to want to kick dp in the balls!!!!!

(136 Posts)
InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 17:59:55

We have a 22month old dd who is teething atm and is a nightmare! (No fault of her own)
And a week old ds.

We live in a small terrace house...SMALL! things are hard enough atm with dc and the fact we're moving in just 3 weeks and I've been trying to pack things up (no help from dp) he's had his brother here ALL weekend, all they've done is sit on their asses in the lounge playing fucking fifa!!! The lounge tv is the only one we have and I dont particularly get on with his brother (he's caused us a lot of problems!) so I've been in my bedroom all weekend with ds, he's had dd playing downstairs.

I was unaware his brother was staying! I was never asked, or even told, technically it's my house although he helps pay for things.

His friends have now turned up... I've gone upstairs with ds to express milk, he's come up telling me I'm rude and that I need to be downstairs to occupie his friends boobs are killing me there so full and there's only enough milk in the fridge for another 2 feeds.

I'm hungry! (Can't eat with people around, own problem I know) so havnt really eaten all weekend,my boobs kill, I'm tired from nights with ds, I'm sick of boxes everywhere and trying to organise everything, I'm fed up of dps attempts of licking my ass because he knows I'm annoyed he's been a cock all weekend.

And I don't feel I'm being rude by NEEDING to get this milk out my sodding boobs!! I just feel like crying... dp's now come and announced its my hormones! ...foot in balls very shortly!!!!!!!

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 18:01:17

Also extremely bored of looking at these 4 walls!!!!!!

YANBU. A swift kick in the nadgers is the least this chap deserves!

Trills Sun 10-Feb-13 18:01:44

YABU - kicking him in the balls will not solve anything.

CartedOff Sun 10-Feb-13 18:02:43

HE is the fucking rude one here. Bloody hell.

YANBU! seriously. Someone will be along with proper advice soon, but your 'd'p sounds like an asshat.

shock If I lived nearby I would happily come round and kick him in the balls for you, I'm good like that.

A better solution may be to go downstairs and tell them all to fuckoff get out of YOUR house right now so you can eat, relax in your own lounge, and breast feed/express in comfort. I'd also be reconsidering moving with this selfish man child. hmm

manicbmc Sun 10-Feb-13 18:06:37

Why the hell is he inviting all these people round when you have just had a bloody baby?

You stay where you are. Grab some snacks and hole up in your room. If anyone says a word hit them with a stick.


ginmakesitallok Sun 10-Feb-13 18:07:44

Whay yourhandinmyhand said.

Trills Sun 10-Feb-13 18:08:04

YABU to want to kick him in the balls - it won't help.

YWNBU to repost on Relationships with a slightly less violent title and ask for advice.

What do you get out of the relationship? Is he always this thoughtless/selfish or is this a one-off?

StuntGirl Sun 10-Feb-13 18:10:59

Violence won't solve anything.

He has been incredibly thoughtless and rude. I would say "Please don't blame your rude behaviour on my hormones". Then I'd stay upstairs if that's what's more comfortable for you, and speak with him when everyone's gone. He sounds like he's being a bit of a tit.

CartedOff Sun 10-Feb-13 18:11:06

I completely missed that you have a week old baby as well as a 22 month old daughter.

His behaviour is now even more disgusting.

You've been packing for the past three weeks why he does nothing?
He invites groups of people round without even asking you?
He plays video games all weekend?
He tells you you're rude for not coming down and tells you you need to entertain people?

Leave this twat. Seriously.

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 18:13:31

Can I just add I "want" to kick him in the balls, I wouldn't physically do it...don't have the energy to anyway!

manicbmc Sun 10-Feb-13 18:13:34

Unpack, OP. Send your 'd'p to the new house on his own.

jackstini Sun 10-Feb-13 18:13:34

Your house, you have a week old baby you need to feed and he has people round? YANBU to feel like kicking him, although would be a bit U to do it.

Tell him to get them out now. It is not acceptable.
They can all go to one of their own houses instead.

When they're gone put what you want on the telly, feed on one side and express off the other same time if you can - he can make you a sandwich and leave you in peace.

