to be irritated by cousin's list of what to do with her baby?

(85 Posts)
MrsMushroom Wed 27-Feb-13 21:31:35

Baby is 9 months. I have had 2 of my own.

Cousin asked me to care for baby next week and has emailed a list of when she feeds and when to offer feed....she also lists when the baby watches some tv and when she naps.

I though hmm...ok...PFB, I'll offer the bottle/food when the list says...and if baby wont oblige then I'll just do as the baby wants and play it by ear.

But she has now asked me to txt her at each point in the baby's list...so eg baby has her bottle on schedule...I txt her to say it's happened. Baby naps on schedule...I text. I get that she is anxious but it's ONE day. Not even a full day!

Should I send random texts saying "Baby refused bottle, is having a rare steak on kitchen floor" and "Baby would not nap so is playing with neighbours children on path outside."

Or would that be too mean?

Dromedary Wed 27-Feb-13 21:34:15

Her demands are pretty ridiculous. I would just say you're happy to help out and will do your best to follow her schedule but will only text if there's a problem. Then don't text unless there's a major emergency. If she needs the time off she'll accept that, and it will be good for her.

Kayano Wed 27-Feb-13 21:34:28

Yes

As you've said it's not even one day and she is probably just anxious.

Just suck it up and she'll be more relaxed next time. No need to get on a fellow mothers case and get all sarcastic

fossil971 Wed 27-Feb-13 21:34:29

You will really have to go with the flow, but maybe she would be up for some kind of PFB award? grin.

Twinkletoes91 Wed 27-Feb-13 21:34:33

Do it, I'm sure she will have a giggle and might stop her being so anxious xxxx

Passmethecrisps Wed 27-Feb-13 21:34:48

I started off thinking maybe you were being a bit mean. However, I like your text suggestions so go with those!

I am inclined to think she shouldn't leave the baby if she is so concerned about what happens when. The likelihood is that by being left the baby will go a bit weird anyway.

If I were you and not being funny I would just text her what she wants to hear as long as all is well.

maddening Wed 27-Feb-13 21:35:00

Why would you do that? Surely you remember being a new mum being away from your own pfb?

Yabu imo - surely it's good to know the schedule? Surely it's nice to ensure that your cousin might feel less anxious with the odd reassuring text? Help her gain confidence in leaving her baby and have a little compassion as a fellow mum.

CognitiveOverload Wed 27-Feb-13 21:36:12

Cant you just help her out and do as she wants...first child is always anxiety inducing.

BridgetBidet Wed 27-Feb-13 21:36:31

Can you not just be nice and realise she is anxious?

HildaOgden Wed 27-Feb-13 21:37:26

Precious First Born Syndrome.Understandable,but incredibly irritating.You need to draw up your own list.

1.You'll do your best to stick to the routine.
2.You won't be contacting her unless there is a problem.And that she should work on the assumption that 'no news is good news'.

None of this constant checking occured before mobile phones,you know.And people were a lot less stressed too.--climbs down from soapbox--

Flisspaps Wed 27-Feb-13 21:37:53

I'd just do as she asks. It's only one day. I was fucking awful when DD was little (DS I'd gladly leave with pretty much anyone!)

She's trusting you with her PFB, and her demands aren't too bonkers. It's not like she's asking you to run Skype all day so she can watch you at any given time.

One day, she'll be blush about it, and forever indebted that you did as she asked.

Annunziata Wed 27-Feb-13 21:38:05

Leave the poor girl alone, it's horrible leaving your baby for the first time. You'll laugh about it together in a few years.

RedPencils Wed 27-Feb-13 21:39:55

Aw i remember those days. I'm ashamed to admit that I also provided my mother with a similar list when she first looked after my DTs for the day. And I phoned her a lot to check that the babies hadnt combusted in the 5 minutes since I last phoned her. I barely stop the car now when I drop them off before school now.

I think you have to indulge her a little bit. She'll soon ease off.

