To announce he's going out to watch rugby tomorrow isn't very nice

(124 Posts)
1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 17:38:37

maybe he should ask

I've lost perspective here, but I don't think it's very caring or thoughtful

MammaTJ Sat 23-Feb-13 17:40:21

My DP announced this afternoon he was going to go and watch his mates play football. I told him he could go once he had washed the dishes if he also took the DC with him.

I made a start on tidying our bedroom and enjoyed the peace.

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 17:40:58

huh?

SkinnybitchWannabe Sat 23-Feb-13 17:41:31

I wouldn't ask my dh for permission to go/do anything and I wouldn't expect him to ask for mine.

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 17:42:15

oh this is an adult partner we are taalking about? i thought it was a child. otherwise why would he need to ask if he could go and watch rugby? confused

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:42:54

Assume you have DC's?

Are you a SAHM?

How often does he go out without the family?

Personally, i like to be asked, or for things to be run by me, in a sort of "i'm planning to do this, that Ok with you", just as i wouldmif it were the otherbway round.

sausagesandwich34 Sat 23-Feb-13 17:43:04

you expect him to ask permission?

YABU

unless there is some mitiagting reason why he should stay at home with you which you may or may not drip feed further along the thread

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:43:35

You get the gist....

ShatnersBassoon Sat 23-Feb-13 17:44:25

Do you ask permission to do things?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:46:33

This topic divided MN. There will be accusations of controllingness......

Personally, i think anything that results in m plans having to be modified, or an assumption made about me being available to look after our children does seem a bit rude, if it is announced last minute

FreyaFridays Sat 23-Feb-13 17:47:29

Can't really understand couples who feel the need to demand "permission" from one another to do things. But then, I don't have DCs, maybe it's different. Although, I know couples without DCs who are still like that...

goldenlula Sat 23-Feb-13 17:47:54

I don't think permission needs to be sort, but if you have children, one partner 'announcing' that they are going to watch rugby or whatever is in effect stating 'you will be looking after the children'. For this reason, a conversation should take place in the way of , do we have plans for tomorrow, I thought I might go and watch the rugby ect, rather than oh by the way I am going out tomorrow.

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 17:48:44

jamie we dont even know yet who 'he' is in relation to OP or whether there are children, never mind how/when it was 'announced' (or did he just say in a normal manner?).

HoHoHoNoYouDont Sat 23-Feb-13 17:49:09

If you have children one of you cannot expect just to take off without consulting the other, that's not fair in my book. It would be fairer to 'run it by' the other person first to check they're ok with looking after the kids.

I agree with the OP, it's not very caring or thoughtful. Nothing to do with asking permission.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:49:18

To me, itmis more subtle that asking permission. It's more like letting the other person know ahead of time and making sure they have no competing plans. Communicating.

Euphemia Sat 23-Feb-13 17:49:39

I wish my DH would go out sometimes! Fecker never goes anywhere apart from work!

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 17:50:18

"we dont even know yet who 'he' is in relation to OP "

what i mean is we dont know if it's a boyfriend she met 2 weeks ago, a husband or a partner who lives in france.

MrsKeithRichards Sat 23-Feb-13 17:50:36

Asking no. Running by yes.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:50:44

Boohoyy

Imknow. I asked upthread.admit i am assuming. Myncomments above relate to me, really.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:51:02

Bloody ipad

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 17:51:47

sought not sort.

squeakytoy Sat 23-Feb-13 17:51:59

confused

ShatnersBassoon Sat 23-Feb-13 17:52:07

I think the assumption is that you can say if it's impossible or inconvenient when your partner states their intentions. He didn't say "I'm going out to watch rugby tomorrow, and nothing you say will stop me" did he?

Pagwatch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:52:37

If the op is Mrs Inversale she is being unreasonable.

Pagwatch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:53:19

Inverdale.

<rolls eyes >

goldenlula Sat 23-Feb-13 17:55:02

blush should read before posting!

