to expect this from my almost 9 year old?

(70 Posts)
joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 18:35:15

My son is a few days away from turning 9. This is what I expect him to do in a day:

Morning
Get out of bed
Get dressed for school
Pull duvet up
Pull up blind
Turn light off
Put any dirty clothes outside his room (ideally next to washing machine but pigs would fly before that happened)
Eat breakfast
Put bowl in dishwasher
Clean teeth
Put shoes/coat on
Get school bag ready with whatever he needs for the day
Be ready to leave at 7.50

Afternoon/Evening
Spend 10 minutes practicing his guitar (he gets no other homework)
Put plate in dishwasher after eating.
Stop playing on screen once his 30 mins are up (that is our agreed time limit during the week)
Shower (he doesn't have to do this daily)
Hang up towel after shower
Clean teeth
Get into bed when it's time to go to sleep

General
Tidy up a room if he's made a mess in it
Put any wrappers in the bin
Occasionally feed HIS cat when I am busy

Is this too onerous a list for an 8/9 year old? Because my will to live is being sucked out due to the constant reminding/nagging that it takes. I have explained that if he doesn't do these things, he loses that day's screen time. But it always ends up in an argument. It is doing my head in. So before I go nuclear/send him to boarding school, can you tell me if I am being unreasonable with these things? Is this too much for a boy his age to do? Seriously.

moogalicious Mon 11-Feb-13 18:37:51

All that without nagging? Good luck with that one grin

DD1 (10yo) will now load the dishwasher without nagging. That's it.

Euphemia Mon 11-Feb-13 18:38:46

Maybe a visual reminder would help? A list of what he needs to do, and when - maybe it's overwhelming for him to remember all that?

I don't think you are unreasonable in your expectations of what he does, but maybe there are ways to help him get through the list.

moogalicious Mon 11-Feb-13 18:38:57

Actually, I don't nag - I only have to tell her once to be fair. But I still have to tell her iyswim.

ewaczarlie Mon 11-Feb-13 18:39:12

Doesn't seem unreasonable but also not surprised he forgets. Does he have a good old chart to follow so there can be no forgetting?

Hulababy Mon 11-Feb-13 18:40:33

Visual reminder/list on inside of his wardrobe to help him remember?

Euphemia Mon 11-Feb-13 18:40:47

There are editable visual timetable resources here.

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 18:41:18

he doesn't have a chart but I think I will make one. The weird thing is, his younger brother by 18 months manages to do most of this without issue. And if he forgets, I simply say: did you put your light off? And he says: oh, no - and he goes and does it whereas 9 year old starts ranting and raving as though I've just asked him to fly to the moon and back, when I ask him to do the same sodding things EVERY DAY

Andro Mon 11-Feb-13 18:43:08

Perfectly reasonable in my opinion. With the exception of guitar (because she doesn't learn it!) and teeth cleaning being supervised, my 5yo DD does everything you have listed - I double check the book bag though!

DS (9) does everything you have listed and a lot more besides (without being asked).

thesnootyfox Mon 11-Feb-13 18:43:29

I feel your pain.

Ds1 is 8.6, he still seems so young and I am constantly nagging at him to the simplest of tasks like wash his hands and put his clothes into the laundry basket. I recently linked basic chores to his pocket money in the hope that this would motivate him. He was full of good intentions but there hasn't really been an improvement. He is constantly in a world of his own. Even walking down the road he is playing out imaginary battles in his head and not concentrating.

Euphemia Mon 11-Feb-13 18:43:35

Now the ranting is a different issue - that's the hormones! You have a few more years of that to look forward to! grin

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 18:43:54

thanks Euphemia.

And Andro - that's kind of what I think he should be doing

NorbertDentressangle Mon 11-Feb-13 18:44:09

Your list is about the same as I'd expect from my 8yo so it seems fair enough.

However thats not saying that my DS will do all of those things without a degree of nagging prompting.

It never ceases to amaze me that despite 8 years of getting up in the morning routine involving 1. Getting dressed 2. Brushing teeth, DS can still 'forget' what it is hes supposed to do after breakfast.

calandarbear Mon 11-Feb-13 18:44:38

YANBU my 6 and 3 year olds do most of that, they don't play on screen or practise instruments but 6 year old practises kickboxing, 3 year old ballet. As 3 year old is home while I'm cleaning she helps polish abd likes to move wet washing from the washer to the dryer.

toldmywrath Mon 11-Feb-13 18:47:06

I would be amazed if your almost 9yr old did this without nagging .
How do you manage it? I had a constant battle with all mine & they are now in the 20's and when they visit/stay I have to remind them of loading dishwasher, beds NEVER made!

