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MIL printing out photos of my DM with the DC

(52 Posts)
chocolateygoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:05:26

Another MIL thread...... and quite a minor issue really compared to some of the others on here!

MIL loves having digital copies of my photos of my DC, as well as just seeing them on facebook. She likes to print them out in A4 and show them to all her friends and give them copies (and the checkout staff at local shop, oh yes, because she tells me what they say!!). Mostly I feel pleased that she loves her GC so much and a little bit sorry for the checkout staff who have to make polite comments about them!

In the past I have refused to give her certain ones which I don't like the 'wider public' to see, e.g. me in swimming costume at pool. She gets a bit funny about that, her argument was that if they were on facebook anyone could see them anyway and she could just log in to show her friends, that's not totally true as only my limited list of friends on facebook can see them and the photos on there are small not full A4 blown up of my saggy thighs!

Anyway she has asked for a recent pic which shows my mum snuggling up to DS and him giggling away, which she really wants to get printed out. Its a lovely pic but very intimate. I feel uncomfortable on mum's behalf giving it to DMIL to show around people so wholly unconnected to my mum. I know my mum would feel uncomfortable and I don't even want to ask her as she'd feel awkward to say no but would hate the idea of random strangers seeing it. Also DM isn't very close to DMIL. AIBU to refuse and have argument with DMIL, or to give it over with it cropped to remove mum from it, or am I just being a bit precious about it all?!

Anyone else feel ok sharing pics on facebook but odd having someone print them out to hand around?

HollyBerryBush Fri 08-Feb-13 22:06:50

If you are publicising them then they are fair game . Don't post pictures on FB, they are pblic property, no matter your settings, they can be copied and passed on.

SarkyPants Fri 08-Feb-13 22:09:34

No way would I put pics of me in swimming costume on FB.
Or pics that I consider intimate.

oldraver Fri 08-Feb-13 22:12:02

I would close your pictures down to her totally and tell her why as you cant trust her not to print them.

Probably the best thing to do is limit what she does see. Unless she looks from someone elses profile she wont know you have restricted what she can see. I have a special just for my Mum FB page as she is very nosy.

exoticfruits Fri 08-Feb-13 22:12:19

I can't see why your mother would be remotely bothered. You didn't keep them intimate or MIL wouldn't have seen them.

Tortington Fri 08-Feb-13 22:17:12

yeah if this is becoming a thing - dont publicise any phtotos except those you want her to see

chocolateygoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:17:34

Yeah, I see your point. Maybe in future I will just have to be more careful about who I share photos with on facebook, and put the ones of my family on just for my family to see, and vice-versa. Cats kind of out the bag with this one.

Would it be bad to give her the photo and not tell my mum, just feel guilty on her behalf?!

chocolateygoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:18:28

Custardo the thing is I'm happy for DMIL to see them, I just don't want her to print them out and hand out copies to loads of people I don't know!

HazeltheMcWitch Fri 08-Feb-13 22:22:06

Just tell her that your mum would not want other people having a copy of it.
And if she insists, say something like - you understand, you'd hate me to do something that you've specifically asked me not to.

seeker Fri 08-Feb-13 22:26:25

Why not? Do you think that they will steal your soul?

Honestly,it's a bit of paper. Don't risk spoiling q relationship over this.

chocolateygoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:31:26

seeker yes that's why I'm wondering if IBU. People will just throw the paper away (although in my nightmares I see copies posted to every lamppost within 2 miles of their house). If I want to protect the images I should probably be worrying about the digital copies not the paper ones confused

exoticfruits Fri 08-Feb-13 22:32:47

Have you asked your mother? Is she generally precious? If so does she know that you put them on FB. If it is a problem why publish them anywhere?

OrangeLily Fri 08-Feb-13 22:35:20

Could you just crop the photo to only show DS?

soundevenfruity Fri 08-Feb-13 22:36:17

All MIL are evil. And whether they are printing photos of your baby or patting your cat they are inconsiderate at best and sinister at worst.grin

exoticfruits Fri 08-Feb-13 22:39:39

Don't show her photos that you don't want her to print and then she won't know they exist.

seeker Fri 08-Feb-13 22:40:07

Sometimes they even do the washing up. This is because they don't think their Dil do it properly. And they bring food when they visit- because they don't think their dips feed their families properly. Or they don't bring food- because they are bone idle and expect to be waited on hand and foot.

If you're sharing them with her on facebook, she could just download them and print them herself (without your knowledge/consent). As could any other facebook friend. You'll need to set your facebook privacy much more tightly if you really want to stop her doing this.

If you do restrict the photos, you can always print & give her specific "vetted" pictures directly - she'll feel special, and you'll be in control?

chocolateygoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:41:15

exoticfruits Mum is just a very private person and also hates photos of herself - don't we all?! She doesn't use facebook but knows I share her photos on there (e.g. my gran is on there, plus other aunts & uncles who I don't see very often). I only share them with our family, DH's family and close friends (most of whom she knows). But I accept that any of them could print off the small facebook version though and share it, not sure why they would but you never know I guess.

