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Is anyone known by their middle name or does anyone use their DCs middle name instead of their first given name? Due to rubbish intials of the names we really like for our new baby, we are thinking of changing the order of the names so that our first choice will be the middle name and he will be known by that name IYSWIM.

Has it caused any problems or confusion for anyone? I know lots of people used middle names in t'olden days but wondered how common it is these days.

I did, until I got rid of the unwanted name by deed poll. It was a pain in the arse. All my exam certificates were in the first name, every time I went to the doctor, dentist, job interview, heard from tax office - basically any time I was likely to be feeling overwhelmed, nervous or vulnerable, I'd be called by a name that wasn't me.

It was better than using the first name, which I was delighted to see the back of, but it's not something I'd choose for my child.

On the other hand, my mum uses her middle name and it doesn't bother her at all when someone calls her the wrong one.

I am. My first name begins with H but my middle name with R - I have always been known by my middle name (ie that was the name my parents wanted to call me.) It doesn't help no one can spell or say my middle name, my 'real' name!

I have to say yes, it has caused me a lot of problems. Even just recently I have been charged £25 by my solicitor because the house I am selling belongs to R but my passport has my full name on it. It also causes problems in the doctors, hospital records, banks. In short, it's a pain in the arse and it does irritate the hell out of me! I would definitely avoid it!

TheCat - love how we both used the exact same turn of phrase!

Please don't do it!!
Is a real pain in the arse, I hate always being called by first name - it's not me!

A family member has this. Only problem they've encountered is when going on holiday with friends was that tickets were booked in the wrong name and didn't match passport!

Lots of elderly people are known by their middle names; it causes confusion at work (a hospital ward) to be honest.

I am known by my middle nickname I.e you wouldn't guess my given name from my official name and I rather like it! Makes life more interesting. Although I do often ask organisations etc"who am I?"

DS is known by his middle name, as his first name is a family name. He is tenth in a line and I would have had to be pretty churlish to fuse.
My DH, FIL, GFIL and DS are all known by their middle names.
It has caused precisely no problems at all in the last 16 years

I wouldn't do it to a child. It's inconvenient for the reasons already stated and the adults I know in that situation have changed their names by deed poll.

Is your DS 16, though Norks?

Mine was irritating but insignificant until I turned 18 and discovered the real drawbacks. I do feel a bit irritated with my parents about it to be honest (they gave me a really, really stupid name as well as putting it 'the wrong way around') as I do think 'how hard would it have been to have put them in the correct order' but hey!

it is a pain in the arse

i am known by my first name by official folk like the bank etc

the most annoying thing is when people find out your name isn't your first name, iykwim, so you get the 'but WHY do you call yourself foosty? It's not your first name?'

and I don't have any real answer - even my parents couldn't remember why it turned out that way

don't do it to your kid unless you absolutely have no choice!

My IL's did this with all their children (5) and they ALL hate it.

It was has caused them problems from the day they started school, and they are all in their 30s and it is still causing them problems. My DH was mocked because of it - kids will pick up on anything 'other' - he even had a teacher who insisted on calling him by his first name not his middle name, and he was too young to feel he could correct a teacher, so was called it for months. It upset him because it wasn't 'his' name, except on paper it is.

If it is an initials issue bear in mind that in all likelihood they or other people will use drop the first initial anyway and if it's just the order of names then I would say use your favourite as the first name and choose a middle name with a different first letter. That would be infinitely preferable to condemning your child to a lifetime of explaining a choice you made or them legally removing the first name because it serves no purpose other than to confuse.

As his wife I now end up explaining it to people as well - it's a pain in the ass.

At our wedding, when it came to our vows a collective gasp went up as the majority had no idea DHs name wasn't actually the one they knew him as. Not quite what you want during your wedding ceremony, didn't particularly like having to explain it at the reception either.... All because my IL's had some crazy whim to give their children two names but use the middle one.

I doubt your child will appreciate it, and will more than likely drop the name you like enough to do this - making it pointless.

I was called by my middle name until I swapped my names around by deed poll as a teenager. As a little child I found it humiliating when someone like a teacher would use my first name and the whole class would snigger. When I grew up it became annoying and pointless. Why would you ever call a child a name you don't intend to use? It's ridiculous!

