to wonder if anyone else is driven slightly potty by a constant stream of silly questions from their DH?

(177 Posts)
freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 11:20:42

I love him dearly, but dear god!

Small sample from last 24 hours

I was helping DD2 wash her hair in the bath last night, she usually puts a flannel over her eyes as she's a bit funny about water going in her face and I realised there were no flannels in the bathroom

Me (to DH who is wafting around on the landing): can you just chuck me a flannel please?
DH: where are they?
Me: in the airing cupboard
DH: where in the airing cupboard?

It's a small cupboard, just look!

This morning:
Me walking into the small downstairs loo
DH: where are you going?

Also this morning - DH works from home in an office in the garden. He came in for a tea/loo break just as I was emptying the washing machine

Me: can you just put this in the tumble drier please? (which he'd have to walk right past to get to the loo)
DH: where is it?

In the utility room, next to the toilet where it has been kept for the past 10 years!!!!!

DH: have you seen my car keys
Me: on the hook in the kitchen
DH: what hook?

The same sodding hook that he put up and has been hanging them on every single day for years

I am being lighthearted, he's not a complete dimwit and pulls his weight with the house and kids, but honestly, I sometimes wonder whether he actually lives here

Emilythornesbff Wed 27-Feb-13 11:23:38

grin

MrsMushroom Wed 27-Feb-13 11:25:32

Sounds like he's not "present" ...I do that when I work at home.

Lots of "Eh? Put the bread in the grill? Where?" type responses from me.

samandi Wed 27-Feb-13 11:25:49

That does sound vaguely familiar :-)

stickingattwo Wed 27-Feb-13 11:27:31

Sounds like you need a wife!

ivanapoo Wed 27-Feb-13 11:31:30

You're enabling him though. Why should he take responsibility when you'll take it for him? My new tack is to be as unhelpful as possible...

Where are my keys? Answer: I don't know.

My DH's special move is the "man-look".

DH: have you seen my wallet?
Me: I think it's on the dining table.
DH: looks on table it's not there...
Me: you're doing a man look.
DH: looks again no it's not there.
Me: goes to table and immediately sees wallet in obvious place, hands it to him

mmmuffins Wed 27-Feb-13 11:32:10

YANBU, there are times when DP clearly can't do basic things without me holding his hand and telling him what to do each stage of the way. Things like hoovering! I'm not exactly a domestic goddess myself but I know which way up the hoover goes (!), how to press the button to wind the cord back in, and that hoovering upstairs means more than doing the landing...

Use your initiative man!

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 11:37:26

We call it 'daddy looking'

i.e "have you looked properly or daddy looked?"

BumpingFuglies Wed 27-Feb-13 11:37:27

Oh yes, in a household of males, I get this all the time.

Me going out the door in work uniform with work bag:
DP - are you going to work darling?

Me on laptop:
DP - are you on the laptop?

Me to DS (14): There is no bread
DS - can I have a sandwich?
Me - there is no bread
DS - can I have toast then?
Me - <head desk>

This thread has made me chuckle.

I too have changed my stance on dealing with these types of questions...

DH - Have you seen my car keys ?
Me - No

Since having DD I don't have time to fanny around with him too.

This is my No 1 irritation.

DH - Where is the salt ?
Me - In the cupboard.
DH opens cupboard, looks "It's not there"
I walk over to said cupboard, moves vinegar, hey presto there is salt !

Are men unable to move things to find other things ?

BumpingFuglies Wed 27-Feb-13 11:40:36

HaveTo grin

I shall have to try this when I get "Have you seen my..."

Manchesterhistorygirl Wed 27-Feb-13 11:41:21

Houseful of males here too, it's infuriating! We also have the man look.

I just now pass them the obvious thing they can't see with"the look".

Don't forget the frustration of the repeated question - eg:

Dh - what's for supper, love?

Me - Bangers, mash and cabbage.
~
~
2 minutes later
Dh - what's for supper, love?

Me - same as what was for supper when you asked me 2 minutes ago.

Dh - yes, but what did you say?
~
~
5 minutes later
Dh - So what did you say was for supper, darling?

Me - ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Oh - and I should have said yes to the man-looking and not knowing where anything lives!

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 11:45:27

I've had the bread/toast discussion with my eldest DD

We've also had
Me: you'll have to have toast or crumpets this morning, we've run out of milk
DD: can't I have porridge?
Me: no, there's no milk. Toast or crumpets
DD: can I have cereal then?
Me: aarrrggghhhh!!!!!

I'm not massively helpful, although I'm considering drawing him a map of our house and glueing it to him

Stixswhichtwizzle Wed 27-Feb-13 11:45:51

grin sounds like my DH. I get super cross about 'man looking' it infuriates me that he never moves things when he looks and just stands there waiting for it to jump up and bash him in between the eyes!

ha, we also have a 'boy look' - the phrase 'I've looked everywhere' when uttered by a male actually means I've looked everywhere in my direct line of sight at this precise moment in time'

VeremyJyle Wed 27-Feb-13 11:46:28

As well as the manlook we have the Fred as in Uncle Fred who makes such an awful cup of tea no-one asks him again! DH did this washing the DDs hair last night hmm, you have to wise up if they're genuinely useless at a task or just doing a Fred

Bejeena Wed 27-Feb-13 11:47:59

No they can't find anything in a cupboard unless it is right at the front, at least mine can't. If he does try and move things (very rare) he can never get them all back in!

Viviennemary Wed 27-Feb-13 11:51:34

I'm usually the one asking where things are. But DH drives me mad with his running commentary on what he's doing. I'll think I'll just read my book. I think I'll do this or I think I'll do that. Who cares. Just do it. That does sound awful but it's how I feel. grin

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 11:51:49

No, DH can't f

BumpingFuglies Wed 27-Feb-13 11:52:04

Bejeena I use the cupboard thing to my advantage and hide my vodka chocolate behind the condiments grin

StuntGirl Wed 27-Feb-13 11:53:19

My answer to silly questions is "I don't know" even when I do know the answer. Makes them look for the item themselves. Works a treat with the annoying girl at work who does it too.

lynniep Wed 27-Feb-13 11:54:08

oh yes. describes him to a tee.

Its normally just 'what are you doing?' thats enough to send me into an inner rage. I AM WASHING UP/ I AM MAKING TEA/ I AM WRITING A BIRTHDAY CARD TO YOUR MOTHER. USE YOUR EYES!

And the inability to find things. I have resorted to describing EXACT LOCATION of object rather than having to go find it myself e.g. Fridge. Middle Shelf. On left. Behind yoghurts. Tupperware container. Blue Lid. This relies of course on me remembering exactly where everything is.

And the repetition. If I have seen something I will attempt to describe its exact location. If I have not seen something (wallet/phone/radio are usual suspects ) then I will unlikely to have spotted it two minutes later when I am stuck in the kitchen cooking. I am still unlikely to have spotted it a further two minutes after that. So there is no point in asking me YET AGAIN.

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 11:56:17

Oops, posted too soon

DH can't find anything in a cupboard unless it's right at the front either. He can't find anything unless it's jumping up and down waving and yelling 'yoo-hooo!'

It's like he has to speak, whether it's a stupid question or a daft comment, he has to actually jus say something, anything

'are you going to have a bath?' as I'm walking into the bathroom wearing a dressing gown while the bath taps are running, it's like he's got verbal doody he'a

Fakebook Wed 27-Feb-13 11:57:14

I don't if this is true, but a colleague told me a few years ago that men tend to look for things in a very different way to women. I can't think of the right word right now, but men have a small visual window so tend to only look into one space if they're looking for something. Women will look all around the area they are searching in and will move things around to find their object.

I had never noticed before, but DH will never find something in a cupboard or drawer because he opens it, looks and shuts it whereas I open, move things, and normally find a lost item.

It may be something to do with the brain, but it's no excuse and is very annoying.

curryeater Wed 27-Feb-13 11:57:48

Someone at work does this. Nearly all my colleagues are women, but there is one man who basically refuses to find things or send them to people unless they jump off the computer screen into his face and wave at him. It is really fucking me off because it is not my job to do this, but I keep having to, because he "can't find it". By the time I have found them I feel I may as well send them to the client but I am thinking I should be PA and send them to him and make him send them on. No, I should just stop looking for his crap shouldn't I? AAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHH

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 11:59:06

Diarrhoea rather randomly autocorrected to doody he'a confused

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Wed 27-Feb-13 11:59:16

Constantly, all the time and always about where stuff is - bin bags have lived in a washing up bowl under the kitchen sink for the last 3 years and yet he asks me every time where they are.

