To wonder why some people don't RSVP to DC parties?

(311 Posts)
MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 14:11:34

confused I can't fathom it really. Out of 28 DC in DDs class, 22 have responded with thank you we'd love to has let me know they will be away that weekend and 5 have not responded at all!

I see one of the Mothers sometimes....what's the deal?? Obviously we can't go to ALL the parties ALL the time and I'm happy with 22 that are attending...but I don't know how many bleddy party bags to make now! I'll have to make the extra 5 incase these children turn up won't I?

I could assume 2 for example lost invitations....but surely no more than that? It's such bad form!

Floggingmolly Mon 04-Mar-13 14:13:03

23 out of 28??? You're doing well! Seriously.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 14:16:27

But WHY? Molly? Why don't people respond? Everyone has a phone these days...I added my number...text me fgs!

I just can't get into their heads..."Oh here's an invitation to MissMushroom's party...feck that...I'll just ignore it!" confused

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 14:17:14

None of the offenders will come on a thread like this will they? All the Mnrs who are like this will think "Uh oh..that's me!"

Kamer Mon 04-Mar-13 14:17:47

I think some people like to leave their options open until the last minute, v rude IMO.

claraschu Mon 04-Mar-13 14:18:26

If you see one of the mothers, why on earth don't you ask her if her child can come?

Invitations get lost in school or in school bags, and some people are disorganised or forgetful, which can be rude or annoying, (but those flakey people may have good hearts in spite of their flakeyness).

If I don't reply, it means either

(1) I didn't get the invitation, so for example DS1 didn't put it in his bookbag.

(2) we lost it between school and home and I forgot.

(3) I genuinely don't know whether or not he can / would like to come.

If (3) I would usually contact you to ask when you need to know by.

I don't think it's unfair to chivvy them. Say you need to know final numbers for catering/venue/party bags etc preferably by tomorrow, so after that you will have to assume it's a no.

happyhorse Mon 04-Mar-13 14:23:34

I'd love to know why this is too. I had 10 who didn't reply for DS's party, some of whom then turned up. It's a massive pain in the arse having to cater for guests who may or may not be there.

GreenShadow Mon 04-Mar-13 14:23:54

Agree that invites get lost.

We once believed that DS1 was the only child not invited to a class members party. Thought he must have some how unwittingly upset the child.

Then a couple of days before, the mother asked, via the teacher, if DS was coming as we hadn't replied. As far as we could make out, someone else had probably ended up with 2 invites and it hadn't got to DS.

Please do ask the parents, either directly or via the school if possible. They might be feeling left like us!

Moominsarehippos Mon 04-Mar-13 14:26:15

I have sent out 'save that date' invitations and then RSVP slips (you just have to tick the sodding box!) and still been wondering on the day! This was in a place where the cost was per head and bloody expensive too. I was so pissed off. Next year its going to be different I hope

22 out of 38 is really good!

MrsCR Mon 04-Mar-13 14:26:51

am in the sane situation, party planned for a weeks time, asked for replies by last Friday, still 5 people not responded.
have chased them all and still not heard back from 2 so they are off the list.
It is rude, but it could be a simple case of forgetfulness.
a gentle nudge is required!

Floggingmolly Mon 04-Mar-13 14:28:10

It is a keeping options open thing, sadly. It's extremely rude, but usually you have to chase the non responders in person, who will look startled at having to actually commit before the morning of the party, and then agree to come whether they intend to or not.
I won't even venture into the turning up with three siblings scenario...
Total minefield!

PoppadomPreach Mon 04-Mar-13 14:30:26

I had only one non responder out of 28 - when I saw the mum I just politely asked her if she had received the invitation - and she was completely unaware - her son had left invite in drawer at school.

I'm sure there are some rude people out there (last year two kids who said they were coming, didnt turn up - there parents didn't even apologise when I next saw them) - but I think you have to assume non responders are just blissfully unaware of the party due to child losing/forgetting invitation.

DeWe Mon 04-Mar-13 14:38:26

I've had that child who comes home on Friday waving an invite saying "can I go... it's tonight" having left it in the tray for 3 weeks.

I usually try and reply straight away otherwise I forget. So people usually say how organised I am. But I know I'm not which is why I have to do it straight away.

Timetoask Mon 04-Mar-13 14:41:55

It is very annoying. I had tow mums texting me on the MORNING of the party to say "sorry can't make it" (well yes, I didn't have them on the list by that stage), and also one child who hadn't replied, turn up. I kindly told the mum "I am so pleased xxx came, I hadnt heard back from you so wasn't expecting him", she was very apologetic and seemd to have genuinely thought she had replied (working full time mu with three children, very busy).

Ilovexmastime Mon 04-Mar-13 14:57:11

I assume that they haven't seen the invite and ask them when I see them in the playground. I've had people mess me about even then though, by telling me that they're not sure and will let me know later, and then not letting me know even though they see me every day. Then I scream WHY? at the heavens.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 15:03:22 can you not know what your child is doing? That smacks of keeping your options open...genuinely not knowing if a child of 4 is free is rubbish. One mum was polite enough to tell me her DD might be 10 minutes late as she has a class to attend...I thought that was very nice.

most would not bother to mention it.

These are reception children and they all came out on the day I brought them in...with invitations in hand as the teacher handed them out as they left.

One child standing near me opened her bag and showed me hers only to reveal that she also had a little boy's in there...I took it and gave it to the teacher.

I suppose that could have happened.

I haven't asked the Mum that I see because she's a bit snooty...a Queen Bee type.

I will ask the teacher if they all got out ok. Don't people stick them on the fridge to jog their memory? that's what I do.

DS had a party last week. 22 invites given out by half term...13 replied yes during half term. 2 more replied on the Monday. I then sent out a further 10 invites and got 4 yes replies, then two more within 24h of the party. Then 2 more turned up completely of them halfway through said party ... stressful much?!

gimmeanaxe Mon 04-Mar-13 15:23:12

sounds right. We invited 9. Have 3 replies. Poor dd. It will be a very small party. She doesnt know yet sad

TheWildOnes Mon 04-Mar-13 15:25:31

DS cleared his drawer at school out last week, he brought home about 20 unopened Christmas cards and a couple of party invitations (one from last October)!
Ask the parents, they may not have received the invite.

lynniep Mon 04-Mar-13 15:27:51

I think thats doing well too!
I just had DS1's party yesterday.
I had 3 no responders out of 30 so 10% not too bad. Of those 3 no responders, one of them turned up. Its no biggy although it is annoying. I made enough party bags for all. You just have to assume that parents forget about it/lost or didnt get the invite/or simply can't be ar*ed.

Or you chase them, they say yes please and then the fuckers don't turn up. We paid a fortune for dd's party last week and because it was expensive we had to limit the guest list. We could have invited someone who absolutely would have turned up if she'd just said bloody no when I asked.

ImAlpharius Mon 04-Mar-13 15:40:26

I didn't RSVP to one recently as it said 'RSVP to x's parents in the playground' I have no idea who x or their parents are.

Kaekae Mon 04-Mar-13 15:55:12

For my sons first party I found it all very stressful, I think I expected everyone to respond straight away but I quickly found out people leave it right until the last minute and then some just forget or some parents had never seen the invite because it got lost etc. So I had a lot of chasing up to do via text or face to face. Now I put a RSVP deadline on the invitation and that seems to help a bit. My son is nearly six so think goodness the parties are starting to phase out a bit now, they used to take up nearly every weekend!

acceptableinthe80s Mon 04-Mar-13 15:56:21

All sorts of reasons i suppose. Personally i hate planning anything too far in advance.
I recently had to tell a parent that i wasn't sure if ds would make it for 3 reasons.
Firstly the car was in the garage and the party was out of town and i wasn't sure if i'd have it back in time, secondly ds had a bad cough and i didn't know if he'd be well enough to go and thirdly i don't know what days i'm working till the week before. I wasn't being selfish or 'keeping my options open', i just didn't know whether or not we'd make it.
I do get that it's a pain though when you're organizing a party, i had several non replies last year. I just make up the party bags anyway and if they don't turn up just keep them for the following year or put in with birthday presents etc. throughout the year.

slalomsuki Mon 04-Mar-13 15:59:42

Drives me up the wall too with the lack of responses.

I sent ds in with a list of names and a second "you have not responded" note which increased the responses to his party. They all turned up.

Best bit is when there are no responses and then they turn up. How rude.

I was quite late responding to one recently, because I looked at the date and time and thought "Ah, DH needs to be in X place and I need to be in Y place at that time... but I know DD would like to go... hmm, I wonder if there's any way I can make it work..." and continued to vaguely mull over possibilities until a week before the party when I concluded that it just wasn't going to work and sent our regrets.

When DS was little I found that the numbers of "said yes but didn't turn up" more-or-less equalled the numbers of "didn't respond but turned up anyway", which was helpful.

These days I invite by email (I have emails for parents or nannies of everyone in the DCs' classes) and that has increased response rate significantly.

Creamtea1 Mon 04-Mar-13 16:11:14

I agree with people who have said you should follow up with the parent. My ds aged 5 is prime offender (and therefore I am one of those parents!) - example just a couple of weeks ago. Ds - 'when are we going to X's party?' me - 'what do you mean, I don't know about X's party?'
Ds - I got an invitation from him though
Me - ds, where did you put the invitation then?
Ds - in my drawer at school
Cue getting the invite out his drawer on the Monday, to find the party had taken place on the Saturday...
Of course I spoke to the mum on the tues and apologised profusely. Have also had other incident where parent text 'is ds coming to party?' and I hasn't found an invite, turns out had gone into someone else's bag.

Yes, most of the time when I get chased it's about an invitation that I've never actually seen.

MakingAnotherList Mon 04-Mar-13 16:29:23

My daughter suffers with an anxiety. She is fine with her friends at parties now but when she was in nursery and reception she wanted to go but would back out. I'm afraid I'm guilty of keeping her options open a few times. I only did that for the parties in a community hall where they were not charged per child.
Had I known the parents I would have spoken to them, but as I rarely collected my DD due to work, I couldn't.
Now that DD is much more confident at school we reply to invitations and she does attend.
I did feel bad during her time at nursery and reception. I'm sure most parents just thought we were rude.

pineapplecrush Mon 04-Mar-13 16:37:46

It's really annoying when you have to let the venue (playgym) etc a few days before the party and pay per head and have no idea of numbers even if you put a RSVP date on the invite. I've also paid in advance for a child to come and then they don't show up. I know this can't always be avoided but a text/phone call wouldn't go amiss! Grrrr. One of the bonuses of your child getting a bit older is not having the dratted party invites to contend with. I did love doing party bags though.

I said sometimes (and it is rare) we aren't sure if he can go.

Examples would include when DH was working overseas a lot at short notice, and we didn't know if he would be back. Or if it's a child I've never heard of, and I'm trying to gauge if it's a duty invite or if they are genuinely friends.