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:56:43

I think op needs to put us out of our misery before we all typonourselves to death

HecateWhoopass Sat 23-Feb-13 17:56:51

When you say ask do you mean ask permission to go or ask out of politeness whether or not you have plans or whether it's convenient for you etc?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sat 23-Feb-13 17:57:01

Blooby sausage fingers

PurplePidjin Sat 23-Feb-13 17:59:51

Depends how it's done, really.

"Sweetheart, some of the lads are meeting at the pub to watch the match later. Thought i might join them, unless you've got a better idea?"

Would have me responding

"Have fun, darling"

"Right I'm off to the pub, don't wait up"

Would elicit

"Oi, what the fuck?!"

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 18:01:16

agree jamie and pidjin

OHforDUCKScake Sat 23-Feb-13 18:04:18

Exactly Purple, if we were altogether on the weekend and DP suddenly got up, put his shoes on and said 'Right Im going out to the rugby.' Id be hmm and pissed off.

If he'd mentioned it before hand, the night before or something then no problem, I can arrange to do something just me and the kids, or he could take one or both of the kids.

Its curtious to disuss these things. Its a bit harsh to upsticks and leave with no prior warning.

Ashoething Sat 23-Feb-13 18:07:27

I would expect my dh to run it by me if he was planning on going out-as I do with him. I make sure I get him to put my nights out in his diary though as I know he never bloody listens to a word I saygrin

GirlOutNumbered Sat 23-Feb-13 18:07:43

It would be weird for my DH just to get up and say 'I'm going out to watch the rugby'.... I mean, he's at the rugby now but he told me about last week, I think it's fine to say he's going out tomorrow... Unless you have already made plans or something!

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 18:14:35

OP? hello? anyone there?

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 18:14:55

He is dh
Yes we have a ds

He just came in and told me

Not "do we have any plans?"
Not "would you mind?"

No discussion, done deal

Tbh, im glad he's going out, but I'm just annoyed with the way he did it, he just seems to do what he wants

If I wanted to go out for lunch, or even do something by myself for half an hour, then it would take a lot of organisation--for him to look after his son

DH probably would say "I'm off to do this tomorrow" but would then follow that with "as long as that's OK with you"....so I guess that's different.

It would be more likely to be me going to watch the rugby though....I'm watching it now and he's not interested grin

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 18:20:45

so OP you start 'announcing' things too. if it's ok for him to do it;s ok for you to do. just plan to do stuff and dont tell him til the day before, let him organise ds.

MaryMotherOfCheeses Sat 23-Feb-13 18:24:29

You just need to do it OP.

Tell him you're going out. Not tomorrow, he's already bagsied it.

But why on earth should it be a lot of organisation for him to look after his own son? He needs to get used to it and you need to facilitate that.

PurplePidjin Sat 23-Feb-13 18:27:52

Then hibu and, depending on how old ds is, i would do the same to him tomorrow. Shoes on and walk round the block for 10 minutes, or shopping/coffee with a newspaper/gym for longer.

Ds is 3mo and ebf (feels like hourly hmm) and dp can entertain him for half an hour while i soak in the bath if we time it right. It's good for their relationship!

OHforDUCKScake Sat 23-Feb-13 18:34:12

OP YANBU.

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 21:32:09

Ah, fuck him
Just had big row about the cheese that's gone off in the fridge
I've been at my mums all week, apparently I should have known.
Think he wanted me to eat everything before I went
Its mozzarella, he eats it, not me
How I an supposed to be responsible for eating his cheese when I'm not fucking here, I don't know

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 21:33:37

And he's too hot
FFS

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 21:38:16

And he's annoyed that my dad hasn't booked in the whisky tour that he bought him for Xmas
Yes, buy someone a nice Xmas present and then bug them to book it

BarbarianMum Sat 23-Feb-13 21:41:11

He rowed with you over cheese - did it attack him when he opened the fridge door or something??? Did he find it in his suit pocket???

Can you think of 5 really good things about him, just off the top of your head?

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 21:43:26

Nope
Cant think of one thing actually

IsThatTrue Sat 23-Feb-13 21:44:08

confused

ISeeRedPeople Sat 23-Feb-13 21:50:14

There's more to this than rugby and cheese isn't there.

