To Get The Rage Over Hammered School Shoes/Lost Gym Kit???

(40 Posts)
LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 16:24:43

DD1 is on her second pair of Startrite's since late November. The first pair she killed and scuffed to buggery within 4 weeks, and they finally died just before half term.

Bought her another pair of Startrite's at the weekend - she swore faithfully to be more careful with them...she wore them only for the second time today, she came home, and they're already scuffed and they're thick with mud angry

During the following terse words, I insisted that she will just have to wear her trainers at break times...except, apparently, she has no idea where her trainers are! She hasn't seen them since just before half term...looked for them yesretday and today - but can't find them.

So, the Puma trainers she begged and pleaded for...have disappeared into the ether angry Have checked with school, they have searched, can't see them sad

I am so cross with DD1's lacksidazical attitude towards her belongings. She can't be trusted to take care of anything. She's just turning 10, and yet she constantly forgets, and loses stuff...recently she played at a friend's house, after school, and managed to leave everything behind at her friend's. Coat, shoes, book bag and lunch box.

In 15 months she's going to be at the GS, having to carry everything with her, from classroom to clasroom...and I'm dreading it. The GS uniform is expensive to say the least, and she's just going to constantly lose everything, at this rate.

I've just had a mini rant at her, and she's now upstairs tearful and feeling hugely hard done to.

Am at a loss as to how to get here to be slightly more responsible. Or is it just a lost battle, already sad

NinaHeart Tue 26-Feb-13 16:29:41

I would encourage her to get into the habit of making lists to remember what she needs and where it is.

And only replace what is absolutely vital and with cheap versions, nothing branded until she proves she can be a bit more responsible.

I'd be furious too - and well remember my offspring going through a similar phase, for which you have my sympathy.

Blipbip Tue 26-Feb-13 16:36:20

You have my sympathy DS1 is the same and he is nearly three years older.

I refused to replace his jumpers last year - he had to spend half the year in shirt sleeves - and he hasn't lost his jumper this year grin

I also got his shoes rehealed at the cobbler much to his shame but I was quite proud of my ingenuity grin

I used to drag him into the lost property first thing in the morning and make a big fuss out of serching for all his things, that made him squirm a lot too but the big school isn't quite as easy to manipulate

QuickLookBusy Tue 26-Feb-13 16:45:55

I would be cross about her losing her trainers but I do think some dc just are a bit more forgetful than others. Dd2 is a bit like this. I used to dread her going to secondary school, but after a couple of episodes of her forgetting a book or pencil case, then getting told off by the teacher, she soon developed a much better memory!

As far as her shoes are concerned, I do think you're being unreasonable. School shoes do get scuffed and covered in mud. To me that means she's playing and having a good time running around etc. I'd much rather my dd was doing that than standing still worrying sick about a scratch on her shoes. My 10 yo neice is like this, she stayed last weekend and was really frightened about getting messy when we want for a walk and made a cake. She wouldn't even get some cocoa out as she said she might get it on her clothes(she had an apron on fgs)

TheSeniorWrangler Tue 26-Feb-13 16:50:37

i refuse to spend more than 10-15 quid on my kids school shoes, they invariably never last longer than a term or two, either from being scuffed to death, walked through or grown out of... it doesnt hurt so much when they get damaged or lost then!

School uniform i'm a bit more strict about... cheap stuff i dont mind, their logo'd jumpers and fleeces i get the RAGE over and strangely they turn up pretty sharpish!

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 16:54:23

She's always been like this, last Winter she lost 3 school cardigans, so I refused to buy any for her this Winter. And, I have only ever bought those cheap, washable £10 trainers from M&S - but she has to have quality school shoes, because she has really wide feet and very high in-steps.

But, she begged and pleaded for slightly more grown-up, branded trainers, so I bought her these Puma ones (in the sale, but still £30). She was thrilled with them...but, it's like she has a missing link in her DNA, or something.

I know from MIL that DH was just the same. He once lost 3 grammar school blazers in one year...but, my MIL's solution was to meekly just buy DH another blazer hmm

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 17:02:24

QLB I've explained to her that once she's at GS, the staff won't find it remotely amusing if she doesn't have the appropriate books/kit with her.

I'm like you, in that I'm happy for her to run around at play time, but I thought she was wearing her trainers at break times (as agreed), and she had promised faithfully to at least keep of the grass.

But, then it just all goes completely out of her head sad

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 17:04:13

The unfortunately, I can't get away with really cheap school shoes for her. She has seriously wide feet, and very high in-steps - hence the ridiculously expensive Startrites.

usualsuspect Tue 26-Feb-13 17:09:07

She's a child, children get their school shoes dirty. That's life.

The losing stuff is annoying, but my DS lost most of his school uniform over the years all through his school life. He left his PE kit hanging on the back of his chair over one easter holiday.

I was amazed it was still there when he returned to school.

QuickLookBusy Tue 26-Feb-13 17:16:34

Do her friends change into their trainers at play time? If not then I expect she won't want to appear "different" to them by wearing her trainers.

usualsuspect Tue 26-Feb-13 17:17:55

Bit of a faff to have to change her shoes every playtime.