Or, bluntly, at the wrong end of the month when I don't know if the budget will stretch far enough (like the month the car cost over £1000 in repairs).

But I do say "I can't let you know now; do you want to consider us a no or can I get back to you next week?"

Wish I'd seen this thread a few weeks ago as I thought the poor response was due to no-one liking me/DC! Reception party, 24 invites (whole class - teacher handed the invites out at end of school day). 17 reponses that they would come (but many of the responses in the few days before the party). Two declines and 5 people never responded at all. One child who I hadn't heard from turned up. Fortunately I had enough party bags so didn't say anything.

I can not imagine not replying promptly to an invitation - it's so rude!

lljkk Mon 04-Mar-13 17:39:59

I think this is one of those issues that hi-lights how different MN is from rest of RL.

It's pretty obvious that most people think they only need to RSVP if answer is yes. They can sound almost confused if you RSVP "No", as if they are thinking "Why did you bother to tell met that?!"

Strange but true.

peppersaunt Mon 04-Mar-13 17:40:18

Planning DDs party now and can pretty much guess who I'll be chasing (serial non-responders). Aargh!

lljkk Mon 04-Mar-13 17:42:46

*me not met

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 18:02:15

lljkk I never thought of that. It's true that some people ignoramuses might think they only need to RSVP if they are attending.

Also...when people texted to accept, I texted back to say thank you for letting me know. Whereas when I text people to accept, I've never had a response and often wondered if they got my message!

CointreauVersial Mon 04-Mar-13 18:13:04

Always check, because invitations DO go astray a lot.

I remember when DS was in Y2, one of his friends had a party.

I thought DS hadn't been invited, and was mildly offended on his behalf, but didn't say anything (obviously).

The party child's mum thought I was being rude in not replying, but she didn't say anything; she then thought I was doubly rude by just not showing up.

Then the birthday child was all upset because DS wasn't at the party.sad

The invitation showed up two weeks later, screwed up in DS's tray.....<sigh>

If the mum had spoken to me, the whole thing would have been avoided.

Creamtea1 Mon 04-Mar-13 18:43:33

What cointreau said, which is also what I and others said earlier. Please don't just assume no responses are just so rude unless you have followed up - with young age kids the above happens all the time!

Tailtwister Mon 04-Mar-13 18:46:07

Follow them up. I sent out a reminder to those we hadn't heard from (5 out of 32) and 3 had genuinely forgotten, 1 had thought she had declined and the remaining one had sent a reply in good time, but to the wrong number.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 04-Mar-13 18:49:32

Second the wrong number thing - I've done that - if it's a text to a new number I might not notice:

Schooldidi Mon 04-Mar-13 18:53:38

Dd2 is having a party on Saturday. She's only 3, so we've not invited that many, we're trying to only pay for the minimum of 10dc. We've invited 10, so I need one of them to not come so dd2 is included in the 10 we pay for. So far we've had 3 replies. I don't want to be paying for 10 if there are only 3 kids coming!! That would be very sad for dd, as well as an incredibly expensive party per head.

chandellina Mon 04-Mar-13 19:00:02

I am an offender, though I always do reply, just late. It's either because I'm not sure or else just disorganised.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 20:00:02

Cream but as I said, the invitations were given out as DC left the building and went to parent's and The responsibility lies with them..not the dc.

Except that at least one that you know of had made it into another child's bag, from what you said before.

Whathaveiforgottentoday Mon 04-Mar-13 20:52:12

24 out of 25 replied to DD's recent party which I thought was excellent. However I did get DD to badger the last few to remind their parents!

However, my mum picks up DD one day a week from school and I found an invitation in the back of her car for a party on the next day. DD reckons they were given out a few weeks before. I rang to say sorry but just wanted to say that not all invitations make it home so its not always that people are being rude. Sadly she coudn't go as we thought we were free so had planned to visit friends, so she learnt her lesson about leaving things in grannies car!

steben Mon 04-Mar-13 21:04:08

Am marking place here as in this situation at minute and don't know how to handle it! First party for us so this is a whole new world to me!!!!

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 21:33:51

Steben how many did you ask? And when did you send them?

foreverondiet Mon 04-Mar-13 21:50:13

Text them asking them to reply. Some people's lifes are too hectic to know whether they coming...

greeneyed Mon 04-Mar-13 22:04:01

I am an offender, too busy, disorganised etc etc i usually reply but late, it's not personal I do everything last minute!

Misfit13 Mon 04-Mar-13 22:06:52

DS1 is 19 now, so it's been a while and I have it all to look forward to with DS3. Anyway, I used to invite the whole class, make up a party bag for everyone, then take the uncollected ones in to school to be given to those who didn't/couldn't make it on the Monday so that a) that no child felt left out and b) those parents who just couldn't be bothered were shamed, by my kindly thoughtfulness, in to being less tardy in future!

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 22:10:41

Green but it IS personal you see. You put other people out by being selfish. It is selfish to say "Oh Im busy"

We are ALL frigging busy! I'm busy, I am on a budget too and don't want to waste money on party bags for children who may not come.

You should make an effort to reply to people who have asked your DC to a party.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 22:11:31

Misfit that's a good idea...I'll do that I think. Better than shoving them in the back of a cupboard to gather dust!

Awomansworth Mon 04-Mar-13 22:31:01

Just plain rude...

My twin sons party is this Sunday, out of 55 invites, 45 had replied by RSVP date on invitation (I did expect that some would decline with it being Mothers day) but 10 didn't bother to reply at all.

I sent another note in for book bags of those 10 asking for a quick text either way... only 4 replied! How long does it take to send a quick text to accept/decline an invitation.

Creamtea1 Mon 04-Mar-13 22:31:57

Ah ok mushroom sorry should have read more carefully- in that case yes, is rude for them not to reply at all. If you are feeling brave though - could try a follow up with any you know how to contact, or ask do to remind invited child? Better than nothing I guess?

Creamtea1 Mon 04-Mar-13 22:35:34

*meant dc not do

soverylucky Mon 04-Mar-13 22:36:17

I paid for dd to have her party at soft play. I had to pay for a certian number of kids and two didn't turn up - they hadn't replied. I didn't want to not pay for them just in case they just turned up. I wouldn't have minded one bit if they had texted, called, stopped me at school, sent a note to say that their child could not come but to not reply is just rude.

girliefriend Mon 04-Mar-13 22:37:34

yanbu at all this makes me quite angry as do the parents who do rsvp but after the date you asked them to.

Its not that hard to let people know ffs.

Bigwuss Mon 04-Mar-13 22:43:25

DS used to triage invites before I even got to see them, so if he didn't want to go, he wouldn't bring them home from school and left them in his tray which makes it difficult to let the organiser know. Pain in the neck really.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 22:45:46

Bigwuss in reception?? If that's true, your DS is pretty advanced socially. Most 4 and 5 year old's don't care whose the party is...they just hear "Party!" and get thrilled. If my child did that, they'd get a strong talking to about manners.

Dromedary Mon 04-Mar-13 22:47:12

At our school the huge majority don't bother to reply to invitations. Some then show up anyway, and some who've said they'll come don't bother. In the past I've prepared a few spare party bags, but really I think that with most not responding you may as well just prepare party bags for those who have RSVP'ed. I even spell out on the invitation why I would like people to reply if they are able to make it (as in knowing how much food and how many party bags to bring) (so if they don't reply I assume they are not coming). One poor boy invited just 2 best friends to a theme park for his birthday. Then without any warning one of them just didn't bother to turn up on the day.

LahleeMooloo Mon 04-Mar-13 22:47:24

Flaky rude forgetful people! even had one of ds's non-responders turn up claiming they were invited!

tallulah Mon 04-Mar-13 22:51:48

We sent 13 invitations in to school last Thursday. So far not one response. I keep checking my phone. Looks like I'm going to have to start grabbing parents at the gate and ask them direct.

Last year we had 5 invited at home. 2 responded, all 5 turned up.

SanityClause Mon 04-Mar-13 22:55:39

Naturally your DC's party is very important to you. To those other parents it's one other small thing. They may not have had the invitation. They may not have had a chance to discuss the juggling that will need to be done with their partner. Their DC may need to make a decision , eg, recently DS had to choose between a party and a rugby festival. All sorts of things may have happened.

Just set a date for the RSVP, a little earlier than you actually need, and politely phone or text around the ones you haven't heard from. I'm so tempted to say "Get over yourself!"

Speedos Mon 04-Mar-13 22:57:00

I'm sure there is an element of parent not getting invite, however at DS1's recent party I had about 5 non responders and 2 of them said something after the party along the lines of 'oops we didn't RSVP did we'.

The other thing is my son always knows when there are party invites in the trays as he is excited and can't wait to open them so I can't ever imagine missing one.

I will be older and wiser with DS2 parties!

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 22:59:40

Sanity but part of being a community and a parent is to be kind to one another and place oneself in other's shoes from time to time.

I know my child's party is important to me...same when DDs get invitations...THEIR party is a major event to THEM so I am thoughtful and respond. Others should be the same.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 23:00:31

I should add this is DC two...I'm not PFB at all. I just can't stand people who don't think of others in small ways.

Do as you would be done by is a good saying.

Awomansworth Mon 04-Mar-13 23:00:52

Of course we know that to other parents it's only a small thing... it's still rude to just not reply though.

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 23:02:00

That's right Awomans. It's selfish and rude and you can bet those parents would be the loudest complainers when it happens to them. Because their needs come first.

Owllady Mon 04-Mar-13 23:04:42

maybe a minority of people have a lot on their plate?

I really do not get this braying forceful nature from people who are organising a fun event

Awomansworth Mon 04-Mar-13 23:05:59

Yes MrsMushroom - It wouldn't occur to me to just not respond with a yay or nay.

Owllady Mon 04-Mar-13 23:06:01

and I have most probably not replied to rather a lot but we have a chaotic life, not through choice but by having severely disabled child and whatever life throws our way wrt to that
we have most probably lost friends by being 'selfish and rude' shock grin

LahleeMooloo Mon 04-Mar-13 23:07:24

I'm a single parent who spends 12 hours a day out of the house during the week. I have a stressful job. DS has a million and one after school activities. I still always reply to invites on time, even if it's a no. It's easy- I just leave it out on my desk so I know I need to deal with it, as i do with all paperwork. If it's complete, I file it away. Sending a text on time is not a big ask.

FannyBazaar Mon 04-Mar-13 23:09:15

There are always some who don't RSVP, this year I got one kid whose name was not on the list who turned up! DS had either given out the invitation meant to be posted to friend who is not local or somehow came upon the invitation another boy lost. I made the mistake of not writing the names on the invitations! If only the Mum of the boy not invited had RSVPed. Apparently, according to DS, she wasn't sure if he could go or not as she didn't know who I was confused.

I am also a guilty party though, we had one invitation which was a trendy postcode style thing which I mistook for some advertising promotion blush and didn't realise who it was for. I have also RSVPed and turned up a week too late! Had another hand made invitation last year for something like a party on Tuesday 25th of whatever when the 25th was not a Tuesday, I was wondering if the child had made up a party and told DS I couldn't reply until I knew for sure when it was.