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 21:39:57

I would be tempted to say you are bloody BONKERS but of course i I wouldnt I would say that I have had babies before and you will do your best to carry out his schedule and tell her to relax the baby will be fine she sounds anxious and bonkers

Passmethecrisps Wed 27-Feb-13 21:40:22

Been thinking about this and I think you could reach a nice compromise (not that I have been considering the fact that I would be just a bad or anything)

Suggest that you will do your utmost to follow the schedule but want to give her a break. You will keep a wee note of timings, food and so on which she can get when she comes back as this might impact on her evening. Then take a few pics of baby smiling, playing, sleeping like a lamb and so on and maybe send her these.

LaQueen Wed 27-Feb-13 21:40:29

She's a crazed loon of epic proportions.

When she texts you, asking what's going on...just reply with 'What baby?'

BrainDeadMama Wed 27-Feb-13 21:40:47

Ha ha ha.

The list is hilarious- tv time for a 9 month old!? But I would go with it- the baby will hopefully feel happy in her routine, and it will probably also make your life easier.

But texting her at each step is way OTT. Say no in the nicest possible way, give her a nice phone update when the baby has her tv time instead!

BackforGood Wed 27-Feb-13 21:41:02

No, Maddening, Cognitive, and Briget - the precise list of what the baby normally does, is PFB and understandable.
The expecting texts throughout the day is ridiculous. (Yes I do remember leaving mine for the first time).
OP is being nice - she's having the baby for the day.

piprabbit Wed 27-Feb-13 21:41:49

She thinks she is helping you by giving you the baby's routine, it might just help you both get through the day with minimum fuss.

She is being slightly peculiar expecting texts that correspond to the timetable. Just make sure you text her regularly as she is obviously a worried about the whole day. But maybe stick to the "Baby's fine - having fun".

FeckOffCup Wed 27-Feb-13 21:43:34

YANBU to think you don't have to stick to the routine rigidly if the baby has other ideas but YABU in your attitude towards your cousin. Some people are natural worriers, I am one of them and I can't relax on a night out unless DH has texted me that DD has taken her bedtime milk and gone to sleep and DD is 2 now.

LaQueen Wed 27-Feb-13 21:44:14

Still...maybe I would be kinder...still remember offering to change newborn DN's nappy, and SIL accepting...then anxiously hovering over me the entire time, checking I was doing it right hmm

I'd had 2 babies, born 54 weeks apart...and could change a baby's nappy blindfold, one-handed, down a mine shaft at night.

But, I meekly nodded and hid a smile, when she subtley checked I'd not fastened the nappy too tight...

Thingiebob Wed 27-Feb-13 21:44:51

She is obviously struggling with anxiety. I would do as she asks, but yanbu to be irritated by it.

KatyPeril Wed 27-Feb-13 21:45:25

Please, please do that!

MrsMushroom Wed 27-Feb-13 21:45:31

Oh of course I'll do it for her. I wouldn't worry her. I was a mare too! I'm just having a laugh at her expense. I've earned that...well I will have as I sit the baby down to watch her 10 minutes worth of cbeebies and then get her drinks RIGHT on time.

ErikNorseman Wed 27-Feb-13 21:46:20

It's not helping her if you comply with her absurd text requests. Fine to try to follow the schedule (though you know the baby won't play ball) but the texting is ridiculous. Don't indulge it.

MrsMushroom Wed 27-Feb-13 21:46:56

LaQueen that's the height of evil! grin But I like it.

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 21:47:12

When she texts you, asking what's going on...just reply with 'What baby?'

made me LOL that did

MN044 Wed 27-Feb-13 21:47:34

Actually I don't think it's ridiculous. I have a 10 month old who is my third. I'd still expect and appreciate texts through the day if I left him with anyone. I've yet to do it (quite how I've not gone potty with sleep deprivation I'll never know) but I d othink it's normal to want some updates. And I have no issues with anxiety.

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 21:49:15

I'd had 2 babies, born 54 weeks apart...and could change a baby's nappy blindfold, one-handed, down a mine shaft at night.

parent at work today has 2 babies 1 nb other nearly a year she was feeding 1 and spoon feeding an other while drinking coffee I was impressed

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 21:49:29

the other*

Fakebook Wed 27-Feb-13 21:51:08

When I left my dd with dsis for the first time I wasn't anxious because I trusted the person I was leaving her with and knew she'd keep her dry, fed and happy regardless of bloody routine. Dsis also had 3 children.

