to nearly be caught short in waitrose in the loo department.....TMI alert..

(99 Posts)
wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:42:17

by being so embarassed. had an orange in the cafe in ikea with dd which for some reason decided to not stay for long. was in w'rose and had to RUSH with dd in tow to the ladies. one loo not working. by the time it was my turn there was another two women in the queue. i couldn't keep it in so in a feeble attempt to disguise the sound i asked dd to check what was on my shopping list (she was the other side of the door). i was crying with laughter nearly as she was reading out the most ridiculous stuff from my shopping list as the same time i was desperately trying to disguise what was going on the other side of the door.........i felt so sorry for the other women waiting patiently to go in. tbh if i had been her i would have done anything NOT to have gone in after me sad

bridgetsmum Sat 23-Feb-13 17:45:48

Why were you trying to disguise the sound? You were in a loo having a wee!!!

Mrsrobertduvall Sat 23-Feb-13 17:46:30

Be grateful you found a loo.
I was nearly hysterical in Covent Garden on Friday as I tried to find a loo.
I was going hot and cold.
Ds 13 was mortified.

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:46:33

bridge it wasn't a wee......

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:47:25

mrs you could have gone into a restaurant and begged smile

dontwanttobefatandforty Sat 23-Feb-13 17:47:37

bridget I dont think it was a wee she was having

NC78 Sat 23-Feb-13 17:49:42

It's a toilet. People don't que up in a loo and expect to hear the sound of angels singing...

Having a poo at Waitrose Is this a stealth boast. grin

Seriously though, I would have been mortified too. sad

But they might be a bit hmm at the sound of a huge whirlysplat poo NC78. Especially in Waitrose.

bridgetsmum Sat 23-Feb-13 17:52:35

Lol, sorry I thought it was an orange drink wink

In that case, I might have been doing the same lol

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:53:55

i am skint at the minute so only go to waitrose here and there but in this instance dd and i were going to the cafe for a hot chocolate as a treat. i don't like going into a loo after someone that i know has done a poo. i know we all do them but smelling a strangers poo ain't my idea of fun, poo sods who went in after me. i am still cringing about it. pathetic really (that i am still thinking about it). come to think of it, the orange in idea was pretty horrible :D

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:54:34

* i meant pooR sods :-D

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 17:55:41

bridge the orange was REALLY hard to peel and i couldn't separate the segments. i didn't know you could get a dodgy orange that might give you the runs

Our Waitrose doesn't have a cafe. sad

I know exactly what you mean winter and I would still be thinking about it. grin at 'poo sods' though.

My Mum had a smiliar incident involving a glass of orange juice and a prawn sandwich. on the train. sad blush

The trick is to flush as soon as you plop, it masks the sound and reduces the smell, you also get a refreshing burst of water on your bumhole.

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 18:00:14

sparkl what on earth did your mum do? i used to have panic attacks on the tube if it stopped in a tunnel and i needed to 'go'. to this day i always try and go before i get on the tube. the bowel responds REALLY quickly to anxiety. what did she do??

grin Kiss I do that. blush Then maybe a quick squirt of bodyspray. (Not on bumhole, just in general)

She did a huge stinky whirlysplat poo on the train winter. sad

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 18:01:41

akiss good idea although in this instance, i don't think one flush would have lasted long enough, it was that bad. i wouldn't mind but i only had a few mouthfuls as it was a horrible orange

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 18:03:14

sparkl was it an over bround train (with toilets) or a tube train (with no toilets), sorry, just nosey

You need to courtesy flush wink

Did you camo cough as you did it? grin

I love that spoof e-mail that once went round about how to poo at work

ShoutyHead Sat 23-Feb-13 18:10:30

I always flush to cover the sound. Also next time ask dd to wash her hands then when the ha dryer is on go for it!

Seriously though I used to have bad bowel problems I once did a massive poo in a dodgy car park toilet, it was horrific. I heard someone come into the loos gasp "dear god" and then leave straight away. Another time the lady in the next cubicle actually sprayed her bodyspray to mask the smell. I stayed in the cubicle for a long time!

