AIBU to use the disabled toilet at the restaurant today??

(80 Posts)
clumsyoaflike Mon 11-Feb-13 20:10:34

Okies, am 41+3 with severe SPD (also crippled in pain after major back surgery 18 months ago) + I have two broken bones in my left foot after falling down the stairs Friday just gone so am pretty immobile atm. I had a sweep this morning and on the MWs suggestion decided to try and have a walk (shuffle) round the shops. I really couldn't cope so DP took me to the Toby for some lunch before returning to the sofa. The male/female toilets are up a windy flight of stairs so I asked the waitress if I was allowed to use the disabled one (downstairs) and she said that this was ok. I was only in there for literally 5 mins and when I left a lady started shouting at me that I am a young fit woman (I had only opened the door so she didn't see me shuffling). I was in bits, left my dinner, paid and went home.

I only use my stairs at home when I really have to and have been pretty much bed bound.

So should I have struggled with the stairs as I am NOT registered disabled and am a 30 year old woman??!!

manicinsomniac Mon 11-Feb-13 20:11:46

of course you weren't being unreasonable! You are currently disabled and the woman was a nosy bitch.

Mawgatron Mon 11-Feb-13 20:12:02

No, yanbu. You should have told the woman to piss off!

IAmLouisWalsh Mon 11-Feb-13 20:13:33

Silly old bag. YWNBU

MyThumbsHaveGoneWeird Mon 11-Feb-13 20:13:44

Of course YANBU. You should have told her to bog off.

FanFuckingTastic Mon 11-Feb-13 20:15:40

You are disabled right now, pay no attention. I have had to harden up to the angry people assuming that because I am young I can't be disabled, you mustn't let them get to you.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 11-Feb-13 20:15:43

Thing is you could have been a disabled bage holder and she was beng a cock for not knowing that lots of disabilities are not visible or obvious.

If you can't get to the loo due to its placement then you use one you can get to.
And you asked so yanbu.

Fairylea Mon 11-Feb-13 20:16:15

You are currently disabled. Of course you shouldn't have struggled with the stairs. Yanbu.

I'd have told her to bugger off too. You were not able to use the stairs, but despite this, not all disabilities are visible. I'd have gone into one... angry

deleted203 Mon 11-Feb-13 20:19:46

Of course YWNBU! I would have loudly stated my problems and asked her what the fuck it was to do with her! I'd have gone on to say that her attitude towards the disabled was disgraceful and how dare she speak to anyone like that. (I am a stroppy cow).

Altinkum Mon 11-Feb-13 20:22:19

I used to work at the toby, toby policy is that the disabled facilities are not only for those with a disability. Toby doesn't class their toilets as disabled toilets, they class them as easy accessible.

Clearly I'd someone disabled needed them, then they would take priority.

YANBU.

WilsonFrickett Mon 11-Feb-13 20:25:56

She was a rude witch. Please don't even give her another thought and send DH out for chips

LittleChimneyDroppings Mon 11-Feb-13 20:27:41

You should have told her to fuck off and mind her own business.

GrimmaTheNome Mon 11-Feb-13 20:30:18

YANBU. Sorry your lunch was ruined by this nasty woman.

clumsyoaflike Mon 11-Feb-13 20:30:19

Thanks guys - I was mortified as am normally a fit healthy girl (bar back surgery)and walking up the stairs = burning off calories to me :-) I am already an mess being so overdue & in so much pain & then to break my foot :-( The woman was in a wheelchair although wheelchair was at her table (so she was as mobile as me). I would never abuse disabled facilities but could see her point of view as I had seen several able bodied people using this toilet BUT this had nothing to do with me. All I wanted was a wee :-(

ILoveFrogs Mon 11-Feb-13 20:30:47

YANBU

I get this all the time, I have Crohn's and it's flaring quite badly atm so I always use the disabled toilet when available, when I need to go I urgently need to go and I'm in extreme pain, plus it's very embarrassing having to go in a quiet public toilet when there is other people in there…. the sounds aren't too pleasant shock Last week in Morrison's a woman made a snide remark to me, I just try to be as nice as I can, tell them I have crohn's and believe me it's pretty bloody debilitating!

cocoachannel Mon 11-Feb-13 20:35:17

How could she possibly judge whether you were disabled anyway, but I imagine your baby bump demonstrates you are not at your most mobile. Definitely not unreasonable. Good luck with the baby!

