to expect the changing room to be given up for me?

(92 Posts)
alisunshine29 Sun 24-Feb-13 16:26:02

I took DD's aged 5 yrs and 8 months swimming today. Our pool has 3 big changing rooms which have the blue changing tables for babies, about 20 cubicles that fit 2/3 people in and about 20 individual sized ones. I was drying DD's hair under the hand dryer directly in front of the big changing rooms after swimming waiting for one to become free. When it did I told DD to take her bag in there while I picked up the rest of our stuff. A single man stepped in front of her as she got to the door and shut it in her face, narrowly missing her fingers. I knocked on the door and asked if he had any children joining him, when he said no I asked if he'd mind moving to a different cubicle - of which there were plenty available - so I could use the large room to change with kids. He said no so I said that's what the rooms are there for, he said 'show me the sign that says so' which point I said 'you shouldn't need a sign to tell you to have some common decency and let two small cold children get dressed, particularly after you just slammed a door in ones face and almost trapped her fingers.' He just shrugged, said 'she looks fine to me' and closed the door before shouting 'and don't knock on the door again, it's very rude!' I'm hoping you'll agree he was a complete dick, but was it unreasonable of me to knock in the first place?

FutTheShuckUp Sun 24-Feb-13 16:27:04

settles down with popcorn and doritos...

Flobbadobs Sun 24-Feb-13 16:28:16

YANBU I would have been pissed off too, he pushed in front of your daughter then was rude about it? Arse...

IsThatTrue Sun 24-Feb-13 16:28:23

YANBU common decency gone amiss again.

ScillyCow Sun 24-Feb-13 16:28:39

I think I would have just sucked it up and waited for another one. There are some inconsiderate people about.

I am sure you will be accused of being 'entitled'.

usualsuspect Sun 24-Feb-13 16:28:43


aldiwhore Sun 24-Feb-13 16:28:51

He was a dick, you sound entitled.

ScillyCow Sun 24-Feb-13 16:30:17

Aha! There we are!

Flobbadobs Sun 24-Feb-13 16:30:27

Not sure I would have knocked though, that may have been going a bit far..

funkypigeon Sun 24-Feb-13 16:30:50


fluckered Sun 24-Feb-13 16:31:47

aldiwhore summed it up nicely.

Rowlers Sun 24-Feb-13 16:32:27

He behaved like a prat, you were brave enough to challenge him.
One can only hope that he goes away shame-faced, considering his actions.
Why can't we all just be nice? sad

FutTheShuckUp Sun 24-Feb-13 16:32:28

he sounds like an arse but your whole tone does sound indeed entitled

MajaBiene Sun 24-Feb-13 16:32:58

Of course she's entitled! Why shouldn't someone with a baby feel entitled to use a changing room with bloody baby changing facilities in it!

He was a dick.

YouTheCat Sun 24-Feb-13 16:33:26

Why not ask that the swimming pool puts some signs up so that they are designated as family changing cubicles?

Flojobunny Sun 24-Feb-13 16:33:51

Knocked on the door? I'd have knocked his flippin block off. Cheeky tosser. YANBU.

MajaBiene Sun 24-Feb-13 16:33:56

If I'm out with a baby, I feel entitled to use parent and baby facilities. That is the whole purpose of them.

aldiwhore Sun 24-Feb-13 16:34:00

Bingo ScillyCow Glad to oblige... smile

KD0706 Sun 24-Feb-13 16:34:11

I would have knocked too and hoped that he would have had the common decency to move. It may have been different if there were no 'single' cubicles available.

