To think that Esther Rantzen justifying her affair with a married father of three

(114 Posts)
Fleecyslippers Fri 22-Feb-13 21:26:26

Is pathetic and self serving and nauseating. I hadn't realised her marriage started as an affair.

I dislike her even more now.

Not watching it.
I didn't think I could like her less but seems I'm mistaken.

Pedallleur Fri 22-Feb-13 21:30:48

That means he now has vacancy for a mistress.

Fleecyslippers Fri 22-Feb-13 21:30:57

Have switched off. I wanted to see what she would say about Saville but I can't watch any more. Setting herself as a paragon of justice and morality hmm

eminemmerdale Fri 22-Feb-13 21:31:24

I'm not sure whether I like her or not yet - will watch the rest to see what, if anything, she has to say about JS.

Fleecyslippers Fri 22-Feb-13 21:32:14

He's deceased Pedalleur - she has painted their marriage as perfect for many, many years. A bloody sham.

'unjustifiably annoyed' grin

girliefriend Fri 22-Feb-13 21:33:25

Yes I thought that, its such a lame excuse to say 'we tried but we just couldn't be apart'

umm try harder then hmm

MrsDoomsPatterson Fri 22-Feb-13 21:33:40

I think you need to get over yourselves.

GW297 Fri 22-Feb-13 21:35:10

I bet they don't mention JS!

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Feb-13 21:36:07

This is what made me confused

He's dead. He's been dead for years and she has grieved bitterly.

I think you should be ashamed of yourself OP.

Acandlelitshadow Fri 22-Feb-13 21:37:19

She's expert in attempting to justify the unjustifiable.

Watching her wriggle over her admission she'd heard rumours of Jimmy Savile's activities and done nothing even when she was head of Childline was utterly nauseating.

She is loathsome.

mrsjay Fri 22-Feb-13 21:38:16

That means he now has vacancy for a mistress.

her husband is dead It takes 2 people to break up a relationship tbh her husband wasn't innocent either,

thebody Fri 22-Feb-13 21:40:49

Good god!! How

ifancyashandy Fri 22-Feb-13 21:42:24

Given that she was married to Desmond for many many years, it seems they were right for each other. Some marriages do fail...

thebody Fri 22-Feb-13 21:42:28

Old r u all. I watched that's life as a kid and she was pregnant with his child then.

That's eons ago.. But yes he was married when they got together.

Mrsrobertduvall Fri 22-Feb-13 21:43:12

Oh for goodness sake, people have affairs for many reasons. And at least they stayed together and were very happy, it wasn't a quick legover.

thebody Fri 22-Feb-13 21:43:14

He's been dead years and years btw.

bunchamunchycrunchycarrots Fri 22-Feb-13 21:44:34
mrsjay Fri 22-Feb-13 21:44:55

yes their daughters were grown ups or almost when he died , they were together for years why do people watch programmes about people they dont like YABU for watching piers morgan he is a knob

MrsDoomsPatterson Fri 22-Feb-13 21:46:05

If I happened to be one of the three adult children to read this sort of shite I'd be fucking furious.

eminemmerdale Fri 22-Feb-13 21:46:43

Are you then?

Fleecyslippers Fri 22-Feb-13 21:49:04

Many people have affairs.
Few people are like Esther Rantzen and set themselves up as champions of all that is right and good and paint a persona of being beyond reproach. Have your affair. Just stop trying to justify it.

RedHotRudieParts Fri 22-Feb-13 21:54:02

She's in her 80's ??!! shock

Sparklingbrook Fri 22-Feb-13 21:54:56

She's in her 70s isn't she?

Mrsrobertduvall Fri 22-Feb-13 21:55:07

She's 72.

RedHotRudieParts Fri 22-Feb-13 21:58:21

He said 8th decade and it said she was in her 70's in 99 !

Mimishimi Fri 22-Feb-13 21:59:44

Are any of the children who Childline was involved with known to have been abused by Savile or others that they would not know except through this organization?

RedHotRudieParts Fri 22-Feb-13 22:00:11

Pah, 72. He got it bleddy wrong then. He'd be feeling me handbag round his head if he put ten years on me !

