To feel completely different towards dog since having DD

(171 Posts)
Geekster Fri 08-Feb-13 19:10:05

We have a dog who we have always adored. But since we had DD last year, we feel different about her. We still really like her but not in the same way and sometimes she's a nuisance like trying to get DD's food. Don't get me wrong we would never hurt our dog or want anything bad to happen to her, and there is no way we would get rid of her. I always thought I would never feel like this, but do since we had DD. The dog has been good with DD though obviously we never leave them alone together. We will still be very upset when she dies but not distraught like we would have before DD. It doesn't make me a cold hearted bitch feeling like this, or does it?

CheerfulYank Fri 08-Feb-13 19:13:11

I don't think yabu. My dog was my baby before, and now he's just my dog. smile I adore him, he's the sweetest old boy, but it's not the same as before.

One of my good friends did rehome her dog after she had her DD...they barely had time for it before, so I wasn't surprised.

thesnowmanrocks Fri 08-Feb-13 19:14:56

No your not. Same here only its a cat! sad

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 19:15:00

I had two cats before I had my DS. I gave them away once DS was born.

really? i find that rather... odd, tbh.

no doubt loads of people will think that's fine, but it seems strange to me.

SitSpotSit Fri 08-Feb-13 19:15:08

I understand how you feel and I don't think it makes you a cold hearted bitch. We used to have two cats (one now sadly died) but they were our 'babies' and then when we had our children they just were not. We still loved them of course, but the children became our priority and our focus was on them rather than the cats - if that makes sense.

KatyTheCleaningLady Fri 08-Feb-13 19:17:05

I've heard other people say the same thing. My cousin told me that when she brought her daughter home, "suddenly the cat was just an animal."

NuzzleMyScratch Fri 08-Feb-13 19:18:21

Hmmm. Just shut the dog in another room when your DD is eating?

Geekster Fri 08-Feb-13 19:19:20

GlitterySkulls. I used to think it odd how anyone could feel differently once they had DC and couldn't understand how they could feel like that. Until we were in that situation. Not that everyone will feel differently towards their pets. We just do.

Believeitornot Fri 08-Feb-13 19:19:46

I don't understand why anyone would see an animal on the same level as their child, that they've felt grow in their tummy, given birth too and would die for.


YesIamYourSisterInLaw Fri 08-Feb-13 19:21:45

I think it's a bit odd but only because I can't relate to it.
I do think you'll feel differently as your dd grows and when she's older shell probably love the dog and they'll have a great bond

poozlepants Fri 08-Feb-13 19:29:10

Same with me but it was our cats. Someone who I thought adored their cats told me this before I had a child and I wouldn't believe it would happen to me - but it did.
I felt so guilty I spoilt them even more rotten. Now DS is a little older I have moe time fo cat love and it's better.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 19:35:21

I find these conversations quite sad. But our dogs are much younger than our children so there will be nothing to usurp them. However we got our dogs at a time we knew we could give them 100%. I just think that animals become superfluous -to people- it shouldn't be their problem, and it definitely isn't their fault. When you get a dog it should be for the life of the dog and not just as long as you want it for.

ilovesooty Fri 08-Feb-13 19:38:59

I had two cats before I had my DS. I gave them away once DS was born

I don't think the OP is BU in finding her emotional focus has shifted, but I'm disgusted by the casual way that statement's been thrown out.

shashep Fri 08-Feb-13 19:39:50

YANBU - was just the same with my dog - and as we farm, i spent a lot of time with him pre-babies. I never saw him as a 'child' as such - he was always the dog.

When the DC were babies the cat probably got less attention but I still loved her and tried to give her cuddles as often as I could. I was glad she didn't leave home because DS1 screamed the place down every evening. sad

Now they are older our current cat fits in brilliantly. She loves the DSs and gets a fuss off everyone and a choice of cosy beds at night. She is spoilt by us all. Pets are part of the family.

Herrena Fri 08-Feb-13 19:43:50

I feel like this about our cats. Once we brought DS1 home, they suddenly seemed so... feline! All funny-shaped eyes and big teeth, not cute little japanese anime-type faces like before.

19 months in and I now get frustrated with them as well as DS1&DS2 because they are just two more small mammals demanding my attention!

Hopefully they will put up with us (and the DSs) until we have time to properly fuss them again....

