Im a terrible mother

(43 Posts)
Wishfulmakeupping Sat 02-Mar-13 06:17:08

Dd is 4 weeks old tonight I set my alarm to feed her at 4am we actually woke up at 5.50 sad
I set an alarm as baby crying isn't always waking me up (I exhusted), my oh was going to be helping out last night so I could rest - he would do Nappies and burping I would only need to nurse but he slept through alarm
Too. Im sat here crying whist feeding her- she must have been crying with hunger for ages poor little thing and we slept through it. I'm so angry with myself and my oh we're fucking shit

TanteRose Sat 02-Mar-13 06:20:13

The first few weeks are so exhaust

whingeosaurusrex Sat 02-Mar-13 06:21:11

There's no way you've slept through nearly 2 hours of crying. Really, she would have got to that proper angry stage and when the tone changed it would definitely have roused you. She probably just slept a bit later. She's fine, don't worry!

TanteRose Sat 02-Mar-13 06:21:50

Sorry, so exhausting, aren't they

You are NOT shit - you feeding her now, just take it one thing at a time

I assume she is in the same room as you?

littlewhitebag Sat 02-Mar-13 06:22:23

I really wouldn't worry about it. You obviously needed the sleep and your DD will be fine. You don't know she was crying for ages - she might have slept longer too and her crying woke you. If this is the most shit thing you will do as a parent you will be doing well!

Feed your baby, have a cup of tea and get some more sleep if you can. All will be well and your DD won't resent you for ever.

cozietoesie Sat 02-Mar-13 06:23:20

You're not terrible - you're both just exhausted. Babies are tough little blighters really (they need to be) and it will all look a lot better once the day has started. As soon as you see her sleeping peacefully you'll feel much improved.

Try and get some proper sleep - is there any short term strategy you could use?

TanteRose Sat 02-Mar-13 06:23:37

Agree with whinge, too - she probably only woke up a bit before you did

You're doing fine - don't be too hard on yourself

nellyjelly Sat 02-Mar-13 06:23:56

If she is in the same room I doubt you slept through her crying.

MammaTJ Sat 02-Mar-13 06:24:16

I once slept through my DS crying. So much so, my neighbours across the road rang me to find out what was going on. blush

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 02-Mar-13 06:24:37

Yes she's in a Moses basket next to my head god knows how I slept through both, I feel sick about the whole thing

cozietoesie Sat 02-Mar-13 06:26:28

Don't feel sick. She's feeding and the sky isn't falling.

Greydog Sat 02-Mar-13 06:30:26

Don't panic - she won't have come to any harm, you need the sleep, don't thrash yourself over this - have a cup of tea and calm down x

LondonKitty Sat 02-Mar-13 06:36:49

Those early weeks are just so exhausting. Don't give yourself such a hard time. She's being fed and cared for, and soon it will get easier.

MummyPig24 Sat 02-Mar-13 06:37:30

It's easily done, when you are so exhausted your body just takes what it needs. You wouldn't have slept through her crying for 2 hours, definitely not!

DeepRedBetty Sat 02-Mar-13 06:37:37

I too doubt she was crying much more than five minutes before you woke up. That newborn wail is so hard wired into our brains, I really don't think you'd have been able to sleep through it for much longer. You are not a terrible mother, just a knackered one!

MusicalEndorphins Sat 02-Mar-13 06:38:29

She is ok, don't beat yourself up so much.
I suggest you try and sleep on the same schedule as the baby. Don't waste time on housework or think you have to stay awake in the day. When baby sleeps, you sleep. Every hour helps. smile

TroublesomeEx Sat 02-Mar-13 06:50:38

Oh I bet she just slept later herself today too.

How did she seem?

You wouldn't have slept through her crying for that long because your natural sleep cycle would have taken you into a lighter sleep during that time.

But not only that, if she'd been that distressed for that long, she'd be unable to feed now because of that horrible stilted breathing thing you get when you've been crying hard for a while.

So Dr FolkGirl <disclaimer: I'm not a doctor of any variety and the above might be bollocks> says that you are a good mother and your baby is fine. smile

Fairylea Sat 02-Mar-13 07:20:05

I doubt you slept through her crying.

