To think that my dh's friend's girlfriend is being really rude when she shorterns our pfb's name.(172 Posts)
The first time she did it he was five days old! Now she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything. She has never once heard either of us use this nickname and it really, really winds me up!!!
I know my dh is right and it is not that important but I don't at all understand why she thinks it is okay for her to do this.
Has anyone else had to cope with this?
Have you told her you don't like it? If not how is she meant to know?
Is it a normal nickname for the name you picked?
Surely if she's sending texts, cards and gifts she's yours and your DH's friend?
You'll need to get over it of course when your child starts school, but it's a bit strange for an adult to instantly shorten a newborn's name.
Your DH's friend's girlfriend gives your baby cards and gifts?
I don't think she's being rude. It's what people do, it's very natural to shorten names and usually a shortened name implies an amount of affection for the person whose name is being shortened. I'd take it as she likes your pfb.
Having said that, I deliberately gave my pfb a name that has no obvious shortening because I hate when people shorten my name, so I understand why you don't like it.
Wouldn't bother me personally, but have you told her you don't like it?
You don't "cope" with it. You just say "his name is X, not Xy. We like him to be known as X". We've had this problem with dd and I had it as a problem myself growing up. You just have to be blunt, or else they won't ever stop, and other people will start doing it too.
You need to say 'We don't like X, we would rather he was called Xx'.
If you have asked her not to shorten his name and she persists then YANBU. But if you haven't told her then YABU. Some people like to shorten names, some don't. It's not a big deal really.
What will you do if DS decides he wants to shorten his name when he's older?
I shorten DFs babies name because I miss spell the full version.
I wouldn't shorten a child's name without knowing the parents were happy with it but if it bothers you so much TELL HER.
Its not really much to 'cope' with is it. I take it you've already told her you don't like it so you'll just have to keep telling her!
If it's been going on a while and you have never said anything then YABU, she can't be expected to just know how annoying you find it if you have said no it's actually fullname then YANBU.
There is a shortening of my name that I hate so if anyone uses it I just say nicely please don't call me that.
It wouldn't bother me. Nice that she makes the effort really isn't it?
Annoying maybe but not really rude.
I'm a terrible name-shortener, I can't help it
I used to shorten my nephew's name (eg Ian to 'E') and it grew to a habit. My sister never said anything, but one day I was cuddling him and saying 'aw lovely E' and my BIL suddenly snapped 'AN! Its IAN!' It had obviously been a bit of a problem
So the moral is, yadnbu, but please tell her nicely (as I'm sure you would), as it's quite hurtful when you were being unintentionally irritating.
YANBU if you told her and she ignores you.
YABU if you or DH have never told her.
It depends on the name.
If your pfb's name is Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson, for example (like Uma Thurman), and called her Rosie whereas you insist on calling her Rosalind-Aruska-Arkadina-Altalune, than YABU.
And I do think a double-barrelled Maximilian-Montgomery might also be a bit much.
I suggest you get used to it, though, as by the time he is a teenager none of his friends will even know his proper name [sigh]
Can I just ask what pfb stands for? Sorry to intercept thread but been wondering for a while!
Tell her if you do not like it.
My son has a long name that can be shortened. We choose not to shorten it.
Occassionally someone will shorten it; I used to say; he wont recognise that, we dont shorten his name.
But inevitably as he has got older, his friends call him the shortened name. We call him his full name (or something else which is completely random!) It's not my name, he can choose whether he wants to be called by that or not.
precious first born, Always.
Usually used when someone is being a tad over-sensitive.
Yeah well my son's name is Dexter, and OH's aunt calls him Sexy Dexy. He is 2.
I don't think it's exactly rude unless you've expressly told her that you don't want your PFB to be called the short name.
However, I do understand your irritation. I used to work with a lady who had a knack for picking the least favourite form of everyone's name in the office - those who hated the long or extended versions of their name, she used those - and those who normally used the full version of their name, she shortened. It was incredible! And got up our noses quite successfully (all of us). We had to tell her, as politely as possible, to stop.
You need to do the same.
I would be irritated but I wouldn't see it as being 'rude' just a bit clumsily presumptuous I think.
My SIL did this when I had my pfb - started calling him 'Baby-D' The 'D' being his first initial - it irritated me beyond belief !!
After about the third time I did say something to her, like 'I'm sorry but I'm really going to have to stop you doing that - his name is D.... - you are making him sound like the baby on the Royle Family - STOP-IT!'
and we all had a laugh about it.
You can't let it go on too long - it's just going to get harder to stop.
If you've never told her you don't like it, then YABU.
If you have told her, then keep telling her and she'll eventually get the message.
However, complaining in this way about someone who has given your child cards and presents isn't very nice. She's only shortening a name - if you think this is 'really rude', then I think you must be easily offended or you have other issues with her that you haven't mentioned in the OP.
I find it annoying when people shorten ds2's name and usually repeat his full name when they do. Now he is 4 he tells them that his name is not the shortened version, it is longer version. I personally would never shorten a child's name unless the parent did or as the child gets older and wants it shortened, if that is what I choose. Ds2 will probably always be known by the longer version by us but if he chooses to use the shortened version for others when he is older that is his choice.
(Maryz - she's called Luna for short, not Rosie - I just had to google it because I wasn't sure if it was real or not! I thought I'd given DS1 a long enough name to deal with but it's not even half as long as Luna's, poor girl)
I think your being melodramatic I don't think it's rude - she's buying him presents and asking after him in texts, maybe you'd rather she just ignored him and didn't bother, that would be rude
What's the name/nickname? I think if it's a common nickname you'll struggle for noone to use it ever, maybe your ds will prefer it when he's older himself
Ah thanks! I think OP you are being a bit UR, whilst I can appreciate it's annoying - it's life. My ds (George) gets called "Georgy" ( which I don't mind but hate it when people spell it "Georgie" lol), Georgy Porgy (adults and his peers in school call him this), Georgio, G, Pud, all sorts. My dm said she would have loved to call me Natalie but didn't like the thought of people calling me 'Nat'.