Also disgusted by getting rid of cats once a baby comes along, disposable animals for the heartless.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 08-Feb-13 19:45:11

I think that's really sad sad

I love our dog all the more for the fact that my children love him so much and get so much enjoyment out of him.

EauRouge Fri 08-Feb-13 19:45:12

I didn't feel the same way about my cats either. I still love them to bits but they are just cats now. They still get loads of attention- probably even more now as the DDs love them- but I don't feel the same way about them. I wouldn't say they were an annoyance or anything like that, they've just moved down the pecking order a bit. They are still much-loved family pets.

I felt a bit like this with our cats when dc1 was born, but as the dc have got older the cats are central to our family again, only now they have extra people to love them.

The dc have grown up with the cats, it's been lovely.

Why would you get rid of the cats once a baby comes along? How could you do it?

Bobbybird40 Fri 08-Feb-13 19:47:31

Agree about the giving the cats away business. Wtf is wrong with people?

Pigsmummy Fri 08-Feb-13 19:47:34

My cat has turned into a moody attention seeking pain in the ass since I had my baby, he is always crying for food even when just fed and gets under my feet, he also insists on sitting only knee when I am feeding baby. Hoping that he calms down a bit as he was lovely when I was pregnant, very attentive and watched over me.

NuzzleMyScratch Fri 08-Feb-13 19:48:23

God knows my life would be easier if I ditched at least one of my dogs. But absolutely not, never ever.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 19:48:45

disgusted? why? They were very young cats and one was forever wanting attention, there was no way I was keeping them due to knowing that there have been cases of suffocation due to a cat sitting on a childs face wanting their milk.

Cats were given to a loving home by the way --I didn't tie them in a bag and throw them in the river you know.

FantasticMax Fri 08-Feb-13 19:48:52

YANBU ... I feel exactly the same about my cat, although I still love her and would really miss her if she died, since having DD my focus had shifted away. It makes me sad. I would never give her up though. The cat has been so good with the baby and I make sure I give her plenty of cuddles after baby's gone to bed.

I was wondering how long it would take for the milk/suffocation thing to come up. sad

Happiestinwellybobs Fri 08-Feb-13 19:51:19

I find this really sad. Our pooch was certainly a child substitute after TTC for ten years. Yes, he isn't a child but he is our fur baby - he goes to daycare and everything grin. When we adopted DD, there was a shift in the household - and obviously we had to do things a bit differently, but we included him in everything so there wouldn't be any jealousy. Almost a year on, I love him just as much as ever, my DD and him adore one another, and I shout at them both as though we have two kids when they are both causing chaos together.

Indeed sparkling.

ilovesooty Fri 08-Feb-13 19:52:03

So you didn't consider your cats a serious, long term responsibility, Clipped?

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Fri 08-Feb-13 19:53:52

YANBU, OP. I think our feelings towards our animals do shift ever so slightly when children come on the scene. My dogs were everything to me. When my dc came along they probably got a little less attention, but I made up for that (hopefully!) by making sure they got even better walks with me and the pram, as I had more time on ML. As a bonus the kids got out every single day with the dogs- come hail/ snow/ shine- and grew into healthy, well-walked children, with a healthy relationship with dogs. As the kids got older, and needed me a little less, the dogs did too, and needed me a little more. Walking the dogs was always one of my main priorities- I felt I had responsibilities to them as well as to my kids, and that didn't change because I decided to have children.

Hoping the pp who "got rid of the cats" is just being inflammatory.

HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen Fri 08-Feb-13 19:54:39

Are you sure you feel differently?
You probably love your dog the same. Loving your own child is wonderfully all consuming. You can't compare the two.

echt Fri 08-Feb-13 19:56:02

Our dear old mog took a back seat for a few years, but re-emerged to be DD's friend, happy to be lugged around like a sack of spuds by any visiting child. He died at a ripe old, age, DD having grown up with him.

A dog is different, they need I find, so much more direct love and attention. I think of how our dog literally follows us from room to room, and looks into our faces for us to look back. If I could't give a dog the attention it had had, and it was unhappy, I'd re-home it. sad

This is not the same as feeling differently towards them, but behaving differently so they feel unhappy.

It's fine to feel differently about an animal when a child is born. I don't think it's ok to treat a living creature as a disposable object.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 19:57:32

Geekster why haven't you come back to your thread?

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 19:58:06

No ilovesooty, they were for christmas grin

NuzzleMyScratch Fri 08-Feb-13 19:59:30

Wow Clipped. I think the cats are better off without you.

