To NOT buy this toy for ds because it is a girl's toy?

(110 Posts)
Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 17:42:56

Ds is just over three and a half. He has a chart for good behaviour and a few small chores. Once his chart is full every month or so he gets to choose a little prize for around ten pounds. Since he started the chart a few weeks back the thing he has wanted is the my little pony train. And at the moment it is on offer massively reduced on amazon.
He likes trains. He likes ponies. In his mind it seems a good plan. However I am not so keen. Not because it is a "girls'" toy really (we have many toys that could be considered traditionally a girls' toy) and I firmly believe that children should be able to play with what interests them. Usually.
I'm just a bit concerned he may be laughed at by other boys. Ds has stayed home with me and only has a couple of sessions at nursery a week. Consequently he is less streetwise than many of the other children. I suppose when we have playdates I could put it away, but I can see him being so pleased with it that he tells everyone at nursery.

He is already a bit the odd one out because he is quite sensitive and quiet. I don't want to give them any other reason to consider him different. Sad that I have to think this I suppose.

Wibu to not get him this?

VeremyJyle Mon 04-Mar-13 17:46:30

Really? hmmconfused

PirateHat Mon 04-Mar-13 17:46:39

He's 3 and a half! I think you are overthinking this.

If he gets to choose a toy, he gets to choose surely?

eavesdropping Mon 04-Mar-13 17:46:59

YABU. Let him have the toy he wants ffs

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 04-Mar-13 17:47:07

YABU - you should let him have it and you should keep it out in full view when other kids come over for playdates.

I'm sure there will be parents along shortly who tell you their little boys play with dolls, dress up etc., all usually associated with girls.

I hate this conditioning of children.

Madlizzy Mon 04-Mar-13 17:48:03

Oh FGS, just buy it for him. He's 3 years old and wants something that's asked for.

BramblyHedge Mon 04-Mar-13 17:48:09

I don't think 3 year olds would be likely to tease. I think they just see toys! My 4 and 7 year old boys play with dd (2) toys and haven't labelled them as being for girls. Maybe later it is more of an issue. My 7 year old loves teddies and wanted a honeybake oven for his birthday (not getting). He also plays skylanders and batman. Nobody teases him.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 17:48:19

I suppose it's because I've witnessed some if the other boys at preschool being mean to him.
I just can't stand the thought of other children laughing at him when he's so little and he doesn't understand why they pick him out as different.

BramblyHedge Mon 04-Mar-13 17:48:22


Confused about a streetwise 3 year old, could you explain it to me?

FiveGoMadInDorset Mon 04-Mar-13 17:49:01

DS favourite toy was a doll and a pink pram. definitely didn't get picked on. You are overthinking this. He has also spent the week with friends daughters and happily played with their toys.

HoHoHoNoYouDont Mon 04-Mar-13 17:49:16

If other boys are being mean to him then you need to teach him how to deal with it, not how to avoid it ( by not playing with toys they wouldn't approve of).

EstoyAqui Mon 04-Mar-13 17:49:20


akaemmafrost Mon 04-Mar-13 17:50:39


TheElephantIsADaintyBird Mon 04-Mar-13 17:50:56

I can see why you would be hesitant if you've seen other kids getting bullied, but it is just a toy. Get him it if he likes it.
I had action men as a kid, my friends mocked me at first but then they all wanted to play with them!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Mon 04-Mar-13 17:51:08

I think you're over-estimating how streetwise the other nursery kids are compared to your DS. They are all very young and wouldn't pick up on a toy being mainly for girls at all at that age. My DD's reception friends are not really aware of it either.

coldcupoftea Mon 04-Mar-13 17:51:16

He is 3- it will be fine. I don't think 3 year olds really 'tease' anyway, not in the malicious way you are thinking. Let him have what he wants!

plantsitter Mon 04-Mar-13 17:51:33

The mean boys are WRONG. He needs the confidence to know that and be himself rather than bend himself to what they deem appropriate.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Mon 04-Mar-13 17:52:07

YABU. And a bit hysterical.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 17:52:18

I suppose by streetwise I mean more grown up. Less naive.
Maybe they just seem that way to me.

notapizzaeater Mon 04-Mar-13 17:52:22

He will love it (I bought my 4 yr ds a Barbie and Barbie pony as her was desperate for it)

Trills Mon 04-Mar-13 17:53:16


Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 17:53:47

I don't think I'm hysterical. In not suggesting it would ruin his life or anything!
Some of the children at ds's preschool nursery are capable of being mean with intent. I've heard them!