ElsieMc Mon 11-Feb-13 18:47:58

Wow, I can't get my 21 year old to do that when she is home from Uni. My 9 year old and 7 year old boys are better, they can achieve most of your list.

PandaNot Mon 11-Feb-13 18:48:45

My dc 5 and 8 do all that. It's just routine so they need reminders but there isn't anything on that list they can't do.

TeeBee Mon 11-Feb-13 18:50:28

Not unreasonable, I expect as much from my two. However, what has helped me is a laminated list that is put on the fridge. They have to complete their jobs before they can have screen play (as this is what they like to do). They also have to have all jobs done 10 minutes before they are due to leave the house. Automatic two day electronics ban if they don't cut it. Seems strict but it soooooo makes mornings more pleasant. My 7 year old gets it all done in 10 minutes, my eldest takes much longer but I don't get stressed because of the automatic ban ensures that he will rush it all with 10 minutes to go. Let them take responsibility. If they don't do it, then have a strong a relevant consequence, and don't budge on it.

toldmywrath Mon 11-Feb-13 18:51:21

ElsieMc smile

MrsKeithRichards Mon 11-Feb-13 18:57:00

About on par with my expectations for my 7 year old. He's receiving occupational therapy, suspected dcd (awaiting diagnosis) and has organisational issues. I have been using a reward chart type design but the occupational therapist is making us up a board with pictures of each stage on Velcro that he has to follow and take off when done.

Andro Mon 11-Feb-13 18:57:46

toldmywrath - DD copies her big brother, when it became clear she wanted to more on her own we helped her draw out a pictorial routine and she's followed it ever since (starting from doing 2 tings without prompting and building from there). DS is immaculate, he loves knowing that anything he wants is in it's correct place so everything is sided as soon as it is finished with. He'll offer to help with almost any household task...unless it involves glass/windows (longish standing issues, he won't even drink from a glass!). In truth, he's almost too neat and tidy for my comfort...I do worry about it sometimes.

I think that maybe any ranting and raving means 10 minutes lesson computer the following day. Don't enter into argument about it just - you either do it nicely without fuss or lose 10 mins computer time. then follow through when necessary

redskyatnight Mon 11-Feb-13 19:04:22

I expect my DC (8 and 7) to do all that.
Although it looks like a long list a lot of it should become automatic.

I think you do have to go through the pain of saying "what have you forgotten to do ..." over and over ad nauseam though.

lljkk Mon 11-Feb-13 19:05:53

None of mine would have done all that at that age without lots of reminders.

Give him a list. Tie privileges (like computer time) to getting the list items done in a certain time window. I think I would target certain times of day to stand over him until he does the jobs, and the routine is like breathing, then focus on another part of the day.

Don't compare to younger siblings. My 4yo likes to do his homework and fold his clothes. I know which child is the strange one.

My 8yo does not want to go to school, so he drags his feet on doing anything to do with that.

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 19:10:21

educatingarti - I agree with you. And I try this. And indeed stick with it. But the arguments are unreal. In fact a question for everyone with 9 year olds - is this when the puberty hormones start kicking in? Because he is beyond vile at present.

And the most irritating thing is that he argues every tiny point and never sees the big picture. For example, they're not allowed to eat in the 'grown up' sitting room but on Saturday he was watching something on tv in there and wanted to eat a bag of crisps. I said no. He nagged and begged and said he wouldn't mess. I said that he may not mess but he would leave the empty bag in there (like he always does wherever he is and whatever he's eating). Anyway, I agreed on the proviso that he cleared up after himself and proved to me that he wouldn't leave a mess.

Suffice to say that when my husband and I went in there several hours later, the empty crisp bag was lying on the floor. His father then told him to put it in the bin. He duly did.

Today we were having a discussion about doing what you say you will and I used the crisp bag as the example and said 'You never put the bag in the bin'. He then yelled and screamed saying 'He did'. Eventually I twigged on that what he meant was 'He did put it in the bin ......eventually'. So I said: 'Ok, you put it in the bin but only after I'd asked you to do it as you'd left it lying there for hours.' Cue him saying: 'You never asked me to do it.' I then had to correct myself and say: 'Ok, when daddy asked you to do it.'

By the time we'd ironed out the EXACT details, he'd completely missed the point of the conversation and I was ready to throttle him.

