To expect my DM and DF to replace every toy their dogs destroy?(33 Posts)
I unfortunately live with my DM and DF at the moment.
They have 2 dogs who get away with absolutely everything and have not been trained a day in there life.
They keep chewing DS's toys, Not just a little mark but completely ripping them apart so they are destroyed, Taking them when I am not looking and running off with them until I notice that a toy/part is missing. This has happened about 10 times now with various toys that DS loves.
My DF says 'They have chewed things all there life, They will chew'.
I keep them away from me and DS during the day when we are playing but as soon as my DF comes home I get told 'Do not keep them away, It's there home too!'
It is doing my head in.
AIBU to expect them to replace every toy they ruin?
I'm on the fence because it's their home. When your dad is around, can you remove yourselves to a different room? Not ideal I know. Do the dogs have their own toys to play with?
Well you are living in their house, so although technically you might not be being unreasonable it might be best to remember which side your bread is buttered, clean the toys up behind you as quickly as possible and let it slide.
We have 3 other rooms that the dogs can go to but they like the room where me and DS are because they continuously bark out the window.
I have all of DS's toys in there and it is the main TV room so I wouldn't want to go anywhere else just so the dogs can have the room.
The dogs have plenty of toys to chew/play with and DF is continuously telling DS off if he picks one up as they are 'The dogs toys'.
I think you are being unreasonable if the dogs were tere irst and its your parents house, but I also completely understand and sympathise with your pain.
Could you use a playpen to section off an area of room for your DS to play toys in?
I have one that opens out into a room divider. It has a little lightly sprung gate so with something like mine your DS could get in/ out at leisure but the dogs probably couldn't. They're not too expensive on ebay and you could sell on after use.
I'm with crash - if you were a visitor, I'd agree with you and suggest you should just tell them you can't visit their home if they won't reimburse you for toys. But you're living with them.
Are you paying for most of the household (they'e moved in with you)? If so, maybe you could impose some rules and you definitely need a talk. But if you've moved in with them, it is their house and while you can ask and you should definitely put your case to them strongly, you can't really insist they change their behaviour.
You aren't going to win. How much rent are you paying?
I suggest a very large plastic crate with a lid that snaps shut. Leave toys in it whenever possible. And shut the door between you and the dogs. And go out a lot.
Did they have dogs when you were little?
Yanbu my dp has a dog who although in a whole is lovely does sometimes chew some of dcs things, if his dog does this he replaces it, if he doesn't want to keep spending his money on replacing things then he has to train his dog simple.
They've got a point - it IS the dogs' house too.
I have a toy-stealing dog and also a squeak-exterminator dog... you just learn to manage the situation - at the times the dogs are in the room, I put the toys in a plastic storage crate box, when the dogs aren't in the room - then I have the toys out... and I have a playpen set up where the dogs can't access any toys left there - but if I left something soft, furry and squeaky (the big things my dogs adore) out - I'd expect it to be kidnapped and played with in the way dogs do. You know you're going to get no joy out of your parents on this one - so you either manage it on your end, or you just carry on replacing toys endlessly.
Let's face it - the average dog toy is bright coloured, plastic and if you're lucky makes cool noises... the average child toy is... well you get the idea.
start a routine of packing the toys away when your dad comes home if thats when the problems with the dog start. is it saving money to live at home? if so, its just one of those things. if not, move out
! So dogs get priority over a grandchild? Hmmm.
I had a bit of this at my dp house and tbh I found a sharp smack on the nose of the offending dog put a stop to most of it. Had to catch him in the act tho.
Wouldn't have expected dp to replace the toys but only small ones were affected, nothing v expensive.
Should you be smacking dogs? I thought that was meant to be a bad idea? I have no dogs though, so willing to be educated.
I don't think this is giving the dogs priority over the grandchild, though - it depends whether the grandparents have housed the OP temporarily, or whether she lives with the permanently and they all share costs. It is tough, but if it's not her home it's not fair to expect the grandparents to pay for extra toys on top of subsidizing her living there - they might be coping badly in all sorts of ways but they probably don't have limitless finances.
Dogs don't have houses. They don't tend to pay rent or pull their weight around the place at all. I would put away all the toys in a dog proof box and tell your DF to do one when he unnecessarily tells off your DS. Children should come before dogs and your parents should behave like gracious hosts - it's just courteous, surely. My mother always put her dogs needs ahead of my dts, even when they were babies. Drove a massive wedge between us.
