To wonder why some people don't RSVP to DC parties?(311 Posts)
I can't fathom it really. Out of 28 DC in DDs class, 22 have responded with thank you we'd love to come...one has let me know they will be away that weekend and 5 have not responded at all!
I see one of the Mothers sometimes....what's the deal?? Obviously we can't go to ALL the parties ALL the time and I'm happy with 22 that are attending...but I don't know how many bleddy party bags to make now! I'll have to make the extra 5 incase these children turn up won't I?
I could assume 2 for example lost invitations....but surely no more than that? It's such bad form!
23 out of 28??? You're doing well! Seriously.
But WHY? Molly? Why don't people respond? Everyone has a phone these days...I added my number...text me fgs!
I just can't get into their heads..."Oh here's an invitation to MissMushroom's party...feck that...I'll just ignore it!"
None of the offenders will come on a thread like this will they? All the Mnrs who are like this will think "Uh oh..that's me!"
I think some people like to leave their options open until the last minute, v rude IMO.
If you see one of the mothers, why on earth don't you ask her if her child can come?
Invitations get lost in school or in school bags, and some people are disorganised or forgetful, which can be rude or annoying, (but those flakey people may have good hearts in spite of their flakeyness).
If I don't reply, it means either
(1) I didn't get the invitation, so for example DS1 didn't put it in his bookbag.
(2) we lost it between school and home and I forgot.
(3) I genuinely don't know whether or not he can / would like to come.
If (3) I would usually contact you to ask when you need to know by.
I don't think it's unfair to chivvy them. Say you need to know final numbers for catering/venue/party bags etc preferably by tomorrow, so after that you will have to assume it's a no.
I'd love to know why this is too. I had 10 who didn't reply for DS's party, some of whom then turned up. It's a massive pain in the arse having to cater for guests who may or may not be there.
Agree that invites get lost.
We once believed that DS1 was the only child not invited to a class members party. Thought he must have some how unwittingly upset the child.
Then a couple of days before, the mother asked, via the teacher, if DS was coming as we hadn't replied. As far as we could make out, someone else had probably ended up with 2 invites and it hadn't got to DS.
Please do ask the parents, either directly or via the school if possible. They might be feeling left like us!
I have sent out 'save that date' invitations and then RSVP slips (you just have to tick the sodding box!) and still been wondering on the day! This was in a place where the cost was per head and bloody expensive too. I was so pissed off. Next year its going to be different
22 out of 38 is really good!
am in the sane situation, party planned for a weeks time, asked for replies by last Friday, still 5 people not responded.
have chased them all and still not heard back from 2 so they are off the list.
It is rude, but it could be a simple case of forgetfulness.
a gentle nudge is required!
It is a keeping options open thing, sadly. It's extremely rude, but usually you have to chase the non responders in person, who will look startled at having to actually commit before the morning of the party, and then agree to come whether they intend to or not.
I won't even venture into the turning up with three siblings scenario...
I had only one non responder out of 28 - when I saw the mum I just politely asked her if she had received the invitation - and she was completely unaware - her son had left invite in drawer at school.
I'm sure there are some rude people out there (last year two kids who said they were coming, didnt turn up - there parents didn't even apologise when I next saw them) - but I think you have to assume non responders are just blissfully unaware of the party due to child losing/forgetting invitation.
I've had that child who comes home on Friday waving an invite saying "can I go... it's tonight" having left it in the tray for 3 weeks.
I usually try and reply straight away otherwise I forget. So people usually say how organised I am. But I know I'm not which is why I have to do it straight away.
It is very annoying. I had tow mums texting me on the MORNING of the party to say "sorry can't make it" (well yes, I didn't have them on the list by that stage), and also one child who hadn't replied, turn up. I kindly told the mum "I am so pleased xxx came, I hadnt heard back from you so wasn't expecting him", she was very apologetic and seemd to have genuinely thought she had replied (working full time mu with three children, very busy).
I assume that they haven't seen the invite and ask them when I see them in the playground. I've had people mess me about even then though, by telling me that they're not sure and will let me know later, and then not letting me know even though they see me every day. Then I scream WHY? at the heavens.
Horry...how can you not know what your child is doing? That smacks of keeping your options open...genuinely not knowing if a child of 4 is free is rubbish. One mum was polite enough to tell me her DD might be 10 minutes late as she has a class to attend...I thought that was very nice.
most would not bother to mention it.
These are reception children and they all came out on the day I brought them in...with invitations in hand as the teacher handed them out as they left.
One child standing near me opened her bag and showed me hers only to reveal that she also had a little boy's in there...I took it and gave it to the teacher.
I suppose that could have happened.
I haven't asked the Mum that I see because she's a bit snooty...a Queen Bee type.
I will ask the teacher if they all got out ok. Don't people stick them on the fridge to jog their memory? that's what I do.
DS had a party last week. 22 invites given out by half term...13 replied yes during half term. 2 more replied on the Monday. I then sent out a further 10 invites and got 4 yes replies, then two more within 24h of the party. Then 2 more turned up completely unannounced...one of them halfway through said party ... stressful much?!
sounds right. We invited 9. Have 3 replies. Poor dd. It will be a very small party. She doesnt know yet
DS cleared his drawer at school out last week, he brought home about 20 unopened Christmas cards and a couple of party invitations (one from last October)!
Ask the parents, they may not have received the invite.
I think thats doing well too!
I just had DS1's party yesterday.
I had 3 no responders out of 30 so 10% not too bad. Of those 3 no responders, one of them turned up. Its no biggy although it is annoying. I made enough party bags for all. You just have to assume that parents forget about it/lost or didnt get the invite/or simply can't be ar*ed.
Or you chase them, they say yes please and then the fuckers don't turn up. We paid a fortune for dd's party last week and because it was expensive we had to limit the guest list. We could have invited someone who absolutely would have turned up if she'd just said bloody no when I asked.
I didn't RSVP to one recently as it said 'RSVP to x's parents in the playground' I have no idea who x or their parents are.
For my sons first party I found it all very stressful, I think I expected everyone to respond straight away but I quickly found out people leave it right until the last minute and then some just forget or some parents had never seen the invite because it got lost etc. So I had a lot of chasing up to do via text or face to face. Now I put a RSVP deadline on the invitation and that seems to help a bit. My son is nearly six so think goodness the parties are starting to phase out a bit now, they used to take up nearly every weekend!
All sorts of reasons i suppose. Personally i hate planning anything too far in advance.
I recently had to tell a parent that i wasn't sure if ds would make it for 3 reasons.
Firstly the car was in the garage and the party was out of town and i wasn't sure if i'd have it back in time, secondly ds had a bad cough and i didn't know if he'd be well enough to go and thirdly i don't know what days i'm working till the week before. I wasn't being selfish or 'keeping my options open', i just didn't know whether or not we'd make it.
I do get that it's a pain though when you're organizing a party, i had several non replies last year. I just make up the party bags anyway and if they don't turn up just keep them for the following year or put in with birthday presents etc. throughout the year.
Drives me up the wall too with the lack of responses.
I sent ds in with a list of names and a second "you have not responded" note which increased the responses to his party. They all turned up.
Best bit is when there are no responses and then they turn up. How rude.
I was quite late responding to one recently, because I looked at the date and time and thought "Ah, DH needs to be in X place and I need to be in Y place at that time... but I know DD would like to go... hmm, I wonder if there's any way I can make it work..." and continued to vaguely mull over possibilities until a week before the party when I concluded that it just wasn't going to work and sent our regrets.
When DS was little I found that the numbers of "said yes but didn't turn up" more-or-less equalled the numbers of "didn't respond but turned up anyway", which was helpful.
These days I invite by email (I have emails for parents or nannies of everyone in the DCs' classes) and that has increased response rate significantly.
I agree with people who have said you should follow up with the parent. My ds aged 5 is prime offender (and therefore I am one of those parents!) - example just a couple of weeks ago. Ds - 'when are we going to X's party?' me - 'what do you mean, I don't know about X's party?'
Ds - I got an invitation from him though
Me - ds, where did you put the invitation then?
Ds - in my drawer at school
Cue getting the invite out his drawer on the Monday, to find the party had taken place on the Saturday...
Of course I spoke to the mum on the tues and apologised profusely. Have also had other incident where parent text 'is ds coming to party?' and I hasn't found an invite, turns out had gone into someone else's bag.
Yes, most of the time when I get chased it's about an invitation that I've never actually seen.
My daughter suffers with an anxiety. She is fine with her friends at parties now but when she was in nursery and reception she wanted to go but would back out. I'm afraid I'm guilty of keeping her options open a few times. I only did that for the parties in a community hall where they were not charged per child.
Had I known the parents I would have spoken to them, but as I rarely collected my DD due to work, I couldn't.
Now that DD is much more confident at school we reply to invitations and she does attend.
I did feel bad during her time at nursery and reception. I'm sure most parents just thought we were rude.