Could someone please give me some wine? tx

Andro Mon 11-Feb-13 19:24:31

wine

There you go, you sound like you need it.

Jandj - I'd try not to enter too much into the argument if you can possibly manage it. just "You didn't do what we agreed, the consequence is....." and walk away from the argument.

I do wonder whether you are getting in a bit of a negative cycle with him though. Dou you get positive time with him doing something fun?

ukatlast Mon 11-Feb-13 19:36:50

I think you are being a bit unreasonable. It all sounds very controlling. I would love it if my kids had done all that without being reminded/asked at 8/9 but I wouldn't expect it or even demand it.
The worst one though is the only 30 mins IT time - any parent who can enforce that is doing really well as I couldn't in a million years. What does he do after the 30 mins then?

Boys are genetically untidy and I too have a project to turn mine into 'easy partners' for today's girls but I wouldn't expect this perfection at age 9. Being more easy going will reduce the conflicts and stress for you - what does it matter if sth is on the bedroom floor for a couple of days? It's not your room etc etc .....chill a bit more, worse things happen at sea....

ukatlast Mon 11-Feb-13 19:41:01

Actually...another thought. If he did all that you want, you would hardly need to interact with him during the day/evening...just take himself to bed at the right time etc etc .....is he doing it (or rather not doing it) to get your attention...even the negative attention is better than feeling he doesn't get enough of your focussed attention...? Not saying this is the case, you may interact loads, just a possibility.

sukysue Mon 11-Feb-13 19:42:32

Crikey my dds aged 17 and 18 don't even do this much and that is woth nagging you got a good un there op! lol

Taffeta Mon 11-Feb-13 19:50:36

Not unreasonable to want him to do these things.

Unreasonable to expect him to do them all without nagging.

My 9 yo exactly the same, big on lip, small on action. Memory like a sieve for this kind of thing but amazing at spellings etc. And knowing when a football match is on etc. Funny, that. hmm

Nothing gets done within time frames unless screen or other privileges are withheld until tasks achieved. Unless I follow him round the house screeching at him continuously. Often he'll kick off with a baby tantrum if he feels I'm on at him.

Sometimes I chuck him out the front door in the cold to calm down of a morning. I find that tends to focus his mind on the tasks that need doing.

CoffeeandDunkingBiscuits Mon 11-Feb-13 19:51:45

I hear you on the crisp packet argument with the exact detail etc!!! My seven year old do that! Arghhhhhhhhhh!

Taffeta Mon 11-Feb-13 19:52:19

Oh and I'll join you in the wine

stickingattwo Mon 11-Feb-13 19:53:35

YANBU - most of it is just sorting himself out! Link it to pocket money, that helps. PLUS don't let him away with it cos he's a boy, if he was a girl you'd expect that and more. By that age I was doing that lot and had general household chores to do and ironed my own shirts etc My mum had the opinion that she wasn't a skivvy for the rest of us!

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 19:53:53

Thanks for the wine Andro.

Ukatlast - the reason we are doing 30 mins of screen time is because it was starting to be all they ever did. They'd get up in the morning and stare at the tv and not get ready. After school they'd come home and stare at an ipad/xbox/DS/Computer/TV and not do homework and not play with anything, even if I tried to get them to play a board game or go out and do something fun. So we've said 30 mins of screens after school (once homework is done) and then we will do something together - like play a game or read together. Or we could watch a film together and then it doesn't matter if it's longer than 30 mins as we're doing it together. They have more on weekends.

I was finding the permanent glue to the screen was making him even more aggressive.

Perhaps he is finding it too controlling, but what I've found with him is that he is bone idle so if you give an inch, he'll take a mile. So if I let him leave his bowl on the table today and I clear it (which to be honest I often have to do), then the next time he does it and I ask him to clear it, he says: Well I didn't have to do it last time.... or cue a major sigh and a sulk.

I want him to start learning that we're not all living in this house to serve him - he needs to pull his weight. But I know that he's only just about to be 9 so perhaps I have overly high expectations of him. hence the AIBU Q.

stickingattwo Mon 11-Feb-13 19:54:48

`ukatlast - ' boys are genetically untidy"? oh pur-lease...

thebody Mon 11-Feb-13 19:57:35

Please let me know when you master this one and let me know.

Oh hang on my dss have left home.

Failed miserably, better luck with dds ha ha ha.

Back to nagging then.

WilsonFrickett Mon 11-Feb-13 19:58:14

not an unreasonable list but an unreasonable memory test. You need to break it into check lists for him. Then when he forgets or goes off task, direct him back to the task list, don't argue or get into it, just say 'go and do your list please', turn your back and do something else. He's getting a lot of attention from you for doing the wrong things, you need to break that cycle and start giving him attention for the things he does well.

