To think that a 7 year old can be expected to

(106 Posts)
Verycold Thu 14-Feb-13 23:01:47

Be quiet during a show. And even if it is a show mainly for children, you still shouldnt chat all the way through it as if you were in front of your telly at home.

deleted203 Thu 14-Feb-13 23:05:15

YANBU. I hate it if people take badly behaved children out to places where others have paid to watch/listen to something. I don't expect to go to the cinema or theatre and listen to someone else's child talking all the way through it. If they can't be quiet leave the little buggers at home.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Thu 14-Feb-13 23:09:40

An NT 7 year old, yes. A 7 year old with SN - maybe/maybe not. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

bumperella Thu 14-Feb-13 23:11:06

Agree....assuming it really is chattering for a lot of the time, rather than Question A, Answer B, silence for the rest of the event. But loads of adults talk through films/theatre/etc....

deleted203 Thu 14-Feb-13 23:14:08

So am I the only one that would be inclined to say loudly in the cinema 'Would you please stop talking! The rest of us have paid to see this film!' grin.

cardibach Thu 14-Feb-13 23:17:05

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MrsKeithRichards Thu 14-Feb-13 23:23:04

You know, know I was pondering this the other day. I've been going to the cinema with ds (7) regularly since he was 3. He has always been perfectly behaved, nice and quiet.

We were at the cinema the other day to see Wreck it Ralph and I had to shush him quite a few times, it took me by surprise. It was things like 'what did that say' (he's struggling with his reading) and other questions.

I wondered if it was something to do with age, like he's that little bit older and getting much more into films, films understanding it on a deeper level rather than just enjoying it for the animation and obvious jokes, but still needing a hand.

He was whispering and it happened 4 or 5 times through the film. I don't think he was heard over the whining kids and sweetie wrappers.

VerySmallSqueak Thu 14-Feb-13 23:27:06

Talking/messing all the way through,not really on.

A couple of random comments/questions now and then, is fine by me.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Thu 14-Feb-13 23:33:07

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Catchingmockingbirds Thu 14-Feb-13 23:46:52

1 in 88 born are dx with having an ASD. That's one type of SN and it's quite a big percentage...

Yfronts Thu 14-Feb-13 23:50:08

An average 7 year old - yes

My 7 year old struggles. He's just not very good at sitting still. He gets fidgety, often asks questions etc. My 4 year old is actually much better. We haven't taken him to the cinema on a regular basis as it hasn't been his thing. But as he gets older it is, and he enjoys the theatre.

The thing is, at what point does that mean he has to miss out on experiences. So I'm not going to take him to Tosca or anything, but an age appropriate show should have a bit of give and take.

Otherwise, how is he ever going to learn how to behave if he is never given the chance.

Parents letting their children run riot is one thing, but trying to teach a child how to behave needs a bit of leeway.

He does not have special needs btw

Picturesinthefirelight Thu 14-Feb-13 23:59:38

My ds used to struggle so I didn't take him to shows except for panto until he was able to sit quietly.

But pictures, how do they learn to sit quietly?

It's a genuine question. At what point to do keep your children at home until they are fully fledged beings capable of sitting still and quiet for hours.

I have the same dilemma in restaurants.

Picturesinthefirelight Fri 15-Feb-13 00:08:06

Well we built it up. Dose left him home when we went to wicked. (He was 6)Took him to panto where some noise is expected to see how he went. School took him to a children's theatre shiows so we thought we'd try mamma Mia (upbeat, bit of dancing expected at the end) and we will rock you. Both tines warning him he had better be good.

Last year he was 8 and managed and enjoyed Matilda & les Mis.

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Fri 15-Feb-13 08:53:38

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hazeyjane Fri 15-Feb-13 08:57:50

dds1 and 2 (5 and 6) might ask a couple of questions through a film, but not very loudly, and as they have got older they have started to learn that it is better to whisper.

The thing about pointing out that children with sn may have trouble sitting quietly through a film or show, is not to say that everyone who is talking is doing so because they have sn, but to remind people to think about the fact that talking or fidgeting might be because someone has sn, andto just bear that in mind before judging harshly.

ANd in anycase, it is unfair on others if your child's particular SN mean they spoil the event for everyone else.