My sister, who is registered disable due to cerebral palsy, regularly gets shouted at for parking in disabled spaces, using disabled loos etc. because she is young and doesn't use any support to walk. The fact it is still difficult and painful most days is kit something people can see so they assume she is not entitled to her badge. She pretends to laugh it off hit effectively being called a fraud so often does get her down.

clumsyoaflike Mon 11-Feb-13 20:35:25

Exactly Ilovefrogs - just because these people were able bodied doesn't mean that there was nothing wrong with them & anyways, was none of my business.

ijustwant8hours Mon 11-Feb-13 20:36:01

I have UC so same as Ilovefrogs really! Have never had a snide remark though...

KateSpade Mon 11-Feb-13 20:37:03

Not at all, I used to get told to use the disabled all the time when I was queuing to use the ladies with my pram. I think I only did once when I was really desperate, but on the advice of the attendants!

Some people are horrible! Sorry it upset you op!

SirBoobAlot Mon 11-Feb-13 20:43:20

Of course not. It is an accessible toilet, and you couldn't get up the stairs.

You poor thing, I hope you feel better soon.

SecretNutellaFix Mon 11-Feb-13 20:48:32

Why did you leave your dinner, you dafty?

You had every right to use the Accessible toilet facilities, and had permission from staff as well. Have some hot chocolate and relax as much as you can this evening.

I hope your sweep has worked and you get to meet you new baby soon.

ethelb Mon 11-Feb-13 20:51:24

@ilovefrogs people with Crohns should be able to get a radar key to let them into locked disabled loos. Honestly, disabled loos are for people like you, I wouldn never feel the need to justify myself in your position.

buggerama Mon 11-Feb-13 21:01:24

I am a blue badge holder and universal user of disabled bogs. I have been abused too (both by toilets and in car parks). I give as good as I get now after years of being upset by them. Its my absolute pet hate. And 99% of the time its women in their 70s as well who question me. (that is a fact before anyone says I am being sexist and oldist)

Please dont be upset by some rude stranger, just be glad you dont know them. Let them be the one who is at home now complaining to their OH about seeing an able bodied young person using a disabled toilet today. Try to let it go, dont let this person upset you any further. Of course you were entitled to use the toilet - without question.

I bet your SPD goes as soon as you have the baby, mine did for all 3 pregnancies

WilsonFrickett Mon 11-Feb-13 21:14:38

I felt really crampy and uncomfortable after the sweep too, so that probably won't be making you feel any better. ((hugs))

Floggingmolly Mon 11-Feb-13 21:16:32

What a ratbag. I always used these when I had a buggy with me, I refused to lock a loo door and leave the buggy outside. I was never told off by anyone, but I would certainly have deserved to be a hell of a lot more than you did.

Dawndonna Mon 11-Feb-13 21:19:31

I have colitis. When I need to go, I need to go. My dd is a wheelchair user, we've been accused of her nicking her chair for show before now, just so that we could use the loo!
Just ignore some people.

Ilovefrogs
The Crohns and Colitis group used to issue a card to explain to folk. Don't know if they still do. Might be worth checking out.

I have Ehlers-Danlos and IBS and funny blood pressure (need to get up slowly at at times), sometimes I need to use the disabled loos just for the handle to pull myself up properly.

I've had a couple of times where I've had comments but I just ignore it now.

If you need to use them, you need to use them! YANBU.

Also, I agree it's always elderly people that the grief normally comes from.

PurpleStorm Mon 11-Feb-13 21:33:52

YANBU.

From the sound of it, you're temporarily disabled because of the SPD, back pain and broken foot.

Hopefully you'll be feeling better soon.

Whitewineformeplease Mon 11-Feb-13 21:37:46

Op, don't give this woman another thought. I had SPD as well, the last few weeks were awful! Soon you'll be holding your little baby in your arms and it'll all be worth it! And like previous posters, mine went away after the birth as well. smile

rainbow2000 Mon 11-Feb-13 21:48:58

People like that annoy me ,i would have got the person who told you it was alright to use it.It would have shut her up.

almostanotherday Mon 11-Feb-13 21:56:27

YANBU

FanFuckingTastic Mon 11-Feb-13 22:28:33

Aye, nobody is to know what your disability is.