And he was an absolute dick to call you rude for knocking

summerlovingliz Sun 24-Feb-13 16:34:34

what an idiot..don't think u were rude to knock at all..good for you! if u don't ask then u don't get! Some people are just selfish. And yes, I do think a mother with 2 small children is entitled to a family size changing room over a man on his own

Did you check the lock? Is it one of those you can open from the outside with a coin? If so, I'm sure you can guess what I'd have done ..! grin

OneHundredSecondsofSolitude Sun 24-Feb-13 16:35:24

SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT not fucking 'entitled'. 'Entitled' is NOT the right way to express what you are trying to say

That feels much better

fluckered Sun 24-Feb-13 16:35:42

he was a nobber. but your concern for your kids getting cold was lost when you spent even more time standing there arguing with him. would have sorted my kids first after i called him a wanker and moved on.

ENormaSnob Sun 24-Feb-13 16:36:06

You should've grabbed his shoes from under the door and thrown them in the pool.

Fairylea Sun 24-Feb-13 16:37:15


And well done for arguing the point.

He shouldn't have pushed in front of your little girl like that. He was the entitled one imo, he thought as an adult that he could just barge in front of her.

The first popcorn poster contributed exactly zero to this post...unless shit stirring counts of course.

TidyDancer Sun 24-Feb-13 16:37:44

My guess is your DD wasn't as close to the door as you think and he just went into a changing room that happened to be the one you wanted.

In which case, neither of you is particularly wrong. He probably thought you were behaving like a brat, and you thought he was being rude.

What a dick he was.

And you were entitled (in the original sense of the word) since your DD was there first! He's an idiot if he doesn't realize that the bigger changing rooms are best used by several people not by one lone person.

You could go to the main desk and ask them to put a sign up saying family changing though - might help idiots like him, I suppose.

aldiwhore Sun 24-Feb-13 16:38:36

Clear signs would avoid the problem, or at least give parent firm cause for actually getting into a row with others.

In our local pool, the disabled/family/singleton and baby changing rooms are one... people do not cue in order of need, they simply jump in when one becomes available.

I hate changing rooms anyway. I particularly hate babychanging units... they always stink and look like they're going to fall off the wall. shrugs

I think my unsympathetic stance comes from the fact that the man could have been forgiven for not realising you were queuing... as you were actually doing something else at the time. He WAS a dick...

I just can't get cross about it sorry.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 24-Feb-13 16:39:12

Oh lighten up so called comedycentral- its in reference to how these threads always end up

MajaBiene Sun 24-Feb-13 16:40:11

Even if the dick didn't realise they were queuing, if someone with a baby asks to use the changing room with a baby changing table in it, and you do not have a baby and there are other cubicles available, why would you not swap?

usualsuspect Sun 24-Feb-13 16:40:59

The changing room threads nearly always kick off.

emsyj Sun 24-Feb-13 16:41:37

YANBU, but I think the way you challenged him was taking the wrong approach - I would have pointed out that he had just barged in front of my DD and that she was there first etc. I do wish there was some 'policing' of the changing rooms with baby change facilities tbh - there aren't enough of them at our local pool to enable those who don't genuinely need the changing table and additional space to take them. There are two disabled changing rooms that are locked, and only opened to allow those in genuine need of the facilities to access them - maybe given the very limited baby facilities, the leisure centres could consider doing this - have doors on these rooms that only open with a token and you collect this when you arrive with a baby. Or have them booked with time slots. It's a right PITA taking babies swimming if you can't get a changing table.

MajaBiene Sun 24-Feb-13 16:42:14

The normal response to:
"Excuse me, can I use this large cubicle with the changing table in it as I have small children with me?"

would be:
"Yes of course, I didn't realise you were waiting".

FutTheShuckUp Sun 24-Feb-13 16:42:23

The thread title got my back up immediatley tbh.
If the OP said 'was this man a class A pillock and AIBU to think anyone with an ounce of manners would have allowed us to use this facility' I would have simply said YADNBU

maddening Sun 24-Feb-13 16:42:27

Why is there a sense of entitlement - she was queuing for the cubicle and he dashed in front - I doubt he didn't see the little girl who was probably closer to the door and obviously heading there before he started to go to it and the fact that he didn't hurt the girl is more luck than judgement.

She also had a greater need for the larger cubicle and he acted like an arse.

You are still shit stirring...and not really contributing though!