Viviennemary Fri 22-Feb-13 22:02:48

I started to watch it but switched over after a few minutes. She is such a self-justified fake.

squoosh Fri 22-Feb-13 22:13:32

I've no time for Esther Rantzen but the truth is that sometimes happy marriages can come from affairs. It doesn't follow that a relationship born out of deceit will always turn out to be a bad relationship.

FellatioNels0n Fri 22-Feb-13 22:13:39

He's deceased Pedalleur - she has painted their marriage as perfect for many, many years. A bloody sham

How was it a sham exactly? They were very happy and devoted until parted by death. I neither know nor care whether ER is a nice woman but she loved her husband and it seems her loved deeply her too, until the day he died.

Sometimes people marry the wrong person. Sometimes they marry the right person (at the time) but someone else even more spectacularly right comes along and nothing else can ever be the same again;, everything has to change, and people get hurt.

People change, they grow apart. It happens. It's awkward, sad and unpleasant but it's real life. Stop being so smug and small minded about it.

Fleecyslippers Fri 22-Feb-13 22:15:16

Not ashamed at all NorthernLurker. But Ms Rantzen would be proud of your moral outrage on her behalf wink

MorrisZapp Fri 22-Feb-13 22:17:22

How exactly was her marriage a sham? That's bullshit.

My mum had an affair with my stepdad. They've been together for 25 years. Twice as long as she was with my dad.

She's concerned about child abuse, not marital fidelity.

Themobstersknife Fri 22-Feb-13 22:24:19

If she is 72 then she is in her 8th decade is she not?
I must admit, I went off her a bit when she said what she did about JS.
But the comments about affairs are unfair. Sometimes people just get it wrong. I got it wrong with my ex. I fell in love with someone else when I was with my ex. It was the hardest situation I have ever been in. The someone else is now my DH and we have two gorgeous DDs. XDP is now happily married with children. I do not have a vacancy for a 'master'. Sometimes these things happen.

Fleecyslippers Fri 22-Feb-13 22:26:01

So people who devastate families by fucking other people and whose relationships are built on a foundation of lies and deceit don't ever cling desperately to their 'marriage' and paint it as the perfect relationship. Just so they don't lose face?

Actually, I know the answer to that one myself hmm

CloudsAndTrees Fri 22-Feb-13 22:32:31

I like Esther. It looks to me like she had a very happy and loving marriage.

ImperialBlether Fri 22-Feb-13 22:58:40

I think it's the 8 or 9 years that the affair was going on for, while she was visiting their family home, meeting his wife and children etc - that's what's so wrong.

FellatioNels0n Sat 23-Feb-13 04:35:51

YEs IB I would agree with that.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 23-Feb-13 04:54:28

What annoys me is where the happy couple parade about but do not have the tact or sensitivity to be discreet. Yes, your're happy together but at a massive price to another woman and, often, kids. Have some manners and stop flaunting yourselves like love's young dream. It really gets my goat.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 23-Feb-13 04:55:26

Yes, that and the level of deceit. How conniving...eight years? I would have either the energy or the patience.

lunar1 Sat 23-Feb-13 05:09:40

Yes people can get it wrong, so they should get divorced. Not lie and cheat, If they we're so perfect for each other why not wait a year till they had finished their marriages. No matter what there is never a valid excuse for an affair.

missingmumxox Sat 23-Feb-13 05:33:39

if we all wait to live a virtuious life, nothing good would get done, look at politicians, i would love to get involved like my Gran I used to post her leaflets as a child in the 80's, she even stood as an MP, didn't get in,
but I smoked dope on a few...numerious occations in my 20's, I have a close relly who have 5 children by 3 different fathers and I worked in the NHS, I would be cruficied by the gutter press!

meditrina Sat 23-Feb-13 06:24:16

It was well known her marriage started as an affair. My mother always refused to watch her for that reason.

littlewhitebag Sat 23-Feb-13 07:46:36

And we are all so perfect???

The 'nasty celebs you have met' threads in here are always amusing about ER (have no idea how true they are)

Thanks for linking to the Torygraph interview with ER's stepdaughter whoever did, interesting.

