To wear my coat inside someone else's house or ask them to turn up the heating

(195 Posts)
frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 09:12:49

I am someone who always feels very cold. No medical reason, I think it's just because I am quite small and thin with little fat for insulation.

When I am at home I always have the thermostat set at 21-22, and even then often find myself sitting next to a radiator or electric heater.

When I go to friends I always find it very cold. I have a choice of either leaving my coat on, or mentioning that its a bit chilly in the hope that they will say they are cold too, and turn on/up the heating. I feel that whichever option I choose comes across as rude as I am implying that their house is cold (sometimes it genuinely is but most of the time it's just me)

Which would you find less/more offensive? Someone not wanting to take off their coat in your home? Or someone you to turn on/up the heating?

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:13:55

they are both rude!! why dont you wear more layers or thermal underwear besides making a host feel bad?!

HDee Sun 17-Feb-13 09:14:20

No, you have a third choice. You can take your coat off and be a bit cold for a while. Really rude to sit there with your coat on.

My friends house is cold. When I go there I bring a pair of extra socks or wool slippers, I wear layers, and if that does not work I just grab one of her decorative blankets and wrap myself up. I dont care if I am rude!

I think you should just wear more layers. You know you're going to be cold, so it's easy to plan to wear more.

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:16:10

actually think its very cheeky to ask someone to turn up their heating for you especially as there for a visit. heating is very expensive and you want them to heat the whole house for you?? wear more clothes ffs!! some people hmm

asktheaudience Sun 17-Feb-13 09:17:30

Both are offensive!

If you are always cold, why aren't you wearing more clothes?

thanksamillion Sun 17-Feb-13 09:17:31

Wear an extra jumper when you go to visit.

kelda Sun 17-Feb-13 09:18:36

21-22 is quite a high temperature. Mine is set at 18-19 degrees. We all wear jumpers inside the house.

Why do you think you are so cold all the time?

Cat98 Sun 17-Feb-13 09:19:32

For me it would depend who the person is and how close I am to them. My mum or brother I wouldn't have a problem saying I was cold. Most friends or more distant relatives - I wouldn't dream of it tbh. I'd put more layers on or suffer in silence!

frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 09:21:51

Sorry to those who just suggested I wear more layers I should probably clarify. I am currently wearing:

Normal underwear
Thermal underwear (vest and long johns)
A uniqlo thermal top thing
A tshirt
A thick jumper
Wooly socks
A coat (outside and in other people's houses)

So what else exactly would you suggest I wear??

HelloBear Sun 17-Feb-13 09:25:34

Can you get a fleece top, one of thouse that looks more like a jumper than a coat, I find them really warm.

Cat98 Sun 17-Feb-13 09:25:38

Big fleece instead of a coat? Have you been to the doctor though?

HappySeven Sun 17-Feb-13 09:26:05

If you are wearing all that and still feel cold unless a room is 21 degrees I think you should visit your GP. I feel the cold (and I think we always feel colder in other people's houses but that's probably because we're sitting still and not keeping busy) but with that many clothes on you shouldn't. You may need your thyroid checking out.

EuroShagmore Sun 17-Feb-13 09:26:56

I don't think the people saying "wear an extra jumper" get it, tbh.

I'm also cold all the time. It's horrible. If my cold feet brush Mr Euro and make him jump my response is always "think how it feels from the inside". I wear layers but they don't help the extremities. We also keep the heating at 21-22 degrees and in the evening I will often be wearing a thermal vest, jumper, thick cardigan and will still want a blanket over me when I am sitting on the sofa. My mum was exactly the same. My dad used to call her "woman barely alive". (It all changed for her after the menopause though!) We both have Raynaud's and I suspect that is to blame.

I don't think I've ever asked unprompted for someone to put the heating on, but if someone notices that I am huddling or shivering and asks if I would like it, I will not say no! My MIL lives in Southern Ireland and is a fresh air fan. Mr Euro does the winter visits alone. I can't hack it! Shoes off houses are a hazard. I try to remember to take my furry warm slipper boots, otherwise I won't be able to feel my toes after sitting for an hour or so in just socks.

EuroShagmore Sun 17-Feb-13 09:27:46

BTW, I've had everything checked, including Thyroid. I appear to just be built this way.

CailinDana Sun 17-Feb-13 09:27:56

I'd just say "turn the heating up I'm bloody freezing!" But I don't do the whole "suffering in silence due to politeness" thing - far too Irish for that!

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Sun 17-Feb-13 09:28:06

I would go and get checked out at the GP.

Get a fleece, you can get away with keeping them on and not look like your ready to leave all the time!

Branleuse Sun 17-Feb-13 09:29:26

id reither wear an extra thermal layer, or ask your friend if she minds if you keep your coat on for a little while as you just cant warm up today.

I would also maybe speak to your doctor because thats really feeling the cold a lot. If my house is at 21/22 im BOILING

Branleuse Sun 17-Feb-13 09:30:09

gingko biloba might be worth looking into for circulation, and garlic

likesnowflakesinanocean Sun 17-Feb-13 09:31:09

my nans house is always freezing, i just wear an extra cardy and go for the layered look. i would never leave my coat on the whole time

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:32:48

CailinDana am "far too irish" myself but still think it would be rude. i understand your cold. and you obviously feel you cant wear any more clothes. perhaps a trandy beanie (all our heat goes out top of hat) and those hand warmer things you can keep in coat pockets. i dont know .... have you always been like this?

Iamsparklyknickers Sun 17-Feb-13 09:33:32

Could you invest in some of those pad things that heat up? The ones for back pain and period cramps. Or even carry a little hot water bottle with you?

I wouldn't ask someone to turn up the heating in their house, it's expensive and some people are naturally hot people. Imho it's a lot harder to cool down than it is to warm up.

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:33:48

wtf ... still half asleep. a TRENDY beanie as all heat goes out through top of HEAD i meant.

mum47 Sun 17-Feb-13 09:34:11

I work for someone who runs their business from home and their house is freezing. I wear as many layers as I can and even then take a spare cardi with me. I drink coffees to heat me up. It is pretty miserable sometimes, but I would feel awkward asking them to turn heating up.

MusicalEndorphins Sun 17-Feb-13 09:34:35

You should see your doctor to be sure you do not have a medical reason.

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:35:35

we have this argument in work all the time. windows open/closed heating on/off. its an open plan office with big floor to ceiling windows and full of computers and printers that after lunch you'd be fit to pass out. a colleague that sits near me would be wearing a long sleeve tshirt and saying she is cold. i say "i cant take off anymore but you CAN put on more clothes"!

Jamillalliamilli Sun 17-Feb-13 09:36:27

Ours is usually unheated and tbh I don’t expect visitors in winter, unless pre-arranged, but I’d expect a friend to keep their coat on and would offer them a quilt, hat, and or a hot water bottle and hot drinks.

I’d find it very humiliating if they asked me to turn on heating as I’d hope they’d have the sense to realise it isn’t off for the fun of it.

Try a jersey headscarf with a crotchet hat; you’ll be surprised how much heat you lose from your head. Double layer of high denier tights is surprisingly good too, but don’t forget layers can trap cold air as well as warm, so if you go somewhere else that’s warm, it’s why you’re still cold in all the layers, take them off even though you don’t feel warm enough to want to initially.

frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 09:37:19

Ok, I will look into investing in a fleece (although exactly how I am going to fit all of that under my coat and still do it up when I'm outside I'm not quite sure!)

I have had thyroid checked a few years ago, was normal. Thyroid is unlikely to be an issue I think, because hypothyroidism (which can make you feel cold) tends to make you gain weight, and I am slim (lower end of normal).

Raynauds could be a possibility as my hands and feet and ears get particularly cold.

moomintash Sun 17-Feb-13 09:37:38

Have you tried wearing one of those heat packs(you can get them quite cheaply from Home Bargins/B&Ms) I use them if I'm out for a long walk in the winter, I have Raynards and find them a great relief

Mumsyblouse Sun 17-Feb-13 09:37:44

I know everyone will disagree with me, but I think it's pretty inhospitable to invite someone around to a very cold house. I know some people are hotter than others/don't want to spend much on heating but surely that's why you keep it cold when you are in it and then if a relative/friend comes, you light a fire or turn the heating up for three hours. To me, it's like inviting someone over and having no food or a very meagre dinner, it's rude. You can't expect everyone to sit in your house in a slanket just because you do in the evenings!