I think I just need to take loads more intimate photos of MIL with the DC so she can print those ones off instead in the future and not want the ones of my DM!

CloudsAndTrees Fri 08-Feb-13 22:42:29

I thought ou could change settings on FB so that you can choose who sees photos you post. I've never tried it, but I think the function is there somewhere. If so, block her form the pictures.

She just spend a fortune in printer ink!

chocolateygoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:44:05

seeker how did you know?! AND even worse, MIL does the washing up but not properly so I have to do it again once they've left!

AndWhenYouGetThere we did this for her xmas present last year, should have done another one this year I guess! She always asks for the full-size digital version than the small facebook version as she finds it a faff to download them and they don't print very well at A4 size.... On a side note though what settings do you apply to stop anyone downloading them?

HollyBerryBush Fri 08-Feb-13 22:44:22

As tight as you are with controls, please remember, when your MIL runs amok and is the subject of mass media interest, all her friends will indeed sell pictures of her "off of" (had to do that) facebook with her doing it gansta style, with a blade down her pants waiting to shank someone>

Anything you publish on the WWW is public domain - might not be public copyright - but its public

Morloth Fri 08-Feb-13 22:44:34

If it is on facebook, it is not intimate.

PavlovtheCat Fri 08-Feb-13 22:45:20

Yabu

Sirzy Fri 08-Feb-13 22:45:22

So you will happily post photos on Facebook where anyone on your friends list can print them off and do as they please with them but you don't want you MIL to have a paper copy? I can't see your logic I am afraid!

HollyBerryBush Fri 08-Feb-13 22:46:04

oh and if you send hard copies she can scan them too mwhahahaha so I suggest you dont do photos

HecateWhoopass Fri 08-Feb-13 22:46:22

I agree with you. get her to cuddle your son and take a picture of the two of them? It's the pose she likes, yes? I'm sure she'd like it more if it was her cuddling him.

chocolateygoo Fri 08-Feb-13 22:50:27

Sirzy I only share with a limited list, and AFAIK none of those have any interest in printing them off and handing copies out to checkout staff at their local shops!!

But even if they just put them a family photo album, isn't it a bit weird to have photos of the other set of grandparents with your grandchildren, especially when the families aren't close and only met once or twice?

But yes I take everyone's point about facebook not being private. I think I will give this one to MIL to avoid a silly argument, and just be really careful about what I share in the future.

Chocolate, how would you feel if she showed the checkout staff a digital copy? Can't she use her phone to show the images rather than print them? I put lots of pics on face book and I know they aren't entirely safe, but I am ok with them being there. Wouldn't want dodgy blow ups of them floating about tho! grin

MikeOxardAndWellard Fri 08-Feb-13 23:24:34

You seem really mean. Pics on fb are not intimate, and in any case your mil is family. I assume your mum has clothes on in the picture? Stop being so silly and let your mil show the lovely pic to her friends. They won't actually care anyway, and they won't be blowing up their own copies and pasting them to lamp posts! Maybe you need some counselling or a slap.

AngelAtTheTopOfTheTree Sat 09-Feb-13 00:40:34

My Mum wouldn't want photos of her bandied around either OP. Nor would I be happy that she was showing photos of me in a bikini to checkout staff. My Mum is quite a private person so I wouldn't bow to your MIL's REPEATED requests. My Mum is not on FB - she thinks it is daft and I tend to agree with her. Your MIL sounds like a PITA. Why can people not just accept the answer of 'No' and a person's wishes? Really annoys me. That was a rhetorical questions btw.

LittleEdie Sat 09-Feb-13 00:49:40

Say no.s

IneedAsockamnesty Sat 09-Feb-13 01:17:32

I wouldn't like it either but I also hate anybody posting pics of my children on fb or anything like it.

MmeLindor Germany Sat 09-Feb-13 01:33:33

I'm going against the grain here to say YANBU.

She prints the photos in A4 and distributes them.

In A4

And hands out copies.

How many does she print, and what on earth makes her think that her friends will want an A4 portrait of her grandchild?

If she was printing some photos and showing to her friends, it wouldn't bother me. But giving then copies is weird.

bigfuckoffpie Sat 09-Feb-13 04:45:46

I'm with MmeLindor. If it's a small list and you know everyone really well, presumably you can trust everyone else to smile, say "ahh", and that's it. MIL is either going to see fewer photos, which presumably will annoy her if she realises, or stop giving out copies. I'd just bump her off your photo distribution list.

I wouldn't go in heavy handed, but it might be worth you or your DH very gently joking with her about her photo distribution habit, so it starts to sink in that she must be boring the socks off her friends, aquintances and local checkout staff.

I don't think you can stop people downloading pics if they appear on their screen, but I might be wrong.