FutTheShuckUp Sun 24-Feb-13 16:44:08

If you say so comedy.

usualsuspect Sun 24-Feb-13 16:45:00

I think you should have just waited for the next cubicle to become free.

I wouldn't have knocked on the door. I might have huffed and puffed a bit though.

emsyj Sun 24-Feb-13 16:45:13

"I particularly hate babychanging units... they always stink and look like they're going to fall off the wall."

The changing tables at our local swimming pool aren't attached to the wall and they're just a sort of plastic concave table - no fabric, no padding etc - just a heavy plastic table that you can put the baby on as the sides are dished and baby can't roll off. Not similar at all to the ones you get in toilets. you just wrap the baby in a towel and plonk them down (rather than having to put them on the floor).

Actually now I am shit stirring. And I agree with your recent post, the title is a little off.

fluckered Sun 24-Feb-13 16:46:54

two posts saying someone is shit stirring with their replies doesnt add anything to thread either.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 24-Feb-13 16:47:19

Now you are talking sense wink

fluckered Sun 24-Feb-13 16:47:23

ha ha snap comedycentral!

Matildaduck Sun 24-Feb-13 16:47:38

I shamed someone into leaving a baby changing cubical once. ( cue very loud voice are you taking this cubical then with baby change when you have school age children.)

Her kids were 5 plus ( school uniform) mine were 6 months and 2.3m. I was on my own, we were wet. She was dry.

Facilities are there for young children ( baby change) at five you can go in a cubical.

I hope i never forget how hard it is to manage small people and never make it harder for others.

As you can see I have just noted that. I realise that I am being a grumpy comedy today.

fluckered Sun 24-Feb-13 16:49:19

lucky for you i love comedycentral wink

Is it too early for wine !


FutTheShuckUp Sun 24-Feb-13 16:49:42

Never mind that, lets get back to slating men the idiot who stole the cubicle

Ignorant Git.

You did right to knock. I would have been cross, but then I loathe swimming pool changing rooms and am usually cross when I am in them.

You are right, he was an absolute twat. I do think they should label the cubicle though.

libertyflip Sun 24-Feb-13 16:51:02

Where was the baby when you were drying your daughters hair under the dryer?

alisunshine29 Sun 24-Feb-13 16:51:10

She was close enough to have her fingers on the door frame, therefore he could not possibly have not seen her.

fluckered Sun 24-Feb-13 16:54:25

never too early for wine. he was an arsehole but tbh i would have been more concerned over getting my kids dry than standing there arguing with him. yanbu to be well pissed off over it though.

alisunshine29 Sun 24-Feb-13 16:55:39

I was holding my baby wrapped in her towel. I wasn't 'leaving them to get even colder' while I argued either as someone said, the next sized cubicles are rectangular and though we might just fit it'd be impossible to get baby dressed on narrow bench.

beatlegirl Sun 24-Feb-13 16:56:47

Matildaduck, do you have a 5 year old? (Or a 4 year old, as that's the age you start wearing school uniform.)

They often do need a bit of help, it's not always as simple as shoving them in a cubicle and letting them get on with it.

I really hate it when parents of little ones treat any child past toddler age as though they are mini adults who need no special consideration at all.

alisunshine29 Sun 24-Feb-13 16:57:51

Agreed about labelling the cubicles, I filled in a comment slip and spoke to receptionist to suggest it.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 24-Feb-13 16:58:59

Mmmm, if he hadn't stepped in front of your dd and shut the door in her face I'd have said yabu and just need to wait for a bigger cubicle to be free.

However he may not have seen it the way you did. He may just believe that he got there first. It depends really whether he saw your dd and purposefully stepped in front of her which is the impression you give in your op.

But if he was just there first then yabu.

MajaBiene Sun 24-Feb-13 17:01:50

Even if he did get to the cubicle with the baby change in it first, what normal person would refuse to give it up to a mother with children?