Whilst annoying, it happens. Tell your friend you would prefer her to call you ds by his name but she sounds lovely otherwise tbh.
Have you told her?
I hate people shortening my name and politely ask them not to as soon as they do it.
I'm afraid in my book yabu to pic a name where you don't like the shortenings.
But I agree you are just to have to mention it.
and then get used to it because his school friends will be doing it too
PFB- precious first born.
If you have previously asked her to use the full form and she has refused (like the MIL's who say 'I don't like Emily, I'm going to call her Bertha') then YADNBU. If you haven't told her then I agree it is quite rude but some people think it's Ok so they just need reminding.
I have chosen names that don't have short forms but both grandmothers have their own pet name for DD1. But as close family members I think they are allowed that, I wouldn't be happy about such a distant friend doing it.
YANBU.....but it will keep happening.
I have chosen the two best names ever for my sons, but not even their real father uses them. I have become resigned to this and so address them by their initials only now, P and CG.
Joined em as I couldn't beat them.
Since she goes to the effort of buying presents and cards I'd let it go.
Just as I do when my friend sings DS's name twice in the manner of a very irritating song from a musical.
She sounds nice with texts and presents does your ds have a long name that is hard to spell? I have friends with gaelic names for babies and I have to keep a note!
Maybe she thinks a long name is not suited to a baby, eg Montgomery or monty - why don't you just say you prefer the longer version for now but obviously when he is able to talk he will tell you his preference anyway.
If its a name that is very commonly given an abbreviation that is widely accepted as a name, then YABVU.
If your baby's name is Jon and she's shortening it to Jo, then you have a point.
It depends what it is. If your babys name is Richard and she calls him Dick YANBU.
If your babys name is Samuel and she calls him
Sam then you need to get used it because it wont just be her Im afraid.
I can't even fathom how this could be considered "rude". Unless you have explicitly told her that you hate that nickname?
When I was training as a nurse I had this really mean patient who would PURPOSELY call me "Dan-you-ell-AAARR", (pronounced like that too!) no matter how many times I told her my name is Danielle. (Probably outed myself here for the tiny minority that were on that ward at that point in time).
Anyways, it really used to boil my piss. So if you have told her that that's not his name, YANBU. However, if you haven't then are you expecting her to read your mind?
I agree just tell her. I used to work with a guy called Christopher and he hated having his name shortened to Chris. I think some people used to do it to wind him up though. So, if it is a common shortening you might have to get used to telling people.'
I know of someone who had a Tobias, who was definitely a Tobias and never to be called Toby. We all knew that, she had no problem telling everyone exactly that - pretty much introduced him like that from the first day.
Perhaps you haven't been obvious enough in your name-preference, OP?
my bil shortens our pfb's name because he doesn't like the name and prefers the shortened version. the 'well we prefer her actual name' and the fact we don't use the shortening at all (as it a name used in its own right) has not penetrated - he has a skin a rhino would be jealous off. no point making a thing of it with him - there are bigger reasons to get annoyed with him!
I'm not sure about this.
The dcs have a number of friends who are called by short forms of their names at school but whose parents call them by the long form. I have only ever heard them referred to by the shortened version and that is how they refer to themselves when they are with me. Which version of their names should I use?
I try to remember to use their full names when I am talking to their parents, but sometimes I forget.
I know it is not the same with a 5 day old baby, so it probably is rude, but I think it is something you make need to learn to live with. The name will in all probability be shortened at school.
Just tell her.
When my SIL was pregnant, she and my brother decided they weren't going to tell anyone the baby's name until she was born. So I had gave her a little nickname so that I didn't have to refer to her as 'the baby'.
My brother said he quite liked it, but that he wanted me to use her name when she was born. I said fine.
Her name is also one that can be shortened and is more often heard in it's shortened form nowadays. He said he didn't want it shortened. So we didn't.
My daughter has a nice
common name that is often shortened. I don't like it so I've said to people "Oh we're not shortening it".
My son's name can be shortened. I have never introduced him using the shortened version. Once he was old enough to give it himself and he chose it, that was fine. Until then I said "Oh I'm not shortening it."
It's really quite simple!
I couldn't even begin to get irritated by this.
YANBU to be annoyed I suppose because different things irk different people, but YABU to think she's being rude (unless you have asked politely for her to refrain from using the shortened form). Oh and YABU to ask if other people have to "cope" with this - it's hardly one of life's great trials, is it?
At some point though you will need to accept that you cannot control these things.
my sis wanted her daughter called E-G becuase its so beautiful. sis used to go ballistic if you called her E.
now she only answers to the first sylable of her name and she is 10!
Okay......I know, I know, I know, IABU!!! Arg! That's what my Mum and my dh said.
First off our ds has a name that I have never, ever, ever heard anyone shorten.
The friend is someone I am friendly with, rather than friends with, IYSWIM.
I know she is being kind buying him a present but she abbreviated his name before she had even met him.
I didn't tell her I didn't like it because I was not long out of hospital having delivered him and knew I wouldn't be able to say it in a casual way and that I would have done a really ugly job of it.
I know that he is bound to get nicknames at school and I really don't anticipate being annoyed by them, I am a teacher and totally get that this happens.
It took my dh ages to agree on a name for our pfb and I am sure that is why this has got right under my skin!