Fanjounchained Mon 04-Mar-13 17:54:38

Oh of course YANBU, get him an action man and a gun or a sword. Also a couple of tattoos to make sure he looks really hard and masculine....[hmmm]

He's 3 and a half. If the arrangement was HE gets to pick a toy for good behaviour then that should be what happens. Right now I think it's more important that he sees his mum keeps her promises. And I understand that you're worried about him being sensitive. My DS is like this (he's just turned 5) and wouldn't say boo to a goose whereas my 3yr old DD would take on anybody anytime. That's there personalities and you can't really stamp all over it or try to change it.

CockyFox Mon 04-Mar-13 17:54:56

YABU. He is 3 for goodness sake if he wants to play with a pony train let him. My children all play with each others toys and my 6 year old would be most put out if I stopped him playing woth girls toys.

NumericalMum Mon 04-Mar-13 17:54:58

They are three? How can they be less naive?
I would buy him the toy he wants. YABU

Fanjounchained Mon 04-Mar-13 17:55:16

hmm even...

FellNel Mon 04-Mar-13 17:56:44

There is all sorts I could say about this but I'll just settle for YABU.

PastaBeeandCheese Mon 04-Mar-13 17:57:36


ShipwreckedAndComatose Mon 04-Mar-13 17:58:14

If you want the rewards system to work you need to get him the little gifts he would value.

YABU. Don't put your own stereotype stresses on a three year old!

yellowbrickrd Mon 04-Mar-13 17:59:32

Can't help finding the idea of a 3 year-old with a behaviour chart and chores rather sad.

He is going to have to get used to interacting with other children, good and bad. If you already think he is rather quiet and sensitive you won't do him any favours by trying to 'manage' that process.

Badvoc Mon 04-Mar-13 18:00:03

My 4 year old dresses up as a princess at nursery.
Because he is 4.
If he is still doing it at 14 I will have a quiet word.
(Only in the house, son)

KitchenandJumble Mon 04-Mar-13 18:00:20

Well, of course YABU. Buy him the toy he wants.

Having a bit of a giggle at the thought of streetwise 3-year-olds.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:00:40

Well he will be one of the youngest in his year group anyway so some of them will be 12 months older near enough. So are bound to be more grown up.
I'm glad I'm being unreasonable as I also quite fancy playing with the my little pony train!
It just makes me sad when I look through preschool window and see the other boys charging About playing and ds sat on his own. He wet himself at preschool a while back and some of the others were mean to him about it and laughed at him.
I was so miserable myself at school I don't want ds to stand out as being different and therefore be picked on.

WowOoo Mon 04-Mar-13 18:01:00

If he's actually allowed to choose, let him choose.

As he gets older teach him to say 'Toys are for everyone. Not girls or boys.' And to not listen to silly

This is what I told my niece to say to boys who told her that castles and swords are for boys.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:02:43

No no he likes his chart! We have found he responds really well to it. He is boisterous at home, only reserved at nursery! By chores I mean takes his cup out, washes his hands before eating, puts clothes in laundry basket. Not scrubbing floors!

LinusVanPelt Mon 04-Mar-13 18:02:59

I'd imagine that part of what upsets you about the other boys being mean to him is that it tells him (unfairly) that there's something wrong with your ds being who he is, liking what he likes, behaving how he behaves. I imagine you're afraid that he'll internalise that message and his happiness and self-esteem might suffer.

It's clear that your intentions are good and I know it's awful to see your lovely child being the odd one out. But you have a choice to make here:

You can be one more voice (the most powerful one he knows) reinforcing the hurtful, damaging message that there's something 'wrong' with being a quiet sensitive boy who likes My Little Pony, by making him choose a different reward.

Or you can use your position as his mother, probably the most important person in his whole world, to affirm his choices and his right to be who he is and play with what interests him. You can't keep him entirely safe from being picked on at school (believe me, I understand how much you want to sad) but you can make sure he knows that in his own home, he can be who he is, and nobody is going to judge him for it.

