to have found this patronising?

(43 Posts)
FrontierFighter Sun 10-Feb-13 23:21:53

So I met a guy on a night out a week ago when I was out with friends, and we have been texting back and forth for a week and decided to meet up last night.

Friends asked me Thursday if I was meeting up with him at all, so did tell them that yes we have date on Saturday night. Three of them on the night sent me good luck texts.

Now I know I sound like a heartless bitch but I just found it so patronising. It's just a date.

Also I'm only 23 (hardly on the shelf just yet!) and I had broken up with my ex of 4 months just over a month ago, so it's not like I've been single for ages and I actually enjoy life regardless of whether I am single or part of a couple.

I think maybe I found it more patronising because they are in very long term relationships and perhaps pity their single friend.

BambieO Sun 10-Feb-13 23:23:09

I would probably do the same if you were my friend, not to be patronising but if I knew you wanted to meet someone and it would make you happy that would make me happy too so I would wish you all the luck in the world

YABU they were just being nice.

BambieO Sun 10-Feb-13 23:23:57

My point was they probably meant no harm and just adore you and wish you all the best in life and love smile

ApocalypseThen Sun 10-Feb-13 23:24:03

Any chance they were trying to be kind and supportive and you're projecting your own insecurities on to them?

WorraLiberty Sun 10-Feb-13 23:24:52

I had to read that twice because the first time I thought I'd missed something?

Are you seriously saying you found a flippant 'good luck' text patronising? confused

PaellaUmbrella Sun 10-Feb-13 23:25:17

YABU. They weren't being patronising, they were just being nice confused

katiecubs Sun 10-Feb-13 23:28:03

They are probably excited for you - they don't get to 'date' anymore you see!

YABU - you are lucky to have such nice friends.

TurquoiseCat Sun 10-Feb-13 23:28:07


They wished you luck for a first date with a man you've only met once. What did you want them to say? hmm

Calm down dear, it was only a text.

KB02 Sun 10-Feb-13 23:29:37


ThisIsMummyPig Sun 10-Feb-13 23:29:39

They probably just meant that they hoped you would have a nice night, and not meet a serial killer.

But then when I was 24 and going out with a new man texts hadn't really taken off....

OurPlanetNeptune Sun 10-Feb-13 23:34:57

Not patronising at all. Just nice and thoughtful. I think you need to have a word with yourself.


TroublesomeEx Sun 10-Feb-13 23:36:52

Sounds like they're excited.

I'm pretty paranoid and I don't think even I could read something negative into a good luck message before a date!

TroublesomeEx Sun 10-Feb-13 23:37:48

Or perhaps they've read the worst first date thread on here and they're just letting you know they hope yours goes better.

Really. What is the problem?

ComposHat Sun 10-Feb-13 23:47:06

Now I know I sound like a heartless bitch

yes you do.

and perhaps pity their single friend

Or perhaps they just wish you well

good job they didn't buy you a bunch of flowers or you'd have nutted them or something.

AnyFucker Sun 10-Feb-13 23:49:56

Your friends are complete bastards and you should drop them immediately

mynewpassion Mon 11-Feb-13 00:10:22

Your thinking is skewed.

suburbophobe Mon 11-Feb-13 00:41:41

Be thankful you have friends who take the time to wish you well on a date.

Patronising? Seriously??

BookWormery Mon 11-Feb-13 01:14:42


Good luck to your date.

Icelollycraving Mon 11-Feb-13 01:22:45

Yabu. They sound perfectly nice. You sound a bit like hard work if friends trying to be supportive & excited for you.

Eebahgum Mon 11-Feb-13 01:23:22

I know it's "just a date" but surely you want it to go well? Otherwise, what's the point in going? I doubt very much whether they meant "good luck - hope you meet your future husband & get off the shelf & join us in the happy world of ltrs" and probably meant "good luck - hope he's not a boring twat & you enjoy yourself".

