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to think that I should be able to go into a bar without being sexually assaulted?

(188 Posts)
BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 02:59:27

I am quite drunk so sorry for any typos/incomprehensible..ness

I have just been on a rare night out with DH. DH is a music journalist and I went with him to a gig he was reviewing, we had a lovely night and then joined some friends from another band in a different bar after the gig.

I bought us a drink and then as the bar was packed I held my drink up high so that I didn't spill it on anyone, as I walked past a man, he groped my breast. I threw my drink in his face and asked him what he thought he was playing at, he laughed in my face so I slapped him (I don;t normally condone violence, but I guess my emotions overtook my reasoning) his friend then poured a drink over me, so I chucked what was left of mine over him and gave them both a piece of my mind. They both and the women with them went on to laugh at me and make fun of me.

DH and band were very supportive and kind and I felt really daft because I ended up crying and being comfroted by the lead singer of the band.

AIBU to think that I should be able to walk through a bar and not be fucking groped by some random cunt?? I don't think I am!!!! Urgh, just needed to get this off my chest before I got to sleep.

lubeybooby Sun 03-Mar-13 03:06:54

That's horrible sad don't blame you for being upset.

Sokmonsta Sun 03-Mar-13 03:11:39

Good grief! I'm fairly relaxed about 'banter' but that takes the mick. Esp with the guy's friends' reactions.

I don't blame you for your reaction in the least. Hope you're ok.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 03:14:21

He seemed genuinely surprised at my reaction, like I was supposed to be grateful for the attention hmm

I'm ok, thanks. I'm just pissed off now more than anything else.

Astelia Sun 03-Mar-13 03:29:44

That is assault. Did you by any chance get a photo or a name? Do you feel able to report to the Police? If he gets a knock on the door from the Police and has to account for his actions he might think twice about doing it to anyone else.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 03:36:12

Unfortunately no. I wish I'd had the sense to take a picture of him. By the time I'd got myself together enough to tell the bouncer, who was lovely and was prepared to not only remove him from the bar but to contact the police, the man had left.

kicking myself now, because this nasty prick is still out there and god knows what he's capable of. sad

I met my lovely DH because some wanker was touching me. I threatened to break his fingers (Saaf Laandon, me) and this other bloke at the bar suggested I sit with his friend, a Black Belt, if I was feeling threatened. Said Black Belt was DH and we have been together since. One of the things that I liked about DH (and his friend, who suggested that I sit with him) was that they took the whole thing very seriously. No laughing, they understood it was assault and that all reasonable people understand that people don't sexually assault people. FFS.

Eastpoint Sun 03-Mar-13 06:36:37

Bumping this up

ScottyDoc Sun 03-Mar-13 06:50:50

Pisstake, I'm glad you slapped the wanker and chucked drink on him and his sad little posse. This happened to a girl at a club right in front of me when I was early teens, a guy just literally stuck his hands up her skirt out of nowhere and was being egged on by his friends. I remember just being really shocked that it was somehow accepted as cheeky banter. Sorry you got groped sad but rest assured these sad tossers have no substance let alone the chance of having a fulfilling relationship with anyone.

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Mar-13 06:57:41

You're lucky you didn't get a glass in your face, or worse.

30 years ago, if that happened, you'd be 99% sure the bloke would back off if you slapped him and that wold be the end of it - today? Never in a million years would I slap someone, especially someone in a crowd as you wouldn't know how many of them there are - because I've counted more at least four so far in your OP - the bloke, his mate who tipped a drink and women with them.

That had the potential to escalate into something far worse than a drink over your head.

HarrySnotter Sun 03-Mar-13 07:19:31

I can see what you're saying Holly but I think it could be a reactionary thing. I couldn't just stand there if someone did that to me and often you do things you wouldn't normally through fear.

Part of the problem with these wankers is that they see to do it as a recreational hobby and don't get challenged.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 07:24:06

Helpful post as usual, Holly. You're a great person to have around several hours after an event. smile

OP - sounds horrendous. Hope you're OK.

MammaTJ Sun 03-Mar-13 07:41:24

I am shocked that there were women there condoning his behaviour.

OI, you two, if you happen to wander along, LTB!!

Glad you were looked after OP.

OhDearieDearieMe Sun 03-Mar-13 07:43:33

Well I don't know what's with the snarking at Holly's post Midnight. She's absolutely right. It could very well have escalated into something dreadful. I think it's safe to say that the OP couldn't possibly have known what level of lunacy she was dealing with and instead of an instant ill-judged reaction to what was obviously a shocking, illegal and unwelcome event it would have been far wiser to take it straight to the security personnel and ultimately the Police.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 07:45:34

So sorry Bubblegum. What a tosser that bloke was, and his mates.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 07:45:37

i'm trying to picture this. you were holding a drink in each hand. you threw one drink on him and then slapped him. did you throw the glass over him as well? how did you have one empty hand to slap him?

and why was the lead singer of the band comforting you and not your DH?

Tailtwister Sun 03-Mar-13 07:53:24

That's horrendous OP, you must have been really shaken. I'm also amazed that the women present were joining in. He should be charged with assault.

I hope you are ok this morning OP.

MrsMushroom Sun 03-Mar-13 07:56:39

I think you should have told the manager...were they removed?

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Mar-13 07:57:15

I'm not condoning the behaviour - I don't get drunk in public for a start - and perhaps, just perhaps - I've seen this sort of thinkg kick off before over something similar.

Society as a whole is just too violent these days. And I hate to sway it - drink fuelled women are far far worse than men. Men, usually, have a reasonable set of boundaries - women, often would think nothing of decking another woman or a bloke and having a full on brawl; its the "ladette" culture. Thats typified by the women in the Ops story laughing at the situation.

I'd have been probably quite gutless and done fuck all, knowing if I started slinging drinks round, my DH would have waded in and and probably got a pasting for his troubles.

Self preservation is my motto. And I like my teeth in my head, not across the floor.