This^^ on the other hand is horseshit, children and adults with sn are part of society, they are us, and every so often the nt world has to bend and soften a bit to make itself accessible to those that might struggle within it.

mrsjay Fri 15-Feb-13 08:58:39

can I just say I hate this NT /sn references sometimes all 7 yr olds chat it was a childrens thing and children are chatty and curious are they supposed to sit still and not enjoy the film or whatever, it wasn't exactly the library was it, yabu

usualsuspect Fri 15-Feb-13 09:02:48

I would think a 7 year old would find it difficult to sit in complete silence for a couple of hours, yes.

I would expect a child to talk at a childrens show so YABU.

hazeyjane Fri 15-Feb-13 09:04:48

Tbh when we go to the cinema or theatre, I don't really notice people chatting.

<crunching popcorn too loudly>

usualsuspect Fri 15-Feb-13 09:06:08

The sound is always so loud, it drowns out other people chatting.

theodorakisses Fri 15-Feb-13 09:16:54

Some do some don't. I would rather the chatter than think of them being left home or being bribed to keep quiet and act normal. I have a friend with a son who is 6 and twirls his hands and shrieks occasionally. She makes him sit on his hands and gives him warnings if he gets excited and shrieks. It makes me sad, he is already looking burdened.

auntevil Fri 15-Feb-13 09:29:18

Assuming that this show was for the general public - of which all people from the continuum of quiet to noisy YABU.
If however, this was a showing for ignorant, bigoted intolerants (not necessarily the OP, but judging from some anti-disabalist posts on MN there are a few) then YANBU

BumpingFuglies Fri 15-Feb-13 09:39:41

I don't think an average 7 year old could be expected to keep quiet, no.

Bluebird I think you are unduly harsh in your conclusion about MN attitudes to SN. I think Cardi is in the minority with that ill-judged remark.

Catchingmockingbirds Fri 15-Feb-13 09:43:27

I disagree bumping, I think that sadly bluebirds comment was quite accurate from what I've seen of mn over the past few years I've been here.

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Fri 15-Feb-13 09:49:50

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roundtable Fri 15-Feb-13 09:56:16

I think yabu. Seven years old is only the top end of the infants. They're still very little. Especially if the child was chatting excitedly about what he was watching.

Bit different if he was shouting and swearing and throwing things around, which I doubt.

I would expect most 7 yr olds to be able to manage being quiet for some of it at least. But yabu to expect to go to
A kids show and it be quiet! I really would like to know the secret to all these perfectly behaved children cos I've missed a trick clearly

And as for SN children well that could have been any one of us or any one of our children and that two hours you have to put up with- well the mum has it 24/7 and shouldn't have to keep her child locked up every day just in case they offend some one.

There will always be kids who will behave there will always be kids who's parents allow them to disrupt a show and there's not one thing anyone can do except do their best to bring up their own children and be grateful that that day was someone else's bad day and next time it could be your turn! oh and buy the DVD

And as for cinemas adults r just as inconsiderate if not more so and if you don't want kids chatting go to a later show when they won't be there.

frillynat81 Fri 15-Feb-13 10:13:16

I find going to see a 15 rating horror with teenagers behind me far more irritating that going to see a kids movie with 2 or 3 young kids. I'm going to see Wreck It Ralph with my wee boy today and he's so excited he's almost weeing himself so its inevitable he will be fidgety and chatty but probably no more so than any other kid there and not to the stage where I will be on his case to be quiet non stop.

TBH, I get FAR more pissed off at parents who buy their spoilt brats big flashing toys during children's performances, that distract from the show, and send my 6yr old child with ASD into sensory overload causing him to jump up and down and flap, when he can usually cope with a 3 hour classical concert at the Royal Albert Hall.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Fri 15-Feb-13 10:17:50

I agree with bluebirds & catching, sadly.

YouTheCat Fri 15-Feb-13 10:28:02

I agree with Frilly. Teens are way more annoying.

I'd expect a 7 year old to know to whisper occasionally. I'd also expect people with SN children to know their children well enough to know whether they can cope with being in a large cinema. I've never taken my ds who has ASD to the cinema as it would have been a total overload for him and I would have had to take him out before the adverts ended. I did take him to a live Thomas the Tank show once when he was about 9. He coped really well for about half of the show and then indicated that he wanted to leave and so we did. To stay longer would have meant a full on meltdown.

I think if you're going to a children's film then there is going to be a certain amount of shuffling and talking and it is par for the course, whether children have SN or not.

ouryve Fri 15-Feb-13 10:29:13

I would expect most 7 year olds to struggle for a whole 90 minutes.