She's showing her affection.
I do this all the time with my DNs and my sisters do it to my DCs. I love it. We show each other affection in this way every single day. I hate the idea that only I get to determine what people call my children. It's like telling them you can only call them "darling" not "my love" or "sweetheart" or "beauty". Nicknames belong between people - they are not official and only to be bequeathed by a parent.
This may be just a my family thing as we all have lots of names and nicknames and shorted forms but it's all a sign of affection.
Oh, and by 'cope with' I really meant, do I just suck it up or do I say something?
she does it all the time, in texts, on cards, gift tags and everything
Do you realise quite how spoilt and precious you sound?
She is being lovely. So, she shortens his name? Just nicely mention that you like the long version and hope to keep it that way for as long as you can if you absolutely have to.
But for the love of god, once he gets old enough to have friends, don't tell them not to use the short version, it's very very embarassing. I still cringe when friends use the shortened version of my name in front of my Mum and she still metions it sometimes, but thank fuck, not in front of friends anymore. I agree it's nowhere near as nice as my full name, but my full name is 3 syllables so it's inevitably shortened.
I would suck it up. Your baby needs nice people who care enough to talk about him and give him gifts more than he needs to be addressed by the correct name.
x-posted with you.
I don't know what you should do really. I would just smile and accept that it's her way - I mean, it's not like she's calling him 'The Brat' or something... but if it's going to keep annoying you to this level then you should say something to her (what I said above) but just make sure you a) do it in person & b) with a very warm, friendly, tone... if you want to stay friendly
Another one for the suck it up brigade here. People shorten or change other people's names all the time. Giving someone a nickname is a sign of affection/liking.
Is it possible that you have other issues with her and are finding her behaviour more familiar than you'd like it to be?
Is the key to this ' my Dhs friends girlfriend' ???
Don't you like said friend and his GF?
I think she sounds nice and unless she is calling your baby fat cheeks or poo head then what's the problem.
If you make a deal of this texted and presents will stop with the friendly banter and you might miss it more than you know.
Yup, you're going to have to put up with it I'm afraid
you silly bugger
As an aside, there isn't a name in the world that can't be pettified (I have no idea if that is an acutal word) in some way. If you're anything like me you'll probably come up with something completely bizarre to call your ds before long, despite yourself
My SIL recently had a baby Thomas, when we texted her to say congratulations, we wrote 'Congratulations on baby Thomas (Tom?)' and she texted back saying 'Thanks, Thomas or Tom is fine '
I didn't want to get into exactly the situation your friend is in!
Just tell her, but nicely.
I once had a work colleague called Ivan. It was a big company and I'd only ever seen his name written down. I had to telephone him and began the call with 'Hello Ivan...' (pronouncing it the English way - Eye-van'.
He interrupted, and really angrily said 'It's Eeee-vahn, not Eye-van, don't say it that way again.'
I was quite embarrassed, and thought he was very rude. I get that he was probably fed up of people mispronouncing it (turned out he was Russian so that was the correct pronunciation) but there was no need for him to be nasty and aggressive. I wouldn't have minded it if he'd corrected me pleasantly.
I agree with all of you, and honestly I am not usually this precious.
It just felt really forward and unexpected.
It annoys me when I introduce ny self as Holly and people shorten it to eg Holl. Holl would be the name my close friends would use, it is a pet name, general acquaintances are overstepping the mark by using diminutives.
If you had a James and someone started calling him Jim, or worse extending it to Jamie, you'd get annoyed too!
Mameulah - it's probably yer 'ormones.
You are not one of those mothers that have called their child Benjamin and expect everyone to call him his full name and not shorten it to Ben are you?!
If it is something like that, Joanne to Jo or Louise to Lou or Stephen to Steve etc, you are being unreasonable and will have to get used to it as it will be the first time of many.
I think you are being a little UR but I have grown up with a mum who hates names being shortened so I can see where you are coming from. How about being subtle (in a brick like way). If she texts you saying "How is Tom today?" reply "Thomas is enjoying the sunshine". Sends a present, reply with "Thank you for the gift, Thomas will love it." Reiterate over and over again that your child's name is the full version...
My mum once hung up the phone on someone who called saying "Is (eg) Lou there?"
"No, no Lou lives here"
When my friend rang back she said "Oh you must be looking for Louise".
Please don't do that in the future.
As you'd not told her not to do so she's not being rude - she's just misjudged her mateyness.
I am not only blessed with a very unusual name & all attendant problems but it has an abbreviation I LOATHE. It is a bit awkward having to ask people not to use it, but it is better than eventually snapping at someone!
If you've had to do lots of negotiating to come up with a name that both you & your husband like & that works with your surname & All The Other Name Stuff it makes sense you might (esp with All The Hormones) be feeling a bit protective of the name. Tiny bit bonkers, but logically so.
Good luck with sorting this one out
Yabu. It is just a name and it is of very little consequence if it is shortened. It will happen lots in the future anyway so try not to let it bother you.
You're being silly because this does not matter one single jot.
Our eldest is Oscar...and everyone calls him Oscar except my friend J who has always called him Oz or Ozzie. I HATE Oz and Ozzie but I have never corrected her because it doesn't bloody matter. It's not rude, it's affectionate and well intended, and that DOES matter. Chill out.
She probably just doesn't realise. She sounds lovely though - presumably there were gifts attached to the gift tags? That's very nice from you husband's friend's gf!
Sign the thank you cards in the full name and she might pick up on it.
jenai there are a few names you can't really shorten. I know someone who hates nameshortening and so called her daughter Claire. A family friend insisted on calling her "cl" to wind up the mother...
I appreciate I'm probably weird but it never occurs to me to call anyone by any other name than the one they introduce themselves as.