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:38:55

not being smart or having a dig at you but you have mentioned you are thin. do you eat enough? are you underweight?

Mumsyblouse Sun 17-Feb-13 09:40:14

And- all those saying I can't turn the heating on, what about a small heater (blow heater) costing £10 from Argos, put on for two hours of the visit (even cheaper from Lidl). We are not talking putting the entire central heating on.

Jamillalliamilli Sun 17-Feb-13 09:40:45

'Mumsyblouse', if you've invited them, yes, but if they've brought themselves over, then they should accept your situation, not demand you are able to keep them in what they're used to.

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 09:40:59

but at the same time heating is expensive. tbf i'd turn on a mobile heater if i knowingly had a friend like the OP but i wouldnt be heating my whole house for an hour ot two visit. if visitors "cost" me that much i would be meeting elsewhere with them.

Theicingontop Sun 17-Feb-13 09:42:07

My friend's a bit like you, comes round and sticks the heating on herself. Tells me to stop being a stingy cah. I chuck a blanket at her and tell her to do one. If you're not at that level of comfort and familiarity with your friend I suggest you wear layers next time, as it's really weird sitting there in your winter coat.

Honestly, I doubt you don't have enough insulation on your body, unless you're dangerously underweight. It's probably more of a habit, you being warm 100% of the time (how much is your heating bill?!).

I would add a scarf and wristwarmers to that, at the least.

Also, check that your jumpers are natural fibres (wool, cashmere, silk) and not acrylic.

Wear knee high socks under your trousers.

I would be uncomfortably hot at 22 degrees, and can't actually get my house that warm anyway. I think 18 degrees is about right, especially when it's so cold outside.

CunfuddledAlways Sun 17-Feb-13 09:42:56

our house is always chilly as we can only afford heating for an hour a day, what most of our friends do is take off a layer that was under their coat then put it back on after about half hour so that they feel the benefit, many of my friends are in a similar position though and at least one doesnt heat his house at all. 21/22 is summer!! our thermostat is set at 15 so even when the heating is put on 15 is as high as it goes

GoldenGreen Sun 17-Feb-13 09:43:25

Life is too short too suffer in silence. Just explain and say you are happy to wear your coat if they'd rather not put their heating on. I would never take offence if someone asked - it would be very petty.

skrumle Sun 17-Feb-13 09:45:42

i've developed raynauds and my reflexologist suggested gingko biloba as it helps with circulation - might be worth a try? i don't think i've been as bad the past few weeks since i started it but it hasn't been quite as cold so difficult to tell!

BeeBawBabbity Sun 17-Feb-13 09:46:08

I suffer with feeling cold too, and I sympathise. But I do think it would be rude to ask for the heating to be turned up. Not rude to keep your coat on though. Why would anyone take offence at that if you're cold? If they do then they're being unreasonable.

HecateWhoopass Sun 17-Feb-13 09:46:43

If I had a friend who I knew felt the cold a lot, to the point that they were really suffering - I would happily put up the heating in my home for half an hour!
Hell, even if they were just a bit chilly, I would! It's not like I would be being asked to crank it up to 30 for a fortnight! It's a couple of degrees for half an hour, once in a while.

Sometimes someone has come to the house and kept their coat on and the first thing I've done is ask if they are cold, and if so - I've put the heating up a bit.

If I really, honestly, truly couldn't afford that - I'd certainly have no problem with them keeping a coat on. someone can't help being cold, for crying out loud. It's not like they're sat there being passive aggressively chilly at you! grin

Does your friend know just how badly you feel the cold?

thermal long johns under jeans - jeans are freezing. And don't sit around so much! smile

Bunbaker Sun 17-Feb-13 09:48:53

"I don't think the people saying "wear an extra jumper" get it, tbh."

I agree. I feel the cold easily and don't care if it looks rude to keep my coat on in cold houses. When I am cold I am utterly miserable and very poor company. I would rather keep my coat on, stay warm and be nice to be with.

I try to avoid visiting my sister in winter because she lives in a cold house.

MIL has very poor circulation and simply cannot get warm in SIL's house. She can't help it. She just sits there with several blankets tucked around her.

whatsleep Sun 17-Feb-13 09:49:37

I wonder if any your friends have a thread, I imagine it might be titled 'would it be rude to strip down to my undies when I visit my friends house, or ask her to turn the heating down' . I do feel for you though, it's miserable being cold, but like others have said you maybe should revisit the doctors, there may be more tests they can do......brew

lljkk Sun 17-Feb-13 09:51:14

You need a hat, extra pair of socks and fingerless gloves, OP.

I am cold-blooded, too.
I would never ask to have heat turned up, I would put my coat back on if needed. I had no idea that was considered rude, lol (my excuse = I come from another culture).
I have friends with a house so cold I always keep my coat on. They think it's balmy if temps get to a dizzy height of 12 degrees. Visits often cut short because I start shivering. It's only 15-19 in my house, it's not like I'm used to high temps. I wear same at home minus the coat.

If guest in my house keeps their coat on I crank the heat up! This happens regularly when relatives visit. It's good manners to take note of guest needs, no? But being a gracious guest means you never point out your hosts deficiencies, alas.

lljkk Sun 17-Feb-13 09:51:37

Do you take hot drinks, OP? Often that is only way I can visit my friends for any length of time.

ParsingFancy Sun 17-Feb-13 09:54:57

Can you not be breezily apologetic, and make clear it's your problem, not their failing?

"Please excuse me not taking my coat off, I'm always unnaturally cold and need ridiculous numbers of layers in the winter." And move straight on.

sad at the number of people with little or no heating on.

Ooopsadaisy Sun 17-Feb-13 09:56:51

Hi. I don't do much on MN these days except lurk for ideas/opinions.

Am lurking here because I have the opposite problem. I am a "hot" person (in a non-sexual way).

When I visit I often find myself wanting to sit there in my knickers. I long to throw open a window and breathe deeply. I often struggle not to fall asleep in other people's houses because I find them airless and warm. Very embarrassing.

What's the accepted social protocol for that problem?

When people come to mine I often sense that they find it chilly, so I keep the drinks coming or put on an electric heater that I keep for that purpose.

I am also a small, slim person but am very sporty and always rushing about so I guess that's why I don't get cold.

My Mum comes here and makes un-subtle sideways comments about the temperature. It really hacks me off to be honest.

Wear base layers.

ZenNudist Sun 17-Feb-13 09:57:30

Very rude to do either option you suggest. It sounds like you are freakishly cold, not that your friends are tight with their heating. I have my house at 21 degrees but don't mind it cooler at anyone elses house (luckily). Never feel cold at anyone's house other than my dsis and one friend who has a wood burner in her lounge but unheated kitchen or bathroom.

If you're so bothered buy yourself a shawl or wrap, or nice thick cardi one of those mid length or long ones that are like a coat then you won't look odd. Take it in a bag and put it on, you can keep it with your indoor slipper boots so you will be warm everywhere you go.

It's much more acceptable to ask for a hot drink if your host doesn't offer. Yy to internal heating!

nicelyneurotic Sun 17-Feb-13 09:59:15

I wouldn't be offended and would actually be pleased you told me, I'd hate for a guest to be freezing and having a miserable time.

I'm always warm and find some people's houses unbearably hot so would have no idea how you were feeling!

GirlOutNumbered Sun 17-Feb-13 10:00:20

Rude! My MIL does this! Just wear some more clothes, it's my house I decide the temperature!

surprised at the number of responses suggesting OP is a medical freak for feeling the cold and should dress for an artic expedition when visiting (minus coat because of course that would be rude)

as a host I would be horrified if a guest was that uncomfortable in my home, and would offer whatever I could to make them more comfortable. I certainly wouldn't expect them to take their coat off and feel worse so that I can pretend my home isn't in fact the igloo it apparently is.

I sympathise OP!

Thingiebob Sun 17-Feb-13 10:01:02

If you are cold, keep your coat on. I would prob offer you a blanket as well.

Is this another MN thing I have been totally unaware of all my life. Leaving your coat on in someone's house is rude?


defineme Sun 17-Feb-13 10:02:47

I have cashmere from charity shops-it does make a difference and I think coats that look like jumpers are the answer. There are cardigans thst reach the floor too.
If you can be dx with raynauds at least you have a medical excuse.

Jamillalliamilli Sun 17-Feb-13 10:04:03

Anyone who expects me to suddenly be able to provide them with a a higher standard than I can offer my family really isn't a friend.

