to want to be on the deeds of my new husbands flat

(117 Posts)
mpi Sun 17-Feb-13 14:37:33

i married by partner of 4 years last october and moved into a flat which he owns outright...when we have argued he has threatened to throw me out and change the locks which has made me feel insecure....when we last made up and i explained how insecure this made me feel he offered voluntarily to put the flat in our joint names...after cancelling several solicitors appointments he now says he never understood what joint ownership meant, and now he refuses to do it and has stormed out (again) accusing me of trying to con him out of half his house.
Am i being unreasonable to think that when married...what we each have is shared?

chickensarmpit Sun 17-Feb-13 14:41:59

Sorry but he seems to be a right shit head. Are you sure this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with?

HollyBerryBush Sun 17-Feb-13 14:42:53

Regardless of whether you are on the deeds or not, you would still be entitled to a proportion of his assets should you divorce, provided you can show you contributed to the marriage.

If you weren't amrried you wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Why does he think you are conning him out of half his house?

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 17-Feb-13 14:43:05

Yeah, threatens to throw you out when you argue, storms off in a huff, is this the kind of man who want to spend you life with.

Bearbehind Sun 17-Feb-13 14:44:13

I don't think you ABU to want to feel secure but I do think YABU to think you should automatically be entitled to half a flat that you have not contributed to.

I'm sure he could get some kind of agreement drawn up which puts you on the deeds and entitles you to half of any valuation gains (or to be responsible for half of any valuations losses) from this point onwards.

He does sound very controlling though, that is pretty dispicable that he turns this on you every time you have an arguement. I'd be more worried about that than the actual financial aspect.

I really think you have far bigger issues than being on the deeds tbh. He obviously doesn't see you as an equal. Why are you with him?

notsoevilstepmum Sun 17-Feb-13 14:45:23

you would be best getting a place together starting afresh he could rent his flat out or sell it and you buy one together unfortunately this is always going to be an issue as you are not on equal footing with this flat it will always be his no matter what in his eyes anyway.

notsoevilstepmum Sun 17-Feb-13 14:46:43

if roles where reveresed would you be giving up half of your flat you had worked to pay off before u met or had been left by a family member i dont think i would.

HollyBerryBush Sun 17-Feb-13 14:47:09

Yes, you can get (I think this is the term) a tennants in common deed rather than a joint deed - TBH - I 'd have my suspicions raised if some bloke wanted half my house - an agreement that you get x% of any raise in house price after the date of your wedding would seem logical.

Sallyingforth Sun 17-Feb-13 14:49:11

Why on earth did you marry this guy?

HollyBerryBush Sun 17-Feb-13 14:49:40

How does the rest of the finances work out between you? joint accounts? pooled resources? 50/50 on bills?

Pandemoniaa Sun 17-Feb-13 14:53:43

And you married him? It strikes me that your problems go way beyond shared ownership, tbh. Anyone who is already talking about throwing you out seems less than committed to the marriage.

Pandemoniaa Sun 17-Feb-13 14:55:26

Am i being unreasonable to think that when married...what we each have is shared?

In this respect though, YABU.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:00:36

Obviously you want security, as someone said, get a place together, that gives you equal footing, his flat is then his own, to sell or rent.

I understand hes protecting his flat, as some greedy people will take what they never helped get.

But you need to find a way of security.

mpi Sun 17-Feb-13 15:02:31

i agree that we should move to a new place and share ownership/tennancy - but he refuses to move
and yes i pay half of all bills
its difficulut to see clearly when somebody is angry and tries to turn the situation into something completely different form how i perceived it

GregBishopsBottomBitch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:06:09

Sounds weird, but if you can, you get your own place, and dont contribute to his.

Because he obviously is happy to take your money but very happy to boot you out when he feels like it.

Cosmosim Sun 17-Feb-13 15:06:19

He can't just throw you out and change the locks. He also can't just sell the flat (you can file a paper with land registry to stop him from selling the marital home for a £1 to his brother). Go to relationships, there's lots of advice there on this scenario.

ComposHat Sun 17-Feb-13 15:06:43

He sounds like a proper tool threatening to chuck you out etc. However I do think you are unreasonable to expect him to sign over half of the house he's paid off to you.

