to sleep in the living room tonight

(68 Posts)
ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 21:53:21

baby is 9 months old. the last week she's been waking every 2 hours. Her best ever sleep is waking 3 times. She won't go back to sleep without me feeding her. I'm so tired, and sick of it. shall i sleep in the living room tonight and leave my husband to deal with her?

BubblegumPie Wed 13-Feb-13 21:54:36

are you bf or ff?

ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 21:55:55

breast feeding.

BluelightsAndSirens Wed 13-Feb-13 21:56:24

Does your DH help out in the night, are you BFing?

NotSoNervous Wed 13-Feb-13 21:56:28

I would, a night of sleep will do you the world of good. Is she waking for food or just comfort?
If your bf could you leave your DH a bottle of EBM ?

BigAudioDynamite Wed 13-Feb-13 21:56:37

will he deal with her? Or come get you?

BubblegumPie Wed 13-Feb-13 21:57:05

it sounds like a growth spurt, would you consider co sleeping until she starts sleeping a bit better? I know it's not for everyone but it does mean you get a lot more sleep!

BluelightsAndSirens Wed 13-Feb-13 21:57:39

X post, she is probably having a growth spurt or just thirsty, have you tried settling with some water, does she fall back to sleep on the breast?

formallyknownasloveydarling Wed 13-Feb-13 21:58:39

YABU. She isn't doing it on purpose you know.
(and yes, I do know how sleep deprivation feels; my kids are the worst sleepers ever)!

ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 21:58:49

he just sleeps through the whole thing. will try and help if i'm at the end of my tether and ask him. sometimes successfully cuddles her back to sleep. sometimes she only wants me and goes ballistic.

she hasn't as yet ever taken a bottle.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Wed 13-Feb-13 21:59:22

I wonder if that would work really, if she's feeding at night. Does she sleep any better in with you? I sympathise with you on lack of sleep, so hard.

SirBoobAlot Wed 13-Feb-13 21:59:23

It sounds like a growth spurt, a bug or teething. It's hard going but we all need a mothers when we're feeling rubbish. Second the co-sleeping suggestion. She's still really little, it won't last forever.

SirBoobAlot Wed 13-Feb-13 22:00:21

In that case you are going to get even less sleep if you leave him to it. Go to bed now, get some hours in early.

BeaWheesht Wed 13-Feb-13 22:01:21

I know it's tempting but I think get your dh to try and settle her for 5 minutes and if its not looking hopeful just feed her, she's only tiny and believe me I know what exhaustion is like, utterly debilitating, but she's just a baby.

Or co-sleep?

ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 22:01:33

i'm just finding that the lack of sleep is affecting how I feel about her, I'm just so tired and fed up and have no patience.

I sthere a growth spurt at nine months.

I'm co sleeping probably 60% of the time, not through choice but through tiredness and falling asleep whilst feeding her. To be honest, I hate it. I just want my bed back and some space.

BubblegumPie Wed 13-Feb-13 22:02:19

Kick DH out instead? wink

Branleuse Wed 13-Feb-13 22:02:28

you'll wake up with football boobs and Will probably hear her anyway but could be worth a try

ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 22:04:36

i want my bed with my husband and to be able to sleep more than 2 hours in a row.

If i go through there and go to bed she'll wake up. She always does. It's like she can smell me. Just as I'm dropping off she wakes up and that's me, stuck in tortuous sleep/non sleep for the rest of the night, wishing the hours away till morning. I hate it

ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 22:06:33

gah, the majority telling me not to.

BluelightsAndSirens Wed 13-Feb-13 22:06:39

Have you tried letting DH give her a bottle of BM? She may not take it from you because of the boob thing but sometimes they will feed with some one else when hungry.

Worth a try but if not I'd kick DH out so you can stretch out and try for some extra sleep.

So shit when you are sleep deprived

BluelightsAndSirens Wed 13-Feb-13 22:07:53

Does she sleep in your room, do you have another room for her to sleep in?

DewDr0p Wed 13-Feb-13 22:07:53

OP when my middle one was little and we were all suffering terribly with the effects of his reflux, sometimes I used to sleep in our spare room (which is quite away from the other bedrooms) - when he woke dh would bring him to me to feed and then take him away again to wind and settle. (if no spare room I would definitely have kipped on the sofa instead)

Would that help you? It saved my sanity.

BeaWheesht Wed 13-Feb-13 22:08:00

Well you need to make long term changes you can't just suddenly not feed her tonight.

Try during daytime to get her to take a bottle from dh - not when she's starving and tired. Also PLEASE work out a safe co- sleeping arrangement - that's much better than what you're doing now, it can be so dangerous.

Do you have PND? Maybe speak to your HV?

ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 22:08:26

i haven't got any ebm. When do people find time to express when they've got toddlers and babies?

does it make sense that i'm so tired, but i'm too scared to go through there and try and sleep?

UKSky Wed 13-Feb-13 22:08:27

Why not kick DH onto the sofa for one night and you snuggle up in bed with your DD. Or even, have all of you in bed and let DD feed as and when she wants to.

