to assert that decent people FOLD, and if you SCRUNCH you are a shit-fingered mingstinger?

(123 Posts)
Greensleeves Thu 21-Feb-13 19:22:21

Seriously. Don't scrunch. Eeuw.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 21-Feb-13 19:24:50

Scrunch what? Curly hair, definitely.

catgirl1976 Thu 21-Feb-13 19:25:43

I can't believe this campaign is real <boak>


And YABU of course you fold

Cannot get my head round this being a topic of conversation or an advert

Lexiesinclair Thu 21-Feb-13 19:25:58

Oh hell. I used to fold and now I scrunch, it's easier and I'm lazy

What's the problem?

Lexiesinclair Thu 21-Feb-13 19:26:33

Oh. What advert?

JenaiMorris Thu 21-Feb-13 19:26:58

Scrunch what?

huh? <boggle>

I fold it around my hand then scrunch! Where do I fit in? grin

CloudsAndTrees Thu 21-Feb-13 19:28:27


Ad I think the whole thing is genius marketing.

I'm guessing we're talking bog roll.

INeedThatForkOff Thu 21-Feb-13 19:28:53

Toilet roll?

happystory Thu 21-Feb-13 19:29:26

Think it's a horrible ad. But am a scruncher, in a minority in this house of 4. they are all wrongwink

Yes I noticed it on the pack. It is a pretty pointless thing - does anyone really care how other people wipe their bums?

DramaLlamaFarmer Thu 21-Feb-13 19:30:02

Wrap it around the toilet brush and scrub? grin

ReluctantMother Thu 21-Feb-13 19:32:12

I asked around and work and it seemed to be the blokes that scrunched and the ladies that folded.

12ylnon Thu 21-Feb-13 19:33:40

I didn't know scrunching was a thing... just... eiw

BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 21-Feb-13 19:33:50

I'm a shit fingered mingstinger then (whatever that may be...hmm)

Scrunching I can't imagine. You might get a thin bit just where you need a thick bit.

And as for winding round your hand... Does your loo block often?


Oh and while I'm here, if you fold anywhere but along the perforations, you are Wrong.

Greensleeves Thu 21-Feb-13 19:36:09

shit-fingered = shit on yer fingers

mingstinger = run the risk of transferring said shoite to your minge

scrunchers beware!!

You want to make origami swans while you're about it?

crashdoll Thu 21-Feb-13 19:38:00

Lovely thread title!!!

Booyhoo Thu 21-Feb-13 19:41:48

yes totally agree. i didn't know scrunching existed until a few years ago when a friend drunkenly asked hmm

yes that ad is awful.

Nikced Thu 21-Feb-13 19:44:06

I don't understand the scrunching, is it a learnt behaviour or on a par with tongue rolling and innate? hmm

YY to the thin bit in scrunching, no one wants a cheeky finger surprise! shock

Sadly I do not fold along the perforations, sorry Horatia grin

Booyhoo Thu 21-Feb-13 19:44:18

agree horatio

NippyDrips Thu 21-Feb-13 19:47:15

People scrunch? Like how exactly? I have not seen this advert.

bedmonster Thu 21-Feb-13 19:51:51

Drama grin

The danger with scrunching is that I would imagine you can't feel it properly in your hand and so wiping would be hazardous.

I have checked with DP, he is a folder. And therefore, is not a shit-fingered mingstinger grin

I don't get the scrunching thing here either.

DH is a folder too & thinks they've made scrunching up

gordyslovesheep Thu 21-Feb-13 20:13:30

how CAN you scrunch HOW? surely everyone folds

MyCannyBairn Thu 21-Feb-13 20:21:23

Fold. At perforations.

austenozzy Thu 21-Feb-13 20:23:47

Me too, MyCannyBairn!

I scrunch. I haven't got time to pretty up the paper I'm using to wipe my arse with!

cocolepew Thu 21-Feb-13 20:27:53

I scrunch, folding is just weird hmm

countrykitten Thu 21-Feb-13 20:29:23

SCRUNCH?? shock

BrawToken Thu 21-Feb-13 20:33:08

WTF people scrunch?

Mumcentreplus Thu 21-Feb-13 20:39:25

scrunch?..good luck with many fold control..possible finger soil...hell no!..

However you do it you are still shit fingered. Poo germs can get though 9 layers of loo roll.

HollaAtMeBaby Thu 21-Feb-13 20:41:23

YABU for getting sucked in by a stupid ad campaign. Andrex's marketing went to hell when they replaced the real puppies with CGI ones.

LauraPashley Thu 21-Feb-13 20:41:31

Scrunching makes it thicker!

BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 21-Feb-13 21:09:37

Haha at mingstinger- I didn't read it as minge-stinger but Ming-stinger... Kind of makes more sense now!

HOWEVER... scrunching has been fine for me. I don't have time to neatly fold my arse paper grin

BlackholesAndRevelations Thu 21-Feb-13 21:12:00

I find you get a better grip on scrunched paper than folded, and you'd have to fold a fair few sheets in order for wee not to soak through to your fingers, no?

Allthingspretty Thu 21-Feb-13 21:12:20

I hate this ad campaign. I wipe my arse. Not sure if i am a scruncher or folder. I suppose if i am notin a hurry imaybe fold...

Iamsparklyknickers Thu 21-Feb-13 21:14:45

I read a looong thread on another forum once with people arguing over people who stood to wipe and those who remained seated. I think the seated won out on the basis standing is going to squish any potential shite remnants between your cheeks like a child's butterfly painting.

I think my point is if you're a standing scruncher, you probably have a skid wash as well as your whites wink

HazeltheMcWitch Thu 21-Feb-13 21:15:11

I truly had not imagined that people scrunched, until I saw that advert. Then asked around. And they do.

Agree that you risk bursting though thin bits if you scrunch. And surely, you might get poked by a pointy corner, exactly where you'd rather not.

I must say, this knew understanding of the scruncherati has not made me either want to buy more loo roll, or switch to Andrex. It just makes me understand now why communal peanuts are so contaminated. And forswear to avoid them.

HazeltheMcWitch Thu 21-Feb-13 21:15:23

knew new

willesden Thu 21-Feb-13 21:19:12

Scrunching only really works with cheap thin toilet paper.

RiffyWammal Thu 21-Feb-13 21:30:35

I couldn't believe that peopled scrunched either! They must have permanently pooey fingernails.

Personally I use a cotton bud, an electric toothbrush and a Waterpik, followed by a final polish with a microfibre cloth.

i fold (and it HAS to be along the perforations!). my dh scrunches weirdo

matches our personalities perfectly i think especially as im ocd grin

VivaLeBeaver Thu 21-Feb-13 21:40:51

I'm a folder but dd informs me she's a scruncher.

I don't know where she gets it from and am now fretting I've brought her up wrong.

"Don't have time to fold"? It takes maybe five seconds. Unless you're a champion speed-peeist you have nothing better to do.

Neatly along the perforations. You have been warned.

roastednut Thu 21-Feb-13 21:45:39

Scrunch at front, fold for poo smile

bump6 Thu 21-Feb-13 21:46:46

I worked for someone in marketing! It is a question that they ask!

HazeltheMcWitch Thu 21-Feb-13 21:50:29

bump6 - what now? Someone in marketing at Andrex, or do you mean that marketeers talk about arse-wiping all the time?

Cos we don't! grin
Er, but clearly I am now.

TheCatAndTheFiddle Thu 21-Feb-13 22:11:04

Fold? I honestly can't picture the logistics of that. How do you hold onto it?

Scrunching means you have a nice bit to hold on to with plenty of paper between your fingers and your, eh, skin. It's nice and thick, there is no seepage. Surely that's obvious?

I didn't know people folded. Weird.

What is a communal peanut shock

bluemintygel Thu 21-Feb-13 22:16:36

I scrunch

Folding is anal <ahem>

DH folds (and yes I've witnessed)

HazeltheMcWitch Thu 21-Feb-13 22:31:27

MrsHelsBels74 - You know, the communal peanuts!
The ones in bowls, at bars. It could be mints. Or even bombay mix.

Every so often, a newspaper will run a story about how communal peanuts are contaminated with the faecal matter from over 7867698453 different scrunchers people, and I always wondered, how?.

Now I know.

Greensleeves Thu 21-Feb-13 22:34:59

<heave> at communal peabuts. I imagine if you put your ear next to the bowl you could actually hear them humming

but surely if there was EVER a time it is OK to be anal, it would be wiping your arse!

Title word of contention was "mingstinger" - ie you are a durty minger, but with overtones of minge-stinging because you are going to poke your pooey fingers up your muff

Sorry but the idea of "a communal peanut" just had me in tears of laughter... just the one peanut, ceremonially placed in the middle of a group of people, each periodically poking it with a pooey finger...!

Oh, folder btw. Definitely. Who the hell scrunches? Weird.

TrinityRhino Thu 21-Feb-13 22:44:19

I don't believe people scrunch, there is no way it can be done

the advert is awful


Boomerwang Thu 21-Feb-13 22:45:10

I used to scrunch when I was younger. I started to fold when money was tight and every sheet counted...