Megatron Sat 23-Feb-13 07:55:38

People have affairs all the time. Few of them broadcast it, write books referring to it or try to justify it.

The fact that people have affairs is one thing, people will make of that what they will, but I do object to someone who was so deceitful for such a long period of time portraying themself as some paragon of virtue.

That pisses me off more than the affair.

DreamingOfTheMaldives Sat 23-Feb-13 08:16:32

I completely agree FelatioNelson

My Mum had an affair with a married man when she was married to my Dad. Yes it caused hurt and upset but they have since married and are still together. My Mum said that she had always loved my Dad but she loved him like a brother (in later years) and that she had never loved him the way she had loved my now step-dad. Like any marriage they have their agreements and ups and downs but they are certainly not just staying together to legitimise what they did.

I was mature enough at 17 to understand and accept that relationships end and that people get hurt, and that you can hurt those you care about when striving to be happy. Perhaps OP you should try to grow up and understand this as well.

I'm so pleased that you (and some other posters on here) can be so bloody perfect hmm

DreamingOfTheMaldives Sat 23-Feb-13 08:17:29

Disagreements not agreements

Fleecyslippers Sat 23-Feb-13 08:32:35

Dreaming. Why didn't your mother have the guts to be honest with the man she made vows to ? Why didn't she have the integrity to walk away from a marriage ? There is an amazing irony in your contempt for those of us who detest affairs. I don't present myself as perfect. I leave that to Esther Rantzen.
At the end od the day, there are people who are weak enough and selfish enough to have affairs.
Lucily there are still plenty of us who have the moral fibre to respect the vows that were made. Am painfully aware that the pro affair brigade view those vows with contempt. I guess that's life wink

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 08:45:48

I agree with Morris, Northern and Fellatio.

Nasty, spiteful thread reeking of sanctimony.

PessaryPam Sat 23-Feb-13 08:52:25

Who was it used to call her Esther Rancid, was it Private Eye? Always found her very false. About as yuk as JS really.

SashaSashays Sat 23-Feb-13 09:04:35

You actually care that ER was with a married man.

HE was the one who was married, so HE was having the affair.

I still can't fathom why you care, I'm assuming you are bitter about a personal experience of yours which does make this thread slightly more understandable. However, people have affairs, its very common, has been going on since the beginning of monogamous relationships and has multiple causes, why ER specifically deserves hatred for this I don't know. I have friends who have had affairs or been in relationships with married men/women, am I supposed to drop them on this knowledge? Are those engaged in these type of relationships meant to be treated as pariahs, often for escaping relationships in which they are severely unhappy?

Lovelygoldboots Sat 23-Feb-13 09:27:10

What is this thread about? What's your beef OP? The man is dead. I think this thread is self serving.

WoTmania Sat 23-Feb-13 09:33:49

hmm and? He was married, he had an affair. Yes it would have better if he had left his wife before embarking on the affair but he didn't. But of course she's a woman so automatically the one to blame in the view of some.
They had a long and happy marriage in the end. How is it any of your business?

Lovelygoldboots Sat 23-Feb-13 09:48:47

One other thing. Childline was a massive step forward in empowering children to discuss abuse at a time when it was brushed under the carpet. There were clearly many people who knew about saville. If ER knew it does not mean she was complicit. She was forward thinking in ensuring there was a voice for children everywhere if they could get to a phone box. I think the criticism levelled at her is cheap and unfair.

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 09:58:20

Agree lovely

Mrsrobertduvall Sat 23-Feb-13 10:19:24

The are some very bitter people here.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 23-Feb-13 10:45:06

I think ER was married too, was she not? Anyway, I never understand the idea that if the OW unmarried she is therefore free from any responsibility at all. You know what youre doing. I couldnt give a shit if that makes me sanctimonious.

My dads affair tore our family apart; only a few years later my sister met some fella who then left his own kids for her - she makes out like she was doing them all some massive favour. She certainly never thought my dads OW was doing us a favour at the time. Double standards much?

Acandlelitshadow Sat 23-Feb-13 10:53:39

Yes, many people knew about Savile or had heard rumours and ER was self-admittedly one of them. Doesn't make her complicit at the time (although all who knew or had heard were IMO utterly craven and self serving) but as director of Childline she was in a unique position later on to put pressure on to have him investigated while he was still alive and didn't.