It's really annoying when you have to let the venue (playgym) etc a few days before the party and pay per head and have no idea of numbers even if you put a RSVP date on the invite. I've also paid in advance for a child to come and then they don't show up. I know this can't always be avoided but a text/phone call wouldn't go amiss! Grrrr. One of the bonuses of your child getting a bit older is not having the dratted party invites to contend with. I did love doing party bags though.
I said sometimes (and it is rare) we aren't sure if he can go.
Examples would include when DH was working overseas a lot at short notice, and we didn't know if he would be back. Or if it's a child I've never heard of, and I'm trying to gauge if it's a duty invite or if they are genuinely friends.
Or, bluntly, at the wrong end of the month when I don't know if the budget will stretch far enough (like the month the car cost over £1000 in repairs).
But I do say "I can't let you know now; do you want to consider us a no or can I get back to you next week?"
Wish I'd seen this thread a few weeks ago as I thought the poor response was due to no-one liking me/DC! Reception party, 24 invites (whole class - teacher handed the invites out at end of school day). 17 reponses that they would come (but many of the responses in the few days before the party). Two declines and 5 people never responded at all. One child who I hadn't heard from turned up. Fortunately I had enough party bags so didn't say anything.
I can not imagine not replying promptly to an invitation - it's so rude!
I think this is one of those issues that hi-lights how different MN is from rest of RL.
It's pretty obvious that most people think they only need to RSVP if answer is yes. They can sound almost confused if you RSVP "No", as if they are thinking "Why did you bother to tell met that?!"
Strange but true.
Planning DDs party now and can pretty much guess who I'll be chasing (serial non-responders). Aargh!
lljkk I never thought of that. It's true that some people
ignoramuses might think they only need to RSVP if they are attending.
Also...when people texted to accept, I texted back to say thank you for letting me know. Whereas when I text people to accept, I've never had a response and often wondered if they got my message!
Always check, because invitations DO go astray a lot.
I remember when DS was in Y2, one of his friends had a party.
I thought DS hadn't been invited, and was mildly offended on his behalf, but didn't say anything (obviously).
The party child's mum thought I was being rude in not replying, but she didn't say anything; she then thought I was doubly rude by just not showing up.
Then the birthday child was all upset because DS wasn't at the party.
The invitation showed up two weeks later, screwed up in DS's tray.....<sigh>
If the mum had spoken to me, the whole thing would have been avoided.
What cointreau said, which is also what I and others said earlier. Please don't just assume no responses are just so rude unless you have followed up - with young age kids the above happens all the time!
Follow them up. I sent out a reminder to those we hadn't heard from (5 out of 32) and 3 had genuinely forgotten, 1 had thought she had declined and the remaining one had sent a reply in good time, but to the wrong number.
Second the wrong number thing - I've done that - if it's a text to a new number I might not notice:
Dd2 is having a party on Saturday. She's only 3, so we've not invited that many, we're trying to only pay for the minimum of 10dc. We've invited 10, so I need one of them to not come so dd2 is included in the 10 we pay for. So far we've had 3 replies. I don't want to be paying for 10 if there are only 3 kids coming!! That would be very sad for dd, as well as an incredibly expensive party per head.
I am an offender, though I always do reply, just late. It's either because I'm not sure or else just disorganised.
Cream but as I said, the invitations were given out as DC left the building and went to parent's and caregivers...so. The responsibility lies with them..not the dc.
Except that at least one that you know of had made it into another child's bag, from what you said before.
24 out of 25 replied to DD's recent party which I thought was excellent. However I did get DD to badger the last few to remind their parents!
However, my mum picks up DD one day a week from school and I found an invitation in the back of her car for a party on the next day. DD reckons they were given out a few weeks before. I rang to say sorry but just wanted to say that not all invitations make it home so its not always that people are being rude. Sadly she coudn't go as we thought we were free so had planned to visit friends, so she learnt her lesson about leaving things in grannies car!
Am marking place here as in this situation at minute and don't know how to handle it! First party for us so this is a whole new world to me!!!!
Steben how many did you ask? And when did you send them?
Text them asking them to reply. Some people's lifes are too hectic to know whether they coming...
I am an offender, too busy, disorganised etc etc i usually reply but late, it's not personal I do everything last minute!
DS1 is 19 now, so it's been a while and I have it all to look forward to with DS3. Anyway, I used to invite the whole class, make up a party bag for everyone, then take the uncollected ones in to school to be given to those who didn't/couldn't make it on the Monday so that a) that no child felt left out and b) those parents who just couldn't be bothered were shamed, by my kindly thoughtfulness, in to being less tardy in future!
Green but it IS personal you see. You put other people out by being selfish. It is selfish to say "Oh Im busy"
We are ALL frigging busy! I'm busy, I am on a budget too and don't want to waste money on party bags for children who may not come.
You should make an effort to reply to people who have asked your DC to a party.
Misfit that's a good idea...I'll do that I think. Better than shoving them in the back of a cupboard to gather dust!
Just plain rude...
My twin sons party is this Sunday, out of 55 invites, 45 had replied by RSVP date on invitation (I did expect that some would decline with it being Mothers day) but 10 didn't bother to reply at all.
I sent another note in for book bags of those 10 asking for a quick text either way... only 4 replied! How long does it take to send a quick text to accept/decline an invitation.
Ah ok mushroom sorry should have read more carefully- in that case yes, is rude for them not to reply at all. If you are feeling brave though - could try a follow up with any you know how to contact, or ask do to remind invited child? Better than nothing I guess?
I paid for dd to have her party at soft play. I had to pay for a certian number of kids and two didn't turn up - they hadn't replied. I didn't want to not pay for them just in case they just turned up. I wouldn't have minded one bit if they had texted, called, stopped me at school, sent a note to say that their child could not come but to not reply is just rude.
yanbu at all this makes me quite as do the parents who do rsvp but after the date you asked them to.
Its not that hard to let people know ffs.
DS used to triage invites before I even got to see them, so if he didn't want to go, he wouldn't bring them home from school and left them in his tray which makes it difficult to let the organiser know. Pain in the neck really.
Bigwuss in reception?? If that's true, your DS is pretty advanced socially. Most 4 and 5 year old's don't care whose the party is...they just hear "Party!" and get thrilled. If my child did that, they'd get a strong talking to about manners.
At our school the huge majority don't bother to reply to invitations. Some then show up anyway, and some who've said they'll come don't bother. In the past I've prepared a few spare party bags, but really I think that with most not responding you may as well just prepare party bags for those who have RSVP'ed. I even spell out on the invitation why I would like people to reply if they are able to make it (as in knowing how much food and how many party bags to bring) (so if they don't reply I assume they are not coming). One poor boy invited just 2 best friends to a theme park for his birthday. Then without any warning one of them just didn't bother to turn up on the day.
Flaky rude forgetful people! even had one of ds's non-responders turn up claiming they were invited!
We sent 13 invitations in to school last Thursday. So far not one response. I keep checking my phone. Looks like I'm going to have to start grabbing parents at the gate and ask them direct.
Last year we had 5 invited at home. 2 responded, all 5 turned up.
Naturally your DC's party is very important to you. To those other parents it's one other small thing. They may not have had the invitation. They may not have had a chance to discuss the juggling that will need to be done with their partner. Their DC may need to make a decision , eg, recently DS had to choose between a party and a rugby festival. All sorts of things may have happened.
Just set a date for the RSVP, a little earlier than you actually need, and politely phone or text around the ones you haven't heard from.
I'm so tempted to say "Get over yourself!"
I'm sure there is an element of parent not getting invite, however at DS1's recent party I had about 5 non responders and 2 of them said something after the party along the lines of 'oops we didn't RSVP did we'.
The other thing is my son always knows when there are party invites in the trays as he is excited and can't wait to open them so I can't ever imagine missing one.
I will be older and wiser with DS2 parties!
Sanity but part of being a community and a parent is to be kind to one another and place oneself in other's shoes from time to time.
I know my child's party is important to me...same when DDs get invitations...THEIR party is a major event to THEM so I am thoughtful and respond. Others should be the same.
I should add this is DC two...I'm not PFB at all. I just can't stand people who don't think of others in small ways.
Do as you would be done by is a good saying.
Of course we know that to other parents it's only a small thing... it's still rude to just not reply though.
That's right Awomans. It's selfish and rude and you can bet those parents would be the loudest complainers when it happens to them. Because their needs come first.
maybe a minority of people have a lot on their plate?
I really do not get this braying forceful nature from people who are organising a fun event
Yes MrsMushroom - It wouldn't occur to me to just not respond with a yay or nay.
and I have most probably not replied to rather a lot but we have a chaotic life, not through choice but by having severely disabled child and whatever life throws our way wrt to that
we have most probably lost friends by being 'selfish and rude'
I'm a single parent who spends 12 hours a day out of the house during the week. I have a stressful job. DS has a million and one after school activities. I still always reply to invites on time, even if it's a no. It's easy- I just leave it out on my desk so I know I need to deal with it, as i do with all paperwork. If it's complete, I file it away. Sending a text on time is not a big ask.