MrsJamin Fri 08-Feb-13 20:00:07

Went through a similar thing but with cats - its reassuring that others have had a similar time. However now littlest child is getting not so little, we are all yearning for having cats again!

ilovesooty Fri 08-Feb-13 20:01:05

I think they had a lucky escape, Nuzzle. I can't imagine why she got them in the first place, or thinks her latest response is funny.

I think then I should have rehomed DS1 when DS2 came along. He was a very attention seeking toddler.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 20:03:49

Bunfight grin

NatashaBee Fri 08-Feb-13 20:04:51

YANBU, i felt the same thing about my cats tbh, for a while they were just an extra thing that needed attention. I will say though, that in the last couple of months, DS (who is now 18mo) has developed a real love for animals. His first words were 'cat' and '[cat's name], and he absolutely loves them... toddles up to them and says 'hello cat!' and tries to stroke them. He does need constant supervising around them but it is really sweet to see. I'm sure when your DD gets a big bigger, she will love the dog to bits and you'll find things a bit easier, as long as your house is set up so you can let the dog have some peace and keep them separate if needed.

More like catfight Clipped. sad

Pigsmummy Fri 08-Feb-13 20:06:13

If my cat doesn't calm down I will have to rehome him, last resort though.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 20:07:06

Not nice Clipped animals are tooooo serious subject for bunfighting

stubbornstains Fri 08-Feb-13 20:07:29

Yes sad

It was just me and my cat for so long. Now I have DS, and unfortunately his babyhood and toddlerhood is coinciding with her old age. If I could have decently rehomed her I would have, but she's too old, and frankly I feel like I'm just waiting for her to die.

When I'm exhausted from work and have just manhandled DS through the door, the last thing I need is another stinking cat turd on the carpet- she was always so clean, but like I said, she's old now. Pretty much senile in fact.

It makes me wary of ever having another cat ever again when this one dies, just in case I run out of love again sad

katiecubs Fri 08-Feb-13 20:09:38

I feel like this about our cat too I think - before she was my baby and I was besotted with her but now having DC in some ways I think more how much of an added responsibility she is.

I still love her though and would never get rid of her - its just like other people have said pets have to take the back seat.

TheCountessOlenska Fri 08-Feb-13 20:10:02

YANBU to feel differently. I felt the same about our cat when we first had DD . . . and I felt funny about DH for a good year shock blush , his face looked too big and all wrong!! (Didn't get rid of the cat or DH grin and love them both again now)

NorbertDentressangle Fri 08-Feb-13 20:11:41

I think its quite common to change how you feel about your pets when you have a baby (although thankfully I don't think its common to 'get rid' of them hmm)

When I had DD I found the cat annoyed me. I realised that after spending all day with a fractious, colicky baby who wouldn't settle I was getting really irritated when I finally got to sit down without a baby attached me only to have our overly affectionate cat appear on my lap with her nose in my face 0.5 second later.

In the long run she had to adjust to a new way of life post baby, just as we had to!

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 20:14:26

Oh get over yourselves I explained why I gave my cats away. Stop jumping up and down at how terrible a person I am grin

NuzzleMyScratch Fri 08-Feb-13 20:16:16
ilovesooty Fri 08-Feb-13 20:16:41

I can still feel disgusted by your reasons and say so if I want.

OliviaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 08-Feb-13 20:16:51
Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 20:17:52

That's a great rounded post Norbert. I can't imagine wanting to rehouse my dogs but to be fair I didn't have babies and dogs at the same time.

Ooh Nuzzle Sparkling Cat sometimes tries to put her nose in my mouth when i am asleep. She is stealing my breath. shock <rings Cats Protection for immediate pick up of cat>

calandarbear Fri 08-Feb-13 20:18:38

This is why I didn't get a pet until after we had children, it is common I think for animals that have been treated like bsbies to become just the cat or just the dog.
Our cat is six months old and is everybodies baby, even my three year old talks to her and treats her as if she is her baby.

MummytoKatie Fri 08-Feb-13 20:20:34

Never mind about pets - to a certain extent I feel that way about dh!

I still love him but if he died I would be very very sad but cope. I can't imagine coping if dd died.

And pre dd I would have run into a burning building to save him. Now I wouldn't as I wouldn't risk leaving dd with no parents. (And I'd be pretty annoyed if he ran into a burning building to save me.) Plus I'm carrying soon-to-be-ds. And I wouldn't risk him.