On a serious note, he needs to sort his attitude before you move - will this be your house again or a joint one?
sad & angry for you

I missed your 1week old baby too. sad

OP he is a SHIT. angry

Scheherezade Sun 10-Feb-13 18:15:25

A week old baby and he has friends round sad

13Iggis Sun 10-Feb-13 18:16:21

Move to the new house without him, perhaps? No-one would be staying with me when I have a newborn.
Why are you expressing, or is it irrelevant

crashdoll Sun 10-Feb-13 18:16:21

YANBU to be pissed off but YABVU for saying that, even if you never would do it. Imagine if a man came on here and said something like that!

GO downstairs with the baby in your arms & pull the plug out of the wall -stand in front of the telly & calmly say

" I would like you to go now please, I have a very young baby and we all need some space & quiet. We'd love to see you again in a few weeks in the new house" (even if you wouldn't be) Grin sweetly. Don't move.

Why on earth did you have another baby with this waste of space of a DP?

Xales Sun 10-Feb-13 18:16:45

Go down stairs and call him on his attitude.

Tell him and every one else you have a week old baby, he is a lazy selfish fucker and kick them all out of your house.

If you can completely re-evaluate what you are getting if you move with this lazy git/.

SarkyPants Sun 10-Feb-13 18:17:58

Tell him that either his friend leave NOW
Or he leaves permanently.

StuntGirl Sun 10-Feb-13 18:22:12

I am just trying to imagine being in that situation where my partner treated me so harshly and I can't, he just wouldn't sad I feel so bad for you being in this situation OP.

What was he like after the birth of your daughter?

pictish Sun 10-Feb-13 18:22:23

I agree. Go down and ask everyone very calmly and politely to leave.

ErikNorseman Sun 10-Feb-13 18:22:49

You have a one week old baby? Look, your 'partner' is so far beyond unreasonable it's shocking. Is he always such a fucking wanker?

wait.. new baby, moving, not consulted about overnight guests? Any ONE of those things should be justification enough to ask them to leave. You are not in the slightest bit rude in not entertaining HIS guests.

Frankly, with that new a baby HE should be packing and helping you, not making more work for you by inviting people over.

Do what Bossy says and feel free to completely and utterly loose it with him (in a 'don't mess with me, I am scary' way.)

countrykitten Sun 10-Feb-13 18:25:34

OP feel sorry for you. He is way out of line here.

Why are you putting up with it?

Is this the same brother that you had a thread on a while back? Sorry if I've for you mixed up with someone else, but I really don't know why you or your P have let this twat in your house in the first place. You would be more than reasonable to kick the brother in the balls and cause him some damage.

Please don't move to the new place with him, let him go in his own. Your situation isn't going to change unless you get shot of him and his horrid family.

mrsbunnylove Sun 10-Feb-13 18:32:26

have you got a relative and friend who could come round and look after you, or just collect you and the children and take them somewhere comfortable? your partner is being very inconsiderate but just after giving birth isn't the best time to make a life-changing decision. i'd like to think there is someone who can help you or rescue you.

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 18:35:03

When we move it'd be our house, not mine.

No he's not usually like this, he seems to think I should expect loads of people around all the time to see our baby!

I'm expressing because ds latches on incorrectly and makes me incredibly sore and makes my nipples bleed (midwife can't seem to help much!) So I express alternate sides to try and reduce pain/soreness and feed him on the other. Hope that makes sence!

He's making dinner...but none for me!! Now I'm reallyyyyyy annoyed!!...and still hungry.

BarredfromhavingStella Sun 10-Feb-13 18:35:34

Just go downstairs, sit in your front room, get a boob out & pop DS on-I guarantee it will clear the house in no time wink

But seriously, you need to call him on his fucking shit behavior & tell him what you expect from him in the future. If he can't improve on the wankerishness then the only place you need to kick him is on the arse as it's on it's way out the door.

ComposHat Sun 10-Feb-13 18:39:29

Yes he is being useless and needs to sort himself out pronto.

However YABU to say you want to kick him in the balls. How would you feel if he'd written on a public forum that you deserved 'a boot in the fanny'?

CartedOff Sun 10-Feb-13 18:40:41

Um, loads of people do often come round when a baby is help out, to visit for brief periods, to bring meals and offer support. Not to play videogames and effectively confine a recovering mother to a room in her own house.

He's sounding like a massively insensitive and uncaring individual at the moment.

manicbmc Sun 10-Feb-13 18:43:08

If she was being a twat, I'd say a metaphorical boot in the fanny would be appropriate.

