To be feeling sorry for myself

(44 Posts)
Teahouse Fri 22-Feb-13 22:15:06

Been feeling sad all day.
Posted on Chat this morning asking if people could help pull me out of the doldrums but I got only 1 reply. Made me feel worse.

Long time single mum, very few friends, no partner for over 7 years, recovering from major operation and have another 2 weeks before i can drive, and birthday tomorrow. Usually fine with my single life but this morning on Desert Island Disks, Rod Stewarts 'have I told you lately' was played because this guy loved his wife so much....I have never been loved like that (x husband had affair thought marriage & is with OW) and doubt I ever will be.

Just feel shit and hoped here would provide a bit of support, but it hasn't so far...please cheer me up (but don't tell me I will meet someone, had that for past 7 years and despite Internet dating, haven't got feyond an initial meeting)

BlackStiltonBoots Fri 22-Feb-13 22:20:51

Sorry you are feeling blue today, and got no replies to your other post.

I don't think I'm much good at cheering people up so I'm probably no use here, but I always find a read through some of the threads in classics gives me a giggle and lightens my mood.

Hope you feel better soon.

Well, YANBU, but please don't feel sad. Won't go down the 'you'll find someone' road, but guarantee your DC lovely completely and unconditionally, and more people probably care about you than you're willing to admit to yourself.

If you know what sort of support you'd like from 'the nest of vipers' I guarantee there will be a number of posters on here that will provide it for you.

thanks and wine as an early birthday present. Also, there are any number of threads in here that may raise at least a small grin when you're feeling a bit better.

katkit1 Fri 22-Feb-13 22:22:41

Hope to cheer you up by wishing you a happy birthday for tomorrow

Gah - "...guarantee your DC love you..." blush, and x-posts with Black

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Feb-13 22:22:54

Sorry you're going through a tough time

I don't really know how to cheer you up but perhaps you could jump in on a few threads that interest you?

Happy Birthday for tomorrow wine

OpheliasWeepingWillow Fri 22-Feb-13 22:23:14

Your DC love(s) you smile

Sorry you feel crap. It's not U. Birthdays are overrated if you ask me blush

HoHoHoNoYouDont Fri 22-Feb-13 22:23:37

You don't need someone else to feel complete Teahouse. Immerse yourself in new friendships and interests and you will soon find life is richer.
Don't give up hope of meeting someone though, it may happen when you least expect it but it should never be the main focus in life. Life's too short. Hope you feel brighter soon.

YouTheCat Fri 22-Feb-13 22:23:51

Happy birthday for tomorrow! grin

Avoid bunfighty threads and go for something light-hearted.

AgentZigzag Fri 22-Feb-13 22:24:38

Chat has such a high turnover of threads that it can be a bit like that and make you feel worse than when before you posted if you don't get many replies, try not to take it to heart though smile

Everyone feels like shite sometimes, whatever they've got going on in their lives, but it's whether you think this is just a one off (and you have said you're normally OK) or whether it's something a bit more long term?

Does your happiness depend on being with someone else? Because it sounds like that's what you're saying, that you're craving that cuddled up with someone else in the evening feeling but have met with dead ends when you've tried to find someone.

How old are your DC?

AgentZigzag Fri 22-Feb-13 22:25:57

Oooh, lots of replies while I was typing away, reminding me that I did mean to say happy birthday for tomorrow, honest grin


Vinomcstephens Fri 22-Feb-13 22:26:01

Hey tea sorry you're feeling down - what are you going to do to celebrate your birthday tomorrow then? I really hope you're going to do something nice for yourself, buy yourself a fabulous present and spoil yourself. I completely understand you're feeling low but maybe you can take this as an opportunity to start afresh - you're not with your twunt of an ex, you have lovely DC and hey, the world is your oyster! Sending you birthday thanks and wine

EndoplasmicReticulum Fri 22-Feb-13 22:26:29

Happy Birthday for tomorrow.

This might cheer you up - two minutes of nothing but goats yelling like humans.

racingheart Fri 22-Feb-13 22:28:39

Hey, hello. smile

It's really usual after a big op to feel very down. I think it's something to do with how the painkillers wear off. You need to take very good care of yourself, especially while there's no-one else around to do it for you. Lots of your favourite food and music and dvds.

You say you haven't many friends, but whoever they are, wherever they are, now is the time to call on them. Ask them to come round and cheer you up. If you are really feeling isolated after your op, call a local church, or some of the parents in your DC's classes and ask if they can help. Most people are kind and will make an effort if they can.

These aren't answers to your long term feelings, but for now, until you can get out and about again, plucking up the courage to ask for a small amount of help could really make a difference to how well you recover.