The crisp packet conversation - sounds like he's trying to verbally control the situation, my DS does this too. Again, don't get into it. 'You left the crisp packet and you had to be reminded, so I don't trust you to do x.' Then off and do something else. Don't let the situation escalate.

If you google visual timetables and that sort of thing you'll find some techniques that are used for children with autism and ADHD (I am not suggesting your DS has autism or ADHD!) but children who do can often have problems with organisation and planning, and the techniques used to help them can be adapted for any child who has issues in that area.

ukatlast Mon 11-Feb-13 20:02:12

OMG it's just a crisp bag...I think you are a tidy freak and your son isn't. I love a tidy house but am realistic that the others I share the house with aren't as tidy-minded as me.
Does he generally have organisational issues? Boys tend to grow out of these as they grow up ....if you don't make a big issue about it.

For instance I insist mine use plates for snacks because that means less hoovering is needed so it's about making my life easier but this is after many years of being realistic as in most kids make mess.

IME boys and men are genetically untidy as in they would happily live in a mess for much longer than I would. This is the realisation that made me get a cleaner when OH and I were both working fulltime but had no kids.
You are still too young if you haven't realised that men in general (with a few exceptions) tolerate mess much better than women. That's how men have always got women to wait on them since the year dot. I don't like it but I am afraid it is often the case. I am a feminist btw - hard to believe.

WilsonFrickett Mon 11-Feb-13 20:02:58

uk stop saying men and boys are genetically untidy, it really is bolleaux.

ukatlast Mon 11-Feb-13 20:04:40

I have had female friends who are also genetically untidy but its much rarer. They'd still crack in the mess before their boyfriends though.

ukatlast Mon 11-Feb-13 20:07:27

Sorry it's based on my life experience - I can think of less than 5 men who are tidy-freaks. I am not saying I like it..I don't but you waste too much energy fighting against it.
What does it matter if her son doesn't put his blind up before he goes to school?
The list reads like a Gina Ford for 9 year old boys.

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 20:09:07

Ukatlast - my husband is far, far tidier than me. I might see the crisp bag and sigh and wish DS would tidy up. Husband gets really unhappy about it and then gets grumpy with me that I am not insisting that the children keep things tidy.

We have had discussions about this in the past where I have pointed out that just because he seems to have OCD doesn't mean the rest of us have to be neat freaks.

But it's a simple rule that is fair enough: if you eat something/use something and it leaves behind something that should go in the bin, put it in the bin. Don't expect the fairies to do it for you. It is a rule we've had for ages. It just doesn't seem to go in to son's head.

So I disagree that men are genetically more prone to untidiness - because my DH certainly isn't

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 20:13:15

To be honest, it doesn't matter if the blind doesn't go up or the duvet isn't pulled up. I'd say 95% of the time this is NEVER done. The reason I like the blind to go up is so that they can see what they are doing and then turn the light off so that they aren't left burning all day. So there is a reason behind me wanting to do it (personally I hate the look of a house with the curtains closed all day - makes the whole place feel stale - but perhaps that's just my issue).

But they are two tiny jobs that I want him to start doing to take a bit of responsibility. I could drop them off his list but really didn't think that it would be so onerous.

I asked him this evening if he would find it useful to have a list on his door to help him remember what he has to do. He told me in no uncertain terms that HE WOULD NOT have a list like that up and if I put it up, he'd pull it down. Nice.

bedmonster Mon 11-Feb-13 20:21:12

I have DDs nearly 9 and 7. They do all those things on your list. However, I tend to prompt them along the way.
"Finished breakfast? What's next? Yep, hair and teeth, off you go please."
That's how the mornings go. When they get home they know to take their stuff off and put it away, but occasionally it gets overlooked in favour of something more interesting. It's understandable, but I veer them back to "shoes and coats away and get any letters out of your bags quickly then you can go and do xyz."
I think you are being a bit unrealistic to expect absolutely everything done without any little reminders. He is 8.
And with regards to the crisp wrappers, I wouldn't have let him eat in there. And wouldn't let him again with that attitude. I'm not OCD at all, wrappers frequently left all over the place here, but you have your own rules in place and he not only ignored them but got into an arguement about not putting it in the bin, which I find disrespectful seeing as you have very specific guidelines.