Heck, I haven't been to the cinema for years, but when I did go, pre-kids, it's was films with a mostly adult audience and the sound of rustling, shuffling, clattering and whispering was pretty distracting then. If so many adults can't sit in silence, it's not unexpected that some 7 year olds, whether with SN or not, would struggle.

BumpingFuglies Fri 15-Feb-13 10:32:23

Bluebird - Bumping - I think that fact that you consider me 'unduly harsh' for challenging disablist comments

No, I said your conclusions about MN attitudes to SN are unduly harsh. That's my experience of the forum. I have seen a lot of support and not just in the SN section.

Cardi's comment was ill-judged in my opinion. It has inflamed things.

cardibach Fri 15-Feb-13 10:34:07

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cardibach Fri 15-Feb-13 10:35:42

ANd Bluebird I have just seen your comment. I am NOT disablist and nothing I said could be construed as such! I am reporting your comment.

QuanticoVirginia Fri 15-Feb-13 10:35:42

I would think a 7 year old would find it difficult to sit in complete silence for a couple of hours, yes

I don't think an average 7 year old could be expected to keep quiet, no

shock shock shock

Really???? Then my children and most or their friends must really be exceptional then??? They would never dream of chatting through a film because that's what they've been taught. The odd pertinant question yes but if they're chatting then they're obviously not interested in the film and should be taken out as it's not fair on the others around them.

silverfrog Fri 15-Feb-13 10:39:55

oh god, starlight - th flashy things at children's shows now. when did it become the norm to have those shoved in your face each way you turn?

I really don't understand why anyone would think it a good idea to let their child have something that is going to distract a good few people around them, for the duration of the show - surely you've gone there to watch a show, not play with toys?!

hazeyjane Fri 15-Feb-13 10:39:58

I did read your post properly,

it is unfair on others if your child's particular SN mean they spoil the event for everyone else.

so what should someone do, if they have a child who has sn, who fidgets and makes noise, that might disturb someone else?

cardibach Fri 15-Feb-13 10:41:54

I have looke din detail at comments about me based on my suggestion that
a) we shouldn't assume any child behaving inappropriately has SN; and
b) parents should make an effort to ensure their children do not spoil expensive treats for others.
I have no idea why people consider this 'disablist' or even 'ill judged'. It is merely about respect. Which I do give to everyone I meet, despite your comments about me.
I aslo agree with Quantic. I would expect a NT 7 year old not to cht ale the way through a film, and I would expect this because most of the 7 year olds I have ever met could do so.

DameMargotFountain Fri 15-Feb-13 10:42:28

YABU, i would expect children to act like children during a child's show, not matter what their specific need was

anyone seen the OP recently?

mrsjay Fri 15-Feb-13 10:43:36

I had 3 old dears singing at Les mis should i have told them to behave there was also sniffing then applauding,

cardibach Fri 15-Feb-13 10:43:39

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hazeyjane Fri 15-Feb-13 10:44:40

so, I'm sorry, but what would be your suggestion, for what a parent should do, if their child is being 'disrupting'?

CoteDAzur Fri 15-Feb-13 10:45:48

7-year-old children can be expected to stay quiet during a show. It depends on how you have raised them to behave in such circumstances, assuming they have been going to shows from a much earlier age.

I took DD to the opera last weekend. She was very quiet during the whole three hours of it, whispering a few times to ask for water and towards the end, ask if it was going to finish soon. I'm not boasting - this is perfectly normal for children who are used to participating in such events and know what is expected of them.

BumpingFuglies Fri 15-Feb-13 10:46:32

Ill-judged Cardi because you are suggesting people simply do not take their SN children to such things BECAUSE of their SN.

auntevil Fri 15-Feb-13 10:46:54

it is unfair on others if your child's particular SN mean they spoil the event for everyone else.

That is what upset me.
A general performance is for all in society.

hazeyjane Fri 15-Feb-13 10:47:48

Oh sorry, crossposted.

What would I do?

I would do what I do do, and what I teach my children to do, which is to accept that some people may make noise or need to move when they are in an unusual situation (be that a cinema, theatre, cafe....any public space), that everyone is different, and that we as a society need to learn to accept difference.

scrappydappydoo Fri 15-Feb-13 10:49:03

I think its all to do with how the parents are handling it. I'm far more tolerant if the parents are making any attempt to manage the situation whether its just telling the child to whisper or be quiet or taking them out. What winds me up is when children are being disruptive and their behaviour is being ignored by the parent but tbh I rarely see that happening.
To answer the op - I expect both my 5yr old and my 7yr old to sit quietly through a film or show and not disrupt others around them and they do.

