To have told a woman she couldn't go ahead of me in a queue in Lidl?!

(60 Posts)
NoNoNooooo Tue 12-Feb-13 12:24:51

Today I was lining up to pay for my things with my son, who'd just woken up 5 mins earlier. He normally has a melt down when waking up outside the house so I wanted to get out of there quickly before he started.

As I was standing waiting, a woman came and stood next to me and started lingering towards the till, attempting to cut infront. I'd been standing there about 5 mins or more and there were only two tills open today which were both busy.

I pushed my pushchair ahead and began putting my things on the belt when she tapped me on the shoulder and said "do you mind if I go ahead of you?"
I replied (thanks to MN) "No". I don't know how she misunderstood but she replied "thank you" and was about to put her things down when I said "No, I have a baby and he will start crying any minute now".

She looked at me shocked like no one has ever said "no" to her before, and my face went red and I just turned my face the other way in embarrassment. My baby didnt end up crying, but was I wrong to not let her go ahead? She had two big packets of popcorn and something else in her hand I think. I had a basketful of fruit and milk, that's all.

NewAtThisMalarky Tue 12-Feb-13 12:26:22

YANBU - but it's fairly obvious where the misunderstanding happened.

She asked if you minded.

You said no.

Therefore you said you don't mind if she cuts in front of you.

5alive4life Tue 12-Feb-13 12:27:00

yanbu to tell he she cant go infront of you. yabu to say "no" when she asked "do you mind?" you should have said "yes i do mind"

manicinsomniac Tue 12-Feb-13 12:27:17

It's easy to see how she misunderstood you. She said 'do you mind if I go ahead' and you said 'no' ie 'no, I don't mind, go for it.' If you'd minded you should have said 'yes.'

You weren't being unreasonable not to let her if you were in a hurry though and she had no special reason beyond not having much stuff. It's nice to let people go in those circumstances but sometimes you can't. ANd I don't think people should ask, they should wait and see if they get the offer.

Isildur Tue 12-Feb-13 12:27:49

You told her it would be ok to go in front of you, then said she couldn't.

I'd have thought you were a bit odd too.

TheNebulousBoojum Tue 12-Feb-13 12:28:05

Exactly.
No wrong or right, you had a choice and you made it. I bet she was embarrassed too.

fromparistoberlin Tue 12-Feb-13 12:28:10

thats so funny

your major assertiviness attempt, failed! bless you!

NoNoNooooo Tue 12-Feb-13 12:28:39

Oh yes. blush

squeakytoy Tue 12-Feb-13 12:29:42

By just saying "no" you said you didnt mind... confused

Isildur Tue 12-Feb-13 12:29:59

OP, when people here say 'no is a complete sentence' , they don't mean say no when you mean yes grin

peeriebear Tue 12-Feb-13 12:30:16

Well, you replied to her "Do you mind" with "no", so it did sound as if you were letting her in. However you hardly had a trolley full so it was no hardship for her to wait! I offer for people to go in front if we have a whole load and they have a couple of bits (guy last week who had milk, sugar and biscuits and was in work uniform). The week before a woman let me go in front in Lidl as I was just buying nappies. I didn't ask though!

NoNoNooooo Tue 12-Feb-13 12:30:58

Yes I realise that squeakytoy. blush

<goes off to remove cotton wool from brain>

Starblue Tue 12-Feb-13 12:31:10

You didn't say no though did you?!
She asked you if you minded her going in front of you and you said no-therefore you allowed her to go in front of you.
She did nothing wrong and didn't react as if no one had never said no to her,she was confused that you just let her ho in front of her and then told her she couldn't.
And I would get used to the baby crying our of the house if i were you!

catladycourtney1 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:31:23

Haha, it's fine to say no, but not if you've just told her you don't mind! wink

usualsuspect Tue 12-Feb-13 12:32:57

No isn't a complete sentence after all.Not that I ever thought it was.

nickelbabe Tue 12-Feb-13 12:33:27

""do you mind if I go ahead of you?"
I replied (thanks to MN) "No". "

you said "no" - that means you said you didn't mind if she did. she asked you if you minded, not if she could.

big difference.
grin (cos i see you know now)

Starblue Tue 12-Feb-13 12:33:54

Ha ha,cross posted with everyone who thought the same!
Just wait a bit op your lady will be on mn later discussing the clearly bonkers woman who allowed her to go ahead in the queue and then told her off.

NoNoNooooo Tue 12-Feb-13 12:34:10

Now I feel bad. Karma will bite me on the bum for this! Need to so something nice for someone quickly!

jen127 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:34:44

ha ha ! I love that !
This happened to me recently - queueing at the supermarket which has the express aisles and I was at a regular till.
This woman behind me asked could she go ahead of me and I said no - For no good reason actually.
She was raging . I said you asked - I answered .
I would normally ;et anyone go ahead but I was a bit miffed that she didn't want to use the express tills which were empty but thought she could just go ahead ! smile

MrsKeithRichards Tue 12-Feb-13 12:35:08

grin

Ah bless, just forget about it all!