As to feeling better long term, it's such a cliche, but a true one, that people who look after themselves, physically, emotionally, financially, attract others more easily. Maybe you could take some time while you recuperate from the op to think about ways you could start to feel better about yourself, and small (or big) changes you could make in your life, to regain some confidence and pleasure.

And can I boot your ex in the backside on my way out? I despise men who waltz out and leave women on their own to look after the children and make ends meet.

Un MN hugs to you.

mazzi2fly Fri 22-Feb-13 22:29:50

Happy birthday for tomorrow - we share a birthday! I'll be [cough] 31 21! Hope you enjoy your day!

MrsMushroom Fri 22-Feb-13 22:31:30

OP I am lonely sometimes too. Can you try to take over your own life? Make it better?

What would make you feel better? More friends? A partner?

Join online dating site....or ask some frineds to go out...join a club....push yourself.

It's awful when you're low but birthdays tend to do that to lots of people.

What are you doing tomorrow? Can you treat yourself somehow?

RubyrooUK Fri 22-Feb-13 22:34:24

Don't feel too down. Everything feels worse after a major operation too.

Make sure you do something nice for your birthday, even if it is just something little.

I am the child of a single mum who through a combination of bad health and bad luck had a pretty rubbish period of life for a long time.

But the positives are:

- my brother and I adore her, we are very close and I think her being a single mum made us even closer;
- she realised she was worth more than people like my dad and built herself a life in very difficult circumstances;
- and, although you don't want to hear this, she met someone after 12 years single who happened to be just the right man who thinks she is fabulous. She wasn't looking for him but he came along anyway and now she is very settled and happy.

So you never know what life will throw at you. And you don't need someone else to be happy. But I think it's ok to think that after an operation and feeling a bit unsupported, it's fine to have a moan on MN!

onlyaftereights Fri 22-Feb-13 22:38:36

Happy birthday for tomorrow t,you will be ok, thinking of you x

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Fri 22-Feb-13 22:40:36

Sorry you're feeling blue. I know it's a cliche, but look at the positives- especially of being single!! Don't get me wring, I love my DH, but also loved being single (after a 7yr relationship)- you can do what YOU want to do, and that can be anything, you don't have to take a partners feelings/ objections into considerations. I don't know what age your dc is/ are, but you have a whole well of love there, one way or another.

I would never say , "oh, you'll meet someone"- you might and you might not, but that is NOT what will make you happy/ not. Some people are happy and in relationships, some people are happy and single- having someone doesn't necessarily make you happy- happiness is out there for you to get, in many shapes and forms. And you have dc, so you don't need to worry about meeting someone in order to have the child you always wanted (like a lot of my single friends)

Think about things that YOU can do/ change that will make you happy. Don't think you need someone else to make you happy- biggest myth of all!

And happy birthday for tomorrow smile So many things to look forward to and do!

Oopla Fri 22-Feb-13 22:52:07

Sometimes it goes the other way x

theweeyin Sat 23-Feb-13 00:36:26

Well it's now your birthday so................. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

redplasticspoon Sat 23-Feb-13 00:38:44

Your children love you.

Happy Birthday smile

Southwest Sat 23-Feb-13 00:45:15

Happy Birthday for today

Do you have a little treat planned for yourself?

(Chocolate, wine or cake seem like good ideas)

foslady Sat 23-Feb-13 00:46:36

Happy birthday - sorry, I didn't see this in chat earlier.

My exh is with his OW, sometimes it makes me angry too thinking that she's got him doing everything I wanted him to do but point blank refused for me. Then I remember just how bad it was when he was here and I think that they must be well suited for each, let's raise a glass to you wine

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase Sat 23-Feb-13 00:54:12

I think we always feel shit when we start a thread on MN and no one bites - especially when you see the crap that other people post and get lots of instant, hilarious and incisive posts wink

Don't take it personally, yeah I know how that sounds. It really isn't personal, it's just that other stuff is bopping up.

Happy birthday to you! You were listening to Aggers, weren't you? I got a bit teary at that too. this'll stop you feeling bad It doesn't matter how many times I hear it, I still laugh.

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsase Sat 23-Feb-13 01:11:45

Dance around your kitchen to this Never fails to make me boogie.

whethergirl Sat 23-Feb-13 01:19:09

Happy Birthday Teahouse!