Moominlandmidwinter Sat 23-Feb-13 18:19:21

Oh no. I think that I would have died from embarrassment. I have a phobia of pooing in public toilets. We were coming back from my Dad's last week, and DH missed the junction on the motorway because he was 'thinking about leopards'. At this precise moment, I realised that my lunch had gone through quicker than usual. I can relate to the going hot and cold. We were still miles from home, and no services in sight- not that I wanted to use one! It was one of the worst 30 minutes in a car, ever.

ShellyBoobs Sat 23-Feb-13 18:49:13

DH missed the junction on the motorway because he was 'thinking about leopards'.

That's both bizarre and hilarious, Moomin. grin

Does he have other random thoughts which distract him?

FreshLeticia Sat 23-Feb-13 18:54:22

that is hilarious Moomin 'thinking about leopards'.
I might retain that one for use when I do something vague.

andubelievedthat Sat 23-Feb-13 18:54:31

i simply stroll in to wherever has a loo,pub, club restaurant anywhere ,and if challenged ,keep walking purposefully ,i am "on a mission" if i need the loo and an establishment has one then i am using it , if staff wish to pursue me ,argue with me i tell them i will p myself and later consult a solicitor re any case i can bring against org.Admittedly i once did p myself at a gig, (wearing jeans) would have missed the encore if i"d tried to get to loo and back( frankly, i blame the parents!)

DameFanny Sat 23-Feb-13 18:55:36

Yes what was he thinking about leopards please?

winter it was a train with toilets. Phew. For Mum. Not so much for anyone in the vicinity. grin

How does food go through so quickly though? I don't get it. confused I know someone who can't go to a particular chip shop because about 15 minutes after eating the chips they have the squits.

Moominlandmidwinter Sat 23-Feb-13 19:04:59

He is rather odd sometimes. We have some strange conversations.

Apparently, leopards can go for a month without drinking water.

pansyflimflam Sat 23-Feb-13 19:13:25

DH missed the junction on the motorway because he was 'thinking about leopards'.


countrykitten Sat 23-Feb-13 19:17:54

By FAR the most interesting thing about this thread is moomin's DH thinking about leopards!

Why anyone would feel the need to start a thread about having to go to the loo (shock, horror) I have really no idea.

I think it's not the fact he was thinking about Leopards moomin more the fact he admitted it. Plus if you were on the way back from the Safari Park that would have been a bit better. grin

willesden Sat 23-Feb-13 19:22:30

How is is physically and medically possible for an orange to travel through the human body in a matter of minutes? I don't understand the OP tbh.

That's what I don't get willesden, but it happens.

twooter Sat 23-Feb-13 19:24:45

I remember having hysterics on a school trip hearing an elderly woman having the squirts in Coventry Cathedral, so I totally get where you're coming from.

chocolatespiders Sat 23-Feb-13 19:26:08

Carry some eucalyptus oil 2 drops in toilet before you go masks the smell. £1.00 from Sainsburys pharmacy smile

DH had an episode where he had to rush into some public loos and barely got his trousers down before the poo explosion happened. He said that a bloke at the urinal shouted 'BLIMEY SOUNDED LIKE YOU NEEDED THAT'. shock grin

countrykitten Sat 23-Feb-13 19:29:37

An orange cannot physically travel through the body in minutes. What a load of old rubbish. Some stupid urban myth no doubt.

thegreylady Sat 23-Feb-13 19:33:35

Here is my recent poo story and I will blush in advance.
I was absolutely desperate-had been out for the day and loo on train was out of order.I hoped [oh how I hoped] to make it home but it wasn't to be.I asked dh ,who had met me, to go into Tesco car park and I rushed to the loo in the shop with a buttock clenching fast shuffle smile A young man with a mop had come out of the Gents and was going to clean in the Ladies so he suggested I use the Gents.By this time I'd have used a potty if one had been offered!Rushed in-did an enormous and I mean enormous poo-the loo wouln't flush! I kept trying and eventually it worked ... BUT the poo wouldn't go! I decided to sneak out. However-there was a young man waiting to use the toilet.I muttered,"It won't flush." and fled to the car. I shouted dramatically,"Just DRIVE!!!!!"like someone in a gangster movie.
I can never ever go to that Tesco again blush blush

Chottie Sat 23-Feb-13 19:40:19

thegreylady That is so funny!

