to wish my dd would go out? I probably am!

(36 Posts)
Pricklypickup Sat 16-Feb-13 09:10:11

Today is my dh's birthday. Our youngest child is going out this morning and won't be back until tomorrow lunch time.

I asked my 16 dd during the week if she'd consider seeing if friends were around to go and visit this weekend as dh and I would like to have time just the two of us and she may get bored/lonely.

I just asked her what her plans are and she said she's going to stay at home this weekend, and complete her homework and tidy her bedroom.

Yes I'm lucky that she wants to be with her family.

But I'm also knarked that for dh and I to have any alone time we have to go out, which means spending money as too cold/wet for anything else, and it also means that it'll be three for dinner not two.

BTW I'm not showing dd my unhappiness as I don't want her to feel unwelcome in her own home, but boy I wish she'd go out occassionally for longer than a couple of hours.

antsypants Sat 16-Feb-13 09:12:28

Is this a joke?

Your DD obviously wants to spend some time with her family, at 16 years old? You should be snapping her hand off.

Grow up and include your daughter ffs.

Mogandme Sat 16-Feb-13 09:13:16

Will she not spend most if her time in her room. can't you tell her to make herself dinner as you two will be eating later?

orangeandlemons Sat 16-Feb-13 09:15:16

Our teenagers never went anywhere ever. There were 3 of them. We never ever had anytime alone.

They've all left now...your time will come

Pricklypickup Sat 16-Feb-13 09:23:18

I know I should be grateful - and 99% of the time I am. She's lovely. She comes home from school, spends the evenings with us, plays great with her younger sibling. Goes to clubs on a couple of evenings a week. Never moans about visiting elderly relatives.

But never leaves us alone. One day is all I ask - but yes it's true when she flies the nest she'll be gone and then I'll miss her lots.

LeftMeInSuspenders Sat 16-Feb-13 09:31:29

As a teen I was like your DD. My parents were worried it wasn't 'normal' for a teen to stay home so much and not be out with friends.

Then I turned 18 and you couldn't keep me away from pubs/clubs/mates and my Mum would nag that she missed me as she never saw me anymore!

Like a previous poster said- try to enjoy it as it may be gone tomorrow.

BlackholesAndRevelations Sat 16-Feb-13 10:11:35

Oh bless her. I hope my DD wants to spend time with her family when she's 16. I can understand your desire to be alone but as others have said, it will happen and then you'll miss her terribly

Feminine Sat 16-Feb-13 10:16:20

I can't imagine wanting any of my children out of the way confused

and I have a teen too! wink

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Feb-13 11:17:32

There's nothing wrong with the OP wanting to spend time alone with her husband. I think it's great that she and he have such a close bond that they love having time together.

Sorry, OP, you'll have to grit your teeth and put up with a threesome. Could you two go out to dinner? Book a hotel for the afternoon?

It's like being a teenager again, isn't it, having to sneak around to have time together?

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Sat 16-Feb-13 11:24:30

We have a lock on our bedroom door so if we want some time alone we make a picnic to eat in bed and watch a dvd, have a bottle of wine etc it's lovely smile

Tryharder Sat 16-Feb-13 11:24:42

Is your DH your DD's father? If not, are you feeling pressure from him to get her out of the way? You talk as if your DD is a lodger. Did you really ask her to get out of her own home so you and your DH could be alone?!

INeedThatForkOff Sat 16-Feb-13 11:55:51

What a shame for your daughter. You're behaving as if she's a visitor who's outstayed her welcome. No doubt she'll pick up on the cues and leave soon enough.

seeker Sat 16-Feb-13 11:59:40

At 16 I would say to her "dad and I are having a special birthday dinner tomorrow night- would you mind eating on your own early?" My dd would be more than fine with that- and would probably get bossy about what I was to wear and cook and so on!

Pricklypickup Sat 16-Feb-13 12:13:26

No he's dad - in fairness he's not bothered at all. As all at home anyway he's decided to get on with some work, she's not extracted herself from laptop, and I'm pretending to be cleaning whilst mning.

She's instructed us what dinner is smile Brussel sprouts feature not sure how impressed dh will be at that element, but the beef stew will be greatly appreciated.

I was just disappointed this morning, but now fine with it, and we'll no doubt play a board game all together this evening.

seeker Sat 16-Feb-13 12:25:57

There is absolutely no reason why you can't have a grown up dinner as well- you have rights too! She can watch a move in her room, can' she? Just don't chuck her out of the house

Dromedary Sat 16-Feb-13 12:32:15

YANBU. Can you occasionally arrange for both of your children to go on holiday or at least a sleepover with friends or relatives? You did spell out to your DD that you would like her to go out for a bit, and she said no. But I think teenagers tend to be focused on their own wants.

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes Sat 16-Feb-13 14:49:11

do what we did on valentines... bribed DS2 with a pizza and coke which he ate in his room and we had romantic candle lit dinner for two downstairs. He was more than happy.

Raise Sat 16-Feb-13 15:52:58

YABU: you are a family not just a couple. My parents acted like you when I was a teen, wanting me out the house or just acting like I wasn't there and my wishes didn't matter. All that mattered was their relationship. I felt excluded from my own family. Tbh this attitude disgusts me and you need to make sacrifices for your children, you are not newly weds. How can you be so selfish. Its her house too you can't just kick her out, where's she going to go?

zwischenzug Sat 16-Feb-13 16:00:13

She didn't ask to be born, you made that choice, so she's here now and it's your obligation to give her a home until she's an adult. You can't just turf her out as you don't want to share. You made your choice 16 years ago.