JumpHerWho Thu 21-Feb-13 22:50:04

I scrunch and I stand. I use loads of sheets though. I've tried folding, not good at all and sort of chafes

NathanDetroit Thu 21-Feb-13 22:54:15

Fold fold fold! As for does that work?

You fold into a neat thickish shape, then wipe as if using a flannel or other cloth.

Presumably scrunching is like using, I dunno, a random bit of moss you scraped off the drive? <head tilt>

RedRobin1 Thu 21-Feb-13 23:00:24

Haha this thread is hilarious. For what it's worth DH and I are folders grin

didn't think scrunching existed? What's the point of scrunching?!! How can that even work?!!?!

Sallyingforth Thu 21-Feb-13 23:01:34

Scrunching is wasteful - you can't get to use the other side!

WafflyVersatile Thu 21-Feb-13 23:13:56

You evidently have brought her up wrong. Perhaps you can send her to a correctional facility.

Before this thread I'd only encountered one confessed scruncher. She's Australian. Make of that what you will. She said 'who has time to fold?' WTF? What are you doing that's keeping your hands too busy to fold. There's surely not that much pressing business to be seen to that you have to multi-task when you're on the toilet.

I fold mine into a swan to get at any hard to reach nooks and crannies.

Actually I used to take two sheets fold in half then half again but a few years ago I realised that although that was fine when I was a child (quite some time ago) I'm a bit bigger now so I take 3 sheets fold in half and half again for front bottom and 3 sheets folded twice for bottom proper. I think you can all learn from this. HTH HAND

MerryCouthyMows Thu 21-Feb-13 23:21:36

Who the hell would scrunch?!

That advert makes me <<Boak>> to just think that people might scrunch and get shitty fingers!

IsItMeOr Thu 21-Feb-13 23:23:10

How on earth does folding and sitting work? How did I miss this part of my education.

The campaign is grim beyond belief.

I don't care how other people wipe their arse. I'm surprised anyone does.

However, if you're talking about how you put your clothes away in drawers: fold. DS1 seems to think that scrunching is acceptable.

Shodan Thu 21-Feb-13 23:30:25

Folding is twee- like using the word serviette instead of napkin.

Scrunching is the proper way to do it.

I read it in Debrett's, I'm sure.

There is a small chance I'm lying about the Debrett's bit, but NOT about the tweeness of folding

sarahbean123 Thu 21-Feb-13 23:33:15

How does folding even work? Surely you just get the flat wad of paper wedged into between your arse cheeks? Do you have to spread your cheeks first or something??

SmeeHee Thu 21-Feb-13 23:33:25

Haven't seen any adverts but knew as soon as I saw the thread title what it was about. I'm sure I heard/read somewhere that Americans are scrunchers and loo roll in the US is softer because of this.

All folders in this house. I only know this because that's how DH taught DS1 to wipe his bum - we don't discuss that kind of thing. wink

I assume that FIL is also a folder as he's a fan of the "greaseproof style" of TP and I don't imagine that works well if you scrunch it, or at all in fact... grin

ThisIsMummyPig Thu 21-Feb-13 23:33:39

I scrunch - I find that if you fold it slides over the top, and doesn't pick up the shit as well.

I have never, ever had poo on my fingers from wiping my own arse. (Different rules for nappies etc.)

EchoBitch Thu 21-Feb-13 23:41:02

YABU even to consider other people's bottom wiping arrangements.

It is none of your business.

I scrunch.

I fold and cannot imagine doing it any other way. If I'm careful I can get one wodge of toilet roll to do three wipes. I also squirt soap onto the toilet roll, if I am having difficulty with getting my bum clean.

EchoBitch Thu 21-Feb-13 23:45:29


hoobnoob Fri 22-Feb-13 00:47:14

maggie!!! Soap!?!? ...on your bum hole?!? Aaaargh sounds painful.

I fold and stay seated

Love how everyone is saying what a shit advertis, look how many of us are talking about it grin

sarahbean123 Fri 22-Feb-13 00:58:08

I just tried folding, it's impossible! How do you get a grip on a flat piece of paper?confused

chickensarmpit Fri 22-Feb-13 01:03:41

I use those bum wipes, much better on the old bumhole. Although one night i got out of bed, didn't put my glasses on and popped to the loo. I accidently used flash wipes. At that very moment, i new what ring sting was.

ripsishere Fri 22-Feb-13 01:09:05

Ha! my DH did that to DD when she was a tiny baby. We were staying at someones house and he took her off to change her bum first thing in the morning.
All I heard was fucking Nora what shall I do? he panicked because he'd decided (in his own mind) he would melt her fanny and proceeded to get in the shower and hold her upside down.