I have mobility issues, but I also have massive undercarriage issues too, they can cause urgency and also difficulty going, and at worst I have passed out with the pain, so if I use the toilet even on a good mobility day, I still feel perfectly entitled to do so.

Also, my continence is sometimes compromised (great way of saying I piss myself) and I need to change and clean up in privacy.

Or I have a debilitating round of nausea and spend ten minutes over a toilet until it passes and I am safe to not barf all over everyone.

I have started holding my head up high and just politely saying, you have no idea of my disability and no right to comment, mind your own business thank you. Don't even explain it. Hmph!

fallon8 Mon 11-Feb-13 22:30:17

My disabilities aren't visible,I use them all the time,,next time if it happens,challenge them on their right of use

ariane5 Mon 11-Feb-13 22:34:32

YANBU at all.

You are currently 'disabled' and were perfectly entitled to use the disabled loo.

Ignore the stupid woman who had a go at you.I have 4 disabled dcs and know how unkind people can be-we often get the 'look' or questioned as dcs 'look ok' if we use a disabled loo or heaven forbid park in a disabled space.

Try to forget about it you should not be made to feel bad when you did nothing wrong.

MERLYPUSS Mon 11-Feb-13 22:41:01

I use the disabled loo when I am with the kids if there is no queue. Technically, I am disabled but do not look so and have no reason to use these facilities other than I can fit all 3 of us in 1 loo at the same time. And probably quicker for those waiting as boys use the loo at same time. "Don't cross the beams".

QueenofPlaids Mon 11-Feb-13 22:46:01

YANBU

I am extremely fit...and have UC so carry a radar key.

When I'm okay, I use the normal loos. When I'm not I make no apology for using the disabled. I have little shame however and have suggested to a commenter before that they wouldn't like the alternative grin

tiggytape Mon 11-Feb-13 22:51:59

YANBU - Apart from it being very obvious that you are almost completely immobile (if she'd given you a chance to get out the door), there are many disabled people who look wonderfully fit and healthy and are entitled to use disabled toilets.

Does she really expect people to stand in the toilet doorway and explain to her their continence issues or the CF that affects dietry and toileting needs or their child's autism that makes hand dryers an impossibility?

plum100 Mon 11-Feb-13 22:57:06

Yanbu!!!

I am not disabled but will use the disabled cubicle if all the others are full - whats the point of leaving it empty when there is noone waiting for it?

MERLYPUSS Mon 11-Feb-13 23:01:21

Oh yes! I forgot the hand dryers. My DT1 hates them. Another reason to use the disabled loo. I can police them then.

PuffPants Mon 11-Feb-13 23:02:47

I thought disabled loos were for people who use wheelchairs? That's why they're wider? I'm not convinced that every disability - visible or not - requires access to a wider loo or immediate availability does it?

Is just being desperate to go enough of a reason to jump in there? Like, reeelly desperate? Or feeling sick? Or having children in tow?

Just wondering... Is it always the case that people with disabilities requiring the disabled loo cannot wait in a queue? What if there's a genuinely disabled person in there already?

QueenofPlaids Mon 11-Feb-13 23:07:46

Puffpants: yes primarily they are wider for wheelchair access, but not just thix. That acknowlged, when you have a UC flare you literally cannot wait. It is usually easiest to let myself into a disabled loo than explain my invisible medical condition to a bunch of randoms and hope they'd rather let me skip the queue than crap myself....

My doctor recommended the radar key.

OxfordBags Mon 11-Feb-13 23:09:24

PG women are legally allowed to use any toilet, so even if you were at the peak of physical fitness, YWNBU to use the disabled loo.

Unfortunately, being disabled doesn't mean that person isn't as cunty as any able-bodied person.

plum100 Mon 11-Feb-13 23:14:40

Yes puff / dissbled people can queue too x

FanFuckingTastic Mon 11-Feb-13 23:21:34

Well, having accessibility is great, and on wheelchair days I definitely appreciate my Radar key, but I think that you are misunderstanding the impact of some of the illnesses that are disabling.