Loa Mon 04-Mar-13 23:10:39

Last party we threw needed to know numbers as paying per head - wasn't sure on numbers thanks to non RSVP’ing.

So went round and asked parents - god they were off with me and then got to the mother who nearly decked me for daring to ask - apparently I should have known DC Dad had the DC that weekend - confused I don't know these people.

Another grandparent has a go at DD1, reducing her to tears, because her GC was asked if she was coming by DD1 - got upset as she didn't know which DD1 fault was apparently.

It was a nice location with fun activity - and parents were free to stay or go as they chose.

I think it a mixture of disorganisation, not realising a reply of some sort is expected, and some parents think that there DC are so fantastic it is some kind of honour for you to spend 2 hours and loads on money on them to have their presence.

Maryz Mon 04-Mar-13 23:11:24

For ds1, I replied to everything immediately and he went to everything.

For dd, I did my best and she went to most things.

By the time ds2 came along, all party invitations had to depend on whether ds1 had a rugby match (and when he was older whether he had a match), or dd had a brownie event, or I was doing volunteer work, and dh was coaching a sport, and whether or not the older two had been invited to anything that day, and whether or not we had two cars available for transport, or whether his best friend was going and I could cadge a lift for him .....

So any invite arrived three weeks in advance was a "don't know". I could only usually say about two days before.

It isn't selfish or rude - it's having too many balls in the air and too many children.

WorraLiberty Mon 04-Mar-13 23:12:40 can you not know what your child is doing? That smacks of keeping your options open...genuinely not knowing if a child of 4 is free is rubbish.

It's not always 'rubbish'. Some separated parents for example may not know off the tops of their heads whose weekend/evening it is for access...due to work shifts or other contact problems.

Having said that, a simple "I'm sorry I don't know right now...I'll find out" would be polite.

When did you send the invites out?

Maryz Mon 04-Mar-13 23:13:06

Having said that, if it was a venue, I would ring and say I'm not sure - if you need to know better make it a "no".

And of course, as the children get older and play sports what do you do? Do you refuse every three-week-in-advance-invitation in case there is a match on, or do you accept them and let the team down by not turning up for a match?

I never worked out the answer to that one.

MidniteScribbler Mon 04-Mar-13 23:25:37

It takes a couple of minutes to let someone know if you can or can't attend. If you aren't sure, then at least do them the courtesy of saying you won't know until a certain date (and then do actually let them know) so they can plan accordingly.

And whatever you do, don't expect the teacher to chase up invitations for you! wink

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 23:34:36

Maryz I don't our school there's a lot of helping one another out. You take my DD to ballet with yours and next week, your DD can come to mine before brownies type of thing....lifts and babysitting for a few hours are common.

But I won't be chasing them up. Bugger them, if they come they come and that's fine.

Maryz Mon 04-Mar-13 23:39:29

By the way, I'm not excusing the lack of replies, I'm explaining it. It is definitely rude - and I knew it was rude even as I was doing it.

It's just that when my three were about 9, 7 and 5 a party invitation was about as welcome (to me) as a bag of cold sick. The kids loved them, but my thought was always "oh, shit, how am I going to fit that in".

I was always a curmudgeonly old bugger grin

fuzzywuzzy Mon 04-Mar-13 23:42:27

23 out of 28 is fabulous. I have 0 out of 13 & I'm supposed to be paying per child as its an activity party thing. Arrrgggghhhhh

MrsMushroom Mon 04-Mar-13 23:44:37

Fuzzy when is your party and when did the invitations go out?

fuzzywuzzy Mon 04-Mar-13 23:52:46

Party is Sunday, invites sent out last week Monday with my phone number all over it plus a detachable tear off bit on the invite to RSVP.

They'll all turn up I bet.

I may not!

zipzap Tue 05-Mar-13 00:26:52

I have found one of the most effective tools for getting people to respond is to send your dc in with a list of who needs to reply and then get them to ask their friend to ask their mum to contact - providing yet another slip of paper with all the details on.

However, I tell dc that I need to know tonight because tomorrow I am going out to buy the contents of the party bags and if they haven't let me know then I won't be able to sort out a party bag for them.

Obviously I am not quite such a meanie and I do usually get party bags sorted for all those who reply.

However - the dc and non-responders do not know this grin and like all primary children are absurdly infatuated with party bags. Therefore they all rush home and badger their parents something rotten to make sure that they contact me asap.

Definitely worth a try!

TraceyTrickster Tue 05-Mar-13 03:30:49

One of DD's parties at nursery- several mums had not replied. I saw one on the stairs...she added my number to her phone said she would confirm later.

Silence. Did she forget completely in the next hour?

Parents who do not RSVP are rude.

Stellarella123 Tue 05-Mar-13 06:53:34

I am having the same problem. Invites have been out for 2 wks, party is on Sunday and still 10 non replies, it's a nursery class and parents all received the invites, I'm going to have to ask them all today so I can organise food and party bags,
I have to say I haven't always been the fastest at replying to party invites but now I realise how important it is . I do think parents must only reply if it's a yes, grrr!

Zingy123 Tue 05-Mar-13 07:02:20

I always text as soon as we get the invite. One parent at school who never replies made me smile. Her Dd never had a party before. She had one for her 10th and the Mum was moaning about people not replying. My Dd has had 7 parties since knowing this girl and the Mum has never rsvp`d. I just smiled and said yes I`ve had that a lot it is annoying.

Owllady Tue 05-Mar-13 08:22:04

ds was 11 last birthday. I didn't know who he had even invited and no-one replied from what i can gather. My house was just beckoned on by 11 yr old gangly boys who ran riot and wrecked his bedroom

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 08:35:55

Does that not tell you anything about the merits of RSVPing, Owllady? confused

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 08:52:37

11 year old boys are not the same as 4 year olds. 11 year olds can arrange things via their mobiles these days. Most kids in the first year of high school have them.

nannynick Tue 05-Mar-13 08:53:04

What do you include as methods of replying?
Automated website which lists those invited along with status of if they are coming, not coming, no reply?

I try to email my boss details of parties the children are invited to, then my boss will reply via whatever method is convienent, email i suspect as that can be sent at any time of day/night.

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 08:54:44

How hard is it to text NannyNick? Even when I had no mobile, I used to just use the landline to leave a voice mail! Even high flying business people can take a second to reply.

Moominsarehippos Tue 05-Mar-13 08:56:25

I put email, landline and mobile number. And have done a RSVP slip too, and still rubbish responses. I thought it was a cultural thing!

SanityClause Tue 05-Mar-13 08:56:39

So, you want them to be polite to you, and ensure that they respond, but you can't be kind to them and cut them some slack for not doing so?

SanityClause Tue 05-Mar-13 08:58:06

I do agree that it's a bit frustrating. But is it worth all this navel gazing?

SanityClause Tue 05-Mar-13 08:58:22

And bosom hoiking?

Moominsarehippos Tue 05-Mar-13 09:02:07

No, its a pain in the backside if you have pre-booked somewhere - and prepaid - and people can't be bothered to give you a yay or nay.

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 09:13:59

Sanity why should I be kind to them! Ive BEEN kind in inviting their children to a party ffs.

ALl I wanted was to know if they could come or not. That's not navel gazing. I'm not all sad about it....I just think it's rude.

DonderandBlitzen Tue 05-Mar-13 09:21:22

I think people just forget. I don't mind that too much as I just chase people up (and I always have to chase up a few), it's when you ask people if they are coming or not and they say "I'm not sure, might be doing so and so." So I am then none the wiser. That is really annoying!

DonderandBlitzen Tue 05-Mar-13 09:22:26

Sanity I take it you tend to forget to reply to party invitations!

SanityClause Tue 05-Mar-13 09:27:00

And what I'm saying is, yes, it's a little rude, but not a big deal.

FWIW, I had a party in February for DS (9yo). I invited his whole class of 24 boys. Most people responded promptly, but those that didn't, I texted. I had asked for meal choices, and I had to remind quite a few of the parents who had RSVPed that I hadn't yet had their meal choices. So I had to do quite a bit of chasing up.

But, the fact is, I did it all because I wanted DS to have a nice party. I wanted it to run smoothly, for my own sake, so I wouldn't be stressed about it. So that little extra work that I had to do, was for me more than for the other parents, or their sons.

SanityClause Tue 05-Mar-13 09:32:37

No, Donder, I don't. I always try to respond promptly. I think it's polite.

However, sometimes my DC haven't brought the invitation home, and I haven't known about it. Other times, I have had to check what we are doing first - I gave an example up thread of needing to discuss with DS whether he would go to the party or to a rugby festival. (A tricky one, because it involved loyalty to a team, and loyalty to a friend. So not a decision to be mde lightly bu a 9yo.)

I can empathise with both the inviters and the non-responders, and I can't see why others can't, as well.

Owllady Tue 05-Mar-13 09:47:09

well yes Floggingmolly grin it was mayhem. I didn't know who half of them were!

1991all Tue 05-Mar-13 10:13:06

depends when the party is, I think if you still have a week to go, that's plenty of time to still reply
our invitations usually have a rsvp by date. did yours have that?

I do know a mum who recently said she never bothers to reply if she's not going, she figures she doesn't know the children or the parents and they won't care if her dc not going. She's a bit flakey
But that's not really the point, it's just a courtesy to let parents know

Definitely think it's worth chasing, I had one good friend who thought it was the next month, just got a bit confused!

irregularegular Tue 05-Mar-13 10:18:52

It is very rude. Inevitably some people will forget, which is excusable. But to just 'not bother' is not on at all.

To be honest, it's never really happened to me. But we've tended to have smaller parties and I know all the parents, so I just ask them if we've not heard.

I highly recommend e-mailing invites (possibly accompanied by a later paper invite for the sake of the children) as it seems to be by far the easiest why for people to RSVP as they just have to press 'reply'.

You're not doing too badly to be honest compared to others I've heard about. I would chase at this point. Annoying, I know, but so be it.

ben5 Tue 05-Mar-13 10:26:30

I had to ask a mum once if her ds was coming as he seems to have an allergy to everything. I asked her on the Friday as I was going shopping bt RSVP had been for the Wednesday. I was very polite in saying I have been waiting to shop just incase ds could come!! He turned up with epi pen etc and she didnt even pop in to see if I was happy using it! He also brought his friend with him!! cheeky sod. He wasnt invited last year!!

orangepudding Tue 05-Mar-13 10:33:24

One of my DDS has a party next week. Out of 19 6 still haven't replied. I honestly didn't have this problem with my older child, everyone replied promptly!
Her year are really bad for this and the parents need chasing up.

JaquelineHyde Tue 05-Mar-13 10:48:36

I don't reply sometimes, I hope everyone thinks I am incredibly rude maybe then all the false playground friends will fuck off and leave me alone and not invite my children to their parties so that I can have just one weekend where we can do whatever the hell we like without having to turn up at a shitty party for a pfb that no one cares about.

