to think £250 is a lot for a hen do?

(41 Posts)
nemoni Sun 24-Feb-13 20:59:11

My brother is getting married this summer and I've been invited to the hen do - a weekend away. With travel, food, and accommodation (self catering, sharing a room with 2-3 girls I don't know) it will work out about £250 for me, and also involves a 5/6 hour journey and taking a day off work. School hols too. Is it just me or is this bonkers? What happened to a night out?! The stag do is also a weekend away, costs similar, and the wedding will involve travel and a night in a hotel for us and children (and all within one month). Is it unreasonable for me to think this is a lot to ask of people for a hen do?! Have given my polite apologies but am actually quite upset sad about it.

missorinoco Sun 24-Feb-13 21:00:58

No, YANBU, they seem so expensive now. The days of the night out seem to be long gone, although probably in part because people are so spread out that it wouldn be impractical.

GloriaPritchett Sun 24-Feb-13 21:02:59

YANBU.

Uppermid Sun 24-Feb-13 21:03:05

Yanbu, I agree, what happened to hen nights and stag nights? Is the prospect of getting married so bad that you need a whole weekend away or even week? It's getting ridiculous

bedmonster Sun 24-Feb-13 21:05:38

Would you have gone if it was someone else/doing something else?

I just ask because a friend of mine didn't go on her SILs hen night because a) she didn't really know anyone else, b) they were going for a cocktail making lesson and then clubbing, c) she isn't at all close with her SIL and d) it was very expensive. She told her SIL that it was just too expensive as she was planning her own wedding, but later told me that she would have paid and gone if it was a different situation.

You are not wrong in thinking that it's a lot of money for a night out though, especially as it seems to be very inconvenient for you.

MumToTheBoy Sun 24-Feb-13 21:08:55

I went on a hen weekend last week and it was a total cost of £200. I have had to say that because it cost so much I now can't afford to go to the wedding, which would be an additional £300. I paid a £100 deposit for the hen weekend thinking that was it, not knowing about the 'extras', or I would have said no to the hen so I could go to the wedding.

I think I'm getting old cos I feel it's very OTT and think a night out is more than enough.

Adversecamber Sun 24-Feb-13 21:11:17

For some 250 isn't much however I personally think it is ridiculous to expect people to fork out this kind of amount. My lovely friend is getting married in the summer, I am her bridesmaid. I asked her what she wanted for a hen night and she said a nice dinner then back to hers for chatting and wine.

I do find some of the requests these days very over the top.

nemoni Sun 24-Feb-13 21:12:41

Good question bedmonster, I think £250 is a lot to ask of anyone, quite up for the activities and did think I was quite close to my SIL but I guess for me it's also that spending £250 for a break and to share a bedroom with people I don't know when my husband and I haven't had a weekend away, nor a family holiday away, for a couple of years. That and that the combined cost of hen do, stag do and wedding starts to look like the cost of a family holiday at around £750!!!

JengaBlock Sun 24-Feb-13 21:13:09

Did you know,I was going to say ya nbu, but then it occurred to me that I didn't know, as I have never actually been on a hen night! But if I did, I. Definitely wouldn't spend that much!

Cherriesarelovely Sun 24-Feb-13 21:31:27

£250 is a huge amount of money. There is no way I could do that and I think it is VU of people to ask.

Enfyshedd Sun 24-Feb-13 21:43:56

Now I have DD, my ideal plan for a hen do is a baby sitter for DD, maybe a day out and an evening meal out with my friends.

Before I had DD, my ideal plan hen do was... maybe a day out and an evening meal out with my friends.

I don't like a big fuss and I don't have a lot of friends who I would want at a hen night. In fact, half of my mates I'd like to be at my hen night are blokes anyway!!

SalopianTubes Sun 24-Feb-13 21:48:53

YANBU, I recently declined an invite for a hen-do, which was a £160 for 1 night's accomodation, plus a demand for £20 contribution for the hen's night, plus cash for a gift for the hen. With travel and other expenses the night would have easily cost £250.

The invite was only text to me 9 days before the event, which makes me think someone had pulled out, and they were scrabbling around to find a replacement to help keep costs down. angry

SilverClementine Sun 24-Feb-13 21:54:55

It is a lot, YANBU. I'm going to one soon that will cost 170, but as well as celebrating a friend's marriage its also a chancfe ti hang out with people I genuinely like and do stuff that sounds fun. I've turned down invites for hen do's that were more expensive/a hassle.