There are always some who don't RSVP, this year I got one kid whose name was not on the list who turned up! DS had either given out the invitation meant to be posted to friend who is not local or somehow came upon the invitation another boy lost. I made the mistake of not writing the names on the invitations! If only the Mum of the boy not invited had RSVPed. Apparently, according to DS, she wasn't sure if he could go or not as she didn't know who I was .
I am also a guilty party though, we had one invitation which was a trendy postcode style thing which I mistook for some advertising promotion and didn't realise who it was for. I have also RSVPed and turned up a week too late! Had another hand made invitation last year for something like a party on Tuesday 25th of whatever when the 25th was not a Tuesday, I was wondering if the child had made up a party and told DS I couldn't reply until I knew for sure when it was.
Last party we threw needed to know numbers as paying per head - wasn't sure on numbers thanks to non RSVPing.
So went round and asked parents - god they were off with me and then got to the mother who nearly decked me for daring to ask - apparently I should have known DC Dad had the DC that weekend - I don't know these people.
Another grandparent has a go at DD1, reducing her to tears, because her GC was asked if she was coming by DD1 - got upset as she didn't know which DD1 fault was apparently.
It was a nice location with fun activity - and parents were free to stay or go as they chose.
I think it a mixture of disorganisation, not realising a reply of some sort is expected, and some parents think that there DC are so fantastic it is some kind of honour for you to spend 2 hours and loads on money on them to have their presence.
For ds1, I replied to everything immediately and he went to everything.
For dd, I did my best and she went to most things.
By the time ds2 came along, all party invitations had to depend on whether ds1 had a rugby match (and when he was older whether he had a match), or dd had a brownie event, or I was doing volunteer work, and dh was coaching a sport, and whether or not the older two had been invited to anything that day, and whether or not we had two cars available for transport, or whether his best friend was going and I could cadge a lift for him .....
So any invite arrived three weeks in advance was a "don't know". I could only usually say about two days before.
It isn't selfish or rude - it's having too many balls in the air and too many children.
Horry...how can you not know what your child is doing? That smacks of keeping your options open...genuinely not knowing if a child of 4 is free is rubbish.
It's not always 'rubbish'. Some separated parents for example may not know off the tops of their heads whose weekend/evening it is for access...due to work shifts or other contact problems.
Having said that, a simple "I'm sorry I don't know right now...I'll find out" would be polite.
When did you send the invites out?
Having said that, if it was a venue, I would ring and say I'm not sure - if you need to know better make it a "no".
And of course, as the children get older and play sports what do you do? Do you refuse every three-week-in-advance-invitation in case there is a match on, or do you accept them and let the team down by not turning up for a match?
I never worked out the answer to that one.
It takes a couple of minutes to let someone know if you can or can't attend. If you aren't sure, then at least do them the courtesy of saying you won't know until a certain date (and then do actually let them know) so they can plan accordingly.
And whatever you do, don't expect the teacher to chase up invitations for you!
Maryz I don't know...in our school there's a lot of helping one another out. You take my DD to ballet with yours and next week, your DD can come to mine before brownies type of thing....lifts and babysitting for a few hours are common.
But I won't be chasing them up. Bugger them, if they come they come and that's fine.
By the way, I'm not excusing the lack of replies, I'm explaining it. It is definitely rude - and I knew it was rude even as I was doing it.
It's just that when my three were about 9, 7 and 5 a party invitation was about as welcome (to me) as a bag of cold sick. The kids loved them, but my thought was always "oh, shit, how am I going to fit that in".
I was always a curmudgeonly old bugger
23 out of 28 is fabulous. I have 0 out of 13 & I'm supposed to be paying per child as its an activity party thing. Arrrgggghhhhh
Fuzzy when is your party and when did the invitations go out?
Party is Sunday, invites sent out last week Monday with my phone number all over it plus a detachable tear off bit on the invite to RSVP.
They'll all turn up I bet.
I may not!
I have found one of the most effective tools for getting people to respond is to send your dc in with a list of who needs to reply and then get them to ask their friend to ask their mum to contact - providing
yet another slip of paper with all the details on.
However, I tell dc that I need to know tonight because tomorrow I am going out to buy the contents of the party bags and if they haven't let me know then I won't be able to sort out a party bag for them.
Obviously I am not quite such a meanie and I do usually get party bags sorted for all those who reply.
However - the dc and non-responders do not know this and like all primary children are absurdly infatuated with party bags. Therefore they all rush home and badger their parents something rotten to make sure that they contact me asap.
Definitely worth a try!
One of DD's parties at nursery- several mums had not replied. I saw one on the stairs...she added my number to her phone said she would confirm later.
Silence. Did she forget completely in the next hour?
Parents who do not RSVP are rude.
I am having the same problem. Invites have been out for 2 wks, party is on Sunday and still 10 non replies, it's a nursery class and parents all received the invites, I'm going to have to ask them all today so I can organise food and party bags,
I have to say I haven't always been the fastest at replying to party invites but now I realise how important it is . I do think parents must only reply if it's a yes, grrr!
I always text as soon as we get the invite. One parent at school who never replies made me smile. Her Dd never had a party before. She had one for her 10th and the Mum was moaning about people not replying. My Dd has had 7 parties since knowing this girl and the Mum has never rsvp`d. I just smiled and said yes I`ve had that a lot it is annoying.
ds was 11 last birthday. I didn't know who he had even invited and no-one replied from what i can gather. My house was just beckoned on by 11 yr old gangly boys who ran riot and wrecked his bedroom
Does that not tell you anything about the merits of RSVPing, Owllady?
11 year old boys are not the same as 4 year olds. 11 year olds can arrange things via their mobiles these days. Most kids in the first year of high school have them.
What do you include as methods of replying?
Automated website which lists those invited along with status of if they are coming, not coming, no reply?
I try to email my boss details of parties the children are invited to, then my boss will reply via whatever method is convienent, email i suspect as that can be sent at any time of day/night.
How hard is it to text NannyNick? Even when I had no mobile, I used to just use the landline to leave a voice mail! Even high flying business people can take a second to reply.
I put email, landline and mobile number. And have done a RSVP slip too, and still rubbish responses. I thought it was a cultural thing!
So, you want them to be polite to you, and ensure that they respond, but you can't be kind to them and cut them some slack for not doing so?
I do agree that it's a bit frustrating. But is it worth all this navel gazing?
No, its a pain in the backside if you have pre-booked somewhere - and prepaid - and people can't be bothered to give you a yay or nay.
Sanity why should I be kind to them! Ive BEEN kind in inviting their children to a party ffs.
ALl I wanted was to know if they could come or not. That's not navel gazing. I'm not all sad about it....I just think it's rude.
I think people just forget. I don't mind that too much as I just chase people up (and I always have to chase up a few), it's when you ask people if they are coming or not and they say "I'm not sure, might be doing so and so." So I am then none the wiser. That is really annoying!
Sanity I take it you tend to forget to reply to party invitations!
And what I'm saying is, yes, it's a little rude, but not a big deal.
FWIW, I had a party in February for DS (9yo). I invited his whole class of 24 boys. Most people responded promptly, but those that didn't, I texted. I had asked for meal choices, and I had to remind quite a few of the parents who had RSVPed that I hadn't yet had their meal choices. So I had to do quite a bit of chasing up.
But, the fact is, I did it all because I wanted DS to have a nice party. I wanted it to run smoothly, for my own sake, so I wouldn't be stressed about it. So that little extra work that I had to do, was for me more than for the other parents, or their sons.
No, Donder, I don't. I always try to respond promptly. I think it's polite.
However, sometimes my DC haven't brought the invitation home, and I haven't known about it. Other times, I have had to check what we are doing first - I gave an example up thread of needing to discuss with DS whether he would go to the party or to a rugby festival. (A tricky one, because it involved loyalty to a team, and loyalty to a friend. So not a decision to be mde lightly bu a 9yo.)
I can empathise with both the inviters and the non-responders, and I can't see why others can't, as well.
well yes Floggingmolly it was mayhem. I didn't know who half of them were!
depends when the party is, I think if you still have a week to go, that's plenty of time to still reply
our invitations usually have a rsvp by date. did yours have that?
I do know a mum who recently said she never bothers to reply if she's not going, she figures she doesn't know the children or the parents and they won't care if her dc not going. She's a bit flakey
But that's not really the point, it's just a courtesy to let parents know
Definitely think it's worth chasing, I had one good friend who thought it was the next month, just got a bit confused!
It is very rude. Inevitably some people will forget, which is excusable. But to just 'not bother' is not on at all.
To be honest, it's never really happened to me. But we've tended to have smaller parties and I know all the parents, so I just ask them if we've not heard.
I highly recommend e-mailing invites (possibly accompanied by a later paper invite for the sake of the children) as it seems to be by far the easiest why for people to RSVP as they just have to press 'reply'.