DS has a name that is a shortened version of a longer name. A friend of his still manages to shorten it I say nothing...DS is 20, he can tell his friend if it bugs him.
DD has a name that I knew would be shortened but luckily I like the shortened version.
If it really irritates you then just keep calling your DS by his name and hope she picks up on it.
As for not giving a name when you don't like the shortened version...ex and I could only agree on one name for DS that we both like. I just thank my lucky stars that DD was a girl or else we'd have been fucked.
Bedhopper am wondering if we know the same person?! DH shared an office with an Ivan who went ballistic if anyone pronounced it the English way (Eye -van) as you say. Must have been exhausting for him as he was living and working in England. He was Russian and really mean.
Likewise my friends mother named Diane but pronounced Deee- arne who would get really snippy with people about it.
Personally I think shortening names is sweet and shows affection really cannot get worked up about this.
ha, kerala, maybe it is the same person. Was he a consultant? A mean one!
Isn't it nice that she makes the effort?
I am a terrible name-shortener,I can't help myself! But it is always meant in an affectionate way. I hope people don't think I'm being rude. There is a child at school who always corrects me if I use the shortened form of their name...I always apologise,but its the sort of name that is commonly shortened, and it just comes out!
I must say, it is so refreshing to see an OP accept that she is BU! Well done, OP.
I don't think parents can (or should) control what other people call their children. Barring an offensive nickname, I think it's best to let everyone shorten the names as they please. I'm sure people's intentions are generally good.
By the time the children are old enough to express a preference, they can decide which names and nicknames they like best. I do find it annoying when a child prefers to be called by a nickname and the parent insists otherwise. Very controlling, IMO.
well, I think the OP is NBU.
Have to say i wouldnt shorten a newborns name as i think its something that evolves as they get older and they have a say.
Every now and then someone calls my dd mezza which gives me rage!! Her name is merryn sometimes shortened to merry but mezza?!!
It is being done affectionately but if you really dont like it say so.
We were quite picky with names and discounted a few just because we didnt like the shortening ie genevieve which i love, but would have become jen, which i hate.
Strangely I have the opposite problem. Ds2 has the shortened version of a
Strangely I have the opposite problem. Ds2 has the shortened version of a name as his actual name. I get people lengthen it...
See, this is why I need mumsnet! I have always shortened and made up funny little nicknames for my friends' children - it never occurred to me that people would be upset by this! Is this really something that causes people to seethe quietly? Surely you would just say if it bothered you that much?
<heads off into the wild blue yonder to unwittingly offend more people>
Bedhopper no he was a lawyer so there is more than one aggressive Russian named Ivan sensitive about the pronunciation of his name - who'd have thunk it!
I need advice. I have a
lot of few friends with DCs named Joshua. Is it ok to call them Josh? I try really hard to stick to Joshua so not to offend but the odd "Josh" slips out accidentally and I really don't want to cause offence!
But then, why pick Joshua if you hate Josh?!
FWIW, my DC1 has a long name which is shortened all the time. We chose a name very carefully for this reason and we're fine with all of the short versions. DH hates it when people shorten his own name and I feel very uncomfortable when people I don't know well shorten mine, because the short version is something only my family and DH call me, and not obvious, but if it's a colleague of DH's they only know me as that.
OTOH, just recently I dared to call BIL by the shorter version of his name, which is how he introduces himself, MIL heard me and practically hissed at me for calling him that!!! (Steve shortened from Stephen, seriously, he's 30yo!!!)
My DDs name is Tia <outs self again and doesn't care> and someone I know insists on calling her T. FFS!! She doesn't even buy her presents, just sees her in the playground.
I cringe a little inside each time she does it. I still just get on with my life and only give it a thought when a subject like this comes up.
I have friends now who hate their full names and insist on their shortened version. I hate the shortened version of my name but allow it from some people, if they are close enough to me.
YANBU but be nice when you ask her not to do it, she is being nice too. Look at the motive before judging the action too harshly.
I think it depends on the age of the child, once school age or younger, they and their friends choose their own nicknames. For little babies is under one or two, I woulkdnt shorten it unless their parents do.
My ds1 is Theodore but since birth has been Theo as that is what we called him most of the time, he sometimes gets Theodore or theodorable
which I do to wind him up as now at 13 he hates it
As I said my dad is merryn, always that, occasionally merry. Yet some occasionally call her mezza!! Ffs and that I correct as I can't stand it.
My DH is a serial name-shortener (or even name- changer) - he ends up calling people by the name he thinks they look like . For this reason he had the final say on DD1's name (out of our top two - I'd have been happy with either) as I hated the thought of having a child named Esmerelda, for example, but called Gertrude by DH because he thought she looked like a Gertrude, "Yes, she's registered as Esmerelda Hyacinth Fortesque-Jones but DH calls her Gertrude".
We also discounted a significant number of names because we preferred different shortened versions of them e.g. Elinor - he preferred Ellie, I prefer Ella. DD1 has a name that has lots of abbreviations, all of which we both like, one of which is more often used as a male name, and any of which she will answer to aged 8.
DD2's name has a couple of shortened versions, one of which we both love (and have used since she was tiny) and another which is perfectly fine. One of DD1's friends, who has known DD2 since she was 6 months old, started using a shortened version that we'd never come across before (think Lydia being called Lee-Lee) and DD2, aged not yet 3 was furious. She said, very clearly, "I'm X or Y, not Z. Don't call me that". Annoyingly, the friend continued calling her 'Lee-Lee' and eventually I did step in and point out that DD2 had already asked her to call her X or Y and that ignoring her request was upsetting her.
