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To expect my dh to eat what I've cooked?

(46 Posts)
notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:25:18

There is jacket potatoes, chicken, rice, cauliflower cheese, salmon,stew & left over chinese. My dh has decided he doesn't want any of that & has made himself fish & chips which hes burnt anyway.I'm pissed off. We have a budget for food & left overs keep piling up. I make food mostly in advance as we have 5 ds' including a baby weaning & it's not always easy to cook when I need to. The boys will have rice tonight & we'll have the rest tmw but I don't see why my dh should eat what he feels like when the rest of us have planned meals!!
rant sorry

Zaphiro Fri 22-Feb-13 16:26:17

YANBU, and you know it grin

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 22-Feb-13 16:28:11

don't quite understand. Had you cooked the unholy mixture you describe in your first line or was that what he or you could have cooked? If not already cooked then why was it a problem for your DH to cook something else which presumably you had in anyway?

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:28:18

Thanks zaphiro. smileIt's hard when the only other adult in the house is acting spoilt. I wish we could all eat what we like when we like.

cricketballs Fri 22-Feb-13 16:28:55

don't you ever feel like something different? I for one never know what I want to eat and will change my mind very easily from what I originally planned however as I am the one who does the majority of the cooking its my prerogative!

ouryve Fri 22-Feb-13 16:30:09

If he doesn't like what you're preparing, ask him to meal plan and work out the budget with you.

And if he can't grow up and accept that, cook for the 6 of you and let him shift for himself.

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:30:19

It was all cooked & ready for ds' to help themselves. I can't always get dinner done on time because of the baby so I cook when I can, mostly in the mornings when ds' are in school & freeze the leftovers.

usualsuspect Fri 22-Feb-13 16:31:17

Was that lot already cooked? Do you cook it all and then reheat it?

CocoNutter Fri 22-Feb-13 16:31:35


Theicingontop Fri 22-Feb-13 16:32:01

Ugh I hate this too. I make a meal plan each week and stick to it religiously because we're trying to save money and pay debts. When OH doesn't fancy what I've made he'll pop out to Iceland for a frozen pizza hmm.

What's the point eh! I reckon it's because since he's not cooking it he doesn't know how much bloody effort goes into making a really tasty meal on a budget every day. And he's a fussy eater. Might be a couple of quid for a frozen pizza, but that couple of quid could be spent on next week's budget to make it a bit more interesting for everyone.

Every time he does it, go and get a takeaway for yourself and airily say, "Well, since we're not sticking to what I cooked I thought I'd not bother, join you and treat myself wink"


notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:33:43

I think it's another fallout from his childhood. There was alot if them & his mum used to cook a big pot of stew for the week. Maybe he feels like I'm dictating what he should eat. He hardly ever cooks & I make sure there's a variety. Now he's eaten the fish there won't be enough to make ds' another day.

usualsuspect Fri 22-Feb-13 16:33:47

He is allowed to eat what he fancies, I don't think I would be happy to be told what to eat all the time.

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:35:11

Exactly theicing. Money is tight & I'm trying to pay off as much as I can.

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:36:08

Fair enough if he cooked though. But to cook & someone turn their nose up & make something else is infuriating.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 22-Feb-13 16:39:02

tbh if all the food you listed was a complete 'meal' I don't think I'd have fancied it much either. Seriously all that plus stew and left over chinese confused. Could you not freeze stuff and then make some semblance of a proper meal out of the left overs? It is Friday night after all

Pandemoniaa Fri 22-Feb-13 16:40:06

That does sound a very strange assortment of offerings but I'm surprised your dh couldn't find something to eat out of it. When you say it was cooked and ready, do you mean that all those choices were ready to serve up? Only it sounds as if you are running a restaurant rather than providing family meals.

RedHelenB Fri 22-Feb-13 16:41:34

YABU - if he is prepared to make it I don't see the problem tbh!

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 22-Feb-13 16:41:49

Incidentally YANBU in principle, but I can see where he is coming from

RedHelenB Fri 22-Feb-13 16:42:10

Plus fish on fridays is traditional!!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 22-Feb-13 16:42:47


He can't just help himself to things that are planned for family meals later in the week.

It wouldn't even occur to DH to do something like this. I cook, he eats when he gets in from work. If there is something he is hankering after then he can tell me when I'm doing the meal plan and I will include it.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 22-Feb-13 16:42:50

and it seems very early to be eating dinner. I am still at work!

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:43:37

There are 7 of us. Out of all that I had jacket potatoes with chicken & cauliflower cheese, ds1 had jacket potatoes & cheese, ds2 had salmon, ds3 had jacket potatoes, ds4 had the same & ds 5(baby) had cauliflower cheese.

squeakytoy Fri 22-Feb-13 16:44:00

Hmm, not sure that as an adult I would be happy being unable to eat the food of my choice if I was prepared to cook it, and it was already in the fridge/freezer.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 22-Feb-13 16:44:49

Funnys the OP has 5 children including a baby. I think she is doing pretty well to get food on the table.

The thing is, that her DH hasn't cooked something so that there is enough for everyone, he has only made something for himself and thereby scuppered a future meal. That is just rude and bloody awkward.

Annunziata Italy Fri 22-Feb-13 16:47:03

As an adult he should be able to recognise that money is tight and his wife has made a dinner for 6 people. Maybe you should plan together in future, but I don't think YABU.

Annunziata Italy Fri 22-Feb-13 16:47:14

Sorry, 7.

so you guys have to eat whatever is going because of money but dh just does what he likes? yanbu

CheeseStrawWars Fri 22-Feb-13 16:47:51

If the budget wasn't an issue, it wouldn't be a problem, but it sounds a bit like "we're all in this together... except me when I feel like it", so YANBU.