You're not doing too badly to be honest compared to others I've heard about. I would chase at this point. Annoying, I know, but so be it.
I had to ask a mum once if her ds was coming as he seems to have an allergy to everything. I asked her on the Friday as I was going shopping bt RSVP had been for the Wednesday. I was very polite in saying I have been waiting to shop just incase ds could come!! He turned up with epi pen etc and she didnt even pop in to see if I was happy using it! He also brought his friend with him!! cheeky sod. He wasnt invited last year!!
One of my DDS has a party next week. Out of 19 6 still haven't replied. I honestly didn't have this problem with my older child, everyone replied promptly!
Her year are really bad for this and the parents need chasing up.
I don't reply sometimes, I hope everyone thinks I am incredibly rude maybe then all the false playground friends will fuck off and leave me alone and not invite my children to their parties so that I can have just one weekend where we can do whatever the hell we like without having to turn up at a shitty party for a pfb that no one cares about.
Is that at all helpful?
Some people missing the point here... the issue is not about whether or not you want to go to the shitty party, but that you show some courtesy and reply to an invitation your child has been given.
Jacqueline. I'm sure all the invitations for your kids will dry up very soon!
Indeed, Donder. A quick "fuck off with your invites, you shower of bastards" and bingo, your weekends are your own again . Let's hope they do it right back when they receive one from you, Jacqueline
Oooh quick call the police it looks as though someone has had their sense of humour stolen!
FYI the DCs (7, 7 and 5) are constantly invited to parties, all attempts at rudeness have failed. I am nothing but persistant though so fingers crossed you are all right and it will pay off soon.
Oh and I never have and never will do a ridiculous party for any of the DCs, they invite only true friends home and go to their true friends houses/parties quite often.
I personally think that popularity contests and one up manship parties and more rude and breed more bad manners than forgetting to every now and again answer one of 6 billion invites.
Obviously this is just my opinion and I expect none of you to agree with it!
I haven't replied to two invites (that i know off)
1-dd was going to change schools the next week, the invite was from her 'best friend' who was very mean to her, I didnt want a refusal to give more ammunition to the girl to be mean to her about the whole 'your not coming to my party' thing,' we thought it would be better for dd o quietly change schools
2-dd loves writing notes to her friends they then write notes back, i totally missed a party invite in her book bag because the child had written her name on envelope and i had dismissed it as a reply to a little card she had made a few days before
I am always overjoyed when DCs get an invite to a party. It proves someone likes them
me and I cannot wait to RSVP. People are ignorant.
Jaqueline she's not a PFB and you're probably the person everyone talks about behind her back.
Mrsmushroom - 20 invites went out last week for party in 2 weeks - so far 12 responded however I did not put reply by date on them which would appear to be an error! Don't have other parents numbers to chase so may put a reminder note out. Really need to know as want to invite extras if those who have not responded are not coming!
I have a very very busy life and lots of children. I'm also a single parent. I'm working crazy hours at the moment and small children aren't reliable.
It's impossible for me to know - if an invite comes through for my ex's weekend I'll pass the invite to him but he's rubbish at responding. That's not my fault. Nor my responsibility.
Children from 20's to pre-teens means I have a lot to remember, I'm not perfect sometimes I forget.
I also have business trips away, sick parents, an alcoholic brother, friend needing a lot of support due to a stillbirth, upcoming gynae surgery (again) and other surgery on my knee (again).
A party invitation might slip my mind.
This type of OP that doesn't acknowledge in any way shape or form that your child's birthday party might not be top of someone else's list of priorities, that people are human and forget and that small children aren't reliable really gets right on my tits.
Coffee with all due respect, it takes a minute to send a text. I could list my enormous list of responsibilities, health problems, worries and dependents on here and say how I always respond to all invitations...but that would be martyr like imo.
People who imagine their problems to be the be all and end all get right on my tits.
You really don't get it do you? Your child's birthday party might slip my mind given that I am busy. It's important to you, but to me it's just a minor thing.
Also, if I send the email to my ex then I can't reply for him can I?
I don't always respond straight away and when I have a lot of other things on my mind then a party invitation might easily slip my mind. When it's your own child's party then it is high on your priority list, when it's the 20th you've had that year and you have other important things going on, are not sure whether your child is free that day without checking, it's not quite so high on your priorities.
I completely understand why people don't always reply. It doesn't mean it doesn't annoy me when I'm organising a party, but I do understand why other people don't see replying to me as a high priority.
it takes a minute to send a text.
You obviously haven't seen how slowly I text.
I think I need to take a few lessons from Jac-Hyde, I rsvp to every one of the very few invites DC receive. Obviously I'm going about it all wrong.
Hahahahaha MrsMushroom with an attitude like yours (and obviously no sense of humour) I'm surprised you have had as many replies as you have.
You are obviously one of the Mums in the playground that loves to stand around having a good bitch about anyone and everyone that doesn't fit into your idea of perfect.
Oh and you must get right on your own tits as you clearly believe your problem about party invites is the be all and end all. That must be very annoying for you, do you tell yourself off in the mirror every morning or do you just bitch about yourself to your playground pals
jaqueline you are awful but I like you
Jaqueline the majority of posters are right beside me in hating bad manners. You' come across as a really awful person tbh. I do hope you suck some joy out of your empty days.
Usually I reply to invites but sometimes I forget. Usually people reply to my children's invites but sometimes they forget. It's life!
I do tend to assume that the sort of people who get so het up over non-replies that they feel the need to moan on an internet forum are probably fortunate enough not to have a clue how difficult other people's lives can be.
Mwhahahahaha I am a death eater and Lord Voldemort is my master. I shall suck the life out of everything Mwhahahahha.......
On the up side, I have a sense of humour and don't feel the need to
bitch talk about other mothers behind their backs in the playground and obsess about a silly little birthday party whilst belittling anyone who dares suggest they have real problems.
Oh and empty days yes bloody please, but with an MA to finish studying, 3 dcs (4th due in 6 weeks) to organise and full time work (although I'm on maternity leave now) empty days are just a distant dream.
Now back to my joy sucking duties, misery, misery, misery, dull, empty dayed misery...woe is me <sob, sob>....Actually I forgot ...I don't give a fuck and I'm perfectly happy
Jacqueline - you sound like you have a huge chip on your shoulder! Did you not get invited to parties when you were young and now taking it out on your children? It's nothing to do with PFB or one upmanship, it's about children being excited about having their friends to a party where they can be centre of attention for once, where memories are made and you get to enjoy watching your child having fun with their friends.
OP - I would echo what others have said here, we have a party on Monday, 2 non replies so I texted both. One had not got invitation, still in tray at school from before half term and the other (a renowned turn up on the day parent) responded straight away with "she'd love to!" so don't be afraid to chase people.
Well said permanently and far more elequently put than anything I have written so far, but I am a mere death eater so not much more could be expected of me.
Does it depend on where you live maybe? No one ever replies where I live (I do!) but people do turn up. It's a bit random though - sometimes you have 30 children, sometimes 2. No idea why.
yum as one of 7 children birthday parties and friends coming round were a constant part of my childhood, mayhem sometimes but I loved it.
My dcs are part of a group of 13 cousins (so far) all under 11 years old and so they too are lucky ebough to be surrounded by friends and parties.
Thanks for asking you just made me really happy realising how bloody lucky I was and my children are to have this kind of childhood. Family and real friends...nothing better. Thanks again
My child is 4....she's got lots of friends but at this age, it's kind to ask all the children as their friendships are fluid and some of them don't get asked to any of the smaller more exclusive parties.
I'm glad your DC have happy childhoods Jaqueline....mine do too but lots don't make friends easily so rather than indulging in "oneupmanship" I am simply sharing the love.
Something you'd do well to consider.
I have never posted on here in any detail about my family situation and my life. I am so glad I had name changed as I'll change back to my usual name right as soon as I post this and I won't post on this thread again.
MrsMushroom, firstly, my child might leave an invite in her tray. Sorry about that. If I don't know about the party I can't respond. Secondly, the invite might fall on a time that she is at her dad's. I will always pass the invite to him and text him the details. If he doesn't reply, that's not my problem.
Now, my life. I have a lot of things going on and with all of these things going on sometimes party invitations aren't really at the top of my list in my head. I'm going to set them out here and you can decide if they meet some sort of standard where I might be allowed to have things slip my mind.
I have five children ranging in age from 23 to 11. I work for myself and I am a single parent. It's a very busy house with after school activities, music practice and the like. Probably doesn't meet your standard of being allowed to forget.
My eldest child has a benign tumour in his brain which won't just fuck off. He lives away from home in the city where he went to university and I worry that he's not attending to his care and medications properly. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.
My parents are very elderly. My father has bladder cancer and my mother has skin cancer and early stages of dementia, as well as other physical issues. I am their sole carer. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.
One of my middle children has a problem with her joints and attends the children's hospital. She is due to have yet another operation in a few weeks. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.
My brother is an alcoholic and regularly turns up at my door looking for money or shouting and swearing. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.
