to not understand the rules of double barrell names. Explanation needed!

(96 Posts)
heliumballoon1 Thu 14-Feb-13 10:56:47

Dh and I have decided to give our new baby both our surnames. I kept my surname when we married and want our DC to have my name too.

However, I'm not entirely sure how it works. Sometimes double barrell names are hyphenated and sometimes not. Why is this? And which one should we go for? Does a hyphen mean that the two names are one complete name and are always used together?

We may just decide to use just one name on a daily basis - does that mean it would be better not to use hyphen?

Advice needed please!

Unfortunatlyanxious Thu 14-Feb-13 10:58:15

I kept my name when I married and DC have my family name as a middle name.

KirstyoffEastenders Thu 14-Feb-13 10:58:53

I want to do the same thing, haven't quite convinced BF yet though. I thought they had to be hyphenated, tbh.

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 11:00:45

the rules are whatever you choose.

it's that simple.

you can be dhname-yourname
yourname-dhname
yourname dhname
dhname your name
dhnameyourname
yournamedhnme
partofeachofyournameinanewword

or anythingelse that you choose.

Yep it should be hyphenated.
Sometimes it is not because some systems don't accept a hyphen.
BA systems can't do hyphens. My bank never used to be able to but they can now.
Congrats on the new baby!

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 11:01:46

my dd is 3lettersfrondhname3lettersfrommynameasanewword

the birth certificate specifically asks for surname of child, so that's where you decide.

LesserOfTwoWeevils Thu 14-Feb-13 11:02:44

what nickelbabe said

milbracat Thu 14-Feb-13 11:03:05

I think a hyphen would be preferable as it would stop people thinking that the first surname is actually a middle name.

Me and DD have both surnames. When I married DH I just added his on (IYSWIM). I don't use a hyphen.

What nickel says is pretty good advice though ! smile

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 11:04:10

i would say if a hyphen isn't recognised in computer systems that when you need that, to use it as if it's one word. even if it's not normally. i don't think it matters as long as it's recognisable as a full surname

SamSmalaidh Thu 14-Feb-13 11:04:52

There are no rules, you can name your baby however you like. DS has DH's surname as a middle name and mine as a surname.

AllBellyandBoobs Thu 14-Feb-13 11:11:49

Me and dd are double barrellled, we're my name dh name with no hyphen. I tend to just use my surname on a day to day to basis and dd can choose what she wants to be known as when she's older, seems easier to do if there is no hyphen!

wigornian Thu 14-Feb-13 13:38:10

As has been said, no rules, though there are conventions - though they may have fallen by the wayside. Historically whether or not there was a hyphen was significant. Families that wanted to reference a surname for sentimental or historical reasons only, no hyphen: "Thomas Grosvenor Smith".

Hyphens were linked to the combination of landed estates. Hence if an heir married an heiress and her lands came through her to augment those of her husband, her surname, historically linked to the estates, would be added to that of her husband to be used by them and their children thereafter signifying the joining of the estates and families "Grosvenor-Cholmondeley". This is also linked to Heraldry, the children or an heraldic heiress + their father combined their respective coat of arms.

W

Pixieonthemoor Thu 14-Feb-13 13:44:01

I have a double barrelled surname and would recommend the use of a hyphen to make it clear that those last two bits go together and are the surname. Otherwise you suffer from things being registered under the last bit of the name and secretaries, flight admin, anything you care to mention will not be able to find you on their computers. I have lost count of the times I have lost my temper and asked if they register Mr Tailor under L for 'lor' or Mr Fisher under s for 'sher' which is basically the same thing. Aaaarrgh!

countrykitten Thu 14-Feb-13 13:47:09

Yes to the hyphen.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Thu 14-Feb-13 13:47:28

Ex and I did this. It goes TwattyEx'sName- Mylovelyname grin

My name went last, as we only have girls in my family, so I wanted to continue my family name. I have a DD though so its probably gonna go soon sad

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 13:49:24

why say that?
your DDs choose whether to keep their own name or change it.
so it's up to you to educate them into how important it is to see their name as their name.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE Thu 14-Feb-13 13:52:25

Very few people keep their name though, so it's highly likely she will get rid of it. Especially since if she has children, doing a double barrelled surname with an already double barrelled surname is bordering on ridiculous.