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:51:31

It does feel like a restaurant sometimesgrin but you can't always get portions big enough to feed all of us especially with 5ds. Boys just seem to shovel it in. Anyway he thinks I am being very unreasonable & can't see my point. I tried to explain that as he ate 2 bits of fish & finished the chips there's only 2 bits left for another meal for 4ds so the cycle continues. Luckily ds' aren't as awkward as him & hopefully won't pick up his habits.

EuroShaggleton Fri 22-Feb-13 16:57:05

I do find the "buffet of leftovers as dinner" concept rather bizarre but he WBU to break the food budget.

It seems a slightly inefficient way of feeding the family to a budget to have a pick and mix selection of offerings for re-heating.

I'd just make one big thing that was available for each meal (e.g. A shepherd's pie or a lasagne) and let everyone help themselves to their own portion if the logistics of eating together didn't work.

so that everyone gets a choice (and so I don't have to lose the will to live at thinking up yet another meal plan), I'd make meal planning collaborative. Everyone gets to add a dish to the meal plan, so everyone gets to eat what they want at some point. I make a meal plan but it's generally flexible about what meals will get eaten on which days, depending on how I feel (as I have to cook and no one else seems to express an opinion).

Are the boys old enough to take a share of the cooking too?

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 16:59:07

Tbh he's fed up with budgeting as am I but we have good meals, home cooked & he still makes a fuss. He'd be happier just eating Iceland food but I've worked hard to make sure ds have a healthy variety. He doesn't see my meals as meals. Eg. Jacket potatoes with salad, ham. Homemade burgers & not chips with everything! His mum just used to leave them to it so he's used to frozen food done in the fryer. But he's older & wiser know but still doesn't appreciate the effort cooking for so many takes. My boys on the other hand are lovely & always tell me how much they love their dinnerssmile

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 22-Feb-13 17:01:23

Fair enough Ali I suppose I am judging it from the POV of would I like to eat that selection. I guess if there had been no mention of left over chinese and stew my answer would have been different. If it had been jacket potatoes, cauliflower cheese, salmon and some vegetables, it would just seem altogether more appetising.

I would have added the stew and the chinese to a new stew and a new chinese just so that the meal seemed complete IYSWIM

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 17:03:49

They don't have buffets of leftovers every day. I try & make something fresh & the leftovers go in the freezer. When I don't have a chance to cook they come out. Works for me with the ds' just dh that makes a fuss. He mostly eats out for lunch anyway as he gets luncheon vouchers from work which is nice for him!hmm

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 22-Feb-13 17:13:47

then YANBU and he should know better. Seems like you are a bit envy about his food altogether?

notnagging Fri 22-Feb-13 17:30:41

Thanks funnys. I take on board what you & others have said. Thinking about it the salmon was leftover from dh's dinner on Wednesday & the chicken was from his dinner last night. I would probably save money if I didn't cook for him at all & he just sorted his own dinners

LaQueen Fri 22-Feb-13 17:55:33

If my DH comes home to a cooked dinner, he either thinks he's walked into the wrong house, or assumes I've pranged the car grin

I'm proper in awe of these people who have meal plans, and cook every day smile

Ragwort Fri 22-Feb-13 18:03:46

Sometimes it does make sense to have a 'buffet of leftovers' if you genuinely have a lot of bits and pieces left and don't want to cook a whole new meal; today I had salmon pate for lunch (using up a tiny bit of left over salmon), DH had last night's left over fish pie and DS had yesterday's left over sausages grin - so I didn't cook anything 'new' but saved money by eeking out what we had left. Our evening meal (which was a snack as we are all out tonight) was equally varied.

Rather like the expression 'buffet of leftovers' - think I will use it myself in the future grin.

LaQueen Fri 22-Feb-13 18:05:27

Sometimes we do have Scruffy Suppers, whereby we just eat all the left-overs, and odds and ends in the fridge (most commonly happens around Xmas, birthdays, Bank Holiday times).

notnagging Sat 23-Feb-13 02:10:28

I think I prefer 'buffy of leftovers' to 'scruffy suppers'. grin

Morloth Sat 23-Feb-13 02:39:19

We call it 'frankenfood' because it is made up of all the bits and pieces of other meals.

MerryCouthyMows Sat 23-Feb-13 02:57:30

We call it 'scrundle', because all the leftover food is 'scrundled' together.

nooka Sat 23-Feb-13 04:00:29

We had finish up Friday today. All the finish ups were very nice, so no-one was being deprived. There was chilli, bolognese or shepherds pie, and they were all finished so that was very satisfactory. We do a weekly meal plan and there is no alternative choice offered generally, so it's a bit of a change.

lottiegarbanzo Sat 23-Feb-13 04:22:18

He needs to have some input into the meal planning. That way he gets things he wants and cannot claim not to see the implications of eating the ingredients for another family meal by himself.

We call it "Catch as catch can", and its a great way to use up left overs. I think a lot of people honestly don't realize how much food is wasted.
It had to be grown and shipped, packaged and sold, all that time and money and efforts and natural resources wasted, because we open the fridge, see the left overs and go "Naaahhhh".
It drives me bonkers!

Morloth Sat 23-Feb-13 05:26:36

I find when meal planning/budgeting that bolognese is my friend.

Every 3 weeks or so I make a MASSIVE quantity of the stuff, cook it for hours in the oven, then portion it up and freeze.

It is the meal that just keeps on giving.

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