Just before Christmas, he asked me if reindeer are real or made up creatures as part of the Santa story. confused

Bejeena Wed 27-Feb-13 12:03:29

Ha yes I also use the not being able to find things in a cupboard to my advantage too with treats!

Anyone else's just totally not capable of remembering where dishes go? He empties dishwasher and just puts stuff back in completely random places!

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 12:03:44

Just before Christmas, he asked me if reindeer are real or made up creatures as part of the Santa story

Don't laugh, but along the same lines, I didn't realise that sea horses were real until I was at an aquarium with my DDs about 3 years ago. I always thought they were some mythical fairy tale creature blush

meddie Wed 27-Feb-13 12:04:02

my dad did this all the time and my mum

dad: Do you want a coffee love?
mum: Ooh yes please
dad: Wheres the coffee?
mum: In the cupboard above the kettle
dad: The cupboard at the end? I don't see any coffee
mum: No the cupboard above where the kettle sits
Dad: That's just full of pans
Mum: No, that's the cupboard under where the kettle is
Dad: Is the sugar with the coffee?
Mum: Oh fgs I,ll just come make it myself
Dad: Would you make me one while you're there.....Throws me a wink.

Since that day with any men I refuse to bail them out looking for things even if I know where it is. My dad did it deliberately so my mum would just do it instead because 'it was quicker'

Christmasberry Wed 27-Feb-13 12:06:23

Which sandwich box is which (when making the childrens sandwiches) me- they have their names on in two places, how can you no see that?

javabean Wed 27-Feb-13 12:07:25

Don't know why my DH does this, but he does. He's perfectly competent and I always refuse to give him an answer, but he still asks stupid stuff.

DH goes to freezer to find bread and make toast for DD.
DH: Is this all the bread we have?
Me: I have no idea, why do you ask?
DH: There's only one slice left
Me: Oh, that's interesting. Where did you look?
DH: In the top drawer of the freezer
Me: Maybe you could try looking in the other drawers?
DH: (huff, puff) No, there's no more bread.

I mean, surely it's quicker just to look for yourself than run back and forwards between me and the kitchen asking???

PessaryPam Wed 27-Feb-13 12:21:41

freddie 'are you going to have a bath?' as I'm walking into the bathroom wearing a dressing gown while the bath taps are running

Mine has the annoying habit of replying to any statement with 'Are you?'

Example
Me: I'm just popping to the shops.
DH: Are you?
Me: No I am running away to sea.

It's up there with the questioning the bleeding obvious scenarios. In fact my DH does that too come to think of it.

alisunshine29 Wed 27-Feb-13 12:32:12

My DP does this too but also via DD. For example:
10 mins before we need to leave for school, I'm changing baby.
DD: I'm hungry
DP: shall I get DD1 breakfast?
Me: Yes please
DP: what's she having?
Me: I've already chopped melon then there's porridge sachets in front of the microwave
DP: which flavour will she have?

Cue DD: HELLO!! I am standing in front of you, why not ask me instead of expecting mummy to be a mind reader?

Ha.

Jayne266 Wed 27-Feb-13 12:33:34

My DH does the exact thing

Me- I am going to the shops do you need anything
DH- I don't know what do I need

Another is the lack of ability to make a choice by himself
<going to take DS to bed>
DH- What book do you want me to read to him?
Me- just pick one off his bookshelf
DH-ok
................
DH- what type of book should I pick?

Argh!!

PessaryPam: "Me: No I am running away to sea." grin

How about this one. Making the bed together (OK I expect that means I forfeit any right to complain!), DH goes off to get the bedding.

DH: "Which sheets do you want?"
Me: "The usual ones."
DH: "Which are they then?"
Me: "They are the only double sheets."

We have 3 identical cream-coloured sheets, which he has been sleeping on every night for the last 10 years. They are our only double sheets. The kids have single sheets of other colours, stored elsewhere.

DH: "Well I wasn't sure."
hmm

ChairmanWow Wed 27-Feb-13 12:38:44

It's shopping in our house, specifically DH buying the cheapest stuff possible even if it's shit or has gone off. And this, with our 23 month old:

DH: Here DS, a nice pear for you
Me: (as DS goes to bite it) Have you washed it?
DH: ( as son is biting into it) Oh sorry, forgot

DH: Got you some grapes DS
Me: Have you washed them?
DH: Sorry, forgot
Me: You need to wash his fruit before he eats it love
DH: Why are you always having a go at me

MrsRambo Wed 27-Feb-13 12:45:54

Totally relating to this thread. I have recently found that retorting to the endless questions with a stabby "why are you asking me?" has helped to decrease the volume of inane questions.

What I find particularly rage inducing are questions that I clearly cannot answer:

DP: Why has DD thrown her cup on the floor?
Me: Why are you asking me? <with the look of rage>
DP: Oh, just wondering ... wasn't expecting an answer ....
Me: <thought bubble - "idiot">

Tis trying...

CoalDustWoman Wed 27-Feb-13 12:52:22

And this is why some people ask how the fuck men got and keep the majority of the power in society.

I know it's lighthearted, but sheesh.

merlincat Wed 27-Feb-13 12:52:58

Dh and Ds 'look everywhere' for stuff and turn to me and Dds in a state of panic. I calmly state, and have taught Dds to do the same, 'a uterus is not a tracking device'.

HenD19 Wed 27-Feb-13 12:59:06

All v funny and relating with these stories as my DH does the same. Two of his most annoying habits are not looking properly for lost items and asking loads of annoying questions!

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Feb-13 13:00:33

DH, I swear, switches off his brain as soon as he stops work. It's like he husbands all his mental resources for work, and then relies fully on mine for life in general. (Except tennis - he has to use his own for that too.)

Daddy-looking - yep.
Where? to every single "could you please put x in y" request
Where are the towels/flannels/clothes pegs/cloths etc. etc. - every time.

CoalDust - it's because they "save their thinking for "higher things" " and let us poor women do all the trivial day-to-day thinking for them. Or that's how they'd like it to go.

DS1 has already started with the "Daddy-looking". It annoys the hell out of me blush

If DH asks stupid questions such as "What are you doing?" "Where are you going?" when it's bloody obvious, then I get sarcastic - "What does it look like I'm doing - perhaps going to the bathroom, does it look like that? Yes? Well that's exactly what I am doing, surprise, surprise"

He still does it though hmm

PessaryPam Wed 27-Feb-13 13:02:12

merlincat even when it has a coil fitted?

MoreBeta Wed 27-Feb-13 13:02:13

"I walk over to said cupboard, moves vinegar, hey presto there is salt !

Are men unable to move things to find other things ?"

But..... how do you know the vinegar needs moving and the salt is behind it?

<mystified and slightly suspicious that women have some sort of x ray vision>

confused

Cherriesarelovely Wed 27-Feb-13 13:02:30

Sorry but this is hilarious! Please post more!

PessaryPam Wed 27-Feb-13 13:04:29

Thumbs, my DM used to say that her DH used to decide important things such as whether to recognize Namibia or not, and she just did the trivial stuff like where they lived, what car they had etc

StuntGirl Wed 27-Feb-13 13:12:19

Thing is, it is bollocks and you are enabling them. If you weren't there do you think everyone would starve or they'd never find their car keys ever again? Of course not, they'd engage their brain and actually look properly.

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Feb-13 13:13:37

Sounds about right, PessaryPam - gah!

Fakebook - see, I refuse to accept that it's "just men" because my Dad is not like this. He sees things. My mum couldn't though. When I was 41w pg, I dinged the back door of the car I was borrowing off my parents - DH didn't notice until I pointed it out to him, but I knew there wasn't a cat's chance in hell of it getting past Dad's eagle eyes - and I was right. First thing he spotted. However, it does seem to be one of the "learned helplessness" tricks that a lot of men are so good at - my Dad has other examples of these (can't possibly operate a washing machine or dishwasher, for e.g. hmm)

GreatUncleEddie Wed 27-Feb-13 13:13:51

We don't, beta, until we look.