I don't give a monkey's about her personal life but her failure in that single respect was iniquitous.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Feb-13 10:54:00

Dont get the outrage- many second marriages are the result of affairs- some last a long time and are happy marriages and others not so much. Its a fact of life, you would hate a lot of people if this is your criteria to despise.

MamaMumra Sat 23-Feb-13 10:54:09

Actually I dropped a friend who was having an affair.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Feb-13 10:57:29

You cant have been great mates to begin with then

Mrsrobertduvall Sat 23-Feb-13 11:00:12

Fergus...ER was not married.
Get your facts right.

Lighthousekeeping Sat 23-Feb-13 11:05:50

It's was common knowledge though, I remember reading it in my mothers Woman magazine many years ago.

Mrsrobertduvall Sat 23-Feb-13 11:07:38

Woman magazine.
My mum used to get that. And womans weekly...which always makes Victoria Wood spring to mind grin

Perhaps some people should have a little look on the relationship boards and see just how devestating affairs are. No need to crucify her, but to try and justify it makes a little sick rise in your throat.

Futup, where are you getting your research from? Many second marriages are the result of affairs? I think most people in life realise that affairs are a shabby thing to do to someone.

MamaMumra Sat 23-Feb-13 11:12:18

fut no not really - she was part of a group of friends and was a bit shifty. But you're right, never liked her too much if I'm honest so I happily ditched her.

Fleecyslippers Sat 23-Feb-13 11:17:42

I blame my mothers failure to allow me to read Womens Weekly for my shocking lack of knowledge about Esther Ranthzen infidelity.

At the end of the day my isdue is with her public justification of her affair. Her 'performance'on national TV last night was awful. The details of how it was conducted, and for how long are grim.
I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage and yes I have very personal reasons to hate the devastation that affairs cause. Its interesting that the fairly nasty labelling and name calling on this thread all come from people who are pro affair. If you believe that affairs are so right, why the need to get so angry in your defence....

it is more the horrendous way she made the children feel when their mother dies by writing about her and slagging her off.

that and the fact that she was friends with this woman, met her husband by being invited into her home and then proceeded to have an affair with him for years whilst still pretending to be this woman's friend and taking her hospitality and hanging around her house. vile.

and yes she knew about saville but she put her career and lifestyle first. the idea that people who make fame and fortune from choosing to go in at the 'charideee' side of entertainment rather than another route are somehow great wonderful people is bizarre.

she wanted fame and fortune and to be on tv - it turned out the route for her to do that most successfully was this persona of caring about children so she took that. zillions of people do real work for others without fame, fortune or self congratulatory image construction every day.

FergusSingsTheBlues Sat 23-Feb-13 11:23:55

mrsrobert did you note the question mark????

Get some manners.

Mwah.

OutsideOverThere Sat 23-Feb-13 11:24:40

I don't know anything about it and haven;'t watched whatever this was.

But I think it's interesting that people seem to be suggesting the fact it was an affair is somehow negated and justified by the fact the marriage lasted. Like if they hadn't stayed together, it would have been a horrid and sordid affair but as they did, that makes it all Ok.

Fleecyslippers Sat 23-Feb-13 11:25:16

Dreams people who have affairs don't CARE about the devastation though. Thats what makes them capable of doing what they do. So they could read a hundred threads in relationships or lone parents and it STILL wouldn't convince them that their actions are wrong.

kimorama Sat 23-Feb-13 11:25:16

Esther was a bit crass on affairs; but shes a good broadcaster. The prog was too sentimental

4TheLoveOfBob Sat 23-Feb-13 11:26:48

People can be so bloody simple minded, moralistic and HORRIBLE

Really....

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Feb-13 11:31:37

Why do I need to be bringing research to a thread about affairs ffs?
Many second marriages ARE the result of affairs whether you think its shabby immoralor whatever.

Fut that's absolute rubbish, MOST second marriages, where are you getting that from!