DieWilde13 Mon 04-Mar-13 18:03:11

You know that YABU.

LynetteScavo Mon 04-Mar-13 18:03:26

YABU. Just buy it

If it's a reward, it needs to be something he wants, not want you want him to have.

He's 3 and a half...boys this age dress up in princess clothes at nursery. Seriously.

Badvoc Mon 04-Mar-13 18:04:28

My son does not like aggressive play either, most happy playing with the girls Etc.
What did the pre school do wet to the meanness?

Floggingmolly Mon 04-Mar-13 18:04:52

Both my boys played with their older sister's My Little Ponies at this age and beyond
They particularly favoured the pink ones...

YABU. Toys are for children. End of.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:05:24

By streetwise I meant stuff like name calling. I suppose I meant unkind really!

Iteotwawki Mon 04-Mar-13 18:05:34

Have to say I've never met a streetwise 3 year old. My DS went to nursery 3 days a week at that age, was at home with DH the rest of the time. His favourite dress up was the pink sparkly fairy dress with wand. Not just his either, there were a few boys who raced to the dress up box to be the first to get it. He was 3 and he adored pink/sparkle/glitter, the home corner and play kitchen, baby dolls and prams - we let him enjoy it!

YABU - if it's his choice, it's his choice. And I have pics of sparkly pink fairy DS for his 18th ;)

Notquite Mon 04-Mar-13 18:05:59

Leaving aside the toy issue, have you spoken to the pre-school staff about the other children being unkind, sitting alone, wetting himself. Should they not be helping him to play and enjoy himself?

givemeaclue Mon 04-Mar-13 18:06:35

I find it hard to believe that kids that young see your son as "different" in any way. If they are charging around and he isn't then perhaps that is not something he enjoys doing or joins in with, it doesn't mean that he is excluded. He is obviously having friends to play let that Continue and let him enjoy whatever toys he wants.

Yabu! Also why does a three year old need to do chores

zzzzz Mon 04-Mar-13 18:06:52

At three my very stinky masculine son carried Thomas the tank engine everywhere with him, in a pink handbag. Teach him to be proud of who he is, not change who he is to avoid comment.

RubyrooUK Mon 04-Mar-13 18:06:56


My boy toddler loves fairies (thanks Ben & Holly) and magic wands. He took his large collection of magic wands to nursery the other day and all the other boys (aged 2-5) were very impressed as they could all do magic spells. Well, pretend to with lots of shouting and drama, anyway.

He usually goes to full time nursery and it is not my impression that many kids there are "streetwise". Actually boys and girls share almost all the toys and play games together with them so there doesn't seem to be quite as much gender stereotyping as I expected.

So yes, YABU.

Still18atheart Mon 04-Mar-13 18:07:45

I'm in my 20s still find it hard to put clothes in the laundry grin

YABU - get him the toy, It's more important at his age for him to know mummy keeps her promises.

lljkk Mon 04-Mar-13 18:07:48

DS is a brutal vulgar thug, Honestly, even I acknowledge it. Although he's a big girl's blouse, too, bawls the moment he gets pushed over.

He brought this to Toy Day at school when he was in yr1.

No one hassled DS for it. I happen to know several other boys in his year have mountains of cuddlies, too. Usually the best football players.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:07:56

Preschool haven't been much use. About that and other things. They had a "boys will be boys" attitude. They put him in a group with some other children and said they would try and 'scaffold' some friendships. I heard the same group of boys being unkind to ds at a birthday party we went to. Unfortunately these same children will go to the same school as ds.

IneedAgoldenNickname Mon 04-Mar-13 18:08:12

Your son sounds like my DS1, who at 8 had a quiet inner confidence to be himself and ignore anyone who picks on him for being quiet/not liking football, fighting etc.

DS2 (6.4) told me the other day that he didn't think he should carry my old his tag doll to the shop as it's for girls and he might get teased. I told him it was his decision, but that toys are for children and adults and anyone who says they're only for boys or girls is stupid. Yes ex im looking at you!

Pozzled Mon 04-Mar-13 18:09:35

Yes, yabu about the my little pony, but you know that! I would be having a word with the preschool though, they don't seem to be addressing the issues with the other children very well.