OxfordBags Wed 27-Feb-13 13:15:32

I'm going to nick that one, merlincat grin

Another DH here only capable of doing a 'man look'. If there is aaaanything within a foot of what he's looking for, it apparently obscures said object from his vision.

I also have to go into ridiculously laborious deails when telling him where things are, ie "It's on the middle shelf of the fridge, on the left, inbetween your ready meal and the cheddar. It might have gone slightly behind the cheddar" and even then he can't see it, ffs. I don't, however, get up and look for him. If he moans that he still can't find whatever it is he's after, I just say "oh well" in a bright tone and ignore his mounting his-teria (which is what I call it when he gets into a man-tizzy). Much amusement to be had from that.

Also, when he asks me what I'm doing when it's patently obvious, I answer with ridiculous replies, usually crude if it's a particularly stupid question, ie "What are you doing?" when I'm making a sandwich will be answered with something like "fucking a donkey".

Please note: replies are moderated in front of DS grin

And don't get me started on the way that he puts something down, however random or odd a place he might be putting it down in, the milisecond he has finished with it and immediately forgets where he has put it or even that he was the last person to touch it. It took us nearly 30 mins at the weekend to find DS's shoes because he'd gone out with DH and he'd taken them off. First he tried insisting that he had not taken them off DS, despite me not being in at the time and them clearly not being on his feet, then it was somehow my fault for not being able to work out where he would put them (erm, why would they not be on the shoe rack like always?).

They were in the under-stairs cupboard with the Xmas decorations. He still can't explain how that happened hmm

WheresMyCow Wed 27-Feb-13 13:17:01

The one that annoys me the most is when he asks me what the password for the laptop is. The password has not changed since it was set up 3 years ago, but it's his choice of password!!

Or when he says to me "is that dirty?" usually refering to the pan i've just been cooking in/the plate i've just finished using which are clearly dirty!

I sometimes have to stop myself from giving very sarcastic answers to his questions grin

OxfordBags Wed 27-Feb-13 13:17:51

PS Agree that it's not just men - my DM is the worst person for all this than anyone I know. And I thought I had escaped it, aaargh!

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Feb-13 13:23:14

oh I have another one that drives me crackers - DH has a habit of trying to hand me stuff while I have my hands full, and rather than notice I have no free hands, will just stand there jiggling the item in front of me while I give him the raised-eyebrow-WTAF-are-you-trying-to-do look. <sigh> It can take a few seconds, OR me saying "Oddly, I haven't grown a 3rd hand recently" before he twigs and then finds somewhere to put said item down (Usually in a very precarious place!)

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 13:31:19

My DH has a bit of a thing about handing stuff to me rather than nust putting it down

He made a cup of tea earlier and handed me one while I was sorting out some paperwork. I was using my fingers to mark my place in the papers and instead of just putting it down on the table I was sitting at, just stood there until I took it off him. Obviously v grateful for the tea, but why can't he just put it down?

But then he can't find anything when he does put it down, so I guess handing it to me is the lesser of the two evils.

He was building some new cabin beds for the kids on Monday, put the screwdriver down to speak to a friend on the phone, then spent 20 minutes trying to find where the hell he put it

bachsingingmum Wed 27-Feb-13 13:34:23

Common question from my DH "Where have you put x?" [some item of his that I have never touched]. After a stabby look from me follows the man look. (I will be using that phrase from now on - perfect.)
He can never find anything to eat in the freezer either. If it is not on top it is not there. I excavated 36 packs (yes really - I counted them) of fishcakes during a defrost recently.

"CoalDust - it's because they "save their thinking for "higher things" " and let us poor women do all the trivial day-to-day thinking for them. Or that's how they'd like it to go."

Do you know, I do think this is true. I feel I struggle sometimes to keep my mind clear because it is full of crap that I need to remember to keep everyone else organised. DH doesn't have this problem. hmm

ThwartedbyMum Wed 27-Feb-13 13:36:36

The other day DP text me 'which drawer is x y z in?'
Which wouldn't be so bad except he is currently living in East Africa and I am living in the UK - how the fuck would I know which drawer it's in?

Lancelottie Wed 27-Feb-13 13:44:48

Is it catching?

I do this in reverse.

2:55 last Thursday, my turn to do shared school run for multiple families -- 'DH, I can't find the caaar keeeeys! Any ideas?'

...which sounds reasonable till you realise that I was at home and had been all day, and he was a good 30 miles away.

It worked though. The enabling bastard pondered for a moment and came up with 'DS would have had his hands free so he probably unlocked the door yesterday. Have you tried down the side of the sofa as that's where he'll have gone to check his Facebook?'

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 13:46:31

A friend I was out for lunch with one day was impressed by my ability to find my youngest daughter's shoes, via telephone from 15 miles away following a panicked phone call from DH

FairyJen Wed 27-Feb-13 13:46:33

God this I my dp to a tee grin not that he has ever noticed its always his stuff that goes missing.

"where's my hammer, I put it On top of kitchen cupboard"

< why the actual fuck did you put hammer there? >
"no idea why would I want your hammer?"

"well ou must have moved it"

Said hammer turns up in kitchen drawer.

Honestly. confused

Crinkle77 Wed 27-Feb-13 13:52:05

My fella is exactly the same. he will open the fridge and say something like 'where is the cheese?' and I think well just open your eyes and move a few things around.

So familiar FairyJen. If he can't find something of his, it must be because I moved it. hmm

Why the hell would I go round the house moving stuff I didn't even know existed? never tidy up

Iaintdunnuffink Wed 27-Feb-13 13:54:47

My dh used to do this but I spent a long hard year refusing to play along with it. Increasingly I felt as if he was using my brain space to manage every tiny mundane aspect of family life.

I'd be there doing several jobs at the same time, 2 children asking me the bleeding obvious when my husband would chip in. Then he would have the audacity to laugh at me for forgetting words because I'd answer oh it's in the ...um...thing...um....one the doors under the stairs....yes the cupboard under the stairs. Oh do fuck off I'd think, sorry my answer wasn't clear and concise. I was engaged in other unrelated activities and thinking of something entirely different when you bombarded me with a random question.

I've explained to my family that I cannot give the GPS location of every item in the house. If they want to know something they should do what they're expecting me to do THINK.

Spice17 Wed 27-Feb-13 13:59:15

Not only is there the 'man look' but also the 'man search' where if something is not immediately visable, instead of doing what I any woman would do (put hand into cupboard/drawer/box, maybe move a few items around to find what I'm looking for)

DH will literally take everything out to find what he's looking for. So if it's DDs toy, he'll remove every toy from the box, if it's his razor, he'll take EVERYTHING out of the bathroom cabinet. Drives me potty!

Bananasinfadedpjs Wed 27-Feb-13 14:16:36

grin this all sounds so familiar.

DH is also completely unable to identify which clothes/shoes/coats belong to each of our two children. If he puts the washing away, everything is in the wrong person's wardrobe. He put a load of DD1's underwear in my drawer once. I mean, come on, even if my arse was that pert that I could fit into age 4 undies, why would I be wearing primary-coloured knickers with Hello Kitty on them? confused. So now he asks with every single item of clothing who it belongs to and where it goes <sigh>. Our 19 month old is better at identifying whose clothes are whose.

curryeater Wed 27-Feb-13 14:23:35

Then there is the one where you are in a robot-like mechanical panic, doing a thousand things before guests come / you get in the car to go on holiday / whatever, and your brain and eyes and hands are completely full of sandwiches/flasks/sheets/boots/etc, and they come and loom in the doorway and say "what shall I do with this?" and you stop what you are doing and focus on it and identify it as.... a (paid!) water bill... or something. And only then do you think: why could you not have invested a tiny bit more energy in saying "this water bill" instead of "this", thus not STOPPING me from doing this in favour of looking up and thinking about THAT, which, by the way, is not like some sacred water bill that only pertains to me and should probably be kept surrounded by lavender bags in a special drawer that only I know about, and also IS NOTHING TO DO WITH TRYING TO GET AWAY ON FUCKING HOLIDAY! (or whatever)

PessaryPam Wed 27-Feb-13 14:32:02

Hahaha curry, I now imagine a home filled with little loving pomaded drawers each with a special paid bill nestling in it.

celebmum Wed 27-Feb-13 14:34:26

my dh has all these delightful traits.. and more!
my favourite is when we are leaving house and just as we are about to go anounces that he just needs a wee/just needs to do this or that.. goes and 'just' does whatever then gets straight into car...
leaving me with toddler, baby in carseat, bags, pram, handbag, whatever else!! its like he expects me to magic it all into car!! every single time!!?!angry

Shaky Wed 27-Feb-13 14:36:15

My dp does the "man look" thing, it drives me insane.