To be honest if someone kept on Gatting on about wanting half of my house, alarm bells would be ringing in my head.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:06:46

Married 4 years and he talks to you like this? I've been with my Dh for 25 years and never has any such thing been said. The balance of power in your relationship is seriously wrong.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 17-Feb-13 15:06:54

Threatens to throw you out and change the locks?shock

Has he always been an arsehole?

OHforDUCKScake Sun 17-Feb-13 15:07:50

Hang on a finger licking minute.

You pay half the monthly mortgage?

Bearbehind Sun 17-Feb-13 15:08:03

He sounds a real catch- not! He refuses to move but refuses to give you any kind of security. I really think the shared ownership is the least of your problems.

The trouble is YABU to think you should get half his flat automatically so even though he us angry, the way you perceive the situation is wrong too.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:08:48

OHfor

No, there is no mortgage. She pays half of the bills

fuckwittery Sun 17-Feb-13 15:08:55

As you live there and it's your marital home you have rights of occupation which can be registered against the title with the land registry - it's v straightforward to do.

www.landregistry.gov.uk/public/guides/public-guide-4 Don't worry about not having your name on the property. He can't throw you out and it would form part of your matriomonial assets to be divided on a divorce - although youd perhaps not be entitled to much if he brought it into the marriage, you have no children and youve not contributed financially. But also your relative incomes and post separation needs relevant. If you have children different position as they need to be housed. more worrying is why he threatens to throw you out and your insecurity about your position in the home.
Family lawyer here.

Bearbehind Sun 17-Feb-13 15:09:03

ducks OP said her husband bought the flat outright so there's no mortgage to pay.

racmun Sun 17-Feb-13 15:09:07

Basically there is the legal ownership and beneficial ownership. If you have contributed to the mortgage then in Equity you are considered a beneficial owner and entitled to some of the value regardless of what the title says. Could cost a fortune though to go through the chancery court and get it sorted.

Owning the property as tenants in common gives you a % whatever that may be and you would be on the title.

Assuming it's mortgaged you need the mortgage company's consent to do the transfer of Equity.

You both need to consider doing wills as any previous wills are revoked by marriage.

HollyBerryBush Sun 17-Feb-13 15:09:11

This should have been discussed before you got married TBH.

Anyway, we have no idea what the arguement was about, what was said because it must have been pretty heated to come out with a line like that. Was that threat before you were married? You've only been married 4 months.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:10:14

A person who threatens, rages and Storms out is someone I'd be considering leaving of my own free wil, TBH

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:10:41

Hollyberry

4 years

Isityouorme Sun 17-Feb-13 15:12:29

Known him 4 years, married 4 months.

80sMum Sun 17-Feb-13 15:13:01

Oh dear it does sound as though he thinks the marriage may not last I'm afraid. He either thinks you are having 2nd thoughts, or he is having them himself. That's a very unsettling situation for both of you. Have you considered trying to talk to a relationship counsellor together?

fuckwittery Sun 17-Feb-13 15:13:31

She doesn't need to establish beneficial ownership by contribution as they are married and court has wide powers to redistribute /split property on a divorce. Sole or joint owner, Joint tenants or tenants in common not v relevant when married unless one dies.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:14:32

Isit

Thanks. Must check before i attempt to correct someone else. dOh!

BlatantLies Sun 17-Feb-13 15:16:38

OP, Can you pease confirm how long you have been married? I read it as you married your partner of 4 years last October.

He sounds awful. I hope you are not thinking of having DC's anytime soon. sad

squoosh Sun 17-Feb-13 15:17:38

Wow, he sounds like a real catch!

mpi Sun 17-Feb-13 15:17:58

thanks for all of your advise...it has confirmed what i thought...i am not being unreasonable to want equal footing in the home we live in ...and if it cant be in my husbands flat then he is being unreasonable to not accept that we move elsewhere and start afresh in a new property....its just angry people can make one question ones own judgement and even start to think that how one feels is wrong

digerd Sun 17-Feb-13 15:18:22

OP perhaps you should enter this Thread in the Legal section.

OHforDUCKScake Sun 17-Feb-13 15:22:25

Sorry, I read that at the start. Id forgotten it said that, doh.