There is a real thing about loos on Mumsnet smile

hugoagogo Sat 23-Feb-13 19:42:29

I always feel the need to go in tkmaxx when perusing the tupperware. <true fact>

Passmethecrisps Sat 23-Feb-13 19:44:56

An apple lasts about 5 minutes in my DH's system. We have frequent urgent dashes to loos - he considers himself something of a loo connoisseur.

I absolutely love that moomin's husband was 'thinking about leopards'. He sounds awesome.

Moominlandmidwinter Sat 23-Feb-13 20:06:35

I have told him more than once that I would like to live inside his mind for one day.

toddlerama Sat 23-Feb-13 20:20:23

moomin your DH reminds me of another MNer who never got to go to the toilet alone because her DD kept coming in to talk about animals. There was a misunderstanding on the thread, which led to posters thinking that her DH was the one who kept wandering into the bathroom when she was pooing to "talk about animals". The thought still makes me snigger.

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 21:00:16

moom 'dh was thinking about leopards' superb!! :-D

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 21:02:50

willes - it didn't literally go through me within minutes, i had eaten the orange about 1/2 an hour or so ago. if one reacts badly to something it can go through the system rather quickly

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 21:07:23

countrykitten you sound rather sour and up yourself. of course the orange doesn't literally go in ones mouth and come out the other end. a hour give or take of digesting something that doesn't agree with you can most certainly have reactions. even though not the same thing, my dd has a serious allergy to nuts and raw egg. if she were to accidentally eat something with raw egg in ie mouse/mayonaise, she will have a terrible tummy upset (to name just one of the reactions) within 15 minutes or so. my post was light hearted, aimed at other posters who have at some point experienced something similarly excrutiating. people rarely share such awful experiences, clearly a post such as mine doesn't appeal to uptight opinionated superior posters such as yourself. yawn

digerd Sat 23-Feb-13 21:24:05

Been laughing with tears in my ears at a lot of posts. But ThegreyLady made me laugh the most.
And the typical bloke's remark " Blimey you sound as if you needed that, mate" - they think nothing of these bodily functions. Can you imagine a woman saying that to a stranger in the loo?
And the woman in the next toilet spraying perfume .
I can't stop laughing !!
Luckily, I can't remember how long ago it was that i had to do a poo in a public loo. It was always so embarrassing when it didn't flush properly.

I think it must be easier to poo in public loos if you are a male digerd. sad

BreadForMyBREADGUN Sat 23-Feb-13 21:32:05

Is this what the poo troll looks like? grin

digerd Sat 23-Feb-13 21:46:36

Oh yes, Sparkling it was your DH - I've just burst out laughing again.

ShoutyHead Sat 23-Feb-13 21:53:08

For those saying food can't go through you so quickly, perhaps not if you have normal bowel functions. However prior to surgery my body used to simply reject certain foods.

If I ate takeaway pizza from one shop I knew I had to be near a toilet because 15 minutes later I would be running to the toilet and the explosions were epic.

I was a living breathing poo troll. However a botched c section knicked my twisted bowel and found the problem grin

Illgetmegoat Sat 23-Feb-13 22:08:25

Winter - please don't feed your DD a mouse sad that would give anyone the squits!

I have Crohn's and toilet shyness - this is a combination I wouldn't wish on anyone. However, I now have a sphincter of steel due to sheer force of anxious will power <insert bumsex joke here>. I also have a great 'penguin on a hot rock' walk for those tricky times.
I have had to use shop loos to do terrible burning acid poos before now and have hidden, in silence, until the room was empty before sneaking out and blending into the crowd because I am pathetic.