He also repeats every question I ask him eg,

Me - "what do you fancy for tea?"
Dp - "Hmmm, what do I fancy for tea?"

Shaky Wed 27-Feb-13 14:39:32

Oh yes, the waiting until we are stood with coats on ready to leave the house, then announcing that he needs a wee, change his shirt, feed the cat etc

curryeater Wed 27-Feb-13 14:41:12

celebmum, the one where we nearly broke up(TM) was two years ago on holiday where one too many times we arrived somewhere, he would hop out of the car (only I drive, and I was still night-bfing so he was a lot more spritely than me) take dd1 (2) out of her car seat and stand there holding her expectantly, while I would be expected to get out of the car, go round to the boot, pull out the MASSIVE double pram, put it up, get dd2 (6 mo), put her in it, find all the bags, stuff them in the pram. WHY? The WHY applies to:

why was all this my job while he was happy to stand there holding a CHILD WHO CAN STAND UP as a main "job" (answer: it was a thoughtless thing deriving from the way a division of labour came about with a bfing baby, it just became "curry does the baby, do does the toddler");

WHY didn't I say anything about it before the moment I just sobbed and fell apart?

WHO thought that going on holiday in the UK with ONE person who can drive and ONE person who can breastfeed AND THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON was a good thing?

cerealqueen Wed 27-Feb-13 14:43:34

The 'dad looking' made me laugh, will start using that when Dp 'looks' for something.

Not silly questions but slightly annoying is that I have to respond or comment on everything DH says or he gets really irate as he thinks I am not listening to him!

There's a reason why my MNname is what it is. Although it's in response to DS not DH.

FairyJen Wed 27-Feb-13 14:45:35

Oh yes dp also does

"have we got anything to eat"?

"yes"

Them we sit there in silence while I wait for him to ask and he waits for me to offer to get him summat.

Just get up and feed yourself or just ask for what you want!!!

cerealqueen Wed 27-Feb-13 14:48:37

Just thought of another...when we go out for the day and I run around packing bags, sorting clothes etc, he'll get the DCs dressed and simply say 'shall I put them in the car' when on some occasions I am still wearing my pyjamas and can't work out why I am cross.

Or have the car running, while I am still getting myself dressed, like everybody is waiting for me because I have been sat on my arse dong nothing all morning. confused.

LadyRainicorn Wed 27-Feb-13 14:56:15

My dh has a sort of inverted man look. If its right in front of him, he can't see it. Peripheral items are fine. Dd1 has it too - where's x? Just by your foot. She wonders off to a random corner her eyes seemingly passing off x as if it had an invisibility cloak on, then gets upset she can't see x.

Lynned Wed 27-Feb-13 14:59:05

Lol at not knowing where the tumble drier was!

I have a theory, the more useless they are the less you will ask them to do!

curryeater Wed 27-Feb-13 15:08:39

cerealqueen, there is another one a bit like that where dp decides apparently randomly that I have been faffing about in the kitchen for long enough and informs dcs that dinner is ready. They bolt into the dining room and hurl themselves expectantly into their chairs, and then I am the tight bitch who is cruelly starving them because the spuds are rock hard.

Baiji Wed 27-Feb-13 15:13:54

DH always does a slightly baffled and incredulously questioning repetiton of the last word or so of a perfectly reasonable question / sentence, makes me want to kill him...

Me: 'It's parent's evening tomorrow'

Him: (with a look on his face as though I had proposed an evening of snake charming) '^parent's evening^?'

Me: The car tax is due on the Nissan'

Him: '^car tax^?'

Me: have you seen DD's reading book?

Him: '^reading book^?'

Baiji Wed 27-Feb-13 15:14:55

italics fail! but you get the picture. And so on, for ever, until one of us dies...

curryeater Wed 27-Feb-13 15:18:03

AGH Baiji! I know it.

Then there is the thing where they say something which has two salient parts but the toddler stuffs a mitten in your ear in one part, so you ask them to repeat it, and they repeat the part you heard already, AGAIN AND AGAIN

"there's a mfffmmnnnmmgggmgmmggg over there behind the slide"
"sorry?"
"BEHIND THE SLIDE" ("you idiot" face)
"sorry, what's behind the slide?"
"BEHIND THE SLIIIIIIIIIDE" (practically rolling his eyes and twirling his finger beside his temple)

curryeater Wed 27-Feb-13 15:27:20

Man, this is like therapy. I realise that it is politely going along with the notion that I am the incompetent idiot (which is why the whole family is waiting while I fight with the pram, or have to beg to have things repeated, etc) which reduces me to occasional meltdowns. Like Surrey Quays-gate. The conversation went like this:

DP: Surrey Quays has changed so much since I last went there.
me: really? When did you last go there?
DP: (Again, with a "you idiot" look): I used to live there.
me: I know, but when did you last go there?
DP: (in voice for the hard of understanding): I USED... to LIVE there.
me: Yes, I know, but that was before I met you, and I don't know when that was. Even if I did, I still don't know whether or not that was the last time you went there. If you are telling me that somewhere has changed a lot in a period of time, presumably you think that is interesting, but I won't know what is interesting about it unless I know what the period of time is. This is what you are refusing to tell me, even though you started this whole fucking conversation and presumably wanted to have it. So stop treating me like a fucking idiot.

After this he didn't speak to me for a few days and then suggested we have couples counselling.

curryeater, sorry but your husband sounds like a complete prick.

Celebmum has reminded me of another delightful thing dh does. He will hurry us all towards the front door, chivvying us towards the car, and then as soon as we have got in the car, he vanishes back into the house for some never-stated reason, leaving us all sitting there like lemons, wondering why he didn't bloody well do whatever it was before hurrying us all out of the house. Oh, and the colder it is in the car, the longer he will be indoors, doing whatever the friffing he'll it is.

Golly - that was a bit more ranty than I was expecting! blush

curryeater Wed 27-Feb-13 15:39:31

sorry, I might have gone a bit wrong and misused this thread. excuse me

No apology needed curryeater except from me if I've made you uncomfortable, but that is quite a level of fuckwittery he is handing you.

HazleNutt Wed 27-Feb-13 15:45:59

Oh I can relate to the man-blindness.

- where is x?
- in the drawer.
DH looks: no, not there
I walk over, without moving anything point at the item staring back at us.

How do they do it? Why?

The other thing - whenever we are going somewhere, we absolutely must have the "have we taken everything" moment. Consisting of DH listing everything we need for the particular trip: "So, we have wallets, phones, etc etc." Never, not once have we remembered something we actually had forgotten during this. We only remember the forgotten things half an hour from home..

Speedos Wed 27-Feb-13 15:46:14

Curryeater, your DH sounds like mine and I'm only beginning to realise it. We are in a very bad place at the moment.

My DH does that repeating thing as well.

Also he seems to think I am telepathic and starts conversations half way through. Then wonders why I have no idea what he was talking about.

For example-today.
DH So, the wedding is on June first.
Me "eh? What wedding?
DH The one that's in the castle
Me "DH I have no actual idea who is getting married and why it's in a castle. You are going to have to elaborate
DH Julie from work is getting married. In a castle. On June 1st. And she invited us.

So why didn't you say that then?

Also he cannot shop. He refuses to ask where anything is. If it is not in the place he expects it to be then clearly the item milk does not exist.

And god forbid he should buy 4 pints instead. Oh no. Because I asked for 6.