Put a gate on the door to your room so the dogs can't get in. Then, keep all the toys in your room.
put the toys away, and make plans to leave ASAP. And be grateful that you can, unlike your parents' neighbours who cannot escape the endless barking.
I had to move in as I had no other choice and yes I pay for everything for me and DS and give money every month towards general living.
I will run a play pen by DM but she is very picky as to what goes in the rooms as it has to look a certain way.
Thank you for your replies and I will take all advice on board.
The dogs have been here since I was 13, I moved out for 2 years then unfortunately had to move back.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
OP says: ' it is the main TV room so I wouldn't want to go anywhere else '
Can you please explain why not?
And, not that it matters especially, but are you 15 or 16 years old? Your last post made it sound that way....
I don't think yabu, I love dogs, have had dogs all my children's lives, and have never had a dog (dog not puppy) that cannot distinguish between it's own and the kids toys. I would expect them to relplace your ds's toys, maybe the expense will make them consider some training for the dogs.
wiltingfast a 'sharp smack' on the nose of any of my dogs would see you ejected from my house pdq. It is a dreadful thing to do a dog as they are so sensitive there - clearly you have no understanding of this. Violence against animals is never ok.
The dogs are doing what dogs will do - mine eat soft toys and brightly coloured squeaky things too - and if they have done this all of their lives they will not stop now. Consider that you and your DC moving in to the house will have been quite disruptive for the dogs too and this can affect their behaviour. I think that you need to create your own toy space somehow and be vigilant.
It would drive me nuts.why would you not train your dogs?
You have my sympathy op.
Although I think your parents are being unreasonable for not training their dogs to behave themselves a bit better, I'm afraid that it is your parents' home and they are the ones to set the ground rules. I agree with other posters that a plastic box for the toys would be a good option. I'd also avoid the dogs as much as possible. If they are mostly in one room, I'd choose a different room for the child to play in.
I hope you are able to find a better living situation, OP. I don't think I could ever live with my parents as an adult. Of course, I realize that in some situations it is the best option, but if you are unhappy I hope you can move out soon.
I spent a fortune replacing stuff our dog chewed up when he was a puppy.
Wherever he chewed I replaced didn't matter if it was in our house or theirs. So yanbu but you could try to prevent it a bit by tidying away more.
"I had a bit of this at my dp house and tbh I found a sharp smack on the nose of the offending dog put a stop to most of it."
if you did this to my dog you wouldn't set foot in my house again.
op-i hope you can find a compromise with your parents. a playpen sounds a good idea - at least it would keep the toys out of the way of the dogs. is living with your parents likely to be a short or long term thing?
Please do not smack the dog. Terrible advice putting you and your son at risk of being bitten, not to mention abusive to the dog!
I second the idea of a massive box that the dogs can't access and when dogs are being a pest, DS can only have a few toys at a time. He doesn't need all his toys around him anyway.
My point about the rent was that either you are being subsidised, in which case it would be unfair to ask them for money for not making changes to their house; or it is as expensive as living elsewhere, in which case you could look for alternative accommodation where you can watch tv while DS plays.
I haven't noticed how old he is: am I being unobservant or have you not said?
There was a v interesting article in the Sunday paper about lone parents joining forces to take a house together, on the basis that you get more space sharing a 4-bed house (eg bigger garden, bigger kitchen, etc) than having a 2-bed alone, and the rent is less too.
Good luck OP. My sister got the shits with me when I accepted her cash to replace my DDs coat which her dog chewed up. She offered then bitched about it afterwards so I sent it back just to shut her up.
I think horry is right - if you are paying for everything, then you might as well move out. It's obviously not a great environment.
Your parents let the dogs rule the house, your dad tells DS not to touch the dog toys but thinks it's fine for the dogs for ruin his, and your mum doesn't want stuff in the house?
Move out. Seriously. This will only get worse. And I say that as someone that lived with her parents for the first year with DC.
YANBU. Whether you're paying or not there's no reason why you should have to put up with your property being destroyed and your parents making no effort to prevent this. If you were staying with friends who had a destructive toddler they'd usually offer to replace items destroyed + make an effort to train their child not to damage things. So how is it different just because it's your parents + their dogs? I agree that you should get a big dog-proof toybox and definitely look into the playpen idea. Nightmare - sorry you're stuck in this situation.
If the dogs aren't used to it they will expect any toys to be theirs on the floor they won't distinguish between them.
I can see it being very very frustrating.
Get a toy box with a proper lid and count to 10
Obviously it isn't the dogs' fault but frankly I'd be pissed off if my parents weren't bothered about my children having their toys destroyed.
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