I hope she does choose to keep the name, it means a lot to me, but I can't force her to do it.

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 14:00:31

no, you're right, you can't force her, but you can make sure she understands names and history and women's rights etc etc.

I worked with a couple who double barrelled so that they took each other's names. I love that.

Jelly15 Thu 14-Feb-13 15:00:25

My MIL double barrelled her and FIL's names but when DH and I married I was happy to take his name but not his MIL's, so he dropped his mum's and we are both just his FIL's surname, as are our kids.

DH said it was a PITA when he was at school to have a double barrelled surname.

We went for tradition but each to thier own, however, can you imagine if every couple added the womans name for each generation it will get very silly with several surnames.

wigornian Thu 14-Feb-13 15:07:50

PS to illustrate the point: Richard Draz MP is in fact: Richard Grosvenor Plunkett-Ernle-Erle-Drax, with a mix of hyphen and no hyphen!

mummymeister Thu 14-Feb-13 15:08:20

i don't get it - sorry. what happens when your little one (first second-third) has a baby with another first second - third. does their child then become name first-first-second-second? what is this trend all about. do people somehow feel better that their child is the only one in the class with a double barrelled name? its a modern trend and hopefully it will pass. makes me sound old and perhaps i am.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine Thu 14-Feb-13 15:11:00

I think there are rules. As far as I can remember you can only double barrel, not triple or quad or quint...

So if you want to give them more than two family names that is where the middle names come in - no restrictions there

SamSmalaidh Thu 14-Feb-13 15:20:17

I don't think there are any laws forbidding triple+ barrelled names - Sir Ranulph Fiennes is actually Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes.

phlebas Thu 14-Feb-13 15:24:18

we have myname-hisname, but know people who have pretty much all combinations ... hisname hername, his/hername combination, half the children with hername half with hisname, whole family gets new name, female children have herfirstname boys have hisfirstname, some where the children have hername & even a few where they all have hisname wink etc.

My kids aren't the only one with double-barrelled names by any means though that might be just the area where we live! What will they do when/if they have children ... pick any one of the many options above I assume!

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 15:25:25

the deed poll office says this:

"7. Limits on the number of characters in a name
There is a limit of 250 characters, including spaces, for forenames (i.e. first name and middle names) and 30 characters, including spaces, for a surname. If you would like a name that exceeds these limits, please email us and we will advise you if we are able to accommodate your desired name and advise you of any additional fee that may be payable (due to the additional work involved preparing your Deed Poll documentation).

Please note, the passport office will only print 30 characters (including spaces) for forenames and 30 characters for a surname on a passport, while the DVLA will only print on a driving licence a total of 30 characters for forenames and the surname. Other record holders will also have similar limitations on what can be entered on their computer systems. Therefore, if you decide to have a long name, in usage, you will only be able to use part of it."

but it seems that it's only because of official document space that it matters.
There's no reason in the UK why you coudln't have any size name if you choose, you just have to accept that most of the time, you won't be able to use some of it.

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 15:27:14

deed poll office
see, no restrictions on number of barrels.

so, if your quadruple barrel name was under 30 characters, the whole thing can be on your passport.

so I could be Don-Hoo-Wye-Hythe-Smith if I wanted to be.

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 15:28:38

mummy - the point is that it's up to the person who owns the name and the parent of the child who is to be named.
They can choose any surname they like

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 15:32:06

according to google, you're not allowed triple barrel names in Germany.

mummymeister Thu 14-Feb-13 16:26:08

yes nickel i understand the point of it (old not stupid!) i just think its all a bit middle class aspirational and pointless. can understand if you have a surname you hate or which has unhappy memories for you and you want to change it. can also understand people keeping their maiden name when they marry or partners having the same surname but this idea of barrelling is realitively new and personally i think its a bit wanky. but hey its just my opinion and people are free to do what they want (under 30 characters of course)

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 16:30:08

grin

yes, i know what you mean - I was just saying it doesn't matter what their barrelling is, they can choose what barrelling (or not) carries on to the next generation.