ChairmanWow Sun 03-Mar-13 07:59:01

God that is such a shit thing to happen. I don't blame you for reacting the way you did. The bastard and his stupid friends deserved it. Clearly the two women have no self respect to be condoning this.

It happened to me a few times when I was a student years ago, and most of my friends. The student clubs we used to go to we're horrendous for it but nobody ever took it seriously. I'm glad the bouncer offered to call the police. It's still not too late if you still want to. You could call the club and see if there's any CCTV. The creep deserves a knock on the door from the police.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 08:03:53

OhDearie - the OP is clearly upset. To come on just to have a go at her, without a single word of sympathy just seemed unnecessary to me. I get what Holly's saying, but there are ways and ways of getting your point across.

I'm guessing the OP probably knew it wasn't an ideal way to handle it, in hindsight...

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:05:11

well if the OP threw the whole glass over him (unless in her drunken rage she managed to tuck the other glass neatly under her arm in order to slap him) i think she should be arrested. not saying what happened her is right if i am to believe her.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:05:59

hang on .. i misread the OP i apologise she had only one drink. i thought she had one in each hand. my apologies.

HollyBerryBush Sun 03-Mar-13 08:06:36

I didn't have a go at the Op at all - I pointed out she wasn't wise, not the same thing as having a go.

As you say, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:07:09

Fluckered, not that it's relevant, but the OP mentions her drink, nothing about two drinks.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:07:30

"i bought us a drink". still confused .. was it one or two drinks the op had?

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:07:40

Ah, x-post.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:08:20

Doctrine it is relevant because throwing a drink over someone is one thing but the glass as well? different story and even if he did touch her first her actions would far outweigh if glass throwing was involved.

sashh Sun 03-Mar-13 08:08:29

OP YANBU.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:09:29

Whichever - I think it's pretty clear she didn't throw the glass or she wouldn't have had "what was left of the drink" to throw at the bloke's friend.

Maybe she and DH were sharing a pint.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 08:10:40

She said she 'chucked what was left of her drink', so she must've still been holding the glass. No mention at all of throwing the actual glass.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:10:44

true Doctrine. was just trying to picture the scenario as she typed it. but to answer OP yanbu to feel how you do.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:12:07

i know guys ... but before she emptied the rest of her drink she slapped him. she said she bought "us" a drink. i know i know i am being pedantic. probably because i dont "share" drinks wink

RedHotRudieParts Sun 03-Mar-13 08:13:29

Yanbu for being upset.

Yabu for reacting the way you did, it could have got yourself and other people hurt. Far better to get management or whatever involved, much as you'd want to knee him in the bollocks.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight Sun 03-Mar-13 08:17:18

Op did say she was drunk and had been through that so maybe cut some slack in the vocab

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:17:54

RH, it sounds like a "fight or flight" reaction, not sure if it's easy to be reasonable there.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:22:20

Loves, not cutting her some slack she spelt "incomprehensible ...ness" perfectly. lol

LoopDeLoops Sun 03-Mar-13 08:24:11

Crikey, there's nothing like picking holes, is there? The poor woman is upset. LEave it.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:25:16

Wow, just pick the post apart why doncha? Where is Columbo when you need him?
pity you didn't knee him in the nadgers op or stab his foot with your heel.
of course you have every right to not be assaulted and well done for sticking up for yourself and not just freezing and allowing it.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:26:31

YY loop

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 08:27:06

Nasty behaviour on his part but can someone tell me what OP's response here
would have been had she said 'was in a bar with some mates, drunkenly
pinched some bloke's arse and he physically attacked me for it!'?

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:27:16

who is picking holes? i asked a genuine question and then apologised for getting the technicalities wrong. we are debating .. a reason i love this site. dont turn it into a gang up on the OP. i said she wasnt bu for how she felt. however i dont think two wrongs make a right. what he did was horrible and technically "sexual assault" and if she were to pursue it she would have every right.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:28:18

interesting WhatstheBuzz... btw what does "YY" mean?

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:28:22

And how do you know op is not from Newcastle? "us" means "me'!

Yes, I watch emmerdale, so what?

nellyjelly Sun 03-Mar-13 08:28:58

Count on mumsnet for someone to be devil's advocate. God the OP was assaulted and somone is trying to unpick her posts and give her a hard time.

Some people just love to take the opposite view, to be different or plain bloody minded.

Yes her reaction wasn't great but cut her some slack ffs.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:29:39

well I am just going by the OP i must have missed the disclaimer on the newcastle tone.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:31:06

It was sexual assault, not just "technically"

Sorry, fluckered, from the detail in the OP I think it would have been mentioned if she'd actually thrown the glass (which was quite possibly plastic at a gig) and it seemed you were focussing on her actions rather than his.

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:31:16

oh for the love of god .. i was trying to get clarification ... and i apologised. ffs read back!! of course some people like to ignore when someone admits they were wrong and keep going like a dog with a bone. i also said she was nbu. sigh.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:31:18

She didn't pinch him though and if she had and he threw a drink in her face then she would have deserved it.

OP what a horrid thing to have happen, cannot believe that women also thought this was funny! shock

I've been groped from behind between the legs countless times on nights out. It makes me feel sick, and destroys what tiny slither of respect I have left for men.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:31:57

YY means yes yes or "I agree"

WhatsTheBuzz, if someone came on MN and said that, they'd probably get a pasting for what THEY did, and rightly so.

Sexual assault/harrassment goes both ways, and I imagine a lot of people would be more likely to react violently to unwanted attention if they've been drinking, based on my experience of people in pubs.

OP, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Having been the only sober person in a lot of pubs, I've seen this sort of thing happen a lot, and it's really depressing sad

I cannot believe some of you who are saying the OP should be arrested!! Yes perhaps she shouldn't have slapped him, however, he physically and sexually assaulted her!

OP I hope you re feeling better now, sorry that this has happened to you.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 03-Mar-13 08:33:24

I would have reacted just like you. Thats horrible.