I remember this time, and it feels like it's never going to end and that you're going mad through lack of sleep.

Start off with your DD in her normal sleeping place and then pop her into your bed when she wakes up. One day, in the not too distant future, you will wake up partially refreshed and realise that you have slept all night.

BeaWheesht Wed 13-Feb-13 22:09:16

DewDr0p makes a good suggestion - we used to do similar but dh never used to bloody wake up half the time

DewDr0p Wed 13-Feb-13 22:09:53

OP it makes perfect sense to me. When ds2's reflux was bad dh and I both used to dread going to bed sad

ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 22:10:47

don't worry, we safely co sleep . I'm understand the issues and risks.

no i don't have pnd.

no spare room for her.

dewdrop, that's kinda what i had in mind

DewDr0p Wed 13-Feb-13 22:12:34

Do it - you will feel so much better.

ditziness Wed 13-Feb-13 22:12:37

right that's it, i'm getting the sofa bed out.

gotellitonthemountain Wed 13-Feb-13 22:13:08

Sounds awful. I felt just the same. 9 months is quite old to still be needing such regular feeds. Have you had support from your health visitor?

You will reach the other side and you won't feel like this forever. Sleep sounds like a priority, however you can get it.

SirBoobAlot Wed 13-Feb-13 22:13:28

It will pass. Know it feels like it's been this way forever, and will continue to be, but it really will pass. Promise.

Iateallthejaffacakes Wed 13-Feb-13 22:17:31

Big sympathies, we have one who sounds very similar, and I remember 8/9 months as being an awful time in terms of night wakings and feedings and feeling like it was driving me mad. I don't really know what it was all about or what changed but it has now got better and she now (15mts) only wakes once a night- which is an enormous improvement.

AlwaysWashing Wed 13-Feb-13 22:25:46

Would def recommend co sleeping. DS2, now 11 weeks had a period of about 6 weeks where he fed every 2 hours and co sleeping saved me. My DH could sleep through an earth quake & I find myself doing it all in the night unless I have a bit if a strop. Co sleeping meant that I could feed then lay DS2 down next to me and the closeness of my holding his hand or resting my hand on his chest was enough for him to settle - before this I was cuddling him to sleep sat up in bed, getting crap sleep myself and a sore back.
I don't think YABU to have a nights decent sleep once in a while. No it's not LO fault she wants feeding so frequently but by having a good sleep yourself you are not punishing her and you will feel tonnes better and able to function better for it.

AlwaysWashing Wed 13-Feb-13 22:27:55

Worth mentioning that I didn't buy a co sleeping cot as they seemed comparatively expensive so bought the regular cot I wanted and left off one side. I wonder if lots of people do this or whether I had a clever moment!?!

DumSpiroSpero Wed 13-Feb-13 22:34:40

Agree that consistent co-sleeping is worth a try - it's quite common for separation anxiety to be an issue at 9/10 months.

Perhaps you could try settling her with a top you've been wearing so that the sudden smell of 'mummy' doesn't wake her when you go to bed? I don't know for sure that it would help but I'd think it's worth a try.

christinarossetti Wed 13-Feb-13 22:35:36

Sleep deprivation is hellish. Yes, do it, get a few hours decent shut eye.

Your husband can bring her in and offer her water. Do agree a plan of action with him beforehand though!

MarilynValentine Wed 13-Feb-13 22:41:20

Poor you. DS was still is a poor sleeper. Sleep deprivation is so undermining, so upsetting.

DS took a bottle so, once he was four/five months old, one night a week DH would feed him at night with expressed milk, sometimes a bit of formula if I hadn't had the chance to express enough. It saved my sanity - knowing I had that one night a week to look forward to.

Obv your LO won't take a bottle but perhaps you could make your/Dewdrop's plan a weekly thing?

Also - your DH can take LO for walks on the weekend so you can have afternoon naps.

Just catch up with sleep whenever you can. Cosleep for daytime naps too.

GadaboutTheGreat Wed 13-Feb-13 22:45:05

My sympathies OP, I'm in much the same boat with 9mo DS. He's going through major developmental stuff & teething all at the same time, feeding every 2/3 hours again shock

It is bloody hard isn't it. I often struggle with my feelings towards him too, after a bad night, but it's the sleep deprivation playing with our minds & bodies sad

Hang on in there, it will pass eventually and until then, co-sleep when needed.

thanks

Scheherezade Wed 13-Feb-13 23:34:07

Put her cot in another room tomorrow eve, having srperate rooms made an instant, overnight change to my.ebf 6mo waking every 2 hours.

Startail Wed 13-Feb-13 23:45:35

I found that by 6 months both my FF and BF DDs slept better in their own rooms. They kept me awake and I kept them awake.

I have thought you only need one night feed by now.

See if she'll settle for DH at least some times.

ditziness Thu 14-Feb-13 06:32:57

Woo hoo! I slept till 430 and fed her then. Longest sleep I've had in a year. Wow. Doing that again tonight

BambieO Thu 14-Feb-13 06:39:35

Ah congratulations OP! I have been up all night with a raging cough hahaha no rest for us, once the babies settle it's something else! So pleased for you bet you feel grand!

ivanapoo Thu 14-Feb-13 08:02:31

Great news, what do you think worked? That baby couldn't smell you or that your DH just slept until baby was making more noise?