I rarely go into Marks now because I always have a terrible experience in their toilets - one was a poor elderly lady that had pooed her knickers and it was all up the stall wall (she got it everywhere trying to remove her soiled goods poor lamb) and was in the cubicle forlornly doing that quiet shout 'can someone help me please? Can anyone help me?' she was very embarrassed, luckily my shame empathy helped us both out even though I nearly got collared for stealing some big pants and a new skirt to take to her. The next was getting hit on my bare ankle by the next door cubicle's used tampon - it took a second to recover from that. The third was walking in to a woman copiously vomiting in the sink and it splahed down my sleeve. Fourth was sitting waiting for my mother when some women started to use the sinks for blowing out all the snot in their bodies, blocking one nostril and blowing down the other, for several minutes; then wiping their faces, doing their make up and leaving the sink, side and mirrors covered in snot and spit. I was sat there at 7m pregnant just gently retching and weeping to myself and the cleaner was looking at me like we'd been through some kind of horrific experience together - we were snot sisters. I did help her clean up though and bought her a cuppa. Jeez I could go on - always M&S, always awful, your emergency, actually in the toilet poo wouldn't phase me at all!

fuckwittery Sat 23-Feb-13 22:11:09

Loo paper down first to mask plop sound and flush as you plop. helps with unpleasant smell as well. It's a loo though, people kind of expect people to take a shit in them? Poo with pride woman!

JeeanieYuss Sat 23-Feb-13 22:44:20

Haven't read whole of thread but toilet roll in the loo before you 'drop' <snigger> is your friend, pile it up high n it masks the sound!
I used to suffer from I.b.s, so I feel your pain..

JeeanieYuss Sat 23-Feb-13 22:45:09

Teach me to not read whole thread, fuckwittery beat me to it smile

Fakebook Sat 23-Feb-13 22:55:30

I've never pooed in a public toilet ever. After reading this thread I am so thankful for that!

HumanDancer Sat 23-Feb-13 22:57:02

Toilet roll in the bowl masks the plop but not the explosion sounds.

wintertimeisfun Sat 23-Feb-13 23:04:16

fuck 'poo with pride' smile Illge i don't think i will ever look at m&s in the same way again! blimey. i can't believe women 'blowing' their noses into the sinks in a public place AND not washing it away and that poor lady who had messed herself. not sure how i would have reacted but i would like to think i would have done as you did, i probably would have in knowing what i am like. i have suffered acute panic attacks all my life. one of the main symptoms for me has always affected my needing to go urgently. made for some interesting moments over the years.

Illgetmegoat Sat 23-Feb-13 23:16:40

Winter - with my Crohn's any kind of strong emotion - getting anxious, stressed, angry or in one case blush blush luckily with DH, an amazing orgasm - has made my bowel play silly beggars and it's horrible. I have total sympathy - it's quite hard trying to explain the anxious/need the loo/more anxiety re situation/need loo more catch 22 to someone that has either never had it or just poos freely wherever! My DH now quantifies my crossness with 'are you angry angry or shit the bed angry?' lol, not that I have ever done that but most of our few arguments are enacted through the bathroom door!

Seriously, don't go to Marks' - we couldn't believe it either but I guess some people have no shame about anything!

I used to always get an upset tummy from broccoli cheddar soup at this local cafe - which happens to be the only damned soup my kids will touch, and a favourite meal, so I got used to having 30 minutes to get home before losing it. Once it was even faster than normal, and I could barely walk the few blocks home, clenching and stopping every few paces and trying to stagger back before losing all control.

I made it, slowly and excruciatingly, up the two flights of stairs to my front door. I was starting to feel safe - I was there! So close... I unlocked the door and was about to run in, when it didn't open. My bastard husband had double locked it. I can never open the bottom lock in less than five minutes.