As a side note, why are you setting an alarm to feed her anyway? A lot of babies do start to go longer at this age (mine both slept through from 6-12 weeks) so you may be doing yourself out of sleep! If they are hungry they will wake you... unless you have been specifically told by a gp or consultant to wake for feeds??

sashh Sat 02-Mar-13 07:20:23

Yes she's in a Moses basket next to my head god knows how I slept through both

You didn't.

You slept through the alarm, you woke with your baby's crying.

At some level your brain heard the alarm but as your baby wasn't crying you didn't wake up.

nosleeps Sat 02-Mar-13 07:57:34

Calm down, stop giving yourself a hard time. Turn off the alarm.
You did not sleep through. She just slept a bit longer.
Have a nice lazy day and sleep when she sleeps.

ArtVandelay Sat 02-Mar-13 08:11:43

I remember being so tired and confused at 4 weeks. I used to make a daily timetable for feeding and changing etc because l couldn't even think. If I look at them now (i saved them) I can see that I added all the times up wrong and I was acting mad, frankly!

I really believe your baby slept a bit longer than usual and you are a great Mum, if a bit tired :D

nilbyname Sat 02-Mar-13 08:14:53

You slept through an alarm and your baby woke you with their crying! You are doing fine, don't sweat it.

Why are you setting an alarm?

NotSoNervous Sat 02-Mar-13 08:17:02

She wouldn't have been crying for 2 hours it would have disturbed you if she got to that stage

Don't beat yourself up over this, forget it and move on. You aren't a terrible mother

The first few weeks are SO hard, try not to be too tough on yourself. I really do doubt very much that you slept through 2 hours of crying if she was right next to you...

Turn off the alarm...babies at 4 weeks old rarely feed to a timetable and she would not have known what the time was.

You're doing fine, in a few weeks you'll back on this stage and you'll wonder how you got through it....but you will...it gets easier, I promise.

Ditch the alarm. I dont see why you need one unless your LO has to take medication during the night.

Your baby will wake you when they are hungry. I can sleep through most things but my DD is next to my head too and she never fails to wake me, she is tiny but if she wants feeding the whole street knows grin I doubt very much you slept through 2 hours of crying.

Even if you did let her cry for a bit, so what, it wasn't on purpose..she was safe in her basket. Stop beating yourself up. You are doing great.

Emilythornesbff Sat 02-Mar-13 08:28:50

Congratulations on the birth of your baby.
I promise that you didn't sleep through her crying for any significant time.
Yu are not a terrible mother. You are a normal woman who is being a good mum to her new baby and is exhausted. As most of are with a 4 week old baby.

In my tearful moments i found it useful to talk to my hv (i don't have many local "mummy" friends) just getting off your chest how you feel can be really theraputic.
Massive unmumsnetty hug to you.
Em

CalpolInMyEar Sat 02-Mar-13 08:29:24

Another vote for really doubting you slept through two hours of crying. I remember the first time my DS slept through a feed I woke up convinced something must be wrong and woke him up myself trying to check he was ok!

I do remember the early days paranoia though so have a brew and take today easy.

Emilythornesbff Sat 02-Mar-13 08:29:50

Besides, it was her cry you responded to rather than the alarm. That's the way it should be. You are obviously in tune with your baby.

Lueji Sat 02-Mar-13 08:33:29

There's no way you slept through her crying. smile
The alarm yes, but not her crying.

Forget the alarms. Babies should not be woken up to be fed.
They wake up and wake you up when they are hungry. And if they sleep longer, all the better for you.

lollystix Sat 02-Mar-13 08:44:13

Please don't beat yourself up. I gave up setting alarms and just let them wake me with their crying - which she did. She is fed now and fine. She will not hold this against you. You're doing fine - honestly! Please don't waste any more time worrying.

Smudging Sat 02-Mar-13 08:54:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Agree with pp's - if she's right next to you there is no hope in hell you slept through her crying. Any time mine so much as whimpers it's like a gun firing for me!

Why are you waking her? Feed on demand - therein lies the path to a little extra sleep.