DialsMavis Thu 14-Feb-13 08:34:05

DS1 started sleeping through as soon as he had his own room... We moved onto a sofabed

rainbow2000 Thu 14-Feb-13 09:08:05

I found sleeping in the sitting room while they were going through growth spurts teh best remedy.
I often got better sleep cause there was nobody else to make noise and disturb them.
Often though its just an exscuse to raid the fridge(it was for me )

rainbow2000 Thu 14-Feb-13 09:09:15

Yes meant to say i put them in their own room about they slept through.

DewDr0p Thu 14-Feb-13 10:18:18

Brilliant news OP. A night or two more of this and you won't know yourself. wink

TeWiSavesTheDay Thu 14-Feb-13 10:55:45

Wahoo!

There is nothing wrong with night-weaning. We did it at 11mths, took about a month to really truly kick the habit and DS has slept through since.

I feel so much better, hope you do too.

GadaboutTheGreat Thu 14-Feb-13 12:05:09

Btw, I moved DS to his own room just before 7 months. He still wakes for a bf up to 4 times a night shock hmm confused

ditziness Thu 14-Feb-13 13:56:25

She still woke up every hour or so, but the husband dealt with it and cuddled her and gave her water. So he's shattered today, and I feel not as bad as usual.

ditziness Thu 14-Feb-13 19:02:33

Tempted to do it again tonight.

Also tempted to start giving her a baby of formula before bed.

DialsMavis Fri 15-Feb-13 09:04:58

Have you thought about night weaning? How was last night?

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue Fri 15-Feb-13 09:16:21

9 months is pretty young for night weaning, many babies need milk up to a year and beyond.

frustratedworkingmum Fri 15-Feb-13 09:35:12

a baby of formula? sheeesh, you ARE tired grin

This is what i did though, otherwise i think i would have died from sleep deprivation. A nice big fatty BOTTLE of formula to keep her going through the night and then BF during the day. Worked really well for us.

<awaits flaming>

ditziness Fri 15-Feb-13 20:20:16

she only woke up once at 2am last night. I'm scared to move back into the bedroom!

ditziness Fri 15-Feb-13 20:21:22

i have no problem feeding her once or even twice during the night, as much as I'd love her to not wake at all. It's the every one or so thing i can't handle

wreckedone Fri 15-Feb-13 20:27:13

My hubby has NEVER woken up to the baby (who is now nearly 21mo). And now, his snoring wakes me and the baby up-I've been on the sofa for as long as I can remember and our lad just copies his snoring then goes back to sleep.

NationalLottie Fri 15-Feb-13 20:29:14

Keep going with night weaning OP. a 9 month old baby doesn't need fed through night if eating & drinking enough in day.

ChoudeBruxelles Fri 15-Feb-13 20:31:39

Could your dh take her out for the morning so you can have a big lie in instead?

Then talk to your dh about making some changes to try to get sleep a bit better? Ds didn't sleep through til he was nearly 3 - and even then would wake at 5.30. It does get easier I promise.

Joiningthegang Fri 15-Feb-13 20:33:07

Worth a try!

ditziness Sat 16-Feb-13 07:36:11

I've moved back into the bedroom
And just on wake up at 2 am, hurrah! I can deal with that!!!

ditziness Tue 19-Feb-13 03:37:39

Aaa agh, back to every hour or so tonight

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Tue 19-Feb-13 03:56:37

I sympathise op, I am the same with the dreading going to bed and mine is only 3mo. Also hate co-sleeping.

I don't think she's young for night weaning tbh. Or try the formula -she's eating food presumably so it's not as if she's ebf, so i don't suppose one bottle a day will make much difference.

Stonefield Tue 19-Feb-13 04:21:10

Sounds like it's time baby moved to their own room. And if you can express or get them to take a formula bottle then your DH will be able to settle them in the night. It's what we do, co sleeping didn't work for us at all, nobody got any decent sleep. Good luck

ditziness Tue 19-Feb-13 06:54:25

We don't have a room for her to move into. Then plan was when she was sleeping better she'd move in with DS

munchkinmaster Tue 19-Feb-13 07:39:01

I'd do it again if your husband can cope. See if her habit will change. Also she will be hungry for milk today. If she's drinking all night she prob isn't taking enough milk during day so this is a good chance to flip it.

baskingseals Tue 19-Feb-13 08:43:21

i am with frustrated working mum.

i made it to 10 months with dc3 who was the most appalling sleeper. he was ebf until 6 months and then had his fatty bottle of formula in a desperate attempt to get him to sleep for longer than 2 hours at any one time - needless to say this did not work.

then i couldn't take it anymore and i gave him to dh.

do not agree that 9 month old babies need to feed at night. feel this is bollocks actually.

ditzi - give her to dh and get some sleep and don't feel bad. stuff her during the day.

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