To say "no-one I don't know" at my wedding?

(62 Posts)
Dannilion Mon 25-Feb-13 14:07:35

Just hoping for a bit of perspective here as I kind of feel like I am, but don't want to be!

Bit of background..

DP and I are getting married next summer. It's going to be a very cheap wedding as PFB is due next month and well, spending an extortionate amount of money on a glorified party isn't something I want to be doing. Getting into debt isn't an option either of us will consider for it, so it will all be out of our savings.

My dress will be second hand, the rings are from my mums first marriage and therefore free, I'm making my own cake, the evening venue is a marquee in my parents field, my friends band are the entertainment etc so when I say budget I really do mean it!

Anyways, I've digressed. In order to keep the prices down I don't want to pay for people I don't know to be there. For example, friends of DP's he hasn't seen for a decade, and their partners whom he has never met. Family he only saw once in 15 years at a funeral in 2007 etc. Basically my viewpoint is if I haven't met them, they have no significance to us as a couple so why should I pay for them to come to my wedding? We're not asking for gifts or anything as I really just want it to be a time to celebrate with our nearest and dearest. DP isn't happy with this.

Obviously it would be the same for my guests as well. Its his wedding too and I'm wondering if I'm already turning into a bride-zilla?

expatinscotland Mon 25-Feb-13 14:09:45

Sounds reasonable to me as it's applied to both of you.

squeakytoy Mon 25-Feb-13 14:10:54

Not surprised he isnt happy with it. It isnt just your wedding, he plays an equal part in it.

Why be so controlling?

Sounds fair enough to me, but I'd take into account how many people you're each inviting. Obviously if one of you has a bigger family there will probably be an imbalance, but if you're inviting 20 good mates and he's inviting five plus people he's not seen in years, I think it would be fair for him to keep at least some of those he's not seen. To me, it'd suggest he just has a slightly different attitude to friendship.

NewYearNewBoo Mon 25-Feb-13 14:12:40

I did exactly this at my ceremony but let 'others' come to the night. Nothing to do with budget, but I thought the ceremony was too personal to let strangers witness. This did make mil a bit lot annoyed as she had a cousin visiting from new Zealand that week but I stuck to my guns, cousin came after the meal for the afternoon drinks and night time party and my wedding pictures don't have me scratching my head trying to work out who is who. I think you are right to do it this way!

neolara Mon 25-Feb-13 14:13:25

To be honest, I think it's completely irrelevant what a bunch of women you don't know think. The issue is that your dp isn't happy with the situation. And as you are going to be marrying him and hopefully spending the rest of your life with him, ignoring his wishes seems not a great pattern to establish as you set off on your married life together. A compromise would seem the most sensible solution.

MerryMingeWhingesAgain Mon 25-Feb-13 14:13:26

It's your wedding. I had a very modest wedding too - I only invited (from my side) people that I actually know at least a bit, and like. DH however was free to invite anyone he wanted whether I knew them or not. I didn't want either of us inviting people out of duty only.

But what you're suggesting sounds like you want to veto anyone you haven't met, which is bonkers IMHO. DH has lots of relatives, he's from a big close family, and old friends who now live away. Many of whom I met for the first time when we got married smile My family is massively dysfunctional and I purposely left quite a few off some of who still came anyway . As long as you and DH-to-be agree, that's all that matters.

AntsMarching Mon 25-Feb-13 14:13:46

I'd say decide how many you can afford and then decide how many mutual friends you want to attend. Subtract mutual friends from the total and the leftover amount is divided in half. Each of you get to decide who comes from your half.

E.g. You can afford 100 guests
You have 20 mutual friends so...

100-20=80 places remaining

80/2 = 40 places. You decide who your 40 are (to include parents/siblings) and he decides who his 40 are.

Geekster Mon 25-Feb-13 14:15:16

You do sound a bit unreasonable, though I can see were you are coming from. In your post you say my wedding, rather than our wedding. That sounds a bit bridezilla like smile

pepperrabbit Mon 25-Feb-13 14:15:55

There were some people we each wanted to attend our wedding that the other one hadn't met for whatever reason. We were only engaged for a few months or so, but we made sure we met everyone before the wedding day.
So we went out for pizza with a few of my friends and something similar with his.
That way no one was a stranger on the day.

lynniep Mon 25-Feb-13 14:16:08

what ants said. I think its completely unreasonable to dictate who your dp invites (within reason of course) but completely understandable to limit numbers for both of you.

alarkaspree Mon 25-Feb-13 14:16:10

It sounds perfectly sensible to me, but as you say it is his wedding too. And it sounds as if his vision for his wedding involves a chance for him to get together with a lot of people he feels a connection with but hasn't seen for a long time, which is not unreasonable.