I went to a gig once in Brighton, it was a really famous band so the place was rammed. Someone from behind me reached his hand through my legs and ran his fingers from my fanny up to my arse. I span round but all I could see was a lot of faces leaping up and down to the band.

I remember feeling sick and horrifically violated. My second thought was, if that made me feel so suddenly awful, I couldnt bare to think what how a victim of rape must feel.

I turned back round and he did it again. I let immediately, night ruined.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:33:24

true Doctrine. well imo it depended really on whether i thought she was bu or not. he did grope her and no doubt it IS sexualt assault however i wanted to determine if she did in fact throw a class as I would have definately said she was bu then. but now that i know better she wasnt.

OneHandFlapping Sun 03-Mar-13 08:33:38

Maybe that's one guy who will think twice about grabbig a woman's breast in a bar again.

It may be a risky thing to do to slap/throw drinks over him, but I'm guessing adrenaline took over. And it's because women generally don't engage with these louts that they continue to get away with it.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:34:23

Fluckered I was joking, sorry was trying to stop a bunfight op probably has a headache this morning grin

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:35:48

omg WellSlap and YourHand thats horrific.

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 08:36:36

I agree they would get a pasting but would anyone actually believe that
the smack in the face was deserved, 'good on him for slapping you!' ?

MrsKeithRichards Sun 03-Mar-13 08:36:58

sad What a complete shit of a man.

Did your Dh not intervene?

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 03-Mar-13 08:37:36

Whatsthrbuzz I dont think think a pinched bottom would get the same upset reaction (but upset no doubt). A groped breast is far worse.

You cannot compare a woman pinching a mans bum to a man groping a womans breast.

Had you said a woman groping a mans crotch, then Id have agreed. Id not be suprised if a woman haf a drink in her face if she did that!

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:37:37

sorry Buzzard i havent a clue about the dialect but now that you say it that Ayesha one on Rearenders always says "us" as well when she means herself. smile

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 08:43:06

God, Nancy - that sounds horrendous. You never forget shit like that, and yet I bet that bloke never gave it a second thought after the event. sad

If someone got a slap for pinching some guy's arse, then they can't really expect too much sympathy. However, surely it doesn't require too much in terms of intelligence to see that a man sexually assault in a woman is a different kettle of fish, given that men almost inevitably have a physical advantage over women (size and/or strength).

This adds another whole, very scary and threatening layer to any sort of 'exchange'... The powerlessness to know you more than likely won't be able to properly defend yourself should it get out of hand, is really frightening.

peedoffbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:43:08

Bloody hell no wonder the OP hasn't come back! The point of the post was to talk about the sexual assault but that has now been lost. Poor woman.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:43:20

I think the DH was elsewhere in the bar, MrsKR.

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 08:44:00

well,
I was going to say 'grabbed some bloke's crotch' but I can be a bit
prudish. I still don't think anyone would have even slightly agreed it's
ok for a woman to be slapped by a man for doing it though.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 08:44:21

Given the OP got in about 3am, I hope she's not come back cos she's still asleep!

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 08:45:12

OP posted at 3am and her words was "quiet drunk". she is probably sleeping it off. give her a chance.

BramshawHill Sun 03-Mar-13 08:47:11

That's awful, I'm sorry you had to experience that. You were absolutely not being unreasonable, in that kind of situation your instincts kick in to protect you.

I'd definitely consider calling the pub and asking if they have CCTV, most do these days. Maybe they'll even bar him!

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:48:54

No, she slapped his face when he laughed at her.

Bloody hell no wonder the OP hasn't come back! The point of the post was to talk about the sexual assault but that has now been lost. Poor woman.

^^This.

That is really awful - spoiled your whole night out too

I was in a bar years ago and a guy grabbed my breast - before I knew it I'd smacked him so hard round then face there was a cracking sound! He grabbed his face and mumbled sorry and fled!

I don't regret doing that one bit

amillionyears Sun 03-Mar-13 08:55:24

Is this not a police matter?
Yes, the op may get done for something, or several things as well.

But the man concerned needs to have it on police record what he has done imo.

I would also hope there is video evidence?

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 03-Mar-13 08:55:44

<shrugs>

I actually couldnt care less about a crotch grabbing woman situation, thinking about it. Because this thread is losing its point.

Typical MN style, the OP has been sexually assaulted and people point out where they think she has BU.

<rolls eyes>

If a woman was raped, should she not fight, punch, scratch, bite, scream and kick?

This is just a lesser scale IMO.

Its very unsisterly to look at it from a male perspective 'what would happen to a man if HE got fondled and slapped her'

Who cares? It doesnt happen.

You know why? Because its a man world. One in which he thinks its ok to grope a strangers breast and laugh at her.

And you whatsthebuzz come on here and see it from a mans perspective.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:56:52

Good for you fairy. Wish I had stuck up for myself on the numerous times I have been groped.

Buzzardbird Sun 03-Mar-13 08:58:52

Yy Nancy

digerd Sun 03-Mar-13 09:00:44

The difference between a woman groping a man's crotch is that 99.9% of men would like it.

Altinkum Sun 03-Mar-13 09:02:01

I think he's a grade A TOSSER.

But I also think your a fool, you putntutselfnin a very vulnerable situation and it could have escalated into so much more.

Adversecamber Sun 03-Mar-13 09:09:22

I'm sorry this has happened to you, I have been groped when out in a pub and it is not nice. It certainly puts you off going out.

I did hit a bloke in the face when he was harassing my friend, we were only teenagers at the time.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 09:21:14

Digerd, that's not true.

But it's not what this thread is about either. Can another thread be started about male crotch groping if people want to discuss that?

fluckered Sun 03-Mar-13 09:28:37

well Doctrine my own experience when one guy grabbed my boob out one night i turned and grabbed his crotch and he stood there smiling. asshole.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 09:46:49

I will be very happy on the day that people come on and post, "Wow, that bloke groping you in plain sight took a real risk, it's surprising no-one around him beat him up/called him out on it."