Doubletroublemummy2 Fri 22-Feb-13 01:13:41

OMG I am in stiches this is the funniest thread ever!!! Ripsishere. DH did the same to 4 yr old. Luckly I got to him before he had her upside down in the shower!!

P.S. used to do straight forward rectangluar fold, but since watching kirsty allsop last xmas I now do lotus flowers!

differentnameforthis Fri 22-Feb-13 01:35:48

I have no idea how I do it, I just use it to wipe my arse, more important things to think about than how I wipe tbh.

Iteotwawki Fri 22-Feb-13 01:54:02

Scrunch, obviously. I wash my body with a scrunchie not a flannel, it gives a better clean. Hence scrunched loo roll does the same. I do not have poo under my fingernails but then I do wash my hands.

twentythirteen Fri 22-Feb-13 02:11:15

Surely by the time we reach adulthood we've all pretty much mastered the skill of cleaning ourselves and there aren't huge swathes of the adult population walking around with mucky hands stupefied saying "I just don't get it, shit, on my hand, every time, what am I doing wrong?" It's a rediculous advert.

beansmum Fri 22-Feb-13 02:17:51

scrunching gives you a much higher surface area to volume ratio - meaning scrunchers need less paper to clean equally well. So if I were selling loo paper I would want to encourage you to fold.

nooka Fri 22-Feb-13 02:27:29

What I find quite funny about the whole loo wiping thing is that dd's approach is the same as mine, whilst ds follows dh's lead. I was brought up in a family that favoured parsimony, so I am a folder. Three bits at a time to be precise, folded along the perforations, as taught by my mother. dh on the other hand rips off reams of the stuff, scrumpled up any old how. It seems to me to be very wasteful plus risks blocking the loo.

Oh and US loo paper isn't very nice. I think that the British are much more invested in loo paper!

CalamityJ Fri 22-Feb-13 03:05:30

I used to enter data on toilet paper usage habits (we all have to earn a living somehow...) & a key question was fold/scrunch etc. However the most memorable was 'Did your hand get wet?' and entering the same person's data time after time (3 day questionnaire) you'd be surprised at how many people said 'Yes' their hand did get wet, multiple times a day! FFS! Surely you'd learn to use more paper or change your technique?? This was free loo paper people were being provided with so no need to scrimp!

PessaryPam Fri 22-Feb-13 06:18:00

Firstly this is a brilliant ad campaign as it has you all talking.

Secondly I am a huge fan of these bad boys:-

They are truly the future.

McNewPants2013 Fri 22-Feb-13 07:10:45

I scrunch and use more paper if nessasery

Bluegrass Fri 22-Feb-13 07:45:17

Surely you pass the end round the back, feed it out between your legs and then keep pulling really fast until it comes out clean?

Isn't that why toilet rolls come on rollers?

WitchOfEndor Fri 22-Feb-13 07:56:27

It never occurred to me that anyone would scrunch rather than fold until I spotted a funny little scrunched up 'thing' on the bathroom floor and picked it up Apparently, exDP liked to scrunch (it looked like he tried to wipe with one sheet) and had dropped it on the floor instead of flushing it <boak>

OhMerGerd Fri 22-Feb-13 08:27:22

I've just realised I'm bi.
Scrunch for the front and fold for the back.
I might try swapping for a day and then report back.

Absy Fri 22-Feb-13 08:41:13

I do both, depending on my mood <mysterious>

though I think LRD has the solution with the origami swan - that should be super useful at clearing difficult areas. And aesthetically pleasing!

twooter Fri 22-Feb-13 11:00:05

I thought my dh had OCD when he tried to teach the dc to fold. I never knew anyone folded. I don't have problems scrunching - it just spreads out easier to have contact with all the surfaces.

Boomerwang Fri 22-Feb-13 22:12:43

I'll go into detail for those who wonder how folders wipe their arse.

The paper is folded, approximately three or four times depending on how rubbish the paper is or how thick it is. You'll end up with a folded up bit of paper approximately the length of one sheet. You hold this piece of paper in the palm of your hand with enough hanging over the tips of your fingers. You trap the lower corner of the sheet between your thumb and your forefinger. As you wipe, your middle fingers push the paper between your bum cheeks. Thumb doesn't touch anything, and the tips of your fingers are safe.

At least that's how I do it. I don't reuse the paper as I follow it up with a floralys moist toilet wipe which gets anything left off.

squoosh Fri 22-Feb-13 22:19:44

I always scrunch, much more hygienic. Folding is obviously more susceptible to leakage through said folded paper.