Buzzardbird Sat 02-Mar-13 09:31:50

Yes, ditch the alarm. Babies are alarms. No need to wake them until they are ready (unless for meds obv)

Wishfulmakeupping Sat 02-Mar-13 09:50:30

Thanks all- reason for alarm was because I've read somewhat for the first couple of months EBF babies need to nurse at least every 4 hours so she actually went nearly 6 hours.
I know what everyone is saying about hearing her cry but my oh actually woke me up so if he hadn't of been there I'm not sure if I would have slept longer. I'm thinking that because I knew oh was helping out last night I fully relaxed and switched off/ either way I need to get some sleep so will try and catch up today. Thanks for trying to reassurance me

nilbyname Sat 02-Mar-13 10:10:17

I do not know where you have read such dross, but EBF babies should be fed on demand. They cry/demand, you feed.

I am glad that you were able to switch off and get some good, that is really healthy for you and really great your babay is going for longer stretches.

Lots of wet/poopy nappies, weight gain, and a good look about your baby, then you have nothing to worry about. Enjoy these early weeks they go so fast.

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 02-Mar-13 10:15:44

If she was next to your head she wouldn't have screamed for 2 hours as you'd have woken up. The fact that you think you're a terrible mother because you slept through your alarm for feeding shows that you care and are a good mum.

TeeBee Sat 02-Mar-13 10:24:28

You sound like a lovely, caring mum to me. I used to do the four hour thing, it really stressed my baby out. I also read Gina Ford and felt I needed to try that. That (ahem) didn't suit my child. I realised that I was doing four hours from the start of the previous feed, not the end of it. Anyway, I switched to just feeding when he wanted it and it got much better. If your baby is happy to sleep longer than four hours at night, that is fab because he/she is ready to go longer and is eeking out the feeds. This is normal and great news for you on the sleeping front. Agree, if LO is sleeping right next to you that you would have been woken with a full on cry. If he was whimpering and you didn't lift him, also a good thing because he may well just be in a light period of sleep and probably put himself back to sleep. Again, all good. You are doing great.

BubblegumPie Sat 02-Mar-13 10:34:01

I've read somewhat for the first couple of months EBF babies need to nurse at least every 4 hours so she actually went nearly 6 hours.

I bet she feeds more frequently through the day to make up for it! It all balances out, as long as she seems content and alert (when awake) and is producing wet nappies you're doing fine.

I agree with others, ditch the alarm and try to relax

TroublesomeEx Sat 02-Mar-13 10:41:12

I've read somewhat for the first couple of months EBF babies need to nurse at least every 4 hours

Step away from the baby books!!!! grin

EBF babies need feeding on demand. That means sometimes they're hungrier than others. Feeding an EBF baby on some sort of timer is daft and you'll only stress yourself out when she wants to lie on the sofa with you feeding non-stop, and then again when she doesn't seem to want it at the allotted time.

Feed her when she cries and roots, let her sleep the rest of the time, don't wake her for a feed, sleep when she does, don't bother with the washing up.

Congratulations and enjoy her. Seriously, it's fine.

Fakebook Sat 02-Mar-13 10:42:49

No, ebf babies are normally fed on demand. In special cases (like an underweight newborn) it is advised to breastfeed every four hours even if baby is asleep. I was told to do this with my DS. You should know when she's crying with hunger because she'll root for your breast. I'd also get rid of the alarm.

Flobbadobs Sat 02-Mar-13 10:44:50

You're already attuned to your baby if the alarm isn't waking you up but the baby is!
Unbelievable as it might be some babies can sleep 5 or 6 hours straight before waking for a feed, make the most of this, it may not last! (I'm looking at you DD2)
And I agree with folkgirl keep away from the baby books, no good will come of them!

Fairylea Sat 02-Mar-13 11:08:32

Just wanted to add - ALL babies should be fed on demand, not just ebf babies. Formula fed babies should also be fed on demand... I'm convinced mine slept through earlier than most partly due to me feeding them whenever they wanted even if it was only two hours later etc.

OxfordBags Sat 02-Mar-13 11:59:08

EBF means feeding on demand. So if she slept for 6 hrs, it means she didn't need it for 6 hrs. Another night, she might want feeding every hour, on the hour. Please don't beat yourself up, I can assure that you didn't sleep through her crying, not with her right next to you.

It's so hard in those early days, but try to stop worrying about etting every minute detail as perfect as the books say, because that way madness lies, AND you'll be so busy worrying about tiny things and reading stuff, questioning everything, feeling a failure, that you'll actually have less time to dote on DD and she'll have a sad and stressed Mummy.

If you're worrying about this level of detail, then trust me, you are not a bad mother smile

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