I can see now that you might have been piss-taking blush

mummymeister Thu 14-Feb-13 16:39:19

no i wasnt piss taking nickel. just have a real thing about this barrelling some of which is awful like amelia smith-whiff or davina bones-jones. or grub-grout anyway you get the idea! it just makes me make a judgement about the parents based on this one thing. just wish people wouldnt do it. feel almost the same about first names.

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 16:43:41

hmm, i see.

i can see it does have connotations of aspiration, but to me, it says "why is your name more important than mine?" when naming the baby.
they don't have the imagination to create a whole new name, so they barrel it.

depob Thu 14-Feb-13 16:45:16

Don't do what we did:
DS has first name, middle name, second middle name which is my surname, surname which is DP's surname.
Daughter has first name, middle name, surname which is DP's surname followed by my surname and not hyphenated.
Plane bookings, NHS, anything legal is a nightmare. I myself quite often forget what they are called.
Can't imagine how we were so stupid. Both DCs have vowed to change names by deed poll at 18 and may well divorce their parents at the same time.

Don't see the problem really - DS is FirstName MiddleName DPName Myname, no hyphens. If docs etc can't find under DPName MyName, then they look under Myname.

DS can then choose whether he uses DP's Surname as middle name, or double barrells with mine. Simples!

(mummymeister actually agree with it being a bit wanky, but DP and I not married, neither wanted DS to not have our name, so there we are. I do not think it makes us posh grin)

BornInACrossFireHurricane Thu 14-Feb-13 17:07:49

DH and I both double barrelled on marriage. I don't see it as wanky or trying to be posh- for me it was very much a feminist issue

nickelbabe Thu 14-Feb-13 17:13:35

yes, always make sure all children have the same name.
never enter into "if it's boy it can have your name, a girl can have mine" - you are likely to be upset by the outcome.

VBisme Thu 14-Feb-13 17:19:06

DH and I are Mr & Mrs Mymaidenname DHsurname, no hyphen, the kids are both DHsurname.

tallulah Thu 14-Feb-13 17:23:14

mummy, the idea of double-barreling is certainly not relatively new. We did it 30 years ago. I find it wanky that women choose to give their children the father's name, almost as a matter of course, when they aren't married, but each to their own.

The reason we d-b is because my interfering MIL told DH she would "disown" him if he changed his name to mine, as we'd planned. He wasn't bothered about his name and I was passionately attached to mine. Although I didn't change my name on marriage I then found that under the laws of this country if you cannot agree what your child's name will be and you are married the father's wishes take precedence. So it was looking like I would have to put up with my children having a different name to me, which I personally do not like.

I also get tired of the navel gazing that worries what will happen in future generations. My children are adults. One plans to keep my name and db with her boyf; one plans to just keep my bit and his gf wants to take it as well because she doesn't like her name. One uses his father's name only and the other uses both. It is up to each of them to decide what to do, and unlike my MIL I will address each of them the way they choose, and not how I think they should.

FWIW OP we are Myname-Hisname, with a hyphen. The other way around made a phrase.

milbracat
I think a hyphen would be preferable as it would stop people thinking that the first surname is actually a middle name.

I still get people who drop part of my surname, even with a hyphen to show it's double barrelled.

we double-barrelled when we got married 20 years ago - mainly because I didn't want to give up my name, and we thought it was a nice way of stating we were our own new family unit (DH had some family issues). The DDs have our d-b surname while they are still our responsibility, then can do what they like, as it won't be my decision at that point.

I don't care if it's wanky or not, I like how the two names sound, and we're the only people with that particular surname in the world (as far as google tells me) which is fantastic for business purposes.

badbride Thu 14-Feb-13 17:47:24

Am ROTFL at people who think double surnames are "wanky". Try telling that to the entire Spanish-speaking world! They all have 2 surnames, one from each parent. Children take one each of their parents' surnames--used to be the male-line name, but nowadays, parents can choose which one to pass on.

Result: a relatively equitable naming system that acknowledges both parents, but doesn't get ridiculously cumbersome. More info here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spanish_naming_customs

I think it's a good system.