Pollykitten Wed 27-Feb-13 16:00:25

Yes to not being able to put things down esp the tea thing - I mean it is VERY nice of him to bring me a cup of tea to me in bed in the morning, but why can't he put it down!? I'm lying down, half asleep or asleep and he wants to pass the tea directly into my feeble hand. I always say very nicely 'would you mind putting it down? Thank you so much darling' and this is always greeted with a very long-suffering sigh.... it clearly upsets him no end to have to put the tea down on the bedside table

erowid Wed 27-Feb-13 16:13:23

DP: Where is such-and-such?
ME: Where do you think it would be?
DP: Probably in this-place
ME: Then thats where it will be

He'll get there, he's learning.

Velve Wed 27-Feb-13 16:14:52

DH and I both do it when we're not totally "present", due to tiredness, stress etc.
I was also like this constantly when I was pregnant.

Pandemoniaa Wed 27-Feb-13 16:27:37

DP can never find anything and always needs to ask where he might find everyday objects. Although he has a ludicrously long memory for long discarded things that used to be kept in places that no longer exist and have not existed for several years. The former cupboard under the stairs being a classic. Watching him gaze at the wall where the door to this cupboard used to be provides constant, if wearying entertainment. As does the commentary which goes along the lines of "I'm sure we had some pliers/wire/brushes to clean shoes with/a thermometer. What have you done with them?"

NishiNoUsagi Wed 27-Feb-13 16:30:23

curryeater and tantrumsandballoons
I fear we're all married to the same man, I get exactly the same thing and it drives me up the wall!

DH - "hbfhfrh fhuihs sfh on Tuesday."
Me - "Sorry, what on Tuesday?"
DH - "Germany!"
Me - "Germany? On Tuesday? What's happening in Germany on Tuesday?"
DH - "Bob!"
Me, slowly losing will to live - "Bob?! OK, I didn't hear any of the sentence except "Tuesday", please can you repeat the sentence again with all the words that you used the first time, in exactly the same order? Please?"
DH - "Oh, Bob is going to Germany next Tuesday."
Me - (considers saying I have no idea who the heck Bob is, but given that I already need valium and a lie down, give up) "That's lovely, dear."

Actually recently, I hear "dhsf hfsihs hfsh fs chicken!" and just say "Oh really?/Hmm!/Did you?" at random. Then when he says "You're not listening, are you.." I say, "No," smile nicely and wander off. It's much more relaxing!*

*disclaimer - may not be a healthy attitude wink

pacific407 Wed 27-Feb-13 16:37:18

It's so great reading all of these posts - I'm always getting an earful for my "attitude" when I dare to point out that, for example, there is just no way that I would have moved his spirit level. I literally cannot imagine a scenario whereby I am alone in the house, go hunting for his spirit level, and then move it to a random location (after presumably having used it or else why have I gone looking for it in the first place).

I had a great one the other week - DH generally puts DS to bed while I make dinner downstairs. This never, ever, happens without at least 5 questions being shouted down the stairs at me, often requiring me to actively intervene. This time, I'm down the stairs, elbow deep in vegetables. DH: "DW, could you just put some toothpaste on DS's toothbrush for me?". confused

Pandemoniaa Wed 27-Feb-13 16:45:49

Can I just add the secondary complaint which some of you have touched on which is the asking of incomprehensible questions?

Only DP specialises in being two rooms away before asking some of his more fuckwitted questions. Which makes the dialogue doubly frustrating since you know you've been asked something ridiculous but could only hear part of it.

Last Sunday's Thermometer Gate was a classic of this. It started behind a closed bathroom door and concluded with him saying (much in the manner of a small child discovering that some much-loved item had been callously discarded) "But I always used to have a thermometer. Always! Why have you thrown it away?". I hadn't, as it happens. He just couldn't get beyond the non-existent cupboard under the stairs situation again.

we're about to go out as a family.

dh - get bag, put on shoes and coat then go and sit in the car.

me - hassle ds's to hurry up, check the back door is locked, all windows closed, ds's have been to the loo, got everything they need to take with them, make sure I have everything ie shopping bags, mobile, recycling(?) etc, then put on shoes etc, shout at ds's to hurry up, put on alarm and lock up.

all the time dh is sat in the car more and more fidgety about waiting for us.

last time this happened I said 'we'd be much quicker if you could help me lock up etc rather than just go and sit in the car'

his response 'I didn't know that you needed help, and I didn't want to get in the way!'

makes me aarrhh just thinking about itangry

Have you moved the cupboard under the stairs, Pandemoniaa, or did it just vanish one night?

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 17:09:21

We've just had one of the most ridiculous conversation

DH was upstairs in the loo. I've just come in from school run

DH - Barry just rang
Me - who is Barry?
DH - not Barry, Barry!
Me - right, that clears that up
DH - the solicitor
Me - oh, you mean Anne
DH - yes
Me - <banging my head on desk>

anonymosity Wed 27-Feb-13 17:11:55

How about "I'd put my hat on if I knew where it was" - while standing next to hat which is on an otherwise totally empty table.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Wed 27-Feb-13 17:14:17

I like doody he'a as an autocorrect.

Purple2012 Wed 27-Feb-13 17:16:51

Mine always buys the most expensive thing in a supermarket - it's at eye level and he doesn't look around so I have to be very specific with the shopping list.

Once I wrote 'White seedless grapes' in the list. He came back saying
'I spent 20 minutes looking for White grapes and they didn't have any so I got green ones'

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Wed 27-Feb-13 17:17:33

Ugh, I hate DH handing me stuff when my hands are full or I'm doing something. Leave it on the side, dear, thanks.

SkivingAgain Wed 27-Feb-13 17:20:33

Mine has a different variety of irritating question. He asks things like "Are you my sweet/floss/other silly name?" or says "Isn't it?" at the end of everything he says, looking for confirmation that I agree with him. Aaaargh. He is very nice and I'm a miserable cow

Deux Wed 27-Feb-13 17:24:46

My DH does this really irritating thing about packing the car before we go on holiday.

I don't know why it takes him so long and it's not as if we have tonnes of stuff. It happened recently at half term. All that was going into the boot was one suitcase and one small trolley case.

I wasn't even dressed myself and he was trying to pack everything into the car as I was trying to make sure that everything was in the cases. Ended up having to put the toothbrushes and toothpaste in a plastic bag as he'd whipped the cases away. As soon as my back was turned the suitcase was off.

Any other DHs do this? <hopeful>

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Wed 27-Feb-13 17:25:27

I do do the starting conversations part way through thing, though.

LittleBearPad Wed 27-Feb-13 17:32:23

Deux not exactly but my DH does start fretting about packing about a week before we go away. I'm not sure why he thnks it takes as long as he imagines but it's a constant refrain leading up to hols.

curryeater Wed 27-Feb-13 17:38:52

Oh well I do the annoying thing where I talk to dp who is in a different room and expect him to hear me.
If there is an open packet, and there is also an unopened packet in the fridge, I always put the open one on top of the unopened one. It has to be on top of it, just near it won't do - he will definitely open the new one, I don't know why, statistically it should sometimes not happen, but it always does. , we nearly always m

BalloonSlayer Wed 27-Feb-13 17:46:37

Dh often asks me about whether DC should be wearing gloves, or a thick coat rather than just fleece, or some other detail.

"I don't know, DH, perhaps you ought to ask one of his parents "

zeno Wed 27-Feb-13 17:48:36

Fakebook I've also seen that thing about the man-blinkers when looking for things. Apparently it applies most strongly in drawers and cupboards.

I find I am far less cross with dh not being able to locate things now as I accept that's how it is and that it may not actually be a deliberate perversion on his part. God knows he puts up with plenty of foibles from me!

WithASpider Wed 27-Feb-13 17:52:31

DH likes to wait until i've packed the car for holiday before trying to help.
Then about an hour into the journey he'll start asking if i've remembered things.

IF i have unlikely then we're not fucking going back for it now!!!!

Deux Wed 27-Feb-13 18:06:35

I'm sure i read something about these male/female differences being evolutionary in nature.

Women scanned when foraging so had to notice the detail and men had to have better peripheral vision and long sight for hunting and being on the look out for predators.

Still doesn't make it any less frustrating.

DS can never find anything unless I say there is chocolate somewhere in the cupboard. He can rummage for that no problem.

