to be furious with the holiday club and the selfish mother

(76 Posts)
Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 18:58:34

so ds (13) was at his holiday club today when in the car i asked him how his day had been

he told me that some mum had booked 8 children in and also given birthday invites to 8 of the children that are regulars and are already regsitered

and paid for then all and then at luch time came back with a cake and mc donalds just for the said children shock whilest the other children at the hoilday club just had to watch them having there birthday party

so basically instead of paying for cenetre to put on a party the mother used the hoilday club as a cheap way of having a do

i am pissed of with the hoilday club for letting it happen and also what kind of mother would do that so 9 other children could stand and watch.

it was ds last day today thank god or i would be having words just out of order

CheddarGorgeous Wed 20-Feb-13 19:01:28

shock

slimshady Wed 20-Feb-13 19:03:59

Wow.
That's shite.

meddie Wed 20-Feb-13 19:07:09

Maybe that was the only way she could have her childs birthday at the centre and afford it. Or maybe knowing that 8 of her childs friends were already booked in, it was the only way all her friends would be together to celebrate her birthday.
She's 13. Old enough to understand, not like she was 4 and couldnt understand why she got no cake.

ENormaSnob Wed 20-Feb-13 19:08:19

What kind of holiday club is this?

Very very odd.

squeakytoy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:08:30

I am more surprised that 13 years old need to go to holiday clubs..

Sugarice Wed 20-Feb-13 19:09:59

Incredibly cheeky I agree shock

What were the holiday club supposed to do? They want the money and went along with it.

Complain then don't use that club again is your answer.

germyrabbit Wed 20-Feb-13 19:10:25

most definitely odd! i would ask the leader why that happened if it were me.

Goldmandra Wed 20-Feb-13 19:10:56

That is dreadful.

I can't imagine why the manager of the club agreed to this. There is no excuse for treating children in this way.

Even if this was the only way she could think of to give her child a birthday celebration she should have been told that she had to buy for all or none. If this wasn't possible the manager should have said no.

I know your DS won't be going back but i still think you should let them know how he feels for the sake of other children in the future.

BoneyBackJefferson Wed 20-Feb-13 19:11:24

YANBU

But

How do you know that the club knew about it?

Well when DS used to go to soft play centres there was usually a group of children there for a party, they got cake and food while the other kids didn't.

It's not really much different is it?

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:14:54

squeakytoy not sure why he dosent need to go he likes to he enjoys the swimming, football and mini golf they have they have the trampolines out ect finds it much more fun than sitting at home or wondering round the park in the cold with mates from school also the amount we pay for the club which is cheap i would not be able to afgord all the activtives if i had to take hime and some friends sepratletly


The club is usually very good and i am very surprised this happend

Goldmandra Wed 20-Feb-13 19:15:02

It's not really much different is it?

It is different when the children are all in the care of the same people. I would never in million years allow some childminded children to look on while others celebrated a birthday together.

At soft play centres your child is in your care and can go away if they don't want to watch, be given alternative treats and won't know the children celebrating and therefore feel excluded.

That's just rude. If I'd been one of the invited children then I would have felt uncomfortable and if I'd been one of the others then I would have felt excluded.

It would have been far better just to bring a cake for everyone to share after lunch on her child's birthday and do a party or treat for a few friends on a different day.

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:17:35

BoneyBackJefferson well the club must of been when she walked in at lunch time with a cake and mc donalds confused

overmydeadbody i dont think so because you can actually book the soft play for partys amd usually they have a little seprate bit for the food and cake


I

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:18:18

To have some kids with party hats and all sorts its just mean in my view

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:20:22

I would have first ask the staff of i could book a fe children and asked if i could bring a cake in and it would have been for every one to have a slice

And the worse thing is the kids who were haveing the mini party were goading the other kids saything things like mmmmm so nice want some cake oh no your not invited WTF

Sugarice Wed 20-Feb-13 19:20:48

Life is a bitch at times I agree.

Move on, get your dc a Maccie, he'll soon forget the stress of being left out of a party he wasn't part of.

cory Wed 20-Feb-13 19:20:56

What overmydeadbody said. Soft play centres, bowling alleys, McDonald's etc have birthday parties and other customers all mixed in together, some get cake, some don't.

What I can't quite get over is the image of a 13yo gazing sadly over at the birthday group and getting all upset because she can't join somebody else's party.

I was in a restaurant the other day. There was a hen party in the opposite corner. They didn't invite me to share the champagne. I didn't get upset because I'm not a baby. Neither is a 13yo.

germyrabbit Wed 20-Feb-13 19:23:17

that's a bit sneery cory especially the itallicising of the age

i have worked in holiday clubs and we just wouldn't do it. not would any parent even think it was a good thing. the most we've had it cake or sweets to share.