CloudsAndTrees Mon 04-Mar-13 18:10:43

If you think he is being marked out as different, then you need to give him confidence in his differences and make sure he knows it's ok to be different. By not letting him have the toy he wants, you are sending the message that you think his natural behaviour is wrong as well, and as you're his Mummy, that's going to be worse than it coming from other children at nursery.

5madthings Mon 04-Mar-13 18:12:28

Yabu about the toy but there are obviously issues at pre-school which need to be dealt with.

'boys boys' is a shite attitude for the staff to have and tbh if it wasnt resolved i would be looking for a new pre-school.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:13:16

Well I wasn't going to say to him 'you can't have that it's for girls!' I was going to suggest other options to see if they appealed equally or more!

buy it.

if you don't you might as well join in and say yes ds, who you are and what you like and want are wrong. you don't want to do that.

also if he is a sensitive child scrap the sticker charts and chores. too much pressure and constant judging for one so young, especially if sensitive. does he really need every detail of performance as a human being monitoring at 3?

StuntGirl Mon 04-Mar-13 18:14:28


Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:14:40

Yes we are moving preschools next term. Have not been impressed. Part of me worries that the issue may be ds rather than the preschool least partly anyway.

DumSpiroSpero Mon 04-Mar-13 18:15:13

I think Linus put it beautifully.

There is nothing wrong with being sensitive, even for a boy. One of my 8yo DD's best friends is our mates son who was born a week before her.

As toddlers he was quite happy to dive into her assortment of pink, sparkly fairy/princess/ballet frocks.

He's now a football loving little dude (as is DD) and one of the reasons they get on so well is that he is more sensitive than a lot if the boys she meets at school.

He still brings his Build A Bear when he stays too grin.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 18:16:59

We started the sticker chart when potty training as ds was a bit lazy. Introduced a sticker chart and was trained in a couple of days. Then he wanted to carry on because he knows he gets a little treat when he's finished his chart and he shows it to everyone.
It wasn't something I was particularly planning on doing... It just happened!

PurpleStorm Mon 04-Mar-13 18:22:29

YABU about the toy.

I've seen plenty of boys aged abut 3 playing with more 'girly' toys at playgroups. I don't think teasing about having a girls toy is really much of an issue at that age.

MidnightMasquerader Mon 04-Mar-13 18:25:58

Linus's post is fantastic.

I understand why you're 'worried' (and I'm a fully on-board member of 'Let Toys Be Toys') - the thought of your child being teased, especially if he's not as robust as some of the other children is awful to contemplate - but everything Linus says is true, and so important.

Also, with regards to how he's getting on at nursery... I know it's easy for me to say, but please try not to worry too much. 3 is quite a transitional age. I have a very socially confident 4 year old who started Kindy at 3. Sometimes he plays with other children, but equally sometimes he just loves doing his own thing. It's fine for children to still get more enjoyment out of parallel play at this age. It doesn't mean he is being actively excluded from other games, but is perhaps more than happy doing his own thing.

Obviously if you had bad experiences at school, then you're seeing things through a very particular lens which might not be quite right in your DS's situation.

Get him the toy, and always be the person who innately tells him that he's OK just as he is.

hmmmhmmm Mon 04-Mar-13 18:40:40

my ds was quiet and sensitive and his favourite colour pink and dressed in tu tus and nurse outfits bt this age. fast forward. he is 17 and from primary juniors onward extremely popular with the girls, 6 foot tall now and masculine and popular with girls and boys. Still sensitive and caring thank goodness!

saggyhairyarse Mon 04-Mar-13 19:45:00

Streetwise? Three and a half? PMSL snort

zukiecat Mon 04-Mar-13 19:49:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaMedusa Mon 04-Mar-13 19:54:27

Everything Linus said.

But also, they do grow out of these things in their own good time.

DS is in a princess dress in just about every playgroup photo taken. He isn't in them now. I am so glad he just slowly left them behind rather than was forced to too early by the judgement of others (least of all me).

OneHundredSecondsofSolitude Mon 04-Mar-13 19:57:38

It's the chores that interest me. What chores does he do? I've got a three and a half year old. I'm loving the idea of putting him to some sort of use

SirBoobAlot Mon 04-Mar-13 19:58:58

Don't be a tit.

Every time we enforce that 'girls toys' are 'wrong', we encourage the assumption that girls are lesser than boys.

