to think my 'friend' should not call me a cow? Or am I being silly?

(53 Posts)
lovetomoan Fri 22-Feb-13 13:54:18

Meet friend and we both have babies. She FF and I EBF, she said I am a cow because I EBF. I just smiled and said: well, I have always been a cow (tried to make it like a joke and not a big deal).

Then we went for lunch and my baby was hungry, so I proceeded to BF in the restaurant.
She said I should cover myself. I said no, my baby needs to eat.

She said other people might not like to see me BF. I said BF is natural (she was getting on my nerves by that point).

She said even if it's natural, some people do not like to see it (I think she did not want to see me BF). I said, well, then those people can sod off blush

Should I still see said friend? I don't really care about what people feed their babies and keep my opinions to myself but I am thinking, maybe this is the time to drop a friend.

She also gave her baby a slice of lime (to see the face baby makes when tasting it) and chilly sauce. I kept my mouth shout even when I think you do not do that to a 9 month old baby.

In what way did she call you a cow? You need. New friends!

Sirzy Fri 22-Feb-13 13:56:04

She was being daft.

But at 9 months DS loved sucking on lime and lemon!

lovetomoan Fri 22-Feb-13 13:56:39

She said I am a cow because I breastfed, she mentioned the size of my breasts.

Whocansay Fri 22-Feb-13 13:57:44

Drop her like a stone. She may or may not have 'issues', but she has no business transferring them to you.

Pilfette Fri 22-Feb-13 13:57:54

I'm not clear. As cow as in sort of "you daft cow" (I'd probably say daft mare) or a cow because you are EBF therefore lactating therefore producing milk all the time. Because it seems like the latter and that's rude IMO. Also feeding a baby lime slices and chilli sauce to see the face they make - WTAF?

Pilfette Fri 22-Feb-13 13:58:07

Erk - x post

EllenParsons Fri 22-Feb-13 13:58:30

She is bloody rude! I would have been upset by the comments. Yanbu

Whocansay Fri 22-Feb-13 13:58:49

I actually think you handled it really well.

Catsdontcare Fri 22-Feb-13 14:00:58

Next time say "for someone who doesn't like breast feeding you sure enjoy getting on my tits"

next time she starts, smile sweetly and say "i'd rather be a cow than an ignorant bitch". then drop her.

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord Fri 22-Feb-13 14:02:18

Hell fire she commented on the size of your breasts too.

She isn't a friend at all

Catsdontcare - excellent! grin

catgirl1976 Fri 22-Feb-13 14:05:47

She sounds charming hmm

I'd distance myself if I were you

Dawndonna Fri 22-Feb-13 14:07:55

I was in Costa with my 28 year old ds the other day, a woman behind us was breastfeeding her son. We just thought it looked cute. Some people are very odd.

Herrena Fri 22-Feb-13 14:09:26

I'm glad you insisting on BFing and ignoring her rudeness.

Is there any chance that she is sensitive about the fact she doesn't BF and that she is trying to make you feel crap in order to make herself feel better? Not that I am in any way excusing her conduct but it might explain things.

In any case, distance yourself and find nicer friends!

Herrena Fri 22-Feb-13 14:10:02

I'm glad you insisted, that is!

MarilynValentine Fri 22-Feb-13 14:12:05

She obviously has issues about breast feeding. Maybe she has some misgivings about the feeding choice she made?

Either way, who cares. She was rude and abrasive, and dumb about the 'cover yourself up' stuff. Drop her. She sounds a nightmare.

SoleSource Fri 22-Feb-13 14:12:17

Cut her out of your ife. The cheeky cow!!

Honesty this won't get better. Life too short and do not feel guilty. Just get rid.

Bibs123 Fri 22-Feb-13 14:15:39

Sometimes I wonder if theses posts are planted to provoke discussion...

Well, to be honest, if I'm in a nice restaurant eating, I don't really want see someone breast feeding. But I know it's necessary and I certainly wouldn't comment, especially to a friend.
I'd probably only comment on the size of boobs because I'd be jealous as hell!!
If you get on well otherwise then there's no reason to drop her.
We all have different opinions and like and dislike different things. Good grief the world be a dull place if everyone was the same and life would be dull if we surrounded ourselves only with people who agreed with everything we said and did.
The name calling is very unnecessary though!

FrequentFlyerRandomDent Fri 22-Feb-13 14:20:56


All mammals breast feed. I used to imagine I was a tiger mum with her tiger cub. Actually I still do!

My guess is that she may have stopped for exactly the reasons she cited for you not to feed. You are invalidating her by your different choices.

I would speak openly and simply to her if you do like her. Babies are not babies for long, so differences in milk, etc will soon disappear.

If you do not like her company or do not share her parenting values (and it is a dal breaker for you), cut some distance.

hellsbellsmelons If you were in a restaurant and I was breast feeding the chances are high you would not have known I was doing so. I got to be very good (and I'm not the only one, far, far from it) able to feed discreetly.

OP, you friend sounds cruel to her baby, feeding it with lime and chili sauce. Perhaps next time you can remind her breast feeding in public is legal.

GloriaPritchett Fri 22-Feb-13 14:30:01

Just the cow comment and maybe I would have said it was a joke. But in combination with everything else? She's not a friend.

NopeStillNothing Fri 22-Feb-13 14:30:44

Bibs123 that was my inkling hmm

ruledbyheart Fri 22-Feb-13 15:39:26

Catsdontcare great response grin

Well I am assuming you are all very good at doing it discreetly as I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I saw someone breast feeding anywhere!!!
I don't think any 'normal' person would be horrified by it anyway.