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 17:25:12

QLB all the children are encouraged to change, especially if the weather has been bad, and the playground is a mess.

But, not all do.

DS1 used to lose things at primary school. When he started secondary school, we gave him a list of how much each item would cost to replace, and told him that he would be contributing to the cost on a sliding scale (35% of the total cost in Y7, 40& in Y8, 45% in Y9 etc).

Since we did this, there has been a dramatic reduction in the amount of stuff that gets lost or damaged. On the rare occasion that he does lose something, he is quite motivated to look in lost property for it until he finds it.

Ds1 at the first year of GS lost 2 coats, an entire PE kit including football boots, a jumper, a blazer, a set of house keys, an Oyster card and a bag.

Now, if he loses anything he has to replace it with his own money.

I have noticed he was very careful and never lost addidas jackets, hollister hoodies or his blackberry.
Since imposing the "pay for it yourself" rule 2 years ago he has pair of PE shorts and a maths kit.
That's all. In 2 years.

Are they really outside in the mud in their school shoes? The school's cleaning bill must be ridiculous with all that mud tracked back into school.

My DC spend break times outside, largely in the mud (in DD's case often, by her own admission, literally rolling in the mud) but they are all wearing wellies, overtrousers and coats, which (except the coats) have to stay at school.

I can't help on losing stuff. DS (10) often comes home without a jumper, but I have an absolute '1 jumper in school at any one time' rule, so he goes in the next day withough a jumper, and it usually turns up pretty quickly as long as it is cold enough. I know some of his peers are still losing pretty much a whole games kit per term, though - and presumably having it replaced hmm. I don't know whether it is just who he is, or his mortal fear of having to tell me that he has lost stuff which is making DS keep better track.

QuickLookBusy Tue 26-Feb-13 17:34:44

I was just going to say similar stealth. The classrooms must be covered in mud if the dc are walking around in mud covered shoes. At DDs school they weren't allowed on wet grass unless they had wellies on.

However, I still wouldn't be cross about her shoes being scuffed or muddy. I think that's what happens to shoes. And some children are just heavier on shoes than others. My DDs always went through 2/3 pairs of shoes per school year. If they got scratched they just got polished a bit more.

Oh, yes, my DC's school shoes are wrecked. Unless they actually have holes in, I periodically paint over the scuffs with shoe polish. They never get new ones unless they have outgrown them or they have holes in the sole (I made a pair with holes in the top hang on for the last few weeks of term once)

MariusEarlobe Tue 26-Feb-13 17:38:08

Laqueen I could have wrote your post, I said to deputy tonight who will be here teacher next year that if the only thing he teaches her next year is to bring her stuff home I will be happy.
I stand NO chance at secondary!
she came home three times after falling in mud with a borrowed or kit because she didnt have hers, she has TWO in school. Three cardigans and many pencil case and contents also missing.

Loving the "one jumper in school at any one time" rule! DS3 (Y4) managed to lose three of his jumpers at school last term. At my request, the teacher told him to spend a morning break looking for them. His best friend kindly stayed in too to help him; no luck.

That evening was parents' evening; I went to his cloakroom and within a couple of minutes I had found all three jumpers within a 2 metre radius of his peg.

sittinginthesun Tue 26-Feb-13 17:41:53

I've got one of these. DS1 (aged 9) loses everything. He's always been the same, despite nagging, shouting, positive incentives etc. His teachers tell me it is just part of his personality, and that he is creative and deep thinking etc. I tell them, they're not constantly searching for stuff.

We're currently only missing a tennis top and a hat, but last year he lost his school shoes twice in a month!!!

DS2 is completely the opposite. Tidy and very very neat.

Wishihadabs Tue 26-Feb-13 17:45:52

I feel your pain. Ds had a new pair of school shoes today. They are covered !!

Badvoc Tue 26-Feb-13 18:00:36

LQ...puma trainers for school!?
I only buy cheaper stuff for school for just this reason...
Clarks is the most I would pay for school shoes and trainers and I have been known to buy supermarket brand trainers.
Ds needs trainers and plimsoles at school and then trainers for home and school shoes.
I could weep at times.
Both of his school sweatshirts with the logo on have black marker pen marks on.
I can't get the marks out.
So he now wears sweatshirts with marks on!l
He is on his 2nd lot of school polo shirt and trousers since sept.
I am wearing 3 year old jeans and 4 year old tops from next!

MerryCouthyMows Tue 26-Feb-13 18:16:54

LaQueen - isn't she just taking after her dad? Didn't he lose an entire car once?!

HoraceTheCheese Tue 26-Feb-13 18:28:24

My DD seems to be getting better at last about losing things (she's 13) - but this thread has just reminded me I need to superglue the back of her school shoes which she's ruined by shoving them on without either undoing the laces or using the shoehorn.