I have a degenerative condition which most likely will leave me in a wheelchair in a few years. As things stand, I need a knee replacement. I am in significant pain every day and have to take a cocktail of painkillers just to function. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.
I work for myself. I have (luckily) just won a big piece of business which has a tight deadline and I am struggling to keep my head above water with it. Does that meet the standard of being allowed to forget? Probably not.
Seeing as I'm such a shitty person not responding to your invite, I'll just slink off into my hole now.
I'm guilty of this this week, but WWYD if you were me?
I know DD has 3 parties to attend next weekend. It's a busy weekend for me for other reasons but she's too small yet to drop and run and I think parties are important for children so will greatly inconvenience myself in order that she attends all three.
I actually physically hold one invite. This is for a child in another class who DD doesn't see too often, but goes to another activity with.
Another is on the same day. A good friend of DD, her mum has said there is an invite coming but is obviously somehow not got to me via school so as yet I don't know the time.
The third is for a very good family friend who is still organising the party because she had been too busy on something else very important for the last couple of weeks, so will let me know as soon as she can. She lives an hour away. Her DD has missed a Rainbows day out to attend DDs party before.
Do I keep my options open? Not selfishly, but to try to keep everyone happy? WWYD?
Jacqueline. The ability (and inclination) to laugh at people does not a sense of humour make...
Just so you know.
grow Are all the parties the same day ? Your going to have to chase up the mothers and ask. Probably possible to manage two parties on the same day, if there at different times and not to far apart. But three would be a bit much. Sounds an exhausting weekend for both of you !
Flower the family friend has now arranged her DDs party on the other day to accommodate my DD which is so kind. This is the one we had to attend and is the one a distance away so is a relief.
The other two parties are on the same day. Hopefully I'll get the missing invite tonight and be able to reply. I feel embarrassed actually chasing an invite, but the mum did mention the party to me so I may have to.
Yes that will be a busy weekend I could do without as I've got loads to do that week, but I don't like to knock back invites unless its impossible to attend.
I made the mistake of not chasing up people that hadn't replied to ds1's party invite when he was in reception, so few replied that I invited some siblings to make up numbers.
3 of the children whose parents didn't reply then turned up, the venue had a maximum number and I had to turn them away. The following year one of the same children turned up again without replying.....hmmmm
My daughter has only bought one invite home in 2 years of school. Often she will mention she had an invite, but lost it. I often go to great lengths to find out who's party it is/was to apologise. She just loses them every time and its such a shame.
Also, I suspect a lot of invites are given out in Fridays. I never receive letters or anything from a Friday as her father picks her up and has her for the weekend, and when confronted about missing letters he point blank denies any knowledge. Which is v strange. The parents may well not have seen the invites. Ask them.
Well I will admit I have been guilty of not replying on occasions.
Yes, it is not a good thing. But I have 3 children who each play a different sport, and other out of school stuff.
When I had dd and DS1 at primary, I did respond, even if it was a not sure, can I tell you next week.
Now, when ds2 gets a party invitation and an RSVP 2 weeks before the date, I could not tell you who will be at what match/production/training etc.
I honestly don't know until the fixture list is emailed to me. So I cannot say yes or no as I haven't worked out the logistics of where everyone will be.
your party may be the most important thing ever. to you
But to me, it's another thing to fit into the schedule, and that's it.
It's very nice to be invited. It's also quite likely he will not be able to go if its a weekend and I say that straight away.
But it's an RSVP. People have other stuff going on. Is it worth all the angst?
flogging just so you know...I haven't laughed at anyone on this thread. I have however, poked a little bit of fun at the entire situation and have been quite self deprecating in some instances. I have in return been told I am an awful person with and empty life and that people feel sorry for my children
All over a 4yr olds party invite. It really is quite pathetic...just so you know.
coffee thank you so much for posting and sharing that with us. I think you are doing pretty damn well just to keep functioning, so, as far as a few invites are concerned I say fuck 'em Sadly you are right though this will still not be good enough for some people who seem to feel that their child's party should be top of your priorities and anything you say is just a poor excuse.
The easiest way to get around being in this situation is to either:
1) have the party in a play centre, where you just give them rough numbers and pay on the day for how many turn up.
2) have the party in a venue where there are enough chairs to add a couple if need be, and cater on big trays letting the guests help themselves. Choose entertainment which works for any number of guests.
In either case, a have few extra party bags to hand. If you have any over give them to siblings.
It is only ever two or three who don't let you know. An entertainer we booked once needed very specific numbers. This was a nightmare because you do feel a bit silly chasing people. It's not a situation I'd get myself into again.
Or, have a party at home and just let them play in the garden.
And don't worry about party bags, just hand them a balloon and a piece of cake.
And if they aren't happy, they won't come next year.
I used to do that, it was easy-peasy, I never knew or cared who turned up (though i was a bit put out when one 7 year old wasn't collected one year due to a mix-up between mum and dad and was still there at 10 pm ).
My DD had her 5th birthday party recently. We sent out 19 invites to her whole class and only 6 replied and 5 came! (From her class only, there were more kids turned up from other friends and family and it was a great party!) No excuse for that rudeness I think.
Well said coffee. I sent out 7 invites two weeks ago for dds party at home this weekend I have had 2 replies, I have told dd that the others may come, they may not, but if only 2 come its no reflection on her popularity it is that people have busy lives sometimes and some parents find it difficult to prioritise parties for lots of reasons. If on,y 2 turn up we will still have fun, if more turn up then that's a bonus.
One parent I know is undergoing health investigations so I wouldn't dream of pressing her on this and the others, who knows what is going on their lives. I would rather teach my dd that sometimes we get let down, its how we deal with this that's important and the bigger picture we should consider.
That's what I'm doing on Saturday maryz. Even if its only with three of them
Jacqueline Hyde - can you explain how the fact that you value true friendships means that you feel it's unnecessary to politely decline invitations from people who aren't your true friends? Perhaps they should get a sense of humour.
Hear hear coffee. Sometimes I just have a million other things to remember which are more important (sorry!) than a party invitation. I do try to reply.
Another solution would be to only invite children whose parents you know (enough to have contact details for) so that you can ask/remind them directly, via facebook/text/email/whatever.
This thread reminds me of a time when my mum relied to party saying I could go, I must have been about 7, I didn't make it as my dad beat the crap out of mum and gave her a black eye, he also refused to give her money for a present or to get there, my sister who had a disability made it difficult to attend these things, getting out the house was hard enough most days.
On the Monday as I skipped into school seemingly without a care in the world the motherzilla stopped me in my tracks with a very snide loud remark pointing out that girl who says she will come to party and then let's poor x down. It wasn't until I got home and told my mum what was said that I actually realised my little world was crushed because not everyone lives a life like I did where going to parties where not always high on the list.
Mrs Sham that's awful and I have many similar memories. Most peoples lives are not this chaotic tho.And there's no excuse for busy people not to send a quick polite text.
But you just don't know that, no one I went to school with knew this. No one else at the school my dd attends knows anything about my home life as I don't about theirs, like I said about the mother undergoing health tests no one else at the school knows this.
The point I'm making is that people's lives for many reasons big or small just aren't able to prioritise things like this and it is very petty to get het up about it.
I forget to check in DCs bags for weeks sometimes, I just get the required books out and don't look through the other stuff as I know the important letters are emailed.
Yep, that sums up the OP's position, IMO.
For my DD's party, one mum asked me if I'd intended to invite only one of her twin DC. Now as my DD plays with both her children, it was clearly a mistake. I wrote out all the invites myself, and personally handed them to all the children, so know they got them, but somehow one went missing. At least she asked me, so I could sort it out.
For our latest party, only one child didn't RSVP (good odds!). This girls mum is totally flaky, I've never yet had a RSVP from her for any party or event, yet the girl always turns up, so I assumed she'd come again. However she didn't. My DD informed me later the girls parents have recently split up, and often the wrong parent gets the invite (I take this as meaning Dad gets the invite, for a party happening on mum's weekend), so now I feel totally bad for not chasing up a response, as probably the girl would love to have come, she was the only one who didn't.
So, as I've learn't its best to communicate, call and chase, as people have a lot going on in their lives, and your party is likely not the parent's top priority.
The OP's post is about those people who could easily reply but don't see the need to.politely RSVP. Adds party's coming up. One girls not RSVPd. Her life is chaotic. I know this and am not fussed if her mum replies. All others have replied and so they should have. It's not about my.pfb, its about politeness.
The point is that you don't always know if someone's life is temporarily chaotic - like the week after I mc when DH was overseas and both my parents had been ill. Only one person saw me lose it, but nobody else would have had a clue that I was seriously over capacity.
Yes because you ASSUME they could easily, you JUST DON'T KNOW THAT!!!
And even they could just easily reply, which you just DON'T KNOW its still very petty to get hung up about.
I really should hide this thread.