I expect my friends to accept our situation, and work round it, just as I accept whatever theirs is and work around that.

Real friends are people who know all about you and whatever situations you're in and like you anyway, and vice versa.

frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 10:06:57

I generally try and be as apologetic and tactful as possible e.g. "Sorry I'm a little chilly, I tend to feel abnormally cold." when I'm actually shivering and wondering why my host has the heating off/ has the back door open for the cats.

I do realise that some people really do find it difficult to afford to heat their homes, but what's the alternative? Meeting me at their home and turning the heating on for 2 hours is probably still cheaper than driving to my home (petrol) or meeting in a warm cafe. If anyone knows of a free warm mutual meeting place where you can chat for a couple of hours I'd like to hear it.

Pickles101 Sun 17-Feb-13 10:13:32

The 'we lose most of our heat through our heads' thing is twaddle and has been regarded so for some time.

TBF OP if you were in my home shivering with your coat on I'd offer to turn the heating up for you - or at least shut some doors to trap some heat. And then I'd pour dozens of cups of tea down you.

forevergreek Sun 17-Feb-13 10:14:57

I Understand your problem. I am always freezing, our home is currently 23 degrees yet I am still wearing several layers. When I leave the house or vist people it takes ages putting extra layers on.

My parents have no central heating just an open fire and I honestly can't breathe/ sleep there ( was the same growing up). I generally avoid visiting in the winter due to this. We last visited before Xmas and myself/ dh and kids all shared the bed to keep warm!

I wouldn't think it is rude to say you feel the cold. I would suggest some merino wool layers if possible. The thermals are great and a nice cardigan over the other layers helps me not shiver. I get cold easily and it's really uncomfortable. My joints/ bones ache in the cold and my head begins to hurt..

ILikeBirds Sun 17-Feb-13 10:16:46

Small slim person and always hot could suggest hyperthyroid Oopsadaisy

Meglet Sun 17-Feb-13 10:24:41

21 degrees isn't hot! Mines set to 24 today and I'm in thermals.

frogspoon I have to plan ahead when I'm visiting other houses. Usually wear thermal layers, although I still get cold as the air is cold. The cold sets my IBS off and makes me quite miserable when it's cold.

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 17-Feb-13 10:32:52

Seriously, if you are wearing all that and are still cold, you may have a problem. Go and see your GP.
Also agree with wearing coats that are not coats (fleeces) inside.
Sitting in someone's house in a padded feather down coat (for example) is plain rude.

catpark Sun 17-Feb-13 10:33:49

When did you last go to your doctor about this ? If it's been a while then you should go back and ask for further testing.

It could be a circulation problem you have, how are you during the summer ?

It could also be your thyroid. Usually with an underactive thyroid you put on weight but some people lose weight instead. If you have an overactive thyroid then you usually do feel hot alot but you can also feel really cold in the winter, as if it's really overactive you probably won't have a lot of body fat to keep you warm as it gets used to run your body instead. Your thyroid also helps to regulate your temperature.

I was always really skinny and used to freeze in the winter, had chilblains on toes etc. and consultants think i probably had an undiagnosed overactive thyroid. (Don't have a thyroid now due to cancer as they think it was so overactive it burnt itself out)

MrsLouisTheroux Sun 17-Feb-13 10:35:51

Also, thing is, your comfort may be someone else's discomfort. Why should someone put the heating up (then have to strip down to a vest top themselves) just so you are not chilly?

Pigsmummy Sun 17-Feb-13 10:38:55

Work on improving your circulation? Brisk walks on a cold day? Keeping your home very warm and huddling with an electric heater is just going to make you feel cold when you go out and making the issue worse? Try turning down the heating slighty, half or one degree at a time wont be nori able but will help, When you feel cold get active? Star jumps, jog on the spot? Our bodies work hard to keep us warm so try to work with it?

As for clothes swap wool with cashmere? Loads of cashmere in charity shops right now and go to a decent outdoor shop for light weight warming layers and gloves, then when you visit a friend just stick on an additional light weight mid layer top and you will be warmer. leaving a coat on is ok but asking someone to turn their heating is just rude.

ophelia275 Sun 17-Feb-13 10:41:36

Why is it rude to keep your coat on if you are cold in someone else's house? I always keep my coat on if I am cold. My host would rather I feel comfortable than be freezing and bad company.

Jamillalliamilli Sun 17-Feb-13 10:42:16

pickles I'm sorry if I'm talking twaddle and everyone knows it but me.

There are more decent ways of informing someone they're wrong and behind the times.

What I do know to be fact is it makes all the difference to my comfort in constantly low temperatures, even if my understanding of why is incorrect.

frustratedworkingmum Sun 17-Feb-13 10:45:11

I'd be mortified if you did this in my house - i can't afford to have the heating on during the day so that would make me feel really crap.

Dolallytats Sun 17-Feb-13 10:46:52

I'm the complete opposite, I always feel too hot. This is even worse now I am pregnant as I have been getting hot flushes-horrible!! I wouldn't be offended if someone kept their coat on (yes mum, I'm looking at you!!). I might even put the heating on for a little bit-but only for a little bit because the heat can make me feel dizzy and a bit sick. My mum and sisters always moan it is cold in my flat and my other sisters house, they haven't figured out that it may be them, not us!!

Saying that, my mum heats her house like it's a sauna-my school friends used to have to wait outside because it was so hot in there. I didn't notice it when I lived at home, but after leaving, I can't stand it!!

I suggest a cashmere and silk blend pashmina to wear as a scarf when out, then wrap around you instead of your coat while in cold houses. My grandparents house has no heating and wall sized single paned windows - it's bloody freezing, but this keeps it at bay as long as worn with a vest, long sleeved top, jumper and arm warmers.

The disposable heat up pads for period pains/muscle pain are very good tucked under your top. Poundland does them quite often.

ChairmanWow Sun 17-Feb-13 10:48:43

I wouldn't want someone in discomfort in my home, but personally I'd rather you just spoke out than sat there in your coat. It would just feel like you were dropping hints, and I hate that.

Mind you if the temperature goes over 20 in our house I'm gasping for air and having to stick my head out of the window so you'd probably be having a blanket chucked over you.

It's not rude to ask though. Not sure why it's being treated as such a big issue.

Bogeyface Sun 17-Feb-13 10:49:06

It depends on the friend I think. My friend knows that I am nesh and doesnt take offence at me keeping my coat on, especially as she rarely has her heating on even in winter and admits her house is cold. If it is someone I dont know well, then I just suck it (and have a bath as soon as I get home as its the only way I can properly warm up!)

Maleeka Sun 17-Feb-13 10:49:21

YANBU, i also suffer from being cold all the time, I have a friend who brings down a blanket for me when i visit, specially when she lights up a fag and stands with the door open!

I remember going to the Science museum with my family and looking at the heat sensor exhibit. I had worn my thermal gloves from the minute i left the house and was still wearing them, and when i looked at the image, my hands were blue! and my familys hands were lovely and white and they were not wearing gloves!

Clearly i am very good at complaining that im cold because everyone i visit either has a blanket for me or turn up the heating and suffer in silence grin

aufaniae Sun 17-Feb-13 10:50:29

I would be honest that you feel the cold and bring some extra layers with you. I wouldn't expect you to suffering silence at my house and would turn the heating up for you.

However if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't ask for the hearing to be put up for you. I'd just hope the host would take the hint, I'd leave it open to them, rather than directly asking for the heat to be put on.

A family member feels the cold and always insists on the heat being put up. When she's around, the house is oppressively hot. She sits there reasonably dressed while those of us who don't like heat suffer. (I find heat very uncomfortable). I think insisting on everyone else being too hot (and costing money) so she can be comfortable is unfair.

Personally though, I wouldn't find it rude if you wore a coat. My house is cold, but I have heaps of blankets around to solve this. In the day time if I or guests feel cold blankets are used. The heating goes on between 6-7am and 8.30-9.30pm, that's it. The blankets are lovely ones though and as I'm usually in one, guests don't feel silly asking for one.

lisad123everybodydancenow Sun 17-Feb-13 10:53:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pluCaChange Sun 17-Feb-13 10:56:04

My ILs consider us Arctic dwellers, and having read this thread, I'm really ashamed I hadn't thought of thyroid issues , which I think MIL has. Must do better! Perhaps in our next house, though, this rental is thermally crap (as they all seem to be...).