Is that at all helpful? grin

Awomansworth Tue 05-Mar-13 11:54:02

Some people missing the point here... the issue is not about whether or not you want to go to the shitty party, but that you show some courtesy and reply to an invitation your child has been given.

greeneyed Tue 05-Mar-13 11:58:38

jacqueline grin

DonderandBlitzen Tue 05-Mar-13 14:04:31

Jacqueline. I'm sure all the invitations for your kids will dry up very soon!

Floggingmolly Tue 05-Mar-13 14:09:45

Indeed, Donder. A quick "fuck off with your invites, you shower of bastards" and bingo, your weekends are your own again hmm. Let's hope they do it right back when they receive one from you, Jacqueline

JaquelineHyde Tue 05-Mar-13 14:47:29

grin Oooh quick call the police it looks as though someone has had their sense of humour stolen!

FYI the DCs (7, 7 and 5) are constantly invited to parties, all attempts at rudeness have failed. I am nothing but persistant though so fingers crossed you are all right and it will pay off soon.

Oh and I never have and never will do a ridiculous party for any of the DCs, they invite only true friends home and go to their true friends houses/parties quite often.

I personally think that popularity contests and one up manship parties and more rude and breed more bad manners than forgetting to every now and again answer one of 6 billion invites.

Obviously this is just my opinion and I expect none of you to agree with it!

littleducks Tue 05-Mar-13 15:21:49

I haven't replied to two invites (that i know off)

1-dd was going to change schools the next week, the invite was from her 'best friend' who was very mean to her, I didnt want a refusal to give more ammunition to the girl to be mean to her about the whole 'your not coming to my party' thing,' we thought it would be better for dd o quietly change schools

2-dd loves writing notes to her friends they then write notes back, i totally missed a party invite in her book bag because the child had written her name on envelope and i had dismissed it as a reply to a little card she had made a few days before blush

willesden Tue 05-Mar-13 16:30:05

I am always overjoyed when DCs get an invite to a party. It proves someone likes them me and I cannot wait to RSVP. People are ignorant.

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 16:49:42

Jaqueline she's not a PFB and you're probably the person everyone talks about behind her back.

steben Tue 05-Mar-13 17:35:45

Mrsmushroom - 20 invites went out last week for party in 2 weeks - so far 12 responded however I did not put reply by date on them which would appear to be an error! Don't have other parents numbers to chase so may put a reminder note out. Really need to know as want to invite extras if those who have not responded are not coming!

coffeeismywine Tue 05-Mar-13 17:51:05

I have a very very busy life and lots of children. I'm also a single parent. I'm working crazy hours at the moment and small children aren't reliable.

It's impossible for me to know - if an invite comes through for my ex's weekend I'll pass the invite to him but he's rubbish at responding. That's not my fault. Nor my responsibility.

Children from 20's to pre-teens means I have a lot to remember, I'm not perfect sometimes I forget.

I also have business trips away, sick parents, an alcoholic brother, friend needing a lot of support due to a stillbirth, upcoming gynae surgery (again) and other surgery on my knee (again).

A party invitation might slip my mind.

This type of OP that doesn't acknowledge in any way shape or form that your child's birthday party might not be top of someone else's list of priorities, that people are human and forget and that small children aren't reliable really gets right on my tits.

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 18:35:37

Coffee with all due respect, it takes a minute to send a text. I could list my enormous list of responsibilities, health problems, worries and dependents on here and say how I always respond to all invitations...but that would be martyr like imo.

People who imagine their problems to be the be all and end all get right on my tits.

coffeeismywine Tue 05-Mar-13 18:39:04

You really don't get it do you? Your child's birthday party might slip my mind given that I am busy. It's important to you, but to me it's just a minor thing.

Also, if I send the email to my ex then I can't reply for him can I?

Schooldidi Tue 05-Mar-13 18:41:06

I don't always respond straight away and when I have a lot of other things on my mind then a party invitation might easily slip my mind. When it's your own child's party then it is high on your priority list, when it's the 20th you've had that year and you have other important things going on, are not sure whether your child is free that day without checking, it's not quite so high on your priorities.

I completely understand why people don't always reply. It doesn't mean it doesn't annoy me when I'm organising a party, but I do understand why other people don't see replying to me as a high priority.

lljkk Tue 05-Mar-13 19:35:52

it takes a minute to send a text.

You obviously haven't seen how slowly I text. grin

I think I need to take a few lessons from Jac-Hyde, I rsvp to every one of the very few invites DC receive. Obviously I'm going about it all wrong. wink

JaquelineHyde Tue 05-Mar-13 22:13:18

Hahahahaha MrsMushroom with an attitude like yours (and obviously no sense of humour) I'm surprised you have had as many replies as you have.

You are obviously one of the Mums in the playground that loves to stand around having a good bitch about anyone and everyone that doesn't fit into your idea of perfect.

Oh and you must get right on your own tits as you clearly believe your problem about party invites is the be all and end all. That must be very annoying for you, do you tell yourself off in the mirror every morning or do you just bitch about yourself to your playground pals smile

greeneyed Tue 05-Mar-13 22:22:29

jaqueline you are awful but I like you grin

MrsMushroom Tue 05-Mar-13 22:42:27

Jaqueline the majority of posters are right beside me in hating bad manners. You' come across as a really awful person tbh. I do hope you suck some joy out of your empty days.

Permanentlyexhausted Tue 05-Mar-13 23:00:31

Usually I reply to invites but sometimes I forget. Usually people reply to my children's invites but sometimes they forget. It's life!

I do tend to assume that the sort of people who get so het up over non-replies that they feel the need to moan on an internet forum are probably fortunate enough not to have a clue how difficult other people's lives can be.

JaquelineHyde Tue 05-Mar-13 23:21:35

Mwhahahahaha I am a death eater and Lord Voldemort is my master. I shall suck the life out of everything Mwhahahahha.......

On the up side, I have a sense of humour and don't feel the need to bitch talk about other mothers behind their backs in the playground and obsess about a silly little birthday party whilst belittling anyone who dares suggest they have real problems.

Oh and empty days yes bloody please, but with an MA to finish studying, 3 dcs (4th due in 6 weeks) to organise and full time work (although I'm on maternity leave now) empty days are just a distant dream.

Now back to my joy sucking duties, misery, misery, misery, dull, empty dayed misery...woe is me <sob, sob>....Actually I forgot ...I don't give a fuck and I'm perfectly happy grin grin

yummumto3girls Tue 05-Mar-13 23:22:07

Jacqueline - you sound like you have a huge chip on your shoulder! Did you not get invited to parties when you were young and now taking it out on your children? It's nothing to do with PFB or one upmanship, it's about children being excited about having their friends to a party where they can be centre of attention for once, where memories are made and you get to enjoy watching your child having fun with their friends.

OP - I would echo what others have said here, we have a party on Monday, 2 non replies so I texted both. One had not got invitation, still in tray at school from before half term and the other (a renowned turn up on the day parent) responded straight away with "she'd love to!" so don't be afraid to chase people.

JaquelineHyde Tue 05-Mar-13 23:24:34

Well said permanently and far more elequently put than anything I have written so far, but I am a mere death eater so not much more could be expected of me. grin

Noideaatall Tue 05-Mar-13 23:28:02

Does it depend on where you live maybe? No one ever replies where I live (I do!) but people do turn up. It's a bit random though - sometimes you have 30 children, sometimes 2. No idea why.

JaquelineHyde Tue 05-Mar-13 23:30:30

yum as one of 7 children birthday parties and friends coming round were a constant part of my childhood, mayhem sometimes but I loved it.

My dcs are part of a group of 13 cousins (so far) all under 11 years old and so they too are lucky ebough to be surrounded by friends and parties.

Thanks for asking you just made me really happy realising how bloody lucky I was and my children are to have this kind of childhood. Family and real friends...nothing better. Thanks again grin grin

MrsMushroom Wed 06-Mar-13 00:01:04

My child is 4....she's got lots of friends but at this age, it's kind to ask all the children as their friendships are fluid and some of them don't get asked to any of the smaller more exclusive parties.

I'm glad your DC have happy childhoods Jaqueline....mine do too but lots don't make friends easily so rather than indulging in "oneupmanship" I am simply sharing the love.

Something you'd do well to consider.

coffeeismywine Wed 06-Mar-13 06:15:09

I have never posted on here in any detail about my family situation and my life. I am so glad I had name changed as I'll change back to my usual name right as soon as I post this and I won't post on this thread again.

MrsMushroom, firstly, my child might leave an invite in her tray. Sorry about that. If I don't know about the party I can't respond. Secondly, the invite might fall on a time that she is at her dad's. I will always pass the invite to him and text him the details. If he doesn't reply, that's not my problem.

Now, my life. I have a lot of things going on and with all of these things going on sometimes party invitations aren't really at the top of my list in my head. I'm going to set them out here and you can decide if they meet some sort of standard where I might be allowed to have things slip my mind.

I have five children ranging in age from 23 to 11. I work for myself and I am a single parent. It's a very busy house with after school activities, music practice and the like. Probably doesn't meet your standard of being allowed to forget.

My eldest child has a benign tumour in his brain which won't just fuck off. He lives away from home in the city where he went to university and I worry that he's not attending to his care and medications properly. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

My parents are very elderly. My father has bladder cancer and my mother has skin cancer and early stages of dementia, as well as other physical issues. I am their sole carer. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

One of my middle children has a problem with her joints and attends the children's hospital. She is due to have yet another operation in a few weeks. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

My brother is an alcoholic and regularly turns up at my door looking for money or shouting and swearing. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

I have a degenerative condition which most likely will leave me in a wheelchair in a few years. As things stand, I need a knee replacement. I am in significant pain every day and have to take a cocktail of painkillers just to function. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

I work for myself. I have (luckily) just won a big piece of business which has a tight deadline and I am struggling to keep my head above water with it. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.

Seeing as I'm such a shitty person not responding to your invite, I'll just slink off into my hole now.

Growlithe Wed 06-Mar-13 07:30:31

I'm guilty of this this week, but WWYD if you were me?

I know DD has 3 parties to attend next weekend. It's a busy weekend for me for other reasons but she's too small yet to drop and run and I think parties are important for children so will greatly inconvenience myself in order that she attends all three.

I actually physically hold one invite. This is for a child in another class who DD doesn't see too often, but goes to another activity with.

Another is on the same day. A good friend of DD, her mum has said there is an invite coming but is obviously somehow not got to me via school so as yet I don't know the time.

The third is for a very good family friend who is still organising the party because she had been too busy on something else very important for the last couple of weeks, so will let me know as soon as she can. She lives an hour away. Her DD has missed a Rainbows day out to attend DDs party before.

Do I keep my options open? Not selfishly, but to try to keep everyone happy? WWYD?