So, whilst I think it's odd to choose a name for which you do not like the shortened versions, I can see that having someone else shorten your baby's name might grate. There are, obviously, bigger things to worry about but if this person has been kind enough to send presents etc. then I'm sure she would be kind enough to stick to using the name you have chosen for you DS...once she knows that it matters to you. However, don't take offence if she ends up avoiding his name subsequently - that's DH's coping mechanism when he can't remember if he's meant to be using the full/shortened version of someone's name .
I have it the opposite way round with one of my friends. I just cant bring myself to use the diminutive she uses as it makes me cringe but then i sound bad if I use the full version as they never use it.
Dc1 has a name that is commonly shortened, although we only ever use the full version, figuring it will be shortened soon enough by him and his peers. BIL and SIL shorten (and mispronounce) it. It gets on my nerves, but I don't actually think it's my place to say anything - they have their own relationship with him and he's old enough now to say if it bothers him (it doesn't seem to - the mispronunciation is because they are not English speakers bit try to say it in what they think is the English way). That said, it wouldn't occur to me to do the same with my niece or nephew, or with friends' dc. I call them what their parents call them.
In other words, YANBU to feel irritated but YWBU to say anything.
i cant say whether op is unreasonabe or not until she says the name!.......tell us!
...okay, it isn't Jonathan, but I know I definitely would be being UR if was!
The things people expect to be in their realm of control in this life astonishes me!
Just return the gifts with a polite note saying baby X couldn't possibly accept them from someone who doesn't obey his parents.
Ah, she's only being affectionate. Or maybe she knows another who uses the shorter version? Is it Nathaniel? I have a Nathan and one of the mums I know from school insists on calling him Nathaniel. I don't really mind, but it's not really his name! Anyway, small potatoes...
My cousin had a baby girl and when I told my mum the happy news the conversation went:
Me: "It's a girl! She's called Emily."
Mum: "Emma. She's called Emma."
Me: "No Mum, Emily."
Mum: "Oh. I don't like Emily. No. That won't do... I will call her Emma."
I gave my dd a name and i expect people to call her by her name.
For example say dds name is katherine i would expect people to call her katherine. If i wanted her to be called kate thats what i would have put on her birth certificate.
I am pretty strict when it comes to names.
OP i would tell her that you dont like it & will she call him by his name.
What you said. That is exactly what I think.
If our ds was 4 or 5 or 25 then I honestly don't think I would be even slightly bothered. But when it first happened he was 5 days old and had only had his name for two days.
It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name.
yanbu - i dont like people shortening names. my FIL is the only person who called our little one a shortened name and he was corrected. i know some names get shortened e.g. james to jim - i always think if i wanted them to be called jim i would have given them that name but i didnt... i also have a friend who tells people that her name is her full name, if they ignore her and use a shortened name she ignores them, they soon get the message.
BenjaminButton172 looks like we were writing our posts at the same time, i thought i was the only person who thought like that, glad to know other folks do too.
I once worked with a man called Jesus and had no idea it was pronounced h- Seuss. Much secret hilarity amongst co - workers until he said I love you think I am the son of god but sadly it's ... I was super embarressed, but I always check now with names
Lavenderhoney, Jesus is quite a common Spanish name, and it's the same one as the Son of God's, so your coworker's comment was quite silly. Jesus Christ just happened to be given quite a common name. In that time they were many Jesus's around. The name was of course still used after Mary chose it for her son.
Benjamin and OP lots of people do give a full version of a name intending to use a pet version, or to have flexibility to change which version they use depending on circumstances though - just because you personally would have put Kate or Jim (or Jamie) on a birth certificate doesn't mean other people don't feel equally strongly that the full name is the one to put on the birth certificate but that they will use a pet form sometimes/ always and want the child to have a more "grown up name" to chose to use at a later date ... My kids all have short names but I lengthen them and use all sorts of silly pet forms, any name can be shortened, if only to an initial!
"For example say dds name is katherine i would expect people to call her katherine. If i wanted her to be called kate thats what i would have put on her birth certificate"
What would you do if she decided to shorten her name herself?
My mum didn't like shortened names so she gave us names that couldn't be shortened.
I once went out with a bloke whose siblingss were called Jonathon, Stephen Nicholas and Elizabeth. None of the names were shortened at home and it used to sound so formal when they spoke to each other using the long versions of their names all the time. They were a lovely family though.
YABU. You don't "own" your child, they are their own person with whom people will develop their own relationship completely independently of you.
You might insist on him being called "Edward" for example, but can't possibly stop his friends calling him "Ed"/"eddie"/"shagger" etc when he starts school
This woman is clearly fond of your child. You should be pleased he had so many people who care for him. As the saying goes, a loved one has many names....
My sisters five have names that cannot be shortened. She hasn't even used the full versions of them on the birth certificate. That's surely the way to go if you never, ever want your child's name shortening? YABU she sounds lovely to take the time to fuss over your baby.
It really doesn't work if you try a name that can't be shortened- my DS has one and his friends call him something else entirely. You have no control over the name- it just means that you are getting it a bit earlier than normal- you generally get your own way for the first 5/6 years. The only one with control is the person themselves- once they are old enough. I wouldn't worry.
My dd hates it if people even pronounce her name wrong so i doubt she would shorten it.
IMO if someone did shorten her name it would give her a completely different name. For example someone called jasmine getting called jay. They are two different names.
It's completely normal where I used to live (Liverpool) to have your name shortened almost immediately you have been introduced (even if you were introduced using the full version of your name). I am thinking about the group of 6 friends we socialise with and none of us get called our full name! It's not done to be rude though, its a sign of affection and being comfortable and relaxed with that person.
