Singing teachers child

(57 Posts)
Cazzymaddy Tue 26-Feb-13 14:09:14

AIBU with this? DD1 (15) started singing lessons in mid January- we found someone that was recommended to us and she does them in the back room of her house- 30 minutes session. On the first session, the teachers young child was left with me alone in the front room- she had toys to play with- I guess she was about 6years old but she wanted me to play with her- the excuse given was that she had not wanted to go to Grandmas that evening. On the second session, we changed our day so she was there again and I was alone with her. Last week, back to our normal day and she wasn't there as the teacher said her exH was messing her about with contact days, but she said she would be there next week. AIBU to think I am leaving myself wide open to be with her alone as I am essentially a stranger? I am thinking of sitting in the car outside tonight as I can't think of a way to phrase it to the teacher.

kalidanger Tue 26-Feb-13 14:11:52

Sit in the car around the corner. you're very busy and can't babysit a strangers kid. How odd.

fluffyraggies Tue 26-Feb-13 14:17:54

Very odd. I would say i had to 'pop' somewhere at the start of the lesson and and just re-appear outside in the car sometime before the end of the lesson. ie: you cant be relied upon to 'babysit'.

DD3 had maths tutoring all last summer and i hated milling around for an hour while it went on. Too long to sit outside in the car but not quite long enough to do something like the weekly shop.

Spent a fortune in Costas by the end hmm but i'd still rather that than babysit the tutors kids!

MrsMushroom Tue 26-Feb-13 14:20:23

Justg say "Must dash....see you in half an hour" don't need to tell her where you're going for goodness sake! She's the singing teacher...not your Mum!

Goldmandra Tue 26-Feb-13 14:27:05

I don't think you are taking any risks by being alone with her. Lots of people do that all the time.

I wouldn't mind it a bit if she was well behaved so wouldn't see it as a problem. However it's probably not very professional of the teacher to have her own child in her care while teaching and I can see that people who don't much like the company of children might not be too pleased.

You could take some 'work' in with you as an excuse not to interact with her, be on the phone a lot or just go for a walk. I'm sure the little girl will find a way to entertain herself.

faulkernegger Tue 26-Feb-13 14:27:44

I am a singing teacher, and sometimes my DCs are left on their own while I am teaching (depending on their father's work commitments). I would never dream of asking my pupil's parent to 'babysit'. Stay in the car, or make the most of your 30 mins!

Just drop your DD at the front gate and leave. No interaction required.

NaturalBaby Tue 26-Feb-13 14:29:09

It's not very professional of her. She needs to find some reliable childcare and not rely on the kindness of strangers.

Cazzymaddy Tue 26-Feb-13 14:29:19

Yes, I know what to say but don't really see why I should have to sit in the car when in effect I am paying her to teach my child and I could be sitting in her front room with a good book- after all she is essentially at work and I wouldn't expect to take my children to my main job and for other people to look after them. I don't think it's odd to consider child protection either.

Well, in reality, you're paying her to teach your child to sing, not provide you with somewhere quiet to read

kalidanger Tue 26-Feb-13 14:33:04

She's (the tutor) blithely trusting a stranger with her kid. Relying on TNE kindness of others. If it was a studio with a waiting room I doubt she'd leave the DC in the middle of the floor hmm

Trouble is; perhaps if she's being let down a lot she might have to start cancelling lessons at the last minute. Not your problem of course.

What a cheek., the woman's child being in her own house!!

Just stay in the car then, it's no biggie is it!

Patchouli Tue 26-Feb-13 14:35:08

I don't see why you have to sit in her front room just because you're paying for your DD's singing lesson. - It's kind of her to let you.
The little girl will be fine without you, you're not obliged to stay. Wait somewhere else, or your DD make her own way.

Cazzymaddy Tue 26-Feb-13 14:36:09

Ok I accept that but on the first session, I had expected to leave her but she offered for me to sit in the front room- and interaction is needed at some point as I have to arrange the next lesson. On a separate note, I plainly know nothing about singing lessons but is it normal to be taught using karoake on YouTube as her choirs at school use piano and sheet music, or doesn't it really matter how you get taught?

DeWe Tue 26-Feb-13 14:38:03

My dc do various music lessons, and it wouldn't occur to me to ask to stay in the front room during the lesson. I stay in the car, or wander round the neighbourhood depending on temperature/how I feel/other dc.