The pain from needing to go, and not, is very intense and can if left make me vomit or fall in a faint to the floor. Or wet myself, which I try to only do when it really is the only option, of course having stress incontinence and a cystocele, with chronic bladder inflammation and UTI infections galore don't always make that easy. It's not just the feeling of desperation, you see.

The nausea is very disorientating, think vertigo with some really intense morning sickness in there. Smells, movement, noises, it all makes it worse. Can hit out of nowhere. Usually pretty bad when I have a UTI that's spreading up to the kidney.

I don't want people calling ambulances or fussing over me when I am doing something that happens to me regularly and I know doesn't need checked over, so I go use the disabled toilet and do it quietly and out of the public eye. You can also use the pull cord if you do happen to faint, and there is a lot more room so if you fall when you faint, you will be less likely to block to entrance or hurt yourself on something.

LayMizzRarb Mon 11-Feb-13 23:26:15

Puffpants. Not everyone who is disabled uses a wheelchair.
I need to use a disabled toilet as the have grab handles to hold onto so I can lower gently onto the seat.

And no, not every disabled person is going to be pissing themselves if they have to wait a minute or two. Maybe you can enlighten us with your definition of 'genuinely disabled'.

And please, I find it irritating, and slightly offensive when people use the expression 'registered disabled'. Registers are for sex offenders. My name is not on a a register anywhere on account of my disability. I did not have to register anywhere to get my Radar/NKS key in order to use accessible facilities.

somedayma Mon 11-Feb-13 23:28:21

YANBU. she was being a cunt. Hope you feel better soon

Valpollicella Mon 11-Feb-13 23:30:06

No Puff, they aren't just for wheelchair users

They are for those with additional needs. Be that an older child who might need changing, and so on. Or those who use wheelchaairs

MonthlyNeedsToTakeHerTime Mon 11-Feb-13 23:34:52

I'm in a wheelchair and would not have had a problem with you using the disabled toilet. Lots of old people use the disabled toilets, not because the can't walk far etc (some of them are quite spritely) but its the only toilet with a handrail for their poor balance. Surely no one would begrudge a very heavily pregnant woman using it, even if you didn't know they had spd.

Having recently sprained my ankle and being on crutches because of this, I went to go to the normal toilets in the local town centre. As I was about to make my way up the corridor to the ladies, I had a voice behind me ask if I wanted to use the disabled toilet instead - it was the cleaner who had noticed I was balancing on crutches and realised it would make life easier for me. I accepted with pleasure, it meant not fighting my way through 2 heavy fire doors or struggling in a relatively small cubicle (fine when without additions but tight when with crutches). I didn't need access due to being unable to wait, but due to the extra space and also the ability to support myself with the hand rails. Disabled? No. But in appreciation of a spacier toilet cubicle due to temporary mobility issues? Yes. And so it should be for anyone who needs to use them, on a temporary or permanent basis. And that is what I believe they are there for. For the use of people who struggle to access a normal toilet, no matter what the reason - noise, claustraphobia, accesssibility, or any other reason.

SaggyOldClothCatpuss Tue 12-Feb-13 00:14:48

I'd have told her to go fuck herself!

SirBoobAlot Tue 12-Feb-13 00:23:37

Puffpants - would you like someone outside disabled toilets checking that you are disabled enough to use them? Don't be such a knob. And that good old "what if there's a genuinely disabled person already in there" comment. Not that you hear it a lot from people who seem to think that disabled people get it easy having their own toilet, mind you.

If the biggest fucking perk in my health is that I get to carry around a big silver key, then count yourself lucky that you're not 21, in a wheelchair or on a stick, and can go from fine to passed out in pain / very close to shitting yourself in seconds.

PuffPants Tue 12-Feb-13 00:42:04

SirBoob and LayMis, I meant genuinely disabled as opposed to someone just nipping in because it's free.