VivaLeBeaver Sun 24-Feb-13 17:02:09

However he was still been a twat. Most people even if they'd got there first if they'd been asked nicely if they really needed the baby changing cubicle would have left it. I would have.....though I don't think I'd ask someone to leave it.

When dd was a baby there weren't flip down baby changing stations and I managed changing her on a bench so it can be done but I agree its not nearly as easy. Especially with another dc as well.

alisunshine29 Sun 24-Feb-13 17:14:35

Agreed that it may be possible to change her (with difficulty) on the bench but then there's still nowhere to put her while I get changed. Floor is filthy and she's trying to cruise and crawl so wouldn't sit still and would likely bump head on hard floor.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 24-Feb-13 17:16:08

This is why I hardly ever took dd swimming when she was little. The manky changing rooms.

TidyDancer Sun 24-Feb-13 17:22:48

I'm still not convinced from your description that he would've necessarily realised what your DD was doing. Children have a habit of dancing about in changing rooms, he could well have just assumed that.

If that is the case, then I could understand him thinking you were being a bit rude to knock on the door, and you thinking he was rude to take the changing room. All based on misunderstandings.

FutTheShuckUp Sun 24-Feb-13 17:35:23

Was he Mr Bean?

WhatKindofFool Sun 24-Feb-13 17:42:55

You should've grabbed his shoes from under the door and thrown them in the pool. grin

UANBU. Some people are lacking in social awareness and decency. You don't need a sign to explain that a large cubicle with a changing table in it is for families.

PurpleBlossom Sun 24-Feb-13 17:43:39

This winds me up every time we take DD (4 months) swimming. At our local pool there are only 3 cubicles with baby changing. Why, oh why do people without small children need to use them?! Makes no sense at all, it's just selfish.

It's not too bad before you swim but after when I'm clutching a cold, wet baby I tend to get a bit pissed off at people who no common sense.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 24-Feb-13 18:08:57

Had he been waiting longer than you?

TidyDancer Sun 24-Feb-13 18:13:30

Actually that's a good point, Clouds. OP, how long had you both been in there?

Suzieismyname Sun 24-Feb-13 18:23:44

yanbu, ask the pool to put some proper signs up so it won't happen again!

MajaBiene Sun 24-Feb-13 18:30:20

Why does it matter how long he had been waiting? He didn't need a baby changing table and the OP did. He could have easily used another cubicle, she couldn't.

riskit4abiskit Sun 24-Feb-13 18:40:08


Good on you for challenging him, bet he will think twice before doing it again. Cannot believe when challenged he did not go to another cubicle.

redskyatnight Sun 24-Feb-13 18:45:19

If you were drying your DD's hair, he probably didn't realise you were standing there waiting for a changing room - just that you were standing there because that's the hair dryer was. TBH if you spotted a changing room come free and you had to stop drying DD's hair, get her to pick up her bag and explain to her to go into the changing room (whilst presumably juggling the baby and other swimming bags) you were probably not that quick going towards it. I doubt a 5 year old would have been that decisive in going towards the room either (she would be looking back for you) and I can well believe that the man didn't realise that is what she was doing.

If he was a man without children and the changing room are not labelled as family ones, I also doubt that he was aware that there was a limited supply of ones where it was more convenient to change a baby. He probably thought you were a total loon banging on the door and demanding to be let in.

BrainDeadMama Sun 24-Feb-13 19:05:29

Aaaagh I hate the MN phrase 'entitled' so much. What does it actually mean? Can somone please explain it to me? Entitled to be treated with courtesy? Entitled to some recognition that people with small children have particular needs? Entitled to live in a society where people don't just think of themselves?