I should have made him wash my clothes >:-(

Jacksmania Sun 24-Feb-13 05:58:46

It's a toilet. People don't queue up in a loo and expect to hear the sound of angels singing...

grin grin grin

scratchandsniff Sun 24-Feb-13 08:56:48

I've been crying with laughter at these.

For some reason the concentration of picking out a birthday card is guaranteed to get me doing the 'poo jig' to the nearest loos.

This will probably out me if she reads mumsnet - on a trip to London with a friend to visit another friend we walked along the south bank and had some lunch and then went for a wander. My friend bought some of those warm honey peanuts sold by a street seller on one of the bridges. Shortly after we were on the tube. Approx 10mins in to the journey I looked up at her and she'd gone deathly pale and had beads of sweat on her brow. Through staring intently and sign language of a sort (packed carriage) we deciphered that she felt unwell. The next stop was Euston station. We got onto the platform where poor friend collapsed on to the platform clutching her tummy. Oh god we thought this looks really bad. She managed to mouth that she needed to get to a loo NOW. We managed to prop her up and help her up the escalator. I stood behind her as feared an accident would be imminent all the while thinking it was not good that she had on pale trousers. We just about got her into a toilet cubicle after paying 10p. She was in there for nearly 2 hours. Whenever we checked her we were retching with the stench. Other people walked in and promptly walked out. One of us was despatched to boots to buy wet wipes. We seriously wondered how on earth we were going to get her home. It was awful at the time as she was so violently ill so quickly, but we do all chuckle about it now. We think it must have been the nuts. Oh and this is a friend who normally only poops once a week.

rockofages Sun 24-Feb-13 09:47:14

Hilarious thread. At the end of a dinner party with dh's work colleagues and wives ( who I did not know well) I decided to go to the downstairs loo before the drive home. Needed to go but struggling and all guests chose that moment to come and stand in hall right outside loo door. I was in there a while as gone beyond point of no return. Cue noisy splashes. Flushed loo three times, having to wait for cistern to refill each time, to try to get rid of persistent floater. Really embarrassed by now and dh making unhelpful comments, giggles from other guests. Floater still in toilet bowl so what's a girl to do? Picked floater out, wrapped it in loo paper and put it in my handbag! Emerged red-faced into hall and said thanks, goodbye, made a hasty exit. Moral of the story - always take your bag into the loo.

Imaginethat Sun 24-Feb-13 11:35:25

You took your poo home in your bag? Really?! Wow.

My brother's girlfriend had a poo attack on a bus in India and had to rip bits off her dress to clean up as they hurtled along...

redandyellowandpinkandgreen Sun 24-Feb-13 15:22:33

This is the best thread ever grin

WildThong Sun 24-Feb-13 15:49:43

I love a good poo thread.

It's happened to the best of us. For me it was in Queen St station in Glasgow, I was beyond desperate the cold sweat running down my back and tummy doing somersaults. I managed to shimmy to the loos without moving my bum to discover a frikkin TURNSTYLE and coin entry. Correct Change only of course!

Made it to the cubicle but unfortunately not the actual pan. Floor and walls looked like CSI Investigation, spatter everywhere. Pants and tights ruined so stuck them in the sanitary bin. Talk about the walk of shame, that was a cold journey home. And draughty. I will never forget it so totally sympathise when it happens to others.

wintertimeisfun Sun 24-Feb-13 17:50:43

my dh is awful when it comes to hogging the loo. i am perimenopausal and as one of the many symptoms, so i have been told/read, find it hard to keep No. 1 in at times. point is, if i need to go i must go. fair few times i have as of late had an accident once i have come home and put my key in the lock. can't get there quick enough. odd really as i manage to hold it in for however long but mentally as soon as the front door opens it seems my mind connects with my bladder. dh thinks this is all funny which at times it is but not very practical (or charming). have been tempted with some nappy pads smile

Moominlandmidwinter Sun 24-Feb-13 18:53:02

This thread is so funny! I have been getting some weird looks. I will never, ever use M&S toilets. Have just remembered another story.

