sounds like shes scared you'll became a "bestie" too, and take attention away from her.

GetOrf Tue 05-Mar-13 17:49:03

She sounds tiresome.

I had no idea (and found out recently) that BFF stands for best friend forever (foreva). I thought it stood for best female friend. Why the hell do people use the BFF term when they're not 11 year olds. Morons.

She sounds a bit of a twat

CocacolaMum Tue 05-Mar-13 18:07:13

"... obviously it's just the three of us though as we're all besties, so you wouldn't be able to come'."
Dear god that reads like she's five years old!

"I'm never allowed to go to any event or meet up where both 'besties' will be. She once invited me round for lunch to hers but then cancelled on the day as the 'besties' asked her out to lunch elsewhere, and she has said they get priority."
She is not odd. She is plain fucking RUDE. I could not be friends with this woman, and I would most certainly have torn a strip off her for cancelling.


CocacolaMum Tue 05-Mar-13 18:08:08

Oh also. Feel friend to befriend these besties.. bet in RL they cannot frikkin stand her anyway

Bartlebee Tue 05-Mar-13 18:11:00

LTNB! (Leave the not bestie)

She sounds a bit of a twit, and manipulative too. I'd be quite glad not to be her bosom buddie tbh.

froggies Tue 05-Mar-13 18:18:32

She sounds a bit wierd, and not worth the effort tbh.

I have 3 very close friends that I have known for 20 years, i met them all in different ways, but they now all know each other as well. I do refer to each of them as best friends occasionally even though I am nearly 40, but not besties, and I would much rather include other friends when they visit as I feel the more friends every one has, the better.

I am really looking forward to my birthday, because they are all coming to visit and I can introduce them to all of my friends from here.

i wouldn't want to spend time with someone like that

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 05-Mar-13 18:30:47

It really does sound like shes possessive over these friends, i knew someone who was like that, lets just say she aint a friend now.

digerd Tue 05-Mar-13 19:04:46

That is so humiliating and hurtful to be told you are not important enough to her to be in her clique. And that added ' of course', meaning you understand how it is and accept it that you are not good enough !!.? That is horrid.

Drop her and get your own genuine friends who value your friendship and don't put you down.

Closest friend usually means best friend.

mylittlepuds Tue 05-Mar-13 19:08:08

Jesus. Ditch her quick. I'd be embarrassed to be friends with someone who carried on in this way.

Catsnotrats Tue 05-Mar-13 19:10:31

Is she channeling Amy Farah Fowler?

BreasticlesNotTesticles Tue 05-Mar-13 19:47:47

What a weirdo.

Surely you have bezzie mates not besties? wink

I have 2 friends who I am probably closest to, but say 5 who I would say are my closest friends.

If I called any one of them a bestie they would rightly dump me.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Tue 05-Mar-13 20:05:48

Presumably she has redeaming qualities for you to be spending time with her?
I would love to know what they are because sounds like a moron.

Theres nothing wrong with having best friends. I have a best friend, he is just as much my best friend as he was when I was 17. And he will be when Im 50.

However, I do not refer to him as my 'bestie'. Nor do I bail in people and tell them they are not welcome because he takes priority, for every reason everyones already mentioned, shes a childish plank.

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