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To be tired of people that expect lifts??

(34 Posts)
IHeartAldousSnow Tue 12-Feb-13 02:48:24

I do not mind in the slightest about giving my friends lift - it's what all friends do.

However it's the none driving friends that are starting to grate on me now. Friend text me every week to tell me to pick her up so she can come to the same exercise class as me - fine. But it rarely even gets a thank you, it's just expected every week that I will do it.

Which of course I will she's my friend, but it's the fact that it's not appreciated and its just expected now.

We decided as a group of friends to meet up at the weekend and a different friend announced "well if we are meeting at B's house then someone is going to have to give me a lift"

- Ok .... fair enough, how about asking politely would someone give you a lift rather than just expecting it?

Goldensunnydays81 Tue 12-Feb-13 03:00:26

Just say no then! Go to the exercise class by yourself or tell your friend to meet you there.
There seems to be lots if people complaining about giving lifts at the moment if you don't want to do it just say so!!

Astelia Tue 12-Feb-13 03:43:37

This is annoying you and the friend seems totally ungrateful (how hard is it to say thank you?). So before you get totally fed up and say something you regret and which destroys the friendship you need to devise a plan.

Think of something you could usefully do before the class that means you don't have time to go and pick her up. As Golden says, just say you'll meet her there. It will only take a few weeks for this to become the status quo.

ENormaSnob Tue 12-Feb-13 03:52:57

Yanbu

Tee2072 Tue 12-Feb-13 04:34:26

It does bother you. Your first paragraph is bullshit,

Say no.

SkinnybitchWannabe Tue 12-Feb-13 07:31:47

YANBU. Its rude if they don't even say a quick thanks.
I often give friends lifts here and there, and I always get a thankyou. One friend always offers me petrol money..I refused.

WeAreEternal Tue 12-Feb-13 08:02:01

Tell them that you are walking yourself, then park around the corner.

Or just say "sorry I can't give you a lift today" you don't need to give an explanation, just keep repeating sorry I can't.

Tulahoob Tue 12-Feb-13 08:14:52

I have to agree that some non-drivers have a sense of entitlement and think they should be ferried here there and everywhere. Usually for free and without having to say thank you!

I once worked with a woman who didn't drive, as we somehow got into a routine of her getting a bus to my house each morning and then coming the rest of the journey in my car. No petrol money was ever given or offered. She started missing the first bus in the mornings, getting the second one, and so we were late leaving most mornings and were subsequently late by 5 minutes for work each day. One morning I had a doctors's appointment first thing and so couldn't take her in, and my boss then moaned at me as she couldn't get in that day.

I'd never get into that kind of situation again, where I was giving someone regular lifts. It always gets taken for granted and is an inconvenience.

IneedAsockamnesty Tue 12-Feb-13 08:31:51

I had a friend who expects lifts every where even if I say "well I was going to get the bus " he has temper tantrums ranting on about how he hates the bus,

I now ignore him compleaty.

SofaKing Tue 12-Feb-13 08:37:34

Not another thread about this!

I don't drive and I have never, not even once, asked anyone for a lift. If I accept an offered lift, I provide petrol money or if that is refused would buy tea or lunch for the driver instead.

Just say no - or get some new friends who are not so entitled.

It really isn't fair to constantly characterise non drivers as lift scroungers just because you happen to have friends who are users.

FutTheShuckUp Tue 12-Feb-13 08:43:01

I have a friend like this. I hardly see her anymore. Life is too short to be a glorified taxi service

DeafLeopard Tue 12-Feb-13 08:56:44

The non-drivers on these threads are always the appreciative generous types who don't take their friends for granted and try to reciprocate in some way.

However the OP is NBU as there are some people who are entitled and expect everyone to run round after them, as illustrated in the OP and others.

PurpleStorm Tue 12-Feb-13 09:04:12

Agree that you should just say no, or find some reason to not give her a lift if it's bothering you.

Adversecamber Tue 12-Feb-13 09:19:54

A non driver like the op mate would really get the thread going. It's almost a shame only non driving reasonable types comment.

I have a few friends and colleagues that do not drive, all are reasonable and polite bar one. She is however a user in every sense, lifts, money, friends when she wants something.