Oh and don't get me started on the whole "Jin chose to drown with Sun" thing on Lost. How selfish and irresponsible can you get? angry

Pre dd I'd have thought it really romantic! (I do know it isn't real!)

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 20:22:05

You most certainly can ilovesooty. However, disgusted is a very strong word and I would like to think it's used sporadically and for better reasons.

ilovesooty Fri 08-Feb-13 20:25:17

Ah, you see, that is where we differ. I think "disgusted" is a totally appropriate word to describe how I feel about the act of acquiring animals without looking at the long term picture, and getting rid when they cease to fit into a changed lifestyle.

stubbornstains Fri 08-Feb-13 20:28:02


This is why I waited to get a DP until after I had DS grin

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 20:30:16

Let's agree to disagree then huh ilovesooty.

I passed them on to a better owner that could given them the attention that they required, which is very acceptable from where I sit.

I was, if you look at it reasonably very responsible in doing this.

WaitingForPancakeDay Fri 08-Feb-13 20:31:06

I love my dogs as much as I did before I had DD and I love to see them play with her. I also really appreciate any time alone I have with them. I can understand your point of view but I find it a bit sad.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 20:33:53

Katie but that's different. I would die for my DC's but not my DH or my dogs. But it doesn't change the fact that you have a huge responsibility towards dogs/cats that you have before you chose to have a baby

prettysunset Fri 08-Feb-13 20:34:37

We're obviously very odd! Babies arriving realised how much we loved our (3 years old when first DC born) lovely dog for her simplicity, patience and undemanding love for us! Her acceptance of the new arrivals made us love her even more.

MrsDeVere Fri 08-Feb-13 20:36:25


I adore my pets but after having DD I did feel differently about my lovely, lovely dog.

I kept him and he went on till the grand old age of 19 so he didn't exactly pine away.

This bit makes me a bit sad but it didn't last long.....when i am pregnant I go right off my dogs sad. I don't like them near me or on the furniture at all. I think it is because my sense of smell goes haywire and it leads on from that. I look at them and think 'urggh dirt'.

Luckily it wears off not long after the baby is born. I am not having anymore babies sad so the dog (and the new one I am getting tomorrow squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!) are safe from my raging hormones.

I have never had DCs without also having a dog/dogs. We all rub along ok.

MrsDeVere Fri 08-Feb-13 20:39:55

Cats mugging babies for their milk?
Is that like the swans that can break a man's arm?

I know how you feel. My dogs were my babies before the real thing came along.
And now they just get in the way and are a chore. That makes me really sad and I feel very guilty but why with the awful weather I havent been able to get out much with baby dd and them and they bring muck into the house so they are pretty much living in the utility room and the kennels.
It's a tough one I do sympathise and I know you'll feel guilty like I do but kids come first I guess. hmm
I will make it up to them in the warmer weather when we are out and about lots. Til then they run about in our fields by themselves most of the day so it's not all bad.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 20:48:17

Who said they were muggers? Bit of a strong analagy there MrsD.

It was all over the news when I fell for my DS back in the dark ages that it happened and I didn't want to take that risk. Simple as that. Oh and apparently their shit could make a baby blind.

Out went the cats.

FeckOffCup Fri 08-Feb-13 20:52:23

I know exactly what you mean OP, I am fond of my cat and I would be upset if anything happened to her but she is not the focus of my attention the way she once was. I used to worry if the cat didn't come in when I thought it should, now I think well it'll come back when it feels like it (which it always does).

Geekster Fri 08-Feb-13 20:53:54

I'm back, was putting DD to bed and having a bath. I'm glad I'm not the only one who's feelings have changed. Reading the replies have made me realise its not too heartless to feel differently. I still love my dog, we still take her for two walks a day and make a fuss of her. Our DD adores her. Feel sorry for our dog as she is twelve and isn't getting a peaceful old age as DD likes trying to grab her fur. Obviously we don't let her and are trying to teach her to be gentle with the dog.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 21:03:19

You're still sounding heartless Clipped probably more so as it was just hearsay

DizzyZebra Fri 08-Feb-13 21:04:12

Animals are a pain with kids, but it gets better as dc get older.

ilovesooty Fri 08-Feb-13 21:04:36

Absolutely, Bowlersarm

It just sounds callous to me. Pets as disposables.