I'd be irritated too OP. If you're good friends with her then send her the funny texts, but she may think you're taking the piss. Just text her the info she wants to keep her happy.

MariusEarlobe Wed 27-Feb-13 21:51:41

There was an brilliant thread on here a couple of years ago in which people admitted to doing stuff like this with pfb.
People gave pages long lists, it was brilliant.

countrykitten Wed 27-Feb-13 21:52:05

A 9 month old baby watching tv? I know that the general consensus on MN is that tv is a GOOD THING for children (yeah right) but isn't this a bit ridiculous?

LaQueen Wed 27-Feb-13 21:52:07

Agree with Erik by sticking to crazed, texting timetable, you're just feeding her anxiety issues...next time, she'll want a text with accompanying photo of said activity. Withi this type, more is never enough.

Needs nipping in the bud, with some kind and cheerful firmness smile

countrykitten Wed 27-Feb-13 21:52:56

Oh and text her - it's her baby and she will be anxious in case it has missed Eastenders

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 21:53:01

when I left dd1 with my aunt for the 1st time WE DIDNT HAVE MOBILES shock modern technology has made people demand updates and constant communication <leans of zimmer>

LaQueen Wed 27-Feb-13 21:55:40

mrs I eventually learned to change a nappy, on my knee. A very useful skill.

When I did it with new born DN, whilst conducting a conversation simultaneously and sipping a cup of tea...my SIL looked on in awe.

She was still at that crazed, sleep deprived, anxiety riddled stage, where every nappy change required the baby to be carried up 2 flights of stairs to the designated Changing Table fitted with very possible nappy-changing accessory known to man grin

Annunziata Wed 27-Feb-13 21:57:40

I think that if you text her this time, she will be reassured and more relaxed the next time.

MIL, on the other hand, has phoned me every night for 24 years to check DH has had his dinner. She has a problem. At 9 months?! Normal.

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 21:57:48

oh yes changing stations a really useful invention when you need to cart baby up 2 flights grin saying that I had 1 of those stupid top n tail bowls with DD1 dd2 got a wipe with a baby wipe

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 21:59:46

mrsmushroom answer with an erm yeah baby is urm fine wink sen d mum into a spin

MajaBiene Wed 27-Feb-13 22:00:18

The texting at every point is a bit much, but I would text an update every few hours.

I don't see what is silly about the schedule though - I always find it helpful when looking after a baby to have their usual timetable written down.

Zoomania Wed 27-Feb-13 22:04:54

I would do what she asks as it will help her relax and enjoy her day out. As another anxious mother here I have to say I find it much easier if I am out to glance down subtly at my phone and see a little message from my mum saying "baby fine just had nap" etc than constantly worrying and wondering and texting her to ask if everything is ok.

However I love your humorous texts and if she has a good sense of humour you could include those in brackets!

exoticfruits Wed 27-Feb-13 22:04:59

I would just tell her that no news is good news and you will text if a problem.

HildaOgden Wed 27-Feb-13 22:07:37

Annunziata,you must have the patience of a saint!!!!

MrsJay,I must be as ancient as you.there was none of this constant checking before mobile phones were commonplace,people just got on with things and if they didn't hear anything ,they assumed all was well.Definitely a less stressful way to live.

Sinkingfeeling Wed 27-Feb-13 22:12:50

Ha! When we looked after our nephew at 2 years old, SIL emailed me a 3-page list of instructions in advance which included the lyrics to various CBeebies songs which had to be sung at the right moments through the day - brushing teeth time, story time etc. Obviously we ignored it but it gave us a good laugh at the time. grin

LaQueen Wed 27-Feb-13 22:13:12

I'm an old gimmer, too. I would just assume that 'No news, is good news'.

Not entirely sure why this need to have constant updates? I actually think this feeds into the anxiety issue. Because an update might reassure you for a while...but, then what if there's a slightly longer gap before you get another text? You're then checking your phone...fretting, thinking 'Well, the sitter has been texting on the hour, every hour...but now it's been an hour and 10 minutes what's going on...and so it goes.