Bluebirdonmyshoulder Fri 15-Feb-13 10:49:10

It's an incredible coincidence but in my short time on MN I've noticed that anyone who makes a disablist comment and then gets challenged on it, often comes back and says they have professional links to the SN world.

Go ahead and report me and if MNHQ delete my post and leave yours then I think my point will have been proved.

hazeyjane Fri 15-Feb-13 10:49:18

...oh and that everyone has a right to take part in activities that are part of everyday life, whoever they are.

BumpingFuglies Fri 15-Feb-13 10:49:49

what antevil said

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 15-Feb-13 10:50:49

It's Friday. Be calm.

OMG I just read my post. I sound like such a snob! grin

It's true though.....

The post, - not the snob bit.

TheFallenMadonna Fri 15-Feb-13 10:52:17

Wasn't there talk of a MN campaign to address issues like those raised by cardibach's comment?

auntevil Fri 15-Feb-13 10:52:49

I think we are being calm.
What we are is frustrated that there are comments allowed that are clearly stating that our children should not be allowed to be part of general society.
If that comment had been said to me in person, I would not have remained so calm!

YouTheCat Fri 15-Feb-13 10:53:27

Parents need to take some responsibility, SN or not, that if their child is being really disruptive, then they should take them out.

But people do need to be more tolerant. A few tics and noises isn't so major in the grand scheme of things.

cardibach Fri 15-Feb-13 10:56:22

SO I'ma liar too, Bluebird. Nice.
*Julie8, I think I am being very calm for someione accused of being a disablist liar.
I didn't say people shouldn't take their children if they have SN. I implied people shouldn't take their children if they can't behave in a way which is appropriate for the event. Whether they are NT or have SN. My contacts with those with SN are through teaching. As part of that I direct school shows. We invite all the local promaries, including a Special Unit, to our Matinee. Nobody has ever chatted through the performance, and that is with a far lower adult to child ratio than you would find in a regular cinema or theatre. My point, for the hard of understanding, was that it is perfectly reasonable to expect people - all people, regardless of age or other circumstnaces, to behave in a way which is appropriate to a cinema/theatre. Yes, hazey, everyone has a right to take part in activites, but also eveyone has the right to the enjoyment of them free from disturbance.
It is a conundrum. I am offering no solutions, or suggesting any blanket rules.

valiumredhead Fri 15-Feb-13 10:57:46

Depends on the child, depends on the show and depends how boring it is.

WarmAndFuzzy Fri 15-Feb-13 10:58:23

Apart from the fact that I don't believe that kids going to kids shows are ever going to be 100% quiet and well behaved, why is it that it's assumed that all badly behaved kids are SN? I've got two DSs, both ASD and they're both very well behaved (in cinemas and theatres anyway). DS2 had selective mutism as part of his original diagnosis so not really the talking in public type. It's a wide and varied spectrum, and people can't make those assumptions.

In any case, SN or not, kids mostly find it difficult to contain their excitement and not talk sometimes. If you get annoyed by that, as suggested before, there are plenty of showings at a later time or of grown up films that you can watch and only be annoyed by the adults talking through films.

CoteDAzur Fri 15-Feb-13 10:58:53

If anyone needs reminding, OP is about children chatting all the way through the show, not SN children making a few noises.

DameMargotFountain Fri 15-Feb-13 11:00:58

thank you Cote

and the OP states it was show mainly for children...

OP come back, which show was it?

JulieMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 15-Feb-13 11:03:07

We're just sending you an email, cardi. smile

theodorakisses Fri 15-Feb-13 11:12:15

I have felt strongly about this since a few years ago when a little boy was chattering at the cinema and someone turned around and told him to shut up. His little face crumpled and it was awful. SN or not, go to kids film and expect kids. I know there is bad behaviour (and loud parenting!) but i never want to see a happy face crumple like that again.

isthatallyouvegot Fri 15-Feb-13 11:18:35

In all honesty I actually get more annoyed at the adults/teenagers who sit there constantly bleeping on their mobiles while telling everyone on facebook all about what they are watching, what they have just eaten, how many times they have been to the toilet....drives me insane because they are at an age that they should (possibly) know better. As for a child (with SN or not) who is very excited because it may be there first time there, just learning how they should behave in various situations, BEING a child??? hmm, I would expect it and it wouldn't bother me one bit....but then I am a very patient, understanding, open minded person....and I am guessing you are not otherwise these miniscule (not even worth moaning about) things wouldn't be an issue would they?

hazeyjane Fri 15-Feb-13 11:19:45

Ok cardi, well I am making a suggestion, which is that we as people in society need, sometimes to accept that others in society might sometimes act in a way that might disturb us or in a way that isn't 'normal', but that it is easier for us to change our attitude,than it is for that person to change their actions.