If you were the parent of a child at my kids' school you would think I was one of those parents who can't be bothered. What you'd see on the face of it is me turning up to school every day with my make up and smile on you would have a bloody clue what's going on in my life.
You'd also be doing that annoying fake laugh that they do when I say I work from home and saying to yourself that I lie at home on my fat arse all day and do nothing and working from home is just an excuse for lazy.
You wouldn't know that last night my ex turned up and spent an hour and a half talking at me shouting at me and berating me for being a crap person and didn't leave until I threatened to phone the police.
You wouldn't know that I have been up all night I tears and have decided to add taking him to court to vary the contact order to the list of things I have to do.
You wouldn't know. And you'd think I was one of those shitty parents who can't be bothered to send a text.
So how do you know those can't be bothered parents aren't like me?
Coffee you're obviously having an awful time but using this thread to vent isn't good for you and you should start a new one or think about getting someone to help you out if possible.
Maybe you do need to let people know what you are going through? It's all pouring out here...and it's such a silly thread to get emotional about.
Is there no friend to talk to?
Mrsmushroom please don't patronise me. You asked a question. I answered it. You are being unreasonable because you do not know the corcumstances in each individual case. And if you still can't see that then you're never going to see it.
And fwiw I do have friends, real friends who I get support from. Some random mother whose child happens to go to school with mine won't be one of them.
Very annoying not to get replies, but I always send out an email reminder a week before the party, to those I haven't heard from. I usually end with "if I don't hear from you, I assume you won't be coming"
It usually prompts said parents into replying.
That's a bit unfair MrsMushroom - your op was AIBU to wonder why ... and Coffee gave you plenty of reasons why. As have a few other people.
So if it's a silly thread to get emotional about, surely it's a silly thing to get cross about?
Just ask them, if you know their phone numbers.
I have managed to RSVP in good time to all parties so far, but I'm exactly the kind of person who will forget, then remember last minute in a panic. I know it's a pain and I'm trying my best (and have done well so far!)
For me, finding this kind of stuff difficult is a combination of being very busy (I'm studying and DP's studying too - we often have months at a time where both of us are putting every spare minute into our studies. When it's like that I get no time to unwind. I don't have time to ever watch TV or read for pleasure while studying for example) and also being in a fairly permanent state of lack of sleep and having a terrible memory. At the moment I'm not studying - but am now moving house (including doing up the new house) heavily pregnant and doing freelance work, all with too-tight deadlines so still just as busy!
If I'm late with things like this I hope people don't think I just can't be bothered. It's that I'm juggling so many things it's really difficult to get it all done! You wouldn't want to be as over-committed as I am at the moment, it's very stressful and not fun!
When it's DS's party if I need to know numbers, I text them and politely ask if they're coming. For those I can't get hold of, I assume they are and make sure I have enough stuff for them. I also do a couple of extra party bags in case of siblings etc.
Coffee I was genuinely trying to be nice. If you can't recognise that then that's your problem. I read all of your stresses and felt bad but you're not interested...you're using this thread to vent.
Maryz as I just said it was not unfair..it was me trying to make a truce.
MrsMushroom - you asked a question. I answered it.
You really really don't get it do you? Other people have important stuff of all kinds of hues going on in their lives that you won't know about that is none of your business that might mean they forget for understandable reasons.
Some people are disorganised. I think that's hard for the organised to remember !
I do try not to be, and to let people know if DC's can go to their friends' parties.
I also do find it frustrating too. When DD was younger she wanted to invite her whole class and I found that was disastrous from the POV of getting replies. Now I only invite people I have some contact with even if that's only in the playground at pick-up time - so DC's better friends.
But I admit I must try harder myself too. Does it count as a reply if the DC's tell your child they can go ? Or would you prefer a call ? I don't do texts.
Even though your child's party is very important to you, you have to remember that to other parents there are 20-odd parties through out the year and they just aren't that important to some people. There could be very genuine reasons, or just too busy to put it at the top of the list, either way I think you are getting very worked up about it and it just isn't that big a deal. Make a little extra food just in case more turn up, have extra party bags, or actually talk to the parents to see if they are intending on coming. Easy.
Coffee can you not come on here anymore? You've made your point and now, it only seems like you're picking on me.
Toffee...you've made the same point as others. Did you read the whole thread?
To add to the list of answers to 'Why?':
DD leaves the invitation at school.
Or she leaves her bag in school/someone else's car/at swimming.
Or she stuffs it in her coat and we find it weeks later.
Or it makes it home, goes on the notice board and is slowly covered by layers of school stuff and medical appointments, and we find it weeks later...
Or it goes on my desk while I search for my phone, and drifts off down the back while I forget what I was looking for, and we find it weeks later...
We do get to quite a few parties, surprisingly.
Come to think of it, where is my phone today?
Lottie did you read the thread? Those points have ALL been made umpteen times.
That's probably about the same level of attention I pay to most things.
In other words, some people don't remember to reply because they are frankly a bit scatty. Invite only offspring of organised, attention-paying parents, and bob's yer uncle.
The sort of people who might have some insights into reasons for un RSVP'd invitations might be the sort (like me ?!) not to read the whole thread Mrs M !
Nah, Juggling, we do it because we want to annoy.
That's the only acceptable answer.
OP, it is EXTREMELY annoying when people don't rsvp. However, none of us is perfect, we all forget things from time to time so you have to be zen. Approach the mothers who haven't replied. I've been approached and I never received the invite. If you don't want to do that, then you will have to just make the extra party bags up.
I've learned over the years that there are certain parents who never reply because they are socially inept, their kids always show, and ime no reply means "yes."
I think the short answer is to be really friendly and considerate to others, as well as to help your DC's have a great party with all their friends, you have to be prepared to do a bit of reminding and chasing up of invitations, with as much good grace as you can muster !
People who have enough time to invite 28 kids to their children's birthday party probably have enough time to deal with the extra 5 who'll show up (or not) without having RSVP-d.
Not a problem you'll ever catch me having.
MrsMushroom You appear perfectly happy to have anyone who agrees with you come on to the thread and repeat the same things that have been said over and over again. Yet those who don't agree with you are now being asked to leave the thread or told off for not reading the whole thread because they are repeating already made arguments.
Do you not think that this is just a little bit hypocritical and very, very childish?
In answer to your original question...NO YANBU to wonder why some people do not RSVP to party invites. However, You are being utterly unreasonable to not accept any of the very real reasons you have been given for this to happen.
You have even gone one step further and been quite insulting about those who don't reply, you have insinuated that people who don't reply are the ones other mums talk about in the playground and have gone as far to say that you hate it when some people think their problems are the be all and end all and that they get right on your tits.
Maybe, just maybe this is why some people (myself included) have not taken very kindly to you and your attitude and have been down right upset by what you have posted.
jaquliene I said those insulting things because YOU were insulting to ME.
MrsMushroom, you don't own this thread.
You can't tell people what they can or can't post.
You are sounding increasingly unreasonable (and a tad controlling).
Oh whatever...I don't like it when people pile in and have a go at an OP because they're bored.
I'm not piling in. And I'm not bored.
I have read your responses on this thread and I realise that you didn't meant to post in AIBU. You meant to post in "I'm right and everyone else is wrong, come and agree with me".
What do people want from me? For me to admit I'm wrong? I don't think I am...nor do lots of others.
I don't think as many as 5 people in my DC class have problems that equal Coffe's....so in all likelyhood some of them are rude/disorganised because they just are!
is that an unreasonable assumption? No. I don't accept that.
Do you really assume it's because people are rude?
I tend to assume 'rude' involves some deliberate, y'know, rudeness. As in 'That bloody Mushroom, I'll show her what I think of her pesky party invitations. Take that! Pah!'
So your rudeness is all my fault, even the rudeness before I came on the thread and posts you have made directly in response to other posters (like the gets on my tits comment). Righty-ho! I am obviously frickin amazing. Thanks
Ok. Five people.
One like Coffee, maybe.
One with separated parents and doubt about where they will be that weekend.
One with older siblings with variable sports/drama/music commitments.
One with an ill parent/grandparent.
One with a sibling with SN.
One whose mum has a newborn.
That's more than five. You have been given loads of reasons, but you have decided they are all rude.
And of course you are right, because a few people have agreed with you .
jaqueline the gets on my tits comment was an EXACT imitation of one someone else said...I think it was Coffee. So whatever you think or want other to think you think...it's bollocks. You come over as odd frankly.
If you're an organised person though it may be that you've been lucky to have those skills come quite easily to you (though of course I don't know, maybe you work very hard at it ?)
IMHO it's about understanding that those skills may not come so easily to others. Sometimes because of life circumstances, but also importantly, just because they are different to you.
"because they just are" in your post can be looked at in different ways ?!
This thread has been useful, though.
DD vaguely mentioned 'Emily's Party' yesterday, but we have seen neither hide nor hair of an invitation. I shall try to remember to check with parent of Emily tonight (whichever Emily it is, and whether or not she has truly invited DD. Uh oh. Whole new minefield looms...)