Im not married, so I dont know the answer to this - but does the wife automatically possibly entitled to half of the flat if they divorced?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:24:00

OP,

What do you say to those of us who are questioning why he is even threatening to chick you out in the first place?

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 15:24:46

What are you arguing about?

CloudsAndTrees Sun 17-Feb-13 15:26:41

Do you have children from a previous relationship?

If you do, I can see why he's reluctant to sign over half his house, because if the two of you split up, you would be likely to be able to keep his property that you contributed nothing to buying.

I owned my house outright before I got married. I have children from my previous relationship. As much as I love my husband, and am fully committed to him, I will not have his name put on the deeds of the house. I realise he may have some entitlement to it if we were to get divorced years down the line, but if we did get divorced, my priority is providing a home for myself and my children, not giving an ex a share of something that he didn't pay for.

I think there would be different responses on this thread if it were a man posting that his wife wouldn't put him on the deeds of a house she bought and fully paid for before he came along.

edam Sun 17-Feb-13 15:27:38

If a couple are married, their assets will be divided upon divorce. If they can't agree, this can be done by a court, which will look at various factors such as any dependent children, how long they have been married, what each partner contributed (financially or by looking after the kids therefore enabling the other one to go out to work) etc. etc. etc. A married person can't just chuck their spouse out onto the streets.

ImperialBlether Sun 17-Feb-13 15:28:35

The first time he told me to get out and he'd change the locks, I would have gone. I couldn't live with someone talking to me like that.

If he wanted to keep his property to himself (nothing wrong with that in a way) then he shouldn't have got married. You two should have discussed this before you married. Did you have your own home? Have you ever had a mortgage? Is there anything stopping you from living with him in his house, buying a house of your own and renting it out to pay the mortgage?

Lueji Sun 17-Feb-13 15:29:43

Was the house his before you got together?
Then I don't think you should be on it. It should be his. Particularly if he owns it outright.

But if he's threatening to throw you out and change the locks in an argument, you should leave, not want to share ownership of a flat.

Do you have children together?

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Feb-13 15:35:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ENormaSnob Sun 17-Feb-13 15:41:40

What clouds said.

When I owned my first home it would've been a cold day in hell before I let dh (then dp) on the deeds.

I wouldn't sign over half of my house that I'd bought and paid off.

You are living mortgage free.

Save for a deposit, Get your own mortgage, buy yourself a property in your own name and rent it out.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 17-Feb-13 15:48:09

Maybe the DH has children from a previous relationship and wants to rightly protect his asset for them.

apostropheuse Sun 17-Feb-13 15:48:43

The house is his, bought outright before you married, so in my opinion you have no right to be on the deeds. I do agree that you should either buy or rent together though, with him retaining ownership and letting the house out, or selling it.

If I was in your position and he refused to live in a joint matrimonial home then I would walk. You need to be able to create a situation where you will be secure in the future and should you ever divorce you won't have to start again totally from scratch.

You need to take control of your own life and build your own security. If he chooses to join you as equal partner in that, fine. If not then you need to look out for your own future - with or without him.

Trifle Sun 17-Feb-13 16:11:26

So op, what assets did you bring into this relationship? Did he make the same threats to evict you before you were married ? You said you were paying half the bills, why is that a problem ?

Viviennemary Sun 17-Feb-13 16:12:06

It doesn't seem to be a secure basis on which to build a life together. Do you have children from a previous relationship. It sounds to me as if he is frightened that when he signs over the flat you might file for divorce and thus be entitled to half the flat. There is obviously a huge lack of trust on both sides. Have you actually contributed financially towards this property. I do think if he bought this flat outright before he got married to you then I'm not sure you have the absolute right to be on the title deeds as joint owner.

HappyMummyOfOne Sun 17-Feb-13 16:33:39

I am not surprised that he wont add you to the deeds either, owning property outright is a great asset and he did that himself so why would he hand half over?

It is correct that bills should be shared 50/50 as you cant expect him to support you whilst you pay nothing. You already have no rent or mortgage so could buy your own place as security.

It seems very grabby to want to get your hands on his house.

andubelievedthat Sun 17-Feb-13 16:36:13

Well there you see ? for some it really is all down to "i own ,i paid for , he has no chance..." the path of true love never did run smooth, for sure, but the little money god in some posters soul(?) is the only thing there.