On a lighter note, toys are toys. Does it really bloody matter?

StellaNova Mon 04-Mar-13 19:59:50

My two boys - two and five- regularly play with my old My Little Pony show stable and dream castle and the herd of 11 ponies. The oldest goes to school. No bullying.

WrigglyWorm Mon 04-Mar-13 20:00:01

BIG yay for Linus - that is exactly right OP. Glad to see you are taking him out of the pre-school, it sounds horrid and at only three really not on to be having a miserable time.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 04-Mar-13 20:00:37

I totally understand where you're coming from, peer pressure does unfortunately start at a very young age.

Why not go middle ground here and buy him a train track set that includes animals?

You sound like a very aware mum.

Titchyboomboom Mon 04-Mar-13 20:00:49

Yabu... He will love it!!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 04-Mar-13 20:02:06

I don't like a "boys will be boys" attitude. That's the problem here, not your DS. If children are name-calling that's the problem - insensitivity, not sensitivity, should be what society worries about.

I do understand you are worried. But worrying won't change anything. Later on, you may need to offer some guidance about how he can protect himself, but not now

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 04-Mar-13 20:03:21

An yes, brilliant post Linus

Iggly Mon 04-Mar-13 20:04:11

^ Part of me worries that the issue may be ds rather than the preschool least partly anyway^

That's the saddest thing I've heard someone say about their child.

He's 3 and you blame him?

Poor boy.

I have a 3.5 year old - id get him the train.

ClippedPhoenix Mon 04-Mar-13 20:06:59

OP at the end of the day do what will protect your little boy at the moment. After all he's the one taking the ridicule. It's ok for others to say buy it etc. but at the moment I'd offer another option.

oldraver Mon 04-Mar-13 20:07:12

Let him have it and if you really feel the need put it away when he playdates...though you shouldn't have too and they may enjoy playing with it as well.

DS is 7 and last year bought himself some Zoobles which are aimed at girls, he doesnt care

MrsDeVere Mon 04-Mar-13 20:13:54

I understand why you are worried.
(although I am chortling at the idea of streetwise 3 year olds).

I have 5 children. Four boys and a girl.

All raised in a household where boys and girls get to play with and wear what they want regardless of colour etc.

DS3 loves pink. He chooses pink sparkly shoes, pink clothes and love his Hello Kitty onesie. He has a pink scooter. He also likes butterflies and other traditionally 'girly' things.

I have never had a problem buying these things for him. I don't make a big deal of it, if he wants one of the above for his birthday he can have it.

He is five now and in school. He wanted to ride his scooter to school so we had a chat before hand. We talked about what might happen if he was teased and how he might feel about it. What he might say etc.

He also has a pink lunch box and some children have commented but DS doesn't get upset. He just thinks those children are a bit silly.

I don't know why, it may be because he was bought up in such a strong atmosphere of 'if you like it, its ok'. I hope so. It might be because he is a naturally strong character.

BUT despite all of the above, he doesn't get to wear his pink sparkly shoes to school. Mind you, I wouldn't let him if he was a girl.

Its PJ day on Friday and he already told me he wants to wear his Hello Kitty onesie. I am not going to pretend I am not a little worried. We will just have another chat first and hope for the best!

We live in the East End. If he is strong enough to wear a pink onesie to school, I think the boy will go far grin

maddening Mon 04-Mar-13 20:17:01

Ds has the ben and holly castle and the peppa pig house - I would get him the my little pony train if he particularly wanted it and was due a gift.

Greensleeves Mon 04-Mar-13 20:18:44

I know 3yo children who are "streetwise". They are acutely aware of what is "for boys" and what isn't. They are very conscious of their appearance and very keen to be seen as cool by their peers. I have seen little cliques of little boys exclude and poke fun at boys who aren't "dudes" and who don't like playing with guns/hitting each other with sticks etc. Accompanied by foul language and macho posturing. It's not remotely uncommon for preschool-aged boys to be like this IMO. I wonder where the rest of you are living, cos it's not here grin

I still agree with those who say you should let your ds have the toy he wants though OP. Encourage him to be himself and support him when it's hard.

Limelight Mon 04-Mar-13 20:23:57

There have been a few of these threads recently.