So you might need to compromise. Can't you work out your budget and see how many people you can afford to invite, then choose half each or something? I think you probably are overestimating how important it is for you to 'know' everybody at your wedding. You will find it hard to find time to talk to everyone you want to anyway, you won't even notice the people who you don't know.

Patchouli Mon 25-Feb-13 14:17:19

It sounds like your DP's friends and family are to be missed off - not yours?
Do the same rules apply to friends/family of yours that he hasn't met?

Dannilion Mon 25-Feb-13 14:17:58

Don't mean to drip feed but obviously everyone he would like to invite would be welcome to the evening part as I don't have to pay for their drinks

There will be a lot more people on his side anyways as his family is a lot bigger, which is obviously fine when they're family he actually sees. I just worry I'm being too bossy because on one hand he wants a cheap, low key wedding and on the other hand seems to want to invite the whole world and his dog.

BonaDea Mon 25-Feb-13 14:18:07

It depends. There are obviously limits on who you should invite and you need to set limits on who those people are in agreement with your fiance.

However, I don't think it is always as simple as saying "only people I've met". For example, through circumstances and geography, I had never met my husband's brother before he came to our wedding. However, to have said he shouldn't come only because I had never met him before would have been completely unreasonable of me. I also think that stopping people from bringing a partner just because you've never met them. can be unreasonable I have some very close friends who happen not to live anywhere near me. This might mean that although I still love them dearly and am in regular contact I might not have met their significant other before our wedding day. This doesn't mean they shouldn't be invited. On the other hand, obviously a very new boyfriend or girlfriend might reasonably be left off the list because of that reason.

I don't think setting hard and fast rules like this works. You each need to write a list of who you each want to invite in an ideal world, see what the numbers look like, then cut down from there if need be.

Good luck!

BackforGood Mon 25-Feb-13 14:21:18

Same as what almost everyone else has said.
It is your dp's wedding as much as yours. He has as much right to invite people as you.
Just because he doesn't 'do' friendships in the same way you do, doesn't make them any less valid.
So, yes YABU to try to dictate 'your' rules onto your DP

FascinatingNewThing Mon 25-Feb-13 14:23:35

I had the same issue. In the end we decided anyone who hadn't bothered getting in touch/coming to see us after or DC was born would be struck off the list. Slimmed it right down i can tell you! We are getting married in a few months and there will not be one person I don't know there. Of course this will cause a huge amount of drama when the invites go out but i really don't care.

TheFallenNinja Mon 25-Feb-13 14:27:24

The more you tell him his friends and acquaintances are irrelevant, the more irrelevant he will feel. Push too hard and he might not feel relevant and not bother turning up himself

Dannilion Mon 25-Feb-13 14:27:47

And yes the rules would apply to me too! Unsure if I mentioned it but DP and I are in our mid-twenties so IMO, if you haven't seen or really spoken to someone (aside from the occasional FB comment) since you were a teenager..You're probably not really friends anymore.

However I do have a habit of being very black & white about things and terribly stubborn..So I'm prepared to be wrong on this.

Goldenhedgehog Mon 25-Feb-13 14:30:09

YABU to try to impose a blanket rule.

However surely it depends on budget. You and your DP agree what your budget is and how many guests you can afford, and there you have it, surely? No need for rules. Either you can afford/have space to invite them or you don't.

Zaphiro Mon 25-Feb-13 14:33:34

Funnily enough Dannilion my DP and I discussed this yesterday. We both want a small wedding, yet he plans to invite friends from college he hasn't seen for five years and their girlfriends that he hasn't even met. I made a little list privately though and there are people I want there that he doesn't know.

Have you agreed a number to invite each? I think that makes it fair. If it's unbalanced due to his large family, you could count family separately and then invite the same number of non-related friends? I like pepperrabbit's idea of meeting people beforehand too.