Numberlock Tue 12-Feb-13 12:35:09

How many items did she have? I'd have let her gone in front if it was only a few and you had a full trolley.

AlienReflux Tue 12-Feb-13 12:35:22

Ha ha ha ha!! Sorry OP grin

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Tue 12-Feb-13 12:36:33

You don't have to let her go in front of course. I wouldn't if I didn't have that much myself. I would if she had a few items and I had a trolley. BUT there were definite crossed wired over your "No". I always think saying something like "I'm sorry but I'm in a rush" is more polite and less likely to result in a misunderstanding. I think "No" as a full sentence is overused on MN and is often rude and, as you found, can be ambiguous. I would only use "No" as a sentence if there was a long standing problem with someone ignoring my wishes.

NoNoNooooo Tue 12-Feb-13 12:36:55

blush

Numberlock I had a basket and she had 2-3 items in her hand.

SocialClimber Tue 12-Feb-13 12:39:56

Brilliant.

CheeseandPickledOnion Tue 12-Feb-13 12:40:11

Well to be fair, I can see how she misunderstood.

She asked 'do you mind?'. You said 'no'. Which insinuates you don't mind!

That's probably why she looked confused. But no, there is no reason you should have let her. No one person is more entitled than any other.

MonstrousPippin Tue 12-Feb-13 12:41:48

She probably just looked shocked because you seemed like you changed your mind in the space of 5 minutes.

Despite this, I do think use of "No is a complete sentence" in this case would be going a bit far. You'd just seem rude and a grumpy cow. If she asked you nicely, just reply nicely with something like "sorry, but I'd rather go first because I've got the baby".

MonstrousPippin Tue 12-Feb-13 12:42:14

5 seconds not 5 minutes

Arithmeticulous Tue 12-Feb-13 12:44:00

Whoops.

Numberlock Tue 12-Feb-13 12:44:29

Well we need to know what those 2-3 items were so we can judge, No. grin

atthewelles Tue 12-Feb-13 12:45:49

Thank you OP. Finally we can prove that 'no' is not a full sentence. I hate it when people on MN give that advice. A blunt 'no' is rude. Fine, if you are deliberately trying to be rude to someone who is pissing you off but in most situations 'no' is not a complete sentences, it's a grumpy response.

alemci Tue 12-Feb-13 12:47:01

why can't people wait their turn. I would never ask. If someone offered then fine. I would sometimes offer if i had a trolley and someone had a couple of things.

My pet hate is when the person behind you brings their trolley right up to the cashier when you are paying and hassles you. I got so fed up the other day after patiently queuing on a busy till and being late myself and then the lady behind me did this.

I said would you please excuse me and she moved the trolley back.

stormforce10 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:51:37

YANBU though if you were able to it would have been nice of you. I nearly always let people go in fornt if htey've just a small number of things. Sometimes I haven't even finished unloading my trolly before they've paid and left.

Big thank you the lovely lady in Aldi this morning who suggested I go in front of her as DS was sitting in his car seat on the trolly and screaming the place down. We both had about the same amount of stuff in trollies. I think she didn't want to listen to him longer than necessary - she even came up and helped me sling everything into my big bags so I could get out quicker smile Lovely lady

seaofyou Tue 12-Feb-13 12:52:24

YWNBU

I was in Lidl 2 months ago and other till openned and I went towards it man behind me in queue tried to overtake me but couldn't beat megrin

I had ds who has AS with me who hates waiting and shops full stop and would have had melt down if I started letting people go infront.

He then said can I go ahead I only got 3 items...to which I pointed down to my trolley 'No, I only got 4 items'(4 packs of flavoured water I couldn't carry as too heavy hence needed trolley).

BourbonsandTea Tue 12-Feb-13 12:52:39

hahaha oh dear! Don't dwell on it.. but I do think you should Namechange to NoNoNoooooIMeanYes

AlienReflux Tue 12-Feb-13 12:53:47

I asked a woman yesterday if she would mind, we reached the check out at exactly the same time, she had a trolley, and I had a four pack! (she didn't mind , so said no!!) grin

AnnIonicIsoTronic Tue 12-Feb-13 12:55:07

Signpost it:

"sorry -no"
"no - of course not"

Misunderstanding eliminated.

seaofyou Tue 12-Feb-13 12:55:25

Bourbon sounds like the man in Vicar of Dib grin

YeahBuddy Tue 12-Feb-13 13:02:49

I hate that too alemci! Also hate it when people stand over you when paying - get out of my personal space and wait your bloody turn!!

Never mind OP, just look out for a thread about you later gringrin

TomArchersSausage Tue 12-Feb-13 13:07:28

Lol this is very funny thoughgrin. Like one a Two Ronnies sketch.

zippey Tue 12-Feb-13 13:08:06

To be honest, if someone was polite and they asked if they could go in front, I would have let them. I know you had a baby, but its not the end of the world if baby starts crying. Its the little things we do, being neighborly and all that make the world a nicer place to live in.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Tue 12-Feb-13 13:09:17

Never mind. I'm sure on the Karma scale far, far worse things will be done today, I reckon you might have to wait a while for that bite on the bum (and even if it did, it would be more like a tickle than a bite).