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 20:30:31

bedmonster - I do give them reminders. Exactly as you say: right, after breakfast, it's time for teeth etc. But his response to it all is to either ignore me or argue the point e.g. Why do I have to clean my teeth? They are MY teeth. Or, Why can't you clear our bowls away? Why do we have to do everything?

Trust me - he won't be eating in there again. It's a shame though because it was an occasion where I was trying to be more lenient, not trying to be massively dogmatic, and giving him the benefit of the doubt. But he just proved that he doesn't follow through with what he promises and will then argue till he's blue in the face about how I'm mean and he's right.

Someone up thread (apologies, can't remember who) said that he's getting too much negative attention and I need to break the cycle. Absolutely right. And I really do try to focus on the positives. But when I don't engage in arguments and simply state the issue/problem and move on, he either just ignores what he's supposed to do, or he follows me around saying that I'm mean for ignoring him. Sigh. To be honest he's been like this his entire life. I am just casting around for hormones as a reason at the moment. sad

GreatUncleEddie Mon 11-Feb-13 20:36:45

Puberty? Nine? No, not usually. First sign is enlarging of testes. No, thought not grin

Taffeta Mon 11-Feb-13 20:58:12

He IS my DS, op!

My wise old mum once said "challenging children make interesting adults". I cling onto that and the wine bottle

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 21:07:29

taffeta - let us drink together then. And I too shall cling onto that notion that challenging children make interesting adults.

Taffeta Mon 11-Feb-13 21:14:22

wine <chinks>

StuntGirl Mon 11-Feb-13 21:16:31

Hahahahahaha @ genetically untidy. Give over!

StuntGirl Mon 11-Feb-13 21:37:13

Right, read the rest of the thread now.

I would have been very annoyed with him saying he would pull the list down. Could you have a list for both kids, so he doesn't feel he's being 'picked on'? And link the list to treats/privileges? He might not like the list but he would probably like losing screen time/fun activities even less.

Permanentlyexhausted Mon 11-Feb-13 21:44:53

The two most overused phrases in our house:

DS(9) "STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO"

Me: "Well, if you just got on with it, I wouldn't have to keep telling you"

YANBU to expect a 9 year old to do that. YABU to expect hime to do it without nagging.

hillyhilly Mon 11-Feb-13 21:56:16

My 8 yr old dd does most of it with not much prompting now but every little step was met with resistance, especially taking her own dishes out to the kitchen after eating you would think that I'd asked her to prepare a three course banquet for us all!
She now does it without thinking and her little brother copies her.
Our current battle is asking her to lay the table, again apparently a huge and unfair ask. I don't know why some kids find it so hard to do anything for anyone else but mine is definitely one of those (sigh)

Taffeta Mon 11-Feb-13 21:57:37

2 most overused phrases here are

"You haven't brushed them properly, do them again. NOW."

And

" get your hands out of your pants please "

hmm

marriedinwhite Mon 11-Feb-13 22:01:10

Well I'm still trying to get my ds to put his bowls in the dishwasher, pull up his duvet, pick up his pants, put the top on the toothpaste, go to bed and especially to be ready to leave on time. He's only 18 though - so I try not to nag to much --he's driving his dad mad by using his razor and dd's driving me made by using mine. grin

joshandjamie Mon 11-Feb-13 22:02:09

weep (marriedinwhite)

melrose Mon 11-Feb-13 22:16:23

I have recently made a morning list for my 2 ds aged 8 and 5,only once all things on list are complete they are allowed to put the tv on until time to leave for school. Only introduced it a few of weeks ago but is working fairly well. They have to

Get dressed
Have breakfast
Clear breakfast things away
Get school bags ready
Get shoes and coats and put by front door
Brush teeth
Make beds.

Has made mornings less manic, and rather than having to nag about every task I can just say "have you done everything on your list"

Ds2 decided to be extra helpful on Saturday and empty the dishwasher while we were still in bed, only trouble was it had not been on!!

LiegeAndLief Mon 11-Feb-13 22:20:15

My 6yo ds does a lot of that, but not without an enormous amount of prompting. We have a chart (I guess a visual timetable?) with everything he and dd have to do in the morning before school, which I refer to about 100 times every morning, and there is still plenty of dawdling. 10 minutes before we need to leave for school I set a 5 minute timer. Anyone who has done everything on the chart by the time the timer goes off gets a marble in the marble jar, which goes towards screen time at the weekends.