DH is known by his middle name due to that family first name bollocks and it's a pain in the arse. From banks to mobile contracts. I even had to promise to take 'first name' as my lawful wedded husband. I bloody hated that.

the most annoying thing is when people find out your name isn't your first name, iykwim, so you get the 'but WHY do you call yourself foosty? It's not your first name?'

Yes!

This thread is brilliant. All these annoying things that have happened to me have happened to others too.

I'm known by my middle name, it was my parents decision. It is quite annoying, I wouldn't do it to my child. Everyone says "why don't you use your first name?" Like it was my choice. I also get confused about what I've registered as so sound a bit of a dick phoning for appointments like I can't remember my own name.

Just don't do it. I had to say "I take you, Stephen" to my DH on our wedding day, even though I and everyone else only ever used his middle name. My brother shouted, "Who?" and everyone dissolved in fits of giggles.

I also booked tickets in my given name but my passport obviously says "first name, given name" and Ryanair wanted to charge me £80 to change it!

At my wedding though I used known as name only.

I keep meaning to drop the first name but bloody forgetting!

It was a registry office, btw, not a church.

Why not add a second middle name if you are worried about the acronym

Yes. My oldest son is named after a historical person, first and last name. We'll say his name is "Benjamin Franklin." (Which it isn't.) Anyway, he's always been called "Franklin." But, we just moved to a new school and he decided that henceforth he'll be known as "Benjamin."

It's weird hearing other people calling him that! He's still "Franklin" to me.

I am called by my middle name as is everyone in my family. It has caused me no problems whatsoever. I did have alot of medical appointments in my youth and got used to listening out for my first name. Other than that, it hasn't made a hoot of difference.

All of my children are named after someone like that. One of them goes by the first name. The youngest is actually called by something pretty much entirely different. He's named "John ___" and we call him "Jack" because his grandfather is named "John" and it's less confusing that way.

Also, we like to do weird things with our children's names. That's how we roll.

I am known by my middle name by my own choice. The most resistance I have had has been from my parents, the other issue is getting older family members to call me by the right name. Other than that I've had very little problem since pushing to use my middle name at college. I was warned that paying a cheque with the name I use into an account started by my mother with the name she uses might cause difficulties, but it never has. Neither has being employed with a name that doesn't come first on my birth certificate. Having said that, if I have to write my name in full I normally write the two names the 'wrong' way around, and I do make sure my de facto middle name/initial is on official documents.

I like it because I can always tell when a phone call is a cold call because they ask for my first name

My Dp has always been known by his middle name, hasn't really caused any problems.

DH and DS are both known by their middle names. As long as you make sure all official documents are in the proper full name it hasn't caused too many issues.

We do have to make sure any cheques are made out to his proper name, and DH had exactly the same full initials as his Dad, which wasn't ideal, but apart from that not really a problem.

I have two friends who've always been known by their middle names: one because if the two names were the other way round it made the first name sound like an adjective; and the other was named to placate a granny, but her parents only ever intended to use the middle name.

I don't think it bothers either of them much.

It doesn't bother me, people that matter call me the shortened version of my middle name, doctors and officials call me by my first name, when my mothers angry she calls me by my actual middle name. Both my names are family names but my middle name is the female version of my uncle who died aged 18 so was always going to be used. My full name would not sound right the other way round so I fully understand my parents choice. BTW teachers at school, even in the 70's, never had a problem calling me by my middle name, I was even in the register as such.

Oh actually I've thought of another one, a cousin of mine - her first name's very traditional, saint's name etc; middle name (which she's always been known by) is much more modern. I think her parents thought her first name should be a 'proper' name, even if they didn't intend to use it!

Both my grandfathers are known by their middle names. I wonder why people did this in t'olden days, why not just switch the name order?

I use two names. My first name is hard to spell and pronounce so I very often use my short 'n sweet middle name. My DH also uses my middle name, not for any particular reason it is just that he likes it.
I get post addressed to both names but I can't remember it causing too many problems.
I like having two names.

What the first two posters said, though I don't mind as much. It's amazing how often people don't really listen, even when they've asked, so I say 'X Y known as Y' or 'Y, though my full name's X Y' and they write down Y X, or somesuch.

I quite like that I have an alter ego who goes to doctor and dentist appointments and takes exams for me. It's become more confusing since people are willing to be less formal now, so sometimes I'm registered in the name I use but assume that, as it's an official sort of place, I must be listed by my first name.