I hope you do something to spoil yourself today. You know, I was feeling a bit crappy this week and have had so much on lately, so thought I would treat myself today. It's really nice to be able to do that without having to depend on anyone else. I ate out, and bought myself some clothes/jewellery and ate loads of chocolate even though I was supposed to be at uni. I went by myself because I prefer that way, today was all about me and sometimes, with friends, they can - you know, do your head in a bit, drag you into a shop you don't like etc. Spoke to my cousin earlier and told her my plans, she said it's the kind of thing she'd love for her dh to do for her when she was having a crap week, but most likely wouldn't.

I am a lone parent with a ds of 7, split up with dp when I was pregnant, haven't seen him in years. When ds was 5, I started feeling lonely and felt needed to be cared for, instead of caring for, all the time. So went on dating sites, met a bloke and was with him for 2 years. Gosh, did I miss my single life during those 2 years! I enjoyed being with him at the time, but didn't realise how much I loved my independance, having solely me time, having more freedom and had forgotten all the annoying, tiresome things that often come with having a relationship. So, please try and enjoy what you have at the moment, not least because you might meet someone one day, so enjoy what you have now while it lasts!

Sorry to hear about your operation - be extra kind to yourself, recovery takes a while and has an impact on your emotional as well as physical being.

whethergirl Sat 23-Feb-13 01:22:40

Oh, and as part of my treat day, I also played my Amy Winehouse album and sang into the remote control and pretended I had her amazing voice and that everyone adored me but then I am a bit pathetic

pollypandemonium Sat 23-Feb-13 01:29:05

What kind of music do you like? We could post you some links. Music always cheers me up.

Dryjuice25 Sat 23-Feb-13 02:10:52

Lots of thanks to cheer you up.Happy Birthday

MagzFarqharson Sat 23-Feb-13 02:20:41

Happy Birthday Teahouse thankswinethanksbearthanks

Have a lovely day, you're not alone xxx

Isityouorme Sat 23-Feb-13 06:37:40

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Teahouse
Happy birthday to you

KeatsiePie Sat 23-Feb-13 06:45:52

Happy birthday! I'm sorry you've been feeling low but hope you have a lovely day with your DC. And for you, my first ever bunch of thanks

GeordieCherry Sat 23-Feb-13 06:49:59

Happy birthday! winethanks

Ok, February challenge: do one thing to change your situation. Just one, doesn't have to be a big 'un, but something you think you might enjoy

I moved cities to be with DP & knew I needed to make friends separate from him & his life. I joined a book club, not the first one but the right one for me. See what tickles your fancy. I've found friends on Gumtree too. It's like clothes in TK Maxx, you need to discard some rubbish, but the good stuff is there smile

And another Happy Birthday x

Montybojangles Sat 23-Feb-13 07:02:59

Happy Birthday Teahouse. Hope you wake up feeling more positive. Watch a good film, something like Priscilla, queen of the desert to lift your mood and make you feel good. Have a lovely birthday xxx

fairplay Sat 23-Feb-13 07:12:39

Happy birthday!

DeafLeopard Sat 23-Feb-13 07:16:38

Excellent post by hoho.

And Treehouse

Happy birthday! Hope you have a fabulous day

Possiblyoutedled Sat 23-Feb-13 07:23:20

Happy birthday. I was lp for years and my lowest point was a hospital stay when I had no special visitor with flowers and then nobody to pick me up from hospital and stay with me. Massive low point.
What are you doing today? Not sure how old you child us but I enjoy my children's company sometimes. Why don't you see a film and treat yourself to a meal out. Or you could get so some trash mags n chocolate.
Have a lovely day xx

MamaOgg Sat 23-Feb-13 07:24:36

Happy Birthday Teahouse, I hope you have a nice day and you are kind to Yourself. It's really draining getting over a big op. x

fengirl1 Sat 23-Feb-13 07:57:55

Tea, are you my secret twin? Your story is very similar to mine, even down to the op (I had two last year, 19 weeks off work in total). Its very hard when you have no-one to lean on or help out.... BUT when you're feeling better, do try to get out and about a bit. I contacted an old friend and now go and help with horses, and ride a bit. It's great, and is well worth the huge amount of courage it took me to ask in the first place. I hope you have a lovely day, doing things you enjoy.

Happy Birthday for tomorrow teahouse thanks wine

To be honest, the weather is hardly helping to cheer people up, so you might be in need of some vitamin d. When you feel up to it, go for a walk. Being indoors doesn't help matters, though I appreciate its bloody freezing out there. Well, depending on where you live, anyway.

Hope you get better soon xxx

BlackStiltonBoots Sat 23-Feb-13 10:29:17

Happy birthday flowers hope you have a nice, relaxing day.

mrsbunnylove Sat 23-Feb-13 12:20:36

happy birthday!

Happy Birthday from me too.

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