Branleuse Sun 17-Feb-13 10:56:08

i went to my friends last week and she told me to wrap up because her house was freezing. So i did. Thermals, insulated walking boots and scarf. She had a blanket round her

BrianButterfield Sun 17-Feb-13 10:57:56

Sometimes there isn't much you can do about someone feling cold - we have a big old house and although we're not stingy with central heating (on a thermostat, not a timer so it comes on when needed) and have an open fire in one room and an electric fire in another, have still had people make little comments about being cold. We have a thermometer so its probably about 20/21 degrees when they say this. Honestly there's nothing more I can do about it really - it's the nature of the house and also that they live in smaller, more modern houses and have their heating cranked right up to a degree we find uncomfortable so they're never used to anything less than sweltering temps.

If someone was cold they'd have to grab a blanket or put their coat on because short of setting fire to the house if they're still cold with CH+fire on there's nothing I can do about it!

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 11:01:24

i think bottom line you just need to say it ... something along the lines of "hope you dont think i am rude am just very prone to the cold" and perhaps joke about the layers you are wearing. then you have said it, wont feel awkward about it and your host wont feel awful and not hospitable. then hopefully next time she may have a heater or few blankets for you on next visit. just say it than sitting there cold and miserable and your host possibly think your odd/ignorant.

KnockMeDown Sun 17-Feb-13 11:03:26

Hi - I haven't experienced this, but 2 suggestions which may be useful:-

1. Instead of a coat, how about one of those long, lined thick cardi-jumpers. This will act like a coat, but not look like one?

2. If it is friends whom you are visiting, then surely they will know you, and your keeping-warm difficulties, so surely they will not be offended by your wearing a coat?

Flobbadobs Sun 17-Feb-13 11:06:15

I would prefer to be asked. We have our heating set fairly low but we're so used to it we wouldn't realise that it felt cold to any visitors unless they mention it. Ask ncely and I'm sure they will stick the heating back on for an hour.

Flossyfloof Sun 17-Feb-13 11:06:52

I am always cold, too; I keep my house lovely and warm. I visited a friend recently, although we have been close for a while as I live near work she has always been to my house. I took my shoes off and my feet were really cold, she has ceramic tiles in a lot of the house. I didn't want to say anything on my first visit. Next time I would take my slippers or thick socks or ask if I could borrow some slippers. I did grab a blanket in the end and put it over my feet. I know I am always cold so I was a bit irritated that I didn't bring socks and she is so lovely I didn't want to say anything. If the house had been bitterly cold I might have commented but it wasn't that - it was me.

Piecesofmyheart Sun 17-Feb-13 11:06:58

How do you manage when you go.out for a walk? Or go swimming etc? You sound like a friend of mine who keeps her heating on all the time, never opens her windows, eats crap, is constantly cold and tired and never stops reminding people how cold and tired she is wink
My hands and feet are constantly cold. I used to live in a constantly over heated house. Then circumstances changed, I can't afford constant central heating, I DO wear extra layers but I'm still alive, generally healthier and have more energy.

Viviennemary Sun 17-Feb-13 11:12:01

I feel the cold too. And am often cold in other people's houses. But I don't wear my coat or say anything unless they ask if I'm cold and I might say a little even if icicles are forming.

Purplefurrydice Sun 17-Feb-13 11:21:50

I always feel the cold and I normally wear a coat in most people's houses (although I do have many scarfs and I try to make do with wearing one and not a coat). They normally notice and ask me if I am cold and want the heating on. I simply respond that I am an abnormally cold person and there is no need to put the heating on just for me as the house is a normal temperature.

bebanjo Sun 17-Feb-13 11:43:15

if i had a friend that felt the cold and i knew they were coming round i would make a fire. if these people are your friends tell them and see what they say, they may bring a quilt down for you, get you a hot water bottle, make you some soup.
if you had taken the time to visit me i would not be offended.

Tasmania Sun 17-Feb-13 11:47:33

Do you take tablets like Siberian Ginseng? Good at helping your body keep warm...

MrsDeVere Sun 17-Feb-13 11:49:46

If you are wearing all that stuff already will a coat make a difference? Sounds horrible for you OP.

Unfortunately leaving your coat on will always come across as rude. It denotes not wanting to stay, being ready to leave etc.

If someone was cold in my house I would do all i could to make them comfortable though.

I have got soft as I get older. I hate being cold now. I don't know how it has happened. I didn't live in a centrally heated home until I was in my late 20s!

Being cold makes me grumpy and unable to concentrate. I feel very sad for all those unable to heat their homes this winter. Being cold is wearing.

Bunbaker Sun 17-Feb-13 11:53:37

"Why is it rude to keep your coat on if you are cold in someone else's house? I always keep my coat on if I am cold. My host would rather I feel comfortable than be freezing and bad company."

I agree. Doesn't it look worse to see someone visibly shivering with cold and looking utterly miserable?

I like to make any visitor to my house welcome and if the heating is too high or too low I adjust accordingly. It is called being a good host and it is good manners.

We can't afford to have heating on, I wear a coat in my own house a lot of the time as its freezing. Electric heaters cost a fortune to run so I can't use them either.

Id be mortified if someone asked me to turn the heating on, we're on our last dregs of oil atm with no money for more so I'd have to say no.

Leggings under jeans are great for keeping warm, and layers of tops.

If people complained I'd point out that we're hardly living like this for fun and they're under no obligation to stay.

Bunbaker Sun 17-Feb-13 12:03:08

Convector heaters don't cost a lot to run as they are thermostatically controlled. When we lived in a house with no central heating they were a godsend.

starshaker Sun 17-Feb-13 12:11:13

My friend had a very cold house for a while and what i did was gave her a fiver before we came so she could whack the heating right up so it was nice and warm for the babies. I never expected her to pay for heating her house just because we were visiting.

MidniteScribbler Sun 17-Feb-13 12:13:20

I'm the opposite, I am always feeling too hot. Even in the middle of winter I'll be wearing a t-shirt around the house and bare feet. If someone came to my house and complained about the cold, I would turn up the heating, but I would inwardly sulk and sit there sweltering praying that you would go home so I can turn it off again. I wouldn't care if you sat there in a coat, but then don't have the "coat means you want to leave" mentality.

People can always add more layers, but there's only so many you can take off before people start complaining about it!

WeAreEternal Sun 17-Feb-13 12:23:45

Are you my SIL OP?

She is petite and thin and feels the cold. She regularly keeps her coat on at our house (and others).

Personally I find it quite rude, if she was just to say "I'm cold can you turn the heating up" I wouldn't mind in the slightest, but I find keeping your coat on rude.

forevergreek Sun 17-Feb-13 12:45:04

if i didnt have any heating though, i would def have some blankets/slippers out for guests and just say help yourself. you dont have to turn the heating up if you cant afford it, but surely offering a £1.99 fleece from ikea and a cup of tea is more hospitable. most people with a cold house must know its cold

TomDudgeon Sun 17-Feb-13 12:51:12

I can get either extremely too hot or extremely too cold. I even suffer pyrexia in labour. Too hot and I've been known to black out, can't go clubbing for example
But I see it as my problem and I work to control it. My own house is either too hot or too cold for me. The hearings is either on or off. Dh likes it too hot, I tend to leave the heating off as I can put layers on and it saves money we really don't have
Just as I cope in my own home I cope in other people's homes. I would never consider being rude to them

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleChimneyDroppings Sun 17-Feb-13 12:54:04

It's not rude to keep your coat on. I would if I was cold. I would also turn the heating up for a cold visitor. I wouldn't want them to sit there in the freezing cold just to be polite.

spanky2 Sun 17-Feb-13 13:04:14

My friend has a cold house so I wear my thermal long johns and 3 jumpers . I don't say anything .

spanky2 Sun 17-Feb-13 13:05:38

I think you must have some circulation issues .

Bunbaker Sun 17-Feb-13 13:07:26

"but I find keeping your coat on rude."

Oh no it isn't. Asking people to turn the heating up is. Why do you find it so difficult to understand that some people just feel the cold more?

Zigzagwanderer Sun 17-Feb-13 13:10:06

If someone wanted to wear a coat in my house I wouldn't mind. Honestly why are people so snobby about this stuff?

SashaSashays Sun 17-Feb-13 13:28:31

I think you must be me OP. I haven't been to the doctors this winter but I've been nearly every year for the past 10 or so, normally because it becomes so unbearable. There is apparently nothing wrong with me (yes I've seen more than 1 doctor) its just I'm little and thin and seem to really feel the cold.

