AIBU to expect my 16yod not to destroy bathroom with hair dye?

(63 Posts)
Iftheresamurderdontlookatme Tue 19-Feb-13 08:20:40

This isn't just once it's several times and she's been talked to, shouted at and virtually thrown out for her destruction and lack of respect to property, she is lucky to have her own bathroom, over the years there's been all sorts of mess and just before we put house up for sale we replaced her broken bath panel and put new flooring down and decorated, looked great, she has now stained the wall, the white work top and the white flooring with f***ing pink hair dye in vast quantities, we have just sold house and survey done last week (pre hair dye incident), I can't leave it like this for new people and will have to replace the lot.
We are bloody furious. How many times do you have to tell the little f***ers before they get it?

MrsMushroom Tue 19-Feb-13 08:44:54

Oh how horrendous! I well remember doing similar with pillar box red dye at the same age. Have you told her to ask for help when she dyes her hair? Some people just can't do it neatly....I'm like a ninja now...I've done it so many times, it's on and off before you can blink but a 16 year old needs help in all likelyhood.

Can you make her give up some money towards replacing the fittings.

Iftheresamurderdontlookatme Tue 19-Feb-13 08:52:24

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

I think you've got the solution right there - keep the money!

As an aside, my best mate at uni spent our first year repeatedly dyeing her hair crazy colours. Her entire top layer of hair broke off at the root shock.

LtEveDallas Tue 19-Feb-13 09:09:45

Ok, calm the hell down. You are going overboard here and talking about your 16 year old the way you do is pretty bloody disgusting.

Its quite simple, get her to clean it or to pay for the cleaning. Hair dye does come off - try Head and Shoulders, or bleach and elbow grease. But do NOT call your child retarded, its a fucking horrible word that you should be ashamed of using.

FeckOffCup Tue 19-Feb-13 09:09:46

Yes I would keep the ebay money if she has damaged the bathroom with hair dye before and still isn't careful.

catsmother Tue 19-Feb-13 09:10:31

I would, if she's been warned over and over before.

1st time ..... okay, I wouldn't be happy about it but hair dye virgins, and especially young ones, probably don't fully realise that dye stains everything it touches. She might have naiively thought it'd just wipe down/wash out. But this sounds completely different and isn't rocket science. I'm sure you've advised her to either lay down old towels or sheets (which can be kept specifically for this purpose and used again) on the floor and across worktops. Similarly, old newspaper does the job too. Her lookout if she likes having pink hands though silly girl.

16 is old enough to understand that replacing flooring isn't cheap. I'd keep her money and TBH, cruel mum that I am, I'd probably be thinking of other sanctions too to try and instill some care and respect into her. After all, you don't want your new house going the same way and next time, there might not be eBay money to fall back on.

DesiderataHollow Tue 19-Feb-13 09:12:16

OH still does this at 43! Arrrgh.
I've now mastered the art, and don't wear gloves because I make a lot more mess when I do.

I ruined a couple of bathrooms while learning my mad skillz though.

YANBU to expect her to try and not cover the bathroom with dye. YABU to expect her to suceed.

Bonemachine Tue 19-Feb-13 09:13:39

The way you talk about her is horrible.

BlackholesAndRevelations Tue 19-Feb-13 09:13:48

I agree you are very bloody unreasonable for calling your daughter stupid and retarded.

JenaiMorris Tue 19-Feb-13 09:14:09

You sound horrible. I'm not surprised she doesn't respect your wishes tbh.

DIYapprentice Tue 19-Feb-13 09:15:10

I wouldn't just be keeping the ebay money - I'd be making her pay for a fair proportion of the replacement cost, and she would have some SEVERE punishments. I'd probably ground her, and ban her from dying her hair in the house. She can bloody well save up for it and have it done by a hairdressers - it would cost her less money in the end.

diddl Tue 19-Feb-13 09:20:40

Yes I would keep the money.

Sounds as if she does it deliberately tbh.

Where does she keep getting the money from to dye her hair though?

diddl Tue 19-Feb-13 09:22:05

I´d also she her how much the replacements will cost & ask her how she is going to pay for it all.

sleepsforwimps2010 Tue 19-Feb-13 09:23:33

op. have to tried hairspray/ polish?
there is something about the 'gas' in aerosol hairspray and polish that lifts dyes.....
i once put a wet plastic bag on a white work top, when i moved it a perfect transfer of the shop logo was left behind!
tried bleach and every surface cleaner; made no difference, nothing shifted it! i was pricing up replacment surface when my gran told me to try hairspray....
i thought she was mad but humoured her; and one spray and wipes straight off ! its like magic honestly. so try that before you replace anything!
then keep the ebay cash for 'clean up costs' and spend it on wine to deal with the stress she's caused!