Maryz Sun 17-Feb-13 16:37:17

It doesn't sound as though you are going to stay married long, so I'm not sure I blame him for refusing tbh.

I think you should find somewhere else to live, you are going to have to soon I guess sad.

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Feb-13 16:43:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EuroShagmore Sun 17-Feb-13 16:44:19

I own the marital home. We bought it just before the credit crunch, as the market was starting to stall. My flat sold, his didn't So his is rented out and I bought the house myself. I poured all the equity from my old flat (loads more than in his) plus a large amount of savings into it. He would be entitled to a share of it if we were to divorce regardless of whether or not he is on the deeds. I don't see the need for him to be on the deeds.

Lovelygoldboots Sun 17-Feb-13 16:53:58

I am really shocked that so many people believe that the OP is bu. Could someone please explain to me what the point of marriage is if what you have is not "ours" but "yours" or "mine". There's no point doing it is there? It's till death to us part. And I think the OPs husband sounds horrible.

Jux Sun 17-Feb-13 16:54:20

For heaven's sake don't have children with this arsewipe.

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Feb-13 16:56:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

digerd Sun 17-Feb-13 16:56:34

Euro
So OP can be assured she will be entitled to a share of his house if they divorce, and does not need to have contributed financially to buying it or have her name on the deeds. That has always been so with married couples.

mrsbunnylove Sun 17-Feb-13 16:57:40

leave him. he's not your husband he's your landlord. why are you paying your rent with sex?

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 17-Feb-13 16:59:03

I "made" my DH sell his flat and buy one that we had chosen together in joint names when we got married. He completely understood!

MrsHuxtable Sun 17-Feb-13 17:01:38

Yeah, I don't think he thinks the marriage will last.

mynewpassion Sun 17-Feb-13 17:02:51

I'm giving the OP's husband the benefit of the doubt because like some other posters, I am in the camp of if I paid for it before marriage, its mine only. I am willing to share but I won't let him take half of what I paid for all by myself.

Now, maybe the OP's husband might be starting to see her as grasping while she sees it as security.

I think the solution is for them to have a legal document drawn up stating that she can live in the house in the event he dies but if she re-marries or dies, then the house is reverted back to his family.

HollyBerryBush Sun 17-Feb-13 17:03:40

I do honestly see both sides of this.

Personally, I wouldnt have married anyone who wouldnt share with me! but then again we owned and built our assets together.

I don't know if I'd have held the same viewpoint if I'd held large assets before I got married. I'd have been a lot more cagey I think

Bearbehind Sun 17-Feb-13 17:04:47

OP, I think part of your problem is the way you are wording things, in your last post you said you were glad others agreed you should have an equal footing in your home- which is your husbands flat- that's not what the majority of people are saying- he bought and paid for it so marriage does not entitle you to half of it.

You should feel equal in your relationship and the place you live, which is what you probably mean by 'your home' but if he won't move you will never be equal because it is his property.

If I were you I would get the fuck out of the relationship I would try explaining that you don't want half of his property but you do want to feel more secure in where you live so you both need to find a way to compromise.

Don't keep arguing about wanting half of his property- many people would never agree to that.

ImperialBlether Sun 17-Feb-13 17:06:24

I think it might be because if you've only been married four months and your new spouse starts saying they want to be on the deeds, it's not unreasonable to wonder whether this played a part in them deciding to get married.

As in, "What attracted you to this mortgage-free, home-owning man?"

digerd Sun 17-Feb-13 17:09:07

That is not what the law for married couples says in this country.
In Germany, what each couple has before the marriage belongs to them and not the spouse. Only what is acquired during the marriage is joint property. Not so here.

scarlettsmummy2 Sun 17-Feb-13 17:09:34

If you felt happy and secure in your marriage it wouldn't be an issue. I can see why he would be pissed off!

HollyBerryBush Sun 17-Feb-13 17:10:21

The Op has disappeared - I wish she'd given an indication of ages though.