Our house is at a steady 23. In the evenings I sit with our fire on and blankets. I'm constantly drinking hot drinks, always wear warm clothes and socks and then I can find some comfort. I can normally cope with houses down to about 20 for short periods because I wrap up for going to other peoples homes. However when I've been to colder homes I find it unbearable. Someone mentioned this but it seems to set off IBS in me, I can't breathe, I lose all my personality and all I can only think how cold I am so I just go home asap.

I now keep blankets, an extra jumper, thick socks, and various other winter bits in the car and if suffering I'll wear them in other peoples homes. I will also wear my coat, I know it doesn't look great but I explain I'm a sort of freak who feels the cold when in the caribbean.

Also someone said what do we do when we go out, well I look like the Michelin man. So many layers under a full length down coat, hat, massive scarf and gloves in down mittens. I do go running but even then I wrap up super warm.

Thingiebob Sun 17-Feb-13 13:29:26

It is rude to ask to put the heating on, but it is even more rude to let a visitor visibly freeze in your home - it is NOT hospitable.

I was brought up to make visitors feel comfortable in my home. If they feel comfortable wearing their coat then I wouldn't question it.

TheSecondComing Sun 17-Feb-13 13:33:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isandri Sun 17-Feb-13 13:37:13

I have Raynauds and get cold, my husband is literally a hardy Viking. We have lots of lovely blankets and this winter have turned the heat up to 18degrees which is a bit hot for him as we have a baby who feels the cold like me.

Bunbaker Sun 17-Feb-13 13:41:14

"I was brought up to make visitors feel comfortable in my home. If they feel comfortable wearing their coat then I wouldn't question it."

The voice of common sense.

garlicbreeze Sun 17-Feb-13 14:09:21

Thank goodness someone's said that, Bun! (Haven't read full thread; seemed pointless.) I'm a 'cold' person and my house is cold due to budget. I sit next to an electric radiator. I would expect a visitor to tell me when they're cold, then I can provide additional warmth. And if I couldn't afford to, of course they can keep their coat on and I'll supply hot drinks (or a hot water bottle!) for their chilly hands smile

Some people are ridiculously unyielding. I don't want to visit them grin

starsandunicorns Sun 17-Feb-13 14:31:37

Had many people come to my last house that stayed in their coats I used to warn them that I couldnt afford to put heating on. You got lots of brews though. One person thought I was joking and couldnt understand why I wouldnt put heating when she saw her breathe. My dc at were happy to watch tv or play on computer while sat on sofa with a large duvet over them. This women thought I was being cruel and said so I never invited her back.

Where I live now dp and me rarley have the heating in if friends pop in on a whim they bring they jumpers etc if we know they are comming I pop heating on for a bit.

I wouldnt think you were rude if you kept your coat on.

Pandemoniaa Sun 17-Feb-13 14:48:34

I feel the cold much more than I suffer from heat but you seem to be wearing an exceptional number of layers already, OP so suggesting another jumper isn't going to help. With me, it is extremities that get cold and I'm a great fan of fingerless thermal gloves and at least a couple of pairs of warm socks with boots.

I've just spent the last week without central heating and it was no joke. However, I do have an open fire and when friends visited I warned them it was going to be bloody cold. They wrapped up accordingly.

As to whether it is rude to ask people to turn up the heating, I guess it depends on your friends. I've a friend who really doesn't notice how cold her house is (and has no problem with the cost of heating) and she has no problem with me commenting on how arctic it is. But I think that generally it is rude to assume that friends will turn up their heating for your benefit. Equally, you'd hope they were hospitable enough to notice your discomfort and do something though!

My house is freezing. It is very old, very big, and poorly served by radiators. It is not possible for us to heat some areas very well, and when guests ask us not to light the wood burners (some do for whatever reason) the reality is they are going to be cold. I am not offended if they wear coats. I am if they complain constantly, and fuss about the level the thermostat is set. This is how I live every day, and I cope, so dealing with it for one evening shouldn't be a huge drama.

I sit in other people's stuffy over heated houses with a whopping headache and don't say a word (even though I'm itching to open a window and air the place). It's good manners.

Somethingtothinkabout Sun 17-Feb-13 15:11:41

My DP's parent's house is b big old house and I am like you OP, small and often cold generally but I literally sit with my teeth chattering when we go to visit them, so. I wear layers and keep my coat on too, and down mugs and mugs of tea. They don't seem to be offended, but I don't really have much choice if they are, other than not go at all, which I'm sure would offend them more! I know their heating bill is £800 a quarter so they do try and heat it, it's just a big old Scottish house.

Once we were all sitting in the living room together and the fire was on, it actually got quite cosy after an hour or so, so I took off my coat, then they all cheered! grin It was in a "we finally managed it" kind of way!

HerrenaHarridan Sun 17-Feb-13 16:07:49

Op. I think you will realise by now that whatever you do your going to offend some body grin

I lived in the woods in the Scottish winter by wearing
Thermal bottoms
Thin jogging bottoms
2 pairs socks, one cotton with jb's tucked in, one wool
Vest top
Dress ( to cover lower back)
Thin long sleeve
Thin short sleeve
A snugish fleece
2 decent jumpers
Fingerless gloves

Experiment with layering, remember lots of thin layers are more effective than a couple of thick ones.

If your cold and self conscious ask for tea

hmm For all the people who feel they have to live in cold houses because they actually can't afford to hear them

Some of you really need to take on board that not everyone can just crank it up. Remember to appreciate it!

fluckered Sun 17-Feb-13 16:12:32

there is a lad that comes visiting dp and would stay for hours ... takes him an hour before he finally sits down standing at the presses and talking. makes me very uncomfortable and i think "what d fuck is wrong with ye". also refuses tea/coffee until he eventally has one and then will drink 5 before going home hours later. weirdo!

greenhill Sun 17-Feb-13 16:29:17

Buy a duck down gilet (make sure the feathers are ethically sourced). It is like wearing a duvet and has improved my life considerably.

Wear lots of layers, knee socks under trousers, thermal lined leather gloves and always carry a flask with hot drinks in it when you are out and about.

Our heating is on and I'm under a duvet in bed, reading. I'll be adding more layers before I venture downstairs for a hot drink soon.

showtunesgirl Sun 17-Feb-13 16:32:49

I used to suffer from the cold all the time and would have blocks of ice for hands and feet. But since I've put on some weight, it's not been a problem. The worst thing was always having a freezing bottom!

It's bloody horrible feeling cold all the time.

nooka Sun 17-Feb-13 16:37:53

Our thermostat is set to 17, if we are cold we turn it up to 18. I'd be a bit surprised if a guest felt that was cold (I grew up in a seriously cold house with no central heating). Not sure I'd care too much if a guest kept their coat on if they told me it was because they suffered from the cold. I'd probably light a fire for them.

To me other people's houses are often hot and airless, which is OK so long as I don't have to sleep there, and then it becomes a real problem.

andubelievedthat Sun 17-Feb-13 16:52:43

Simples> turn up with a hot water bottle ! i am like (apparently) always cold ,peeps do say "its freezing in here" (where i am ) thing is , i don"t think so, but any increase in temp. has me near passing out.we are all so different.

EuroShagmore Sun 17-Feb-13 18:07:11

To the person who suggested it might be due to eating cr@p etc, I posted earlier saying I was always cold, like the OP and I find that quite offensive. I eat very well. I exercise a fair bit (run, gym, etc) and walk a couple of miles most days. I don't smoke. I drink a couple of glasses of wine a week. I have a stable, healthy BMI (21-22) It is just the way I'm built. I was fine as a child. My mum is fine now post-menopause, and I hope I will be too. It's somehow linked to puberty/menopause. There is nothing I have discovered that I can do now to improve things.

BTW, I'm equally uncomfortable in very hot places like Egypt. I sweat like a pig, despite being reasonably slim. I need to drink about 3 times as much as my husband to stay hydrated. My body is just not at all good at regulating my temperature.

Meglet Sun 17-Feb-13 18:15:31

I was told by a dietician that my diet is too healthy (inflaming my IBS). So, no crap here. Although my BMI is 18 which certainly doesn't help me keep warm.

I need to move to the Australian Outback to keep warm and hope none of my neighbours have air con. Few things make my heart sink as much as air con.