He's cooking but nothing for her! Not on. Not right. It's her house. She has an equal say (in fact more say as she has just given birth) and those people should leave.

Cause a scene, OP.

Primrose123 Sun 10-Feb-13 18:48:39

Hang on. This is your house. Go downstairs and very nicely say, "Sorry everyone, I'm feeling rotten, and it's time to go now, I need to rest and try to feed my newborn baby. You are all welcome back when I feel better."

ThereGoesTheYear Sun 10-Feb-13 18:49:54

He sounds like a selfish wanker.
How much money will he be putting into the new house? Is your biggest asset and means of independence getting swallowed up in this?

thebody Sun 10-Feb-13 18:50:06

Go downstairs with your baby and breast feed.

Then tell all visitors that you arnt being rude but quite frankly you're knackered and need your bed. Also that dp has many jobs to do like bathing dd and putting her to bed.

If dd wakes tonight teething do tell dp he is on the night shift and u and ds go to bed.

Give him a metaphorical massive kick in the balls tomorrow by showing him this thread.

I cant quite believe what im reading here!. You have a week old baby - you should be resting not crapping about packing and entertaining people. For gods sake just take your baby, lie down read a book and tell him to fuck off. I HATE men like this - you have had HIS baby he should be provided care while you recover and no matter what any of these superwomen you hear about say after a week you are NOT recovered not even close.

Also if you are havgin trouble with feeding/latch its even more important to be alone, relaxed and well fed. Just you, your baby and your boob nothing else will fix the situation.

zwischenzug Sun 10-Feb-13 18:54:10

He sounds like a knob, but domestic violence never makes things better.

makinglemonade Sun 10-Feb-13 18:57:22

Seriously! He's been a complete knob.

Why is he not cooking for you? You need to tell him in no uncertain terms how out of order he is!

KenLeeeeeee Sun 10-Feb-13 18:58:26

Go downstairs, tell everyone - "d"p included - to get out NOW. This is your house, you have a week-old baby and need your personal space back immediately.

If I was you, I would seriously consider not letting the selfish shit back in at all, ever.

saycheeeeeese Sun 10-Feb-13 18:59:22

I'd kill him, he wouldn't even get the chance of having his balls kicked!

Any chance that before he lived with you he still lived at home with his mammy?

I wouldnt stand for this. And tbh I wouldnt still be with him. Hes a cunt.

StuntGirl Sun 10-Feb-13 19:14:55

Er, he's not cooking for you either? What's his fucking game? He's being an absolute bellend.

What would happen if you went downstairs and said politely that you were really tired and just wanted to relax and feed your baby, but that you'd love to see everyone in a few days/weeks when you're feeling more up to it?

anonacfr Sun 10-Feb-13 19:18:47

Why is he not cooking for you??????
Go downstairs grab his plate and go back to your room.

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 19:19:24

He's now dumped screaming dd up here with me too.....

I would love to go and tell them all to get out but I'd end up crying and making a tit of myself.

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 19:20:12

He's not cooking for me because I'm rude...


KenLeeeeeee Sun 10-Feb-13 19:21:07

I would love to go and tell them all to get out but I'd end up crying and making a tit of myself

Then cry! Kick, scream, throw things if you must. But for the love of cheese get this useless article and his minions out of your home! You and your children need your own space.

HansieMom Sun 10-Feb-13 19:22:09

I keep checking back in hopes that you have kicked them all out.

Change of subject, but you could try Lansinoh for your sore nipples. I learned about it on MN for sore, cracked hands. It is in a lavender box in the baby aisle of your drugstore. It is a lanolin ointment, very thick.

Good luck on getting rid of the lot of them. How dare he cook for them and not you!

spiritedaway Sun 10-Feb-13 19:22:18

Try not to express. . Maybe a little hand expressing is ok, . But it encourages more milk and messes with the foremilk so baby gets too much, can't fill up, suckles frequently and encourages even more milk. It's a horrible cycle that can lead to mastitis. If it's only expressed he's getting then he is probably getting too much foremilk. That is the only practical advice i can give, except please don't move house with your ex if it means you're trapped. Don't do it for the kids to have more space. Send him packing.

Oh INTG, you know deep down you really need to get rid of this horrible man.
Your P should be waiting on you hand and foot, his only break should be putting DD to bed, then bringing you dinner on a tray.
He really is a horrible man and you know he is. You'd be so much better off with out him.