If he wants a My Little Pony train, buy him a My Little Pony train. My concern would be that My Little Pony is rubbish (possible left over prejudice from the mid 80s), but there's no accounting for taste!

Iggly Mon 04-Mar-13 20:28:22

My three old boy isnt street wise. If they are someone is obviously feeding it to them. I'm trying to keep my ds as innocent as long as possible - its lovely when they're like that! grin

MidnightMasquerader Mon 04-Mar-13 20:53:26

^ Glad to see you are taking him out of the pre-school, it sounds horrid and at only three really not on to be having a miserable time.^

Do we actually know the OP's DS is having a misersble time at pre-school? Or is it possible that the OP has seen one or two things and is painting a far worse picture in her mind than is happening, based on her own experiences?

I really don't think AIBU was the best forum to ask about this particular issue...

Twattybollocks Mon 04-Mar-13 20:56:14

Just get the train, just because it's got pink on it doesn't mean boys can't play with it. Besides you will then be able to rib him mercilessly when he's older about it.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 04-Mar-13 21:01:22


Are we not all being perfectly polite and reasonabl on here?

AIBU can be brutal, but I think we are having a reasonable discussion here.


blueballoon79 Mon 04-Mar-13 21:12:28

Having read the entire thread and reading that you were miserable yourself in childhood and that you're worrying about your son being different and being picked on I don't think the issue here is the toy at all.

My son was the same as a young child, very quiet and found it hard to make friends. I worried so much about him as I too had a difficult childhood and when you see all the other children tearing around together and having lots of friends it makes you feel sad.

My son is now twelve and still doesn't have lots of friends, just one or two, and he's still quieter than other children. BUt he's happy with this!

I realised I was only worrying so much because I was projecting my own feelings and insecurities onto his life.

Also, please don't think there's something wrong with your son. There's nothing wrong with him, he just chooses to play differently to the other children, nothing wrong with that or him.

What is wrong is the pre schools attitude to the bullying he's receiving. It's not just "boys will be boys" It's cruel and malicious and needs nipping in the bud immediately.

FeckOffCup Mon 04-Mar-13 21:17:46

I would get him the train, I too understand where you are coming from with the teasing concerns (I was picked on because I was a bit shy and sensitive and never seemed to be into the same trends as my peers) but I would get him the train, he is still very young and will be disappointed if he doesn't get it when he was promised a treat of his choice for good behaviour.

chubbychipmonk Mon 04-Mar-13 21:21:47

I bet if you could sit in during an entire nursery session you would at some point witness the boys in the dressing up box & playing happily with handbags, fairy wings etc, or at some point pushing a pram, having a tea party & vice versa for the girls with the 'boys' toys. There is no discrimination at this age, they just seem them all as toys. Buy him his pony train & relax, the less of a big deal made about it the better.

googlyeyes Mon 04-Mar-13 22:02:09

This is v topical for me! Today ds2 and I walked into Tescos and came out with the walking talking pinkie pie my little pony he's been begging for for ages now.

I think it's wonderful that he's so untainted by gender stereotypes (although i'm sure that will come!) Dd was convinced that he would be trying to rip its head off before long and bash it with his sword but no! He spend a happy afternoon brushing the pony's hair and generally doting on it....

Fakebook Mon 04-Mar-13 22:15:11

Don't then.

giraffesCantDateDucks Mon 04-Mar-13 22:17:04

YANBU get him a big fuck off gun or sword with cars n shit on it. Blue of course.

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 22:20:08

There are issues at preschool (not just my perceived issues) and I'm not blaming ds at all. Just wondering if it will be the same everywhere.

When we went to the birthday party there was a game of musical bumps. Ds was vaguely distracted and was out first. To which a boy said to him 'ha ha, you're out first' and then made a loser sign at him and said 'loser'. He then proceeded to shout this at my ds throughout the party. He is four. This is what I mean by streetwise. My ds wouldn't do it, he wouldn't know what the loser sign was! I know it's just kids being silly but there is a definite little group of boys at preschool who have been mean for whatever reson.

On the upside I have ordered him the pony train. He will be pleased. Although I fear the plastic tat quotient in my house is about to increase.

hmmmhmmm Mon 04-Mar-13 22:21:01

my dh was terrified ds would be led toward being gay!
a - didn't happen and b - told dh was irrelevant as wit ever ds sexuality was fine(ds apparently heterosexual but dd come out as gay(both teens now) dh been fine with all this thank goodness !