FernandoIsFaster Fri 08-Feb-13 21:06:10

Mrs DeVere - I was totally the same while bf. I adore my dogs but couldn't stand them near me while feeding dd, they suddenly just looked so dirty somehow!

I don't think YABU op. I felt totally the same about my two much loved dogs. Now they are just pets rather than babies and although they are still loved and looked after well they are definitely not as central to our lives as they were. I think that's normal though, and probably as it should be. I think lots of animals are turned into babies and it's not good for them really.

LST Fri 08-Feb-13 21:06:36

I love my cats. I love them the same now as I did before I had DC. We then had a puppy when DS was 8mo. It made me love my cats even more as they are no trouble at all!

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 21:06:42

Back in them days bowler before computers and the net we actually went on what people told us. Bad me for not putting animals before my child.

echt Fri 08-Feb-13 21:12:33

Clipped I think it's the expression of your actions which riles. "Gave away" is later qualified to include good new owners. However you undo it by " Out went the cats" later on.

porridgewithalmondmilk Fri 08-Feb-13 21:14:55

I had to rehome my dog (not because of children) - it was one of the worst experiences of my life and I still get choked up whenever I think about it. Threads like this are rarely helpful. Selfish people who don't care about their animals aren't going to change. However, I don't think I am selfish, I was just in an impossible situation but am sure some will think I should have worked through it somehow, I am not sure how though. sad

Footface Fri 08-Feb-13 21:15:13

We had two cats when ds1 was born, I adored them. But when ds came along I thought I didn't feel the same way. The cat was very old, and had been poorly a few times the previous year.

I say thought I didn't feel the same way as she had to be out to sleep a few months after ds was born. I was utterly devastated, and I still miss her. I honestly didn't expect that reaction.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 21:17:00

Well maybe you could have had a mind of your own and thought it through -pets may not be an instant threat to any children you might have..vigilance and cleanliness and all that. Also maybe if you we're planning children you shouldn't have had cats to entertain you in the meantime. I'm with ilovesooty - pets shouldn't be disposable. Sometimes rehoming is necessary but it shouldn't be taken lightly

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Fri 08-Feb-13 21:17:10

I can't imagine ever feeling like some of you have described let alone giving them away. Fuck! shock

TomDudgeon Fri 08-Feb-13 21:21:14

If you take mrsdeveres post word for word and substitute 14 for the age it sums up exactly how it's been for me.

stubbornstains Fri 08-Feb-13 21:22:48

Gird those loins may be surprised at yourself. And not in a good way sad

BOF Fri 08-Feb-13 21:22:57

Having kids has made me really appreciate the dog, tbh.

willesden Fri 08-Feb-13 21:24:27

I always say dogs and cats go straight back to the animal kingdom when the human baby arrives. No more cute photos to cats and dogs on facebook. Happens all the time. YANBU.

VenusRising Fri 08-Feb-13 21:25:43

This is very common, after all, I hardly even remember to water my pot plants now!

We got our cat after the dcs, and she fits into our family purrfectly!

stubbornstains Fri 08-Feb-13 21:27:51

Maybe the problem is that we shouldn't have elevated them from the animal kingdom in the first place? I did

I just advised a childless friend who was guilting about too many kitten pictures on FB to get a baby. Because then she could post lots of baby pics up and that would make her sooooooooo much less tedious to her online friends grin.

MummytoKatie Fri 08-Feb-13 21:29:31

Bowlers But I also have a huge responsibility to dh. I promised to love, honour and cherish him until death parts us. In front of rather a lot of witnesses.

Do I do that now? Not so much if I'm honest. Love - yes in a slightly vague, distracted tired way. Honour? Well I don't bonk anyone else (--haven't the energy--) . Cherish - I cherish the way that when he gets home I can then someone else takes a turn at explaining "why" for a while.

But it's not quite what I had in mind when we married.

Although I still feed him and am planning on keeping him. grin

stubborn grin

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 21:30:26

Out went the cats was a figure of speach grin

At the end of the day if you feel that you can't or don't want to do both anymore then re-homing an animal is perfectly justifiably ok in my opinion.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 21:36:40

Yes Katie I know you said all those things when you married your DH. What you didn't have to say was that you'd die for him. What changed was the fact that whereas you thought you would die for him, since having children you actively wouldn't. That's fair enough. Rehoming a dog because you just decide you don't have time for it, is an entirely different matter

Yep, same for me when DD was born last year - my cat was most miffed at no longer being the centre of attention. I was feeling very guilty before this thread, glad I'm not alone! Having a cat was definitely a sort of "dress rehearsal" for the emotional experience of being a parent; then the real thing came along and the whole focus of my life changed, and he went from furry baby to pain in my ass just a cat. Certainly never would have got rid of him though, in fact when DD was eight weeks we got a kitten to keep him company so now I have two pains in my ass grin

mrsbunnylove Fri 08-Feb-13 21:40:02

perfectly reasonable to love your child more than your animals and if necessary to make alternative arrangements for the animals.