Could we all calm down? It's a few extra butties and party bags. Save it for when you are organising her wedding.
Maybe people are too scared to reply to OP without a cast-iron excuse for delay
as she's starting to scare me
What Maryz said.
(Although, this could be added by me to pretty much any post she ever makes. )
no original answers from me only commiserating!
it always irked me to no end that so many would fail to rsvp - sometimes up to half of those invited!
i always tried to find a pattern (ie 'class' state vs private, etc) and realised that being inconsiderate of others is, in fact 'classless' (in more ways than one!)
[arf] Sanity - you will be accused of piling in if you aren't careful.
I've chased some people on the past who look at me as if I've got two heads and say "yes, of course she's coming, I'd have told you if she wasn't", when the invitation clearly states the RSVP date required. When you have to pay in advance I'd rather not have to use my ESP when giving the venue final numbers.
So, yes, people don't reply for all sorts of genuine reasons, but it doesn't mean a large percentage just haven't got the social awareness to understand they're being rude.
should have mentioned - i always made 4 or 5 extra loot bags so that the kids wouldn't be left w/nothing as a result of parents' mistake of not rsvping
Well, actually, Maryz, I told the OP that she should get over herself a couple of days ago, so maybe you are piling in!
I wonder what you will do when a parent accepts the invitation and then the child doesn't show?
I did this once as I genuinely forgot (don't think my DS forgave me). Another child the parents got the time wrong by 2 hours. In another case the home life was disorganised. In another DD didn't got, but I thought that was obvious as she had been off with Swine Flu. And there are numerous cases of overnight sickness etc.
Mrs Mushroom you are the one coming across as odd I'm afraid.
Excellent according to the OP I am rude, a really awful person, the type of person everyone bitches about in the playground, I am to blame for all the OP's rude/vaguely insulting comments on this entire thread, I lead an empty life in which she hopes I can suck some joy from.
And now I'm 'odd'
The other insults have all been vaguely amusing and straight forward but the use of the word 'odd' has confused me. Could you please clarify what you mean by this OP as I am not sure how by pointing out some of the
rude ill thought out comments you have made makes me odd?
I love a party with a happy atmosphere!!
I'm with Jacqueline on this one
I fear the OP has displayed a level of rudeness on this thread which eclipses any displayed by party invite non-repliers.
I would personally invite all you interesting people with busy lives to a party. Beats the type of party with bored navel gazing control freaks any day.
You don't even have to RSVP . Just come and be fun to be with!
It could be like one of those chaotic teenage Facebook parties [hopeful]
I love a party with a happy atmosphere!!
MrsSham I now have that stupid Russ Abbot song going round in my head!
So how many canapés shall one buy?
My favourite party ended up with strip netball in the back garden (those were the days). Sadly one of the most enthusiastic netballers is now a colleague in my very professional working life. I have to kid myself we've both forgotten it
Cabbage, he definately hasn't forgotten!
Canapés? What, food? We won't need food. We'll fill up on alcohol, just like any mn meet-up.
<Disclaimer: I have never been to a meet-up, so they may possibly be alcohol-free
but I doubt it >
Sorry...had to unblock the washing machine
Well I did pop into 'My Local MN' t'other day but it was all play dates and coffee so I left quickly. Politics over a glass of wine in the evening, child free was more my thing. (Or strip netball obviously)
I felt very drunk at my one and only meet up
I know worra, me too, its been with me all bloody day. I had to share it, I could not possibly suffer it alone
I regularly didn't used to get the invitation until late when I was working 4 days a week and it came via granny/childminder.
Omg I would never ask the teacher to help me work out this kind of stuff. Teachers have enough to do without approaching parents to get answers for us on RSVP's !!! Please please leave teachers to get on with their jobs and leave them out of the birthday invite shenanigans !!
I overheard DD2's teacher very pointedly telling a parent that his son had an invitation in his book bag and if he didn't open the book bag he might miss the party (it was DD2's invitation - he didn't reply and he didn't come). Sad really. It's obvious the parents never read with the boy or think there's any reason to open his bag when he gets home. Annoying for me once a year but for the teacher it's an insult day in and day out that they don't bother to involve themselves with their son's education.
Why would that mean they don't read with him
I errm...only guessed it was by Russ Abbot
I mean I never bought the song or anything
Well ok it may have been on a compilation CD but I have no idea how I came by it...honest officer
And this thread takes yet another shocking turn and I'm not talking about underconstructions ridiculous comment!
I'm talking about the revelations about what Worra is listening to on her ipod...Russ Abbot's greatest hits album (it was a short album!)
It Wasn't Me
Don't Be Cruel
I'll Tell Me Ma
If You Don't Stop
Gangnam up on me
OK, I admit I didn't read the whole thread before posting earlier. (Still haven't, but have read this page now).
MrsMushroom - wow you're rude! I can't believe the way you've addressed some of the posters, and ironically, on a thread about etiquette.
I had an album by the Wombles. I loved it. (In my defence I was about 6)
I wondered if I was making that^ up but google reveals The wonder of Wombling
<showing my age>
DS had his birthday party recently. Out of the 25 children in his nursery class, 5 replied and 4 actually showed up. Yes, I was cross with the rude parents who didn't bother to reply. The invitations were handed by the nursery nurses to the parents as they collectes their children, there's no excuse.
Have only read the first couple of posts.
I have been guilty of not responding to party invitations. In my defence, in my DD's class, it has always been specified 'regrets only', so as a class, the expectation is that unless you say otherwise, you will be coming.
However, when it came to younger DS' class, they were all RSVP. Quite a few of us didn't bother replying, as we thought the 'regrets only' thing still stood.
Thought I would read the rest of the thread. I have tears rolling down my cheeks! Jaqueline, you are vaiy naughty!
Right so now we need a party play list we have atmosphere
Worra has added wombles and by sheer accident I think gangnam
Any further requests.
I want that superman song
Well, if we're only allowed rubbish music, what about Aga Doo?
Also, we must definitely invite coffeeismywine, even if she won't have time to RSVP, because she seems lovely!
unlike the OP.
Can we have the Cha Cha Slide? And I want a party bag full of plastic shit or I won't go home.
RSVP by [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R.S.V.P._(Five_Star_song) Five Star]]?
Oh bugger, I messed up the links.
RSVP by Five Star
Yes coffee can come so long as she leaves some of those kids at home, I'm not sure my precious could cope with all that brood.
DS1 is 23. I am nominating him to be our designated driver is that ok?
I'm not convinced by this music line-up you know . Just how drunk do we intend to be?
doesn't mention the birdie song
I can supply, musicwise, the Smurfs christmas party
slightly out of season
If DS1 is driving, can I be so shitfaced I boak out the side of the car and down the door and again when we pull into the drive and again on the front lawn and copiously in the toilet?
because revenge is sweet
Only if you fall in it getting out the car.
Ok, then, the music doesn't matter.
coffee, the difference is that when he does that you clean up.
You can bet your life that if you did that, you would have to clean it up tomorrow, when it has all dried in [bitter]
Oh yes Maryz - the morning he or his mate had only made it as far as the kitchen sink is etched in my memory
<bitter as well>
Don't laugh but I miss those days and I'm looking forward to them again with the youngers. Getting up in the morning and not being quite sure how many zombie hungover people are going to appear from bedrooms and having them eat you out of house and home. And I do know I'm strange.
coffee is wanting zombie hungover people at her house - is this party turning into a sleepover at her house???
has no one else ever come downstairs and found random young men asleep on the sofa then ?
This thread is great!
It starts off with bosoms hoicked up above ear height, but by 250 posts they are swinging down below the knees.
Speak for yourself Sanity my bosoms are perfectly pert thank you
coffee no randoms here for at least 12 years. 2 DDs now and god help them if they take after me.
Isn't that how Me and Mrs Jones started?
ds1 isnt' allowed to have friends home. They would probably make off with the tv before we got up. ds2's hide in the garage.
I do like seeing dh's face when he gets up on a Sunday to find half a dozen 16 year old girls randomly scattered around the house. Thank goodness for onesies
Mine are 9 and 4 Maryz. I'm a little bit scared of the teenage years - but not that scared. I had to know every trick in the book with my own fabulous dad - and I did! I'd be surprised if they can shock me too much. <naive>
argh I know! and it's not just parents! some people think that a 'we'll see on the day' is good enough! I need numbers people!!!
Sorry for the no show guys a d lack of RSVP. I'm right peeved off and slightly shitfaced attempting to put a bike together for dds birthday tomorrow and the handlebar shaft thing won't go on I've lubed it and everything and the screw is stuck tight. Have given up on it and now boiling some eggs for the shrines...though a bit too drunk to the sandwich making.
Ffs going to have to send a miserable and moaning exp to halfords in the morning as soon as he turns up.
Has coffee vomed yet?
I'm not boiling eggs for shrines I'm really not that shitfaced, I'm boiling eggs for sarnies
No vomming til about 3 am ..