I was 14, and had just got home from school. Unfortunately, I realised that I'd left my key behind that morning, and parents wouldn't be home for at least an hour. Then I realised that I quite desperately needed a poo. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't do a wildy, as my parents garden goes around the side of the house, is fenced but still quite exposed. There was no option, to ask the miserable bastard next door if I could use his loo. He reluctantly showed me to his spider-ridden outside toilet. The relief was immense, but of course there was no toilet paper. I had to wipe with my pants and socks, then hid them in my school bag until I could bury them in the wheelie bin.

Kaida Sun 24-Feb-13 19:15:38

To the posters who queried it, of course food doesn't go through that quickly, but the gastro-intestinal reflex can certainly make it seem like it has! It's that reflex that's often a bit squiffy in IBS sufferers. Common triggers are fatty foods, caffeine, insoluble fibre and stress. I'm really happy to be reminded it's not just me who goes hot and cold and panics whilst calculating distance to the nearest loo. That said, my IBS has been better recently (touch wood) since starting some hypnotherapy.

flangledoodle Sun 24-Feb-13 19:21:02

Am loving this thread, my 7 and 10 yr olds keep insisting I tell them what I'm laughing about and have had to dispatch one to go and get my inhaler as all the laughing has set me off wheezing. Class.

pinkyredrose Sun 24-Feb-13 19:43:56

When I was about 13 I had a morning paper round. I overslept one day so just threw clothes on and ran out the door.

Halfway through delivering papers I suddenly needed a wee really badly, it was actually painful. In my 13yr old wisdom I decided to take the opportunity to pee in someones porch. Halfway through a monumental piss the porch door opened and the house owner walked in!

I literally ran pulling my jeans up as I went. I gave up the paper round after that

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 24-Feb-13 19:44:30

Nothing too embarrassing really but I once blocked my friend's loo in her studio apartment style student residence. She was right outside the bathroom on her bed. The poo was Lodged in the tiny u bend and I flushed and flushed and in the end, had to shove it with the loo brush. Then rinse the brush with another flush... When I came out I was shaking! I said, "er, I blocked, er..." and had to lie down for a rest!! She just said "was it a big one?" grin

I am the type who struggles to poo anywhere but at home, which = constipation whenever I travel away from home... Not good!

angelelle Sun 24-Feb-13 21:20:33

This thread has given me a much needed laugh so had to add my story. I was travelling with a female friend...a car road trip. Anyway, the whole trip I had been going on about how beautiful it was and another time I would love to do the same trip with a romantic partner. At the time I used to suffer from a bit of IBS. So suddenly got an attack and we were literally in the middle of no where. I tried to hold it in until we made it back to the hotel but was getting the sweats and knew there was no hope. I had to yell at her to stop the car. Not a tree in sight and I literally just made it into a field where I just 'let go'. Tbh the owner of the field must have thought a herd of cows had just been through by the time I'd finished. Got back into the car and said to my friend 'I'm so glad I wasn't travelling with a boyfriend'. Lol. I actually have a much worse poo story than this but that one is definitely TMI!!

BlackholesAndRevelations Sun 24-Feb-13 21:24:27

Angelelle- I'm afraid you have no choice but to tell us the tmi story! grin

beeny Sun 24-Feb-13 21:34:09

Golders Green Pizza outlet.I had horrific stomach upset,marched into the restaurant and went to the toilet only after i finished did i see the out of order sign.I still feel bad.

digerd Sun 24-Feb-13 21:38:20

I laughed so much - oh dear, how embarrassing.

beeny Sun 24-Feb-13 21:40:05

It happened 18 years ago i still remember the sweats and the flush that didnt work!

angelelle Sun 24-Feb-13 21:41:56

I accidentally took a dump on my dining room table blush I've said too much. I've only told about two people this.