So presumably you got some more cats after the DC got past the possible 'milk mugging' stage Clipped. The house doesn't feel right without a cat if you are a cat person.

muffinino82 Fri 08-Feb-13 21:42:15

stubbornstains There's no such thing as too many kitten pictures grin

CabbageLeaves Fri 08-Feb-13 21:42:36

My beloved dog came to me because someone wanted to get rid when he was 3 because he moults (who'd moulting eh)

He's adored, spoilt and a very very happy dog. So in defence of Clipped, getting shot can mean a happy ending

CabbageLeaves Fri 08-Feb-13 21:43:36

Getting shot was probably a poor choice of words

porridgewithalmondmilk Fri 08-Feb-13 21:44:00

That isn't fair at all on the animals though mrsbunny and I say that as somebody whose circumstances did change and I had to make alternative arrangements. But how awful to be a cat or a dog repeatedly passed from home to home because a baby comes sad I feel sad just thinking of that to be honest. Besides, there aren't a long waiting list of homes out there. My dog was snatched up as she was small, young and cute but many more aren't. I have three cats and one had been in a rescue centre for sixteen months before I got him, and I only got him as I am a sucker for a hard luck story (he's a great cat, no trouble - just old!)

Sparkling Cat came to us because her owner couldn't afford to keep her any more. sad

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Fri 08-Feb-13 21:45:24

DH dotes on the cat so much I think he would give a baby away first.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 21:48:49

Also Cabbage your story has a happy ending for you. Far too many animals don 't have a happy ending through absolutely no fault of their own

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 21:49:06

No, no more cats here. Found out i wasn't really a "cat" person.

Once again, I gave the cats to a better home.

I'm sure you did Clipped. You wouldn't rehome them to a crap home I hope.

Undecidedmare Fri 08-Feb-13 21:50:29

Well, I got my my cat from a rescue after being told I couldn't have children. I found I was pregnant the very next day! Our cat is now 13 and has managed to tear a strip off every one of our 4 children when they were new born!
I loved her and still do. Rehoming was never happening, even though my husband was keen. The cat now adores one of the children and ignores the other three and the feeling is mutual.I couldn't imagine life without her, even if she is a grumpy bugger.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 21:58:29

How many people can hold their hands up to getting their children hampsters then, now that in my book is cruel. Did you know that these poor animals spend their lives trying to gnaw their way out of their cages?

Re-homing an animal is not cruel when you know that it would be happier somewhere else.

No hamsters here.

I think you have convinced us you weren't cruel to rehome your cats Clipped. I am not sure what hamsters have to do with anything. confused

ilovesooty Fri 08-Feb-13 22:09:55

Found out i wasn't really a "cat" person

What a shame that experiment/dabble into the ownership of living creatures proved unsuccessful. What would happen if people generally acquired animals unthinkingly then got rid because they weren't as keen as they thought they might be?

Yes, your cats went to a loving home. That was fortunate. You still went into cat ownership without exercising responsibility or forethought.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 22:11:37

No hamsters here either Clipped

MrsDeVere Fri 08-Feb-13 22:13:21

You think mugging is stronger than killing? confused
'their shit can make a baby blind'

do you mean that some cats carry toxoplasmosis and this can be passed by handling the faeces? Toxoplasmosis can cause fetal deformities including blindness.

Most people just get someone else to empty the litter tray or wear gloves.


• Statistically, cat owners are no more
likely to get Toxoplasmosis than
non cat owners
• You are more likely to contract the
disease from handling raw meat than
from your cat

porridgewithalmondmilk Fri 08-Feb-13 22:14:10

ilovesooty - I sort of agree, but sometimes rehoming animals isn't because of lack of responsibility or forethought.

ilovesooty Fri 08-Feb-13 22:16:07

Oh, point taken porridge

Not all cases are the same.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 22:18:40

We are talking 15 years ago her MrsD. I'm sure that the case is different now and there is far more data on such a subject so I really don't know why you need to go on so.

porridgewithalmondmilk Fri 08-Feb-13 22:19:06

Sorry just re-read that - I'm still upset and defensive about rehoming my dog as I never thought I would sad and honestly, I miss her so, so much. I loved her to bits.