The only person who never shortens my name is my mum. My DD has a name that you can't shorten (not chosen for that reason) but I actually lengthen her name usually, or call her something totally unconnected to her name!
People don't do if the child doesn't like it- they just don't bother what the parent thinks. I don't shorten DS1's name - everyone else does- he likes it so that is all that matters. I knew there was no hope, I took him into school at a few weeks old to show my old class and it was shortened after a few minutes by several children.
You have to be aware when you choose a name that you can't control it. They often get told this on baby naming threads and ignore it as if it won't happen.
Yes i'm a scouser and worked in St Helens once. I was introduced to a Woolyback and i shorted her name immediately to Liz
she said... 'no my name is Elizabeth. i've noticed that you people do that' complete with a lip curl and pained expression
[Ahh get over yourself]
It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name.
NEWSFLASH Sorry love, no one else really gives a shit.
And I really mean that in the kindest way possible but that is the epitome of pfb
What will you do when he goes to school, and 30 children all give hime a different nickname?
DS2 has a least 4 or 5 NickNames not officially sanctioned by us, and he's only 4. Nothing I can do about it.
foolish mother gave me a name which she thought could not be shortened because the shortening was only ever used by males who had the male version of the name. Everyone without exception calls me by the shortened version apart from her .
Names gain a life of their own, and children usually end up with a name, nickname or shortening that suits them regardless of what their parents want.
PS, what does your DH think about the "wrong" name?
Well I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think you should call a child the name their parents choose until the child is old enough to decide for themself when it should be up to them.
Having said that I don't think you can really complain about it unless you've told her how you feel.
Ds1 is called the short version of a longer name as don't like the longer name. He has been called the longer name on several occasions, most memorably when he was in hospital and when they didn't correct it after being politely told about 3 times I was a bit more forceful that they had his actual proper name on his records. I think this is a slightly different thing though but when friends have done this I've corrected them (politely) too.
If he wants the longer version when he's older it will make my teeth itch but if that's what he wants of course we will respect his wishes.
And it's downhill from here...
Bringing up children is about learning to lose control.
Eventually you will learn to cherish anyone who cares enough about your child to speak to them at all, let alone send them presents.
'But for the love of god, once he gets old enough to have friends, don't tell them not to use the short version, it's very very embarrassing. '
Would second (third?) this! DS was given a lift home by a schoolfriend's mother the other day, and was wondering why there was an unusually freezing atmosphere in the car, until Friend's Mum turned to him and snapped, 'My daughter's name is Gabriella! Do NOT keep calling her Gabby
you common little oik!'
DS didn't even know that was her full name.
my friend handled this in a really nice way. I called the child by his full name, Robert for example and she said, you know it is really funny to hear you calling him by his formal name when we all know him as Bobby. I got the hint - the child should be called Bobby.
Don't sweat the small stuff op. With Dc3 we agreed on a name, it was on her birth certificate and for some reason ds1 decided to call her something completely different, not a nick name, a proper name, a name that bore no resemblance to the name she had been given.
So I called her by her given name for a while and slowly everyone else started calling her by the name ds1 called her. So now, at 11 she has only ever been called by ds1's chosen name. I love her given name, her nick name, not so much.
It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name
Oh for god's sake.
I guess my parents put 'time and care' (ie, bought a baby name book and flicked through it until they found one they liked) into picking my name. Thing is, I fucking hate it. Merely hearing it in public is enough to set my teeth on edge.
My first name is James. I loathe it. For as long as I have been old enough to have a say about it I have been known as Jim/Jimmy/Jamesie. My late grand father started called me Jim when I was little, without my parents: for which I am eternally grateful.
This is a newborn tho, the op has said when he is older his friends etc can call him whatever, but surely adults can use his name?
Children are different and shorten names and make up nicknames but its not hard for an adult to use the name until a nickname naturally develops as baby gets a bit older.
Its not worth making a massive fuss but saying we aren't shortening his name just yet is fine.
Every now and then someone calls my dd mezza!! Her name is merryn and it occasionally gets shortened to merry which is fine, mezza is bloody vile and I will say no its merry/merryn.
I do want to know what the name is tho!!!
also on my dad's side of the family no one is EVER called by their 'real' name, ever. We all have nicknames, adults and children alike and that is how we are known. I like that.
I think you just have to cope with it. DH introduced himself to me as a short version of his name. Then for years after whenever I met his Mum I had to try to remember to call him by his long name as she got the hump over the short version.
We gave DD a name that had lots of shortenings thinking we'd eventually go with one of them. It never really happened. Then she started upper school and wanted to change her name, absolutely hatred the shortening we liked. So we went through all 200 versions and shortenings in other languages (maybe a slight exaggeration but not much) until we found one she liked. All her new friends and their parents know her by it. I'm trying hard but find it weird, slightly easier 6 months down the line. Guess it will eventually become second nature.
I shorten everyones name all the time, always have. Except DH, which strangely I lengthen.
Is there a chance she is doing it as she knows it annoys you? I have someone called Amanda who I have to see occasionally and she always gets a "Hello Mandy" from me
because I don't like her and like annoying her
I disagree and I think it is most certainly a CONTROL issue. You're really upset because this person won't call your child what you have decided they MUST be called. You can't control the girlfriend and guess what there will be loads of other people you can't control in this manner to come.
Just relax about it.
Thing is, surely most people know that if you don't want a name to be shortened (in our society at least), then choose a name that can't be shortened. There are lots of them. (I have one, my 2 sisters have one & my 2 DD's have one each too). Even then people will muck around with them, or give nick names or whatever. OP you are being extremely precious.