Viviennemary Sat 23-Feb-13 11:44:49

I don't care that much about people having affairs. If they want to be cheats then that's their business. But I do object to people like Esther Rantzen behaving badly but getting on a soap box and telling other people what is wrong in their lives. And I hardly think her behaviour in the Jimmy Saville affair was what should have been expected from the pioneer of Childline. Total and absolute fake hypocrite.

Fleecyslippers Sat 23-Feb-13 11:46:11

Fortheloveofbob- you seriously have an issue with people having MORALS? (hmm)

MamaMumra Sat 23-Feb-13 11:54:06

Who's being horrible bob ?

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Feb-13 11:56:36

Where did I say most Dreams?

Apologies, you said many.

FutTheShuckUp Sat 23-Feb-13 11:59:12

no worries

ifancyashandy Sat 23-Feb-13 12:01:39

My ex long term DP (together 12 years before I'm accused of not really understanding due to lack of a wedding ring) had an affair with someone we knew. 10 years on and I'm able to see that these things happen. Yes, it hurt like hell at the time and for a very long time after. But it doesn't make with of the people amoral, bad or evil.

Just flawed. Like the rest of us.

onedev Sat 23-Feb-13 12:11:05

I completely agree with Viviennemart.

onedev Sat 23-Feb-13 12:12:16

Viviennemary obviously - sorry! blush

ifancy - but you didn't have children together i take it? lots of people have had to go through the hell of infidelity and their parents putting shagging over and above their happiness and stability and the kind of hurt and mayhem it causes as children. lots of others have seen the hurt and mayhem caused to friends or relatives with children whose partners have had affairs. in families it's a lot more complex than your partner cheating on you - the ripples are bigger.

janey68 Sat 23-Feb-13 12:38:53

Never liked the woman. Always seemed to be poking her beak in and shit stirring, yet failing to respond to real abuse when it was staring her in the face

ifancyashandy Sat 23-Feb-13 12:39:12

But no less devastating...

WhatsTheBuzz Sat 23-Feb-13 12:44:38

I reckon most people who think along the lines 'sometimes these things happen' or are actually trying to justify having an affair themselves would not be so forgiving if their husbands/partners were playing away. There is never a good reason to do that to your other half, let alone any children involved. It may not be evil but it's obviously very, very wrong.

WhatsTheBuzz Sat 23-Feb-13 12:46:21

*in a non-violent relationship.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 23-Feb-13 13:42:23

"Few people are like Esther Rantzen and set themselves up as champions of all that is right and good and paint a persona of being beyond reproach."

YABU She's never made herself out to be a saint. She's spearheaded a lot of good work in her life but that's not the same thing at all. People have affairs. Human beings are fallible. Grow up.

LittleEdie Sat 23-Feb-13 13:48:30

People on here are often very sanctimonious about affairs.

So if you've done something that's not right you should hide away in shame?

You should only do charity work if you've lived an unblemished life?

ImperialBlether Sat 23-Feb-13 13:59:55

I don't think it's that, LittleEdie. It was the way she said on tv that for 8-9 years she was having an affair with Desmond Wilcox and at the same time visiting their family home and spending time with his wife and children, who clearly were clueless. She said, "Oh I felt so bad" but personally I thought it was disgraceful that a) she did it and b) talked about it on tv.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 23-Feb-13 14:18:20

Being an OW is the last taboo and exposes very misogynistic double-standards. A man confessing to have had a long term affair wouldn't get anything like this kind of hate-fest, especially if he was single. Would be written up as a 'ladies man' and probably patted on the back.

nah cogito - pretending to be friends with a woman, being invited into her home and shagging her husband and then continuing to be 'friends' with her and visiting her home and children whilst continuing to shag her husband for 8 years shows some very misogynistic double standards.

it doesn't get more misogynistic than to fuck someone's husband behind their back whilst smiling to their face for years. you have to truly think men are everything and women not worthy of any respect, concern or loyalty to behave that way.

babyfirefly1980 Sat 23-Feb-13 14:48:10

I agree swallowedafly...that is truly cold behaviour. They both could have told his ex wife the truth way before they did, to carry on for years behind her back shows a callousness not alot of us have.

Actually cogito I would feel as disgusted by a man doing the same as ER. I would certainly not pat him on the back.