CartedOff Sun 10-Feb-13 19:22:50

He is a petulant child. You gave birth a week ago. Your body is recovering and you need to eat and he is refusing to cook for you because you are "rude".

Can you not see what a heartless person someone must be to act like this?

StuntGirl Sun 10-Feb-13 19:23:01

I would take your daughter downstairs again and ask tell him to look after his daughter while you feed your son.

Is he cooking for all his friends too, just not you?

Seriously, go and cry if that's what it takes to get rid of them!

Could you call a friend/relative to come over? If my friend called me into this situation I would have no qualms shaming her partner and getting rid of the unwanted house guests on her behalf. In fact if you live near me I'll come and do it for you anyway! grin

kalidanger Sun 10-Feb-13 19:23:52

Can you rope in his mate's DP to do the kicking out for you?

Theicingontop Sun 10-Feb-13 19:25:02

You gave birth a week ago! A WEEK AGO!

Your partner is the dickiest of dicks. Tell him to chuck his cronies out, settle yourself on the sofa with a cup of tea and make him fucking pack.


TheMightyLois Sun 10-Feb-13 19:25:13

Why the actual fuck are you putting up with any of this! Kick everyone out, give your 22mo back to him, and stop letting him behave like this towards you.

BlueGoddess Sun 10-Feb-13 19:25:25

Get your arse down those stairs right now - you need to have a complete meltdown at him, regardless of whether his mates are there or not!

Before you go work out exactly what you are going to say so you don't trip yourself up verbally.

Nagoo Sun 10-Feb-13 19:26:10

Jesus, is he 15?

There's no way I'd be moving from 'my house' to 'our house' with this man.

No fucking way.

spiritedaway Sun 10-Feb-13 19:26:58

I mean your p not your ex, he deserves to be ex imo x

TheMightyLois Sun 10-Feb-13 19:27:08

So what if you end up crying - I'd be SCREAMING if anyody, let alone DP, treated me half as bad as he's treating you.

Crikeyblimey Sun 10-Feb-13 19:27:21

I suspect the time has come to act - even if that means making a tit of yourself by crying. You have a newborn - you are allowed to cry.

Reclaim the sitting room NOW. Thank people for coming but it is late on a Sunday and they need to go now and let you be.

Please please go down now and cry at them.

Oh, and then, get dp to feed you, bring you a nice cup of tea, bath dd and put her to bed.

anastaisia Sun 10-Feb-13 19:29:00

YANBU to want to so long as you don't actually.

I'd be asking them to all leave - him included.

I wouldn't be moving anywhere with him - if he wanted me to consider taking him back he'd have a LOT of making amends while living elsewhere to do. I'd rather just take care of me and the 2 children who are actually children than pander to a grown adult acting like one as well.

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Feb-13 19:29:32

How many people are down there? I would go down and say, "Thanks for coming everyone, but it's time for you to go now. In case Twat didn't tell you, we've got a new baby and I want to sit down here and try to feed her. Twat, please go and bath the toddler. When you've finished, you can cook both of us some dinner."

If he causes trouble, tell him to get out with the others (and mean it) then phone for pizza delivery.

HumphreyCobbler Sun 10-Feb-13 19:30:20

why does it matter what these selfish arses think of YOU? Go and tell them to piss off. I really wish I could do it for you, the fact that your partner is 'punishing' you by not cooking you a meal when you are 1 week post partum is giving me the rage on your behalf.

PurplePidjin Sun 10-Feb-13 19:31:35

shock Go and embarrass the fuck out of him. I'm sure one of these so-called mates can find a floor for him to doss on angry What a twatweasel!

KenLeeeeeee Sun 10-Feb-13 19:32:06

Please, please don't move in with this "man".

go and make a tit of yourself. Go and cry and be upset and tell them that they need to leave BECAUSE YOU HAD A BABY A WEEK AGO and need peace and quiet. Tell DP to go too. Scream at DP that if he thinks that was rude then he can stick around and see ruder if he wants.

geez louise.

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Feb-13 19:34:57

What's he like normally, OP? I find it hard to believe a normal nice guy would behave like this.

TheMightyLois Sun 10-Feb-13 19:36:26

I really hope the OP has gone downstairs and is tearing her DP a new one.

oh and the geez louise was at DP, not you. He has piled arse upon arse. I can't believe he wouldn't cook for you and expected you to look after your other kid too.