MrsSham Halfords build them for free. Hopefully you can get them to sort it tomorrow.
I know I didn't buy it from halfords though so not sure if they will.
<reminisces about drunken nights building presents>
<remembers with horror the Christmas Eve of the bunk beds>
I never learn its been sat in a box in my garage since before bloody Christmas
Why do we leave these things untill the night before?
It wasn't me wot had the Womble song, it was someone else
In honour of the OP, may I add 'RSVP' by Heart to the song list?
<whispers: I had the Wombles album too. On a record. I knew all the words>
YES BUT I FUCKING DIDN'T! I DIDN'T...I JUST DIDN'T!!!
I was gutted about it too
Methinks she doth protest too much
My first album was Fleetwood Mac, Rumours. I also had Meatloaf Bat Out of Hell and Bread (but I'm trying to forget that one).
I was a very sad teenager.
My first album was a TOTP compilation when I was a bout 5, it had save all your kisses for me on it. I remember the cover had a woman with a white lace bodice on and smoking a fag.
I also had Meatloaf Bat Out of Hell and Bread
Really? We just had cheese and crackers < Poor family >
My first album was "Fonzie's Favourites"....a compilation of the songs played on the TV show 'Happy Days'
I've never name changed before but I can see I'm going to have to when I
sober up log in tomorrow...
Nothing wrong with the fonze worra
My first record was Little Jimmy Osmond 'I'll be your long haired lover from Livepool'.
My big sister had the Womble album but my favourite was the Christmas one:
'All day long we will be Wombling in the snow
We wish you a Wombling Merry Christmas'.
MrsSham I'll see your Fonz and raise you the Bay City Rollers!
<< Deffo name changing >>
Growlithe I wonder if we should hold a Wombles Rave?
Underground rave or overground though?
<< Decisions >>
Bay city rollers waaaayyyy before my time but ill see the bay city rollers and raise you Daniel O'Donell.
I loved the Wombling Merry Christmas [nostalgic]. I was of the Bay City Rollers and Osmonde era - my mum sewed tartan into my jeans.
To be honest though, compared to The Wiggles or Fucking Barney, the Wombles were pretty sophisticated and we shouldn't be ashamed at all.
However, Daniel O'Donnell is a step too far . Unless you are a woman of a certain age from the West of Ireland, wee Daniel is beyond the limits of respectibility.
<still recovering from the shock of his marriage, as was sure he was gay>
There is mileage in this event Worra.
I'm just watching Russell Brand's thing from yesterday.
I mean if none of you are up for it I don't mind liaising with Russ.
I'll see him and raise you the Dubliners
<< Sings 7 drunken nights...just knowing Maryz will know the 'dirty' version >>
Is Russel Brand a Womble now?
A Dickensian Womble with a backcomb - yes that could work!
I like the Dubliners . ds1 does a mean version of Dirty Old Town.
Don't know it I know dirty ol town though
Russ is all yours growlith I can't stand him. Too attention seeking for me. I can see the Dickensian womble inference, though not sure he would cope with the sheer graft of a true womble, I see him as a bit if a boo hooer
Is Russel Brand a Womble now?
A Dickensian Womble with a backcomb - yes that could work!
Well that image has sorted it for me tonight girls xxxx
He would most definetly be Tobermory with the top hat
Please no more common learning traing I'm done with that for a year.
Just watching the end of yesterday's gig. He is a beautiful person.
I am feeling so reassured by the other Wombling album owners. The years of shame may be in the past
I take it that everyone remaining on the thread is 42 then, judging by the music.
I don't care if he is married, I'm still convinced Daniel ODonnell is gay.
He can't be gay, he is a catholic don't ya know
Inspired by liking the wombles when I was little, I bought the greatest hits of the wombles for ds1 when he was little.
it's actually rather good, even now and one of the few 'child' cds that is allowed on
And no, I'm not 42
unfortunately I'm 43 going on 7 I've just realised by my taste in music!
Bumping the thread back up to suggest they might have done the following:
Received invitation - read date and time and wrote it on calendar as Saturday 10th and filed it entirely wrongly in head as Saturday 3rd.
Left invitation in car. Driven car to garage to be fixed. Left without invitation.
Had no RSVP information - left message with pre-school for parent of birthday child saying DS1 could attend and leaving tel number for any problems.
Purchased presents and cards.
Got to Saturday 3rd. Panicked due to complicated local event meaning road to venue closed. Made complex travel plans.
Checked calendar and discovered it wasn't on 3rd at all.
Realised Saturday wasn't 10th - Sunday was 10th.
Got ill. Baby got ill. DP went away for work event. Brain ceased functioning. Arranged MIL to look after sick baby while DS1 goes to party.
Got to within 2 hours of party time, located lost invitation by chance. Texted parent to check DS1 on their list. Read invitation again. Realised it was yesterday.
Wallowed in shame and guilt.
I am mortified. I do not understand how I have managed to be quite so stupid on quite so many occasions about this one party. I got the date wrong TWICE. They must have just thought we didn't bother turning up. DS1 is going to be a social pariah for the rest of his school life because I'm going to be the crap, disorganised mother who does stuff like this.
Is there a Crap Mothers' Day?
PLEASE don't fucking bump it panda. It's a joke and all the things you've said have been suggested. Did you not see that it took a whole new fucking persona? One which ridiculed me??? Leave it alone.
Er, I did all those things. Was that not obvious?
[backs slowly away from thread]
YES it was! But the thread needs to go away. it's been a nasty one. I wont post again and would be glad if others did not.
No one is ridiculing you it has simply just taken a humorous turn at no ones expense.
DS first big party and from school ZERO texts back, admittedly only invited five. but still!
will stop sressing, its clearly the norm!!!!
It hasn't been nasty.
In some places it has been quite funny, and fairly supportive, as well as very reasonable.
I am howling at Kungfu - that's the type of thing I used to do with ds2's parties. I had a friend whose eldest was in ds2's class, and she used to remind me about parties and school events, because by the time I got to ds2 (child 3) they just seemed so unimportant .
How those people on 16 kids and counting manage school parties, I have no idea.
Parents do not reply to their children's invite because:
1 They are too plain selfish to put their children first.
2. They can find time to log on to mumsnet and write tons of crap yet cant send a one line text, or email, or note on a cereal packet.
3. Good parents teach their children good manners by example, these types of people are not capable of that.
4 Foget the excuses dont care if you have got terminal cancer and the roof is falling in it is all bullshit. YOU ARe JUST PLAIN RUDE!!!!!!!!!!
5 Dont worry most people suss who you are very quickly and dont invite your child more than once,
Because people have busy lives and forget! I rang one person the day before and she confirmed she was coming but they had all had flu last week and she totally forgot to text.
Florence, what the actual fuck? Take your terminal cancer comment and fuck right off...if ever a comment was OTT and completely deranged you just made it. Seething!!!
Busy lives are an excuse - they are rude! We are talking about something that takes 30 seconds. The truth is people are becoming more and more selfish. Life has always been busy; we have hundred ways to communicate nowadays, so not replying is in the main just plain selfish. Yes I will accept that occasionally people do forget but mainly it is people being selfish. And yes this is old thread, but OP didnt deserve the abuse she received.
Yes, I agree with you to an extent, it takes seconds to RSVP, but to people who have lost a loved one to the 'terminal cancer' you so flippantly refer to in order to make your point, it just makes them think you're an arsehole and your point is lost. Seriously, don't go round saying things like that in rl. Sheesh.
Cherry even people who are ill can text, I know that for a fact takes 30 seconds. I had a friend die young and she taught her children good manners right to the end. So no I will not retract it. I have every sympathy with people with cancer is very close to home at the moment. Was using it as the one of the worst kind of personal traumas, but does not stop someone replying to an invite. No x cannot come to X. How long does it take to say that, answer phone, text it, email it, writing it on a note for the book bag, speak to the mother. In replying parents are teaching their children by example. If you were invited to something at work, would you simply not reply?
I'm agreeing with your point, Florence, you don't need to persuade me on that, I just can't be ok with anybody using cancer in a flippant way to prove a point. I'm a teacher, I spend half my life bemoaning the manners of others, but cannot get worked up about it enough to be that offensive.
And actually (getting quite upset now) when you are terminally ill and unable to toilet and feed yourself and communicate with or recognise your loved ones a text isn't really a priority either. Withdrawing from this now. Pride yourself on manners? Consider what might offend others before you speak, please. Even a child can do that, too.
Was trying to make the point that even the worse illness is no excuse for rudeness. Cancer is not a taboo subject ;just part of life like many other illnesses.
One of the mums from school had a weird experience recently. She sent all the invites by text; but (copying from the year groups spreadsheet) accidentally texted someone from the other Year 1 class, that her ds barely knows.
Despite the text reading for example Hi Jane, John is invited to ........,
and her name being Penny, mother of Peter - she turned up at the party, and was completely unfazed when her ds was unsurprisingly not on the prepaid guest list.
There are some right weirdos out there.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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