Megatron Sat 23-Feb-13 14:51:29

The affair thing is less of an issue for me. NOT saying that it's right by any means but we all do stupid things sometimes.

My issue is the deceit and lies and offering friendship to someone whilst shagging their husband. My ex had an affair with my cousin. I was heartbroken about the affair but totally devastated by their dishonesty and the fact that I'd been made a total fool out of. She would stay with us and sit drinking wine with me chatting for hours. Then they would fuck like rabbits while I was on the shower etc. I don't think I'll ever really get over that side of it, even though it was years ago.

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 14:55:29

I would agree that having an affair is not nice behaviour and a pretty awful thing to do.

But he's the one who was married with children, not her.

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 14:57:03

Megatron that's awful. I think in some ways that the betrayal of friendship and the deceit is the worst aspect of it.

cjel Sat 23-Feb-13 15:10:30

Affairs are wrong. End relationship. start new. Why not? It really is that easy that necessary and can't understand all excuses for it not to be that way.

Megatron Sat 23-Feb-13 15:15:39

flippin absolutely. I felt as though they'd been laughing at me. She was like my best friend as well as my cousin and apparently they'd been at it for years. She looked me straight in the eye and promised me that the rumours were just gossip and that they would never do that me. He laughed at the very suggestion. Then I caught them at 2am one night when I got up for a wee.

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 15:20:30

How horrible Megatron.

I've been defending ER on here as I feel women often get more blame got affairs than men, but in truth I don't understand how someone could do that to a friend...or anyone, really.

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 15:21:18

For affairs, not "got". Smartphone playing silly buggers again.

Megatron Sat 23-Feb-13 15:25:28

It was a really shitty time to be sure. It was 16 years ago and I still think about it. I can say in all honesty that the affair, though awful, didn't hurt as much as the betrayal by both of them.

flippinada Sat 23-Feb-13 15:52:32

I don't think I'd forget something like that either.

you don't forget.

you don't forget your dad disappearing off with some woman and letting you down and leaving you in the aftermath. you don't forget your friend being put through it. you certainly don't forget it happening to you and especially when you have children and your whole life is changed and shaped from there on by the fact their actions broke up your family and totally changed what you thought was your life.

if you are unhappy in a relationship you should leave - not just wait till you find another bed to jump into.

must say the idea that people having morals and ethics is 'horrible' is still twisting my head.

ImperialBlether Sat 23-Feb-13 16:27:39

Megatron, that must have been absolutely awful for you. Do you mean you asked them beforehand if anything was going on? There were rumours about them and she still came to your home?

Are they together now?

Megatron Sat 23-Feb-13 17:13:23

They never did really get together in the aftermath Imperial. Her mum (my aunt) had suspicions and asked my cousin if anything was going on and my cousin and my ex then came to me and told me that if my aunt said anything to me that it was rubbish and it was only because they had fallen out. She then kept coming to my house a couple of times a week for abut a year after until I caught them.

onedev Sat 23-Feb-13 17:41:34

That is horrible Megatron.

it's horrible megatron.

pretending affairs such as this one is just poor star crossed lovers is ridiculous. lying, cheating, betraying for 8 years. carrying on climbing in bed with your wife at night. carrying on pretending to be the woman's friend and coming into her house, letting her cook for you, letting her invite you to spend time with her children.

i don't understand how anyone can go ahhhh but they loved each other.

it is vile behaviour and i don't believe any decent person could indulge themselves in such a way with so little empathy, compassion or conscience.

you'd have to an especially selfish and entitled person to do this imo.

i'm a zillion miles from a saint and i have never and would never do this. unless you're capable of behaving in such a way yourself i'm not sure how you can defend it confused

I watched this last night and just felt ER was so garish about the affair. I don't agree with affairs I'm off the camp that if you are unhappy in your marriage and having thoughts of being with someone else then the kindest thing to do is leave. But that isn't what made me dislike ER so much last night. It was the fact that this went on for 8 years and during that time she acted as a friend to the 1st wife. That would be the thing that would cut me up, the deceit, thinking back over conversions. Thinking how could you be so blind, so stupid. How could the people who you thought cared about you do this to you.

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