Cuddlyrunner Wed 20-Feb-13 19:23:45

How old was the child whose birthday it was?

cory Wed 20-Feb-13 19:25:41

Sorry about the sneeriness. I just don't know any children of that age who would still have parties with party hats etc- or would envy younger children who still have them; I find that hard to get my head round.

squeakytoy Wed 20-Feb-13 19:28:05

Well for those activities I can see the point, so fair enough. But as others have said, most 13 year olds would not be seen dead in a party hat blowing out candles...

Goldmandra Wed 20-Feb-13 19:28:28

After school clubs usually have children from four years upwards. I imagine there were younger children than 13 left out. I doubt very much whether this mother checked that no little ones would be watching from the sidelines or worried about others being upset.

If I booked my child into holiday club I would expect them to be treated fairly and with consideration and would not be happy to hear that the management allowed this to happen.

Sugarice Wed 20-Feb-13 19:28:42

My 13 yo would think thank God I hadn't embarrassed him by showing up with a maccie party.

Is this real?

Cuddlyrunner Wed 20-Feb-13 19:30:49

Actually, I don't see anything wrong with it, Child is asked what he wanted to do for birthday, he picks the centre, Mum books kids in and provides party food for their lunch.
How old was the child though? I don't think a 13 year old would have wanted the whole party bags and caboodle type affair.
If I go out to Frankie and Bennies for example and someone has a birthday cake, I don't get a stressie on.

ENormaSnob Wed 20-Feb-13 19:31:12

So is it paid childcare then?

If so then I don't really think its at all comparable to soft play or bowling etc.

WorraLiberty Wed 20-Feb-13 19:33:08

I took my 13yr old and my 10yr old bowling the other day

The kids in the lane next to us were celebrating a birthday

Should they not have done that because there were other kids around? confused

germyrabbit Wed 20-Feb-13 19:36:13

yes of course there are differences hmm

a paid for holiday provision should treat all children equally and fairly and you could go on about healthy eating if you really wanted to make a point

i suspect the 13 year old was more jealous of the mds lunch than the hats

Cuddlyrunner Wed 20-Feb-13 19:36:34

I get the impression it is a holiday club that you can dip in or out of providing you are initially registered.
If it provides all those different activities I guess it would have seemed like a great treat for birthday boy, I certainly would have considered it when mine were that age.
Lots of activities, somewhere to have lunch and other adults there to supervise :-)

TomArchersSausage Wed 20-Feb-13 19:38:00

How old were the party children?

I don't think I'd (or rather dc) be too perturbed by this tbh.

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:40:26

Cuddlyrunner the hoilday club my son attends is from 10- 15 years Its a sports thing they also have a football school on fridays

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:42:36

ENormaSnob no you pay for which days you want on certian days they do certain sports have coachs pand youth workers mostly sports but on mondays they do mixing and dj ing

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:43:40

You can pay for for whole day of half a day

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 20-Feb-13 19:45:25

Is it you that's upset or your ds?
Because I honestly don't think when my ds was 13, he would have given a shit.
The ones that were 'left out' were in the majority, why would they even be bothered by a bit of birthday cake and MacDonalds?

cory Wed 20-Feb-13 19:46:00

So no child younger than 10 will have been upset by this party? I think they should be able to handle it at that age.

Yes, possibly bad form on the part of the organisers, but hardly worth getting furious on behalf of children who are old enough to have a mature and independent approach to life's little injustices.

germyrabbit Wed 20-Feb-13 19:47:21

whatever professionally it's not a good policy to allow this, would a school?

holidays clubs have to be professionally run these days and there are policies/rules etc that should be met.

lastSplash Wed 20-Feb-13 19:49:41

This sounds completely fine and I don't see any problem at all.

They are 13 not 5.

wigglesrock Wed 20-Feb-13 19:50:53

I'm a bit confused - is the birthday party just the Mum paying for 8 extra kids then bringing in cake and McDs for their lunch?

No, can't really see the huge problem, its a bit cheeky but also quite a good idea. Do they other attendees bring their own lunch in if they're there for the whole day?

CheerfulYank Wed 20-Feb-13 19:51:12

The OP never said her son was upset...

Cuddlyrunner Wed 20-Feb-13 19:51:42

It's not a school though, it's a club selling spaces for its activities. Mum bought spaces for eight children for the day and brought in their lunch. It just happened to be Macdonalds and birthday cake.
I don't think OP said that they did birthday party games or anything with them. How old was the birthday child????