It's self perpetuating. Because you seek constant reassurance, and get it...you never learn that actually a half day/whole day can pass with your child being cared for by someone else and actually everything was absolutely fine smile

One of the Mums at the DD's nursery took her DD away, because the NN's (politely) refused to call her on the hour, every hour with an update.

apostropheuse Wed 27-Feb-13 22:18:41

oh good grief - texting updates? I've heard it all now.

You could have great fun with it though.

Baby napped for one hour and 23 three minutes. Baby woke up. Did not fall off couch. All good.

Baby ate cat biscuits. Cat didn't mind. Dettol didn't sting scratch. All well.

Baby refused lunch. Cat biscuits are filling. All Fine.

YANBU to be irritated by it but YABU to suggest sending "joke" texts. Yes she's being pfb but I expect she's just very anxious at leaving her baby. Just do it, it'll be easier for her if she gets the text updates and it only takes a minute to send one. Very kind of you to look after her baby for her.

I don't think it feeds the anxiety. When I was in labour with DS2 I left DS1 with a friend, dropped him off at 1am (really nice of my friend to take him at that hour). She sent a text an hour or so later to say he was fast asleep and settled, I could then stop worrying about him. She then sent another text at about 8am saying he was up, had breakfast and was a bit quiet but seemed ok. I didn't ask her to text but it meant that I wasnt worrying about DS1 while I was in labour. It was only the second time he'd been babysat though and I thought he'd keep her awake all night and not sleep! DH picked him around midday so in 12hrs she sent 2 texts, don't think that's excessive and was nice to know he wasn't screaming for me or keeping her up all night.

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 22:33:22

Hilda l laqueen it was easier you just went out and came back usually to a sleeping baby you couldnt get in contact with the babysitter in the dark ages you just went out did what you had to do then came back ,

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 22:34:26

One of the Mums at the DD's nursery took her DD away, because the NN's (politely) refused to call her on the hour, every hour with an update.

NO shock

WilsonFrickett Wed 27-Feb-13 22:36:30

Aw bless her! If only I'd thought of this the first time I left DS...

Is this a good time to mention the PFB MNer who 'tested' the Johnstone 'No More Tears' formula stuff by rubbing it into her own eyes?

Your cousin has much to learn...

MiaowTheCat Wed 27-Feb-13 22:37:32

I've got a list of when feeds/naps generally fall typed out for whoever ends up watching DD1 when I go into hospital to have DD2 soon. Meh - if it gets followed it gets followed, if not and they wonder why she's a screaming ball of strop having had no nap - they have to deal with the screaming ball of strop. I'd rather know I'd overplanned and overcompensated for not being there meaning if stuff fell back it wasn't total chaos than not done so.

And if it gives someone pisstake material - so what - I've done it mainly to control MY anxiety and know I've done the best I can to keep continuity for her - plus the family member most likely to be taking care of her asked me to note down roughly what times we tend to do things (and my husband's the sort who's likely to shrug his shoulders in obliviousness when asked where the baby's clothes are kept - so I've written it down). There's a chance I'm going to end up in for a longer stay so there's a lot more covering all bases going on though.

I'm laid back about what does/doesn't get done (would like bedtimes kept though) - but I'd be pissed at sarcastic texts coming back taking the mickey. I don't think that's really fair - have some empathy that she's obviously worried about leaving the baby.

mrsjay Wed 27-Feb-13 22:38:21

s this a good time to mention the PFB MNer who 'tested' the Johnstone 'No More Tears' formula stuff by rubbing it into her own eyes?

What! really ?

NapaCab Wed 27-Feb-13 22:48:25

YANBU to be irritated by the list but I do understand her anxiety with a 9 month old as their routine at that age is hard since they're taking both milk and solids and napping twice a day. I remember feeling very frazzled at that stage compared to the toddler I have now.

Have to say, the child can't be that much of a PFB if she's letting her watch TV though... [smug emoticon] wink

merrymouse Wed 27-Feb-13 22:55:26

Has she specified what TV the baby will be watching or is that up to you?