Artesia Wed 27-Feb-13 18:06:38

Oh thank heavens! I thought it was just my DP- the man-looking, the daft questions, handing me stuff when my hands are full/ I am busy. It drives me round the bend! But now I know most men are the same, I realise there is no point trading him in for another one unless it is Steve Backshall

Just to add another, he often adds " do you know what I mean?" on the end of sentences. Eg "so and so really annoyed me at work today, do you know what I mean?". Gaaaah- of course I know what you mean- I am not an utter imbecile.

Obviously I don't have ANY annoying habits that wind him up.....

pluCaChange Wed 27-Feb-13 20:30:11

Do you know the song There's a Hole in My Bucket, Dear Liza? That is ALL about this!

On a lighter note, DS came into the kitchen the other day, shrieking, "Mummy! Abney and Teal are doing Man Looking!"

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 20:52:48

Well, DH had a big panic earlier about not being able to find some paperwork he needed for a school governor meeting.

It was in a folder, in the junk paperwork cupboard where we always keep this stuff, but obviously I'm the only one who knows this hmm

I laid on the couch and ignored him, slightly amused by the increasing tizzy, but man, that felt good!

orangeandlemons Wed 27-Feb-13 21:03:10

Soaccidentprone, that is my dh, it drives me nuts. He will put his coat on and announce he is ready,leaving me fiddling round with coats, packed lunches, shoes, teddies, hats et all. Meanwhile he starts to tap his foot with impatience and * texts* totally unaware of the malestrom and my increasing fury.

I have taken to putting my coat on and standing by door saying nothing. I really enjoy the confusion on his face

Pilgit Wed 27-Feb-13 21:04:11

DH is dreadful at this but him and his dad doing DIY together is the funniest thing to watch. Last time I had to leave the house as my laughing was winding them up. They both put things down and then can't find them. They spend about 40% of their DIY time looking for things they have put down. To watch it is like some sort of bizarre morcambe and wise sketch!

The classic from DH though was shortly after we moved into our first house. He'd been doing some DIY in the office (grand name for a glorified cupboard) and had left some tools on the floor in the back bedroom. Now, you had to walk through the second bedroom to get to the office. He'd left them in what was effectively the corridor that he walked through every day to get to his office. Two weeks later after NOT moving the tools he actually asked me where his saw and hammer was as he couldn't find them. To which my response was incredulity as he had to take a bigger step to get over them every day for two weeks!

PMSL at 'a uterus is not a location device'!

this has to be the funniest thread ever.
Just thought of another thing.

DH - when is Mothers Day ?
Me - the 10th March

a week later
DH - when is Mothers Day ?
Me - three weeks Sunday, the 10th March

this Saturday
DH - Shit I need to rush out and get a Mothers Day Card !
Me - Why ?
DH - because it's tomorrow !
Me - No you have another 2 weeks yet.
DH - I thought you said it was the 10th
Me - Yes it is the 10th
DH - wanders off looking confused.

Why ask and question and then not listen to the answer and not once in eight years have I let him forget Mothers Day !

Oh and

We work together so go together in the same car and drop DD off on the way.
He leaves house with his laptop bag. I follow with my laptop bag, my handbag, DD's school bag, DD lunch bag and DD........

I challenged my DH on this stuff this evening.

Me: Why do I always have to remember things? (like who's doing what when, when half-term is etc.)
DH: No point in both of us remembering! I would remember if I didn't have you to remember for me!

Thing is he has a much better memory than me for non-family stuff.

orangeandlemons Wed 27-Feb-13 21:21:34

Havetowearheels,I instructed my dh to pick stuff up, otherwise it stays on the side. It also drives me mad that when we are out en famille I have bags, teddies coats, whining dd, and he is wandering ahead hands free. I have started hollering after him to carry stuff and to stop walking away. I call it passive childminding, he just seems to screen it all out.

AlwaysWashing Wed 27-Feb-13 21:30:04

Lordy I've got one that "man looks" too.
Tbf I thought I was alone so this is reassuring/disturbing in equal measure!
Today:
Me "Can you fetch me a clean vest for * please hun".
DH. "Where are they?".
Me "In the wardrobe???" (Thinking to myself that they're in the same place they always are.)
DH " What hanging up?"
Me " Nooooo, on the shelf in the basket" (Thiinking why the f**k would I hang up vests?? Also that they have always been kept in the basket on the shelf".

So many situation that go "Will you bring xyz down with you when you come please." Resulting in "It's not there." Me going back up stairs and it's in plain sight. Aaaaargh!

I love him dearly with all my heart but FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!!!

Nandocushion Wed 27-Feb-13 21:39:12

I no longer find things for my DH. He will say: "Where is my codpiece?" and I tell him it's in the closet. He then opens the closet door and looks at whatever is exactly at eye level and says "It's not there". So my rule is that I will go and look in the closet for his codpiece, and if I see it in there, I close the closet door and he has to go back in and find it himself. I do this with the kids too.

freddiefrog Wed 27-Feb-13 21:46:10

Oh, god. DH is now home from earlier meeting and we are watching Child of Our Time (when did those kids get to be nearly 13 shock ) and we have a constant stream of

"who is that?"
"what's wrong with them?"
"how old is that one?"
"is she the one born really premature?"

Ad infinitum

For the love of god, I don't know, I've seen as much of it as you have. Shut the fuck up and watch it and you might find out!!!!!

Every single TV programme or film we watch together he does it

freddie I guilty of that sad

thixotropic Wed 27-Feb-13 22:11:15

deux yes, whisks bags away to put into the car the second I turn my back. Leaves me stood holding eg toothbrushes with nothing to put them in.

Manys a time I'm shoving carrier bags of unpacked stuff in the boot next to a half full case. Cue him whining that we have too much stuff and it should all fit in the cases.

We'll it fucking would fit if you fucking well let me put the bastard stuff in it.

Fucker

Shodan Wed 27-Feb-13 22:19:05

I'm another who's very glad to know that there are other men Out There who do these things. DH does all of them (man-looking/endless questions etc etc) but for some reason, the thing that irks me most is his use of the word 'must'.

Thus:

Me: Could you put the shopping away please?
DH: Yes. (Picks up tomatoes). Where must I put these?
Me: In the bowl.
DH: This bowl?
Me: Yes, that one (the only one in sight)
DHsadPicks up cat food). Where must I put this?
Me: In the larder.
DH: (muffled) Which shelf must I put it on?
Me: The top one. Where it always goes.
DHsadpicks up milk) And where must this g....
Me: (snatches milk.) Thank you, I can take it from here. Could you get ds2 into his pjs please?
DH: Yes. (pause while he goes upstairs) WHERE MUST I LOOK FOR HIS PYJAMAS?
Me: (fingers in ears lalalalalala I can't hear you)

I recently had cause to limit him to five pointless questions before breakfast. My defences are very low before then and I need my strength grin

And of course, who can forget the last-minute pointless task-doing...

Family birthday at our house. I am cooking/cleaning/tidying/laying the table/nagging the boys to get dressed with tour guests due in half an hour. DH decides that this is the absolute best time to sort out his paperwork, requiring a search for the hole-punch, much trotting up and down stairs for files, papers being sorted into neat piles etc etc. This could clearly not have been done at any point in the six months previous (while he was, say, watching the golf/football/rugby on TV) and if challenged, he will affect an injured tone and say 'But you wanted me to help tidy up!'

I mean, honestly.

Shodan Wed 27-Feb-13 22:19:52

I have no idea where those random sad faces came from. He's never sad about putting the shopping away...

Shodan Wed 27-Feb-13 22:21:08

Oh fgs.

Preview, woman, preview.

Our house is not grand enough to warrant tour guests.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Wed 27-Feb-13 22:25:45

Last minute pointless multi-tasking - check.

Shaky Wed 27-Feb-13 22:28:26

I pay a lovely lady to do our ironing, she picks it up on a Wednesday,

Today, the ironing lady comes, dp sent her away because he couldn't find the ironing! The fuck off big basket of clothes was in our bedroom instead of the spare room but dp couldn't find it angry

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Wed 27-Feb-13 22:32:43

Oh, shaky sad. DP is going to do that ironing or arrange for it to be dropped off, yes?