Almostfifty Sat 16-Feb-13 16:03:29

She's talking about one night Raise. One night.

I really think that spending time alone is important for your relationship as well as spending time together as a family.

Just prepare it better next time, tell her to get a pal over for a sleepover, disappear to a hotel and leave them to it.

mamalovesmojitos Sat 16-Feb-13 16:07:54

No need to be so harsh to the op, she just wants some time with her dh, one-to-one. It's not a crime! We all need a break from the children on occasion. it doesn't mean she doesn't love her dd.

zwischenzug Sat 16-Feb-13 16:12:52

Having some time alone is fine, expecting your kids to fuck off out of their home as part of it is not. How would most parents react to their kids saying "I need some time away from you, GTFO'? Not well I imagine.

thebody Sat 16-Feb-13 16:14:26

Ah she sounds sweet. Understand you op but make the most of her ax Dhs will soon fly the nest.

Didn't get the sprouts bit though, you should be picking your own food.

mynewpassion Sat 16-Feb-13 16:14:29

Spend the money and go out with your DH. Yes, its shitty outside but instead of complaining about your DD staying in, just spend a bit of the money and buy less brussel sprouts in the coming weeks.

MrsMillions Sat 16-Feb-13 16:15:56

My parents used to have what would now be called a "date night" every Saturday. Me and sis would eat alone earlier, whereas the rest of the week we all ate together. Parents would eat later with us either in bed when little or watching TV/out when older. They'd get out the posh china, have some wine, music etc, and eat things we didn't like. (I know this from the inevitable occasions I disturbed them...but they were always very good about it.) Being able to do this was actually a factor in them picking a house with separate dining room and lounge when we moved just as I started high school, knowing we'd be staying up later. I'm sure it's one of the reasons their marriage has stayed strong, and plan to do something similar myself (DC1 due in July).

seeker Sat 16-Feb-13 16:18:42

A 16 year old is perfectly capable of understanding that her parents would like to have dinner alone, for heaven's sake! Just discuss it with her- there is a middle ground between chucking her out to walk the streets and spending the evening as a threesome playing scrabble!

mrsbunnylove Sat 16-Feb-13 16:26:09

you gave birth to her and you don't want her around.

mrsjay Sat 16-Feb-13 16:32:50

My dds never really go anywhere well dd1 does now because she is much older so goes to work and her boyfriends and sometimes out but why cant you and your husband go out for A meal together it is nice for some time alone especialy when your younger ones are away but enjoy her while she is still there spend time with her without the little ones around and then go and have an early night

seeker Sat 16-Feb-13 16:32:51

Oh, don't be silly! I presume you have sex sometimes? Or do you wait til your children leave home?

mrsjay Sat 16-Feb-13 16:33:52

or yes get her a pizza or an early tea she can go to her room or something.

Goldmandra Sat 16-Feb-13 16:39:45

It is my DH's birthday tomorrow too. We have arranged to go out to eat in the evening specifically when DD1 (15) will be there and not out with the horses over lunchtime. DD2 (9) will be with us all day.

Both our children would like to celebrate their father's birthday with him.

If we would like some time alone we will arrange it for another time when DD1 is going out (very rare but it does happen) and we will arrange for DD2 to go to a friend's house.

It doesn't have to be tonight does it?

seeker Sat 16-Feb-13 16:46:17

Is there a difference between going out to dinner without 16 year old and having a late dinner a deux at home with her upstairs watching unsuitable movies?

Tasmania Sat 16-Feb-13 16:47:51

Ehm... if you and dh want to be on your own, go have a weekend away in a countryside hotel or something. Isn't that a much more natural and romantic thing to do than trying to get very well-behaved dd out of the house?!?

Pricklypickup Sat 16-Feb-13 17:23:06

Ok think some of the comments on here are a tad harsh.

Of course I love my dd, and I love her very much.

Not too sure how us going away for the weekend and leaving her all alone is better than suggesting she goes to a friend's for a (one) night.

When younger I would arrange for her to go to a friend's house for a night for example on anniversary night. I've not forced her to go out, if I was forcing her to go out I would have made the arrangements. I just asked if she'd like to.

This afternoon she asked whether I minded if she went out tomorrow afternoon, and I said of course not and she's going off to see friends. Coincidentally she wants dropping off at the same time as her sibling is returning home! Story of my life this grin but c'est la vie.

maudpringle Sat 16-Feb-13 19:10:39

I think a lot of comments were harsh,

you gave birth to her and you don't want her around.

She didn't ask to be born, you made that choice, so she's here now and it's your obligation to give her a home until she's an adult. You can't just turf her out as you don't want to share. You made your choice 16 years ago.

What a shame for your daughter. You're behaving as if she's a visitor who's outstayed her welcome. No doubt she'll pick up on the cues and leave soon enough.

over the top,unnecessary comments.

You enjoy yourself Pricklypickup smile

Dromedary Sat 16-Feb-13 19:45:45

It's perfectly understandable that parents would ideally like the odd few hours to themselves, a bit of space, without having to go out to a restaurant, which not everyone can afford anyway (let alone a weekend at a country house). Saying that the OP will probably get her hours in 2 years' time is not much help for the moment, is it?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now