HerrenaHarridan Thu 14-Feb-13 18:03:33

Middle class aspirations? Maybe in your circle of friends this is true.
My decision to double barrel and hyphenate was based on watching my best friends daughter grow up with her useless junkie dads name. The school/ doc etc. we're forever call my friend mrs uselessjunkiesname and it really hurt her.
Now my dd can choose when she is older and I can just use mine now her dad is no longer on the scene.
She is my daughter no way was she growing up with a different name from me

RevoltingPeasant Thu 14-Feb-13 18:17:09

Surely this is not remotely new - as a PP said, it goes back to landed gentry and nobility. I can think of examples from the C17th at least.

It's like when people spout off about 'new, chavvy' spellings of names that are actually the original spelling........

It is aspirational in the sense that the reason the upper classes did this originally was to preserve the woman's name as important if she brought land with her. It was unusually equally valuing her name. So, I equally value my name and I bring equal or greater assets to the marriage. Ergo, my DC will be Jones-Peasant, not Jones.

Aspiration is good.

ComposHat Thu 14-Feb-13 18:44:25

There are no rules when it comes to surnames in terms of the numbers of barrells nor does it have to be the same surname as either of the parents.

I went to Universirty with someone with a triple barrelled name. The first and last surname were the same name and it was quite an unusual name. Which I also wondered if that implied incest in the dim and distant past.

She was extrodinarily posh, but quite nice considering. I think her family were so posh that breeding with anyone who wasn't a family member would be a step down the social ladder. A bit like the Hapsbergs.

lovetomoan Fri 15-Feb-13 00:26:12

badbride I had the lovely Spanish naming which you mentioned. Bloody nightmare to get people to write it the right way. Ended up changing my surname as soon as I got married.

Not nice trying to spell my surname to any call center worker grin

And using a hyphen does not make a difference IMExperience.

ComposHat Fri 15-Feb-13 08:05:17

The only difference a hyphen will make is which surname they will be filed under.

Alice Cannon Ball would be filed under B for Ball

However Alice Cannon-Ball would be filed under C for Cannon.

GingerbreadGretel Fri 15-Feb-13 08:21:16

Yes, to what Peasant said. We have 17c examples on our family tree of double- and triple-barrels and also I have a document where a husband agreed to change his name to his wife's in exchange for inheriting her father's farm when he died. That was 18c.

I do find this "oooooh, what if a child with a double-barrel marries another child with a double-barrel" thing a bit disingenuous. Surely it doesn't take much imagination to see those marriages just make the same decisions anyone else does - pass on just mum's name, pass on just dad's name, come up with a combination of both, use some as middle names, use something else altogether, etc.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 08:29:39

So and this is a genuine question.... Why is it so important to keep your maiden name? I got married because I wanted our family to be recognised. I absolutely wanted the same name as my children and husband. I never thought fora minute about keeping my dads name. I just don't get it. I feel no ties to that name at all?

ComposHat Fri 15-Feb-13 08:31:21

But why should it have been your husband's name? Why not yours?

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 08:32:48

Well, I love my husband more than my dad?! I don't know, I guess I don't see any reason to break with tradition. I quite liked getting a new name.

GingerbreadGretel Fri 15-Feb-13 08:37:54

My name represents a group of people who were cleared off the land in the Highland Clearances, shipped to Ulster, never quite found their niche there then moved to the antipodes and founded a new town. They changed the spelling at Scotland/Ulster step, so the name now links directly to that. Yes it is my father's but it is mine and many others too!

It is fine to enjoy getting a new name. It would be nice to be able to recognise the validity of other people's choices too?

malteserzz Fri 15-Feb-13 08:38:05

I think it's wanky too I was proud to take my husbands name when we married

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 08:40:16

I didn't say anything about it being wrong to do it. I was asking a question! I have a big thing of my family tree at home and surnames change all the time.

RealAleandOpenFires Fri 15-Feb-13 08:46:12

Our LO has a double barrel name (with a hyphen) as myself & DP are the last of our lines.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 08:53:01

That's interesting realale. That way you see your family name continue. That's nice to do.

okthen Fri 15-Feb-13 09:21:06

Our kids are firstname myname dpname. No hyphen.