NEW FLASH - if you chose one of the following names (for example) then KNOW when you choose it that people will shorten it (many people will choose these names for that very reason):
If having a name that the world won't shorten in a heartbeat is really important to you, then there are loads to choose from.
People shortened DSs name at first, but we asked them not to (nicely, obviously) and they were all fine with it.
Urge OP it could be much worse. My mother has dispensed entirely with given names and has re-christened my nephew "Dinky Doo" and my bump is apparently going to be called "Winky woo" when it's born. She uses these names literally all the time, I don't remember ever hearing her use my nephew's real name (and my one has no name yet!).
We have said how weird it sounds and she just laughed and said how she thought it was cute to have her own little names for them...we've just decided to put up with it, I'm sure Dinky and Winky will speak up for themselves when they get old enough to realise how awful these names sound!
On the same note though, I know a girl called Charlotte who has never been shortened to Charlie etc - I only ever remember her correcting someone once who tried to shorten it - she's just been consistent throughout her life in introducing herself as Charlotte and has kept it up and it's worked.
Here's a grip, op
YANBU OP. I think it is incredibly arrogant for anyone to assume that they can just shorten a name. I do think in the UK it's a regional thing. For the first twenty years if my life I was known, without exception by my name. When I moved to another area, the conversation would go along the lines of 'Hi I'm Piecesofmyheart' 'Oh hi Pieces. Nice to meet you' 'It's actually Piecesifmyheart' (I used to assume people had misheard. They still called me the shortened version)
Thing is my name is actually very significant to my family as it is a tribute to a close family member who died on the day I was born.
I'm very glad I've now returned to my hometown and people have the manners to call me by my name
It may be incredibly arrogant but there is absolutely nothing you can do about it!
In the case of Pieces, if she asked me to call her by her full name then I would-what her parents want is irrelevant.
As a supply teacher, calling a register, I ask the DCs to tell me if they are known by a different name and I use their preferred one-you can never tell whether they are generally Samuel or always Sam. I have no idea what the parent prefers-they are not there.
It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name
And no one else is remotely interested!
It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name
you're being a tad pfb OP. People don't massively care about how much blood, sweat and tears you put into picking the perfect name.
OP, how is little kipper this morning?
It is not a control issue, it is about giving value to the time and care we put into choosing our ds's name
No one cares how much effort you put in. Why would they? It's not interesting to anyone except you!
Its amazing how one thread can differ from another. Only the other day i was reading a thread about james bulger. One poster called him jamie & got shot down with 'it is james, his mother always insisted on james not jamie'. Would any of you tell his mother to get a grip and stop being so precious.
No. Her child was brutally tortured then murdered in a sickening high profile case.
Don't be so ridiculous. You can't make that comparison, and if you do, you're very silly.
"Your baby needs nice people who care enough to talk about him and give him gifts more than he needs to be addressed by the correct name."
She is being friendly!
Shortening names is usually a sign of endearment, they are not deliberately trying to mess with your naming choices. People shorten in texts, or do you really expect her to type out his full name?
You sound very precious! Sorry, but you just have to suck it up, and make sure you refer to him by the name you want him to be known as.
^^ what pictish said above!
Astonished that anyone would think the issues are remotely similar.
I think YABU and at the same time NU. My dd name is very very similar to her cousin who was born a month after dd. Her mum decided and announced one day that my dd could be forever nicknamed with a nn that doesnt even come from her full name just so her dd can have everyone call her by her full name at family gatherings etc. I thought she was joking but she kept calling dd by the nn and encouraging other family members too so in the end I asked her not to call her that anymore. If the nickname was out of affection I wouldn't have batted an eyelid and would have thought it was sweet of her to give my dd a nickname but it was all about not using dd's proper name as it was similar to her dd's name and she wanted her dd to stand out. A bit too pfb for me!
So what my giant message is saying is it depends on the situation whether YABU. If its an affectionate nickname, YABU.
sneezing - am I remembering your thread on the subject of your DD's name from a while ago? ;)
Parents who don't expect anyone to call their child anything other than is on their birth certificate is very naive IMO. They will meet thousands of people over the course of their life and as we've seen so far lots of people are natural name-shorteners!
I would never have given my children names where i didn't like any of the shortened versions. James, for example, I would have had to like Jim/Jimmy/Jamie as well. We even gave them middle names we really liked in case they used those instead.
I am always bemused at how much people care about names, as if they were going to determine our uniqueness or personal fulfilment.
Okay, okay, okay, I am being totally, totally UR and precious. But infairness, don't you think you are allowed to be UR and precious about your pfb's name when he is five days old?
I absolutely know that people don't care about the time and effort you took to choose your ds's name but I think that they should at least pretend to.
BeCool I think that must have been someone else. I only joined a short while ago. I'm second guessing myself now though haha!
Yes you are allowed to be surprised about it when he is only 5 days old! But please don't be dismayed about it forever. My DSis does this with my DN's who are now in their 20's. even now she'll say for eg 'othy' when you just say 'Tim' despite the fact they would call themselves 'Tim'.! It's a bit annoying
I am always bemused at how much people care about names, as if they were going to determine our uniqueness or personal fulfilment
Yes, if I am feeling a bit down in the dumps, I often wander over to baby names and have a laugh at some of the absurd things people are considering calling their offspring and the amount of projection that goes on, names like Hunter, Rock and Cassius. It would make me laugh if they all turned out to be 7 stone weaklings with jam-jar glasses, despite their parents trying to project 'strong' names onto them.
Of course our names matter. People do judge us based on our names. If the OP hates the nickname she has a right to ask her not to call him that.
Someone called Catherine might love Cath but hate Katie. It's their business what they want to call themselves.