HecateWhoopass Tue 12-Feb-13 09:44:11

If she's your friend, why can't you tell her that you find her assumption that you'll transport her a bit presumptuous and while you're not expecting her to fall to her knees in gratitude, you'd prefer it if she didn't command you and treat you like a taxi.

Maryz Cote D'Ivoire Tue 12-Feb-13 10:02:39

I have a houseful of teenagers and I'm very tired of them expecting lifts. I am a glorified taxi service angry.

I do think that friend-to-friend favours need to go both ways. And it is a favour to give someone a lift, even if you are passing their house. You have to wait for them, you have to change what you are listening to, you can't suddenly decide not to go, you can't have a drink when out.

But some people seem to think that it is your duty to pick them up if you are passing, which does make me cross.

atthewelles Tue 12-Feb-13 10:09:46

YANBU. I don't mind giving lifts to people but it does annoy me when certain non drivers seem to think nothing is too much trouble for a driver, or don't appreciate how much they're adding on to your journey by expecting you to drop them home every evening from a class or whatever.

Very easy to say 'well, just tell them you're not giving them a lift anymore' but that's easier said than done.

Who are all these entitled people?

I don't drive, I use public transport or taxis or (shockingly for some) my own legs to get about. I can't remember a time I've not been able to get somewhere and I live in a semi-rural village with a crap bus service and 1 train an hour to the nearest cities.

If I am offered lifts I either pay for parking or drinks or cake. If this is refused then I find another way to slip the driver something as a thank you (with my lovely friends I have to be creative sometimes!)

nicelyneurotic Tue 12-Feb-13 10:25:16

Yanbu. I don't drive and would never ask, how rude!

A few years ago a couple of my friends would regularly ask my husband for lifts home, even if miles out of our way. One of the friends drove but just always wanted to drink. After one night when we dropped two friends home (who both demanded a lift) it added an hour to our 40 minute drive home. We said no once or twice after that as was getting annoying and the requests gradually stopped.

twitchycurtains Tue 12-Feb-13 10:32:58

I don't drive, but I never expect anyone to give me lifts or pick me up all the time. Where are all these super annoying entitled people that everyone is talking about?! Get some new friends and stop tarring everyone with the same brush. In my experience my driver friends get annoyed with me when I can't participate in some of the activities they would like to do eg exercise classes in the evening or adult ed classes in out of the way areas because there aren't any buses going to that area
or there are no late buses for my journey home. Theyoffer lifts but I normally refuse because if I cant walk or bus it then I rather not do something than become reliant on someone else taking me- driver friends just don't get it.

atthewelles Tue 12-Feb-13 10:53:37

No one's tarring everyone with the same brush Twitchy. We are just complaining about certain non drivers who take drivers for granted and expect to be given lifts everywhere. And some of these people do exist.

Nancy66 Tue 12-Feb-13 10:58:35

Worse still are the ones you offer a lift to and then, when you arrive at their place to pick them up, they're not ready and make you late.

anonacfr France Tue 12-Feb-13 11:27:51

One of my friends got his colleague to drive him to work every morning because he didn't want to waste money on the work carpark.
He never offered any petrol money. His argument being that his colleague drove past his house on his way to work anyway so didn't use up extra petrol.

His wife (newborn in tow) had to collect him from work every night and on the rare occasion his colleague couldn't make it also had to drop him off at 7 in the morning (again with newborn).
It went on for 2 years. Until they moved.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Tue 12-Feb-13 11:33:05

My close friend doesnt drive, and most of the time automatically thinks im gonna give her a lift, now since its 11 miles between her house and mine. if i dont wanna give her a lift, then i dont, if i feel like it i will.

atthewelles Tue 12-Feb-13 11:33:26

Worse still are the ones you offer a lift to and then, when you arrive at their place to pick them up, they're not ready and make you late. Quote

That really annoys me. If someone is picking me up I am ready at least five minutes early and keep an eye out of the window for the car. People who expect you to come in and wait for fifteen minutes while they finish their make up, look for their bag, give last minute instructions to the kids etc .... angry

Jules666 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:12:14

I don't think it's that some non drivers are entitled just that some people are entitled. Some of them happen to be non drivers so expect others to give them lifts. I know two people who are entitled and even though they drive still prefer someone else to give them lifts as apparently they 'don't like driving'.