ThePavlovianCat Mon 25-Feb-13 14:34:11

I can see your point but weddings are a great opportunity to reconnect with people (I am thinking particularly family) that you may have drifted apart from. See it as an opportunity to build bridges.

WilsonFrickett Mon 25-Feb-13 14:34:34

We didn't have partners we didn't know at ours and I really, really regret it now. It was meant to keep the costs down but actually, having now been to hundreds of weddings myself, what it actually meant was a few of my friends wandering around on their own and feeling a bit miserable.

I think if he has a big family, the family 'norm' is probably to invite loads of distant rellies (I was also reacting against that at mine). But I do think you need to compromise - the formula suggested above would be a good place to start.

austenozzy Mon 25-Feb-13 14:38:38

Not U at all. Ours was a small ceremony and only close family and close friends were invited to that bit, the meal and speeches.

The bash in the evening was open to all, with a limited amount of free bar paid for by my dad that ran out when it ran out, and was then a pay bar (venue was a big private room in a lovely riverside pub).

The various family I hadn't seen in a decade or more could come to that if they wanted, and only some did. No hard feelings were expressed, and I still haven't seen the ones that didn't show up seven years later, so nothing lost!

PaellaUmbrella Mon 25-Feb-13 14:38:56

I would say YANBU but only if your DP was in agreement.

In order to keep cost down at our wedding, we actually decided on close family only - 20 guests total and obviously nobody I didn't know! But DH was happy with that too. If he had wanted old friends there, we would have had a different kind of wedding and would have had to have cut costs elsewhere.

Just because your DP hasn't seen a friend in a decade doesn't mean that they're not important to him either.

Floggingmolly Mon 25-Feb-13 14:45:26

How would you feel if he was the one imposing those restrictions on you?
I wouldn't be one bit happy if it were me.

hermioneweasley Mon 25-Feb-13 14:55:47

OP, The bit in your post about your future DH wanting a cheap wedding but then inviting so many people is the worry for me. If he's not willing to take responsibility for financial decisions at this point, then it would be a massive red flag for me. Is he normally sensible with his spending and understand that budgets mean choices?

Bue Mon 25-Feb-13 14:59:31

You're being irrational AND unreasonable, I'm afraid. DH and I are from different countries and we got married in my hometown. If we couldn't have had anyone there he had never met then we would have been missing tons of people who have been important in my life. A wedding is a coming together of two families and communities - why not look on this as the perfect opportunity to meet some new people who have been important in your DP's life?

livinginwonderland Mon 25-Feb-13 15:02:08

agree on x number of guests per person, and leave it at that. if he wants to use up twenty of his invites on people he rarely sees, that's his choice, not yours. i can understand limiting numbers, that's fine, but he's allowed to pick which friends of his he wants there!

PurpleBlossom Mon 25-Feb-13 15:03:40

I think YABU.

I thought this thread would be about parents wanting to invite people you and DP don't know to the wedding. I am shock that you are trying to dictate which family members your partner invites to his own wedding.

Chandon Mon 25-Feb-13 15:04:41

I tyink it is not unfait that you veto guests on both sides.

Imo, weddings can be great for bringing together friends an family you might not often see.

Why can t he decide who he invites, and you decide who you invite, and keep the number more or less even? I would have been annoyed if my DH had vetooed, say, my Greek godmother whom I had not seen for 10 years.

AmandaPayne Mon 25-Feb-13 15:06:43

I think if your DH has a much larger family than you, so there are going to be more people on his side, it is reasonable to expect some trimming on his numbers. I'd agree on numbers and let him do the ditching though. Aside from anything else, why set up the expectation that it is your job to navigate these tricky areas?

YANBU, DP and I are going to have this rule in place too. No appeasing family who we rarely see, no random aunts and uncles who usually don't give a toss about us, no friends from school days who we haven't spoken to in years or who we've grown out of touch with, etc. Let somebody elses wedding be the reminiscent get together!

Dannilion Mon 25-Feb-13 15:15:28

Bue. Whilst that makes sense in your situation, DP and I grew up in the same hometown (well, my village was about 2 miles from his hometown) and have been together since I was a teenager so our lives are and always have been ( even before we were together) pretty entwined.

Flogging - since I am imposing these rules upon myself also, I'd obviously be fine with it.