DizzyHoneyBee Sun 17-Feb-13 17:13:54

If you are not on the deeds and not on the mortgage you can't be made to pay them if he doesn't but, as you are married I am thinking that you are entitled to a share if you divorce.

mynewpassion Sun 17-Feb-13 17:16:03

The home is mortgage-free before they were married. I think he can make the case that she gets nothing or very minimal in the event of a divorce because she put nothing towards the house.

nooka Sun 17-Feb-13 17:24:01

It doesn't really matter what the deeds say once you are married. I bought our family home outright from funds my family gave me. When dh and I separated I took legal advice and was told he had the right to half of any funds from selling. We had been married for almost 10 years and had two children, and I'm sure that came into it, but as the marital home he had acquired rights. It's only before marriage that it matters what is on the deeds.

I agree with everyone else that this marriage looks as if it is on very rocky foundations.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 17-Feb-13 17:25:02

There is the possibility that OP has debt or isn't very good at managing money, and if she ever ends up going bankrupt, this man would lose his house if her name was on the deeds.

I'm obviously just speculating, I think it's more likely that there are children involved somewhere. OP needs to clarify!

RubixCube Sun 17-Feb-13 17:25:09

That's very true mynewpassion.I know this because my mums been through this herself.Exept her ex payed f all in her case

mynewpassion Sun 17-Feb-13 17:49:07

However, if he were to die tomorrow, because they are married, she gets the flat unless he has a will stating otherwise.

Makes me wonder if he already has done this after meeting with a solicitor on his own after canceling ones made by her or by him in her presence. Her comment about him knowing what it means if there is joint ownership makes me suspect that he sought out some legal advice.

kitbit Sun 17-Feb-13 18:00:40

I think YABU to want half of everything automatically, however he is an arse for using this to threaten you. You need to address the latter I think, and suggest pooling assets to get something jointly yours.

specialsubject Sun 17-Feb-13 18:02:50

in normal relationships, houses are shared. In normal relationships, threats to throw a partner out and change the locks are not made. He doesn't trust you. He may or may not have reason.

Sounds like you should file this marriage in the 'oops, bad idea' department and move on.

allgoingtoshitnow Sun 17-Feb-13 18:20:20

Very grabby OP. Looks like you struck fools gold.

RubixCube Sun 17-Feb-13 19:41:34

My mum didn't put her ex on the deeds of her house as i think she knew deep down the relationship wasn't right for her.It's not always true that apon divorce the house that was brought outright before marriage is divided.It all depends how long you have been together if they put anything into etc.

RubixCube Sun 17-Feb-13 19:42:07

*upon

BlackMaryJanes Sun 17-Feb-13 19:48:14

fuckwittery Which land registry form is the most appropriate? I'm in a similar situation to OP. Children involved in my case.

fuckwittery Sun 17-Feb-13 19:55:29

Blackmaryjanes it's form HR 1. Notice will be sent to your ex.

fuckwittery Sun 17-Feb-13 19:56:13

[http://www.landregistry.gov.uk/_media/downloads/forms/HR1.pdf]]

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 17-Feb-13 20:21:22

A man would have to have a sold gold cock before I put him on the deeds to my home.

badguider Sun 17-Feb-13 20:24:15

fuckwittery got there before me - it's the marital home, you cannot be thrown out and he cannot sell it from under you.

TranceDaemon Sun 17-Feb-13 20:29:51

He is being a total twat, and a man who threatens to throw you out and change the locks is NOT someone who gives a shit about you in any way.

If he ever says it again save him the trouble and tell him to stick his flat then run as far as you can in the other direction.

If you don't already, please don't have kids with this twunt.

LessMissAbs Sun 17-Feb-13 20:29:55

Hmmn. What have you contributed? Did you pay half the deposit and do you contribute towards the mortgage? You will be entitled to part of its worth anyway, should you divorce, although its only a short marriage so this might be limited.

But YABU to demand to be put on someone else's title deeds. Why didn't you negotiate this when you got married and why did you marry someone who threatens to throw you out? tbh I would tell my DH to take a running jump if he married me, didn't have his own property and demanded he be put on the title deeds to mine.

Why not buy your own property and rent it out if you want security?

Compos Hat To be honest if someone kept on Gatting on about wanting half of my house, alarm bells would be ringing in my head

I wonder if this is what is causing at least part of his behaviour in this marriage?