Floggingmolly Wed 06-Mar-13 08:31:52

Jacqueline. The ability (and inclination) to laugh at people does not a sense of humour make...
Just so you know.

FlowerTruck Wed 06-Mar-13 09:51:15

grow Are all the parties the same day ? Your going to have to chase up the mothers and ask. Probably possible to manage two parties on the same day, if there at different times and not to far apart. But three would be a bit much. Sounds an exhausting weekend for both of you ! grin

Growlithe Wed 06-Mar-13 10:45:37

Flower the family friend has now arranged her DDs party on the other day to accommodate my DD which is so kind. This is the one we had to attend and is the one a distance away so is a relief.

The other two parties are on the same day. Hopefully I'll get the missing invite tonight and be able to reply. I feel embarrassed actually chasing an invite, but the mum did mention the party to me so I may have to.

Yes that will be a busy weekend I could do without as I've got loads to do that week, but I don't like to knock back invites unless its impossible to attend.

Karoleann Wed 06-Mar-13 11:05:15

I made the mistake of not chasing up people that hadn't replied to ds1's party invite when he was in reception, so few replied that I invited some siblings to make up numbers.
3 of the children whose parents didn't reply then turned up, the venue had a maximum number and I had to turn them away. The following year one of the same children turned up again without replying.....hmmmm

DaveMccave Wed 06-Mar-13 11:16:51

My daughter has only bought one invite home in 2 years of school. Often she will mention she had an invite, but lost it. I often go to great lengths to find out who's party it is/was to apologise. She just loses them every time and its such a shame.

DaveMccave Wed 06-Mar-13 11:18:18

Also, I suspect a lot of invites are given out in Fridays. I never receive letters or anything from a Friday as her father picks her up and has her for the weekend, and when confronted about missing letters he point blank denies any knowledge. Which is v strange. The parents may well not have seen the invites. Ask them.

Well I will admit I have been guilty of not replying on occasions.

Yes, it is not a good thing. But I have 3 children who each play a different sport, and other out of school stuff.

When I had dd and DS1 at primary, I did respond, even if it was a not sure, can I tell you next week.

Now, when ds2 gets a party invitation and an RSVP 2 weeks before the date, I could not tell you who will be at what match/production/training etc.

I honestly don't know until the fixture list is emailed to me. So I cannot say yes or no as I haven't worked out the logistics of where everyone will be.

your party may be the most important thing ever. to you
But to me, it's another thing to fit into the schedule, and that's it.

It's very nice to be invited. It's also quite likely he will not be able to go if its a weekend and I say that straight away.

But it's an RSVP. People have other stuff going on. Is it worth all the angst?

JaquelineHyde Wed 06-Mar-13 19:05:47

flogging just so you know...I haven't laughed at anyone on this thread. I have however, poked a little bit of fun at the entire situation and have been quite self deprecating in some instances. I have in return been told I am an awful person with and empty life and that people feel sorry for my children hmm

All over a 4yr olds party invite. It really is quite pathetic...just so you know.

coffee thank you so much for posting and sharing that with us. I think you are doing pretty damn well just to keep functioning, so, as far as a few invites are concerned I say fuck 'em grin Sadly you are right though this will still not be good enough for some people who seem to feel that their child's party should be top of your priorities and anything you say is just a poor excuse.

greeneyed Wed 06-Mar-13 21:18:31

Jaqueline talks sense

Growlithe Wed 06-Mar-13 21:33:25

The easiest way to get around being in this situation is to either:

1) have the party in a play centre, where you just give them rough numbers and pay on the day for how many turn up.

2) have the party in a venue where there are enough chairs to add a couple if need be, and cater on big trays letting the guests help themselves. Choose entertainment which works for any number of guests.

In either case, a have few extra party bags to hand. If you have any over give them to siblings.

It is only ever two or three who don't let you know. An entertainer we booked once needed very specific numbers. This was a nightmare because you do feel a bit silly chasing people. It's not a situation I'd get myself into again. grin

Maryz Wed 06-Mar-13 21:45:02

Or, have a party at home and just let them play in the garden.

And don't worry about party bags, just hand them a balloon and a piece of cake.

And if they aren't happy, they won't come next year.

I used to do that, it was easy-peasy, I never knew or cared who turned up (though i was a bit put out when one 7 year old wasn't collected one year due to a mix-up between mum and dad and was still there at 10 pm grin).

SamuelWestsMistress Wed 06-Mar-13 22:36:55

My DD had her 5th birthday party recently. We sent out 19 invites to her whole class and only 6 replied and 5 came! (From her class only, there were more kids turned up from other friends and family and it was a great party!) No excuse for that rudeness I think.

MrsSham Wed 06-Mar-13 22:58:39

Well said coffee. I sent out 7 invites two weeks ago for dds party at home this weekend I have had 2 replies, I have told dd that the others may come, they may not, but if only 2 come its no reflection on her popularity it is that people have busy lives sometimes and some parents find it difficult to prioritise parties for lots of reasons. If on,y 2 turn up we will still have fun, if more turn up then that's a bonus.

One parent I know is undergoing health investigations so I wouldn't dream of pressing her on this and the others, who knows what is going on their lives. I would rather teach my dd that sometimes we get let down, its how we deal with this that's important and the bigger picture we should consider.

MrsSham Wed 06-Mar-13 23:00:17

That's what I'm doing on Saturday maryz. Even if its only with three of them grin

katrinefonsmark Wed 06-Mar-13 23:11:31

Jacqueline Hyde - can you explain how the fact that you value true friendships means that you feel it's unnecessary to politely decline invitations from people who aren't your true friends? Perhaps they should get a sense of humour.

BertieBotts Wed 06-Mar-13 23:16:57

Hear hear coffee. Sometimes I just have a million other things to remember which are more important (sorry!) than a party invitation. I do try to reply.

Another solution would be to only invite children whose parents you know (enough to have contact details for) so that you can ask/remind them directly, via facebook/text/email/whatever.

MrsSham Wed 06-Mar-13 23:20:46

This thread reminds me of a time when my mum relied to party saying I could go, I must have been about 7, I didn't make it as my dad beat the crap out of mum and gave her a black eye, he also refused to give her money for a present or to get there, my sister who had a disability made it difficult to attend these things, getting out the house was hard enough most days.

On the Monday as I skipped into school seemingly without a care in the world the motherzilla stopped me in my tracks with a very snide loud remark pointing out that girl who says she will come to party and then let's poor x down. It wasn't until I got home and told my mum what was said that I actually realised my little world was crushed because not everyone lives a life like I did where going to parties where not always high on the list.

katrinefonsmark Wed 06-Mar-13 23:26:58

Mrs Sham that's awful and I have many similar memories. Most peoples lives are not this chaotic tho.And there's no excuse for busy people not to send a quick polite text.

MrsSham Wed 06-Mar-13 23:30:14

But you just don't know that, no one I went to school with knew this. No one else at the school my dd attends knows anything about my home life as I don't about theirs, like I said about the mother undergoing health tests no one else at the school knows this.

The point I'm making is that people's lives for many reasons big or small just aren't able to prioritise things like this and it is very petty to get het up about it.

beenhereayear Wed 06-Mar-13 23:32:06

I forget to check in DCs bags for weeks sometimes, I just get the required books out and don't look through the other stuff as I know the important letters are emailed.

SanityClause Wed 06-Mar-13 23:34:40


Yep, that sums up the OP's position, IMO.

Disappearing Wed 06-Mar-13 23:38:37

For my DD's party, one mum asked me if I'd intended to invite only one of her twin DC. Now as my DD plays with both her children, it was clearly a mistake. I wrote out all the invites myself, and personally handed them to all the children, so know they got them, but somehow one went missing. At least she asked me, so I could sort it out.

For our latest party, only one child didn't RSVP (good odds!). This girls mum is totally flaky, I've never yet had a RSVP from her for any party or event, yet the girl always turns up, so I assumed she'd come again. However she didn't. My DD informed me later the girls parents have recently split up, and often the wrong parent gets the invite (I take this as meaning Dad gets the invite, for a party happening on mum's weekend), so now I feel totally bad for not chasing up a response, as probably the girl would love to have come, she was the only one who didn't.

So, as I've learn't its best to communicate, call and chase, as people have a lot going on in their lives, and your party is likely not the parent's top priority.

katrinefonsmark Wed 06-Mar-13 23:44:24

The OP's post is about those people who could easily reply but don't see the need to.politely RSVP. Adds party's coming up. One girls not RSVPd. Her life is chaotic. I know this and am not fussed if her mum replies. All others have replied and so they should have. It's not about my.pfb, its about politeness.

The point is that you don't always know if someone's life is temporarily chaotic - like the week after I mc when DH was overseas and both my parents had been ill. Only one person saw me lose it, but nobody else would have had a clue that I was seriously over capacity.

MrsSham Thu 07-Mar-13 00:45:55

Yes because you ASSUME they could easily, you JUST DON'T KNOW THAT!!!

And even they could just easily reply, which you just DON'T KNOW its still very petty to get hung up about.

coffeeismywine Thu 07-Mar-13 07:02:40

I really should hide this thread.

If you were the parent of a child at my kids' school you would think I was one of those parents who can't be bothered. What you'd see on the face of it is me turning up to school every day with my make up and smile on you would have a bloody clue what's going on in my life.

You'd also be doing that annoying fake laugh that they do when I say I work from home and saying to yourself that I lie at home on my fat arse all day and do nothing and working from home is just an excuse for lazy.

You wouldn't know that last night my ex turned up and spent an hour and a half talking at me shouting at me and berating me for being a crap person and didn't leave until I threatened to phone the police.

You wouldn't know that I have been up all night I tears and have decided to add taking him to court to vary the contact order to the list of things I have to do.

You wouldn't know. And you'd think I was one of those shitty parents who can't be bothered to send a text.

So how do you know those can't be bothered parents aren't like me?

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 07:32:09

Coffee you're obviously having an awful time but using this thread to vent isn't good for you and you should start a new one or think about getting someone to help you out if possible.

Maybe you do need to let people know what you are going through? It's all pouring out here...and it's such a silly thread to get emotional about.

Is there no friend to talk to?

coffeeismywine Thu 07-Mar-13 07:51:03

Mrsmushroom please don't patronise me. You asked a question. I answered it. You are being unreasonable because you do not know the corcumstances in each individual case. And if you still can't see that then you're never going to see it.

And fwiw I do have friends, real friends who I get support from. Some random mother whose child happens to go to school with mine won't be one of them.

Skygirls Thu 07-Mar-13 07:57:21

Very annoying not to get replies, but I always send out an email reminder a week before the party, to those I haven't heard from. I usually end with "if I don't hear from you, I assume you won't be coming"
It usually prompts said parents into replying.

Maryz Thu 07-Mar-13 08:25:29

That's a bit unfair MrsMushroom - your op was AIBU to wonder why ... and Coffee gave you plenty of reasons why. As have a few other people.