I wouldn't worry about mud or scuffs - mud washes off leather or plastic with the help of an old toothbrush, and a tube of renovating cream lasts ages covering a multitude of sins signs of having an active life. grin

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 19:30:41

"Are they really outside in the mud in their school shoes? The school's cleaning bill must be ridiculous with all that mud tracked back into school."

Stealth I genuinely think it's really only DD1 who endeavours to get mud on her shoes every day...even after relatively dry periods, her shoes always seem dirty? The school's floors always look nice and clean to me - so I think she's just about the only culprit?

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 19:34:15

sitting oh we get that with DD1 - she's very creative, and very imaginative and, that's apparently a wonderful thing...

Well, if her trainers don't show up tomorrow, then she's going to have to use that imagination to pretend that her next cheapy trainers are Pumas... and she's going to be buying them with her own money, too!

FamiliesShareGerms Tue 26-Feb-13 19:39:43

Oh no, I was hoping DS (7) would grown out of his sieve brain which means that he loses or forgets something pretty much every day. Today he forgot to go to after school football, even though he took his permission slip and football kit into school this morning. Last time he forgot one trainer, so did football in one shoe and one trainer - then lost the other shoe...

seeker Tue 26-Feb-13 19:43:55

I would be cross about the lost stuff- but not about the trashed shoes. I would just be grateful to have a year 6 girl who still wanted to charge about and didn't mind getting muddy, to be honest.

greenfolder Tue 26-Feb-13 19:45:01

dd2 is equally impossible. i only buy her one jumper at a time and this has revolutionised jumper retention. we will not mention the trainers she lost, nor my nike trainers that she took to school and lost when she couldnt find hers and so it continues. she is 15, i have given up

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 20:03:00

I think DD1 is just a bit of a lost cause...I don't see how you can make someone more responsible/careful of their belongings.

She was genuinely remorseful earlier...but, by tomorrow she'll have forgotten all about it.

But, lesson's back to the cheap £10 trainers, and she's buying them herself.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen Tue 26-Feb-13 20:04:09

Ds is nearly 10. I am having the rage over his new PE trainers. Of which he lost one immediately - I have waited a whole term and it has not appeared. They have been replaced with cheap is from Sainsburys and a pointed death threat.

DS1 lost one trainer in Y4. I was reluctant to throw the other one away in case the first one turned up again. It never did.

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 20:37:51

If it was a rare occurence, then fair enough, I could let it go...

But, she has a very long history of losing stuff, and forgetting stuff - and, although she says all the right things, and expresses remorse etc, she's just paying lip service, really.

And, she's not bothered that she'll be buying more trainers from her own savings. She's not money-orientated, at all - and is happy to give it away.

littlewhitebag Tue 26-Feb-13 20:38:30

Eh - damp cloth and shoe polish? Cleans shoes a treat. Has done for years. Ditto use of cobbler for heeling and soling of shoes.

LaQueen Tue 26-Feb-13 20:40:04

little yes, I know that. I assiduously clean/polish their school shoes...but, her previous pair she had ripped the toes out of them within 6 weeks.

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac Tue 26-Feb-13 20:48:11

Give her a break Laqueen, you sound like a nag.
The poor child can hardly help the shoes getting scuffed. My mum used to tell me to"walk easy" in my new shoes confused, and God help me if a light bulb ever went as I flicked the switch! "Heavy handed".grin
And as pointed out, Mr Laqueen has previous, if littleLaqueen has inherited Mr's misplacing dna, it,s really all his fault.
And making her pay for her trainers is harsh.

SpeckleDust Tue 26-Feb-13 20:52:59

I bought these Asda school shoes for DD1 after she wore a hole through the soles of her Startrite ones within 8 weeks wear,default,pd.html

She also has very wide feet (G/H) and a high instep. They might not be to her taste, but just wanted to highlight that cheaper supermarket shoes might be ok. They didn't last any longer than the Startrite ones but I can live with replacing them fairly often when they are only a tenner.

comingintomyown Tue 26-Feb-13 21:01:43

My almost 14 year old is like this and has been these 4 years past

After lots of rows I am quite zen like now , just cba to get into it with her anymore, I remember your pain

givemeaboost Tue 26-Feb-13 21:27:33

I second goin the supermarket way. ive got 2 ds, one that never loses stuff and never breaks stuff, the other who goes through shoes at a rate of a pair a month, trousers frequently ripped, loses stuff at school all the time etc etc. after using clarkes for school shoes i can confirm they do not last any longer than cheaper brands. I buy tesco wide fit school shoes now as he has a H+ width fitting and a high instep, they cost about £12-15 and get trashed in the same amount of time as clarkes, so although theyre no better as such, youre saving £15-20 per pair than if you were buying startrite/clarkes.

ArtexMonkey Tue 26-Feb-13 23:16:20

1) get some scuffkote
2) buy her some more trainers, if you buy them spendy stuff then let them take it to school and it goes walkabout, it's your fault.
3) let her play on the bloody grass, she's 9 years old ffs
4) boys' school shoes seem wider and more supportive, they also tend to be harder to scuff hmm
5) she's not being bullied is she?
6) unclench

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