I doubt she's relying on you to babysit. More you're in the room her dc is playing in. When I was little dm used to tutor with us in the house (age from 3, 6 and 9) and she used the back room deliberately to leave us the living room to play in. If someone had wanted to wait in there they would have had to share it with us and what we'd wanted to do. That's the advantage of tutoring from your house, you can do that.

Think about it, if you had a plumber in you'd think it was a bit cheeky for him to ask if his wife could come and read in your front room while he worked.

BarbarianMum Tue 26-Feb-13 14:38:05

It is quite common for music teachers children to be in their own homes whilst lessons are going on. Of course you shouldn't be expected to babysit, but as long as the child isn't interfering with the lesson YABU to expect her not to be there.

You can just say you are going to read your book and not engage with her, or not stay in the house. Or find a new teacher.

The being worried about allegations being made against you is really sad a bit odd. Presumably the teacher is not worried about it or she wouldn't leave you alone with the child. Again, if it makes you uncomfortable, don't be there.

Bejeena Tue 26-Feb-13 14:38:20

Can't your DD just make her own way there or you just drop her off?

At 15 your DD should be more than capable of arranging the next lesson. Or you can arrange it when you pick her up.

BarbarianMum Tue 26-Feb-13 14:39:52

<pedant alert>

music teachers' children

<now I feel better>

Cazzymaddy Tue 26-Feb-13 14:41:34

No its too far to walk but I will drop her off in future. I don't think it's sad or odd as I can't even work where I work without an enhanced CRB (And yes i know it's only a piece of paper) which is with strangers children.

TheChimpParadox Tue 26-Feb-13 14:42:59

Wait in the car . That what I do when DS is having his music lesson. Your DD is old enough to be dropped off and ot escorted to the door- make sure she goes in and wait in car or park round corner .

DystopianReality Tue 26-Feb-13 14:44:10

Obviously you have more than one 'beef' about this teacher.

I would change the teacher then you will be spared the atrocious trangression of this teacher where you have to interact with her child and you also might find a nice wholesome harpsichord teacher.
FGS, you do not have an entitlement to sit in this teacher's front room and if you made a tiny effort, you might even find you like her child.

Goldmandra Tue 26-Feb-13 15:05:54

How does having an enhanced CRB protect you while you are with strangers' children?

You are at no more risk with this child than with your own, your friends' children or those you come into contact with at work.

The music teacher is on her own in a room with your child. Is she also taking an unacceptable risk?

holidaysarenice Tue 26-Feb-13 15:17:24

Why are you even in the house?? Your dd is 15, she does not need her hand held! Go and do something else, or do you like helicoptering?

holidaysarenice Tue 26-Feb-13 15:26:01

Why are you even in the house?? Your dd is 15, she does not need her hand held! Go and do something else, or do you like helicoptering?

Phineyj Tue 26-Feb-13 15:30:37

I don't see why the 15 year old can't make her own way to the lessons (bus?) and why the lesson isn't at the same time every week, avoiding the whole issue, but hey.

MajaBiene Tue 26-Feb-13 15:31:09

If you want to stay in the house while your DD has her lesson then it's not weird that the teachers child is there.

If you don't want to interact with the child though, you can go off for a coffee or sit in your car.

BuiltForComfort Tue 26-Feb-13 15:41:02

I would be more concerned about whether your DD will have an uninterrupted lesson if the teacher has her DD in the house whilst she tries to give lessons. some 6yr olds are fine at amusing themselves quietly but others wouldn't manage more than 5 mins without pestering their mum for something!

the Karaoke thing sounds a bit odd .. depends on what sort of singing and if she's training for exams I think.

DystopianReality Tue 26-Feb-13 15:42:15

This is the music teacher child's house; it's her front room. It is truly beyond me to understand why the OP is objecting to this child being in her own house! You are the guest OP.

MrsMushroom Tue 26-Feb-13 19:28:04

Other people are right about you not having to escort DD anymore...unless it's 20 miles or something she could get a bus. By 14 I was taking myself off to drama class on a weekend on two buses....around 8 miles from home...never had any bother.

Floggingmolly Tue 26-Feb-13 20:51:23

Your dd is 15, not 5. Why do all the arrangements need to be made through you?