So if it's a silly thread to get emotional about, surely it's a silly thing to get cross about?

aufaniae Thu 07-Mar-13 08:53:45

Just ask them, if you know their phone numbers.

I have managed to RSVP in good time to all parties so far, but I'm exactly the kind of person who will forget, then remember last minute in a panic. I know it's a pain and I'm trying my best (and have done well so far!)

For me, finding this kind of stuff difficult is a combination of being very busy (I'm studying and DP's studying too - we often have months at a time where both of us are putting every spare minute into our studies. When it's like that I get no time to unwind. I don't have time to ever watch TV or read for pleasure while studying for example) and also being in a fairly permanent state of lack of sleep and having a terrible memory. At the moment I'm not studying - but am now moving house (including doing up the new house) heavily pregnant and doing freelance work, all with too-tight deadlines so still just as busy!

If I'm late with things like this I hope people don't think I just can't be bothered. It's that I'm juggling so many things it's really difficult to get it all done! You wouldn't want to be as over-committed as I am at the moment, it's very stressful and not fun!

When it's DS's party if I need to know numbers, I text them and politely ask if they're coming. For those I can't get hold of, I assume they are and make sure I have enough stuff for them. I also do a couple of extra party bags in case of siblings etc.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 09:17:55

Coffee I was genuinely trying to be nice. If you can't recognise that then that's your problem. I read all of your stresses and felt bad but you're not're using this thread to vent.

Maryz as I just said it was not was me trying to make a truce.

coffeeismywine Thu 07-Mar-13 09:20:55

MrsMushroom - you asked a question. I answered it.

You really really don't get it do you? Other people have important stuff of all kinds of hues going on in their lives that you won't know about that is none of your business that might mean they forget for understandable reasons.

Some people are disorganised. I think that's hard for the organised to remember !
I do try not to be, and to let people know if DC's can go to their friends' parties.

I also do find it frustrating too. When DD was younger she wanted to invite her whole class and I found that was disastrous from the POV of getting replies. Now I only invite people I have some contact with even if that's only in the playground at pick-up time - so DC's better friends.

But I admit I must try harder myself too. Does it count as a reply if the DC's tell your child they can go ? Or would you prefer a call ? I don't do texts.

toffeefee Thu 07-Mar-13 09:39:06

Even though your child's party is very important to you, you have to remember that to other parents there are 20-odd parties through out the year and they just aren't that important to some people. There could be very genuine reasons, or just too busy to put it at the top of the list, either way I think you are getting very worked up about it and it just isn't that big a deal. Make a little extra food just in case more turn up, have extra party bags, or actually talk to the parents to see if they are intending on coming. Easy.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 09:54:00

Coffee can you not come on here anymore? You've made your point and now, it only seems like you're picking on me.'ve made the same point as others. Did you read the whole thread?

Lancelottie Thu 07-Mar-13 09:56:27

To add to the list of answers to 'Why?':

DD leaves the invitation at school.
Or she leaves her bag in school/someone else's car/at swimming.
Or she stuffs it in her coat and we find it weeks later.
Or it makes it home, goes on the notice board and is slowly covered by layers of school stuff and medical appointments, and we find it weeks later...
Or it goes on my desk while I search for my phone, and drifts off down the back while I forget what I was looking for, and we find it weeks later...

We do get to quite a few parties, surprisingly.

Come to think of it, where is my phone today?

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 09:57:25

Lottie did you read the thread? Those points have ALL been made umpteen times.

Lancelottie Thu 07-Mar-13 09:59:13

Ah well.

That's probably about the same level of attention I pay to most things.


Lancelottie Thu 07-Mar-13 10:00:11

In other words, some people don't remember to reply because they are frankly a bit scatty. Invite only offspring of organised, attention-paying parents, and bob's yer uncle.

The sort of people who might have some insights into reasons for un RSVP'd invitations might be the sort (like me ?!) not to read the whole thread Mrs M !

Lancelottie Thu 07-Mar-13 10:02:16

Nah, Juggling, we do it because we want to annoy.

That's the only acceptable answer.

mrsshackleton Thu 07-Mar-13 10:04:17

OP, it is EXTREMELY annoying when people don't rsvp. However, none of us is perfect, we all forget things from time to time so you have to be zen. Approach the mothers who haven't replied. I've been approached and I never received the invite. If you don't want to do that, then you will have to just make the extra party bags up.

I've learned over the years that there are certain parents who never reply because they are socially inept, their kids always show, and ime no reply means "yes."

I think the short answer is to be really friendly and considerate to others, as well as to help your DC's have a great party with all their friends, you have to be prepared to do a bit of reminding and chasing up of invitations, with as much good grace as you can muster !

PanickingIdiot Thu 07-Mar-13 10:24:51

People who have enough time to invite 28 kids to their children's birthday party probably have enough time to deal with the extra 5 who'll show up (or not) without having RSVP-d.

Not a problem you'll ever catch me having.

JaquelineHyde Thu 07-Mar-13 10:34:45

MrsMushroom You appear perfectly happy to have anyone who agrees with you come on to the thread and repeat the same things that have been said over and over again. Yet those who don't agree with you are now being asked to leave the thread or told off for not reading the whole thread because they are repeating already made arguments.

Do you not think that this is just a little bit hypocritical and very, very childish?

In answer to your original question...NO YANBU to wonder why some people do not RSVP to party invites. However, You are being utterly unreasonable to not accept any of the very real reasons you have been given for this to happen.

You have even gone one step further and been quite insulting about those who don't reply, you have insinuated that people who don't reply are the ones other mums talk about in the playground and have gone as far to say that you hate it when some people think their problems are the be all and end all and that they get right on your tits.

Maybe, just maybe this is why some people (myself included) have not taken very kindly to you and your attitude and have been down right upset by what you have posted.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 10:53:23

jaquliene I said those insulting things because YOU were insulting to ME.

Maryz Thu 07-Mar-13 10:53:39

MrsMushroom, you don't own this thread.

You can't tell people what they can or can't post.

You are sounding increasingly unreasonable (and a tad controlling).

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 10:54:16

Oh whatever...I don't like it when people pile in and have a go at an OP because they're bored.

Maryz Thu 07-Mar-13 10:55:27

I'm not piling in. And I'm not bored.

I have read your responses on this thread and I realise that you didn't meant to post in AIBU. You meant to post in "I'm right and everyone else is wrong, come and agree with me".


MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 10:58:06

What do people want from me? For me to admit I'm wrong? I don't think I am...nor do lots of others.

I don't think as many as 5 people in my DC class have problems that equal Coffe' in all likelyhood some of them are rude/disorganised because they just are!

is that an unreasonable assumption? No. I don't accept that.

Lancelottie Thu 07-Mar-13 11:02:53


Do you really assume it's because people are rude?

I tend to assume 'rude' involves some deliberate, y'know, rudeness. As in 'That bloody Mushroom, I'll show her what I think of her pesky party invitations. Take that! Pah!'

JaquelineHyde Thu 07-Mar-13 11:05:02

So your rudeness is all my fault, even the rudeness before I came on the thread and posts you have made directly in response to other posters (like the gets on my tits comment). Righty-ho! I am obviously frickin amazing. Thanks smile

Maryz Thu 07-Mar-13 11:05:39

Ok. Five people.

One like Coffee, maybe.

One with separated parents and doubt about where they will be that weekend.

One with older siblings with variable sports/drama/music commitments.

One with an ill parent/grandparent.

One with a sibling with SN.

One whose mum has a newborn.

That's more than five. You have been given loads of reasons, but you have decided they are all rude.

And of course you are right, because a few people have agreed with you hmm.

MrsMushroom Thu 07-Mar-13 11:07:28

jaqueline the gets on my tits comment was an EXACT imitation of one someone else said...I think it was Coffee. So whatever you think or want other to think you's bollocks. You come over as odd frankly.

If you're an organised person though it may be that you've been lucky to have those skills come quite easily to you (though of course I don't know, maybe you work very hard at it ?)

IMHO it's about understanding that those skills may not come so easily to others. smile Sometimes because of life circumstances, but also importantly, just because they are different to you.

"because they just are" in your post can be looked at in different ways ?!

Lancelottie Thu 07-Mar-13 11:09:04

This thread has been useful, though.

DD vaguely mentioned 'Emily's Party' yesterday, but we have seen neither hide nor hair of an invitation. I shall try to remember to check with parent of Emily tonight (whichever Emily it is, and whether or not she has truly invited DD. Uh oh. Whole new minefield looms...)

Growlithe Thu 07-Mar-13 11:11:06

Could we all calm down? It's a few extra butties and party bags. Save it for when you are organising her wedding. grin

Lancelottie Thu 07-Mar-13 11:11:10

Maybe people are too scared to reply to OP without a cast-iron excuse for delay as she's starting to scare me

SanityClause Thu 07-Mar-13 11:17:20

What Maryz said.

(Although, this could be added by me to pretty much any post she ever makes. smile)

agirland2boys Thu 07-Mar-13 11:17:55

no original answers from me only commiserating!
it always irked me to no end that so many would fail to rsvp - sometimes up to half of those invited!
i always tried to find a pattern (ie 'class' state vs private, etc) and realised that being inconsiderate of others is, in fact 'classless' (in more ways than one!)

Maryz Thu 07-Mar-13 11:19:34

[arf] Sanity - you will be accused of piling in if you aren't careful.

Floggingmolly Thu 07-Mar-13 11:19:59

I've chased some people on the past who look at me as if I've got two heads and say "yes, of course she's coming, I'd have told you if she wasn't", when the invitation clearly states the RSVP date required. When you have to pay in advance I'd rather not have to use my ESP when giving the venue final numbers.

So, yes, people don't reply for all sorts of genuine reasons, but it doesn't mean a large percentage just haven't got the social awareness to understand they're being rude.

agirland2boys Thu 07-Mar-13 11:20:19

should have mentioned - i always made 4 or 5 extra loot bags so that the kids wouldn't be left w/nothing as a result of parents' mistake of not rsvping

SanityClause Thu 07-Mar-13 11:39:05

Well, actually, Maryz, I told the OP that she should get over herself a couple of days ago, so maybe you are piling in!


mummytime Thu 07-Mar-13 11:40:21

I wonder what you will do when a parent accepts the invitation and then the child doesn't show?

I did this once as I genuinely forgot (don't think my DS forgave me). Another child the parents got the time wrong by 2 hours. In another case the home life was disorganised. In another DD didn't got, but I thought that was obvious as she had been off with Swine Flu. And there are numerous cases of overnight sickness etc.

greeneyed Thu 07-Mar-13 11:57:45

Mrs Mushroom you are the one coming across as odd I'm afraid.

JaquelineHyde Thu 07-Mar-13 12:38:37

Excellent according to the OP I am rude, a really awful person, the type of person everyone bitches about in the playground, I am to blame for all the OP's rude/vaguely insulting comments on this entire thread, I lead an empty life in which she hopes I can suck some joy from.