I wonder what the groper's friends would have done if he'd made a racist comment to a not-particularly-strong-looking black male.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 09:47:55

Some might, yes. But not 99.9%. And the example you mention, the guy probably thought you'd responded to his "advance"

Op I feel for you, that was a shit thing to have happen to you, but Holly and Altinkum are right. Your reaction was foolish. The right thing to do would have been to tell him to back off, then get the bouncer to deal with it. That way you would not end up with a lost drink, drink poured over you, the embarrassment, and you would not have to worry that you will get the police knock on your door for having poured a drink and slapped a man. If you were with the band and some music journos you could have been quite identifiable. Making a show of yourself and putting yourself at risk for further violence is never advisable.

Groovee Sun 03-Mar-13 10:04:52

If that had been me I would have reacted the same. I don't want to be groped at the best of times off my own husband never mind a stranger who thinks it's funny.

pigletmania Sun 03-Mar-13 10:21:49

Yanbu at all what a wanker, what gives some menthe right to violate women, as if teir bodies are public property hmm. So what if the op was drunk, there is no excuse for someone violating her body. Des tat mean no woman is allowed to be drunk and enjoy her evening, should she stick to soft drinks all evening, to prevent some wanker from assaulting her

pigletmania Sun 03-Mar-13 10:23:10

I would have photographed the idiot and gone to the police

ReluctantBeing Sun 03-Mar-13 10:25:26

What an awful thing to happen.

pigletmania Sun 03-Mar-13 10:25:57

Wellslapmythigh that is awful, what a wanker

amillionyears Sun 03-Mar-13 10:26:37

I always think, with this sort of thing, if the police have a record of it, and the man goes on to other crimes, that it could help another woman's case further down the line.
Also, I am not sure whether it wuld show up on a crb check.
Which might mean men in future might think twice about going around groping strangers's breasts.

edam Sun 03-Mar-13 10:26:54

Good grief, an MNer is sexually assaulted and all some other posters can do is tell her it's all her own fault?!

Self-defence is entirely legal (as long as it's proportionate). In the shock and disgust of being assaulted, the OP lashed out. Well done her - the dirty beggar shouldn't put his hands where they aren't wanted if he doesn't want a violent reaction.

LadyPessaryPam Sun 03-Mar-13 10:31:35

MidnightMasquerader Helpful post as usual, Holly. You're a great person to have around several hours after an event.

But she is right Midnight. Society has changed and I think it is more dangerous. She was lucky that it was only a drink over her. Even years ago at a Rolling Stones concert I got arsey with some twat who walked over me (literally, he really hurt my foot) and him and his GF laid into me. God knows what it's like now but I have heard lots of glassing stories too.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 10:32:53

It is just incredibly sad that the person making a spectacle of themselves is not the one doing the groping, but the one responding to it.

There should be outrage at his behaviour. At the place where it happened and wherever the story is recounted. I really don't get why there isn't.

LadyPessaryPam Sun 03-Mar-13 10:37:08

And I am outraged for the OP. It was disgusting behaviour by the other people and I hope she feels better now.

MrsWolowitz Sun 03-Mar-13 10:46:38

So sorry this happened to you OP.

A similar thing happened to me a few years ago where a bloke got his friend to take a photo of him clamping his arms around me and squeezing my breast. It still upsets me to think if it now sad

I agree that what you did wasn't wise and could have escalated but I totally understand why you did what you did. Hope you're feeling better and honestly, I advise you call 101 and report it. I'll bet the club/pub has CCTV.

amillionyears Sun 03-Mar-13 10:47:42

edam
"Self defence is entirely legal as long as it is proportionate".

If that is 100% true, then great. I didnt realise that.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 10:53:23

Not sure the outrage should come after the ticking off though Pam.

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 10:55:33

whatever, wellslap, I agreed it was a shit thing to happen and he was an
arsehole but I don't agree that anyone should be congratulating men or
women on slapping people and guess what? I'm entitled to my opinion...

LadyPessaryPam Sun 03-Mar-13 10:57:12

It wasn't a ticking off. Where in it is a ticking off? You are not reading what I actually wrote are you.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 11:03:29

Perhaps I should say your first focus was all in how unwise her response was, and not on what she was responding to. And I think that when that is the first focus of so many people, then it's not a huge surprise that some men still feel they can grope with impunity. Because women's behaviour is more scrutinized apparently.

Mia4 Sun 03-Mar-13 11:03:32

Sorry this happened to you OP. YANBU to be upset and angry about it. That man was very lucky the bouncers didn't get him, tbh. Those women and he friend should be the ashamed though it's obvious they deserve each other given their attitudes, so be happy to know 4 shitty people are in relationships with each other and likely to end up (if not already) being shitty to each other.

When i was in a pub and a man groped my friend between the legs, he and his laughing friend were escorted out by the bouncers at the back door and given a 'working over' to remind them not to treat women in that way.

On a side note, Digerd that isn't true for men-for groping arses or crotches. While some men may be flattered, like some women may bizarrely find random gropage flattering, some really don't. I remember a good friend of mine was at a firefly convention in the bar getting drunk while the actors were there- in fact i think it was when they'd come down for free of their own backs because the con runners had screwed people over- and a couple of women groped Nathan Fillion's arse (don't think it was the crotch). He was was furious, angry at the disrespect that these women thought they had the right to touch him up. He left right after and ruined that night for many. The two women were thrown out and Nathan came back the next day for the second part of the con.

LadyPessaryPam Sun 03-Mar-13 11:04:31

No I was just worried about her safety.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 11:04:39

What does "entitled to my opinion" mean in this context?

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 11:08:40

it means I'm allowed to think it's not okay to grope and it's not okay to
slap? Everyone's entitled to an opinion whether you agree with it or
not...

aldiwhore Sun 03-Mar-13 11:10:15

YANBU to be outraged. In answer to the title, you should be able to go ANYWHERE without being sexually assaulted.