A good wodge of scrunched paper with its irregular surface gives a much more effective wipe.

FellatioNels0n Fri 22-Feb-13 22:32:12

YANBU. My youngest is a scruncher and I consider it to be a major character flaw.

I would seriously question the logic/mentality of a scruncher. It is just wrong on so many levels.

FellatioNels0n Fri 22-Feb-13 22:33:31

YANBU. My youngest is a scruncher and I consider it to be a major character flaw.

I would seriously question the logic/mentality of a scruncher. It is just wrong on so many levels.

FellatioNels0n Fri 22-Feb-13 22:39:24

And scrunching is SOOO wasteful. Folding, when done properly, allows you to use several sides fd the same batch of paper, with no cross contamination, whereas scrunching is an ineffecient use of a great wodge of paper that cannot be cleanly or easily turned over.

You scrunchers are a back-handed disgrace.

squoosh Fri 22-Feb-13 22:46:17

How do you really feel Fellatio? grin

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sat 23-Feb-13 07:41:11

Can you imagine the research that they had to do in order to find out an alternative way to folding? confused I never thought they were different techniques. Did someone from their marketing department overshared? Or did they come to MN to check what poo trolls think?

Ilovexmastime Sat 23-Feb-13 08:32:35

Bloody hell, are we judging each other on how we wipe our arses now?!
What next... how do you insert your tampon?

RiffyWammal Sat 23-Feb-13 10:05:49

Got up this morning to find my teenage DS had neglected to flush after a late-night toilet experience. To my horror I find that he is a wasteful scruncher! Although I shouldn't be surprised as he has always been awkward - he's left-handed for a start.

giraffesCantFlipPancakes Sat 23-Feb-13 11:47:09

The advert is disgusting!! I do not want to know!! Yuck!!!

EnjoyResponsibly Sat 23-Feb-13 11:52:28

We are discussing 2 very basic choices. When you tear into the loo bursting, imagine being faced with these dilemmas.

FellatioNels0n Sat 23-Feb-13 12:01:16

confused My last post should have said cack handed. Not back handed. That is nonsense, obviously. Where as cack handed is right, both metaphorically and literally. grin

I know this is a light hearted thread. So why does the impertinence of a stranger on the internet telling me how to perform my own bodily functions make me so un feasibly angry? I suppose if it was there own -un-amusing thought but it's the sad manipulation by an advertising company that really winds me up. Just fuck off and stop talking about it all of you. It really is beneath you.

I know this is a light hearted thread. So why does the impertinence of a stranger on the internet telling me how to perform my own bodily functions make me so un feasibly angry? I suppose if it was there own -un-amusing thought but it's the sad manipulation by an advertising company that really winds me up. Just fuck off and stop talking about it all of you. It really is beneath you.

Oh I can't do strikethroughs. Bollocks.

Oh I can't do strikethroughs. Bollocks.

HazeltheMcWitch Sat 23-Feb-13 12:23:58

Woah there, dreamofwhitehorses It is a light-hearted thread yes, and yet you felt the need to post on it to tell us all to fuck off? How very lovely.

Either you have deep-seated (arf) issues re toileting, or you're very angry about something. Is everything ok?

Greensleeves Sat 23-Feb-13 13:59:27

pmsl at you dreaming

epic fail there

Ministrone Sat 23-Feb-13 14:57:03

Well precisely Ilovexmas, is nothing private anymore?

Ilovexmastime Sat 23-Feb-13 16:04:10

Obviously not, I daren't even look at the tmi thread...

HecateWhoopass Sat 23-Feb-13 16:44:24

Who is the genius who thought it would be a good idea to get the nation talking about how exactly they wipe the shit off their arse? grin I don't get it.

Skullnbones Sat 23-Feb-13 16:50:37

I use the daily mail...

Sallyingforth Sat 23-Feb-13 18:28:17

That's no good skull. You'll end up with more shit than you started with.

FarleyD Sat 23-Feb-13 18:36:41

I don't do anything as vulgar as poo.

FreakoidOrganisoid Sat 23-Feb-13 18:41:46

They didn't even take into account the weirdos like my exh who wrap it around their hand to make a kind of mitten.

I once asked him how the fuck he managed to use so much loo roll just going for a shit and was totally gobsmacked when he told me his technique.

squoosh Sat 23-Feb-13 22:20:22

Would that be called a shitten Freakoid?

FreakoidOrganisoid Mon 25-Feb-13 15:41:49

grin [vomit]

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