And now I'm 'odd' hmm

The other insults have all been vaguely amusing and straight forward but the use of the word 'odd' has confused me. Could you please clarify what you mean by this OP as I am not sure how by pointing out some of the rude ill thought out comments you have made makes me odd?

MrsSham Thu 07-Mar-13 12:42:34

I love a party with a happy atmosphere!!

Portofino Thu 07-Mar-13 15:22:57

I'm with Jacqueline on this one grin

Permanentlyexhausted Thu 07-Mar-13 16:13:02

I fear the OP has displayed a level of rudeness on this thread which eclipses any displayed by party invite non-repliers.

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 17:54:20

I would personally invite all you interesting people with busy lives to a party. smile Beats the type of party with bored navel gazing control freaks any day.

Thanks CabbageLeaves wine brew

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 18:06:20

You don't even have to RSVP grin. Just come and be fun to be with!

MrsSham Thu 07-Mar-13 18:18:33

I'm there cabbage. wine

Maryz Thu 07-Mar-13 18:21:17

It could be like one of those chaotic teenage Facebook parties [hopeful]

WorraLiberty Thu 07-Mar-13 18:26:47

I love a party with a happy atmosphere!!

MrsSham I now have that stupid Russ Abbot song going round in my head! angry

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 18:35:31

grin Maryz

So how many canapés shall one buy?

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 18:37:43

My favourite party ended up with strip netball in the back garden (those were the days). Sadly one of the most enthusiastic netballers is now a colleague in my very professional working life. I have to kid myself we've both forgotten it confused

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 18:38:06

It's a him!

greeneyed Thu 07-Mar-13 18:42:03

Cabbage, he definately hasn't forgotten!

Maryz Thu 07-Mar-13 18:44:26

Canapés? What, food? We won't need food. We'll fill up on alcohol, just like any mn meet-up.

<Disclaimer: I have never been to a meet-up, so they may possibly be alcohol-free but I doubt it >

CabbageLeaves Thu 07-Mar-13 19:13:27

Sorry...had to unblock the washing machine

Well I did pop into 'My Local MN' t'other day but it was all play dates and coffee so I left quickly. Politics over a glass of wine in the evening, child free was more my thing. (Or strip netball obviously)

I felt very drunk at my one and only meet up

MrsSham Thu 07-Mar-13 20:44:42

I know worra, me too, its been with me all bloody day. I had to share it, I could not possibly suffer it alone grin

Fillyjonk75 Thu 07-Mar-13 20:50:21

I regularly didn't used to get the invitation until late when I was working 4 days a week and it came via granny/childminder.

musicalmum40 Thu 07-Mar-13 22:05:40

Omg I would never ask the teacher to help me work out this kind of stuff. Teachers have enough to do without approaching parents to get answers for us on RSVP's !!! Please please leave teachers to get on with their jobs and leave them out of the birthday invite shenanigans !!

Underconstruction Thu 07-Mar-13 22:42:01

I overheard DD2's teacher very pointedly telling a parent that his son had an invitation in his book bag and if he didn't open the book bag he might miss the party (it was DD2's invitation - he didn't reply and he didn't come). Sad really. It's obvious the parents never read with the boy or think there's any reason to open his bag when he gets home. Annoying for me once a year but for the teacher it's an insult day in and day out that they don't bother to involve themselves with their son's education.

MrsSham Thu 07-Mar-13 22:45:18

Why would that mean they don't read with him hmm

WorraLiberty Thu 07-Mar-13 22:50:00

I errm...only guessed it was by Russ Abbot

I mean I never bought the song or anything

Well ok it may have been on a compilation CD but I have no idea how I came by it...honest officer blush

JaquelineHyde Thu 07-Mar-13 23:08:46

And this thread takes yet another shocking turn and I'm not talking about underconstructions ridiculous comment!

I'm talking about the revelations about what Worra is listening to on her ipod...Russ Abbot's greatest hits album (it was a short album!) shock grin

WorraLiberty Fri 08-Mar-13 00:09:39

It Wasn't Me

Don't Be Cruel

I'll Tell Me Ma

If You Don't Stop

Gangnam up on me

shock blush

aufaniae Fri 08-Mar-13 00:21:24

OK, I admit I didn't read the whole thread before posting earlier. (Still haven't, but have read this page now).

MrsMushroom - wow you're rude! shock I can't believe the way you've addressed some of the posters, and ironically, on a thread about etiquette.

CabbageLeaves Fri 08-Mar-13 07:32:08

I had an album by the Wombles. I loved it. (In my defence I was about 6)

CabbageLeaves Fri 08-Mar-13 07:34:03

I wondered if I was making that^ up but google reveals The wonder of Wombling

<showing my age>

youmaycallmeSSP Fri 08-Mar-13 09:22:23

<skips bunfight>

DS had his birthday party recently. Out of the 25 children in his nursery class, 5 replied and 4 actually showed up. Yes, I was cross with the rude parents who didn't bother to reply. The invitations were handed by the nursery nurses to the parents as they collectes their children, there's no excuse.

BerylStreep Fri 08-Mar-13 09:33:39

Have only read the first couple of posts.

I have been guilty of not responding to party invitations. In my defence, in my DD's class, it has always been specified 'regrets only', so as a class, the expectation is that unless you say otherwise, you will be coming.

However, when it came to younger DS' class, they were all RSVP. Quite a few of us didn't bother replying, as we thought the 'regrets only' thing still stood.

BerylStreep Fri 08-Mar-13 10:11:08

Thought I would read the rest of the thread. I have tears rolling down my cheeks! Jaqueline, you are vaiy naughty!

MrsSham Fri 08-Mar-13 13:05:34

Right so now we need a party play list we have atmosphere

Worra has added wombles and by sheer accident I think gangnam

Any further requests.

I want that superman song

SanityClause Fri 08-Mar-13 18:44:44

Well, if we're only allowed rubbish music, what about Aga Doo?

Also, we must definitely invite coffeeismywine, even if she won't have time to RSVP, because she seems lovely! unlike the OP.

Growlithe Fri 08-Mar-13 19:01:18

Can we have the Cha Cha Slide? And I want a party bag full of plastic shit or I won't go home.

BerylStreep Fri 08-Mar-13 19:12:27

RSVP by [ Five Star]]?

BerylStreep Fri 08-Mar-13 19:13:02

Oh bugger, I messed up the links.

RSVP by Five Star

BerylStreep Fri 08-Mar-13 19:14:38

Or RSVP by Jason Donovan?

MrsSham Fri 08-Mar-13 21:34:46

Yes coffee can come so long as she leaves some of those kids at home, I'm not sure my precious could cope with all that brood. grin

coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 21:38:58

grin DS1 is 23. I am nominating him to be our designated driver is that ok?

Maryz Fri 08-Mar-13 21:39:42

I'm not convinced by this music line-up you know hmm. Just how drunk do we intend to be?

doesn't mention the birdie song

coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 21:40:37

I can supply, musicwise, the Smurfs christmas party slightly out of season

MrsSham Fri 08-Mar-13 21:42:27

Shitfaced maryz

coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 21:43:55

If DS1 is driving, can I be so shitfaced I boak out the side of the car and down the door and again when we pull into the drive and again on the front lawn and copiously in the toilet? because revenge is sweet

MrsSham Fri 08-Mar-13 21:44:51

Only if you fall in it getting out the car.

coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 21:46:34


Maryz Fri 08-Mar-13 21:47:21

Ok, then, the music doesn't matter.

coffee, the difference is that when he does that you clean up.

You can bet your life that if you did that, you would have to clean it up tomorrow, when it has all dried in [bitter]

coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 21:49:29

Oh yes Maryz - the morning he or his mate had only made it as far as the kitchen sink is etched in my memory

<bitter as well>

coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 21:55:17

Don't laugh but I miss those days and I'm looking forward to them again with the youngers. Getting up in the morning and not being quite sure how many zombie hungover people are going to appear from bedrooms and having them eat you out of house and home. And I do know I'm strange.

Growlithe Fri 08-Mar-13 22:06:46

coffee is wanting zombie hungover people at her house - is this party turning into a sleepover at her house??? grin grin grin

coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 22:09:18

grin has no one else ever come downstairs and found random young men asleep on the sofa then ?

SanityClause Fri 08-Mar-13 22:16:06

This thread is great!

It starts off with bosoms hoicked up above ear height, but by 250 posts they are swinging down below the knees.


coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 22:20:10

Speak for yourself Sanity grin my bosoms are perfectly pert thank you lies

Growlithe Fri 08-Mar-13 22:53:51

coffee no randoms here for at least 12 years. grin 2 DDs now and god help them if they take after me. shock

Maryz Fri 08-Mar-13 22:56:56

Isn't that how Me and Mrs Jones started?

ds1 isnt' allowed to have friends home. They would probably make off with the tv before we got up. ds2's hide in the garage.

I do like seeing dh's face when he gets up on a Sunday to find half a dozen 16 year old girls randomly scattered around the house. Thank goodness for onesies grin

Growlithe Fri 08-Mar-13 23:06:04

Mine are 9 and 4 Maryz. I'm a little bit scared of the teenage years - but not that scared. I had to know every trick in the book with my own fabulous dad - and I did! I'd be surprised if they can shock me too much. wink <naive>

abbyfromoz Fri 08-Mar-13 23:07:48

argh I know! and it's not just parents! some people think that a 'we'll see on the day' is good enough! I need numbers people!!!

MrsSham Fri 08-Mar-13 23:16:13

Sorry for the no show guys a d lack of RSVP. I'm right peeved off and slightly shitfaced attempting to put a bike together for dds birthday tomorrow and the handlebar shaft thing won't go on I've lubed it and everything and the screw is stuck tight. Have given up on it and now boiling some eggs for the shrines...though a bit too drunk to the sandwich making.

Ffs going to have to send a miserable and moaning exp to halfords in the morning as soon as he turns up.

Has coffee vomed yet?

MrsSham Fri 08-Mar-13 23:17:15

I'm not boiling eggs for shrines I'm really not that shitfaced, I'm boiling eggs for sarnies grin

coffeeismywine Fri 08-Mar-13 23:26:01

grin at shrines

No vomming til about 3 am ..

Growlithe Fri 08-Mar-13 23:31:23

MrsSham Halfords build them for free. Hopefully you can get them to sort it tomorrow.

MrsSham Fri 08-Mar-13 23:37:38

I know I didn't buy it from halfords though so not sure if they will.

Maryz Fri 08-Mar-13 23:42:35

<reminisces about drunken nights building presents>

<remembers with horror the Christmas Eve of the bunk beds>

MrsSham Fri 08-Mar-13 23:48:45

I never learn its been sat in a box in my garage since before bloody Christmas

Why do we leave these things untill the night before? confused

Growlithe Fri 08-Mar-13 23:51:04

We live and learn. Have a wine

WorraLiberty Fri 08-Mar-13 23:51:33

It wasn't me wot had the Womble song, it was someone else shock

In honour of the OP, may I add 'RSVP' by Heart to the song list? grin

Maryz Fri 08-Mar-13 23:55:40

<whispers: I had the Wombles album too. On a record. I knew all the words>

The shame blush

WorraLiberty Fri 08-Mar-13 23:57:30


I was gutted about it too blush

Maryz Fri 08-Mar-13 23:59:59

Methinks she doth protest too much grin

My first album was Fleetwood Mac, Rumours. I also had Meatloaf Bat Out of Hell and Bread (but I'm trying to forget that one).