I would do what she wants.

She'll get bored of the texts after a while.

PurpleCrazyHorse Wed 27-Feb-13 23:15:37

We had a list for DD of her rough routine, but that's because PIL and CM asked for it. In fact DD didn't really have a routine as we just had to go with the flow with her, so it was a bit guessed!! However, I wouldn't have asked to be texted at every stage. A text or two during the day is reasonable and personally, I'd just do that.

TotallyBursar Thu 28-Feb-13 01:42:09

Hmm not sure I want to admit to this -
When pfb was about 10 months he was being looked after by highly neurotic (but wonderfully loving & kind) aunt for the morning. We are quite laid back, DS was a content baby and we are baby led which she knew, she knew his preferred routine (which he rarely deviated from) and I trusted her judgement. I said not to worry, she knew him well & we were on the end of the phone, so when she asked for a list of the rules I rather flippantly said
'Don't expose him to direct bright light.
Don't get him wet and never feed him after midnight.'

The morning was fine and we were back early, gave her a thank you gift & said our goodbyes. DS had cuddled, had a feed & then just slept as if he were at home.
The next day I got a call from my mother who was wetting her knickers with laughter - DA had called her to ask if she knew what we were doing and that she was worried about this strange new advice. I felt terrible bless her but couldn't help but laugh that she had to dob me in to my mother.
I think some people, not just parents, are quite anxious about things. I'm sure your sil will thank you for doing it & soon relax - some people just take longer to be ready, I don't think yabu but I'm evidently a terrible mother anyway!
By the way, I did call & apologise & we all have a laugh about it now to the extent DS1 is known as Mogwai.

Tolly81 Thu 28-Feb-13 07:37:39

YANBU MrsMushroom. I've just had to start leaving my 9 mo pfb with nursery, dm and mil to go back to work. Dm has 5 children, mil has 4. I would be embarassed. I did write up a rough schedule but it basically only has the times I give her her bottles and the times she has her meals. I certainly didn't ask for text updates! They often still text me about once/day but not always and I don't demand it. I think she needs a dose of realism - she'd have to pay to leave pfb at nursery and there is no way they'd text. You're already doing her a favour looking after her. I would politely but firmly say you will text once in morning and once in afternoon with updates but rest of time will be much too busy looking after her pfb and need to give her full attention!

teacher123 Thu 28-Feb-13 07:48:58

DS (10mo) has quite a strict routine, because otherwise he is the incredible non sleeping baby, and if he doesn't sleep, he won't eat and it rapidly spirals from being a happy smiling chatty chap to a red squealy ball of rage. My mum and MIL both have bought up lots of children and have masses of experience. But I still write timings down for them and ask for occasional updates because he's my baby and I worry about him. Her writing down the routine is no comment on your parenting/how you're going to look after him but all babies are so different! She's probably also worried that he'll get upset if he is overtired and wants you to have a nice day with him. I would have NO IDEA what time other people have their babies bottles/what they had for lunch etc. I think things even out a lot more when they are toddlers and have dropped naps.

exoticfruits Thu 28-Feb-13 08:09:51

You can give whatever instructions you like, however you have to realise that people might smile, nod and ignore. If they are doing it as a favour you have no control. Personally I would go with the instructions but not text.

Flobbadobs Thu 28-Feb-13 09:47:27

I think you need to sit her down and gently but firmly remind her you have children of your own and have a fairly good idea of what you're doing.
If she's expecting text updates constantly her day will be filled with anxiety and worry about whats going on and she'll spend the entire day waiting for the next text. Tell her you will text her after naptime to let her know how long baby slept for, and give her an update maybe twice during the day.
YANBU. Anxiety is good for no one and she really in the nicest possible way (because I'm not a heartless cow!) needs to unwind..

LaQueen Thu 28-Feb-13 09:52:44

But, the thing is...okay, even if I did agree to send a few reassurance texts to an anxious Mum - there's no way I'd send any texts saying 'Baby won't stop crying...Can't settle...Has refused to eat any lunch...Baby really unsettled etc'

Because what would be the point of that? There would be absolutely nothing the poor Mum could do about it - other than fret herself into a coma.