I wouldn't go if I were you. You don't sound mad keen and It's a LOT of money to spend on something only out of obligation.

midastouch Sun 24-Feb-13 21:55:26

YANBU that is a hell of a lot of money if you're not well off, i would never have gone, couldn't justify it!

OrangeLily Sun 24-Feb-13 22:06:32

YANBU!! That's ridiculous.

I'm going on a fairly standard hen weekend soon and it's £140. Tried to wittle it down a bit cost wise but its a package deal so couldn't.

My friend has one this year which is 20 mins away from us and is costing £400 for just over 24hrs!!

twinklytoes Sun 24-Feb-13 22:22:19

£400! what are you doing orangelily

I'm having to partner-up with my sister on a hen do at the end of year..prices not mentioned yet..but given the pics of the bride to be at a hen weekend this weekend on fb...it's gonna be loads. Only going so my sister doesn't have to share a room with strangers and give her some company. Sister is on best man/woman duties...has to wear a morning suit but been banned from the stag do.

expatinscotland Sun 24-Feb-13 22:27:40

FAR too much. YANBU. I'd decline, too. Whatever happened to a pub crawl and a curry?

AnaisB Sun 24-Feb-13 22:29:02

Yanbu - it's a lot, but i'm organising a hen party at the moment which will cost similar. I guess because we're all spread out over the country there has to be a night away involved and i want to organise something the bride will love. Very conscious of people not being able to afford it though and we did give as much notice as possible.

Quilty Sun 24-Feb-13 22:30:09

YANBU

I think these type of hen do's are a bit selfish, they force people to fork out money they can't really afford either cos they feel they have to go or they feel too embarrassed to say they think its too expensive. Or if someone really can't afford it then they have to either make an excuse or the rest of the group will know how tight their finances are which is really none of anyone's business!

mameulah Sun 24-Feb-13 22:33:55

YANBU - don't go!!! And don't worry about it for even one second.

AnaisB Sun 24-Feb-13 22:34:59

Tbh i agree with quilty. Obvioussly i'm obliged to go to the one i'm organising, but if not and i couldn't afford it i'd just make an excuse or say i could only go for part of it.

Ruprekt Sun 24-Feb-13 22:40:19

A night out should be enough.

Dh went to Italy with my father and my brothers (mental!) but he is italian so they only needed to pay flights and stayed with family.

I went to an italian restaurant for my hen night! Job done!

Picturesinthefirelight Sun 24-Feb-13 22:40:54

Yrs that's a lot. £250 is about the price of an apartment at the seaside for the whole family at Easter.

Family has to come first for us.

lemontwist Sun 24-Feb-13 22:45:56

I've just paid a deposit for a hen do that I reckon will end up costing about £250 in total. DH will be going on the stag do which will cost at least the same if not more. With that and two nights away to wedding plus travel and gifts we'll be paying about a grand.
We really wanted to go as its DH's best mate and he'll be an usher but its going to be a real stretch.
Its a shame they have to be so costly nowadays - I turned down 3 hen dos last year because of cost. When we got married 4 years ago we tried hard to keep our hen/stag costs down and we still both had an amazing time.

Bluelightsandsirens Sun 24-Feb-13 22:54:30

Bollocks to it all

Just say no.

Seriously

bedmonster Sun 24-Feb-13 23:00:58

TBH, in most cases the hen probably isn't that bothered about everyone going. Don't mean to come across as harsh, as I certainly am not implying it, but she has probably got together with her best friends and they have come up with what they most want to do, and then invited everyone else along knowing that not everybody will be able to afford it.
Personally, if it were me, I would have a hen night with 4 of my closest mates and have a chat about what we all fancied doing within an agreed budget. They would tell me straight if they didn't want to do something, or couldn't afford it.
I wouldn't ever want people to shell out loads of money because they thought they were expected to. I think some brides to be are very selfish.

SinisterBuggyMonth Sun 24-Feb-13 23:18:28

Hen parties are getting silly. The last one I went on was just over £100 plus the 2 hr drive there and back. Was good fun but its all starting to feel a bit one-up-manship. I intend to make mine as cheap as chips!
£250 is a
quarter of a grand. Thats just silly.

KissingKittyKat Mon 25-Feb-13 08:34:25

I spent about £250 going to a hen last year. Not only did I have to share a room with someone I hardly know, I was expected to share a bed with her too! All the twin rooms had been snapped up so I was left in a double room with a virtual stranger.

I didn't enjoy the hen much anyway, it was just getting drunk and I found it tedious and immature.

After that I have decided to be very selective which hen dos I go to, and will only go to reasonably priced ones for my closest friends.