Anyway, rant over. YANBU OP.

alisunshine29 Sun 24-Feb-13 22:48:38

There was a family coming out of the changing room in question and I said to DD to take her bag in as soon as the door opened. She was politely waiting by door for all of the previous family to leave, the twerp walked straight in from reception whereas we'd been waiting a few minutes.

fluffypillow Sun 24-Feb-13 22:56:20

What an arsehole. YANBU.

xigris Sun 24-Feb-13 22:59:58

YANBU. Total wanker. Reminds me of the time I had to park bloody miles from the entrance to tesco in the pouring rain as the one free parent and child spaces was taken from under my nose (bonnet?) by a bloke driving a van with NO child in it. It was december and I was with my toddler and 3 week old DS2. Utter tosser to my mind! BTW, this was 3 years ago, not that I'm bitter or anything!

MidniteScribbler Sun 24-Feb-13 23:01:04

Couldn't you have used the changing room your partner was hiding in whilst trying to avoid seeing his own children?

aldiwhore Sun 24-Feb-13 23:06:52

That was yesterday Midnitescribbler snort...

He was a prize wankstain, sadly the world is full of them. You and your children won't even have remotely entered his mind since the incident, while you are still (quite rightly) fuming. This is what makes wankstains even more annoying. They piss you off at the time and they piss you off for days afterwards while they carry on their happy wankstainly lives. Grrrrrrr!!

Because of this great imbalance in universal karma, I do try not to let wankstains bother me and be more zen about this type of encounter. I tell myself they are not worth the stress and remind myself that they are not wasting any mental energy on me.

But dear lord it's hard!!

MeDented Sun 24-Feb-13 23:09:11

To be fair o don't know his situation either. Not all disabilities are visible. He may have claustrophobia or an other reason that means he also needs more PAC to get changed that he didn't want to disclose to a stranger.

MidniteScribbler Sun 24-Feb-13 23:10:00

That was yesterday Midnitescribbler snort...

My bad. Hard to keep all the fuckwits in her life straight.

midastouch Sun 24-Feb-13 23:11:13

In my swimming pool the larger rooms have signs on them saying family changing, he was very rude YANBU how did he think you were going to change an 8 month old in a single changing room, or were your DDs supposed to stand getting cold, horrible man!

ElliesWellies Sun 24-Feb-13 23:57:50

You should have asked him why he particularly needed one with a changing table. Did he need to change his nappy? Sorry, that is very childish, but it would have made me feel better to say it!


TheBookofRuth Mon 25-Feb-13 00:05:16

I would have stood outside repeatedly knocking on the door whilst singing "this man has a tiny knob", and encouraging my DCs to join in, or at least to cry at the top of their little lungs.

What's up with all the "just wait for another cubicle" crap?! How utterly spineless - stand up for yourselves people!

janji Mon 25-Feb-13 00:23:56

This is why rude and ill mannered people get away with their behaviour; too many people see people who raise objections to unacceptable behaviour as entitled. If no one stands up for themselves the entitled ones are the idiots choosing to use a cubicle obviously mean for a parent with small children for themselves.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 25-Feb-13 00:37:07

Yanbu but that's because he que jumped by going past your dd and shutting the door in her face

SavoyCabbage Mon 25-Feb-13 00:45:16

I agree with RedSky. He probably didn't know you had any interest in the changing room as you were drying your dds hair and if he might not know that there are only a few big changing rooms.

MrsMelons Mon 25-Feb-13 08:13:50

YABU to 'expect a changing room to be given up for you' and YABU to be so rude HOWEVER I do not get the MN attitude around facilities provided to make life a bit easier with kids when have bene swimming or anything else for that matter.

It is quite difficult getting 2 DCs ready after swimming especially if one is a non-walking baby so the OP should have been able to use the changing room but I would imagine the man did not realise as she was not actually there waiting as such and as she was rude to him he probably thought why should he move!

Emilythornesbff Mon 25-Feb-13 09:13:58

Yanbu?sorry he was behaving like an arse.
Well done for being assertive.

PurpleBlossom Mon 25-Feb-13 20:46:51

LOL at the man maybe having claustrophobia and therefore needing the bigger changing room!


drmummmsy Mon 25-Feb-13 20:50:14

grr it's a pet hate of mine when adults disregard children in a queue for something...

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