to be slightly miffed by this? (wedding related...)

(27 Posts)
VelvetSpoon Sat 16-Feb-13 14:35:21

I'll start by saying I'm not upset or annoyed, miffed probably is as strongly as I would put it....but happy to be told I am BU!

the background is as follows: bride to be and I worked together for 3 years, until the end of last year. There are another 3 girls who have worked with us for the last 1-2 years. We were all part of the same workgroup, together with 5 other people (3 male, 2 female). All of us now work in different places.

I considered the bride to be a friend - not a close friend, but a friend. I have socialised outside work with her on several occasions (as have the 3 girls, but not the other 5 people). I also - at her request - accompanied her to various consultation meetings at the end of last year when her role was at risk of redundancy (which I did simply because she'd asked, and not with any ulterior motive!)

She is getting married in the summer - I didn't entirely expect a wedding invite as I know she and her DP have large families and that their venue is expensive (so I thought it would be just family and close friends) so when I didn't hear anything I wasn't overly surprised. Until that is I found out all the 3 girls were invited to the wedding and the hen night.

Obviously it's up to her who she invites, etcetc, but I am a little miffed she didn't even invite me to the hen night (which is only drinks etc, so no limit on numbers!) She has always seemed to consider me good company, and in fact at work dos has made a point of being on my table, in my group and so on.

I do wonder whether age is a factor, Bride and the others are late 20s/early 30s, I am 40 (though of course look much younger!)

MrsKeithRichards Sat 16-Feb-13 14:40:51

That is a bit shit

Carolra Sat 16-Feb-13 14:41:36

I would be miffed too... It's never nice to feel you've been left out. I'm sure she'd be upset if she found out she'd hurt you at all... But I don't really have any advice for how to fix it, but I definitely don't think you are BU to be sad about it!

Megatron Sat 16-Feb-13 14:41:50

Agreed, tis v harsh.

Could your invitation have gone astray somehow?

DeepRedBetty Sat 16-Feb-13 14:44:12

I think I'd feel a bit miffed too.

VelvetSpoon Sat 16-Feb-13 14:56:49

Glad it's not just me who thinks it's a bit mean!

Wedding invite could possibly have got lost in the post - though tbh I think it's doubtful! Hen do was arranged by email so definitely not invited to that.

It's not a big deal, but just one of those occasions where you feel a bit meh. Plus I love any excuse for getting dressed up and going out smile

DontmindifIdo Sat 16-Feb-13 15:00:27

It does seem unusual to me that anyone would be invited on the hen do who wasn't close enough to be invited to the actual wedding. In my view, hen and stag dos are the closest of the wider group of people who'll be at the wedding itself IYSWIM.

It is odd you've been left out though.

HollyBerryBush Sat 16-Feb-13 15:02:03

You don't still work for the same company - could it be this is just a work do rather than a general hen night?

Are you invited to the actual wedding?

Trills Sat 16-Feb-13 15:04:44

YANBU to be a bit miffed. Miffed is reasonable.

StrawberryMojito Sat 16-Feb-13 15:05:28

Not much you can do about it other than rise above it and pretend you have no interest in the wedding. However, it would hurt my feelings a bit too.

KC225 Sat 16-Feb-13 15:08:11

I'd be miffed. Do the others think it's odd?

Journey Sat 16-Feb-13 15:09:50

You've a right to feel miffed. That's a mean thing to do. I'd feel miffed to if it happened to me.

Yama Sat 16-Feb-13 15:10:13

Not nice not to be invited.

Is there a chance that to her you represent a bad time in her life (when her role was at risk of redundancy), a time she wants to forget about? Not fair on you though.

If the other 3 hadn't been invited then you wouldn't be miffed. Try to un-miff yourself.

Sugarice Sat 16-Feb-13 15:21:58

I would be miffed too, miffed is a great word is it not?

TheElephantIsADaintyBird Sat 16-Feb-13 15:25:24

Yanbu, I'd be a bit hurt as well.

Adversecamber Sat 16-Feb-13 15:30:07

I think miffed is a spot on reaction, sounds like she liked taking the help from you at the meetings when you were not obliged to. Are you very helpful as a person? I am and people have taken advantage in the past.

VelvetSpoon Sat 16-Feb-13 16:16:35

I've spoken to 2 of the 3 that were invited and they were really surprised I wasn't included. It's not a work thing (none of us now work together) and whilst I guess it could be that I'm an unfortunate reminder of the redundancy stuff, you could kind of say the same about the others too!

I am a really helpful person...I think people possibly do take advantage. Not that I mind exactly, but I guess this is the sort of thing that happens!

cansu Sat 16-Feb-13 18:28:18

Probably is an age thing. I sometimes find this as I socialise with younger people at work but they seem to assume I won't be interested in certain events as I have kids and am older. I doubt it was done with the intention of hurting your feelings.

whiteflame Sat 16-Feb-13 18:31:25

Do the others still work with her?

YANBU, but maybe they are invited because they are still part of her ongoing life, iyswim.

whiteflame Sat 16-Feb-13 18:32:01

Ah sorry, missed your last post. That is a bit off then.

Roseformeplease Sat 16-Feb-13 18:33:26

Age thing - definitely. I get on really well with a recent influx of new staff at work. However, they think nothing of openly discussing their trips to the pub, social lives and visits to each other in front of me without issuing an invitation. I was really hurt at first as it felt very deliberate. However, I do think it is the thoughtlessness of youth. To a 20 year old I am impossibly ancient (44) and they just don't think.

I too would be hurt but would probably offer to take her out for lunch or something to remind her you are a friend and not an old person to be ignored.

What a bitch!

There's not much you can do about it though so I'm glad it's not bothering you overly much.

I'd be really hurt sad

mirry2 Sat 16-Feb-13 18:37:49

Yes I think it's an age thing as well. My own sister didn't invite me to her 21st birthday meal because she thought I would be too old to enjoy it. I'm 8 years older sad confused

It'll be the age -- she sees you as an older/wiser mentor rather than "one of the girls", I bet.

INeedThatForkOff Sat 16-Feb-13 18:42:32

Maybe you could ask if you've inadvertently upset her in some way ...

simplesusan Sat 16-Feb-13 18:45:29

YANBU.
No advice to offer just wanted to say how sad that she has left you out.

pigletmania Sat 16-Feb-13 18:53:23

YANBU at all, not sure what you can do about it though

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