Don't you be knobs either - deal? smile

LeoandBoosmum Tue 12-Feb-13 02:28:06

I would have given her a piece of my mind tbh. sad

sashh Tue 12-Feb-13 04:45:47

Okies, am 41+3 with severe SPD (also crippled in pain after major back surgery 18 months ago)

And you don't consider yourself disabled (even temporarily)?

These toilets should be renamed 'accessible' as that is what they are, you could not access the ladies so you used the toilet you could.

MummytoKatie Tue 12-Feb-13 07:15:06

Disabled toilets are often also the only one with baby changing in so you are going to spend a lot of time in them over the next few years. I've never had a problem though - I guess the presence of the small girl and buggy makes it obvious why we are using them.

We are potty training now so I get to use the proper toilets. grin

Although as dd is scared she'll fall down I have to hold her on and at 25 weeks crouching is getting harder so I think I'll need to go back to the disabled ones soon so there is space for me to sit on the floor. Not sure if that is right or wrong but it is the only way

MummytoKatie Tue 12-Feb-13 07:17:47

Aaaah posted too soon.

The only way my (quite long) legs will fit. On Sunday I had to sit in a regular toilet as dd was taking her time and I couldn't crouch any longer and there just wasn't anywhere to put my legs!

SunflowersSmile Tue 12-Feb-13 07:41:35

Oh I wish you had mentioned to staff what a bitch she had been so they could embarrass her.
Sorry your meal was ruined but be glad you are not such an ignorant, unpleasant person as this woman.

PandaOnAPushBike Tue 12-Feb-13 09:06:57

YANBU

If it makes you feel any better, the same thing happened to me in Ikea on Saturday and I am disabled. Some people just ooze anger and have to find an outlet, if even when they're wrong.

Of course, if all toilets were built a little wider, and on the ground floor (or every floor in shopping centres etc), then more of them would be accessible.

I don't understand why we have 'normal' and 'disabled' toilets. I'd rather see accessible facilities wherever I go. They surely can't take up that much more room? Or be that much more expensive to build?

Say this as I have several friends with disabilities (visible and invisible), and it just bothers me...

MERLYPUSS Tue 12-Feb-13 09:30:07

LayMizz
I was told I was on the local register when I applied for my blue badge 20 yrs ago and as such would be 'registered' as disabled if the need for council housing arose. It would mean I would be ahead on the list above someone without disabilities. Sorry for any offence caused.
I think perhaps disabled loos should be renamed to acessable loos and be there for families too. My OH hates taking the 2 boys in the gents as he says it generally stinks. With a double buggy in tow I always chose the disabled loo for acessability rather than leave the kids alone in a corridor outside the main loos.
That is not to say I do not use the ordinary loos when 'I have the kids in tow', it is just much quicker not to.

WeAreEternal Tue 12-Feb-13 09:33:52

I was very overdue with DS (2w6d) two days before I finally gave birth (so 2w4d OD) my sister and some friends took me out for a 'sorry your still a whale and very uncomfortable and misrable' lunch.

My pregnancy had been perfect but in the last few weeks I was huge and uncomfortable, and when DS engaged (if that's the right term) walking was agony, it literally felt like my pelvis was being held together with a rubber band, and ever step I took I could feel it cracking and rubbing, it was horrible. it would have be obvious to anyone watching me walk that I was in pain.

The restaurant that we went to has its toilets up two flights of stairs, they are wide large stairs and I don't think I could have made it even if I tried, so asked the waitress if it was ok to use the disabled, after giving her a brief explanation of my situation. She said it was absolutely fine.

I use the toilet twice. The second time I was coming out a older woman marched across the restaurant and grabbed me by the arm, she started shouting that I was a selfish, lazy woman and that being pregnant doesn't entitle me to use the disabled toilets as they are for disabled people, not lazy fat people. She said she had watched me use the disabled toilets twice and she thought that I was absoloutly disgusting, and that I was occupying the facilites so that genuinely disabled people could not use them (nether time was there anyone else waiting)
I tried to explain that I wasn't able to walk up the stairs and that the waitress said it was ok, but she just carried on shouting it me and I burst into tears.
She ranted on for about five minutes while I sobbed, eventually my friends came looking for me (they were sitting in another area do couldn't see/hear) also two members of staff came over to see what was going on.
The woman tried to demand that I was punished for using the disabled facilites when I was clearly not disabled, just fat and lazy.
The waitress burst out laughing, and said that I was clearly not fat and lazy but extremely pregnant and suffering the affects. But the woman wouldn't have any of it and refused to accept that I was allowed to use the disabled toilets.
After we returned to our table we could hear her ranting away to her friends about me.