RubixCube Sun 17-Feb-13 20:44:36

Less his house hasn't got mortgage from what i've read,he owns it outright.I don't think she would get much only what she's put in maybe

RubixCube Sun 17-Feb-13 20:46:34

My mums ex didn't put anything in and he didn't get anything out and they were married alot longer than 4months

RubixCube Sun 17-Feb-13 20:49:15

So it's not always true abought it being shared after divorce

RubixCube Sun 17-Feb-13 20:49:57

about*

Spero Sun 17-Feb-13 20:59:11

If you got divorced now, you would very likely get nothing. This would be classed a 'short' marriage, even taking into account prior cohab and unless children are involved, aim of court is to put you back in the position you were before marriage.

But if you stayed married for 10 years or more you would get something, maybe not half, butit all depends. Once married it is irrelevant whether you are named on deeds or not. What matters are the contributions you both made to the marriage and these can't always be measured in strict financial terms.

I think you are both being unreasonable. You can't expect to be given half a house but nor should he ever speak to you like that and threaten to evict you.

I am sorry, but this doesn't sound like much of a marriage. You should be able to speak honestly to each other about money issues without it descending into threats and unpleasantness. I can't see how his marriage can survive unless you can both communicate with each other.

Viviennemary Sun 17-Feb-13 21:16:38

I think it's different when there are children from the marriage. I knew somebody who married quite a well off man with his own house. They both had grown-up children from previous marriages. When they split up, it was very acrimonious. She thought she should get half of everything after four or five years. Can't remember what she did get but it certainly wasn't anywhere near half.

thegreylady Sun 17-Feb-13 21:22:21

Surely to goodness in any marriage the family home is a joint asset! When I married dh2 I owned my house outright as dh1 had died and mortgage was paid off.
I put him on the deeds asap and he gave my dc a sum of money euivalent to half their father's share. Where we live will always be 'ours' legally and every other way.

Bearbehind Sun 17-Feb-13 21:27:15

greylady that's very different from the OP's situation though, your second husband made a significant contribution to the family, OP isn't doing that.

Lovelygoldboots Sun 17-Feb-13 21:48:31

Why dont you buy a place together and he can rent flat out. Then you will hav

Lovelygoldboots Sun 17-Feb-13 21:50:04

Security of somewhere of your own to live.

ihearsounds Sun 17-Feb-13 21:50:41

I have made the mistake once to put someone else on my property. Never again. Either we own together from the beginning, or nothing. There is no way am I going to work my arse off to pay off a property that someone else can then make a claim on, even though they have put nothing in.

In the op's dh position, I would be looking at how he can protect himself legally because the op seems to go on about having her name on the deeds. Alarm bells are ringing in my head as well.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Sun 17-Feb-13 21:54:52

I'd really like to know what the OP and her H have been arguing about.

Bit surprised she has not been back.

CabbageLeaves Sun 17-Feb-13 22:09:13

I'm amazed at people who think that when they marry they have an automatic right to take 50% of their spouses life savings. Is that what marriage is about?

I think OP has a dysfunctional relationship. Threatening to throw someone out etc is the behaviour of a controlling person but then so is insisting you own half of a house you haven't bought?

Marriage is not about living completely separately and not supporting each other. Nor is it about one person solely providing for another. It should be two way. I'd never expect to go on deeds of a house I hadn't bought. I would use the money I was saving on rent to accumulate my own investment.

What's his is mine and what's mine is mine... ? I'd run a mile if someone thought that about me

OP, you have been married just four months; that's quite some amount of arguing that is going on, so soon into a marriage. You'd been together 4 years - did you argue before you married? If you didn't, what are the arguments about; and if you did, what ultimatum did he serve you with then, since you didn't live with him so he couldn't threaten to throw you out?

Set aside the question of the ownership of this flat for now, because IMO the arguing and the threats to throw you out are a bigger issue. This is not normal for early married life, it really isn't.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 17-Feb-13 22:26:06

The husband may have had a reason to threaten to throw her out.

For all we know the threat was preceded by her telling him that she wanted to leave, or she would lock him out if he was late home, or she could have done any number of things that made him justifiably angry that led him to say things he didn't mean in a temper.

I'm not saying it's ok to threaten to kick someone out of their home, but there are two sides to every story.