I went to school with someone who was called by her first name at school, second at home, because apparently it was beyond her, or her parents' powers to ask the school to call her by her second name (she went on to Cambridge). I found that quite bizarre. I never had any difficulty with schools.

Banks are a pain and have refused to accept a cheque to Y, despite that being the name every cheque, unless from my parents, is made out to (when they'd just been on money laundering training no doubt). Their machine had no such qualms! I've had to pay to alter the name on a plane ticket because a friend had booked for a group of us with no warning, in a rush of enthusiasm.

My dad has always known one of his friends by a name that isn't even one of his middle names - a bit like how Trigger in Only Fools and Horses always calls Rodney 'Dave'. The origins of this are lost in the mists of time.

And a friend's brother uses his middle name. It's still reasonably common I think.

A relative of mine uses her middle name, but she lives in a foreign country where she hates the way they pronounce her first name. Knowing her all her life and visiting her in said country, it was a bit of a struggle to remember to use the correct one, but this was a choice she instigated herself as an adult. If you start using your DC's middle name straight away, then there should be no mix-ups by the vast majority of people. It would only be the official way round on legal documents etc. So when DC starts school, a simple explanation of "DC is called XY, but we refer to him/her as Y" should immediately eliminate confusion, and quickly all friends and teachers etc would become familiar with them as Y.

FairPhyllis I have a similar story. An aunt, let's call her Jan, has always been known as Jan, despite not having Jan anywhere in her name, and her proper first name doesn't even sound like 'Jan'. Probably the evolution of a long forgotten nickname!

I use my middle name. This ^ is actually my BC and passport first name. It's never really caused any problems.

pita - have to keep reminding myself which name I booked appointments/flights/tickets under. People always think it looks a bit fishy when I appear not to know my own name and fail to answer to firstname.

only vaguely useful bit is that my patients cant find me as my work name is middlename maidenname and official home name is firsname marriedname but that isn't useful enough to warrant the annoyance.

i use initial-of-firstname . secondname . surname on all official docs to try to iron out problems but they still occur.

DH has always been known by his middle name but I can't for the life of me understand why his parents didn't just make his middle name his first name from the beginning

The only advantage is that when cold callers try and be all matey and ask for DH using his first name I know they don't really know him at all.

My friend is known by her middle name. She faced continual questions about it and was rather embarrassed by it. She hates explaining it to people. I would not do it.

I teach several children who use their middle names.

Usually it's either because the first name is a traditional family one, but the parents don't actually like it/it's confusing as it's shared by several relatives; or because the parents are from different cultures: a common scenario is that dad's family want the dc to have a name from their background, but mum gets to pick the middle name, & by school age, the middle name, which mum uses, is the one to have stuck!

It doesn't cause any problems at a 'human' level - it's not seen as unusual, so the kids are fine, there's no teasing etc, & I always do the register for the first time saying 'If anyone's known as something different, let me know' - but it does cause a certain degree of minor PITA-ness when computers get involved.

We call DS by his middle name. It took about 9 months for the doctor's surgery to change his name on the records so that his middle name is used for all correspondence.

It hasn't caused a problem anywhere else really. His passport was made using his first name and everyone knows him by the name we call him. I suppose there'll be some confusion when he starts school, but hopefully that will be sorted out by the time the registers are written up.

I'm known by either of two common nicknames of my common name. It causes some confusion at uni because my email and student ID use my first name initial but the name everyone knows me by isn't the same letter. People have trouble with matching up the initial to my name!

I would just add an extra name to stop your initials issue, so your son's given name is the name he uses.

I don't think it helps my first name is an unusual spelling so by the time we iron that out I then explain I use my middle name and we're all confused.

I got married when pregnant and changed my surname and an exasperated midwife said "look when you're here you'll just have to be 'first name, maiden name'". Not my name at all!

We used to call DS by middle name but had it swapped by deed poll! It was a nightmare...his first name was after a family member and slightly embarrassing! I didn't mind it as a middle name but didn't think about the doctor calling him by that name when the waiting room is full!! With me repeating out loud to make sure all waiting could hear "your name is x, the doctor has called you by your middle name!!"