NumericalMum Fri 08-Feb-13 22:20:09

Shhh Mrsdevere or DH will realise I could've emptied the litter tray when pregnant all along!

We had two feline babies when DC was born but I actually went from being completely obsessed with them to really being terrified of them probably due to some rubbish Internet story the second I brought her through the door! Luckily it didn't last long and boy cat is obsessed with DC and girl cat is actively hateful of her. Luckily we all exist happily and girl cat has taken DH over as her pet! She doesn't get brushed daily as she did pre-DC but she is totally loved (they both are) and there was never a second that we considered rehoming them. We knew 10 years ago they were a lifetime commitment.

Clipped may I just say 'pot and kettle' with the 'need to go on so'. grin

MrsDeVere Fri 08-Feb-13 22:21:45

Go on so?
Stop talking bollocks.

You are the one who keeps posting little snippets justifying why you rehomed your cats. I don't give a rats arse.

But I do care about people posting misinformation. Nothing has changed in 15 years


ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 22:22:20

I stand by my opion on this subject as in if you feel that you can no longer look after your pet for what ever reason really, finding a better home for it is a responsible thing to do.

It is really allowed and you aren't an animal hater, really you aren't.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 22:23:56

As long as my name is mentioned by others I shall respond, it's a polite thing to do.

porridgewithalmondmilk Fri 08-Feb-13 22:24:20

The problem is, Clipped, there is a big decision between the one I had to make, where I still get upset eighteen months down the line, and your own posts - it did seem you were very quick to rehome your cats. It is difficult, I respect your right to do so but I do feel sad for the cats.

MrsDeVere Fri 08-Feb-13 22:28:46

Well surely I was only being polite as I responded to a post in which you mentioned my name confused

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 22:30:41

Yes Clipped rehoming can be a sensible thing to do. But you're coming across as just throwing out an old pair of shoes because they no longer suit you

bedmonster Fri 08-Feb-13 22:33:45

Clipped for what it's worth I agree with why you gave the animals away. You didn't want them any more and so rehomed them. Really can't see the big issue.
But then, I hate cats and dogs and would never want them stinking out my house grin so to me, they're 'just animals' and would come 2nd to any of my children. Or any other children come to think of it.

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 22:33:52

Ah but i wasn't telling you not to go on so and that you were talking bollocks was I.

I didn't really look back and crucify myself for a making a right decision in my case.

Life's too short. Make a decision and move on.

Yes I think we should all move on TBH.

bedmonster Fri 08-Feb-13 22:35:36

But Bowlers so what? The cats no longer suited her. And she said she didn't stick them in a bag and plonk them in the river but responsibly rehomed them. They're just cats!

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 22:35:40

I tend to keep old shoes for some reason grin

Or maybe we aren't moving on. hmm

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 22:38:44

I will if you will sparkling.


ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 22:41:53

cats are selfish little bastards anyway grin

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 22:42:02

That's the problem Clipped it's too callous an attitude. Gawd help all pets if their owners are like you. All too disposable

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Fri 08-Feb-13 22:42:44

I guess it comes down to whether you're an animal lover or not. To me it would never be a case of "they're just cats". Ours is part of the family. We took her on knowing it was for her life.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 22:45:13

Bedmonster they're not just cats-they're a responsibility

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 22:47:31

It's only a problem if you make it one Bowler, then I have to wonder why really.

People are also very allowed to decide that a pet isn't really for them and make more than adequate provisions for their welfare somewhere else.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Fri 08-Feb-13 22:52:40

I'm with BOF. I'm more likely to rehome my kids than my dog. grin

As my name suggests.

My dog is My Boy. He is my sanity. I treasure our walks. It's my time out, it gets me out of the house and away from the chaos. He doesn't ask things of me all the time, he doesn't fight or argue or scream or shout or demand or run amok or break things. He is always just there, when dh is at work all day. He follows me round the house sometimes, settling down in whichever room I do. My kids are lovely, don't get me wrong, but they're bloody hard work sometimes and my dog, isn't.

I'd be lost without him. I love my kids but I do look forward to them going to bed each night! My dog is currently curled up by my feet in from of the fire. Making no demands, just rolling over on his back and sticking all four feet in the air.