Am failing to understand why gone off cheese can't be binned...

I'm with the 'running by yes, asking no' crowd

GreenEggsAndNichts Sat 23-Feb-13 22:09:14

Not sure I understand people bristling at the idea of asking. I mean, is it not just common courtesy? The inference is, of course, that someone is expected to stay behind and mind the children. Or, perhaps there are other plans which have been forgotten, so you phrase potential plans in the form of a question.

DH and I regularly say "oh there's XYZ happening on Tuesday, is that alright?" or whatever. Neither of us is controlling, but also, neither of us is prepared to leave the 4 yr old in charge of the house, either. smile

Anyway, OP, yes it does sound as if something else is wrong. sad I'm sorry.

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 22:48:25

Seriously
I can't believe the nonsense row
But he couldn't see it
The mozzarella was 2 days over, not like it was green

I've been away since Sunday, apparently, as I knew I would be away I either shouldn't have bought the cheese, or told him when to eat it

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 22:49:39

you both sound immature.

would it have been very difficult for him to remove the cheese from the fridge and bin it?

why are you with him? (not allowed to say the baby)

Illustrationaddict Sat 23-Feb-13 22:58:18

My dh is away for boys weekend watching rugby. Have to say don't mind him going as he never minds when I want to go out with my girly mates. We do 'consult' each other though, but isn't that just common curtesy, plus we have dc to consider. My mum (whos been married over 40 yrs) always says 'the looser the noose, the tighter the bond' and think she might be right

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 23:00:55

Immature? confused interesting

He did bin the cheese, but made a huge fuss and blamed me

I don't know why I'm with him

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 23:07:20

well does it sound mature to you? does it feel mature when you are getting wound up over things like him going to rugby and him getting wound up over cheese?

1991all Sat 23-Feb-13 23:12:35

Well I'm very glad that you think it's nothing, and I'm overreacting

I think he's completely out of order just telling me he's going out tomorrow, with no discussion

And I think getting unbelievably irate over out of date cheese is completely unreasonable

Creamtea1 Sat 23-Feb-13 23:17:01

He sounds a bit mental about the cheese.
As for the going out, I don't know. Are you a SAHM? If so I thought it kind of gives them license to do what they want?

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 23:20:08

no you're not glad and that is an immature response.

yes his behaviour over the cheese is ridiculous. i did say i think he is immature aswell as you.

do you think you play no part in the relationship WRT the shit communication?

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 23:21:26

creamtea are you serious? you think the employed partner should have no respect for the SAH partner?

MortifiedAdams Sat 23-Feb-13 23:24:36

Why cant you just walk in one day and say "im off out to such and such tomorrow"as he has done with you?

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 23-Feb-13 23:25:03

Getting irate over cheese is unreasonable.

Cheese does not matter on the great scale of life,
Nobody ever died because cheese 2 days over its use by date was sat in the fridge,
Nobody ever got bombed over cheese,
Its just cheese.

Cheese is not really that important even if you are a mouse.

Expecting an adult to ask permission to go out it also unreasonable.

BUT asking the other parent of your child if they need you to be available for the care of that child and if the answer is no,then stating you are going on a outing is far more polite than just making yourself unavailable

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 23-Feb-13 23:26:32

Cream tea.

That's a joke isn't it?

Creamtea1 Sat 23-Feb-13 23:27:46

Sorry that came across wrong. Going from close friends setup - she is SAHM - her DH goes to the pub without fail every Sunday (daytime) and they have a kind of unspoken agreement that that's the way it is as she is lucky enough to he a SAHM. She is fine about it, but of course if there's ever a special occasion etc on a Sunday then he misses the pub which he is fine with. I work FT and no, my DH does not go to the pub every Sunday and if he did I would have a lot to say about it.
I still don't think I've got that across very well but it is late!

mercibucket Sat 23-Feb-13 23:30:00

op, it all goes mental on mn at this time on a saturday night. ignore those who think sahp should just suck it up or that it is immature to be pissed off at being lumbered with childcare without a thought. sounds like there is more to it than this though

mercibucket Sat 23-Feb-13 23:32:46

anyhow wrt tomorrow, how nice that he and his baby ds can bond over the rugby grin
make sure you go out nice and early so they can enjoy the full day together

GreenEggsAndNichts Sat 23-Feb-13 23:33:05

aw that's nice. It's a bonus for that lucky gal, being allowed to be a SAHM- she gets an extra afternoon alone with the kids! whee!