ByTheWay1 Tue 12-Feb-13 12:52:11

Can I give it from the other way too - I don't drive - I get pretty much everywhere by bus (lucky to live in the suburbs I know)....... For our Christmas do - out of town - I arranged a lift with hubby - but friend says -"I drive past you to get there anyhow.." so I graciously accept a lift planning to buy the first drink.

She turned up 30 min later than arranged, so we arrived late - everybody else there - I say "Sorry we are late" and she errupts - "well I WAS giving you a lift, but if you are going to be that ungrateful......" as if I couldn't have or hadn't already made my own arrangements and she was doing me the hugest favour around.... I can't win.....

StickEmUp Tue 12-Feb-13 13:01:17

I only recently got my driving lisence and before that I LOVED getting the bus!
I was always bussing it everywhere and found I am just as independant then as I was now.
I never expected lifts.

That said, I do enjoy things like, I have a friend who I have dinner with and I pick him up from work, well out of the way, go to his and he serves a meal.

He would serve one even if I didnt offer, and if I didnt wouldnt moan.

You need to speak to this friend if it really does your head in.

It is annoying not to get a thank you.
But I do not like getting lumped as a non driver, when I wasn't I mean, as I never expected anything.

I loved getting the bus with my ipod on and chilling out.

Helltotheno Tue 12-Feb-13 13:01:24

YANBU to be frustrated OP, but YABU not to do/say anything about it. A user is a user, period, whether it's about driving or something else.

Take action.

LemonBreeland Tue 12-Feb-13 13:09:41

The comment of someone will have to give me a lift should have been met with. No someone doesn't have to give you a lift, but if they are kind they may offer.

She sounds like a complete bitch and I don't think I could not say anything.

stormforce10 Tue 12-Feb-13 13:25:30

YANBU. I do not drive. I am lucky as I have friends who will often offer me lifts but I hate asking. From time to time I will ask - eg dd was invited to a party rcently that would have been at least a £40 round taxi ride or 7 hour round trip by bus so I asked her friends mum if she'd mind taking her too and offered petrol money (that wasn't accepted)

Tell your friend that she could use buses, taxis, walk or wait to be offered a lift. If she goes on about not being able to afford public transport put the costs of running a car in front of her - petrol, depreciation, insurance, tax and parking.

Next time say "oh I think I'd like to drink that night, would you be able to pick me up as you come by in your taxi please?" and see how she takes it. Its the same thing to be honest

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Tue 12-Feb-13 13:51:19

I had a friend a bit like that but it came to an abrupt end when she had her second baby and realised that her & her two dc's wouldn't fit in the car with me and my two dc's. grin

2rebecca Germany Tue 12-Feb-13 13:51:27

When I didn't drive I then had more money to spend on taxis as running a car is expensive. I also cycled more. The nondriving friends probably save at least £1000 a year by not driving (often nearer £2500). You can get alot of taxis with that.
If you don't want to give someone a lift just say it's not convenient, or drop the exercise class for a while if you can't do that and restart on a different day, or start cycling to the class.

LisasCat Tue 12-Feb-13 13:58:41

I used to have a colleague like Tulahoob's. Two university interns joined my company and moved into a house up the road from me. I offered to drive them in (foolishly, with hindsight) and the arrangement was they had to be at mine by 8am. I didn't ask for petrol money (although it would have been nice to have some small gesture of gratitude).
All started well, then they started arriving a bit after 8. I could tell it was the boy's fault, as the girl was so profusely apologetic, and everything about their work ethic indicated she was the dedicated one, he was the 'cruiser'. I don't know why she didn't just leave without him, but I guess she didn't want confrontation.
Eventually, after I'd been late several mornings in a row, I told them I had a very important meeting the next day, had to be on time, would be leaving at 7.55 with or without them.
Of course they weren't there at 7.55, so I left. They arrived at work late, she was almost crying with anxiety, he made some ridiculous joke that basically implied it was my fault they were late.
I did the same the next day. And the next. The third day she turned up alone, I gave her a lift, he got the bus and was late. That was pretty much the routine for the rest of their placement.
I often think back to them and really, really hope she came out of uni and got a great job, while he ended up doing some menial, deadend, soul-destroying job. But I just bet it was the other way around. Life's a bit crap in that way.

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