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter Tue 12-Feb-13 13:12:52

This winds me up, I'll often offer if they have a few items and I have lots. But they should wait to be asked not just push in front basically telling you.
Like pulling out of junctions, don't assume I'll let you go that's just rude. But I will let you go if your waiting patiently!!

Scholes34 Tue 12-Feb-13 13:25:29

I don't see the relevance of her "two big bags of popcorn" against your "fruit and milk". It's almost implying her shopping wasn't worthy.

GetOrf Tue 12-Feb-13 13:28:18

Bless you OP grin

FellatioNels0n Tue 12-Feb-13 13:30:07

hahaha, poor old NoNoNooo grin I can see how the mistunderstanding happened, but she was still being unreasonable if you only had a small basket of stuff. Understandable if you had a great trolley load, but you didn't have much more than her.

that is the obvious flaw in 'No is a complete sentence.' grin

PickledInAPearTree Tue 12-Feb-13 13:30:14

Someone asked me this once in Spar.

They had no teeth mad scarey eyes and looked pissed and really violent, I said of course not you go ahead, sir.

FellatioNels0n Tue 12-Feb-13 13:38:16

I live in the middle east and people do this ALL the time. Drives me nuts. To be fair the supermarkets are terrible at opening tills for 10 items or fewer, so most people will offer if they have tons and someone behind them only has a little bit. But some people are incredibly rude and pushy and expect to go ahead even if they have the same or more shopping than you, and loads of people don't even ask - they just squeeze themselves in, waving money under the cashiers nose, or they waltz up to the head of the queue, bold as brass. I see it every day. shock

At least in supermarkets there is a queue, albeit a slightly disorganised one. Trying to queue up in any kind of an outdoor market or at a bar or a counter with no obvious line is enough to make you have Shop Rage. People are so unbelievably rude and will just jostle and barge and totally ignore the fact that you are halfway through a transaction, and will just start talking to the shop assistant as if you are not there. confused The old people are the worst.

alemci Tue 12-Feb-13 13:46:01

pickled in a pear smile

very sensible. can just picture it. do you think he had left his dentures at home.

Pipachi Tue 12-Feb-13 13:54:26

Don´t dwell on it NoNo. smile. You only had some fruit and milk - plus: you had your baby with you. It was actually a bit cheeky of her to ask.

NoNoNooooo Tue 12-Feb-13 14:24:58

Thanks for all the nice replies. I feel so embarrassed now! Lets hope I never bump into her again, she must have thought I was a right weird, grumpy cow!

aldiwhore Tue 12-Feb-13 14:30:22

You weird grumpy cow NoNoNoooooo grin

Too funny. Are you Miranda?

I do the same sort of thing regularly. PLEASE though, if you bump into her again, say something - she'll think you're just plain weird then rather than grumpy!

MrsMelons Tue 12-Feb-13 14:39:34

I am surprised that people would actually ask to go in front of someone at the check out. If you haven't got time to do your shopping go later!

The misunderstanding is quite funny - she may have just been confused rather than annoyed though.

I may offer for someone to go in front if I had loads and they didn't but often if you have had to do a big family shop and sometimes with DCs in tow you want to get through that check as quickly as possible so I would definitely say no if anyone asked!

NoNoNooooo Tue 12-Feb-13 14:49:32

aldiwhore, unfortunately I'm not Miranda. I wish I was though, it would be "such fun!"

montage Tue 12-Feb-13 14:53:13

"Yes" is a complete sentence too, OP wink

I think the relevance of the popcorn is just the OP listing the woman's items vs her own - i.e. there wasn't a major discrepancy between her amount of shopping and the OP's.

Blizzardofbuzzards Tue 12-Feb-13 15:09:50

Don't worry OP, the etiquette of supermarket queues is not written down anywhere. I'd never ask someone if I could go in front of them.

When I'm in Lidl I often have a full trolley so will let someone behind me with only a few items go ahead.

However, what are you supposed to do when there are three or four (or more) people behind with a few items each? Recently I was in this situation and thought if I let them all through I'd be there for ages and I was in a hurry so I just carried on putting things on the belt.

A few of the people looked very put out and I think they thought I should let them go ahead of me. Was I wrong? In a way they could have been standing behind a lot of people with a few items each so they would be waiting just as long as waiting behind me then wouldn't they?

treaclesoda Tue 12-Feb-13 15:17:30

I'm impressed that Lidl had two tills open. There are about four or five tills in my local Lidl but I've only ever seen them open one of them. I think the others are dummy tills...

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 12-Feb-13 15:44:33

grin your OP really made me giggle with your mixup. Even if you did get it right and tell her first that you did mind then you still wouldn't have been unreasonable. Taking a child with autism shopping can be a nightmare, I'd do anything to avoid a meltdown too!

alemci Tue 12-Feb-13 17:09:03

No Blizzard, I don't think you were wrong. it could be a bit like driving when you let one person out and then some others behind think you will let them out too.

queuing is what this nation is good at. Patience isn't such a bad quality.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now