Cote, I don't think anyone was under the impression that the op was about anyone with sn, but as someone pointed out, some 7 year olds with sn,might struggle to be quiet. It was the subsequent comment that even children with sn shouldn't be allowed to spoil other's enjoyment, that has provoked all the comments. My attitude, is that it wouldn't spoil their enjoyment if they were a bit more accepting.

theodorakisses Fri 15-Feb-13 11:20:21

I think soft play should be conducted in silence as well, what a dreadful racket

Catsdontcare Fri 15-Feb-13 11:24:17

I'm fairly intolerant of other people's noise in all sorts of situations. Generally I know I am over sensitive to background noise. I don't like others talking at the cinema I can't block it out, others can. My solution is I don't go. I'm fine with this, maybe those who can't control their lack of tolerance should stay home too.

Oh and to say all people should be able to behave appropriately regardless of their circumstance is frankly dumb given that sometimes having SN means not always being able to be in full control of your behaviour.

CoteDAzur Fri 15-Feb-13 11:28:38

Theodora - I doubt that you can blame the stranger who told that kid to be quiet. The adult accompanying him should have said it earlier, possibly in a nicer way, and his face wouldn't have crumpled.

It is not reasonable to expect people to suffer unacceptable behaviour just so a child's feelings won't be hurt.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 15-Feb-13 11:38:16

Morning. Just to clarify, we have no problem with anyone expressing annoyance at being disturbed during a show and no problem with folks countering that children might be expected not to be silent during a children's show.

We do however have a problem with anyone saying "it is unfair on others if your child's particular SN mean they spoil the event for everyone else".

We would regard this as disablist (although we do understand that the poster concerned may not have intended it to be) because SN children clearly have as much right as NT children to attend children's performances.

YouTheCat Fri 15-Feb-13 11:39:53

Glad that's clear then grin

silverfrog Fri 15-Feb-13 11:49:45

( ahem, children with SN not SN children )

thanks, Helen.

Juliemumsnet, it might be Friday but for the majority it is last day of school Friday, which generally ain't calm!!!

EmpressMaud Fri 15-Feb-13 12:13:30

Yes, quite right. But it also depends, as somebody has said, on how the parents are handling the situation.
Though if it's at something like a matinee geared towards children, you can usually expect a little talking and so on, so I would expect it almost and be fairly tolerant.

bochead Fri 15-Feb-13 12:22:58

If it's a kids film and the seats are full then it's inevitable that at least one child is going to have one of "those" moments that makes people cringe. It's just life tbh. If you can't handle the inevitable ocassional lapses from grace, avoid environments where large numbers of kids are likely to be present. Simples grin.

Recently I was horrified at the behavior of a friends 6 year old in a coffee shop. She has no disabilities but is only 6 and was just having a bad day as kids do. She's a child, not a machine and it happens. Normally the child in question is an absolute joy and pleasure to be around.

My own son threw his first ever "terrible two" tantrum on the day he went to visit his new reception at 4.5 years. I was absolutely mortified and had no clue how to react, as I'd never had to deal with him "playing up" like that before and was frozen on the spot with shame. I now know his "perfect Peter" toddler behavior was only due to the developmental delays associated with ASD (not diagnosed till 8!). I still think back to that episode and cringe with shame.

I've noticed children tend to behave badly when they are either about to go down with a nasty bug, or during the recovery period. Or when they are overtired or under stress for some reason, (perhaps there has been a family bereavement, or bullying incidents at school etc). Oddly these sorts of occasions are when parents are most likely to treat the child in question to a trip to the cinema in order to lift the child's spirits. Call me soft hearted but in my eyes that's good parenting.