Booyhoo Sat 23-Feb-13 23:35:04

it really depends tbh. OP if he knew you both had no plans for sunday and that you would be at home then saying he was going to watch rugby isn't UR in my book. if it turned out you had something planned, surely you would just say "actually i had planned to go into town with mum (or whatever)" and if he still insisted on going to teh rugby then he would have been UR but not if he knew there were no other plans for sunday and that you would be in.

MerryCouthyMows Sat 23-Feb-13 23:48:19

Cream tea - does your friend have 'doormat' or 'mug' tattooed on her forehead? Is she ok with her husband having traveled in time from the 1950's?

BackforGood Sat 23-Feb-13 23:55:19

What Booyhoo said ^

Creamtea1 Sun 24-Feb-13 00:02:20

Nevermind! Shouldn't have bothered. I would love to be able to be a SAHM and would feel v grateful to my DH if I could, just saying.

middleeasternpromise Sun 24-Feb-13 00:04:27

I too am apparently managing director of the fridge, apparently its in the small print that if you buy the stuff you have to tell everyone else when to eat it and when they do you should have know instinctively to replenish. If you find a training course out there for fridge management could you let me know as Im failing miserably in this area - I dont eat half the stuff requested (although I do buy it) I go for the longest shelf life date but dont do a routine stock check every morning ....hmmm maybe thats where Im going wrong!

Suspect OPs OH plans for the weekend and fridge debacle are related to being otherwise pissed off about something else. Rugby without notification is a bit of a middle finger and fridge is just in case you didnt get that he was pissed. Did he not like the fact that you were at your mothers?

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 00:05:23

why would you feel grateful to your DH? you would be the one sacrifing your salary, your pension, your career, your childfree days. he would be gaining free childcare and his partner taking on more of the housework meaning he had less to do.

ilovesooty Sun 24-Feb-13 00:11:15

I agree with Booyhoo The general communication in your relationship sounds pretty poor on both sides, and yes - I also think you both sound immature.

Backtobedlam Sun 24-Feb-13 00:14:53

YANBU, its polite to ask not just tell someone you are off somewhere. Without dc's I'd still have asked, but with them its essential as the other person then has their choices limited.

Cheese argument is crazy, he sounds a tad deranged on that front.

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 07:41:27

How am I immature when he comes in and announces that he's off to the rugby?
We didn't argue about it, I didn't moan or give him a hard time

And I come down from putting ds to bed, into a massive rant about the cheese?!!
How am I immature there?
All I did was try to point out that he was being ridiculous

As for my response being immature, I was trying to be sarcastic

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 07:44:29

And how can he possibly know what plans I might have had?
He's never asked

TobyLerone Sun 24-Feb-13 07:47:27

So you didn't even express your displeasure to him, instead deciding to moan about the situation to randoms on the Internet?

Yep. Immature.

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 08:01:59

Yes, I came here to ask for opinions as to whether it was normal as I felt so confused by his attitude
The fact is I don't care if he's going out, I wasn't going to get involved in an argument about it, that would have been immature.

I do care that he seems to be taking the piss, expecting me to be here 24/7
I have been with ds 24/7 for 2 weeks now, he was sick, I was sick. Not much fun
I actually felt like he was trying to start a fight

JollyYellowGiant Sun 24-Feb-13 08:04:14

I really think the issue is not about cheese or rugby watching, OP. Both of which seem minor but are clearly part of a far bigger issue.

Euphemia Sun 24-Feb-13 08:05:14

There's obviously more going on in your relationship than rugby and cheese.

The normal response to "I'm going to the rugby tomorrow" would have been "Oh, okay, but it would have been nice if you'd run it by me first in case I had plans."

Your response was to get angry enough to come on MN, yet you were unable to voice your displeasure to DH. Why? Are you scared of him?