I was a very sad teenager.

MrsSham Sat 09-Mar-13 00:07:24

My first album was a TOTP compilation when I was a bout 5, it had save all your kisses for me on it. I remember the cover had a woman with a white lace bodice on and smoking a fag.

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 00:17:53

I also had Meatloaf Bat Out of Hell and Bread

Really? We just had cheese and crackers < Poor family >

My first album was "Fonzie's Favourites"....a compilation of the songs played on the TV show 'Happy Days' blush

I've never name changed before but I can see I'm going to have to when I sober up log in tomorrow...

MrsSham Sat 09-Mar-13 00:20:37

Nothing wrong with the fonze worra

Growlithe Sat 09-Mar-13 00:25:08

My first record was Little Jimmy Osmond 'I'll be your long haired lover from Livepool'.

My big sister had the Womble album but my favourite was the Christmas one:

'All day long we will be Wombling in the snow
We wish you a Wombling Merry Christmas'.


WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 00:27:25

MrsSham I'll see your Fonz and raise you the Bay City Rollers!

<< Deffo name changing >>

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 00:28:52

Growlithe I wonder if we should hold a Wombles Rave?

Underground rave or overground though?

<< Decisions >>

MrsSham Sat 09-Mar-13 00:30:24

Bay city rollers waaaayyyy before my time but ill see the bay city rollers and raise you Daniel O'Donell.

Maryz Sat 09-Mar-13 00:37:54

I loved the Wombling Merry Christmas [nostalgic]. I was of the Bay City Rollers and Osmonde era - my mum sewed tartan into my jeans.

To be honest though, compared to The Wiggles or Fucking Barney, the Wombles were pretty sophisticated and we shouldn't be ashamed at all.

However, Daniel O'Donnell is a step too far shock. Unless you are a woman of a certain age from the West of Ireland, wee Daniel is beyond the limits of respectibility.

<still recovering from the shock of his marriage, as was sure he was gay>

Growlithe Sat 09-Mar-13 00:41:07

There is mileage in this event Worra.

I'm just watching Russell Brand's thing from yesterday.

I mean if none of you are up for it I don't mind liaising with Russ. grin

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 00:41:16

Daniel O'Donnell?


I'll see him and raise you the Dubliners

<< Sings 7 drunken nights...just knowing Maryz will know the 'dirty' version >>

WorraLiberty Sat 09-Mar-13 00:43:03

Is Russel Brand a Womble now?

A Dickensian Womble with a backcomb - yes that could work!

Maryz Sat 09-Mar-13 00:43:29

I like the Dubliners grin. ds1 does a mean version of Dirty Old Town.

MrsSham Sat 09-Mar-13 00:50:57

Don't know it grin I know dirty ol town though

Russ is all yours growlith I can't stand him. Too attention seeking for me. I can see the Dickensian womble inference, though not sure he would cope with the sheer graft of a true womble, I see him as a bit if a boo hooer

Growlithe Sat 09-Mar-13 00:53:36

Is Russel Brand a Womble now?

A Dickensian Womble with a backcomb - yes that could work!

Well that image has sorted it for me tonight girls xxxx

MrsSham Sat 09-Mar-13 01:00:12

He would most definetly be Tobermory with the top hat

MrsSham Sat 09-Mar-13 01:01:49
MrsSham Sat 09-Mar-13 01:03:35

this one

Please no more common learning traing confused I'm done with that for a year.

Growlithe Sat 09-Mar-13 01:12:39

Just watching the end of yesterday's gig. He is a beautiful person.

CabbageLeaves Sat 09-Mar-13 18:04:09

I am feeling so reassured by the other Wombling album owners. The years of shame may be in the past

BerylStreep Sat 09-Mar-13 20:59:54

I take it that everyone remaining on the thread is 42 then, judging by the music.

I don't care if he is married, I'm still convinced Daniel ODonnell is gay.

MrsSham Sat 09-Mar-13 21:29:44

He can't be gay, he is a catholic don't ya know wink

zipzap Sun 10-Mar-13 01:15:50

Inspired by liking the wombles when I was little, I bought the greatest hits of the wombles for ds1 when he was little.

it's actually rather good, even now blush and one of the few 'child' cds that is allowed on grin

And no, I'm not 42 unfortunately I'm 43 going on 7 I've just realised by my taste in music!

TandB Sun 10-Mar-13 13:44:17

Bumping the thread back up to suggest they might have done the following:

Received invitation - read date and time and wrote it on calendar as Saturday 10th and filed it entirely wrongly in head as Saturday 3rd.
Left invitation in car. Driven car to garage to be fixed. Left without invitation.
Had no RSVP information - left message with pre-school for parent of birthday child saying DS1 could attend and leaving tel number for any problems.
Purchased presents and cards.
Got to Saturday 3rd. Panicked due to complicated local event meaning road to venue closed. Made complex travel plans.
Checked calendar and discovered it wasn't on 3rd at all.
Realised Saturday wasn't 10th - Sunday was 10th.
Got ill. Baby got ill. DP went away for work event. Brain ceased functioning. Arranged MIL to look after sick baby while DS1 goes to party.
Got to within 2 hours of party time, located lost invitation by chance. Texted parent to check DS1 on their list. Read invitation again. Realised it was yesterday.
Wallowed in shame and guilt.

I am mortified. I do not understand how I have managed to be quite so stupid on quite so many occasions about this one party. I got the date wrong TWICE. They must have just thought we didn't bother turning up. DS1 is going to be a social pariah for the rest of his school life because I'm going to be the crap, disorganised mother who does stuff like this.

Is there a Crap Mothers' Day?

MrsMushroom Sun 10-Mar-13 13:47:31

PLEASE don't fucking bump it panda. It's a joke and all the things you've said have been suggested. Did you not see that it took a whole new fucking persona? One which ridiculed me??? Leave it alone.

TandB Sun 10-Mar-13 13:50:04

Er, I did all those things. Was that not obvious?

[backs slowly away from thread]

MrsMushroom Sun 10-Mar-13 13:52:09

YES it was! But the thread needs to go away. it's been a nasty one. I wont post again and would be glad if others did not.

MrsSham Sun 10-Mar-13 14:18:53

No one is ridiculing you it has simply just taken a humorous turn at no ones expense.

fromparistoberlin Sun 10-Mar-13 22:29:26


DS first big party and from school ZERO texts back, admittedly only invited five. but still!

will stop sressing, its clearly the norm!!!!

Maryz Sun 10-Mar-13 23:16:50

It hasn't been nasty.

In some places it has been quite funny, and fairly supportive, as well as very reasonable.

I am howling at Kungfu - that's the type of thing I used to do with ds2's parties. I had a friend whose eldest was in ds2's class, and she used to remind me about parties and school events, because by the time I got to ds2 (child 3) they just seemed so unimportant blush.

How those people on 16 kids and counting manage school parties, I have no idea.

FlorenceMattell Fri 05-Apr-13 17:44:33

Parents do not reply to their children's invite because:
1 They are too plain selfish to put their children first.
2. They can find time to log on to mumsnet and write tons of crap yet cant send a one line text, or email, or note on a cereal packet.
3. Good parents teach their children good manners by example, these types of people are not capable of that.
4 Foget the excuses dont care if you have got terminal cancer and the roof is falling in it is all bullshit. YOU ARe JUST PLAIN RUDE!!!!!!!!!!
5 Dont worry most people suss who you are very quickly and dont invite your child more than once,

redwallday Fri 05-Apr-13 17:58:13

Because people have busy lives and forget! I rang one person the day before and she confirmed she was coming but they had all had flu last week and she totally forgot to text.

cherrypez Fri 05-Apr-13 18:04:28

Florence, what the actual fuck? Take your terminal cancer comment and fuck right off...if ever a comment was OTT and completely deranged you just made it. Seething!!!

FlorenceMattell Fri 05-Apr-13 18:12:08

Busy lives are an excuse - they are rude! We are talking about something that takes 30 seconds. The truth is people are becoming more and more selfish. Life has always been busy; we have hundred ways to communicate nowadays, so not replying is in the main just plain selfish. Yes I will accept that occasionally people do forget but mainly it is people being selfish. And yes this is old thread, but OP didn’t deserve the abuse she received.

cherrypez Fri 05-Apr-13 18:15:59

Yes, I agree with you to an extent, it takes seconds to RSVP, but to people who have lost a loved one to the 'terminal cancer' you so flippantly refer to in order to make your point, it just makes them think you're an arsehole and your point is lost. Seriously, don't go round saying things like that in rl. Sheesh.

FlorenceMattell Fri 05-Apr-13 18:24:30

Cherry even people who are ill can text, I know that for a fact takes 30 seconds. I had a friend die young and she taught her children good manners right to the end. So no I will not retract it. I have every sympathy with people with cancer is very close to home at the moment. Was using it as the one of the worst kind of personal traumas, but does not stop someone replying to an invite. “No x cannot come to X”. How long does it take to say that, answer phone, text it, email it, writing it on a note for the book bag, speak to the mother. In replying parents are teaching their children by example. If you were invited to something at work, would you simply not reply?

cherrypez Fri 05-Apr-13 18:29:52

I'm agreeing with your point, Florence, you don't need to persuade me on that, I just can't be ok with anybody using cancer in a flippant way to prove a point. I'm a teacher, I spend half my life bemoaning the manners of others, but cannot get worked up about it enough to be that offensive.

cherrypez Fri 05-Apr-13 18:33:36

And actually (getting quite upset now) when you are terminally ill and unable to toilet and feed yourself and communicate with or recognise your loved ones a text isn't really a priority either. Withdrawing from this now. Pride yourself on manners? Consider what might offend others before you speak, please. Even a child can do that, too.

FlorenceMattell Fri 05-Apr-13 18:44:19

Was trying to make the point that even the worse illness is no excuse for rudeness. Cancer is not a taboo subject ;just part of life like many other illnesses.

Floggingmolly Fri 05-Apr-13 19:01:17

One of the mums from school had a weird experience recently. She sent all the invites by text; but (copying from the year groups spreadsheet) accidentally texted someone from the other Year 1 class, that her ds barely knows.
Despite the text reading for example Hi Jane, John is invited to ........,
and her name being Penny, mother of Peter - she turned up at the party, and was completely unfazed when her ds was unsurprisingly not on the prepaid guest list.
There are some right weirdos out there.

FacebookWanker Tue 19-Nov-13 21:26:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FacebookWanker Tue 19-Nov-13 21:30:23

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