Instead, I would just send texts saying 'Everything fine...Baby okay...All good here etc' Because that would be the kind/sensible thing to do.

Because as an experienced Mum, the wrong side of 40, I know that if a baby is unsettled, or doesn't eat their lunch for one day then it's really neither here, nor there in the grand scheme of things smile

LaQueen Thu 28-Feb-13 09:54:58

The thing is, if you're leaving your PFB with an experienced Mum, then chances are the experienced Mum is going to be very well versed if dealing with babies, and alert to signs of tiredness/why they're grumpy...they are well versed in the needs for naps, etc.

If you're leaving your PFB with someone who has never taken care of a baby, then fair enough, write out all the lists you want.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Thu 28-Feb-13 10:09:01

I think providing a list of likely food and nap times is fine, sensible even. And letting you know a few things baby likes is OK too. I wouldn't provide the text updates though. I agree it's likely to make the mum's anxiety worse. I think I'd say I'll let you know straightaway if there's a problem plus I'll send you one text when baby is asleep.

Tell her you'll be so busy looking after baby you might forget to text and then she'd be worrying unnecessarily, so really you're doing her a favour really smile

WilsonFrickett Thu 28-Feb-13 10:12:26

^Is this a good time to mention the PFB MNer who 'tested' the Johnstone 'No More Tears' formula stuff by rubbing it into her own eyes?

What! really ?^

YY MrsJay There was a 'whats the most PFB thing you've ever done' thread and someone mentioned it, and then the OP came on and held her hands up. Twas brilliant.

Flobbadobs Thu 28-Feb-13 10:31:22

I think that was the thread that brought me to MN in the first place! I seem to remember that some of the posts were reported in a newspaper (the Mirror?) and my Grandma found them so funny she phoned me to tell me about them, I'm sure it was a PFB thread...
I knew I had found my spiritual home.. grin

eavesdropping Thu 28-Feb-13 10:40:27

YABU and a bit mean.

Cut her some slack, she's obviously anxious (have been there with my PFB and it's NOT a nice way to be) & she's only trying to help by giving you the list.

I can just imagine an alternative AIBU: AIBU to be annoyed with my cousin? I looked after her 9 month old, who is not used to being apart from her, and she gave me no directions as to its normal routine - as a result I was dealing with an unsettled baby all day long. Then when she came to pick up the baby she was completely disinterested to how the day had gone or how the baby had been.

TheNebulousBoojum Thu 28-Feb-13 10:46:37

It's threads like these that really make me appreciate my mother, who put up with my PFB lunacy for months without sniggering or arguing or getting offended.
Although several years later, we have had some hysterical reminiscing over many of the things that I did and didn't do. But only when I had gained a little perspective.
Thanks Mum. thanks

DeWe Thu 28-Feb-13 10:55:00

Tell her your phone's out of charge, but you'll text when it's charged...

Sounds like my bil who's dc self combust (according to parents) if their routine is 5 minutes late. Of course the routine is entirely for the child's benefit. hmm

Nicolaeus Thu 28-Feb-13 11:06:15

My parents look after DS whilst I'm at work and have done for nearly a year.

I still text a couple of times a day to ask how he is - cos I miss him and care about him. I love knowing if he enjoyed playgroup or going to the park or the shops.

Also hes an awful sleeper so I like a heads up if Im going to get a grumpy toddler back or not. Similarly when I hand him over I always say what kind if night we had, what time he woke up, if hes eaten well...

For one day at 9 months I would have appreciated a couple of texts to let me know hes ok, mainly concerning his sleep (as DS is such a bad sleeper)

SusanneLinder Thu 28-Feb-13 11:07:19

MIL, on the other hand, has phoned me every night for 24 years to check DH has had his dinner.

Nearly wet myself at that one grin

My DD gave me a list of instructions for my grandson her PFB, some of them I quietly snickered at, but her rules,her baby, and it was a bit helpful to know his general routine and what he likes cos all babies are different. Me and her MIL did have a silent giggle sometimes, cos I have 3 kids and she had 6!