Unfortunately you were unwise and put yourself in danger the minute you got involved in a brawl (even if punches weren't thrown, you threw your drink over the guy, you got involved in a two way volatile situation that could have ended in disaster).

For that, YABU, you managed the situation badly, even if your reaction was understandable and driven by emotional horror.

You should have gone straight to the security staff. It is horrible and has happened to me, it's shocking and a violation, but you must never EVER get embroiled in anything that has the potential for violence, unless you are absolutely sure you can win quickly and be gone!

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 11:15:51

And others people's opinions on your opinions?

They are entitled to express them too.

Do you think you should be able to air unchallenged opinions? Because otherwise, I'm not sure what the point of saying that you are entitled to your opinion is.

OP YANBU. I'm sorry this happened to you. sad The guy and the people he was with are all massive wankers, they deserve one another.

Many years ago I was in a club and all throughout the night this bloke kept harassing me. It started off with him just trying to dance with me and chat me up. But them moved on to him grabbing me around the waist and thrusting his crotch into my arse. hmm After telling him about a thousand times that I wasn't interested and to fuck off, he pinched my arse, really fucking hard, (left a bruise) angry. I turned around and he stood there laughing with his 2 mates, I punched him in the jaw and knocked him down (was quite proud of that, didn't think I had it in me). I had had quite a few by then. His mates got all affronted then, "Fucking hell love, he was only messing around". hmm Yeah cos it's all in good fun innit! hmm I nearly knocked them out too, before my sister dragged me off and we went home. I was raging at that point.

It's very sad that a woman can't just go out and enjoy herself without being subjected to gropes and nasty comments.

KatoPotato Sun 03-Mar-13 11:32:03

As Edam has mentioned, from a legal standpoint her reaction was entirely proportionate to the risk she felt she was in.

aldiwhore Sun 03-Mar-13 11:35:20

To be fair katoPotato a legal standpoint means very little when picking bits of glass from your face.

I agree, they deserved much more than to be doused with drink, they warranted an equal violation, legally her reaction was proportionate, I agree it was outrageous. However, from a self preservation standpoint, there was a wiser way to deal with it.

I am extremely shocked at the other women's reactions... they laughed. That somehow shocks me more than a drunk wanker groping someone (doens't make it right). If my DH (or partner, male friend, male member of my group) groped a woman in a pub, the last thing I would do would be to laugh.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 03-Mar-13 11:39:05

"Whatever wellslap. Im entitled to my opinion"

What a intelligent, well thought out response to mine. hmm

edam Sun 03-Mar-13 11:39:42

aldi, there may be 'a wiser way to deal with it' but in the heat of the moment, the OP reacted reasonably - in that she didn't have a chance to stop and think and ask MN what she should do right there, right then.

LadyPessaryPam Sun 03-Mar-13 11:45:24

Been thinking about this and I think my reaction also is informed by being a mother of 21 year olds. My reaction is a maternal one with first regard to the OPs safety. No way was I condoning the actions of these tossers who assaulted her.

yaimee Sun 03-Mar-13 11:48:22

I was once punched in the face by a man in a nightclub because I had the nerve to bat his hand away after he forcefully shoved it up my skirt and was grabbing at my knickers. As I turned to tell him exactly what I thought of him he punched me in the face. angry
That was about ten years ago, I had hope things had improved slightly but obviously not. Poor you. I'm glad you stood up to them!

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 11:49:24

I think that your daughters would also deserve to hear outrage at the other person's actions first. And sons certainly should.

LadyPessaryPam Sun 03-Mar-13 11:51:42

Oh give it a rest Fallen.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 11:58:23

Thank you for your post re self defence, Edam.

If OP had taken the bloke's photo, I suspect she'd have had her camera/phone snatched off her.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy Sun 03-Mar-13 11:58:53

I was yelled at by a group of (drunk?) men during the day yesterday. Along the lines of 'Coor alright treacle!' Barely an inch from my ear. In front of my 1 yo and 6yo.

When my eldest asked in his own terms wtf the man was doing, I took it as an oppotunity to explain to him in terms he will understand that basically there are wankers out there that do not respect women (I did not use that phrase to him. But that is what they are) and that I know when he is older he would never treat a woman that way because he is kind and nice etc etc

Its never to early to teach your sons how the should be respecting women. And teaching daughters how they should expect to be respected.

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 12:00:11

Eh? Look, I get that you don't think it's ok to grope someone, but I am gobsmacked at the proportion if responses on here that are about what the OP did and not the man who assaulted her.

And when she wakes up, I think I'd like her to read some posts that challenge them.

Hide the thread?

TheFallenMadonna Sun 03-Mar-13 12:01:05

Sorry, I'm assuming she's asleep! When she cones back...

edam Sun 03-Mar-13 12:06:12

I'm glad the self-defence post has been useful but am shocked that people don't know that you are allowed to defend yourself against assault (within reason, and reason is based on the reasonable reaction of someone in that moment, not someone who has gone home and thought about it calmly).

Defending yourself against assault is all well and good, providing that you dont end up more hurt, or as the op discovered, soaking wet and humiliated. sad

I dont think many women are in a position to defend themselves against a man in a group. angry

People like him should have his hand chopped off! angry Fuming.

amillionyears Sun 03-Mar-13 12:35:28

Is self defence allowed against assault if there is no reason to think you will get further assaulted?

As a woman, I would feel too vulnerable to attack back at a man in a group, I rather just try and walk away from the situation. Maybe it makes me a coward, or maybe just self preservation.

were escorted out by the bouncers at the back door and given a 'working over' to remind them not to treat women in that way.
The two women were thrown out

How would we have felt if the women had been "worked over"?

Using violence against men like this only perpetuates the "macho" culture and right to behave outside the law,it doesn't solve anything.

The OP didn't defend herself,she went on to commit a form of assault by throwing the drink, if it also hit the people around them, did they have the right to wade in?

I have been subjected to this behaviour many times, it is shocking that other women defend men like this, but look at the mothers who defend their sons right to commit DV.