Dominodonkey Tue 26-Feb-13 20:58:01

<pedant alert>

music teachers' children

<now I feel better>

How can you feel better? Unless there are multiple teachers it is still incorrect...

GrumpyKat Tue 26-Feb-13 21:04:40

I think she's being rather nice opening her home to you actually. I'm a music teacher and I don't have the parents of my pupils sitting in my house- it's my house (unless I've known them and taught their children for years, that's different). And my dd is often at large in her own home whilst I am working, seeing as she lives there and everything. Sometimes, my husband is there too!

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 26-Feb-13 21:13:38

Dh is a singing teacher who mostly teaches Musicsl theatre. Only in an emergency have our children been in the house without me there (once when I got held up and once in hdlf term when he had agreed to squeeze someone in who had an audition.

Despite being an excellent pianist he does often use backing tracks do that he can fully concentrate on the pupils singing rather than doing two jobs at once (playing and listening).

Picturesinthefirelight Tue 26-Feb-13 21:15:51

It's not about the child being in her own house - it's about who has responsibility for her. The OP is paying for the undivided attention of the tutor.

My dd is 11 now so able to look after herself if need be.

toomuchicecream Tue 26-Feb-13 22:14:50

I have looked after my DS's music teacher's toddler daughter two or three times. Every time I was texted in advance to ask if I would mind, and it was because the usual childcare had fallen through. The alternative would have been no lesson. Watching a DVD was fine. Putting her tea in the microwave and "encouraging" her to eat it was fine. It was when I suddenly recognised the way she was wriggling in her chair and matched it up with the number of pairs of small pants on the radiator....

tropicalfish Tue 26-Feb-13 22:57:53

how good a singing teacher is she ? How well does your dd get on with her? How much does your dd enjoy and make the most of her singing lessons? How good are her qualifications? How much are you paying?
My dd has singing lessons with a teacher that comes to our house and I pay £30 for 45 mins. This is through an agency which takes a £5 cut.
Personally, I would be glad to be helpful to someone who was an excellent teacher who might otherwise be unable to teach. You have to be there anyway.

TheOriginalSteamingNit Tue 26-Feb-13 23:02:07

dominos if the statement refers to the notion of the children of music teachers in the abstract, then it is correct.

OP I have no idea why you are staying while the lesson happens? I would consider that quite strange.

Goldmandra Tue 26-Feb-13 23:14:13

Why do so many people have a problem with the OP staying?

If I drive my DH to a GP appointment I would expect to sit in the waiting room while he sees the GP. Does that mean I am overprotective of my DH?

If it is too far to reasonably go home why wouldn't she wait?

LeeCoakley Tue 26-Feb-13 23:30:09

I'd always wait in the car. A good book, the radio on and a bar of chocolate. Even a mug of tea if I'm really organised. Drop them off outside and then go in at the end to pick them up if a chat is necessary.

Goldmandra I think most of the problem people have is that the OP has a problem with the child being in the living room of her own home. It's hardly the same as a doctor's waiting room.

youfhearted Wed 27-Feb-13 08:11:59

i dont know why you are making a fuss. the 6 yearold girl is in her own home. you are in her home.
if you want to sit in her home be prepared to interact ornot. perhaps the music teacher does not want you there and this is her way of telling you, if you must come in, my dd is here.

youfhearted Wed 27-Feb-13 08:12:52

<<the child of the music teacher>>

FranKatzenjammer Wed 27-Feb-13 08:26:19

Tropicalfish, I am also a singing teacher, and I'm afraid you are being ripped off.

teaforthree Wed 27-Feb-13 09:12:33

Well now she knows where the teacher lives she can get herself there and back and you'll have a free half hour on mums net doing housework smile

mamalovesmojitos Wed 27-Feb-13 09:26:10

Agree with general consesus. Of course the child is in her own house! You can wait in the car. Sounds like you just don't like the teacher though (drip feed about YouTube) so maybe you should just find a new one. It is ok to use karaoke backing tracks for singing lessons, of course it is.