Dh's whole family uses middle names for all the males.
It's very odd; they have a saints name first, then the name they use. But all DH's Brothers hare Saints names for first and middle names...but were always known by the middle. Doesn't make sense. They all just use their first name now, even after spending the first 20 years of their lives being known as something different.

I did used to work with a woman who used a name that wasn't even on her birth certificate. Her Dad was sent to register her as Alice, but when he got there he registered Elaine...his only explanation was he'd had rather a lot to drink.

I use my middle name & so does Dd, in both our cases the names sound better that way round, and we use the names that we were always going to be called IYSWIM. It wasn't deliberate on my part with Dd, &TBH I sometimes thinks she forgets her 1st name.
I do get a bit annoyed when asked " but what's your proper name?" luckily it doesn't happen too often.

Ditto what everyone else is saying. I have always been known by my middle name, to the extent I was a teenager before I realised my names were the other way round. It was super annoying. Then I changed it by deed poll but all my qualifications are in my original name. Don;t do it to your child! How bad can the initials be?

My mum uses her middle name.
I once sat in a busy chemist waiting for her prescription, didnt realise it was ready for ages till I went to ask how much longer it would be.

My dad and DP are both known by a shortened form of one of their middle names.

I've been known by my middle name since birth. It can be a bit of a pain as you're always referred to as your first name in official forms, in hospital, school register etc. It can be confusing if a young child is in hospital when they're being called by another name (as often happened to me). It's the same with bank accounts etc.

Then you forget what name you've registered for something with - or if you've registered with full name, but signed just middle name, or initial of first name and then full middle name.

I would avoid it if possible to be honest.

Don't do it. I am fed up of explaining to people that my first name is not the one I'm known by. My parents did it for the same reasons as you - weird acronym the other way round - and I've spent 50 years saying "actually my name is...."

My brother uses his middle name. I only found out when - was 15! My grandpa too - I found this out recently after mum died and I was sorting through old certificates. Grandma referred to him by his real name a couple of times late on but as she had dementia I thought shed got muddled.

My mum and my siblings are all known by their middle names. I think it was because their (siblings') names sounded better that way round. Don't think it's caused any major problems, although obviously I can't say that for certain.

My friends parents go by their middle names. Nothing wrong with doing that.

I've never had any major problems! I have 3 names and was called by the last one until I was 18; hated it so changed to my 2nd name as my 1st was my mum's name. It was slightly embarassing at school being called the 'wrong name' and they still use my 1st name at the doctor's (just office staff, not my GP) but I would always use my full name for official stuff and my signature has all my initials and surname. None of the banks I've used have ever made a fuss either - my account name contains my 3 initials, so they can accept a cheque with any of those initials on.

With us it was a 'family thing' that started with my dad. Having said that, I didn't do it for my DCs - they have 3 names but use their 1st one.

I mentioned the bank issue. My account is in my full name with both initials on cards. Someone was having a funny day when they decided that cheques to my second name were not ok and I must ask everyone to make them out to the first name that few are familiar with.

I use my middle name - made my own decision at 16 and changed it legally at 18 because I was about to start my midwifery training and I knew that I would have to sign notes with my legal first name....

Up until your baby is 12 months old you can change the birth certificate to whatever you want - it will be re-issued as if baby has always been called this

I would recommend changing the birth certificate - a friend did it and said it was simple...

I changed my name and ALL my documents nearly 16yrs ago but I still have to present my legal name change documentation with my birth certificate for mortgage stuff, work stuff and with the CRB I have put my original name... not to mention the fact that some relatives still call me by my first name

Both myself and my husband are known by our middle names. It's ok day to day but anything official and they will call us by our 1st names. We even got married as our first names and I didn't like to correct the registrar half way through the ceremony. It can be a pain in the ass, we gave both our daughters one name only (as well as a surname).

DH os known by his middle name although for official stuff he uses his first name. When we married in church I made the vows to his middle name but the certificate has his full name.
He's never been known as his first name at all, his parents for reasons best known to themselves gave him a first name they would never use and then his 'real' name as the middle one!

DP has always been known by his middle name. He hates it & contemplates changing it. I found it really weird marrying 'Thomas' - couldn't keep a straight face. Don't do it!

I can't understand why anybody would do this.

Just either keep the names in the "right" order and sod the acronym, or choose different names

I am known by my middle name. It is a minor irritation rather than a PITA but I wouldn't do it to a child of mine.