Get loads of unflattering photos of her with the DC, perhaps go swimming or get them to wake her up by yelling "surprise!" and snapping her with her rollers in. Then have them printed really big and display them in her local shops, stick them on lamp posts up her street etc. Tell her you know how proud she is of her relationship with them and that you agree with her that the world should see it wink

mrsbunnylove Sat 09-Feb-13 07:11:09

she shouldn't be giving pictures of your family to anyone.
talk to her seriously over a cup of tea. tell her that although you love her and want to share with her, its an infringement of your right to a (private) family life if she then passes the photographs on. they're for 'us' not for 'them'.

AThingInYourLife Sat 09-Feb-13 07:20:46

If your mum is such a private person and this is such an intimate photo, you were very unfair to publish it on Facebook.

Any of the people who saw it when you posted it could have printed it out and brought it to the supermarket.

If you want to give the message that these are private photos, stop putting them up online on what is a largely public forum.

Am I the only one who finds it charming that your MIL is bringing Facebook pics to the offline world? smile

AThingInYourLife Sat 09-Feb-13 07:22:30

"its an infringement of your right to a (private) family life"

grin

Quick! Call the European Court of Human Rights!

AThingInYourLife Sat 09-Feb-13 07:26:27

You also have the option of taking her off the list of people who can see the embarrassing, personal pictures you're publishing.

They already on FB, so in theory anyone could print them. All a person does is Save As a click print.

If everyone can see them on FB, i can't see the difference with it being printed and handed out.

If you don't want people to have hold of intimate photos, including mil, don't post them on FB, problem solved!!!

natwebb79 Sat 09-Feb-13 07:41:42

Have to say this is another thread that has made me think I live on a different planet to most people. Is it really normal to insist on printing off A4 copies of personal photos and distributing them to random people? I wouldn't be happy. And if I did it I would expect somebody to tell me to stop it. I don't know anybody who feels the need to do that. Surely a "Please don't give them out to people" should be enough?!

exoticfruits Sat 09-Feb-13 07:45:57

I can understand it if you have embarrassing and unflattering photographs, but I can't see why a picture that you particularly like is a problem. I would dislike people publishing photos of me on FB when I am not on there and don't get to see them or know who is seeing them. I put very few photos on FB because most of the people I take photos of are not on there. I never put them on without asking them first. MIL has at least asked- the simple solution is never to show her photos that you don't want her to have.
Personally I would get the 2 grandmothers around to the house at the same time so they come to know each other well. Mine see each other without me and it makes life much simpler.

seeker Sat 09-Feb-13 07:48:12

I think it is mildly bonkers to force A4 prints of your grandchildren onto random strangers. But is is equally, if not more, bonkers to be massively bothered by it-particularly if they are pictures that you have already made public by putting them on Facebook!

Porkster Sat 09-Feb-13 07:52:25

I bet the checkout staff say, 'here comes the mad photo woman..'

MrsHoarder Sat 09-Feb-13 08:01:36

Yabu. Ok its a bit bonkers for her to wave around photos of you all in a4, but photos you put on Facebook should be considered to be eternally infinitely shareable attached to your name and professional reputation and worse that of your children.

So if its at all intimate or private, get it off Facebook. Pay for proper private webspace or email the photos instead. Or even better don't distribute them at all.

exoticfruits Sat 09-Feb-13 08:08:16

Agree with MrsHoarder. I bet the random people pay very little attention anyway. My reaction would be to say 'lovely' and instantly forgotten.

Footface Sat 09-Feb-13 08:14:19

Is she unapproachable, Why can't you just ask her not to print out this photo.

diddl Germany Sat 09-Feb-13 08:26:02

I think that YANBU.

It might be illogical since they are on FB.

But I also agree with MmeLindor

Printing off copies to give to randoms-weird!

seeker Sat 09-Feb-13 08:27:51

Wierd- but completely harmless and it gives her pleasure.

MmeLindor Germany Sat 09-Feb-13 19:53:54

It is completely different to FB.

If someone looks at my FB pic, they either know me or know the people I have given access to (not many folk cause I have it heavily locked down).

The chance of one of them deciding that they wanted to download and print a pic is vv low. And I would find it extremely odd if anyone did this. Not that I am not aware that they could but why would anyone other than the person actually ON the photo want a printout?

yy to 'here comes the mad photo lady' and to taking photos of her in unflattering poses and putting them on lamp posts around town.

MrsHoarder Sat 09-Feb-13 19:57:34

Mme L or Facebook has changed its privacy settings again. And its trivial to get photos off Facebook, plenty of the ones on our digital display were taken by friends at group events and lifted off Facebook.

MmeLindor Germany Sat 09-Feb-13 20:15:37

MrsH
I check FB privacy settings once a month, but yes in theory someone could take a pic from FB and print it.

I still think it is different - there viewing pics is passive, they pop up on my screen. To go to the bother of getting A4 (I can't get past that!) pics printed and to hand them out is actively distributing pics.

It is odd.

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