The worst bullies at the schools my son has attended have all had one thing in common - Mum's who were totally fixed in the belief that their precious angel was inacapable of ever being naughty, and that someone else's child must always be to blame. No child is ever 100% perfect all the time. I always feel so sorry for the teachers of kids like this, as they are impossible to discipline.

What does get me hoiking my judgey pants is the number of grown adults in the UK today, who think it's perfectly acceptable to swear like a trooper in the supermarket queue, knowing there are children around. These same people then act horrified when the toddler behind mimics their cuss word in all innocence! Or who put their nicely polished office shoes on the seats of trains and buses etc. Oh and don't get me started on pornagraphic PDA's at the cinema or on the local swings.

Given the numbers of "naice" middle-class adults who seem to have no sense of common decency or consideration towards others in public spaces , is it really any wonder our kids sometimes demonstrate less than angelic behavior?

Tbh I take my Ds (ASD) to the performances most likely to be silent as he (like another poster on here) can't cope with the distractions that other people can be sometimes.

In many ways those 'distracting people' cause us more disruption than they would the average person. So I plan carefully to maximise our enjoyment and understand how annoying it can be when faced with disruptive behaviour.

BUT I do expect my Ds to be included when careful planning isn't as easy, and I don't expect him to be prevented from accessing things and experiences which allow him to and give him practise for being a participant in his own society.

somedaysomewhere Fri 15-Feb-13 12:34:41

I think the SN comments have thrown this conversation off course a little.

I try to teach my son that all children (SN or not) find certain things more difficult than others. A SN child might find many more things more difficult than an NT child but the principle still holds.

DS1 finds sitting still very difficult and has done since a baby. DS2 is much more sedentary.

What infuriates me is the parents who have 'quiet children who know how to behave in any situation' who pride themselves on their excellent parenting and all round greatness. Actually, you might just have children who have quieter personalities than others. They may have always been going to turn out like this.

Children mature at different rates at it is terribly sad that they might be excluded because they are judged by other parents.

I find nothing more depressing than a three year old who can sit beautifully in an adult environment for hours on end. sad.

lljkk Fri 15-Feb-13 12:44:04

I try hard to never take mine anywhere. We manage okay when we do go to a venue like cafe/cinema, but it's such a dreary uptight exhausting experience for me. Threads like this just convince me to continue in trying to never take them anywhere.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 15-Feb-13 12:48:14

silverfrog

( ahem, children with SN not SN children )

thanks, Helen.

Apols, silverfrog - was typing too fast.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 15-Feb-13 12:49:16

I would expect my 7yo DS to be able to keep quiet even if he did need the odd reminder. So YANBU

silverfrog Fri 15-Feb-13 12:55:14

Helen thanks

I know you know, iyswim smile (does just show how easily it is done, and I have been guilty of the same more than once - eg I often type 'dd1 is ASD' which sets some people's teeth on edge)

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Fri 15-Feb-13 13:01:56

HelenMumsnet, thanks for your quick response, that was exactly what was needed.

somedaysomewhere Fri 15-Feb-13 13:02:22

Oh gosh, I did it too.

Sorry

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Fri 15-Feb-13 13:19:43

Thanks Helen smile A little clarity from MN helps to point out the sodding obvious

Strongecoffeeismydrug Fri 15-Feb-13 15:30:01

I would take my son with ASD to the cinema and if he made a little noise then so be it. I would keep him as quiet as possible but hey ho he would make a little noise.... He has to learn just like everyone else and if I kept him at home he wouldn't be learning the rules of cinemas ect.
If it was a kids film he wouldn't be the only one being noisy anyway .

Verycold Fri 15-Feb-13 21:58:10

Sorry to disappear, busy day!! It was Shrek the Musical, evening performance. £55 a ticket if that makes a difference. Like somebody else said, what really annoyed me was not so much the child talking but the mother happily talking back as if they were on their own. I would think short answers would be enough and some reminders to be quiet. With regards to sn, my youngest who is 6 has sn. Incidentally he was quiet as a mouse wink

Picturesinthefirelight Fri 15-Feb-13 22:08:18

If I was going to see Shrek paying West End prices I'd expect children to be able to stay quiet. It's not an interactive show in the same way as panto or p

Verycold Fri 15-Feb-13 22:41:43

P? grin

somedaysomewhere Sat 16-Feb-13 09:05:56

I must admit, this is why I haven't taken my 7 year old to the West End.