The law should be used, rather than an attack back, you are more likly to keep your dignity and safety,if you have the perpitrator removed.

amillionyears Sun 03-Mar-13 12:58:04

I am hoping a police man or woman can come on here, or a legal person to say what the legal position is on this.
Unless edam you are police?

op, when you have recovered sufficiently from last night, it may be a good idea to have a word with your local police to find out the exact legal position.
Though I assume you dont know the man, though I wouldnt have thought it might be too difficult to find out who it was?

Samu2 Sun 03-Mar-13 12:58:11

This is one of the reasons why I do not go out to busy pubs at a weekend. This used to happen to me a lot when I was younger. I was always shocked by the amount of drunk men who thought that behaviour was acceptable.

I once had a man put his hand up my skirt, he got a nice kick in the balls from me.

I am sorry this happened to you OP and I don't blame you for throwing your drink over him.

BinksToEnlightenment Sun 03-Mar-13 13:02:08

Some of you have really bad attitudes.

I too have been groped and I have thrown my drink over them, taken their drink off them to throw over them and gone to the bar to buy another drink and thrown that over them. Good on you, OP! I'm sorry that you were in that situation but good on you for sticking up for yourself.

Also YY means thumbs up.

MomaP Sun 03-Mar-13 13:02:18

OP, Your DH is better than mine!
Mine would of gone and battered the bastard!

WhatsTheBuzz Sun 03-Mar-13 13:16:20

because,
I have been personally insulted by at least two posters on this thread.
Now, this isn't really my problem though I haven't stooped to that
level. My opinion remains that the guy was a cunt and deserving of a
pint over his head. However, if you think that a man who hits a woman is
wrong then you should think the same about a woman hitting a man in the
same situation.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 13:25:27

Hi, I've woken up now!

I'm pleased to see all the shocked/angry responses at the man's actions.

I'm just going to clarify what happened now I'm sober, as a few people have been confused by my op.
i bought myself and my husband a drink, we were both holding our own drinks. DH walked ahead of me towards his friends. The bar was incredibly full which meant that as I was squeezing through crowds and to avoid spilling my drink on anyone as I passed them, I tried to hold it above my head. This is when the man, who was a total stranger, groped my breast. As a knee jerk reaction, I chucked my drink in his face, when he laughed at me I felt really impotent and humiliated so, rightly or wrongly I hit him, (I am actually unsure as to whether I actually hit him or just pushed him, I wrote last night that I slapped him but I have an image in my mind now of pushing) then as I was challenging him on his actions, his friend tipped a drink down my top, so I threw my drink over him and had a go at him. At this point, the whole group (2 women, 2 men) were all laughing and mocking me.
I then made my way over to DH and friends, I tried to tell DH what had happened, but he couldn't hear me well over the music and thought someone had bumped into me and spilled my drink over me.
DH went to the loo not long after this and I suddenly felt really overwhelmed and started crying, the singer from the band saw me, and took me to a quieter part of the bar to ask what was wrong, I told him, he was disgusted with the man and very kind. As was the bouncer when I left and DH has been very supportive and feels awful that he didn't understand what I was saying. All three were willing to challenge the man on his behaviour, but as I said in op the groping man and friends had left by the time I had got myself together.

Thanks to all the replies, even the ones challenging me on my reaction, as I said, I don't condone violence and it didn't get me anywhere. the correct thing to do would have been to get a photo of the man and go straight to the bouncer/manager/police. But how many of us think logically in this kind of situation? I don't think what I did was wrong, but it was not ideal.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Sun 03-Mar-13 13:34:16

Glad you're doing OK OP

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 13:35:49

I have contacted the bar to ask if they got it on CCTV. Fingers crossed they have, can't stand the idea of him walking around telling his mates this hilarious story about this and thinking it's perfectly ok to sexually assault people.

ChairmanWow Sun 03-Mar-13 13:39:48

Hope you're feeling okay Bubblegum. I've been in your situation on several occasions in my youth and have reacted in similar ways. I don't think you were unreasonable in the slightest. Anyone who has been in your situation will know how powerless and humiliated it leaves you feeling. Lashing out is a natural response and frankly the nasty bastard completely deserved it. I think very few women, in the wake of being sexually assaulted in a loud, busy environment after a few drinks would calmly get their phone out and take a photo.

Sounds like you're not letting some of the more negative comments get to you and not should you.

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 03-Mar-13 13:40:14

Could you not get your DH to write up an article about this and try and get various bands involved.

Turn something nasty in to something proactive.

amillionyears Sun 03-Mar-13 13:41:25

Well done BubblegumPie

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 13:42:14

That's a good idea Boney, I'll ask him.

Remotecontrolduck Sun 03-Mar-13 13:45:07

This is just disgusting. I don't drink alcohol so rarely am in pubs and clubs at night but no one should be subject to this. I'm amazed at how widespread it is, and how you've been criticised for defending yourself in a way which was probably unwise looking back, but we all do unwise things in a vulnerable position.

I hate how no one ever properly tackles this sort of sexual assault. Police need to take this seriously. We need to promote the message that it is NEVER acceptable to touch someone sexually without their permission.

Mia4 Sun 03-Mar-13 14:51:36

Birdsgottafly actually one of the bouncers is female and has given a 'working over' to a woman that tried to glass another woman in the past so they're equal opportunities. Personally i think the police should be called but at the end of the day if you hit someone or grope someone then be prepared for a reaction-whatever it may be. Those men deserved what they got, they weren't maimed or humiliated, they were given a beating yes but i hope their bruises and dented pride makes them think twice. My friend suffers from anxiety and getting her to go out was a massive step and their assault was a massive set back that had her extremely upset and too freaked out to go anywhere for months after.

Personally if it were my son or daughter and they behave that way and someone smacks them down for it, tough shit. I'd hate it but people that do that sort of thing are nothing more then bullies who think they are entitled too and can do it because people will grit their teeth and put up with it. Getting slapped or punched a few times would teach them a lesson and make them think twice. Yes, being glassed or maimed would be grossly disproportionate and fucking horror if but a few slaps and punches, serves them right.