Jojobump1986 Mon 11-Feb-13 01:36:30

They're probably excited for you. I married quite young & there's a part of me that's a little sad that I didn't really do the whole independent woman going on dates thing. I get really excited when my single friends meet someone new, partly because I want them to be happy (whatever that looks like for them & not at all in a everyone-should-get-married-like-me way!) but also partly because I get to live vicariously through them!
Surely going on dates when you're young & single is supposed to be exciting - is it really that wrong that people who care about you want to share in the excitement too?!

Jojobump1986 Mon 11-Feb-13 01:37:54

How did the date go btw? wink <Nosy>

AboutThyme Mon 11-Feb-13 01:39:03

They were wishing you good luck on a date. Those UTTER cunts. LTB's immediately.

EllenParsons Mon 11-Feb-13 01:53:05

Yabu. Last time I went on a date two of my best friends text me good luck - didn't find it patronising at all, just showing interest in each others lives! Don't over think it.

AboutThyme Mon 11-Feb-13 01:55:05

OP - is there something more to this? You can say, your amongst "friends".

MammaTJ Mon 11-Feb-13 06:27:04

Oh my goodness. Every day I think 'surely there cannot be something more daft to be offended about' yet every day someone on here manages to come up with something!


everlong Mon 11-Feb-13 07:19:10

The bastards!

Who'd have thought it? Friends being nice.

Coconutty Mon 11-Feb-13 07:21:44

The bit I can't get my head around is that you've got 4 friends tbh. I would be telling them to ditch you if they had posted on here. UABU

wigglesrock Mon 11-Feb-13 07:23:22

I suppose they wish you Happy Birthday as well - bastards hmm

ZillionChocolate Mon 11-Feb-13 07:23:41

It was kind of them to remember and be bothered to text you. That massive chip on your shoulder's distorting your thinking (unless the text said "good luck, you'll need it, I'm amazed he agreed to go out with you, let's hope it works out so you can stop embarrassing us by being single")

Saski Mon 11-Feb-13 07:26:22

I would do the same. YABU.

Iaintdunnuffink Mon 11-Feb-13 07:35:06

Is there an age where it becomes acceptable to wish someone luck?

KenDoddsDadsDog Mon 11-Feb-13 07:38:38

Leave the bastards

exoticfruits Mon 11-Feb-13 07:52:55

What dreadful friends........being happy for you! ( keep quiet about it- friends are hard work if you have to walk on eggshells and second guess that they might get upset about perfectly friendly gestures)

BalloonSlayer Mon 11-Feb-13 08:05:47

Actually I think YANBU, OP

It's not an interview for the job of a lifetime they know you have been desperate to do since you were little. It's a social meet-up with a man who may turn out to be a knobber/not your type/the love of your life/not that into you/Mr OK/whatever. Luck has nothing to do with it.

However I expect they really meant to say "First date! How fab! Aww I remember my first date with DP. It's so exciting. Hope you both have a great time and it's the first of many," but "Good Luck" is shorter and they probably genuinely think it means the same thing.

trixymalixy Mon 11-Feb-13 08:43:23

YABU, they're probably excited for you and a wee bit jealous in some ways, definitely not pitying. Have you not seen the threads on here where someone is going on a date and posters who know nothing about the OP are saying good luck and waiting for updates? I love to lurk in those threads and if I actually knew the person involved I'd be itching to know every detail.

BelleJolie Mon 11-Feb-13 09:57:10

You have lovely thankful.

MarmaladeTwatkins Mon 11-Feb-13 11:20:48

<walks off thread in confusion>

Pagwatch Mon 11-Feb-13 11:24:49

I think in this context a 'good luck' just means 'hope it goes well and you have a good time' rather than 'thank the lord, you might finally be off the shelf'

Ds1 had a first date last month and I wished him good luck. I knew he liked her and just wanted him to enjoy the evening. He's 19. I am kind of hoping it isn't heading for marriage right now. But having a nice date is a good thing isn't it?

Pancakeflipper Mon 11-Feb-13 11:25:43

Joins Marmalade in looking around in a bemused manner.


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