So anyways, had a bit of a wild fling a few years back and we ended up doing it on the dining room table and by it I mean that which is apparently illegal in some states. So anyways, after the deed was done we went back into the bedroom. Then when he was leaving I remembered I wanted to show him my new flat screen tv and took him back into the lounge "all proud" and there, to my horror, in the middle of the dining room table, was a turd. I was mortified and have no idea how this happened but somewhere along the way I must have lost control. I hurried him out the door and cleaned the table THOROUGHLY (although it did give me a slight kick when I had people over for dinner after that that they had no idea what that table had seen).

God I feel dirty having just written that...

beeny Sun 24-Feb-13 21:44:28

How do u know it was yours?

angelelle Sun 24-Feb-13 21:48:34

From our positioning...although I guess he could have gone out during the night and marked his territory, lol. But no, I'm pretty sure it was mine!

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Sun 24-Feb-13 21:50:09

Angelelle - shock grin That was a wild fling indeed. Did you see the bloke again? Did he not notice the turd when it made its appearance?

BiteTheTopsOffIcedGems Sun 24-Feb-13 21:55:05

I can believe someone can eat something and it can cause poo problems right away.
I ate some strong cheese at my in-laws caravan and it practically shot out the other end within minutes taking every bit of poo with it.
On the plus side I did feel like I had been away for a posh detox and spa weekend rather than a rainy weekend in Cornwall.

angelelle Sun 24-Feb-13 21:59:25

I did see him again and we are still in touch as friends but we have never spoken of the turd I say, only told two people in RL although they both almost wet themselves laughing when I told them grin

Crying with laughter here!! Heavily pregnant and terribly constipated I wish hit some blessed relief!! Still confused about the turd in the table <innocent>

wintertimeisfun Sun 24-Feb-13 22:20:11

i can't believe the thread i have started, so proud smile. i remember doing a bit of a poo when trying to push dd out, funny the things you remember, i even remember one of the midwifes wiping it away. not exactly the same thing

wintertimeisfun Sun 24-Feb-13 22:21:59

i don't know about doing a poo with having sex but i have passed wind a few times much to my laughter and dh's disgust :-D

pinkyredrose Sun 24-Feb-13 22:22:52

angelelle grin your story has made my day!

WildThong Sun 24-Feb-13 23:02:34

Angelelle grin
Poo and bum sex, two for the price of one!!

Goober Sun 24-Feb-13 23:11:28

Don't worry about it.
Last time I was in London with DD I pooed, very noisily in M & M World's toilet.
I have no shame.
Those people will never hear smell see me again.

Quilty Sun 24-Feb-13 23:18:00

Somehow this story is so much funnier because it happened in waitrose grin just imagining a queue of so of the snobby types I see in my local waitrose and their faces when they realise someone has done a poo! Brilliant!

NC78 Mon 25-Feb-13 07:24:00

Quilty grin Yes, you are only allowed to do fragrant and dainty plops in the waitrose toilets. If you want to do a poo that stinks then go to ASDA.

Forevergirl Mon 25-Feb-13 08:41:48

Had to add my friends embarrassing poo story.

She met at lad and went back to his, he was in uni halls. Thenext morning he went to his lectures and told her to have a shower, get ready ect and let her self out (automatic locking doors)
Anyway she needed the toilet massive poo wouldn't flush, so she found a carrier bag and fished it out. Carried on getting ready collected her things (or so she thought) left the halls to remember that she had left said carrier bag on his bed and could get back in.

digerd Mon 25-Feb-13 09:11:31

That's why in the olden days we were given bowel flushings up our backsides at the first sign of labour.

tunise Mon 25-Feb-13 09:32:17

After a shit night at work, these stories have cheered me up no end, love the poo in carrier bag one, what the hell did he make of that i wonder?

Iheartpasties Mon 25-Feb-13 10:01:09

poo stories on mumsnet always always cheer me up. I hope this one ends up in classics like the others smile

angelelle Mon 25-Feb-13 15:13:09

Forever I also have a friend who had a similar experience at uni but she actually had to take a dump in a plastic bypassed the whole loo bit

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