Trumpton Tue 19-Feb-13 09:23:45

Flash spray bleach is ace at removing hair dye from walls and tiles and floors . Spray on and leave for quite a long time . ( I am a very messy hair dye person ) and then total ban on dying hair and screw her en suite shut if she won't respect it !

Iftheresamurderdontlookatme Tue 19-Feb-13 09:23:59

LtEveDallas, bone machine and BlackholeofRevelation, I can see your view point, however, it is only February and this is the third time this year, I have paid for hairdressers, I took her once and within a DAY she had died it a stupid colour again, the day of her prom last year saw me bleaching out the green and getting her to blond, god knows how but we managed it, she was pink the next day. I've stopped bothering what she looks like, I have given her as much advice as I can, it's up to her now, she's totally fucking her life up in all areas, I can't reason with her at all. I am not inhuman and have made more allowances than most parents are ever asked, I think I have the right to think as I do about her.

diddl Tue 19-Feb-13 09:24:39

That sounds like a good thing for the daughter to try, sleeps

ThreeWheelsGood Tue 19-Feb-13 09:24:42

A bit of elbow grease will get the hairdye off the bathroom. Her elbow grease! She is old enough to understand the bathroom needs to be spotless for next owner, ask her calmly, keep the Ebay money to pay for new towels.

Were you never a teenager OP? Lots of replies here reminiscing about doing similar, I certainly did, but I was told in no uncertain terms to clean up afterwards.

Iftheresamurderdontlookatme Tue 19-Feb-13 09:24:55

By the way, nothing shifts the dye, even graffiti remover and thinkers haven't touched it

Iftheresamurderdontlookatme Tue 19-Feb-13 09:27:06


mrsjay Tue 19-Feb-13 09:28:00

.*your probably thinking she's retarded.....she's actually not,*

cant even be bothered answering now

Hair dye does come out, I dye mine black and it comes off the bath and pvc windowsills with a little elbow grease.

You ABVVU to call your daughter stupid and retarded. Do you speak to her like that?

BaresarkBunny Tue 19-Feb-13 09:29:07

I can't really comment because this was me at sixteen.

BaresarkBunny Tue 19-Feb-13 09:30:13

Obviously just the hair dye bit my parents would never have called me that even when they were angry.

AbbyCat Tue 19-Feb-13 09:35:39

I think there are underlying issues with your relationship. She clearly doesn't respect you. Not trying to be rude but you need to repair the relationship or you may find your dd posting about her toxic mother in forums in a few years time! I don't think it's about the hair dye at all. This is probably the culmination of several incidents that have driven you apart. Good luck and I hope you manage to reconnect with her. After all she is your little baby!

MrsMelons Tue 19-Feb-13 09:37:24

I am 33 and I still do this, just about to have a new bathroom so I will have to just go to the hairdressers as DH will kill me otherwise. I even buy the foams which don't drip but I still seem to get at least one bit somewhere. It comes off if you clean it straight away but I have painted over the glass paintwork numerous times to cover the bits I miss.

I would be cross if I had a teenage DD that did this if I have asked them not to, I am a bit lapse as our bathroom is falling apart and needs a complete overhaul anyway.

Sixparrotspullingupcarrots Tue 19-Feb-13 09:38:09

OP didn't call her retarded.
your probably thinking she's retarded.....she's actually not, if she was I could make allowances
She did call her stupid. I think she probably is for having made this mistake several times over, knowing her parents have sold the house.

Op, make her pay for the damage, stop paying to fix bad dye jobs, it's the only way she will realise that there are consequences to her actions.

Is it still half term?

Hair dying is messy. I still make a mess and I'm nearly 30. If you want her to take responsibility, make her pay for her own towels, pay for the damage etc as sixparrots says. I have to because I'm an adult. I've ruined SO many towels.

Pink is the worst for staining.

Iftheresamurderdontlookatme Tue 19-Feb-13 09:44:11

Notsofrownyface - unfortunately yes sad
Sixparrots and abbeycat thanks

I'm bloody 37 and still have the odd mishap with hair dye. Oh, and I use 'crazy' colours too so god knows what unpleasant things you would call me at my age. I use directions dye which stains terribly but neat bleach and a toothbrush on hard surfaces has not let me down yet. It just takes abit of elbow grease.