In hindsight I'd add an hyphen as it clearly marks out the first name from the surname(s). As it stands there is often a bit of confusion with docs/forms etc. though nothing that is not cleared up by a quick question and answer. Be warned though, plenty of people will just call your child by the man's name regardless!

We didn't double barrel through wankiness or aspiration. We did it because I think women taking their husband's name is outdated and sexist (we're not married but if we were, I'd keep my name). It actually makes me cringe when a friend- who has built a life, a career, an identity which includes her own name- wipes out that identity when she gets married. Fair enough to want the same name; but in all honesty, how many men would take their wife's name? How many DO? Very very few. When this changes I'll reconsider my views.

As for what my kids choose to do if/when they find partners and have kids- well, it's up to them. I expect by then things will be much more fluid wrt names. They could make up a new one if they wanted. There's no reason why there needs to be a consistent family name for generations. Especially now that divorce and blended families are commonplace.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 11:58:37

I disagree okthen. The life I built up has nothing to do with my name, it's my fathers name and I just happen to have it.
I have I emotional attachment to it at all.

It sad that a friends decision makes you cringe, it's just a name.

aldiwhore Fri 15-Feb-13 12:07:10

When I write my double barrelled name I don't use a hyphen, it's simply two surnames. I don't have a hissy fit when someone hyphenates it though..

You can legally call yourself whatever you like.

I took DH's name, he took mine... we did it for a number of reasons including; he's self employed, has a common name, mine not so common, he gets more work now as he's easier to find. I struggled to think up first names, having two surnames made it easier to not have second names. When I married I was still me, DH was still him, it seemed logical to create a union of our names rather than me to lose mine. It sounds nice.

We didn't need deed poll. Our solicitor drew up a declaration for free, this was accepted by all official bodies when applying for passports/driving licences etc.,

Legally, you can call youself anything... to make it official, you need a solicitor and 2 witnesses. My mate changed his name to Phineas Bluestone Breeze Blue... no hyphen, formally his surname is Bluestone Breeze Blue. Yes he's a hippy.

BornInACrossFireHurricane Fri 15-Feb-13 12:08:55

But it's not just your fathers name, it's yours. In that case you could argue that nobody has their own name.

madwomanacrosstheroad Fri 15-Feb-13 12:26:49

When we got married i kept my name and my husband kept his. When we met i had one child form a previous relationship who had my name. We then had four dc together, two before, two since our marriage.
I wanted to have all my children to have the same name so we decided all the children have my name.
I did not want to end up with children with a different surmane from mine and felt a double name would not solve the issue as when my children have children, will they have four grandparental names and which and what about their children?

sashh Fri 15-Feb-13 13:05:10

I thinnk the only rule is do not actually spell 'hyphen' in the middle, otherwise do as you want.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 13:12:34

But it was only my name because my mum married my dad. You could argue that I should have had my mothers maiden name. But then her mother had a different name..... And so on.

It's just a name. I just wanted my children and my husband and me to all have the same one. I didn't want to keep mine, as I said before I love my husband more than my dad, plus my name was a bit silly.

If you are changing names to parts of this and another or double barrelling you are in fact changing the name as well....

I can see why you would keep your name when you are about the history, but I can't see why you would keep it just because you feel it's empowering or something.....

lisac99 Fri 15-Feb-13 13:14:19

I was born with a double barrelled name.

So was my Father.

So was my Grandfather.

It's been in our family for over 300 years so no middle class aspirations here, only using the name I was born with.

I think if I ever had children, I'd like them to have my surname, however I could compromise and have half of my surname and my partners. If my partner wanted us to all have the same surname, he could change his and I'd therefore change mine.

I think it's wanky that some people seem to think that a name you were born with could be considered 'less' than a name you choose to take on marriage. I'm proud of my name... it's been with me for over 31 years.

StuntGirl Fri 15-Feb-13 13:22:32

I don't think I have ever seen an argument over this as ludicrous as "I love my husband more than my dad" hmm

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 13:24:52

I'm not arguing. I'm just saying to me it's just a name. I see nothing to make me want to keep my old surname or my dads family name, that's all.