Cazzymaddy Wed 27-Feb-13 09:26:22

I don't have a problem with her being in her own home- I have a problem with playing with her, as happened the first week when she was flinging herself off the side of the chair and asking me to pull her back by her legs. Anyway, waited in the car last night - there is not even a bus that goes from our house to hers- so no, this is not about helicopter parenting. And before anyone says, can she not walk, no it is too far- and yes, if there was a bus she could get it as she gets a bus every day to school, she does know how to use a bus. We cannot go the same day every week as I work shifts. We pay £12 for 30 minutes. It was not unusual to wait, as all other parents and grandmas etc seem to wait, as we have seen the people before and after us on 2 separate evenings. Anyway, thanks for all the advice and opinions.

12ylnon Wed 27-Feb-13 10:13:30

TBH i think you're pretty odd for staying in the teacher's house while your DD is having a lesson.
I did singing and piano for 10 years when i was young, it wouldn't have occurred to my parents to come in. They used to go home if i was having an hour, or sit in the car and read. I don't recall any other parents staying either (my teacher's daughter taught too, so there were always lots of children coming in and out).
Can't you go for a coffee at a friend's every now and again?

Picturesinthefirelight Wed 27-Feb-13 11:28:18

Dh teaches a lot if adults and often they have a friend/parent who has driven with them stay. It's not unusual especially ifcthecteacher does not live anywhere with public amenities as we do

Providing a waiting area be it a living room or kitchen or whatever is seen as part of the service.

Goldmandra Wed 27-Feb-13 11:55:31

I think most of the problem people have is that the OP has a problem with the child being in the living room of her own home. It's hardly the same as a doctor's waiting room.

I'm not talking about her concerns about the child being present. I am talking about the bizarre idea that being in the house while the lesson is happening is helicopter parenting.

Parents don't wait in the living room during music lessons because they want to check up on the child/teacher. IME they generally sit in the living room (if it is offered) because it is warmer and more comfortable than sitting in a car.

It is the same as sitting in any building waiting for someone you have driven to an appointment. You find somewhere comfortable to wait for them whether they are a child or an adult.

Why is sitting in the car outside the house seen as more desirable or less helicopterish than sitting in the living room?

Sitting in the room where the lesson was taking place would be helicopter parenting.

Yab totally U
What on earth made you think that you could help yourself to sit and read in the tutors front room!? Did she tell you this was ok? If I was the tutor I would find this extremely rude! shock

Your dd is 15, can she not make her own way there and home?

To be honest, if you are making yourself comfortable in somebody elses house (do you ask for tea and biscuits? wink ) you can hardly complain that you share the space with a child who lives there. hmm

Can she cycle?
If she wants singing lessons, you should have thought about the convenience and location before starting tutoring. £12 is dead cheap for singing lessons, you should quite happily accept you need to "babysit" as part of the cost.

VinegarDrinker Wed 27-Feb-13 12:12:36

My DH is a music teacher. My toddler son is at home, often, when he is teaching. Obviously at just 2 there will be someone looking after him but he is hardly inconspicuous! He even - shock horror - has his bath with the door open while pupils and their parents come and go and stop to chat to him.

If we were millionaires we would have a house big enough to have a "waiting room" but we don't. I certainly can't guarantee peace and quiet, if you are there a child will likely want to play with you. If you weren't there she would presumably just play/watch TV and only ask help from her Mum in an emergency (which could happen with any working parent).

Luckily many of the parents who sit in our front room have actually become family friends, they bring DS presents and all sorts!

Pickles101 Wed 27-Feb-13 16:37:44

So essentially, you are pissed off at a friendly 6 year old trying to include you in her play, in her own home?

YABU. Why are you sat in the tutor's house for the lesson? It's none of your business what her childcare arrangements are, in the future either be grateful for the offer to stay & try being nice to the kid, or bugger off for half an hour.

But I don't get why you would want to be sat there anyway.

pinkyredrose Wed 27-Feb-13 16:59:23

Pure maybe you should read the thread before posting.

Sarina24 Thu 30-May-13 18:30:36

You shouldnt be babysitting and the tutor should definitely NOT be leaving her child with you?!? Essentially you are a stranger. Thats very trusting of her! If you are looking for a singing teacher try this lady. She's great...but I think her fee is higher than £12 an hour. Her email is

whois Thu 30-May-13 18:53:03

FFS the music teacher didn't leave her child with the OP. child was playing on her own in her own sitting room. OP sits in same room and it shocked child tried to interact with her.

OP just go sit in the car with book and/ or radio, problem solved.

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