WeAre - If I'd have been the waitress I'd have kicked the mealy-mouthed woman out!

MadHairDay Tue 12-Feb-13 09:47:32

WeAre - there are some startlingly ignorant people around. How did she know you didn't have a disability as well, in any case?

OP - YANBU. You have SPD, you have broken bones. You are temporarily disabled.

To the poster who goes into disabled toilets 'because they're empty and there's a queue at the others' - YABVU.

I've had looks, but have learned to tune them out. I sometimes use disabled access toilets because I'm having a bad day with my disability (lung disease), so I can't stand in a queue. If there's no queue I use the ladies. But no one should judge because no one knows what is going on with a person.

WeAreEternal Tue 12-Feb-13 10:31:51

I think it is disgusting how people can just assume that you do not have a disability because you 'look' healthy.

I was mostly offended by the fact that she repeatedly (at least 10 times) called me fat and lazy. I wouldn't have minded but I was a size 8 at the time and apart from my masive (obviously a) baby bump I though I had kept my figure quite well.

The waitress did say to the woman that she was being very out of order and that if she didn't go back to her table she would have to ask her to leave immidiatly as verbal abuse was not tolorated, which is when she stopped and went back to her table, but I don't think the woman thought she was at all in the wrong.

Flobbadobs Tue 12-Feb-13 10:47:33

YANBU, silly rude cow should have minded her own business!
Not all are like that though, the first time I went out with all 3DC's on my own an older disabled lady offered to let me in the disabled loo with her radar key as I had a pram. I refused as it was only the only DC's who needed it and they're old enough to go in on their own but I was rather touched by the offer. I thought it might have been against the rules too... grin

Flobbadobs Tue 12-Feb-13 10:48:09

Older DC's.. Got carried away with the only's there...

mrsjay Tue 12-Feb-13 10:49:53

you are disabled at the moment of course YANU to have used the disabled toilet, I hope your baby comes soon smile

mrsjay Tue 12-Feb-13 10:50:56

and there is no such thing as 'registered disabled'

Floggingmolly Tue 12-Feb-13 10:52:02

shock. WeAreEternal. She demanded you were punished????
grin. Did she specify what form this was to take??? They should have sent for the men in white coats.

You are heavily pregnant, overdue aswell as having spd, which is a disability.
Yanbu, the woman was very rude and unreasonable-Has she never heard of hidden disabilities???

It was very prejudice of her to assume you being in your 30s as a reason for you not to be disabledconfused
Some people have their judgey pants hoiked well and truly up their bum cracksgrin, unfortunetly op came across one of those today.

YouOldSlag Tue 12-Feb-13 11:04:07

Op you are totally YANBU. Who are these crazed people who think it is their job to

1) ask why you are using it and
2) make a judgement call on whether that's "serious" enough.

Your medical condition is nobody's bloody business. It's time we were ruder to people who cannot understand that disabled doesn't mean you have to be in a wheelchair.

If I saw a pregnant woman coming out of a disabled toilet I wouldn't question it. I had SPD and it was really horrible. I had to shuffle everywhere as if my ankles were tied together. Stairs were agony.

WeAreEternal- I'm not a nasty woman but the woman who shouted at you and asked for you to be punished should have been yelled at right back and asked to leave the premises. Shame on her. She should be embarrassed with herself.

LadyBigtoes Tue 12-Feb-13 11:15:47

YANBU! Of course you can use the disabled when you have SPD. Not only that, I use them all the time when I'm with DD, on the basis that I need space to help a toddler use the toilet. I check first if anyone who needs it more is hoving into view and if not I nip in. Otherwise it's very rarely used. By using it you free up space in the other toilets. If it turned out I had held someone disabled up I would apologise profusely but it's never happened.

Plus, there are many reasons why someone might validly use it that aren't visible - eg colostomy bag, claustrophobia.