She is 4 days overdue with DGC no 2.Hoping she will chill out with this one a bit!

Nicolaeus Thu 28-Feb-13 11:08:35

Oh and hes been ill on and off for a couple if months so I text to see how he is

Pigsmummy Thu 28-Feb-13 11:14:42

The list of timing for sleeps and naps to be more seems completely normal, you don't know the babies routine, the tv bit is a bit odd but maybe she is just thinking of you, as you have a bit of downtime whilst baby stares at a cartoon or whatever. The text requests however are OTT, tell her that you will be ok, that you will text to let her know how it is going, seriously once she see's a text saying everything is good then she will be fine.

specialsubject Thu 28-Feb-13 12:22:45

list of baby's routine is helpful. Micromanagement is not.

if she doesn't trust you to do what she says, then she can find another babysitter.

Yfronts Thu 28-Feb-13 13:24:37

tell her you'll send her one text when you get home but then only text her if there is a problem.

Yfronts Thu 28-Feb-13 13:26:54

At 9 months mine were all having a midday nap at 12. Everything else was relaxed but the sleep time was essential for my babies happiness.

BarbarianMum Thu 28-Feb-13 13:27:28

Thank her for the instructions and gently explain that you will not be texting unless there is a problem- frankly you will be busy enough. If she is not ready to leave her dc without this then she is not ready to leave him.

IloveJudgeJudy Thu 28-Feb-13 13:28:11

Agree with specialsubject. I never did this as, apart from it being before mobiles were everywhere, my argument was that if I didn't trust the person, then I wouldn't leave DC with them. If I trusted them, then I should leave them to do what they thought best.

In your situation MrsMushroom I would thank her for the list and say that you probably won't have time to text her as you'll be too busy with her PFB. I also agree with others who say that it will fuel her anxiety.

whistleahappytune Thu 28-Feb-13 13:31:15

I think she is a loon and incredibly anal. Hopefully she'll grow out of it. But it would be very nice and understanding of you to text her once (only once) during the day just to say everything's fine.

Chunderella Thu 28-Feb-13 13:36:37

Agree with those who suggest a couple of texts throughout the day just to let her know everything's fine. I've recently returned to work and DD has always been with DH or one of my parents. I have always had every confidence that she's well looked after and wouldn't dream of asking for texts to confirm feeds, but have appreciated getting a couple of updates throughout the day. Its a nice little highlight to hear what she's been doing. There's no harm in that surely?

Dromedary Thu 28-Feb-13 18:29:50

I'm surprised by this level of routine! As someone who never managed any routine of any kind, I don't understand why you can't just feed the baby when it's hungry and let it sleep when it's tired? If it asks to watch TV, then by all means...

MajaBiene Thu 28-Feb-13 18:43:22

Because if you don't know the baby well, it's easier to know they are usually hungry at 9am, eat/drink this, usually sleep at 11am etc then to just guess at what a crying baby wants.

Passmethecrisps Thu 28-Feb-13 22:06:50

Yep. I would just see it as a "if she whinges at x time it is likely that she will be hungry" sort of thing. At 15 weeks old I still need to leave these kind of instructions with my Dh if he is with DD. it makes sense when you are with then 100% of the time. I know I am a total PFB but I hate the thought that she might cry needing something when a simple clue from me would have helped

ChairmanWow Thu 28-Feb-13 22:19:42

Re the instructions she probably thinks she's helping you by giving you as much detail as possible so there's less disruption and therefore less crying and stress. My mum had my son overnight at 6 months and I left an incredibly detailed list. But my son has always thrived on routine and I kind of accepted my mum would deviate and DS would survive - it was just there in case he was going off his head and she couldn't figure out what to do. TBH I only called to make sure mum was coping rather than DS.

She's obv feeling anxious. I don't think she sounds like a loon. Find a compromise so she's not spending the day worried sick and you're not texting every time baby blinks. Use the list as a guide and maybe arrange a couple of calls at certain times so she knows when to expect to hear from you and isn't constantly checking her phone.

And if she turns out to be a nightmare tell her to find another mug to do it next time!

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