Goldenbear Sun 03-Mar-13 15:20:33

BubblegumPie, good on you! At the end of the day sexual assault is a violent crime and a hostile act and as such you acted in self defence. If this had happened to you in a dark alley way with only the attacker present and no audience to humiliate you, those suggesting you shouldn't have hit him would I'm sure say you acted in self defence. The context is different but the crime is the same.

Good luck with the CCTV.

edam Sun 03-Mar-13 15:27:43
edam Sun 03-Mar-13 15:28:45

This is the bit that applies to the OP's circumstances: 'The Criminal Justice and Immigration Act 2008 enshrines the right of people to use “reasonable force” to protect themselves, others or property. Any act of self-defence, for example against a burglar, must be “reasonable in the circumstances” as perceived by the victim.'

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 15:30:28

Thankyou edam that's very useful. I will hopefully be quoting that to the police soon. I am still waiting to hear back from the bar.

aldiwhore Sun 03-Mar-13 15:38:11

bubblegumpie I have no issue with you at all, and hope that by pointing out my opinion on self preservation you didn't think I thought you were as bad as the offender. Like you say, being wise and reacting doesn't always happen at the same time.

I just couldn't join in with the 'well done' wishers without pointing out that this isn't something to be advised in that situation, even if it's understandable, proportionate, legal and instinctive!

I think you're right in contacting the bar regarding the CCTV, BUT (because I have to say it) the footage, because of your reaction/camera angles etc., may not look as cut and dry as you say it was (and I believe you by the way) - another reason not to react violently... better from an evidential point of view.

I hope you're okay anyway, it really REALLY is upsetting when it happens.

Fleecyslippers Sun 03-Mar-13 15:45:26

The OP posted after being sexually assaulted.
A lot of people on this thread need to do some serious work on their attitudes towards sexual assaults on women hmm

OP I hope you are ok.

MechanicalTheatre Sun 03-Mar-13 15:52:00

YANBU OP

I once wore a sleeveless top to a gig. I got groped so much from behind that I left.

alistron1 Sun 03-Mar-13 15:59:38

When I was 19 I was out with DP one night in a quiet little pub. I went to the loo and on my way back to our table a bloke put his hand down the front of my top.

My reaction was similar to the OP - I slapped him. He was with a group who thought it was hilarious. One woman in the group told me that I was out of order for over reacting.

I can't explain how violated and humiliated I felt at that point, and yes - in that situation a fright/flight response takes over.

flippinada Sun 03-Mar-13 16:14:30

The OP was assaulted. She comes on upset looking for a bit of support and you get the usual dullards and victim blamers wading in with their dim witted commentary.

Bubblegum you were not unreasonable and I'm really sorry you had such an awful experience.

flippinada Sun 03-Mar-13 16:23:04

It's a sad commentary on our society that peoples knee jerk reaction is to tell off someone who's been assaulted for a)not reacting correctly and b)making a show of herself.

Crawling Sun 03-Mar-13 16:24:42

I worked in a pretty rough nightclub and this used to happen at least once a weekend to me.

The worst of the events was when I was cleaning the mens toilet a man followed me in and stuck a needle to my throat. I stood up slowly and he shut the door. He said there was crack in there and that it was dirty. He said if I screamed or tried to get away hed plunge it in my neck.

He undid my blouse and started fumbbling with my trousers then he thrust his tongue in my mouth and as he did the needle slipped so I bit his tongue. There was loads of blood and while he was disoriented I grabbed the back of his head and slammed it into the wall and ran out.

I was so hysterical the bouncer just threw him out not realising how far he had actually gone. I dont think its right for men to grope women but I doubt police would do much. I constantly had hands on my bum and boobs when I was bending to get glasses or bottles.

Crawling Sun 03-Mar-13 16:28:27

But my mum and dp made me stop working there after that as I was 18 and early stages of pg at the time.

flippinada Sun 03-Mar-13 16:31:34

Crawling what a horrific thing to happen. Thank goodness you got out of there ok.

Crawling Sun 03-Mar-13 16:34:33

I feel bad that I didnt tell the police but for some reason I couldnt remember what he looked like at all. Not even hair colour. So I thought it was pointless.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 16:36:34

Aldi like I said I appreciate all the replies, even the ones challenging me. In an ideal world I would not have hit him, but got a photo and contacted the police with the picture. But In an ideal world I would not have been groped in the first place.

HillBilly76 Sun 03-Mar-13 16:37:02

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Crawling Sun 03-Mar-13 16:38:42

While the club was open and I was always sent in alone too which is probably a very bad idea.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 16:38:43

Oh crawling I'm so sorry that happened to you sad How terrifying.

HillBilly76 Sun 03-Mar-13 16:41:50

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Crawling Sun 03-Mar-13 16:44:13

Hillbilly men did clean the womens toilet while it was open they didnt really care about rules or anything they employed me on the bar at 17.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 16:45:03

They do, as long as they knock and call out to say that they are male and are coming in to clean it's supposed to be ok hmm Stupid idea.

Crawling Sun 03-Mar-13 16:47:40

Yep also used to make you clean blood up with no gloves available it was a horrid place to work but as a student it was good money above min wage and I used to get a free cab home so I didnt question to much.

mrsstewpot Sun 03-Mar-13 17:09:04

I've been thinking about this thread all day and I'm so angry on your behalf OP. That man, his mate and the 2 women they were with should be ashamed of themselves.

Several years ago whilst on a coach I was groped by a male passenger sitting on the aisle seat and I just froze. I did nothing.

I would give anything to go back in time a smack him one. I really don't care if that is considered the wrong reaction. I felt trapped and vulnerable and he banked on the fact that I would be scared and just accept what was happening.

Completely understand what others are saying about getting yourself into trouble by reacting the way you did, but ultimately he bloody deserved it.