I was pointing out that I see a big reason to take my husbands name.

I was interested in why people keep their maiden names and people have posted some interesting replies.

StuntGirl Fri 15-Feb-13 13:35:34

While you continue to see names as simply the property of men to be given out you won't understand. What on earth makes you, after however many years of your life, feel that it is not 'your' name?

And why, in this miraculous union of families, if a name is 'just a name', could equal consideration not be given to your name as well as his?

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 13:45:22

I felt that I wanted to be part of a new family, not still remain in mine. I did not want to keep my old name, it's as simple as that!

What on earth is the problem!?

nickelbabe Fri 15-Feb-13 14:02:24

Girl - i'm afraid I agree with StuntGirl - it is a bloody flimsy excuse/reason to take a name.

fine, you wanted to take your husband's name, but please don't dress it up as that because it doesn't sound very well thought-out at all.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 14:05:59

Dress it up as what? Sorry, I am confused to what the problem is.

okthen Fri 15-Feb-13 14:08:02

GirlOutnumbered- you say it's 'just a name' then list several reasons why you wanted to change it. Clearly it is loaded with some significance for you, ergo not 'just a name'.

Did your husband consider changing his? Would he? That's not an attack on your husband specifically btw. How many men REALLY would change their name?and if not why not? The answer to that would explain my issue. Because if there's a reason men wouldn't, why does that not apply to women.

As for feeling like a family unit by having the same name... I don't get it. Surely you don't need a shared name to feel like a unit?

ironhorse Fri 15-Feb-13 14:16:28

i always think a surname with a hyphen in it is seen as a double barrelled name however if its just firstname mysurname othersurname then the mysurname in the middle is seen as a middle name - it doesnt make their/your surname double barrelled.

Viviennemary Fri 15-Feb-13 14:17:37

I think this trend for double barrelled names is a bit silly. And I hope in will die out soon. The old rule used to be double barrelled with hyphen then names always used together and filed under first letter of first surname. And double barrelled without hyphen last name usually used for filing purposes.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 14:18:09

I didn't think you did need one family name no, but before we were married I had a different name to my son and I hated it. I never thought about getting married before, but thought that I would actually like to be married and have a family name. I never realised how traditional I was I guess.

Yes, we did think about whose name to have, my husband would have given serious consideration to it, if I had been adamant I wanted to keep mine but I wasn't. The choice to me was either my fathers family name or my husbands family name. I was happy with husbands that's all. I guess either my dad doesn't mean that much to me or I really do just think its a name and took the nicest one....

Not sure if that makes any sense and its just my feeling anyway, I appreciate its not the same for everyone. It's nice that people can choose.

nickelbabe Fri 15-Feb-13 14:25:54

exactly - what okthan said.

you obviously didn't just take your DH's name because you didn't think about it and just accepted convention - you clearly did it deliberately.
but you do sound like you're trying to make excuses for it.

take your DH's name if that's your choice, but don't fob it off as giving up your father's name in favour of your DH. it's your name you gave up.

StuntGirl Fri 15-Feb-13 14:30:17

I have no problem with people choosing one way or the other girl, at the end of the day its your choice.

I'm curious why you didn't give your son your name originally though, before you were married? Again, why the automatic deference to the father's name? (Not an attack, an actual question).

EuroShagmore Fri 15-Feb-13 14:30:32

How can you not feel any ties to a name that you have used throughout your life? confused

We will use both names if we have children (no sure if we will hyphenate or not yet). If anyone thinks that's vvanky, I couldn't give a shiny sh1t, frankly. For me, it's a feminist issue.

nickelbabe Fri 15-Feb-13 14:33:46

Euro did you really just spell Wanky with two vs? grin

nickelbabe Fri 15-Feb-13 14:34:15

and shit with a 1?

go on, just swear, it's MN not nethuns! wink

aldiwhore Fri 15-Feb-13 14:38:26

I had no problem 'carrying' my father's name throughout my life, but that doesn't mean I have to leave it behind, nor does it mean I am desperate to keep it.

For me it was about a choice. When I had a 'natural' choice to change my name I did... for me it was when I got married. I suppose I have my father's name now and my husband's (who has also now adopted my father's name) ... it could get confusing!