As another wise poster said recently on this subject (can't quite remember the precise words) 'you can't warm an ice cube up by putting a jumper on it'.

lljkk Sun 17-Feb-13 18:16:00

It is a mystery, though, EuroShag. I used to be the opposite, I was always too warm. I wore shorts outside when there was snow on the ground.

After pregnancy with DS2 I changed into an always cold person. Nothing else has changed for me among the suggestions here. Being too-cold is more convenient, by the way, much better wardrobe choices I think.

Roll on menopause & hot flashes, I think I'm going to enjoy them smile.

Noideaatall Sun 17-Feb-13 18:46:09

I am always too warm as well - my PIL's place is torture, sooo hot. But when they visit us I turn up the heating for them - so I do sort of think, why can't they turn theirs down for me....? I would keep my coat on tbh. Then your host isn't suffering instead. Although ducks as people throw stuff regular exercise does help keep you warmer....

TooMuchRain Sun 17-Feb-13 19:00:15

If anyone knows of a free warm mutual meeting place where you can chat for a couple of hours I'd like to hear it

Library? Museum/gallery? Lots of them have areas to sit in.

If your friend is a close friend, why not just explain and ask for a blanket/fleece/hot water bottle? Anything is better than a coat which looks rude and generally feels uncomfy because of the bulk.

NeverWinsMNComps Sun 17-Feb-13 19:22:45

Never would have guessed that keeping your coat on is considered rude! I'm always cold and tend to pile layers and layers of fleeces on until I look like a millets advert. I do know one person whose house is always freezing when I visit, to the point where I add several extra layers when I go there. At one point during the deep snow she asked me "Do you never take your coat off?". Nope.

NeverWinsMNComps Sun 17-Feb-13 19:23:40

Actually, I frequently forget to take my coat off at home too. I must be the height of rudeness!

frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 20:09:30

TooMuchRain: Last time I had a chat with a friend in the library, the librarian started glaring at me. Museum not such a bad idea though.

A lot of people have mentioned that a healthy lifestyle (diet and exercise) will help. I already eat a fairly healthy diet, although I also have IBS, so I don't eat too many foods that are high in fibre as they make me ill (lots of cold people here with IBS, maybe they are linked?). I doubt that eating even more healthily would help as I am slim (BMI 20-21) and lack fat insulation as it is. It would be interesting to know if the very hot people on here have higher BMIs and therefore more fat insulation which keeps in the heat so they don't get cold.

With regards to exercise, I have always hated it since I was a child, and the main reason for this was that I hated going out in the cold! I have unpleasant memories of wearing 2 pairs of gloves for P.E., yet having hands so cold I was unable to undo the button on my netball skirt. I am aware that being more active improves circulation, which may help, but currently I cannot afford to join a gym so the only option is outdoor walking etc, which I cannot tolerate due to the cold.

specialsubject Sun 17-Feb-13 20:13:38

you could always do what my grandma used to do , and go for a few laps round the nearest shopping mall. This was her winter exercise as there was no chance of slipping on ice.

getting moving should warm you up. You do sound most unusual..

most people who keep their houses at a 'normal' temperature (too cold for you for whatever reason) will be uncomfortable heating it to your level. Add some extra jumpers or just explain you have a health problem and keep your coat on.

Varya Sun 17-Feb-13 20:16:57

Never have stat above 16C and when twins were small MiL offered me 50p to light the fire!!!!

eccentrica Sun 17-Feb-13 21:20:36

frogspoon BMI 20-21 really isn't that low and I think your repeated suggestion question that "the very hot people on here have higher BMIs and therefore more fat insulation" is bordering on offensive.

Before I had my daughter I had a BMI around 17, sometimes lower, sometimes a little higher. I got colder than I do now but not that much, and certainly never considered asking someone to turn up their heating and make themselves uncomfortable. And I was a hell of a lot thinner then than you are now.

frogspoon Sun 17-Feb-13 21:45:21

eccentrica: It was merely a suggestion that there could be a possible link between BMI and tolerance to cold, and not intended to be offensive. However I feel you are nitpicking regarding how thin or not thin I am. A normal healthy BMI should be between 18.5-25. Therefore a BMI of 20-21 is in the lower half of that range, which is why I described myself as "quite thin", "slim", and "lower end of normal".

Over 60% of the UK adult population is currently overweight (a BMI of over 25), so a BMI of 20-21 is certainly below average. Your previous BMI of 17 would be underweight, and not within the healthy range.

I doubt that my slim but healthy frame is the cause of my intolerance to the cold, although I expect that as fat is an insulator gaining half a stone would probably help a little.

Carrie37 Sun 17-Feb-13 21:56:31

Frogspoon I get around this by buying the hand warmers (sometimes feet warmers) in ski shops and putting them in my trouser pockets ( and shoes). Dd 8 has really bad Raynauds is on nifedipine and this is how I get her through a school day. Costs a lot for Dd 10 quid a week as they are about £1 each but affordable if you don't go visiting very often.

scarednow Sun 17-Feb-13 21:57:39

I have a friend who keeps her coat on when she comes over. I asked her the first couple of times if she was cold and did she want me to put the fire on (gas fire, heats the room very quickly) and she said no she was fine and often just kept her coat on.

I didn't think it was rude, just worried that she was unconfortable. I don't ask anymore.

garlicbreeze Sun 17-Feb-13 22:38:42

I've been thin, fat, active, inert, healthy, sick, fit and flabby. I am always 'colder' than the average Brit. I used to run around in titchy clothes on midwinter nights, but that's because I was a misguided fashion victim! I was still (fashionably) cold until I got drunk; alcohol lowers your core body temperature so you don't feel cold grin

I'm happier in warmer climates. It has to be boiling before I'm too hot. None of this has the slightest connection to weight or fitness and it is quite rude to assume a correlation, imo. Obviously cardiac and vascular illnesses affect sufferers' temperature regulation, as do hormonal and metabolic disorders. That's not the same as telling anyone who feels the cold they must be unfit!

(Not aimed specifically at you, OP, just feeling huffy at the general arrogance of some posts ...)

lljkk Mon 18-Feb-13 09:16:17

If anyone knows of a free warm mutual meeting place where you can chat for a couple of hours I'd like to hear it

Cafe area of local swimming pool (modern build).

I had to leave library due to shivering, recently.

My BMI is up to 22-23 and I'm as cold as ever, weanh...!

whois Mon 18-Feb-13 10:45:56

I don't think it's rude to keep your coat on. I would probably offer a throw to a friend who was sitting in her coat. I often feel cold but understand that is ME and it is not cool to put the heating on up to 22!

It is VERY rude to ask them to turn the heating up.

Why don't you wear thermal base layers under your trousers and tshirts?

bowerbird Mon 18-Feb-13 11:00:19

OP I really feel for you, as for much of my life I've been the same (though starting to grow out of it). Being cold all the time is really horrible.

At the risk of offering advice you've heard a million times before ... keep your head covered with a simple beanie-type hat, and also wear proper slippers (the kind with soles) as well as thick socks. These two things were for me a life changer, especially the slippers (which I'd always avoided as being terribly middle-aged).

I don't think it's really on to sit with a coat - it implies a criticism of your host. And you can't ask for the heating to be turned up as it's ruinously expensive these days. However if it's offered, then say yes enthusiastically and gratefully.

good luck OP. And remember, spring is on the way!

Hippymama Mon 18-Feb-13 11:11:30

My house is cold with no heating on at the moment as the oil has run out and we can't afford to buy more sad I have the coal fires lit so it is warm in those two rooms but a bit chilly everywhere else! Maybe your friend doesn't have the heating on because she can't afford to? That said, I wouldn't be offended if you kept your coat on at my house, but as a friend I'd hope you understood why I can't turn on the heating!

LoopDeLoops Mon 18-Feb-13 11:17:28

I live in the tropics, and we have heat wars here too.

I really feel the cold (part of the reason I wanted to come here), but people in my office don't. We have the aircon st at 24, but that's far too cold for me. I tend to turn it off if there's no-one else around, others would naturally have it at 19.

atthewelles Mon 18-Feb-13 11:23:36

I feel the cold (although not as badly as I used to) but would only ask my mum or my sister to put up the heating. With anyone else I would just suffer in silence (even my brother as I know my SIL is frugal re heating and electricity bills, although very generous in general).

When I used to work in shared offices I used to always be freezing as there was invariabley at least one person who wanted windows open all the time. I used to wear layers into work but still felt cold and miserable a lot of the time.