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:52:58

No my ds is not upset he was a little gutted that he didnt get some cake but I AM NOT happy and dont think this is good form at all

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 19:54:49

I have no clue how old the birthdy child was/is because ds sighned himself out and meet me by the pool for his swimming lesson after and i dint really ask the age

Cuddlyrunner Wed 20-Feb-13 19:56:21

Ask now.
I still think it was just as I put in my post above yours.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 20-Feb-13 19:57:17

I doubt he was gutted about not getting party cake Op.
He is 13.
I think you're projecting your feelings on to this, let him be a teenager.

whois Wed 20-Feb-13 19:58:27

OP get a grip.

Mum paid for birthday boy and friends, and bought them in some cake. Feel free to take in a special lunch for your DS tomorrow.

What the fuck is your problem? That your precious ickle perfect thirteen year old snowflake didn't get a mouthful of cake? If someone had take a bag of sweets in and shared them with their friends, not the whole camp, would you be pissy?

I

YABU & over reacting massively. not good form ooher

This is real world stuff. I agree it would've been nice if the cake at least had have been for everyone, but then someone would've been on here saying

^I paid to send my DS to a sports based holiday club & some evil witch force fed him cake, CAKE! I only allow organic carrots. Aibu to complain?!'

Never mind if she'd brought them all Maccie Ds!

grin

merrymouse Wed 20-Feb-13 20:01:09

I doubt that the 13 year old has been traumatised, but I too would be mildly annoyed if I had paid for my child to take part in something like this.

Age has nothing to do with it. Imagine that there are 17 of you in a department, and somebody brings in cake and fizz for 8 while the rest of you munch your sandwiches/work. It's just plain bad manners, whether the participants were 8 or 80.

germyrabbit Wed 20-Feb-13 20:02:24

wow some anger managment issues from some posters on this thread

Domjolly Wed 20-Feb-13 20:02:32

LadyBeagleEyes oh yes if forgot you mo my ds better than me silly me seeing as yu no him better can you tell me what tariners i should get him tomrrow

Cuddlyrunner Wed 20-Feb-13 20:04:19

But they weren't friends in a department, eight places on a day's activities were booked, Mum who was feeding them all brought them in lunch which was mcdonalds and birthday cake. If she had packed up eight packed lunches consisting of party food and a slice of birthday cake in eight packed lunch boxes would that have made you happy?
She booked places and provided a lunch-end of.

cory Wed 20-Feb-13 20:04:57

Happens all the time, merrymouse: special lunches to talk over a problem, people buy coffees for some colleagues and not for others, or share a bottle of wine with some of them.

Anyway, I think the problem here is that the OP is emotionally involved with the minutia of her ds' day in a way that seems age inappropriate. I think she needs to step back.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 20-Feb-13 20:06:41

Dom, take him out and let him choose his own grin
Obviously, you have the last word on price etc, but you can discuss that together, surely?

ReallyTired Wed 20-Feb-13 20:06:47

That is beyond crap.

I think that it is horrible. I doult that a 13 year old would be that bothered, however the 13 year old may well have been bothered seeing a six year old upset. Teens often have empathy with younger children who felt left out.

Young children feel upset when they are left out of parties. I assume the birthday child often goes to this playscheme. Prehaps the birthday child knows some of the nine children as aquaintainces and maybe those aquaintainces were upset. It is a kick in the teeth when someone who you thought was your friend makes it clear that you aren't at six years old.

germyrabbit Wed 20-Feb-13 20:07:22

if it's a professionally run club it isn't on, end of really

think some posters need to step back personally

Cuddlyrunner Wed 20-Feb-13 20:08:20

They're not six, OP said the scheme was for 10 years to 15. She brought in lunch for the kids she had booked in!

sunshine401 Wed 20-Feb-13 20:09:19

That should not of happened complain.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 20-Feb-13 20:10:43

The youngest in the club is 10 ReallyTired.
Eight had Macdonalds and cake, 9 didn't.

MajaBiene Wed 20-Feb-13 20:13:58

So this is an activity holiday club for 10-15 year olds, and some of the kids there that day (less than half of them) ate a special lunch together because it was one child's birthday?

Sorry, do not see the problem at all!

ReallyTired Wed 20-Feb-13 20:14:51

"he told me that some mum had booked 8 children in and also given birthday invites to 8 of the children that are regulars and are already regsitered "

No 16 got macdonalds and 9 got left out. I have to admit I have not read the entire thread that the chidlren were all between 10 and 15 years old. It is still horrible at any age.