My dad is known by his middle name. It causes a lot of confusion! He had a nightmare going on holiday once because he had booked flights online using the name he uses normally (ie his middle name) but as his passport states his full name the airline initially said it wasn't the same person!

TBH I probably wouldn't do it to your child!!

I've always been known by my middle name and it was a proper pain in the arse until the time that I deedpolled the vile (currently very popular) first name to the depths of oblivion that it deserves to be in.

Until I got rid of it I was constantly missing calls for appointments because I didn't recognise the name they were calling out and countersigning cheques to prove that I was who the cheque was made out to.

It's an administrative nightmare

Thinking about it, I'm sure my dad is known by a first name that was added at his christening and isn't on his birth certificate. It doesn't seem to have caused any problems (although I must ask him!)

BiL's (DH's sister's husband) family do this.

All the first born boys traditionally have the same name as a first name, but they're all known by their middle names to avoid confusion

So DH's nephew is officially named (for eg) John Michael, but is always known as Michael

I don't think it's caused any aggravation, but seems particularly convoluted and pointless to me

don't do this. DH has this (first name shared with father, known by middle name) and endless minor hassle when introducing himself to people who have seen his full name, ensuring group travel bookings have the right name etc.

give the baby the first name you will call it by. There is plenty of choice, you must be able to find one that you like.

Please tell me why people do this? If its a family name thing then why not use that as the middle name. I just don't understand! Obviously people are going to assume you are called by your first name.

Both my parents are called by completely different names than their legal names. It's very confusing at times!

Don't do it. Children face enough obstacles growing up - their name should not be difficult!
My parents gave me an unusual name and although its pretty, it's a real PITA as no one can spell it!

Please don't do it!
I often don't hear a call to an appointment til it is repeated, and I think who's this idiot Next who can't listen for their name, Oh, DOH, its me,
The bank are starting to get twitchy accepting cheques to Phase as the account is Next Phase.

It was done to aviod silly initials for me also - but I could have married someone who would have made my initials even sillier!

Can yuo add in another name if you really love the 2 you've got?

Another one saying (based on my mum's experience) that it is a royal pain in the arse. My mum has always hated it, same tales as everyone else - not knowing what name people are using depending on the degree of 'officaldom' involved, having to explain that she's not called x but goes by y (combined with y being a name that people frequently bugger up the spelling of), needing to ask for cheques to be reissued, docs not matching proof of ID etc etc etc.

Bear in mind as well that the initials problem will only be solved if your child always goes by x.y.p. or x.y. plasticup. That doesn't always happen - he could end up as y.p. y.plasticup x.p. x.plasticup etc. Sometimes you just have to suck it down that your dream name just doesn't go with your surname/initials or whatever - it's why I'm not called my mum's preferred name (think something along the lines of me ending up as f.rocknrollnerd) and I had to sadly rule out the name I really wanted for DS (similar problem despite him having my married surname).

boring

Sometimes you just have to suck it down that your dream name just doesn't go with your surname/initials or whatever

Yes, I agree. I couldn't give DD2 the middle name I wanted as I couldn't face saddling her with GIT as her initials

Identical situation to Xmasbaby, but I didn't have my name changed. I ended up using my 'real' first name in official situations, which I hate

Don't do it! My dhs parents did this and it has caused so many problems for him.

Lots of elderly people are known by their middle names

Do you know why that is Latara? My Dad was known by his middle name by everybody all of his life and, in fact, I believe most of his brothers were known by their middle name too. I thought it was just peculiar to his family but I am interested to see that it might have been more common in a previous generation.

I am - it's no biggie. As I grew up, I put my first name on official documents less and less and now it's only on my birth certificate - even my passport just has my middle name.

My parents did it because they thought it flowed better that way. Both my maternal grandparents used their middle names too so I don't know if my parents were following that.

Just one name would work? You don't have to have a middle name at all?

I use my DC's middle name. As her parent, I can't recognise any of the horror stories. Her middle name is used quite happily by her school, her GP, her dentist, on her bank account. No issue at all! I wonder if these problems will get less and less as Britain becomes more multicultural though? I know so many friends who have a Chinese name and an English name for example. What births certificates say in what order is surely less relevant now than it was in the 70s when I was little.