Hermione - DP does have his head in the clouds a bit when it comes to the price of weddings. And other things actually. It's not a red flag as I have always had control over the finances, very 1950's I know but we play to our strengths and I happen to be good at bookkeeping. He actually thought we could do the whole thing for £2k...with his endless guest list!

I've taken every constructive bit of advice of board though so thanks everyone, I now realise its not as black and white as I'd like it to be and just because my family do things a certain way doesn't mean I can expect his to. Will definitely sort out a maximum amount with him so he can decide himself with the remaining amount who he wants to invite. Like the idea of seeing who bothers with DC too, one of his 'best friends' (who we saw every week) stopped all contact when he found out I was PG, not even so much as a congratulations as 'I've lost you to fatherhood now', so it does seem like a good way of deciphering who your real friends are!

Thanks again for your advice everyone. And to the woman who said I was 'controlling'...You're mean.

snuffaluffagus Mon 25-Feb-13 15:18:54

We had this rule (informally) at our wedding. All of our immediate family and aunts/uncles were there but the only cousins that got invited were ones we saw regularly and got on with. There's no point in inviting people you don't really know. It worked for us and nobody was offended (that we know of!).

nooka Mon 25-Feb-13 15:19:36

When you say anyone is welcome to the 'evening part' does that mean you are planning a several part wedding? i.e. ceremony, evening party in the marquee and something else as well? If you are wanting to keep costs low I'd just go for ceremony plus party, not sure why you'd need anything else, and then maybe you'd have less of a cost issue (although I assume you will be providing some food for the evening do?)

Dannilion Mon 25-Feb-13 15:24:47

Nooka, no food for the evening do.

Actual wedding in the afternoon, transport to the farm where we're having a little fete/ hog roast reception sort of thing. Hard to explain without going into loads of detail detail. Then the 'evening' part with the band playing and everyone getting extremely merry and wishing they'd taken my advice of wearing wellies.

The simple answer, as another poster has said, is to have a maximum number of guests, some of whom will obviously be mutual friends, and then divide the remaining number of guests between the two of you, and you can each invite who you want.

We did something similar for our wedding. Both my parents and dh's parents had friends whose children's weddings they had been invited to attend, and my parents and dh's parents wanted to reciprocate - so we decided on the number of guests, and gave each set of parents a set number of invitations that they could give to their friends. It made them happy, and to be perfectly honest, it made absolutely no difference to me whatsoever.

My wedding day was a happy blur, and I had a lovely time with the people I did know, sharing and celebrating dh's and my wedding, and the fact that there were some people there who I didn't really know, didn't affect me at all - on the contrary, it meant that I knew that my parents and dh's parents were having a good day too, because they had friends there to talk to.

This is something on which you can easily give in to your dh-to-be, and I honestly thing that not letting him invite the people he wants to have at his wedding, runs the risk of causing unhappiness and resentment in the long term - and whilst the wedding is only for one day (during which you will be having such a good time with your nearest and dearest that the presence of some people you don't know will barely impinge), a marriage is supposed to be for life, and is it really a good idea to start off that life by doing something that will cause unhappiness and resentment in your other half?

MajaBiene Mon 25-Feb-13 15:31:29

Definitely decide on a maximum number and then split it between you.

If he already has loads more family coming than you, it isn't fair for him to then invite loads of old friends you don't know.

bugsyburge Mon 25-Feb-13 15:59:31

I don't think you're being totally unreasonable... sometimes I don't think DP's fully appreciate the costs of weddings.....

My DH wanted to invite every person he had ever met in his entire life (similar to if you were having a casual birthday party), I wanted to keep the wedding number down so that it would be a more intimate affair& we would be able to spend money on other things(--like food & clothing--).....

We resolved it by setting our absolute max budget for the whole wedding whilst simultaneously writing out our wish list of guests( I wanted about 40, he wanted about 150!!!)..... this made it pretty clear to DH that we physically couldn't afford to invite all these people ( or that if we did it would be at the expense of other things)

He managed to prioritise his list pretty quickly after that!!!

Good luck

DH and I had this rule, however we were both in agreement. I didn't invite any of my cousins, he has never met them and we had been together 6 years when we married. Last time I saw my cousins was 10 years earlier at a wedding.
He however had his cousin, his wife and children as they see each other all the time and we know them quite well.