Yes, we all experience not being invited to a party, but there is a difference between not being invited and being forced to watch other people enjoying themselves.

firawla Wed 20-Feb-13 20:17:13

I really don't see how its a big deal - yabu, overreacting

cory Wed 20-Feb-13 20:18:42

So if the club should have stopped the mum from bringing in some burgers and cake, what about if the children themselves had brought in sweets or cakes or whatever? Children that age usually have their own money, should that be prevented too?

merrymouse Wed 20-Feb-13 20:20:06

I'm not talking about going out for coffee with one or two people, or office meetings. I'm talking about birthdays.

If its your birthday you bring in cake for everyone in the department. (Unless I and my close family have just been lucky enough to work in some particularly friendly offices, but I don't think this is the case...).

I can also imagine that the arrival of a birthday cake and McDonalds would hijack the lunch time a little. (I am reading this as 8 regulars plus 8 extras (16) shared the cake, and 9 children were left to kick their heels/wonder whether they were also supposed to sing happy birthday, despite not being on the A-list).

sunshine401 Wed 20-Feb-13 20:20:36

Yes, we all experience not being invited to a party, but there is a difference between not being invited and being forced to watch other people enjoying themselves.
Well said. smile

MajaBiene Wed 20-Feb-13 20:22:05

Depends what the normal set up for lunch is - are they allowed to go out for lunch, do they have to all sit together, is lunch provided or packed lunches?

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 20-Feb-13 20:25:04

Well, IMO, at that age, the uninvited would have hung around together, trying to look like the cool ones, and would have bonded over that.
And then forgotten all about it the next time they came to the club.

merrymouse Wed 20-Feb-13 20:29:55

The difference between soft play centres, bowling centres etc. etc. etc. is that although there may be other children/people having parties there, you do not know them from Adam.

If I walked into a restaurant and saw some people having a hen party, and I had just met them on a team building course, I would be a bit upset if they didn't at least say hello to me, and it would be completely normal for them to invite me over for a cocktail, even though I wouldn't expect to be part of the hen party.

If on the other hand, they decided to bring hen party t-shirts and games to my team building course and supply them to 16 of the participants and leave out 9 people, I have to say I would be more than a little peeved. (Well, I would be peeved if I had to wear a t-shirt too, but either way, it would be bad manners).

ssd Wed 20-Feb-13 20:29:56

op, I totally get what you mean, but really your ds would have died of embarrassment if you'd walked in with a happy meal each and a silly hat

trust me on that

he'd probably fancy a bit of the cake though grin

ReallyTired Wed 20-Feb-13 20:30:45

"Well, IMO, at that age, the uninvited would have hung around together, trying to look like the cool ones, and would have bonded over that.
And then forgotten all about it the next time they came to the club. "

I am sure that the children would have put on a brave face, but some of them may have still felt hurt inside.

I seriously wonder how many posters on this thread have experience with this age group. Teens and pre teens still have feelings and capable of feeling hurt.

I am shocked at how some posters are so devoid of empathy towards the uninvited chidlren.

ssd Wed 20-Feb-13 20:31:07

apart from the tightfisted mother in question, I'd say the manager of the club was at fault for letting this happen

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 20-Feb-13 20:35:07

Mum of 17 year old teen ds ReallyTired.
And believe me, any teen issues I've had do not include missing a piece of birthday cake at a holiday club.
Sheesh.

apostropheuse Wed 20-Feb-13 20:44:08

Much ado about nothing.

FeckOffCup Wed 20-Feb-13 22:15:09

YANBU I think it's a bit off to bring in a birthday cake for some children and not others. Birthday mum should have either shared the cake with all the children at the club or had the ones she wanted back to her house after it finished to do the cake.

nancy75 Wed 20-Feb-13 22:28:23

If it is the type of club where lunch is supervised by the staff I'm surprised the mum was allowed in, I work for a company that runs this kind of thing and anyone spending time with the kids has to be crb checked by our company, we certainly don't let parents turn up and sit with the kids during lunch time. We would let a parent drop off food, but that would be all.

mercibucket Wed 20-Feb-13 22:31:15

oh honestly!
they are teenagers on a day holiday club
one of the mums brought in some mcd for lunch. guess you could have done that too, op?
then they had abit of cake

i really don't seethe big deal over their lunch

its prob not fun if a holiday club is dominated by a group of kids who all know each other, birthday or not, so i can see why its a bit disappointing, but thats pretty unconnected to what they ate for lunch

HollyBerryBush Wed 20-Feb-13 22:33:41

I cant imagine any of my boys getting excited about another kids birthday cake - especially not at 11/13/15

So, Op - did your kiddlet feel all left out or was it a passing comment he made to you?

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