Frogspoon have you had your blood pressure checked low blood pressure causes people to feel cold High blood pressure people are more likely to feel warm. It is why many pregnant woman feel cold especially in early pregnancy as you blood pressure tends to be lower.

I used to freeze at work the temperature at my desk was measured at 14 degrees although people around me complained it was too warm, I have always felt the cold, I had to get up earlier and do some house work just to get warm.

willesden Mon 18-Feb-13 14:56:23

Have you had your thyroid checked? You have definitely mentioned symptoms of thyroid imbalance.

I was about to say the same about thyroid levels - as I understand it, the lack of weight gain doesn't rule out thyroid issues (which seems to be what you are assuming).

Ilovexmastime Mon 18-Feb-13 15:20:14

I would hate to think that someone had come round to my house and silently sat freezing their arse off, I'd much rather they kept their coat on. Nowadays I would also offer to turn up the heating, but when we had less money that wasn't an option.

AnnaRack Mon 18-Feb-13 17:32:20

I think it's quite rude to keep your coat on as it implies you're not staying. If you are going to keep your coat on, make your visits very quick, eg just 15 mins no more. Or you could buy a coat that doesnt look like like a coat, more of a cardi, just for visiting.

valiumredhead Mon 18-Feb-13 17:37:19

I would turn my heating up ONLY if you were already wearing thick socks a fleece and layers!

PessaryPam Mon 18-Feb-13 17:40:32

If you are cold keep your coat on, it's their problem.

thezebrawearspurple Mon 18-Feb-13 17:55:58

I'm surprised anyone would be offended by a guest keeping their coat on, I always do in a non heated home. It would be rude to ask to turn the heating on though, they may not be able to afford heating so I wouldn't say anything unless they mention your coat, then just be honest and say that you can't tolerate the cold at all. Only an idiot would be offended by that! They might even turn the heating on for you smile

People always strip when they come to my place, if it's still bothering them, I'll happily open the doors/windows and wrap myself in a blanket. It's horrible for anyone to be uncomfortable with a too high/low temperature. We all feel things differently.

KitchenandJumble Mon 18-Feb-13 18:01:11

Asking someone to turn up the heat in their house is rude, I'm afraid. Just as the hosts have a responsibility to make their guests comfortable in the spirit of hospitality, guests are also responsible for behaving in ways that will not offend or upset their hosts. Presumably your hosts think the heating is appropriate for them and their guests. Why should your comfort level override that of the hosts and any other guests?

I had the opposite situation last spring. A guest at a party asked me to turn on the air conditioning in my house. I live in a part of the US that gets extremely hot in the summer, but this was only May and it honestly was not that hot outside (around 80 degrees Fahrenheit). I don't like to use the air conditioning very often anyway, even in the worst heat of summer. So I found my guest's request very rude, though I did turn on the a.c. because he asked.

Latara Mon 18-Feb-13 18:14:09

I think you should keep your coat on; some of my family & friends do because they feel the cold.
I never knew that it was considered to be rude to keep a coat on either; but then i don't treat my guests formally.

Bunbaker Mon 18-Feb-13 19:16:55

I don't understand why anyone thinks it is rude to keep your coat on either. Isn't it more rude to expect your guests to be uncomfortably cold and shiver because you can't afford to turn up the heating or don't want to turn up the heating?

LondonNinja Mon 18-Feb-13 19:19:57

Agree - strikes me as weird for a host to be offended by someone trying to keep warm by wearing a coat. I avoid visiting pro

LondonNinja Mon 18-Feb-13 19:21:09

I avoid visiting people who always have cold houses. I simply don't feel comfortable and would prefer a cosy pub or cafe...

LookatMeeeeeee Mon 18-Feb-13 19:44:21

I think people get used to whatever temperature their house is (unless it is absolutely freezing).
So it probably doesn't occur to these people you are visiting to turn the heating on or up - any more than you might think of turning yours down when people visit you, for your guests' comfort grin.

Our house is about 18 degrees, that's normal for me and if it gets hotter then I have to open a window. I now know which of my friends have abnormally hot houses, and I make sure I wear thin clothing when I visit them, otherwise I am sweating and gasping and feeling nauseous the whole time. It's just what you get used to imo.

If a guest said to me that they were cold, I would turn up the heating, shut the windows, give them a blanket and a hot drink, but if they didn't say anything then I would assume they felt comfortable enough.

I would try and add more layers rather than a coat if I were you - have you tried long socks, wrist warmers (or cuffs that are too long), polo neck tops as a base layer? And ask them to turn up the heating.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 18-Feb-13 20:10:00

Oh no, I asked a friend to turn up the heating at Christmas! It was icy and DD was 10 months and another friend was bringing her 6 week old baby. Is it impolite to ask when it's for very little babies?

ChoudeBruxelles Mon 18-Feb-13 20:12:26

Layers. I have a friend whose house is always cold. I put a vest on, long sleeve top and a warm jumper and tights under jeans. She sits there in a tshirt. I wouldn't leave my coat on or ask her to turn the heating up.

DoctorAnge Mon 18-Feb-13 21:01:51

Jees some of you are really bloody inhospitable!

So rude not to make your house comfortable and warm for a guest, if someone kept their coat on in my house I would say sorry are you cold let me pop the heating or offer you a warm drink and make you comfortable and relaxed.

How tight is that not to pop it on for a few hours it's hardly going to break your bill hmm

My Dh has the same problem, he is cold to the touch always, he'd set the thermostat at about 26 or 27 if he could and he's still be dressed up warm.
His thyroid was checked just last month and is just fine and he's not anaemic. He's not too slim, quite normal just cold all the time. I've been goggling and read something about Cayenne pepper capsules, and need to look out for them, it said they are sometimes also used to help in weight loss, which he doesn't need, but If they work to make him feel warmer I'm sure he won't mind eating more calories.

fallon8 Mon 18-Feb-13 21:57:02

Do you get asked to other people's often? Or do they only ask you once...yes it is rude..

No point in asking me to turn my heating up - house is old and draughty with high ceilings. On cold days it's just cold indoors and never really reaches the thermostat temperature. And if I can turn it up the house gets warmer by about 1 degree an hour. I'd tell you to bring more clothes!

garlicbreeze Mon 18-Feb-13 22:16:03

How tight is that not to pop it on for a few hours it's hardly going to break your bill

That was quite an ignorant remark. Because I prioritise heating, I have to halve my food expenditure when I know the weather's going to be cold - even so, I can't heat my home to a comfortable (for me) level. At this time of year, a few hours at 24° instead of 16° means leaving it off for the whole of the next day or I'll risk running out of all fuel before I can top up.

DoctorAnge Mon 18-Feb-13 22:18:21

Of course I get asked to people's houses if that was to me confused in fact I was at my friends all day today. Warm and toasty and offered hot tea and food at intervals. It's called looking after your guests and being mindful of their needs. Who would have people over in February and not have the house warm?

If I were shivering at someone's house I wouldn't bother to ask to turn the hearing on I would just make excuses and go as soon as possible.

If you always feel the cold, it is your responsibility to wear plenty of layers. Rude to keep your coat on.

Some houses are cold, even with the heating on. I'm sitting in cashmere jumper and cashmere socks here, the heating is on full but it's still not warm warm. Tis a Victorian house.

garlicbreeze Mon 18-Feb-13 22:25:34

Nice stealth boast there!
I am assured that my socks & jumper came from free-range acrylics wink

Well my chilly friend gets parked in front of the fire - and has even slept there on occasion. She brings slippers to our house because compared to her underfloor heating (which she plumbed herself) our floors are freezing. There is no way I could heat the whole house to her comfort level, but I can light fires to get a room or two baking hot warm for her.

LightTheLampNotTheRat Mon 18-Feb-13 22:33:48

I'd make my excuses and try to leave a chilly house as soon as possible - I hate being cold. Once stayed with friends in the north of Scotland - in August! - and it was absolutely freezing. We had loads of clothes and put them all on at once, but still cold. They didn't put heating on, because it was August! I know it was kind of them to invite us, but I wouldn't stay there again - would prefer to be somewhere where I can control the temperature indoors. I think it's a bit mean to disregard whether your guests are comfortable.

HeyToodles Mon 18-Feb-13 22:45:23

Slightly off topic, but I once went to view a house to rent in the middle of winter.

The house was freezing cold and the whole family had their winter coats on, apart from a poor baby who was swinging in a bouncer in a draughty doorway with just a babygrow on!