Euphemia Sun 24-Feb-13 08:08:58

expecting me to be here 24/7

There's the rub! There's nothing confusing about his attitude - it's crystal clear. He's taking the piss: he sees himself as a free agent, and you as his domestic servant.

Time for a proper grown up talk, when you're both calm. Check the fridge for Use By dates before proceeding. wink

PurplePidjin Sun 24-Feb-13 08:12:10

Toby, have you really never been so baffled by a situation that you can no longer distinguish what's ok and what isn't? I have, and i think the op's there right now!

1991all, i suggest you report your post and ask mnhq to move the whole thread to relationships for advice rather than opinions smile

ISeeRedPeople Sun 24-Feb-13 08:44:05

I'm a bit funny about cheese, I like to have loads of different types available just in case I want them. I don't care if it goes off tbh, I just cut the bad bits off. Cheese is already decayed before you start with it!

I could show your DH my fridge situation and suddenly yours would look a lot more organised.

kim147 Sun 24-Feb-13 09:19:45

In a relationship - especially with DCs, it's kind of nice to check with the OH to see if they don't mind you going off for the afternoon. Rather than spending family time together or doing more important things around the house.

A balance in life between doing "you" things, family things and giving your partner their time is really important. Just communication and not expectation. Or else resentment builds up.

BarbarianMum Sun 24-Feb-13 09:53:18

I realise this thread has gone quiet but, just for the record, I fail to see why the OP is being 'immature' here.

IsItMeOr Sun 24-Feb-13 10:25:20

I don't understand why the OP is being given a hard time over this.

I also don't see that in being irritated over this, and confused by the general situation, that she's being immature.

I'm also in awe of the number of posters who apparently never say anything other than what is a totally mature and adult response. What's your secret?

OP, that would have hacked me off, but DH would never have done it. He would be desperate to spend time with DS after 2 weeks away (although that's never happened - weekend away is longest). Sounds to me like you may not be in a great place in your relationship at the mo. Perhaps post on the relationship threads if you want some broader advice.

FiveGoMadInDorset Sun 24-Feb-13 10:30:07

He did ask though he said, and I quote you, do we have any plans? I presume if you had said yes then he wouldn't have gone.

ISeeRedPeople Sun 24-Feb-13 10:33:30

I also think OP is getting an unreasonably hard time.

I think saying 'do we have plans?' And then when answer is no just saying you're off out is subtly different to confirming that the OP doesn't mind being on her own on a Sunday with the DCs.

Goldenhedgehog Sun 24-Feb-13 10:40:35

Creamtea your mate's husband has got her right where he wants her hasn't he?

To my mind, the person doing all the childcare/housework during the week should be the person who is more entitled to go out at the weekend, not the other way around. Rather than continuing their weekday work into the weekend.

Being the partner who goes to work and gets childcare sorted and housework done doesn't entitle someone to do whatever they like at weekends. That's not a partnership. confused

Goldenhedgehog Sun 24-Feb-13 10:41:36

Oh, and OP, sounds like there's more to it, but you are right, either partner just announcing they are going out is inconsiderate.

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 11:11:40

OP your manner on here comes across as immature.

and to the poster who is in awe of others behaving in an adult and mature manner? well, that's sort of what adults do. or at least it's what they should do. behaving like a child puts you in a childish relationship. why would anyone want that? confused

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 11:12:54

and yes, this isn't about cheese or rugby. you two have a communication problem.

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 11:23:16

Oh fgs

Dorset, he didn't ask, he told me, how can you quote me?
He didn't say "do we have any plans" and I didn't say that

Booyhoo- please explain exactly where I have been immature, either with dh or here

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 11:27:51

i dont think you'd see it if i did TBH.

Blowin Sun 24-Feb-13 11:30:04

Well i think you should try Booyhoo because i am struggling to see how the OP is being immature here too. I think her reactions are perfectly understandable.