JandT Mon 25-Feb-13 16:15:11

DH and I had a related disagreement about our wedding resulting in me pointing out that he hadn't met 5 of my list (geographical reasons) and I had met 7 of his including his direct family (more than that lived within 10 minutes drive).... However, that was due to his mother realising my list was longer than his (bigger family plus he'd moved about a bit and lost friends on the way). Took a while but the end result was, we didn't invite cousins or anyone we didn't know intimately to the evening meal (managed to work out that if we had them plus their children we wouldn't fit in evening venue) but we invited them to the church and for the cake and wine bit after (couldn't see the point in people coming to party but not witness marriage).

Plus side; lovely fun church/cake bit, wonderfully 'intimate' evening meal where everyone knew everyone else and there was lots of laughter and catching up.

Negative side; I didn't bother inviting my cousins (only see them at funerals so couldn't see the point), he did and they came from literally hundreds of miles away. Feel guilty they came all that way plus having seen them since, they feel very 'family' about him.

So, just try to think about 1) his feelings (men do friendship in a different way to us girls) and 2) the next 70 years of marriage where those people may become regular features and you will have that guilt.

CloudsAndTrees Mon 25-Feb-13 16:20:25

It's fine not to invite people that mean nothing to you. It's not fine to invite people that mean a lot to you but to then say they can't bring a guest if they want to because you don't know them.

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops Mon 25-Feb-13 22:02:38

We invited all of those who we'd sent and received Christmas cards to and from...it gave us a good check on those we were or were not in touch with.

DH did this - has a massive close family who go to all each other's parties, but then also invited a load of people I hadn't met and have scarcely seen since.

Which would have been fine if I'd realised and done the same, but in the end it meant I couldn't invite family and friends I thought were less close. It ended up pretty unbalanced on the day and I still feel annoyed about it years later.

Upthread suggestions of "(total minus most important mutual) divided by two" guests each sound ideal. I only wish I'd been given that advice!!

BackforGood Mon 25-Feb-13 23:16:37

That's interesting bugsyburge, you've put My DH wanted to invite every person he had ever met in his entire life (similar to if you were having a casual birthday party)

Now, that sounds the opposite way round from my thinking. I have people that I consider to be very important people in my life, that I would certainly want to invite to a "once in a lifetime" type occasion such as a wedding, that I wouldn't invite for a more casual (ie, much more likely to be repeated, and therefore less significant) birthday party. People who live some distance away, generally, but also perhaps elderly relatives that wouldn't be on a guest list for my birthday BBQ perhaps. To me, a birthday do would involve far fewer people, than a significant, life changing event like a wedding.
I love MN for finding out how many different ways there are of thinking about things smile

INeverSaidThat Mon 25-Feb-13 23:21:26

BTW your wedding sounds lovely. smile

Doubletroublemummy2 Mon 25-Feb-13 23:38:47

I think you may have graciousley accept defeat on this one. These people are obviousley important enough for him to get upset about. I would just take one last chance to remind him of the bidget and if he still feels he would really like them there then so be it. Our wedding was tiny, only 35 guest and there still managed to people that I didn't know or my husband didn't know. The people who make the occasion on the day are close freinds and family and the rest you are unlikley to even notice individually but will hopefully help create a great atmostphere (something money can't buy smile)

WafflyVersatile Tue 26-Feb-13 00:24:15

If your DP is not happy about it then find another way to keep numbers down. It's his wedding too and for some people weddings are a great excuse to have reunions with family and friends who don't all get to see each other often. Shared history is part of who we are.

Pandemoniaa Tue 26-Feb-13 00:51:23

I'm sorry but you do sound controlling. Right down to the throwaway comment about people realising you were right to tell them to wear wellies.

If you and your DP were happy with your rule about unknown people being barred from the wedding then that'd be fine. But he isn't so it seems fairer to compromise and each agree to invite an agreed number of people - whether or not you know them. Because this wedding is supposed to be about both of you. Even if you are setting all the rules.

BeCool Tue 26-Feb-13 00:59:44

If I had a wedding, I wouldn't want anyone I didn't know there either. YANBU

totally felt the same as you but I think you need to convince your do.. give him your reasons.. but if he still wants everyone and their mother you got to let him. maybe tell him if he invites received that you will too... and explain the cost. it's not fair only you have to be cost consious.

anonymosity Tue 26-Feb-13 01:55:41

YANBU. It doesn't matter if your dress is second hand or $30K (sorry, no pound signs on my computer). If you have a wedding, its your choice who you invite. I definitely didn't want people I didn't know - and the newish partners of old friends (partners I'd not met) were not the best guests and I'd honestly have liked to turn them out on their ears. But I didn't.

nooka Tue 26-Feb-13 03:38:51

I really think you need to move away from 'I' toward 'we'. Weddings are abut two people coming together, and that usually means two sets of friends and family to witness/party.