Astr0naut Tue 19-Feb-13 09:47:50

I am goinign to show DH this thread, as he thinks I'm the only pweson in the world who makes a mess.

I've ben dyeing for 20 years.

The world dye ever is that directions stuff that came in pots. In universiaty there were 4 of us using it to dye our hair red, dark tulip, blue and pink.

livinginwonderland Tue 19-Feb-13 09:49:43

First, stop being so rude about your daughter, you're not doing yourself any favours. Second, stop pandering to her - if she wants to have the privilege of her own bathroom and to dye her hair, she needs to be able to look after her things. When I was sixteen, I dyed my hair red one summer and yes, I got it everywhere. My punishment? Replace the towels I ruined, and clean the bathroom, which is fair enough. You can't call her stupid and retarded and threaten to throw her out over some hair dye.

If she refuses to clean up, get a lock and lock her bathroom, and tell her she can't use it (or dye her hair) until it's cleaned up and fixed. If she refuses, well, tough, no more hair dye for her.

I also think you really need to take a look at your overall relationship with her, it does't sound healthy.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts Tue 19-Feb-13 09:51:14

Please calm down and stop being so nasty about your daughter. Calling her stupid isn't ok, no matter how frustrated you feel by the continual mess-making.

Is it the Directions hair dye she's using? That stuff is a swine to clean up - ironically the 'permanent' dyes I use wipe off the sink, floor and walls (where I am prone to liberally splashing when I dye my hair).

She's 16, so she's old enough to get a PT job to pay you back for replacing the towels and any bathroom fittings that are beyond rescue.

LottieJenkins Tue 19-Feb-13 09:51:24

I hate the use of the word retarded and will always pick people up on it. I wonder if she is doing the mess to get a rise out of you on purpose. I feel sorry for your daughter having a mother who thinks so little of her and calls her DISGUSTING names!!!

QuickLookBusy Tue 19-Feb-13 09:55:31

I hope you don't speak to your dd in the same way you have talked about her on this thread.

My dd has ruined her bathroom floor with hair dye, yes I was angry, no I did think she was a retard or say she needed her arms amputated.

I just bought a rug and covered over the dye.

If you knew she was messy you shouldn't have redecorated the bathroom in all white.

HollyBerryBush Tue 19-Feb-13 09:56:15

Everyone and anyone is allowed to vent spleen on anoymous forum. Saves all that angst building up inside.

Not eveyone is a walking encycopaedia or paragon of virtue of politically correct terminology either.

TuftyFinch Tue 19-Feb-13 10:03:36

You lost me at retarded ...

specialsubject Tue 19-Feb-13 10:03:48

the child has been told repeatedly and is still destructive, and there's no excuse. She gets in there with as much effort as possible to clean up, and all financial input is stopped until the cost of any remaining damage is covered. Might take years of no pocket money, tough.

the child may not be stupid but the behaviour certainly is. OP is excused for going into orbit.

TuftyFinch Tue 19-Feb-13 10:08:18

Holly you don't have to be a 'paragon of virtue' to know using the term retarded is simply unacceptable. In any context. Ever.

YouTheCat Tue 19-Feb-13 10:11:12

What Tufty said.

I was all set to be sympathetic (have a teen who ruined 3 towels with hair bleach last week) but I can't be bothered now.

livinginwonderland Tue 19-Feb-13 10:13:24

specialsubject you could also argue that the OP is a bit stupid for letting her daughter dye her hair in a bathroom that has just been redone, knowing that she is clumsy and gets the dye everywhere all the time. Especially in a white bathroom in a house they're just about to sell.

When I was sixteen, I was ridiculously clumsy (still am at 24!) and always spilt things or knocked things over. Yelling at me never helped, it just made me ten times more paranoid and even more likely to do it and not care, because all that happened was I got in trouble.

QuickLookBusy Tue 19-Feb-13 10:16:20

Holly of course we are all allowed to vent on here. That doesn't give you the excuse to use disgusting terms.

And if for whatever reason, you've been locked in a cupboard for years and don't realise the term retard is offensive, then posters have every right to point out how inappropriate it is.

You cannot expect your 16 year old to respect you when its clear you dont respect her.

I suggest you catch a grip because if you continue like this you wont have to worry about her using the bathroom at all. She will be gone.