Hope you're ok OP - you have my sympathy and my admiration.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 17:18:13

I've been teary eyed all day and it's brought back memories of being about 10, walking home from school with a medal I had won, a man stopped me to ask about the medal and then to 'congratulate' me made me kiss him on the lips. Which I did. I didn't want to but I felt intimidated by him and thought if I did so he'd leave me alone. Thankfully afterwards I managed to run off but I felt dirty and ashamed for years afterwards, the filthy bastard probably went home and wanked over it. I've never told anyone about it.

flippinada Sun 03-Mar-13 17:38:15

Bubblegum I'm not surprised. Stuff like that can "remind" you of similar incidents from your past.

Don't beat yourself up for how you reacted, you had an awful shock.

Sadly I'm not surprised at the involvement of women. I had a similar incident happened to me on a bus a while back, I was so shaky and upset after.

andubelievedthat Sun 03-Mar-13 17:38:22

if u are in a drinking establishment where the bouncers ? will give a patron a "right seeing to" out the back ,as some posters are suggesting ,trust me on this one, you are in the wrong place. there are 2 laws (?) one > up in court law ,and ,"in the allayway ,law, u choose, and in chosing one u are chosing two(iuswim)

flippinada Sun 03-Mar-13 17:42:16

Sorry last para sounds a bit odd.

To clarify, the incident that happened to me, women were involved, standing up for the assaulter.

I was made to feel like I was being embarrassing ave making a scene by standing up for myself.

Darkesteyes Sun 03-Mar-13 17:45:59

Sorry to hear this has happened to you Bubblegum. Last nights incident and the one when you were a child.
I think i would either have reacted the way you did or just froze. In a way its like a reflex action to immediately defend yourself. In a situation like that there isnt time to stand there and analyse.
Sadly im also not surprised at the involvement of those handmaidens.
Hope you are ok

ShellyBoobs Sun 03-Mar-13 17:47:39

So sorry to hear about your awful experience, OP.

I think it's absolutely acceptable to react to an assault like that in the way you did.

The vile pervert who assaulted you is obviously used to getting away with sexual assault; perhaps he'll think twice now?

PurpleMacaroon Sun 03-Mar-13 17:58:39

I'm sorry I'm slightly confused by your second OP as you said -

i bought myself and my husband a drink, we were both holding our own drinks.

As a knee jerk reaction, I chucked my drink in his face

tipped a drink down my top, so I threw my drink over him and had a go at him

How did you manage to chuck the same drink over two different people twice?

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 18:00:08

There was some left.

I'm not very practiced in throwing drinks over people, maybe I did it wrong [shrugs]

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 18:00:50

bloody emoticons

Maybe it's [shrug]

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 18:01:03

nope! Bah

ChildlikeConfusion Sun 03-Mar-13 18:02:21

There isn't a shrug emoticon - that's probably why it didn't work.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 18:03:00

There is, I've seen people use it. It might have a different name though

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 18:04:12

Do you mean the hmm emoticon?

hmm

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 18:06:21

no, there's a little head with some arms I think.

ChildlikeConfusion Sun 03-Mar-13 18:08:23

Never seen a shrug one on Mumsnet.

Only ever the Smileys listed beneath.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 18:10:26

Oh I wonder where I saw it? Never mind!

Fraying Sun 03-Mar-13 18:41:38

Sorry this happened to you Bubblegum . I think you're right - in an ideal world you wouldn't be groped in a pub, and you wouldn't react. I must admit I did the same. A guy grabbed my backside in a busy pub once. It was so mobbed I couldn't turn round but I had an umbrella in my hand and hit the groping hand with it. It probably wasn't the most sensible response but it was the instinctive one . . .and it stopped the groping.

MamaMary Sun 03-Mar-13 19:19:29

Shocked at some of the replies on this thread. I can't believe the no of posters givong the OP a hard time, just because she acted in self defence.

OP that was a horrible thing to happen and I for one am glad you showed the man how unacceptable his behaviour was.

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised that his female friends stood up for him, given some of the replies on here.

Also really shocked at some of the replies. And some of the incidents other people are recounting.

Does anyone else remember the thread that was on here asking how many posters had been sexually assaulted in their life? It was a scary scary number of posters who replied that yes they had been.
It's so fucking prevalent in society, and the fact that it is accepted and almost normalised is beyond frightening.

MidnightMasquerader Sun 03-Mar-13 19:36:16

Nice to see people turning up on the thread focusing on the important thing, first and foremost. smile

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 19:37:12

I've heard some horror stories in rl today too. One friend was grabbed by a man in a club and dragged into the middle of a group of men who then pulled at her clothes, groped her and made disgusting comments about her body and what they'd like to do to her. Thankfully she managed to get away. Another friend recalled a time where a couple of men were stood outside the women's toilets waiting to slap their arses as they walked to and from the loos.

thebody Sun 03-Mar-13 19:43:19

It's absolutely disgusting but honestly op you could have been glassed.

Life long scarring or loss of an eye wasn't worth it.

BubblegumPie Sun 03-Mar-13 19:46:16

yes, we've already covered that thebody

TattyDevine Sun 03-Mar-13 19:51:12

I think its up to the OP whether it was worth it or not, actually, as it was HER it happened to.

amillionyears Sun 03-Mar-13 20:02:20

I want to know what the police do about sexual assault. Otherwise all women do is talk, and men can carry on getting away with it.

KellyElly Mon 04-Mar-13 16:17:28

That's awful OP. I slapped a bouncer around the face when I was 19 after he tried to shove his hands inside my knickers. I got punched in the face and chucked out of the Club. I stupidly didn't report it. If a man assaulted me like that again I would still slap him round his face or probably punch him now You did nothing wrong, he did!

BubblegumPie Mon 04-Mar-13 16:22:23

Thanks kelly What a twat, taking advantage of his position like that.

I haven't heard back from the bar WRT the CCTV, so I'm going to give them a few more days to reply and if I still haven't heard anything I will ring them.

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