Crinkle77 Fri 22-Feb-13 15:49:25

She sounds like the cow. It's one thing giving a baby a slice of lime but chilli sauce is something else? That is cruel cos it is painful

WorraLiberty Fri 22-Feb-13 15:52:11

I'm not sure why you have to ask really.

She's your friend so drop her or keep her, it's up to you.

She sounds like an idiot tbh, I would distance myself but first I would put my DS in this: Lactivist Tee

thebody Fri 22-Feb-13 15:54:47

Unless someone is really staring I can't see how anyone ever sees any boob during discreet bf. it's crap.

Drop your friend like a stone op she sounds a cruel bitch.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 22-Feb-13 16:02:38

YANBU, If you wanna breastfeed then do so, no one has the right to judge, and it narrow minded twunts, who put some women off.

I heard someone say that mums should go to the toilets and breastfeed, my argument "You wouldnt eat in the toilets, so why should a baby".

Sallyingforth Fri 22-Feb-13 16:04:00

Sack her as a friend and mooove on!

Mintberry Fri 22-Feb-13 17:12:40

Jokingly being called a cow I wouldn't have minded (some people do that all the time), but I would about her being all judgmental about your BF in public.

Is it that she doesn't want to BF, or can't? Maybe she's not herself because it's a touchy issue for her, if the latter. I'd cut her some slack in that case, but not if she's just judging you because you haven't made the same choice as her.

somewhereaclockisticking Fri 22-Feb-13 19:01:35

Not sure I believe this post is actually real - she gave her baby a lime and chilli sauce to see her baby's face????? If this post is real then she's immature to treat her baby in such a way but as for the BF in public, she's probably just embarrassed and worried it might be one of those establishments that get all uppity about women who bf.

fluckered Fri 22-Feb-13 19:05:26

yabu. she sounds like a wonderful friend and you would be a complete wagon to not stay friends with her.

hmm what is the point of these threads when there is an obvious lack of AIBUness!

JeeanieYuss Fri 22-Feb-13 19:30:31

Bibs123 and NopeStillNothing I concur!

flangledoodle Fri 22-Feb-13 19:40:08

Does associating with this person enhance your life. Is her friendship a positive or negative influence on it. Does seeing her make you feel better or worse about yourself?? If she is not a force for good dump her.

bbface Fri 22-Feb-13 19:45:29

I forgot the entire gist of your thread when I read the last sentence.

For that alone, I would never ever want to see that woman again.

Ha ha ha look at my baby in discomfort. Horrendous.

bbface Fri 22-Feb-13 19:47:22

Oh yes, and fluckered I completely agree. There has been a flurry of AIBU threads, which are so shockingly NOT BU that it does lead me to think that the posters are hugely exaggerating or just being daft. This one being a case in point actually,.

ChairmanWow Fri 22-Feb-13 19:51:17

<Lines up next to Fluckered and Bbface>

You don't sound that arsed about her. You don't need anyone on here to tell you.

Internationaltraveller Fri 22-Feb-13 20:09:02

I don't think it's that big of a deal. maybe just a bad joke. What is wrong with a shawl? not saying you need to be embarrassed but I think the size of my nipples while BFing was not something my BF wanted to look at and she did used to turn away - but she didn't have a baby herself so was perhaps a bit more squeamish?

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Fri 22-Feb-13 22:01:35

I think her comments are very unkind and I wouldn't want to be her friend. Giving 9 month old baby small amounts of unusual flavours is fine though.

lovetomoan Fri 22-Feb-13 22:02:16

The fact that some of you thought this is not real, makes me realise I need new friends sad

I usually give people the benefit of the doubt, that's why I kept my mouth shut when she gave her baby a slice of lime and chilly sauce. And yes, she said it was because she wanted to see 'the look on her face'.

I hate to admit it, but sometimes 'friends' have been rude to me and I usually just brush it off.

The responses I got here just made me think how stupid I have been all this time.

ThreeWheelsGood Fri 22-Feb-13 22:14:54

Don't feel stupid op - it's tough, especially when you have a baby, to keep sociable and sometimes you just want adult company. She definitely sounds toxic though - I think she has issues with her feeding choices and is taking it out in you by bring a bully.

BridgetBidet Fri 22-Feb-13 22:28:31

Chilli is dangerous for babies. There was a case recently in the US where a girl gave her boyfriends child chilli as a punishment and she died because it makes their airways close up.

If it was me I would be tempted to stay friends just to keep an eye on her kid..

gimmecakeandcandy Fri 22-Feb-13 23:21:18

Well she is a cunt with a big massive chip on her shoulder who gives ff mums a bad name with her pathetic attitude.

Dump her. She's a twat.

mylittlepuds Sat 23-Feb-13 00:52:29

People criticise out of insecurity usually

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 23-Feb-13 01:00:04

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sat 23-Feb-13 01:06:00

Unbelievable. Truely.

BartletForTeamGB Sat 23-Feb-13 09:49:39

"Chilli is dangerous for babies. There was a case recently in the US where a girl gave her boyfriends child chilli as a punishment and she died because it makes their airways close up."

Chilli isn't dangerous for babies in normal doses. DS has had chilli in curry from 6 months. Giving a toddler a spoonful of chilli powder is clearly very different.

BabyMakesTheBellyGoRound Sat 23-Feb-13 10:47:23

Im in the provocative post camp.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Sat 23-Feb-13 12:25:20

Bartlet - I totally agree. In many cultures where food is spicier than it is here chilli is added to baby's food from weaning. It's perfectly fine to give chilli to babies just not in massive amounts. A little taste of chilli sauce on mum's little finger is fine in my opinion, as is lime. My children actually love lemon and just put a whole slice in their mouths and suck.

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