Did you read the spoonyfucker thread?

iMyself Wed 27-Feb-13 23:10:41

This thread is a real tonic. Pretty much DH to a tee.

DH: points to laundry basket Do these need to go in the washing machine?
Me: Seriously you have to ask?

Que me spending the day make remarks such as standing outside car "Do I need to open the door?".

Thumbwitch Wed 27-Feb-13 23:18:53

Shodan, your typos did make me grin!

DH is another one guilty for the taking himself off to the car while I find everything. Or rather, he was. I now have worked out a system whereby I block the front door with the bags that are ready to go out to the car. He is not allowed to touch anything that isn't by the door (yes, he also used to whip them away before they were ready but he soon learnt the error of that one).
What he will not do is help get anything ready. So if we were going on a 12h road trip, he would fill his water bottles and that's it. While I get the freezerbag out and load all the picnic food, plates, cups, necessary cutlery etc.
How it works is if he doesn't need it, then no one does. hmm
As you can imagine, this goes down like a lead balloon when you have 2 chidren under 6 in the car as well.
He also only ever packs his own bag for holidays - he wouldn't have a clue where to start for DC.

One of my cunning paybacks is that I will NOT put his clean clothes away, they get dumped on his bed. Then he never has to ask me where any of his clothes are, at least. grin

Shaky Wed 27-Feb-13 23:25:48

Doctrine it can wait till next week. I would have to teach dp what an iron looks like, show him how to put up the ironing board etc. if he can't even find the fecking ironing basket, I'll just wait patiently for next Wednesday.

If he dare moans that he had not got any shirts in his wardrobe, I will not be responsible for my actions ...

ssaw2012 Wed 27-Feb-13 23:28:15

Mine asks in a tone like its my fault he is not able to find his phone, keys, charger or wallet. Then all these things will be in different places. Why?

Shaky Wed 27-Feb-13 23:28:48

The spooneyfucker thread was ace! I have a walk past the bin and put everything on the work top fucker

As well as a cannot see a fucking big basket of clothes in the bedroom fucker

MidnightMasquerader Wed 27-Feb-13 23:30:40

[[http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-OcMEmVN7vjQ/UGQZb4Nv-qI/AAAAAAAAHz0/aBOw0rljBwk/s1600/said+no+husband+ever.jpg Heh...] grin

MidnightMasquerader Wed 27-Feb-13 23:31:32
cerealqueen Wed 27-Feb-13 23:36:09

thumbwitch am with you there, I put away socks and underwear, nothing else as I don't want a 6am conversation where is a certain shirt or rather, where did `you put my shirt...

The spoonyfucker thread!

faulkernegger Thu 28-Feb-13 00:02:30

Ditto to all the above! Thank God I am not alone! Laughing so much I can't go to bed yet - I know I'll get flashback giggles under the duvet!

Pandemoniaa Thu 28-Feb-13 00:35:28

We did some fairly huge renovations on the house SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius and the cupboard under the stairs did, indeed disappear overnight, so to speak, but then so did the stairs - although they were replaced by beautiful new stairs. We both agreed that the cupboard was surplus to requirements and the v. pleasant little alcove revealed by the loss of it was much nicer so it didn't come as a shock but four years later, he subconsciously mourns it, I suspect. Not that he had a clue what was in there anyway given the astonishing items that were discovered when it was finally cleared out.

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Thu 28-Feb-13 14:13:44

I love 'flashback giggles'!

Mother2many Thu 28-Feb-13 18:50:53

Packing up to go to the hotel for the night...and this is what I get...

DH: Are we spending the night?

ME: hmm no, we are just renting the room for a few hours.... SERIOUSLY?

Mother2many Thu 28-Feb-13 19:06:32

Man, I had to back track and read all of these! I didn't know so many men were sometimes a bit stupid... lololol grin

I also can't hear him half the time.. stop mumbling I say....

I do get sarcastic now... and my partner will say, "I'M just asking!" as his arms are waving in the air.

I respond...

why ask such a stupid question then??

GrendelsMum Thu 28-Feb-13 19:18:00

Gosh, does no one else just look blank and say "I don't know, darling"?

If not, I recommend you try it. I get very few questions about where things are.

I have to admit that having been on holiday with my DMiL and my DSiL, and seen the way they treat him, I can see exactly how he originally got like that.

"Gosh, does no one else just look blank and say "I don't know, darling"? "

We had many conversations like this on Saturday mornings, when the kids had activities:

DH: When do we need to get up?
Me: Same time as usual
DH: But when does swimming start?
Me: Same time as last week
DH: When was that?
Me: Same time as the week before, and the week before that, and every week for the last 2 years
DH: Why won't you just tell me?
Me: Why don't you just know?
DH: Why are you so mean to me?
hmm

Haven't tried "Don't know" but I guess that would get the "mean" comment too - he knows I know!

Lancelottie Thu 28-Feb-13 21:23:17

Oh yes, NGNB.

DH regularly asks me what time school finishes.

Oldest child is now 16, so we've had children at the same primary for 12 years...

PMSL at these - its ME how does 'man looking' (I've looked EVERYWHERE - DH produces item immediately) but DH does pretty much everything else... I've tried I don't know/you should know approach but get accused of being mean..

Suddenly changing where a kitchen item lives in the kitchen is a favourite, then not being able to find it when I put it back in its old place..

It's the 'oh I thought.. pointless story about being wrong in a mundane manner
stories when found that do my head in though...

Tigerbomb Thu 28-Feb-13 23:08:36

MY DH does all these things grrr

The most annoying thing he does is watch me running all the over the place like a blue arsed fly tiding up, cooking dinner, sorting things out in a multi tasking kind of way
DH (Sing song voice) "What you doing"?
Me (exasperated) "I'm fucking Brad Pitt, what does it look like I am doing"?
DH (Huffy) "I was only asking, I'll fuck off as you don't need my help"

Sigh

GreatUncleEddie Fri 01-Mar-13 08:09:52

Yes tiger,but multi tasking is a thing of wonder to men, doncha know.

MamaBear17 Fri 01-Mar-13 08:19:45

Me (to hubby whilst he was in the shower): Hubby, there is water coming through the ceiling in the kitchen (below the bathroom).
Hubby: Are you sure?
Me: Yes, it is dripping on my head.
Hubby: What kind of drip is it??

LOL, this has made me giggle....

DH does the "man look" as well, but he's pretty OK in other areas.

Mostly he's always looking for his lighter

DH - "I can't find my lighter"
Me - "Oh....."
DH - "I had it a minute ago" <<searches profusely>>
Me - "it's just there" <<points at it from the other side of the room where I can see it incredibly clearly"

Also, he gets annoyed when I move his stuff. But he leaves it everywhere, on the kitchen table, on the side etc. We have a two year old so I put things away to get them out of her way. Paperwork, letters, nail clippers, scissors etc. Sometimes I DO forget where I've put them (normally if she's about to grab something I've missed and I'll hastily hide it). But the point is....if he didn't leave it lying around everywhere then I wouldn't have to move it so he would know where it was.

I blame the house....it eats things grin

Saski Fri 01-Mar-13 08:48:18

Oh, my husband.

I went so far as to buy a cabinet to keep just next to the door, and there is a drawer that is labeled "saski's husband's stuff". I put his wallet, his stop-smoking mints that he's addicted to, his papers that he leaves about - everything in here, except his keys, which I put on the giant key holder that's also just next to the door.

Then, I had a shoe rack built just inside the door, with his designated shoe place. I put his shoes here.

Then, I mounted box, just next to the door, labeled "scarves/hats/gloves" and I put his scarves, hats and gloves in it.

Every day when he leaves for work: "Saski, where are my keys? Saski, do you know where my mints are? Where is my wallet? Where is my scarf? Where is my XXX file?"

And I say, did you check the key rack, your drawer, your drawer, the scarf box, your drawer?

And so on. I find it so frustrating.

MadderHat Fri 01-Mar-13 08:55:18

My mother in law and father in law live in separate main residences, but he's at hers most weekends. Whenever he has a cup of tea, he wanders to the back of the living room and stares out at her garden. She had a conservatory built on the back of her living room. He didn't notice till several weeks after they starting eating dinner in there.
(He did, at least, notice when she turned her downstairs loo into a showerr before he used it...)