Please please reconsider moving. He sounds very immature and not thinking at best.

Tell them all to go home.

This is so unfair sad

OHforDUCKScake Sun 10-Feb-13 19:40:12

Fuck me, Id be leaving the bastard, not moving in with him. What an absolute utter prick. No way could I be with a 'man' like that.

BTW has your baby been checked for tongue tie?

Isityouorme Sun 10-Feb-13 19:42:12

I think I would tell them all to fuck off and fuck off some more. Ignorant twats for doing this when you have a week old baby, and stupid cows to the women. I would throw a wobbly. And he can't make you dinner! He s a twat and I would actually kick him I the balls.

simplesusan Sun 10-Feb-13 19:46:46

Op- please go downstairs and TELL the guests to leave-now.

If you cannot do this is there anyone in the house who you can get to do it for you?

Your oh is a complete selfish pig. Seriously his behaviour will get worse as you recover from your pregnancy.

Sometimes people don't think, my dh let lots of guests in after the birth of dd1, albeit many of them turned up uninvited. When I was pregnant with ds I told him straight, no visitors until I give the go ahead.
You need to tell your dp that you do not want visitors. If he cannot deal with this then I seriously would not be moving house with him.

Ullena Sun 10-Feb-13 19:48:47

Ok, it's your home not his. Go downstairs, and tell your partner and the rest of his mob to get out of your home, right now. There is no need to be polite or nice. They are affecting your ability to care for your baby, your DD is upset, and your own health is suffering.

If this fails, retreat back upstairs. Dial 101 and have them removed. And don't let them back in...him included.

Really hope you don't move in with him, op sad He won't bring you food?

Go down, meltdown crying and tell them all you are feeling like crap, have a week old baby and your partner is being a knob. they all need to leave, including your not so dp

13Iggis Sun 10-Feb-13 19:51:31

On the bf front, please get to a bf clinic (or a phoneline even) for advice, your ordinary midwife won't necessarily spot what is wrong. Then you might have one less pain in your life. I know when you have a one-week old may not be the best time for throwing your partner out, but I wouldn't think twice about standing up for yourself and throwing the friends out - that would be a start.

mousebacon Sun 10-Feb-13 19:52:37

Dear God, OP. Go downstairs, stay as calm as you can and tell them to leave - your 'd' p too if needs be.

Tell them you had a baby a week ago. Tell them you're tired and sore and hungry and if they don't look shame faced and leave immediately tell them to fuck off out of your house.

Your partner should be putting you first not his mates. What a selfish twat.

Please think very carefully before moving into the new house with this manchild.

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 10-Feb-13 19:53:35

Please tell them to leave, if they judge you for getting upset they are fucking Wankers, quite frankly.

OP is it possible for you NOT to move? If you can avoid moving into a house that is both of yours then please stay put. I can't believe how you are being treated here. sad

Do you have any family or friends nearby?

Would you feel up to giving us a rough area of where you are? (You don't have to it's just there are lots of lovely MNers who may be able to offer support).

How old is he and his friends? I'm assuming none of them have kids? They all sound like selfish kids themselves.

Fucking hell!

A week after giving birth I was wandering round topless in an emotional blur. DP was acting as a doorman and only allowing nice, helpful people who were 'on the list' in.

Honestly OP, go downstairs to your living room and tell whoever is in their that you and your week old DC need rest.

If DP does anything other than kiss you, tell his 'friends' to leave and put DD to bed then he is a twat of the highest order and there really is only one answer - LTB.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 10-Feb-13 20:09:17

OP I'm so annoyed for you! Get them to leave and I suggest you re-think moving in with the cock.

OP just read your thread fromduring your pregnancy where he was commenting on you being fat, and making you feel self conscious, not trusting you on nights out with your friends (who don't like him), commenting if you are out of shape before pregnancy, etc. sad Did you get to speak to your midwife in the end? Did he support you at the birth or did your mum, and was he excited to meet your baby DS?

I have to say I'm quite worried about you and whatever you do tonight please reach out to friends, family and midwife for support.

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 20:22:27

They've all gone....

And he's now decided he wants to leave. I havnt done/said anything sad sad sad

Think hes found all this too much, he said a couple of days ago he wasn't sure if he wanted this sad sad

StuntGirl Sun 10-Feb-13 20:24:42

Oh I'm so sorry garden sad I think for the time being at least though this might be for the best. Even though it will be really hard to see that right now.