This works pretty well. Without it I am a screaming harridan set on repeat: "Ds, get your shoes on. Get your shoes on ds. Ds, put that football magazine down and get your shoes on! Now! Your shoes! They're there, by your feet! No, look, there, right by your feet! Yes, that's it, great... <5 minutes later as I open door> Ds, have you only got one shoe on? WHY?!!" and so on and so on...

Repetition does work though I think. After months of constant requests (and the occasional "why do I have to do everything in this house?" HA! response), ds actually cleared his own plate into the kitchen yesterday without being asked. I nearly fell off my chair.

StuntGirl Mon 11-Feb-13 22:30:40

Oh liege that reminds me of the Michael McIntre sketch grin

valiumredhead Mon 11-Feb-13 22:34:17

Nothing on your list is unreasonable but unrealistic for a 9 year old to do without constant prompting ime.

Primrose123 Mon 11-Feb-13 22:48:16

I don't think it is his age or the fact that he's a boy, it's just the way he is.

My elder DD is pretty good. She might leave a mess, but I just remind her and she clears it with no problem.

My younger DD, who is 12, is just like your son. It doesn't matter how many times she is told to clean up after herself, it just doesn't happen. Every day we find plates and glasses in the living room, clothes and wet towels on the bathroom floor, and the list goes on.

nokidshere Mon 11-Feb-13 23:22:51

Too big a list and too much reminding - ignore and drink wine ;)

It all sounds perfectly normal to me!

nokidshere Mon 11-Feb-13 23:24:28

And, just a thought, way too much to do in the mornings!!

My boys have to do their schoolbags/lunchboxes/pe kits when they get in from school.

In the mornings we simply wash, eat and dress. Much calmer!

Andro Mon 11-Feb-13 23:29:07

nokidshere - I was about to ask if I was the only one to insist on school bags being prepped the night before...glad I'm not on my own.

SilverBellsandCockleShells Tue 12-Feb-13 09:08:43

My two (8 & 6) have a list of things they have to do in the morning. (Get up, get dressed, put pyjamas in washing or fold up, breakfast, teeth, book bags, etc. out). The list is printed out and stuck to their wardrobes. If they do everything on their list, they get 20p. Plus another £1 if their rooms are tidy at the end of the week.

I've had varying success with this. What has made my mornings significantly more peaceful is insisting they get dressed and ready before having breakfast. Then the breakfast acts as an incentive and if they don't get things done, they go to school hungry. Now all they have to do after breakfast is clean their teeth, which still means some nagging, but it's not a patch on what things used to be like.

HesterBurnitall Tue 12-Feb-13 09:20:04

It might help defuse conflict between you and your son if your DH communicated directly rather than through you. It's not really fair for your DH to give you a hard time because DS isn't living up to his standards, it puts pressure on your relationship with your DS that doesn't need to be there. Let your DH deal with your DS directly regarding his issues and you might find you have a shorter list of things you need to sort out and a more amenable and less resentful DS.

joshandjamie Tue 12-Feb-13 09:58:36

Had a much better morning this morning. Younger son tried to go downstairs without dressing first, but I pointed out that it was pancake day and if he wanted pancakes for breakfast, he needed to be ready in time. Older son did (almost) everything he was supposed to do (his room was still a tip and blind down but I can forgive those) and we were still waiting for him to get shoes etc on but basically they did everything they had to do and almost on time without me raising my voice once - just doing the reminding of: ok, what's next. DS1 also remembered on his own to get his shin pads ready for a match today (jaw on floor). So lots of praise for that and they've both been rewarded with an extra ten mins of screen time. Today was probably an anomaly brought about by pancakes but I'll take it

FauxFox Tue 12-Feb-13 10:20:47

My DD is exactly the same. It was really getting on my nerves that she was leaving her dirty laundry on the floor instead of putting it in the wash basket and no amount of reminding seemed to help. One day I said "Oh are my eyes deceiving me - I can see a pant mirage on the floor, but they surely can't really be there as you know where they really go!" and she put them away agreeing that I was indeed seeing things grin

Now all I have to do is glimpse a "pant mirage" and she rushes to sort it out.

Makes the situation much less tense and frustrating - maybe you could make some jokey ways to get him to help out without having to nag?

frasersmummy Tue 12-Feb-13 10:30:38

I have just read this thread with interest

I have an almost 8 year old (going on 18). He can/should do everything on this list but rarely does. it causes no end of friction... esp in the morning

I am going to make a visual chart for him so he knows what he has to do .. see if it helps with the meltdowns when he is reminded of stuff he needs to do .. if I laminate it then he can tick it off each day and wipe it clean for the next day ..

great idea thanks people

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