I 'could' have created my own name at any point in my life though, and I would not have an issue with anyone who did.

MY name happened to be my father's, but it became my own. I love my name, and it IS part of me, I am emotionally attached to it, I LIKE it, I didn't want to give it up because I was expected to as a woman... DH has had more 'stick' than me for taking 'my' name. It's a non issue. Likewise, if a woman is happy to take her DH's name, so what. So long as no one is forced, each to their own.

I think the worst 'insult' I've had is that I'm trying to up my social status, all I can say to that is MEH... I could have upped it in many other ways. I'm hardly fixated on climbing the class ladder if I drive i 15 year old Nissan Micra and rent a 3 bed semi!

I do loathe people having general opinions on me based on assumption.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 14:38:43

I gave my son his fathers name as I wasn't bothered about continuing my name. We are not a close family (my father that is). That's the only reason. We did toy with double barrelled for him, but our names are too comical together.

StuntGirl Fri 15-Feb-13 14:40:05

Another question which probably sounds like an attack but isn't meant to be - your husband "would have" considered taking your name. That implies no conversation on names took place. Did you have any discussions? Was it simply assumed (by you, him or both) that you would take his name?

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 14:42:07

Nope...see above. We talked about double barrelled. I don't think anything like that is just assumed in this day and age is it...?
Loads of people asked if I was keeping name/taking her when we said we were getting married. It seems quite common to not too.
I have friends that did completely make up a surname, sounds like a superhero, it's pretty cool.

BackforGood Fri 15-Feb-13 14:43:42

No, I was in assembly this morning and some poor child was called out for their certificate, and they had a triple barrelled surname.

StuntGirl Fri 15-Feb-13 14:46:26

Sorry, xpost.

So you had a discussion and went down a traditional route. Cool. I do still feel sad that you at no point in your life felt your name was 'yours', and was simply transient until you got married. What if you'd never got married?

I wonder why men don't seem to feel this ambivalence fowards their names (which if we're going down that route, is their fathers name anyway)? Or perhaps they do but as circumstance dictates they don't often have the same opportunity to ditch it?

nickelbabe Fri 15-Feb-13 14:46:30

no, you said you talked about double-barrelled, not about him taking your name.

GirlOutNumbered Fri 15-Feb-13 14:50:29

Sorry I didn't make it crystal clear nickelback!

I guess in some part it's due to the fact that my mum married again and she had a different name, I was in my teens and I am not close to my dad. I hadn't really given it much thought till now. It's interesting thinking about it, maybe it's because I am still called by my old surname by friends, it's always been a nickname, so I don't notice if I miss it?

I don't know, perhaps a part of me is glad not to be called the same as my dad, like I have moved on from that?

EuroShagmore Fri 15-Feb-13 14:52:02

nickel I'm at work. I'm complying with our internet policy (sort of)! I can only swear properly when posting from home. It's rather odd because loads of people swear out loud here, including me, but typing swear words is a no no.

nickelbabe Fri 15-Feb-13 15:03:32

grin

poor you.

nickelbabe Fri 15-Feb-13 15:05:26

sorry, that was to EuroShag...

ah, i see Girl - it does make sense like that, but it still sounds like you are seeing your original surname as a "for now" name.
but that's up to you, of course, and your reasoning with that extra explanation is much better than your original changing from dad's to husband's because you love him more wink

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Fri 15-Feb-13 15:18:06

If it's just a name then why do some people get so stroppy when the woman doesn't change her name?

EuroShagmore Fri 15-Feb-13 15:19:34

I have a number of innovative swear alternatives I regularly employ during office hours!

StuntGirl Fri 15-Feb-13 15:29:29

Probably because the result of the male name dominated thing is some women like girl end up feeling that their name is never truly 'theirs', and that's quite sad to go through life without feeling like you own your own identity.

StuntGirl Fri 15-Feb-13 15:31:22

Although it's not like I lose sleep over it. I view it is a feminist issue, some people don't. Horses for courses and all that.

nickelbabe Fri 15-Feb-13 15:40:19

i view it as a feminist issue too.

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