Katisha Sun 10-Feb-13 20:28:27

IS there anyone you can ring to come round and be with you?

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 10-Feb-13 20:28:45

So sorry OP. that's a rotten thing for him to do when you have a newborn it might be for the best though in the long run. sadangry.

Flisspaps Sun 10-Feb-13 20:28:58

I think stuntgirl is right, not that it makes it any easier right now.

Do you still have to move (have you exchanged contracts/given notice)?

Go and get yourself something to eat, if you're BF then you need to keep yourself well nourished as your lovely baby will be taking all the good stuff from your body x

Have you got family / friends nearby? Reach out to one of them and ask them to come round and help x

mousebacon Sun 10-Feb-13 20:29:58

Oh sweetheart. What a shit. Have you got family nearby?

Ullena Sun 10-Feb-13 20:30:46

Order yourself a takeaway and get some rest, op.

mousebacon Sun 10-Feb-13 20:32:11

Is there anything practical we can do? I could bring you some tea if you're in the NE?

Pozzled Sun 10-Feb-13 20:33:15

Wasn't sure if he wanted what? Your DS? Bit bloody late for that.
You need to make sure that he gets his arse in gear and at the very least sorts out packing etc for the move. It soundsike he's planning on walking out and letting you deal with everything, and you really need to focus on you and your DCs. Is there anyone more supportive that you could stay with for a bit- family?

Honey, you will be fine.

Let him leave on his own.

It could be so much worse if he was an arse who refused to leave and continued to treat you with utter contempt.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 10-Feb-13 20:35:37

Is him being a nob completely out of the blue or does he have previous?

Hope you have someone nearby to help you out. Whereabouts are you?

brew and hugs for you.

Have to say though, I think you've had a lucky escape, however shit this seems now.

HuggleBuggleBear Sun 10-Feb-13 20:41:40

I cant believe how he has behaved. It sounds like he's realised the enormity of having a baby and he's trying to kid himself nothing has changed. Don't know if its already been said but if baby has difficulty latching he may have a tongue tie, is there a breast feeding clinic you can get to. My baby had a tongue tie and it was very painful but got it snipped and that sorted out the painful latch.

Oh OP, what an utter arse! Go downstairs, make yourself something to eat, put your feet up and lock the bastard out!

Do you have friends or family nearby?

Xales Sun 10-Feb-13 20:42:40

Do you have any friends or family you can get to come around and look after you for a little?

Tomorrow call your mid wife or doctor let them know what is happening and ask if there is any support you can have.

Hard as it is forget your P right now. You and your two DC are the most important and you eating and coping are by far more important than this lazy petulant git.

If there is anyway you can cancel the move until you are more stable then try to?


ThereGoesTheYear Sun 10-Feb-13 20:43:08

What a cruel and childish man. It might not feel like it, but walking away is the best thing he could do for you. You've just had his baby. He should be kind and tender and solicitous. He should not be behaving like an utter bastard by having a fucking FIFA night with his mates and not cooking for you and expecting you to look after both children. What an utter shit.

ballstoit Sun 10-Feb-13 20:43:51

Oh sweetie, do you have someone who can come over to get you some dinner and help get DD to bed?

Don't think about your P at the moment...a week after new baby and in the midst of moving house is not the time for either of you to be making big decisions.

Is your P also DDs Dad?

whattodoo Sun 10-Feb-13 20:51:45

Is he still there at the moment or has he gone?

Squiglettsmummy2bx Sun 10-Feb-13 20:54:56

You are worth so much more & don't deserve any of this. Snuggle up with your little people & know that you are the lucky one to be there with them x

KenLeeeeeee Sun 10-Feb-13 21:02:58

I'm glad they've gone, OP. Let the shithead leave too, in the long run you will be glad of it. My ex behaved in a not-too-dissimilar fashion and it took me 10 months to tell him to fuck off. I never looked back!

You deserve to be waited on hand and foot a week after having had a baby and struggling to establish bf.

Whereabouts do you live? There are loads of bf support groups and clinics all over the country. I implore you to contact some and get someone to see you and check your baby out for tongue-tie (my dc4 had this and feeding was agony for the first week), also to look over your positioning and attachment and generally to give you a bit of support.