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 11:42:43

the whole posting style is immature. the sarky comments to posters, the coming to rant on MN instead of actually speaking to DH and telling him you'd rather he checked whether you had plans before making any himself and then being so pissed off that he continues to do the same thing again and again. the complete failure to accept or even acknowledge that DH alone is not responsible for the state of your relationship even when pointed out to you by lots of other posters.

i understand you came here for a rant, that's what AIBU generally is. but what it also is, is a public forum with real people and real opinions. those people are going to give you their honest opinion to what you post. i've done this. i think you come across as immature and dont seem to actually want to fix this problem in your relationship just whinge about it. fine, it's up to you what you do in your relationship but when people take the time to give you advice it grates a bit when they see you had no intention of solving the problem in the first place.

FeistyLass Sun 24-Feb-13 11:48:42

I don't think you're being immature but I do think your oh is being an arse. He announces he's having a day out, he complains about the cheese and then about your dad not booking his christmas present to your oh's schedule. It does sound like he was looking for a fight.
It also sounds like the tip of the iceberg. A thread on relationships might help you more than an AIBU.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 24-Feb-13 11:50:44

OP he is clearly an arsehole, just leave him.

snuffaluffagus Sun 24-Feb-13 12:01:37

He sounds hard work to be honest. It's not about asking 'permission' it's about considering your partner if you've got kids. Also, the cheese thing is ridiculous.

If you'd enjoy life more without him, you know what to do!

TalkativeJim Sun 24-Feb-13 12:11:16

OP from now on you watch that mozzarella like a HAWK. On the day it goes out of date, BIN IT at literally 12.01 am, make sure he has as small a window as humanly possible to eat it. Then point out to him how caring you are and look all pleased.

StillSeekingSpike Sun 24-Feb-13 12:12:57

< is suddenly very very glad she is single...>

ToomuchWaternotWine Sun 24-Feb-13 12:34:27

Relationships topic would def be better for this, OP.

From what you have said, he sounds like an entitled arse spoiling for a fight, and you sound confused, fed up and belittled. Not immature, just seeking some validation that your feelings in response to his behaviour are normal, and they are, YANBU!!

Booyhoo I think you are probably a lucky women who has never experienced the grinding awfulness of being with someone who is EA, it's very easy to lose sight of what is normal and to find your emotional intelligence defeated. I think the OP is in this situation and is trying to find some support.

LatteLady Sun 24-Feb-13 12:44:32

Firstly, he let you know the day before... it is the time of year for rugby... how much notice did you expect? If you had anticipated going out, when were you going to let him know? Frankly there is nothing in it.

As to the cheese, as others have said, cheese is already mouldy...

Might it be an idea, just to sit down and talk?

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 12:49:06

you couldn't be more wrong toomuch

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 13:05:13

bloody hell

firstly booyhoo- I honestly think you are reading a different thread or for some reason, really have gotten the wrong vibe here.

I posted because I really wanted to know if it was usual in a relationship for a husband or partner to announce that he was going out, with no concern for the rest of the family

the only poster I was sarcastic to was you
"Well I'm very glad that you think it's nothing, and I'm overreacting"

I appreciate that there were a lot of questions after the original op, but my phone died, and it really was only about half an hour before I answered some of the questions

I continued to rant, because more unreasonable things happened since I first posted.
And a couple of posters agreed with you, but were all under the assumption that he had asked, which he hadn't
So I continued to address those posters
You can't actually address every single post, especially on a crappy phone, with a dodgy signal

I think for some reason, I got your back up from the beginning

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 13:08:07

and actually booyhoo, all you have done is confuse the issue

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 13:10:42

so you dont agree you have a communication problem? you cant see that? you think it's all your DH that is the issue?

and yes you were sarcastic to me, that is immature. whether you do it to 1 or 100 posters. cant you see where i might have gotten an immature vibe from?

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 13:11:54

what have i confused? do you mean i have pointed out an issue that you were trying to ignore?

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 13:18:44

er because I asked was he unreasonable to announce he was going out, and somehow I have had to defend myself about being immature

and you called me immature before I was sarcastic to you

yes, I think it's all my DH's issue, for a lot of other reasons, that I haven't even mentioned here

but I wanted to discuss these particular events/issues

1. is it unreasonable for a H to announce he is going out
2. the stupid bloody cheese issue

and I threw in the unreasonableness about my dad's xmas present and the fact that he was moaning about being hot

how is any of that a communication issue of mine?