LahleeMooloo Mon 04-Mar-13 22:21:27

Yes because men are never jockies are they? Horses are so girly confused

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 22:21:41

giraffes we have quite a range of toys but actually no guns. Although ds fashioned himself one out of duplo grin

Whatsdoneisdoneisdone Mon 04-Mar-13 22:23:34

lahlee generally not in sparkly pink princess ponies that rife around on pink sparkly trains though. grin

countrykitten Mon 04-Mar-13 22:25:45

This thread has made me sad. sad

jollygoose Mon 04-Mar-13 22:42:05

my own ds aged 3 is as boyish as they make em and desperately wants a dolls house which he will have for his 4th birthday, a friend with girls has one and he loves it and why not?

LinusVanPelt Mon 04-Mar-13 22:45:36

Good for you, OP - I'm delighted that your boy is getting his pony train smile

Jux Tue 05-Mar-13 00:01:28

When dd was that age it wasn't necessarily the older 'streetwise' children who were mean and used terms like 'loser' etc, it was the ones with older siblings. The nursery were very active in getting the children to be nice and kind and on the whole it worked well. Does he have to go now? I mean, do you work so that he has to? Or could you just have him at home until he starts at a better place?

AnneTwacky Tue 05-Mar-13 06:27:36

Get him the train. DD is obsessed with My Little Pony but also loves Ben 10 and Batman. They like what they like and that's fine.

Besides doesn't MLP have a cult male following anyway or did I just dream that.

OwllwOOwllwO Tue 05-Mar-13 06:41:39

My DS is almost 10 and collects them Monster High dolls. He doesn't pull their limbs off etc, he sits in his room and brushes their hair shock In fact I don't think he plays with his 'boy' toys. He's never been picked at school, after school or scouts.
He is currently growing his hair long. grinwink

My DS1 aged 3 loved anything pink. His FAVOURITE toy was a doll and pram. He had sparkly clothes. At age 5 his school bag was a pink glittery affair.
We had a little chat about the bag, and he said "but mum, you always told me that we don't all have to be the same and like the same things. So I like pink, not power rangers"

We lived in..well lets say not the nicest part of North London.
My ds1 carried that bag, along with a pink lunchbox and my little pony flask for over a year.
Nothing anyone said about it bothered him.

Oh and he is 14 now. Dresses entirely in hollister/addidas and wouldn't be seen with any other bag but his addidas messenger.
Plays football. But also is a "rising star" (his words) in the drama club.

Carrying a pink bag, pushing a dolly in a pram and wearing glittery trainers hasn't had a detrimental effect on him, 11 years later grin

exoticfruits Tue 05-Mar-13 07:24:07

I thought this was a joke thread! It seems pointless having the system if he doesn't have choice- -and I can't understand how you explain that he can't have it when there isn't a logical explanation.

Sokmonsta Tue 05-Mar-13 07:40:41

I'm glad you've ordered him the toy he wants.

I think it's very easy to say as a parent to 2 girls and 2 girls to not worry about what the dc play with (ds is running around with a sparkly wand, dd is playing cars). But when you have only one gender it's very easy to fall into the stereotype toys, and also harder to explain away as the dc get older and have friends over who may not have such toys themselves.

NewAtThisMalarky Tue 05-Mar-13 08:09:09

There's a bit of a my little pony subculture going on at the moment - my teenage daughter is into them, and there are quite a few teenage boys into them too - there's a lot of 'brony' t-shirts out there, which is the name for a male fan. The girls are called pegasisters.

He'll be the coolest kid in school (they just might not realise it)!

Sianilaa Tue 05-Mar-13 08:15:51

I'd let him have it. My 3.5 yr old DS loves anything pink and sparkly and I love that he is too little to bow to gender stereotyping.

I'm completely shocked at the description of other 3 year old boys who are violent and use bad language. My two (5 and 3.5) still think "stupid" is the height of rudeness!

Sianilaa Tue 05-Mar-13 08:16:35

Oh and I did just buy a MLP for DS2 actually. He loves it!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Tue 05-Mar-13 17:03:44


Good post, spot on. I think we are all prone to projection


Yes, I think you are right about those with older siblings.

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