WhatsTheBuzz Tue 19-Feb-13 11:51:23

with holly though obviously, it is no longer an acceptable term...
also find it hard to believe that all posters who have flamed op have
NEVER been less than perfectly pleasant about at least one person in
their lives - laughable!

I have never been nasty about my own children no...

YouTheCat Tue 19-Feb-13 11:54:12

Never used the word 'retarded'. Never called my kids 'stupid'.

WhatsTheBuzz Tue 19-Feb-13 11:58:05

but it IS stupid behaviour!

YouTheCat Tue 19-Feb-13 11:59:31

It's annoying behaviour. It is disrespectful behaviour. Her dd showed a lack of thought.

Not necessarily stupid though.

I m 40 sitting here with dye on i always have a splat here and there both of my dds dye they hair

i brought special towels for them from asda a large for the floor and and another for their shoulders when they came out of the bathroom

i nipped in and cleaned it up with younger dd i used to watch her and clean spillages when they happened both are good at it now.

I never shouted at them if they spilled some.

Dd1 never used the gloves untill i got some from the pertol station they were the proper sort not like in the dye packets.

dikkertjedap Tue 19-Feb-13 12:09:08

You don't seem to like your daughter, your daughter probably doesn't like you.

There is no mutual respect.

I don't think this is about hair dye, this is about the breakdown in your relationship with your daughter.

I think you need to seek help to try to repair it before it is beyond repair.

Its not stupid anything.

Its thoughtless, a bit clumsy. But not stupid or retarded.

WhatsTheBuzz Tue 19-Feb-13 12:15:01

I think when it happens repeatedly, it is thoughtless at best. My parents
said some vile stuff to me when I was a bratty teenager because they
were angry and frustrated, they didn't mean it (I hope).

Greenkit Tue 19-Feb-13 12:18:57

I have a 16yr old but always dye her hair for her

The lastest this weekend was black, highlighted ends, which were then dyed blue shock

Lottikins Tue 19-Feb-13 12:27:38

What is going to happen on Monday when she rocks up at school with pink hair?

Feminine Tue 19-Feb-13 12:31:18

I'd be more concerned with the constant use of chemicals on her head.

Hair dye, even if you don't have allergies, is pretty toxic stuff!

RowanMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 19-Feb-13 12:46:25


As some of you may have noticed, we've deleted the post in which the OP uses the word 'retarded' in a derogatory way. We've been in touch with the OP to explain our policy on disablist language.

We haven't deleted all the instances of the use of this word, because many of the posts containing it are challenging the OP's choice of language, which we think is a useful discussion to have.

However, we'd be grateful if posters could refrain from using the word carelessly in follow-up posts. It's a fine line between discussing why the term isn't acceptable, and just deploying it in a way that compounds the original offence. We don't want to leave the thread looking like Swiss cheese with multiple deletions, but we do need everyone to stick to our Guidelines on disablist language.


Nagoo Tue 19-Feb-13 13:02:52

The pink directions dye won't bleach out/ scrub off IME. My sealant was stained forever until I ripped it out. It's not the same as most shop dyes, it stains the follicle in a different way.

When I was her age I actually used to sit in the bath to do it, was just cleaner that way. I wedged a big mirror behind the taps.

I CBA with those colours now, it's too much mess, and stains every time you wash your hair.

KurriKurri Tue 19-Feb-13 13:19:10

I would offer to dye her hair for her, - my DS used to dye his at 16, if I hadn't lent a hand, it would have been all over the shop. hell - I get hair dye everywhere when I use it on my own- it's bloody awful stuff for going where you don't want it too, - my friend and I do each others now, - it's a two woman job IMO.

YANBU for being cross at the results of her hair dying attempt,, YABU to be so incredibly angry at your DD, "she's totally fucking up her life in all areas" - it's not really about the hair dye then is it? Sixteen year olds do make mistakes in their lives, - better to make them at 16 and learn from them than make them when they are older.

bottleofbeer Tue 19-Feb-13 14:00:22

Spray bleach gets rid of it, dead easy.

Unless there is variations in the way different colours react Nagoo. But I use the purple Directions dye and have got it off various things from tiles and grouting, my enamel bath (I know bleach is not good for enamel but bath was done for anyway if left purple!), lino and my wooden toilet seat using neat bleach and a good scrub. I have had it in various places at different times and there isn't even slight staining now.

MrsLouisTheroux Tue 19-Feb-13 18:41:56

You are right to be annoyed but you sound hysterical OP.

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