Phineyj Sun 24-Feb-13 13:19:51

Well, I've certainly learnt not to pick a fight about cheese...it was interesting too...I didn't think mozzarella could go off. Next time buy him Port Salut, no-one would be able to tell.

Actually I like the idea of passive aggressive cheese-based communication.

YANBU OP. And if everyone had rational mature (cheddar) conversations with their OH instead of coming on Mumsnet then there would be no Mumsnet.

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 13:22:04

ok. you dont want to see it, or if you do you dont want to accept it. you two have an issue. drip-feed all you like. it was clear from the OP there was a communication issue. and yes, you do sound immature still, in all your posts.

Viviennemary Sun 24-Feb-13 13:26:19

Asking permission?? Your not his mother. YABU.

Blowin Sun 24-Feb-13 13:29:44

OP I would just ignore booyhoos posts if i were you. As you said, for whatever reason you got her back up from the start of this thread. Her "advice" is not particularly helpful or constructive, so just respond to the posters who are genuinely trying to help you instead of undermining you.

Sorry booyhoo but thats just the way it looks to me.

morethanpotatoprints Sun 24-Feb-13 13:33:07

We never ask each other permission to do anything, we just do it or not. It is proper to communicate though, just in case the other has something planned.
If you have dc then somebody needs to be looking after them, so both can't arrange something that doesn't include dc obviously.
What I don't understand though, if both parents work during the week isn't the weekend priority for family outings and activities? I hear so many parents using the time to do things individually and I think it can put a strain on relationships with a partner and dc.

ilovesooty Sun 24-Feb-13 13:33:13

I don't think it's unhelpful to suggest that both parties are responsible for addressing communication issues.

Booyhoo Sun 24-Feb-13 13:39:41

you dont need to apologise blowin. if that's how it looks to you then that's how it looks to you. you are wrong though. i am not trying to undermine OP. i mistakenly thought that when OP posted, she wanted responses. so i responded to what i thought was the very obvious problem with the whole situation, whuch certainly isn't rugby, cheese or her father's xmas gift. the best advice i've ever had on MN has been the sruff that was hardest to hear. some people dont want to hear the truth and that's fine. but you cannot blame people for posting advice based on what is written by the OP unless the OP has put a disclaimer saying that they dont want helpful advice as they aren't ready to hear it.

mercibucket Sun 24-Feb-13 13:40:26

did he go out, op?

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 13:41:40

priceless!!!

yes, he's gone out

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 20:55:09

He's still out

mercibucket Sun 24-Feb-13 21:03:39

Sorry to hear that, op. Is he doing it to wind you up or prove a point? Not nice, if so. If you are always looking after ds, and getting told off for such crimes as ood cheese, what does he bring to the relationship that makes him worth having around?

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 21:34:03

Tbf, I think he's just having a better time, so I can't blame him

But it does probably mean that he will be tired and grumpy with this start to the wee

notmyproblem Sun 24-Feb-13 22:32:31

OP are you reading any other posts than the ones who are picking a fight with you?

Most people are saying he's an arse and you need to do something about your situation.

You probably knew that already though.

Time to give your relationship a big rethink and either give him an ultimatum to clean up his act or leave him. Or the third option is to stay and put up with it. But if you put up, you have to shut up, there's nothing worse than a woman in a shit relationship who refuses to do anything about it despite all support and advice available to her.

1991all Sun 24-Feb-13 23:00:07

Yes I am, of course, but like one poster said, sometimes it's just confusing

Of course I really know he's a twat, but sometimes you need confirmation

No-one here can help me leave him
That's down to me

pictish Sun 24-Feb-13 23:11:43

OP I hear you loud and clear. I think booyhoo is reading a different thread. I know what you'e saying...picking and prodding and bitching and moaning and speaking to you like shit no doubt.
You have my sympathy...I'll hold your hand. xx

Theshriekingharpy Mon 25-Feb-13 08:36:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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