OP I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. If I called my PFB Jeremy after my beloved grandfather I would hate people calling him Jezza. It would grate my nerves.
My DGrandma had the right idea when she named her 4 children with names that she thought couldn't be shortened or given nicknames (think John, Jill etc).
She found it hilarious when my Uncle Ian automatically became Little Ee from the moment he was introduced to the entire family.
Do people really "judge" someone by his/her name? Come on!
my ds is 10 and has 1.000 nicknames, many given by me and his family, the majority by his friends. Do I care? No.
Of course people judge on names, there is thing in freakonomics about it, loads of articles about teachers doing it and there are endless rows and debates on mnet about it, 'chav' names etc.
Given your baby is a week old I think you can be habit precious.
I don't think you're being precious at all or unreasonable. I'm a bit about all of these pfb comments too. I wouldn't want my second child's name shortened either by anyone.
You would not be U to want your DC to be called a specific name.
However to call people rude, and to think you can insist and people must obey you re a name is U.
Parents who don't expect anyone to call their child anything other than is on their birth certificate is very naive IMO
They won't be told either-many a time on baby naming threads they are told what will happen in the playground and won't accept it!
* I wouldn't want my second child's name shortened either by anyone.*
But maybe your second child will want it shortened and then you will have to put up with it. I was on holiday with a group-there was a mother and her daughter. The DD was early 20's and introduced herself as Cat, so everyone called her Cat. Her mother then called her Catherine, got blank looks and started saying 'Catherine but she calls herself Cat, which I don't like'! Eventually she had to start referring to her as Cat or it sounded silly. I expect she went back to Catherine at home-which would be fine.
After the age of 5 yrs they make friends who never see you, and come in contact with adults who never see you, so it is down to the child.
True exotic, but I use myself as an example of someone who was called a shortened version of a name by parents and then had the strenuous task of getting everyone to call me by my full name when I started secondary school. I spent months ignoring teachers registers if they called me the shortened version, and ignoring other schoolmates until they got the hint that I wanted my full name to be used.
It's easier to change to a shortened version from the long version IMO.
I wouldn't mind my child shortening their name either, but at least I'll leave them with a choice rather than impose it on them.
Op, here are my kids names and what they are now called.....(I don't care about outing)
Emma (24yrs) known as Loopy-Loo
Amy (16yrs) known as Tink, Tinkerbell or stinkerbell
Sam (14yrs boy) known as Samel the camel, Cam, or wam wam
So you see it doesn't really matter what you call them, it hardly ever sticks
It does take a while to get it changed but people get there at the end. I know a James whose parents called him Jamie and had always intended him to be Jamie. Aged 8yrs he decided James was better and insisted on it-he corrected teachers and everyone, every single time and they got there in the end. I have a friend who just changed her name completely in her 20's and it took a couple of years to get used to it-but it comes automatically now.
I'm of the opinion that nicknames are bestowed, not chosen, and it's usually done as a sign of affection. So unless it's actually offensive or hurtful I think your friend is NBU.
My parents deliberately chose a name for me that couldn't be shorted. Since I was very young I've been known by my first initial.
'Precious First Born'
Bloody hell, precious is right. Yes YABU.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Sensible zukiecat. I loved the name Edward, but hate any shortened form so I didn't use it. It would have been naive to think that I could stop anyone from shortening it.
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
I don't dislike the shortening of ds2's name, far from it but we feel it should be up to him to decide if he wants it shortened, not for others to decide to shorten it and then him just live with that. I have a name that can be shortened, my parents never shortened it and I never liked it shortened. I have two friends now who shorten it and that is fine but in general my name is what it is. We chose ds2's name knowing it would possibly be shortened but he, at 4, doesn't like it being shortened so I think people should respect that until he decides it is ok, if infact he does. All three of mine do have nicknames I use though.
Its a bit strange to call anybody anything that they were not introduced to you as.
If a baby gets introduced to me as Thomas then Thomas is his name.if he is introduced as Tom then that's his name.
Obviously its different when they get a bit older can talk and express there own preference.
Shortening a name is not a nick name its just shortening it.
I have a name its how I introduce myself if you call me something else I am unlikely to respond.
But I doubt very much its done from unkindness I expect she has no idea its not liked by some people,I expect she grew up in a family or area where names were shortened and it sounds like otherwise she's being kind and caring so other than every thank you ect being from his actual name and when you pass the baby over for a cuddle saying would you like (insert full first name) for a cuddle that all you can do. Getting wound up or upset about it is quite pointless.
I would agree- I knew that if my DC liked being called Ed etc then that is what would happen- and he probably would..
I wouldn't call a small child anything other than the name the parents used- but people will and you can't stop them.
Quite a lot will use something like 'sweetheart' and miss it out anyway!
I like it when people have their own versions of my kids names - shows affection IMO. My kids have fairly short names do it doesn't happen that often. I however, have a long & unusual name. I get called all sorts of different things by different people. I'm not so keen when I'm mistakenly called a different long name (and then just tell them to call me a short one) but I love the way different people randomly shorten my name. I would have found it very odd if my parents had tried to dictate what others called me - it's my name, not theirs.
Well said jimjams!
To give you somme hope my brother has a name that has lots of short forms. My Mum didn't have a say in it because it was a family name, the eldest son has to be called this name. Anyway, everyone shortened it when he was a child and he even had a nickname that wasn't even a version of his proper name (as is the way with boys). He got to University and started introducing himself by his proper name and everyone who has met him as an adult calls him that.
It is no problem for the person themselves- they can get people to call them their preferred version- it is parents who have no control.
Yabu but you'be got a newborn so completely understandable IMO. Just forget it, try to relax.
She sounds quite nice, so don't let it go out of proportion.
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