Spero Sun 17-Feb-13 22:31:36

I don't think it is ever ok to threaten to kick someone out of their home, no matter the provocation. It says unpleasant things about what is going on in the mind of the person making the threats.

If they can't sit down and talk about where they see this marriage going, it is doomed, house or no house.

If you have not contributed to the mortgage and he finished paying it off before you were involved then no I don't think you should demand to be put on the deeds.

If a woman on here said my new husband is demanding half of my home now I do not think many would say well yes give it to him!!

What you need to focus on is why you are arguing so much. His attitude is of course quite immature but rather than worrying now about WHAT IF he kicks me out I would worry about preventing the arguments in the first place.

HildaOgden Sun 17-Feb-13 22:39:35

One piece of advice.....don't have children with him.A man who,within 4 months of marriage,is repeatedly threatening to throw you out is not a keeper.

CloudsAndTrees Sun 17-Feb-13 22:42:51

It's not ok to threaten to kick someone out of their home, but it's not ok to demand half of a major asset when you have contribute nothing either!

It doesn't say much for either of them if one is making threats and the other is making demands. They clearly don't have much faith in the relationship, or trust in each other.

Spero Sun 17-Feb-13 23:02:11

But if this was a good marriage he would have been able to talk to her - why do you want to go on the deeds? Do you feel insecure? What can we do to make this better? Buy/rent somewhere else? Own it legally 50/50 but enter into a trust to reflect fact he owns more of beneficial interest?

I can't see where the love is in this relationship. Two people who at best are very suspicious and distrustful of each other. Madness that this wasn't discussed and resolved before marriage, particularly after 4 year relationship.

"i agree that we should move to a new place and share ownership/tennancy - but he refuses to move"
That would be the best solution IMO. Right now you have moved into his house, which, with the best will in the world, must make him feel slightly 'invaded' albeit with his agreement. Moving to a home that is new to both of you will make it feel like a joint home to both of you.

Why does he refuse to move, mpi? What is tying him to this one property?

Sallyingforth Mon 18-Feb-13 11:14:54

Where are you OP?

I asked you at the start "Why on earth did you marry this guy?" and nothing I have seen since has answered it.

As others have said, there are such huge issues between you that really where you live at the moment isn't important. What is really key is the sort of expectations you both have of a relationship that is devoid of mutual respect or trust.

whois Mon 18-Feb-13 12:21:20

I actually don't think you should have a share of his flat. All you pay is half of the bills. If you paid for anything capital then yes, you should have a share.

I own a house from pre DP (we live in a rented flat in another city) and if we got married there is no way his name would go on the house deeds as he has contributed nothing to the deposit, mortgage or running of it as a rental property.

That aside, your DH sounds like a right twat and I don't think the house issue is the real problem. You can't live somewhere so insecurely. Maybe you should get a proper tens by agreement drawn up!

mpi Mon 18-Feb-13 19:03:37

i have spoken to my husband several times about buying new property together ... he flatly refuses to move from this house. I actually never suggested putting my name on the deeds - that was always his suggestion, which seemed to change after several cancelled solictors appointments...i just cant stay in a home where technically i can be made homeless... so i think i will have to buy somewhere of my own and move out. i feel insecure because he has always had a tendency to run away, walk out, ignore me for days on end if he feels slighted and i have been rather weak and silly to think that this would stop when we were married.....

JamieandtheMagicTorch Mon 18-Feb-13 20:58:23

mpi

do you think it would help to talk more about the rows etc? Maybe on here or start a new thread in Relationships? You are going to get more replies regarding the house, which I don't think is the main issue.

Lovelygoldboots Mon 18-Feb-13 21:09:49

I agree with Jamie. This is all about feeling secure in your marriage and you clearly don't. Hope you can sort things out.

notmyproblem Mon 18-Feb-13 23:06:59

OP, look at this not as a crisis but an opportunity. Buy your own place, move out, and RUN LIKE HELL from this useless excuse for a husband. Seriously, he's doing you a favour here. Please listen to what he's saying and look out for yourself and preferably get rid of him so you can get on with your own life!

Agree. Cut your losses and run like fuck.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 18-Feb-13 23:26:42

He can't make you homeless without a court order but I agree with the others sack him.

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