AmberLeaf Fri 01-Mar-13 09:02:08

One of my sons does the not really looking thing, If I need something, even if I specify exactly which room and where, he will go up and end up calling down that he can't find it.

My Dad does it too

Dad: where is the notepad
stepmum: its on the bookcase

Dad stands in front of bookcase, after a millisecond...

Dad: its not there ngaaaaaarrrrgh!

stepmum walks over to bookcase, reaches to 3rd shelf down and hands dad the notepad.

Its as though if it is not immediately visible, then it isn't there?

It is a very immature way of being IMO, it reminds me of the test they do with children, the one with the ball in a basket or a doll or something? forget the name they use for it.

Fakebook, I have read something about the way people see things, spatial something or other.

The man search is another one I can identify with, my EX used to be good at that, he'd empty a whole kitchen 'oddments' drawer over the worktop to find something that he could have found by moving 2 items to the side. That used to piss me right off as he would never put things back in any sort of order. Note he is my EX!

Another thing he would do was to be searching through a cupboard/drawer whatever, lots of sighing and mutterings of 'FFS' etc, Id helpfully ask 'what are you looking for?' he'd say 'nothing' so Id say 'ok then' and go and sit down, after about 20 mins more, he'd concede and come and ask where is the xxx and Id tell him exactly where it was. It was as if it hurt his pride to have to ask. Idiot.

Another one my EX was good at was asking me while supermarket shopping if I was finished yet? this would always happen when we were about half way round the supermarket! of course I'm not fucking finished you fool! I laughed once when he asked as my DS age 2 at the time piped up from his trolley seat 'NO!' before I could grin

The silly thing was, he could have not come shopping, but he always wanted to, probably just so he could read the magazines for free while he aimlessly followed me around.

I really don't miss that man.

erowid Fri 01-Mar-13 09:07:54

MadderHat: Reminds me of my DH. I'd asked him for months to put 2 shelves up in the hallway but he always found something else to do, so one afternoon I put them up myself.

6 weeks later He asked me where something was and I told him I'd put it on the shelf in the hallway and he said "What shelves? I haven't even put them up yet" hmm

seeker Fri 01-Mar-13 09:09:17

As usual, the solution is simple. Only form adult relationships with other adults.

And if it's too late for yougrin make bloody sure that your sons grow into the sort of adults you would like your daughters to form relationships with.

And that your daughters grow into the sort of women who can hold out for a grown up!

AmberLeaf Fri 01-Mar-13 09:19:56

Absolutely seeker!

My defence is that both me and my EX were very young when we got together, I grew up, he didn't. Don't think he has yet TBH!

My sons are a work in progress.

"6 weeks later He asked me where something was and I told him I'd put it on the shelf in the hallway and he said "What shelves? I haven't even put them up yet""
grin

PointlessCow Fri 01-Mar-13 10:28:36

My major annoyance is the 'are you okay?' question. It is never rhetorical, as in an areyouokay type greeting. No bizarrely DH expects an answer. I try to ignore but he just asks again.

DH: are you okay?

Me: <ignoring>

DH: 'You okay, yeah?'

Me: 'mmm' <noncommittal, while actually thinking 'well, I have a bit of niggly headache, I'm a concerned that DD hasn't had her SALT appointment through, my shin is randomly hurting, I still haven't sorted out the mildew in the bathroom, I am pissed off that you have failed to rinse the tea down the sink AGAIN, I need to buy your mother a birthday card and THE DOG HAS JUST FARTED'

This is obviously not the answer that DH requires. This would stress him out too much. The sheer amount of stuff in my head is an utter alien concept to him as he bumbles through domesticity. But then he has a wife, doesn't he?!

Aaaargh! <goes to lie down in a darkened room>

PointlessCow Fri 01-Mar-13 10:32:13

Oh God, Freddie yes, the loitering with a cup of tea! DH does that too. Drives me mad.

I am not ungrateful, I just have my hands full of paperwork/baby/paintbrush/wet clothes. CAN YOU NOT SEE?!!

Omnishambolic Fri 01-Mar-13 10:36:29

Last night I caught a train home from work which is advertised on the main (London) terminal boards as being to "Station X, stopping only at Station X". Train starts. Guard announces "this is the such and such time train to Station X, stopping only at Station X where it will terminate". Train stops quarter of an hour later at Station X, a big Station X sign is clearly visible outside the window. Man turns to fellow passenger: "What station is this?"

Thumbwitch Fri 01-Mar-13 10:49:15

It actually amazes me that so many men are happy to be enfeebled in this way, in fact actively seek to become this enfeebled.
It's like that story about the old man who, once widowed, doesn't know how many sugars he takes in his tea because his wife always answered for him. Less her being in control, more him not being arsed to remember such "trivia"!

I sincerely hope that my DSs do NOT continue this trend, but DS1 has already started with the "man looking" and he's only 5 (but has been doing it since was about 3) - I've stopped helping him look for stuff already, am very hard on him and tell him if he can't find it then it must be lost, oh well, too bad (toys) and "just keep looking it will be there somewhere" (shoes, clothes). Will it work?

WhatKindofFool Fri 01-Mar-13 11:00:41

You are obviously the new wife of my ex husband grin

MadderHat Fri 01-Mar-13 14:49:01

erowid: "What shelves? I haven't even put them up yet" grin

Thumbwitch: yes, my four year old DS1 has this terrible tendency too. I am trying to work through it, but with his grandfather's genes in him I am concerned I will not succeed.

sazpops Fri 01-Mar-13 15:26:57

Oh blimey,yes to all these.

And , like erowid, I put up a new picture the other day as DH had failed to do it for the past 8 weekends, despite saying he was going to every Friday night. It's hanging next to our bedroom door and you really can't go into the bedroom without seeing it, but he'd gone in six or seven times before I asked if he'd noticed anything and he finally spotted it.

And definitely yes to asking 'What's my password' for various internet stuff.

One day my head will just explode.

Tigresswoods Fri 01-Mar-13 15:32:43

When DH does the rubbish man look and says "it's not there" I usually say "do you need me to look in the exact same place". Cue him realising he's being rubbish.

higgle Fri 01-Mar-13 15:35:52

We call it "male pattern blindness" which is not to be able to find something - a jar of peanut butter for example-which is right at the front of the right shelf in the right cupboard.

MooMooSkit Fri 01-Mar-13 16:04:35

When something goes missing, first person to blame is MOI. Obviously it COULDNT POSSIBLY be our THREE year old who loves hiding things in cupboards/tumble driers/washing machines/under sinks!!!

Shodan Fri 01-Mar-13 16:19:04

Tigress

When DH does the rubbish man look "...

At first I thought you meant dustmen and had visions of dozens of dustmen knocking on front doors , saying "Do you want me to empty your bin? What, this one? This one here?" or "I can't see your dustbin" while women up and down the country led them by the ear to the big bin 2 feet away, saying "YES! THIS ONE!!" grin

NK2b1f2 Fri 01-Mar-13 22:36:43

Still catching up reading the thread but just snorted wine over my keyboard at 'a uterus is not a tracking device' grin. Genius.

NK2b1f2 Fri 01-Mar-13 23:13:16

I often get the 'are you okay?' or 'what are you thinking?' questions. Refuse to answer honestly because the answer to the first is 'don't get me started!' and the answer to the second one would blow his mind. I have a constant ticker tape of stuff to do and remember running through my head, so could rattle off a list of 257 things I need to do tomorrow....

I am getting better at refusing to 'find' things for dh though, although did use some impressive detective work recently. dh had lost his bank card and (predictably) asked me where it was after not finding it for a week or two. I told him that I last saw him use it while paying for something online, using his laptop, sitting on our bed. I then remembered something dropping on the floorboards at the end of our bed later that night when we went to bed. Went to check and bingo, there it was between bed base and blanket box. Quite frankly, I should have got a medal!

SoMuchToBits Fri 01-Mar-13 23:17:21

Past 8 weekends, Sazpops? That's nothing! MrBits never ever put up the height boards we received from friends for ds when he was a year old. He is now 12, we have given them away, as he exceeded the maximum height on them before MrBits got round to putting them up........

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