Yanbu

MrsMelons Mon 25-Feb-13 08:46:46

It is a lot and I would only ever plan something like that if I knew all my friends could afford/would want to do something like that. I do think a lot of the time that it is more priorities rather than being able to afford it. Most people I know have done the weekends away but have also organised a local meal/night out for those that couldn't go.

I am however very shocked that someone up thread paid out loads to go a hen weekend rather than save the money to go to the actual wedding instead?!

expatinscotland Mon 25-Feb-13 08:52:04

'TBH, in most cases the hen probably isn't that bothered about everyone going. Don't mean to come across as harsh, as I certainly am not implying it, but she has probably got together with her best friends and they have come up with what they most want to do, and then invited everyone else along knowing that not everybody will be able to afford it.'

Then why not make it just the 4 of you?

wibblyjelly Mon 25-Feb-13 13:59:32

I think the whole idea of a hen/stag weekend is ridiculous. I went out for a meal with some friends, so probably cost about £40 for each person, including drinks.

bedmonster Mon 25-Feb-13 17:13:48

Expat was that to me?

Molehillmountain Mon 25-Feb-13 17:20:42

Madness. I had what I considered to be a lovely hen do. Some of us went climbing/abseiling-not all and I'd been really clear that no one should feel they had to come climbing because its a bit of an acquired taste. Some came for an afternoon after that drinking tea and eating cake (which I'd made). A larger group went out in the evening for a nice (but not extravagent meal and drinks.). I'd have felt very uncomfortable if any part of the day was very expensive. Oh-and df went away for the night so there was overnight accommodation for all who needed it.

KitCat26 Mon 25-Feb-13 17:24:00

Wow that is a lot!

I was really concious of cost when I had mine (4 yrs ago) as money and time off are both very precious for everyone. We did Go Ape and a meal then everyone crashed round ours on the floor.

I am maid of honour at a huge production of a wedding this summer and the hen weekend will be £250. I am not organising this! The other hens who work in offices are. That should include two nights away, activities, food and booze, and it's only a couple of hours away. I really like all the women going, although I think I'll be the only mother. And I pray I'm not sharing a bed!
The other hen night is the one I am organising in our local town and it is going to be as cheap as cheap can be. Curry and a pub crawl.

Hulababy Mon 25-Feb-13 17:32:13

I find all these expensive flash hen/stag dos these days so OTT. To expect friends and family to form out £100s just because you are getting married is just too much I think.

Why can people not just enjoy a night out locally with friends anymore?

I could afford this level of money but it would have to be someone very important to me for me to do so.

When someone else's wedding it going to cost you the best part of £750 it is getting ridiculous!!!

RedToothBrush Mon 25-Feb-13 17:55:12

By the time you add up the hen do, the stag do, the hotel for two nights (Weddings a weekend not a day now), your clothes for the day, buying drinks, the food the day after, the petrol, the wedding gift... you can be close to a £1000 before you know it.

It then pisses me off when people say "well the bride and groom paid for you meal" as if its comparable.

I will not be going to my SIL's hen do despite her guilt trip over it. We can't afford it, and she knows full well I despise hen dos with a passion so its not a personal affront to her.

willesden Mon 25-Feb-13 19:08:16

Never mind the cost; it is the sharing a room with women you don't know which would make my mind up. Don't go.

eviekingston Mon 25-Feb-13 19:26:17

The trouble with Hen dos is that by their very nature they tend to include quite a range of people (friends from school/uni, colleagues, family, husband to be's family...) and consequently quite a range of incomes. I have been invited on hen weekends where the hen has been an old school friend but is now mid successful career, whilst I am working part time and with small child - our ideas of what constitutes a 'reasonable' amount to spend varies massively. When I got married, my only stipulation to my bridesmaid was that whatever she organised would be fine, but no one was to be asked to cough up more than £50. The most I have paid was £160, and I was a bit pissed off at that....

Kundry Mon 25-Feb-13 19:55:14

Well I'm mid successful career, no kids and my idea of a reasonable amount for a hen do is £50 and one evening. And if you don't live locally no-one should be upset if you don't go.

Can't imagine expecting loads of people traipsing round the country and spending all that money just because I'd deigned to get married shock

duffybeatmetoit Mon 25-Feb-13 19:58:54

YADNBU. I didn't feel happy about asking friends to cough up twice for travel and accommodation as we are all scattered around the country. Instead as everyone was travelling to the wedding on the day before I just invited everyone to the local pub for drinks/food that night. Didn't add anything to their accommodation costs. We also had a bbq for guests the day after the wedding so that they could have a meal on us before travelling home. Very chilled and I think everyone appreciated it.

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