Poor baby wanted to snuggle him in my own winter coat, made a point of asking to be shown the heating system as the house felt cold. (probably hated me)

Bunbaker Mon 18-Feb-13 22:47:58

"Rude to keep your coat on."

NO IT ISN'T. I don't think you understand what it is like to feel so cold that you cannot function properly.

It is rude to keep your house so cold that guests need to keep their coats on.

deste Mon 18-Feb-13 22:52:27

Op I was like you until two years ago. If my house was at 18 I was absolutely frozen. Now if its 18 I actually feel warm. I was on medication and stopped it two years ago. I could never even consider going out with a short sleeved top, even in summer. The only problem now is that I am too hot in bed. I have a six tog quilt and even that can be too much. I have been known to be freezing in Majorca in July. Friends used to laugh until they felt my hands.

deste Mon 18-Feb-13 22:53:40

I found that being cold was painfull.

memphis83 Mon 18-Feb-13 23:01:50

My mil won't put heating on as it makes her chest bad. She has a digital thermometer and the other day it was 9 degrees. I used to sit in my coat but now ds doesn't shut up about 'coat off mummy' until I do. I wear thermals and bed socks to visit.
What makes it worse is the fire is one that you can turn on the flame for decoration and I always stand in front of it hoping its actually on!

If guests need to keep their coat on because they are insufficiently dressed underneath, that's a different issue than people having health issues which mean they can't help feeling cold.

Surely if you know you're going to a colder house (how can it be rude to have an old house that doesn't get hot in the way a new one might btw), you put more clothes on?

frogspoon Mon 18-Feb-13 23:33:26

I do wish people would read the full thread (or at least the first page) before commenting that I should be wearing more clothes. I have already made it quite clear that I am wearing plenty.

KitchenandJumble Tue 19-Feb-13 02:17:20

But if you're still cold, then maybe you do need more layers?

Bunbaker Tue 19-Feb-13 06:30:27

I agree frogspoon. Some people just don't get it. I always wear more layers when I visit my sister, but when the ambient temperature is that cold I can't get warm no matter how many layers I am wearing.

Not everyonw who feels the cold easily insists on wearing summer clothes all year and having the heating on at full blast.

They just don't understand the sheer physical discomfort of feeling so cold that it makes you feel so utterly miserable.

Ilovexmastime Tue 19-Feb-13 08:11:28

I cannot believe how many people think that YOU are rude! It's not your fault you feel the cold so much. So much for empathy.

All you people who want the heating up for your comfort, do you turn it down in your houses if your guests are hot?

My mum has the heating blaring out at a temperature that just about makes me feel faint. Last summer I went during the hottest weekend of the year (about 28C) and cleaned her house top to bottom (hot work!) I asked if it was OK if I opened a window and she said she hadn't thought it was particularly hot! confused

lljkk Tue 19-Feb-13 09:44:00

I would do if they asked, NGNB. But to be honest, my heating at home is only at 15 on the thermostat, which turns into 18 in the warmest room. I don't think it's overly warm by any standards except for my friends who don't want to pay themselves for it to be above 12 in their own houses.

ithaka Tue 19-Feb-13 09:51:30

It is a tricky one - some people just have cold houses and that is what they are used to. My sister lives in a big, draughty farmhouse. Her children will be skipping about in skimpy nighties and bare feet while I am huddled in my fleece. I couldn't ask her to turn the heating up as she doesn't really have any as such, the house is as warm as she can make it. They are all super healthy and never get colds as well.

Vickibee Tue 19-Feb-13 10:00:04

Fully empathise with you OP I am cold just like you. The only place I am truly wArm is in bed. And that is with two duvets! I sit with a snuggle blanket and hot water bottle on an evening even though our home is warm enough and dh is sat there in shorts and t shirt.

quoteunquote Tue 19-Feb-13 10:17:40

Normal underwear
Thermal underwear (vest and long johns)
A uniqlo thermal top thing
A tshirt
A thick jumper
Wooly socks
A coat (outside and in other people's houses)

wear a thin pair of socks with a thick wool pair over them, (lovely wool socks in your local farmer merchants cheaply,

or wear a pair of wool tights with a pair of wool socks over them,

vest, thin long sleeved thermals, preferable with a silk blend, check out the climbing shops for clever underwear, breathable but warm enough for mountain tops,

silk mix stretchy long johns, check out the climbing shops,

long sleeved underwear top breathable , from climbing store,

instead of the one thick jumper, look at the sales, find cashmere jumpers, tank tops, cardigans,scarves, layer up, cashmere is unbelievably warm especially layered, look at the mixes for easier washing.

buy micro fleeces(TXmax and climbing shop)

jeans are terrible for keeping you warm, lots of wool mix trousers in the sales,

tweed is really warm, buy a classic jacket(will last a life time), you can still wear a coat over it,

the trick is lots of thin layers rather than bulk,

I got given some stretchy silk fingerless(but with only thumb bit) gloves which act as extra sleeves,

pashmina wraps, will help.

maddening Tue 19-Feb-13 10:55:50

If you know you have a problem with maintaining temps then invest in thermal underwear and maybe heat packs.

Or ask for a blanket? Sat on the sofa with a blanket is nicer than a coat.

maddening Tue 19-Feb-13 10:57:10

Microwave heat bags are good

maddening Tue 19-Feb-13 11:01:02

Ps just as you are nesh maybe your friends feel overheated easily so have their heating down

Agree re too hot houses too. Spent the weekend with lovely friends but their house was like a sauna and they had the heating on all night. I couldn't sleep and could hardly breathe, despite taking off as many clothes as decency allowed.

freddiefrog Tue 19-Feb-13 11:13:01

Sympathies here too, I'm always cold, even in the height of summer I'll be the one sitting on the beach in a jumper.

I have one friend who treats it like it's some failing on my part, like she's morally superior because 'I need more blood in my veins'

I wear lots of layers, including thermals,if I know I'm going to a friend's with colder houses. I've got a really thick fleece from one of those mountain climbing in sub zero temp shops.

It really, really pisses me off when the cold people come to my house and start fiddling with my heating - its set at 18, so hardly tropics in the first place, but they always come in and turn it down. I'm sure they'd have something to say if I walked into their house and turned it up!

freddiefrog Tue 19-Feb-13 11:15:11

Is asking for a blanket or microwaving heat packs really that more polite than just leaving your coat on?

maddening Tue 19-Feb-13 11:52:21

You can also get heat packs that heat when you open them so the op would not need to ask for anything if asking is the problem.

I just thought I would rather give a friend a blanket than have them sat in their coat - it seems more comfy.

It's easier to be a nesh bod than someone who overheats - nesh can add layers - if you overheat easily there's only so many layers you can remove before it is socially unacceptable smile

MTBMummy Tue 19-Feb-13 12:13:34

Frog I'm with you on this, when I was slimmer (pre DC) I was always cold, my MIL would often comment how rude it was that I would sit in my coat at their house, but it was freezing and I would have as many layers as you have on.

It's hard to find people who really understand what it's like to be constantly cold all the time (I used to wear thermal vasts in summer) I picked up some of those little microwave heat pads (the pocket sized wheat ones are what I used to use) - and pop them in the back of my shirt-jumper and they really helped, and generally people don't mind if you ask if you can pop something in the microwave for a minute.

My only other advice is to keep asking if you can have a cup of tea to warm yourself up :-)

deste Tue 19-Feb-13 12:32:42

I have a temperature gauge that let's you know how much o heat your house and 9 tells you that you are in danger of hypothermia

Bunbaker Tue 19-Feb-13 13:07:17

"do you turn it down in your houses if your guests are hot?"

I would if asked, but it has never been necessary. I have my thermostat set at about 17 degrees, and nearly all my friends have their houses at a similar temperature. No-one has sat in my house ripping off jumpers because they are too hot either.

I get irritated by the morally superior comments about feeling cold as well, although I don't seem to have the problem as badly as some of you. I hardly ever get any colds either even though I live in a warm (not hot) house.

Yfronts Tue 19-Feb-13 13:11:55

can't you just wear a couple of jumpers if you feel the cold that much.


i feel your pain. i end up just getting cold! sometimes i keep my coat on if i know the person well, like mil. she is a bit hmm but has accepted my spoilt-brat foibles. mostly anyway.

Bunbaker Tue 19-Feb-13 20:18:34

"can't you just wear a couple of jumpers if you feel the cold that much."

I suggest you read the thread

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