On a practical note, do you have any family or non-twatty friends who can come over and give you a bit of a rest from the housework and looking after your dd? Don't cling on to any pride; this is the one time in your life when nobody with a shred of decency about them will begrudge you any help.

Please look into your options WRT staying in your current home too. Crossing the house move off your list will lessen your stress a billion times.

Finally, have a very un-MNy (((((hug))))))

poodletip Sun 10-Feb-13 21:18:48

YANBU at all for wanting to, though you would be a bit if you actually did it of course. It sounds like you could really use some support if you can call on any from friends or family? By the sounds of it you'd be better off letting him go sad but what shocking timing.

unMN hugs from me too.

Isityouorme Sun 10-Feb-13 22:00:05

I feel so sorry for you. Be strong and don't ever forget how nasty he has been to you when you need him most .... There is no excuse for his behaviour. Lock the door and don't let him back in.

Aww sweetheart that is so wrong, let him go, call your family or best friends and get someone to come and give you support, and whatever happens, don't move in with him and leave your house. If he's doing this now, chances are it'll get worse and then you'll want a smaller home for you just and the kids. Stay put, and give those babies lots of hugs.

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 22:47:38

Sorry taken so long to reply, it's taken me that long to get dd to sleep and ds fed!

He literally just walked out, he is absolutely oblivious to why I feel the way I do. He obve can't care much sad sad sad about any of us!

I'm so tired and disappointed that I'm not even angry anymore.

I don't live near my family, any friends I did have I wouldn't say are friends anymore and the friends I would call have their own children to look after.

Have no choice but to move now! Too late to pull out. I'll look into going into rented when I have the time!

With the bf, thank you for your suggestions smile I have had him checked for tounge tie and the lady said if he has its not an obvious one and won't be picked up till he's older/bigger. I Have lansinoh! Love the stuff!

ImperialBlether Sun 10-Feb-13 22:51:07

Whereabouts are you, OP? Is there anything any of us can do to help?

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 22:53:25

yourhand he acted like that the whole pregnancy in the end, luckily I had ds 2 weeks early so that was 2 weeks I didn't have to put up with that behaviour! I had my mum at the birth for support, he came too and shockingly he was great!! Since I've had ds he's still not come near me unless I make pathetic kissy noises... and it can't be a weight issue now as I'm back in my size 6/8 clothes with no stretch marks or anything and bigger boobs...I'd say my body is better now than ever! Ohhh welllll sad

InTheNightGarden Sun 10-Feb-13 22:54:09

I'm in Somerset, anyone else here?

lottiegarbanzo Sun 10-Feb-13 22:58:38

So shocked, especially that someone who already has a child, so knows what's involved with babies, could be so selfish and behave so badly. Relieved for you that he's gone. Please don't forget this, don't accept excuses.

Hope things work out with the houses and you can feel you have a new start soon. Best of luck.

Nagoo Sun 10-Feb-13 23:00:52

What. A. Dick.

Please try to get some sleep.

We'll be here in the morning.

Can you ring your mum?

I was going to say you'll need some help, but TBH day to day you'll probably cope better without that weight around your neck...

Nagoo Sun 10-Feb-13 23:01:15

Oh and YANBU about the kick in the balls.

Londonmrss Sun 10-Feb-13 23:12:49

What a cunt.

Story about the bf problems. I had very similar and had to exclusively express for a few weeks. If you can afford it, rent a hospital grade pump lounge the Medela Symphony. Van also recommend nipple shield. I know bf support people advise against introducing shields so early but I wouldn't still be bf without them.

Sounds like you'll be much better without that asshole around. Hope you're ok though.

DizzyZebra Sun 10-Feb-13 23:14:50

Fuck NO you are not being unreasonable. Are you as obnoxious confident as me so you can throw them out of the house, whilst lecturing them on THEIR incredible lack of manners.

WTF seriously? I'm angry for you.

Londonmrss Sun 10-Feb-13 23:15:46

massive auto correct fail in that last message. I did mean to use the cunt word though.

Flisspaps Sun 10-Feb-13 23:17:37

Dizzy, things have moved on since the OP.

DizzyZebra Sun 10-Feb-13 23:19:44

OH god i am so sorry i only read the first half of the thread

OHforDUCKScake Sun 10-Feb-13 23:31:56

Thats not true re tongue tie. The sooner it gets diagnosed the better.