If I'm going to pay that much for a ticket I'd want them transfixed for the entire time. Maybe when he's 27 grin

theodorakisses Sat 16-Feb-13 09:14:28

That's the point, it is usually that "look how I interact with my genius" parent rather than indifferent parent or naughty child. However, I still believe that a child with autism or SN or whatever shouldn't be left at home. As said above, short answers and a talk about what is expected before you go in. I would still rather have chatterer than think of someone leaving one child at home because they may be chatty, excited or freaked out.

theodorakisses Sat 16-Feb-13 09:15:30

I say let the kids go and leave the parents outside, generally it would be much quieter!

Dothraki Sat 16-Feb-13 09:21:52

I haven't seen 7 yo's misbehaving - asking questions is not misbehaving. Teenagers on the other hand................

ipadquietly Sat 16-Feb-13 11:13:35

Why pay for your dc to watch a film if they're going to talk through it? They'll miss the story!

When we go to the cinema, my 6 and 8 year olds are so engrossed in what's happening on the screen, they don't have time to talk to each other.

Maybe you people who think it's ok to talk through films are just going to see crap movies.

JeffFaFa Sat 16-Feb-13 11:18:25

I havnt been able to take ds1 who is almost 7 to the cinema ever, he is a sensory seeker and unable to sit still, he also asks incessant questions and if trying his very hardest not too speak will make vocal noises such as grunts and sounds, he literally cannot sit quietly for more than a few minutes. He would LOVE to go to the cinema and asks me frequently sadly i cant take him because of the attitudes of others sad

theodorakisses Sat 16-Feb-13 11:44:18

Jeff, take him if you think he would like it, he has as much right as any other person. You can always try and find a film that has been out a while or go at an odd time when it will be quiet but I just don't think you have to. Just don't loud parent! wink

theodorakisses Sat 16-Feb-13 11:47:03

Can I just ask something? is it the other children in the cinema/theatre who find this disruptive or just the parents who get annoyed? If your children are not distracted or upset, why would the parent? I don't choose to watch kids movies and doze through them anyway.

Callycat Sat 16-Feb-13 13:53:04

Slightly off-topic, but if sometimes feels like a few posters here regard SN and "badly-behaved" as synonymous - hence the inevitable "He/she might have special needs". Isn't that kind of insulting to SN kids? "Special needs" covers a wide range of personality types, and many of these kids are quieter than NTs in my experience.

hazeyjane Sat 16-Feb-13 15:30:57

Callycat, I think it is more a case of some children with sn (as opposed to 'sn kids') being perceived as badly behaved, because, for example they might not understand about being quiet in a show, or may have tics, or need to flap etc. Some people may look at this behaviour and think the children are being naughty or the parents are being a bit crap. I think it is this that people are pointing out, rather than saying 'naughty = sn'.

kerala Sat 16-Feb-13 15:36:56

DH and I saw Les Mis at the local Arts cinema (so middle class type demographic). The rustling and munching from ADULTS was incredible and always at the most heart wrenching emotional bits - Fantine dying for example rustle rustle munch munch, all the friends massacred crackle rustle gulp drove us mad!

Would expect a 7 year old to be sit and watch a film yes whispered questions fine but if they really mucking about you may as well leave they are not getting anything out of it just annoying others.

jeff a lot of cinemas do ASD friendly/SN showings now if you feel more comfortable doing that?

kinkyfuckery Sat 16-Feb-13 17:35:51

So the problem wasn't with the kid chatting, it was the mother? Have you considered maybe the mother has SN?

Callycat Sat 16-Feb-13 18:00:01

Ah, thanks hazeyjane. I get it now!

(and I won't make the "SN kids" mistake again blush)

Roseformeplease Sat 16-Feb-13 18:15:17

My worst cinema noise moment involved some perfectly ordinary looking adult women who proceeded to sing all the way through at the top of their voices (Mamma Mia), off key and without really knowing the words. It was a karaoke style nightmare.

I expect children to do their best when they are out and about and for their parents to support them.

Catchingmockingbirds Sat 16-Feb-13 19:13:56

I think these threads also get a bit heated cally because if someone mentions the possibility of SN due to sensory seeking/hyperactivity/skewed sense of social norms etc (possibly as they've experienced this with their own child), they're made to feel bad by some posters for mentioning it in the first plae iyswim? And this obviously upsets others and causes arguments such as those seen up thread.

Callycat Sat 16-Feb-13 19:26:56

Thanks, Catching - it is clearly a very sensitive area. I am still learning smile

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