Just because you haven't met someone does not mean they aren't significant to your fiance - his life before he met you has importance too.

I also think you need to watch out on thinking about the wedding as 'yours' and the funding also as yours - if you are using your joint savings then you and your partner are paying for your wedding party, you are not paying for people to come to your wedding (after all weddings are not without cost to attendees).

Sounds like a fun wedding plan, just try and plan it with your fiance (I'd also watch out for becoming the one who manages money, it can lead to all sorts of problems down the line if you aren't singing from the same song sheet about money - definitely something to resolve sooner rather than later in my experience.)

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Tue 26-Feb-13 10:33:00

I agree with whoever said work out the total number of people you can invite, minus any mutual friends then split the rest in two.

If you can invite 100 and have 20 mutual friends that leaves 80 so you'd have 40 people each to invite. If your DP wants to invite 50 then he has two choices. He can either whittle it down to 40 or he can get an evening job to fund the extra 10 places, it might make him think wrt the budget you have.

The bottom line, Dannilion is this. Is it really worth upsetting your husband-to-be over this? It is his wedding too, and he has every right to invite who he wants to it (subject to the restriction of numbers of course).

Thewhingingdefective Tue 26-Feb-13 10:59:18

YABU. How would you feel if your HTB said he didn't want your friends and relatives there because he didn't know them?

Surely a wedding is an opportunity it bring friends and family together, especially if you haven't seen people in a while.

If you really are on a shoestring budget and want to keep it small, only have immediate family and go to the pub or a restaurant for a low key post-wedding meal.

BridgetBidet Tue 26-Feb-13 11:09:53

If your husband wants them there you should invite them. To be honest think about it reversed. If you were on here saying that your DP had said that you could not invite friends or family unless you had met them there would be a deluge of people saying 'Red flag!' 'Emotional Abuse'.

I think you're being really unreasonable to be honest and if I heard that a friend of mine was behaving like this it would seriously undermine my opinion of them.

You might want to think what kind of impression this is giving to your DH about what your married life is going to be like too as it doesn't send out good signals at all.

As people have said if you want it to be low key just do it with your family - don't make arbitrary rules like this which really is just giving you carte blanch to veto his guests.

samandi Tue 26-Feb-13 11:47:11

because on one hand he wants a cheap, low key wedding and on the other hand seems to want to invite the whole world and his dog.

Well that seems rather unrealistic of him.

Personally I would probably rather not have people I didn't know at my wedding, it's a celebration of the two of you after all. But then if they are good friends ... it's a tricky one.

It's about common sense and compromise, isn't it samandi. If numbers are restricted, then the OP's fiance will not be able to invite an unlimited number of friends, but equally, he should be allowed to invite some of the people he wants there whether the OP has met them or not.

Though dh and I did know all of the friends who we wanted to invite (both his, mine and ours, iyswim), there were friends of my PIL who I'd not met previously, at our wedding, and friends of my parents whom dh hadn't met previously - and it didn't make the day any less special for us.

AllBellyandBoobs Tue 26-Feb-13 12:22:51

YABU. There were plenty of people I didn't know at my wedding, some DH's friends and their partners, some partners of my friends that I hadn't yet met and we suggested that both sets of parents invited a couple of their friends. It meant that everyone knew at least one person very well and as a result the wine flowed, conversation was non stop and the whole thing was the great big, friendly party that me and DH really wanted.

BridgetBidet Tue 26-Feb-13 18:26:38

I don't really understand why inviting them has to be so expensive? If the venue is a marquee in the parents field then their won't be a cover charge for them attending, just the catering.

That's simple, just invite them for the wedding and the dancing but don't invite them for the meal. Even if they're invited for the meal it probably won't bankrupt anybody unless you're going for a seventy quid a head blow out.

Sorry, this really really sticks with me. Banning friends of your partners from the wedding because you haven't met them when he really wants them there is far, far too controlling.

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