Also I had a blind friend who would always use it, he didn't really need to but he said it was provided for him to have privacy and space and why not? I agree with him.

The lady was a miserable cow IMO and it probably affected you more because you're PG and unwell. Perfect your comeback for next time. "I'm sorry, didn't you notice my prosthetic leg/arse/head?"

Catchingmockingbirds Tue 12-Feb-13 11:22:35

She was BU for declaring you were healthy and didn't need to use the disabled toilets when she had no idea of your circumstances.

I take my 6 year old son to the disabled toilets and he looks very healthy (especially as he won't stay still for 2 minutes!). He has an ASD and the noise of the hand driers in the public toilets cause him to scream in pain. He also can't handle busy crowds or queues so couldn't cope in a busy toilet and could have a meltdown. If there's anything on the floor such as toilet roll or water then he'll get distressed and will need me to help him get to the toilet to use it.

I've only been challenged once, by a security guard at a big event, and I stood my ground and explained that his disability isn't visible and it was resolved. Afterwards I questioned if it was maybe worth just taking him to a public toilet so asked his clinical psychologist and his occupational therapist but they both agreed that he needed to use the disable toilet.

JenaiMorris Tue 12-Feb-13 11:27:48

I'm not sure what I think about cards and whatnot issued by support organisations for people with hidden illnesses. If I see someone using the disabled loo I just assume they have their reasons - I wouldn't dream of asking someone to justify it!

I can see they'd be handy if you needed to use a non-public toilet somewhere but other than that, who they hell do people think they are?

Can I ask a question though - we have gazillions of disabled loos at work - one per office (there's probably about 50 desks per office, which are rarely all occupied at the same time). We also have (ahem) bog standard loos in stalls. One of my colleagues (who indeed has issues walking) is continually complaining about other people using the disabled loo. If someone is in it when she wants to use it, she makes a point of slowly making her way to the non-disabled bogs along the corridor. Is she being U? I'm never quite sure; she does make a right song and dance of struggling along and I'm quite certain she hams it up.

JenaiMorris Tue 12-Feb-13 11:38:16

God I sound like a right cow. And I'm going to get flamed. She does suffer and I sympathise, but she'll shuffle along in an even more shuffly manner than usual, and 9/10 times she hasn't even made it to the corridor before the disabled loo is free again. Maybe she shuffles more than usual because she's desperate for the loo and isn't making a dramatic gesture after all. blush

elliejjtiny Tue 12-Feb-13 12:06:44

Jenai My DS2 will put on an exaggerated limp if we go on a double decker bus and I decide it will be easier to fold the wheelchair rather than wait for the next bus. He can walk to a seat on the bus fine as long as I carry him up the steps.

OP YANBU. I have a disabled DS who uses a wheelchair if he needs to walk further than 100 yards or so and I would have had no problem with you using the disabled loo. In fact if I'd seen you trying to get up the stairs I would have suggested you use the disabled loo and told the old lady where to go as well.

weare I think the old lady should have been punished asked to leave

sashh Tue 12-Feb-13 12:07:50

and 9/10 times she hasn't even made it to the corridor before the disabled loo is free again. Standing for me is much worse than walking.

Also if I have to walk further then I know I have to walk further back and that may make me move more slowly.

She could be putting it on. But if there really are a gazillion then there should be one free.

JenaiMorris Tue 12-Feb-13 12:18:20

sashh I feel a bit of an arse now. Sometimes it takes getting something out to realise your thoughts are possibly way off the mark. Or at least it does with me. Hope I've not offended anyone blush

Just to fully out myself for the prejudiced individual I am, I once assumed a v.nice roadster was illegally parked in a disabled bay. Because of course disabled people don't drive cool cars hmm

badtime Tue 12-Feb-13 12:28:01

Some people have no consideration for what a disability might be.

I can merrily bound to the toilet, but in some places the cubicles are so small that my OCD and anxiety go pretty damn wild (I. Can't. Help. Touching. Things!!! because of the lack of space) so I have to use the more spacious disabled cubicle. I have never been called on it, but I know I would say in response 'no, actually, I'm mad, and that's a disability'.

You are currently disabled, just as someone with a broken leg would be, regardless of your general health.

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