If she thinks that, then she is clueless about tongue tie and wont be able to check for it properly. Id see someone else.
Also, try nipple sheilds.

WRT your dickhead DP, you are definitely best off out of it. Good ridance. Seej support here. X

CSIJanner Mon 11-Feb-13 02:14:24

Is the house house paid for etc? Then it's never too late to pull out ESP with your circumstances. Are things a solutely signed or is it deposits etc for moving?Can you make calls tomorrow! You've got a week old, a teething toddler and a twunt of an ex-p. whilst people in the chain will be upset, it would be understandable xx

MidniteScribbler Mon 11-Feb-13 04:37:26

What a horrible excuse for a manchild. Your children will be better not having such a toxic role model in their home.

For your nipples, I had a very similar problem and the lanisoh wasn't really helping. It was so bad I was crying when trying to feed, and DS was refusing a bottle. My doctor prescribed a cream for me and it sorted the issue out within a day or so and I'm just weaning now at 12 months. I'm 3000kms from home at the moment so can't check the name, but the hospital were able to prescribe it for me. Good luck.

CheerfulYank Mon 11-Feb-13 05:01:25

Ugh, what a dick! Honestly. I am sick to the back teeth of these worthless men! Just because they "can" walk away, they do! Fucking hell.

Sorry, OP. blush That's neither here nor there. I'm across the ocean or I'd come round. sad What a shitty situation to be in.

PleasePudding Mon 11-Feb-13 05:09:00

You poor poor thing. I don't understand how anyone could treat a new mother like that. It is genuinely shocking. But I agree with the other posters that it is better to not have someone like that - you and your DC are worth so much more.

We moved when my daughter was three weeks and my son a toddler, I also had breast feeding problems which led to mastitis. I really do understand how horrible and unsettling it is having the move hanging over you and then the frustrations of difficult feeding - although it sounds like you are doing a great job with the expressing! Not to mention balancing the needs of your older child. It sounds like you are being heroic! I really hope you get some loving support soon, if not at least some professional packers maybe? They are great and come and do it all in a very small amount of time so you don't have to live in quite the same level of upheaval for quite so long. Frankly I think paying for professionals is the least that knobhead can do!

Really, really look after yourself - I do remember how hideous it all was and it is so so much better now and he is really not worth your tears.

diddl Mon 11-Feb-13 07:45:39

Oh please don´t move with him.

Stay where you are & let him go.

He refused to cook because you were "rude"-isn´t that abuse?

mousebacon Mon 11-Feb-13 09:48:35

How are things this morning OP?

MrsHoarder Mon 11-Feb-13 09:53:43

I'm in north Somerset if you want someone meet for a coffee this afternoon.

Been lurking but had nothing to add (as it was fairly clear that everyone was telling you he is a waste I space.

Nagoo Mon 11-Feb-13 12:34:24

How are you OP?

WandaDoff Mon 11-Feb-13 12:39:18

I'll come and kick him in balls for you if you'd like.

What a cock! Can't believe how he's treated you. I know it doesn't feel like it but you are better off without him. How far from bristol are you?

Newyearoldmum Mon 11-Feb-13 19:27:19

Hope you're ok OP

Soditall Mon 11-Feb-13 19:44:22

What a wanker.I wish I lived closer,I'd come and do some batch cooking for you and help out with the LO's,I hope there's another Mum that's closer that can help out.I have 5DC and breastfed all 5 of mine,I know how hard it is when your having problems it can be flaming agony.

It may not feel like it right now but you and your LO's are worth so much more than him.

I'm just bumping this for you ITNG to see if there's anyone in Somerset able to lend a friendly real-life ear.

Him walking out might be best for all of you. Do you think you have the strength to keep him out?

Please don't move, I can tell you first hand how terrible living with someone you don't love is. If you have even a tiny doubt, don't do it, I promise it's not too late.

raisah Mon 11-Feb-13 22:20:41

Go downstairs and start to change both your kids dirty nappies in the middle of the living room. Don't bag it up, leave it open so the smell starts to fill the room. Sit down on the sofa & start to breast feed (cover yourself with a shawl if you need to) & then ask your dh to make you tea & snacks. The sight of a breastt feeding woman & stinky nappies should get them to leave quite prompty. Don't rush to quieten the baby if it cries, let it scream & disturb the guests. By staying out of their way, you've let them take over your house so now it's time to claim it back.

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