DreamingOfTheMaldives Fri 08-Feb-13 22:55:16

This thread has made me cry like a baby sad because I am pregnant with our first baby and hormonal and the thought that I will stop loving my wonderful dog as much and will just begin to tolerate him and find him a nuisance is heartbreaking.

Bowlersarm Fri 08-Feb-13 22:56:45

Gah Clipped your last post was quite eloquent and responsible. Your first post was irresponsible and glib. If you sensibly rehomed your pets in a responsible way then fine. But you said you 'just got rid of them' and that is just too callous for us dog/cat lovers

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Fri 08-Feb-13 23:00:28

Then you probably won't stop loving him Dreaming if that's how you feel. Don't worry!

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 23:03:26

Thank you bowler, I love animals too much to want to care for one if you know what I mean, most of my posts are very short and to the point of saying you can if you want and it's ok to responsibly "get shot" grin

stopgap Sat 09-Feb-13 00:31:41

Sad, but understandable.

My opinion of my terrier changed rapidly when she nipped my son a couple of times as he got more mobile. With perseverance, my toddler son and the dog are now the best of friends. Said dog is a ball nut, toddler loves throwing the ball, and she is no longer wary of his screeching/flailing/wobbly gait.

I bent over backwards to fix the animosity between dog and child, as I adore my pets. And toddler son is a lucky lad, to be growing up with two dogs.

JohnBender88 Sat 09-Feb-13 06:00:48

I still loved my dog to pieces when my daughter was born last year, he lived with my mum as he was the family dog.

He died this week and I'm devastated. I've never understood "It's just a dog/cat/etc".

trixymalixy Sat 09-Feb-13 06:13:54

YANBU, I felt similar about our cats after Ds was born. I still loved them, but they just seemed so much more of a pain.

A friend of ours who was pregnant mentioned that she was thinking of getting a dog when she went off on maternity leave as she would have so much more time for it. Thankfully we managed to persuade her to leave it until after the baby was born. She never did get the dog and thanked us for stopping her!

themaltesecat Sat 09-Feb-13 07:54:32

I loved my dog less fiercely when the baby came. Sad but true. It makes me scared of having another baby, tbh.

akaemmafrost Sat 09-Feb-13 08:48:25

I felt like this about our lovely, gentle, undemanding dog straight after ds was born. I asked the midwife about it and she said it was totally natural to feel like that as it was a subconscious need to protect your baby, ie not to want to have animals around them etc. I think this explained it very well and a few years on, now that my dc are not so small.

I still have my lovely old boy and love the bones of him. Even more so because he waited so patiently for years for me to have time for him again. He's 11 now but not showing it too much as yet, he's my best friend, honestly he is, always with me, always watching me, I am a lone parent and he makes such a difference to my life. I don't have to be lonely because he's always there. So I think the love comes back after a while and you should wait it out. Also agree with the poster who said that everyone's life changes when a baby arrives including pets and they have to deal with that.

cumfy Sun 10-Feb-13 13:18:10

But isn't the corollary to this that childless people are treating dogs and cats as surrogate children ?

I find that a bit unsettling!

NopeStillNothing Sun 10-Feb-13 13:32:54

Urgh, adding a big grin to the end of a post makes them no less unpleasant.

Theicingontop Sun 10-Feb-13 13:33:57

I loved my two cats before DS was born, and I know what you're talking about. I would never have given them away.

Sadly, a few months after DS was born, my girl got run over. It was horrible, but at the time I couldn't help but think I'd be more upset if she'd died before DS was born, and felt very guilty.

It will adjust! Now DS is nearly 3, and my cat adores him, DS adores the cat. Everything feels as it used to now.

I had my rescue moggie for 4 years before I had DS (so she was about 6 yo).
I know for a fact she walked on the worktops (the faint pawprints were a giveaway)
I used antibacterial spray , steamer and frequent handwashing.
She got used to not nosing at me when I was doing anything for DS (just moving her out the way)
She was a bit hmmwith DS,he was a noisy little blighter.

When I had DD she was fine with DC (A bit judgey,I hadn't got rid of my first litter for goodness sake)grin

When my DD was a baby ,she slept in one of those big tracel cots with a catnet over it. One night I walked by the door to see DCat snoozing at the foot of her bed. I'd forgotten to put the net on, so I lifted cat out and did so.

I remember my mum beating our cat round the house with a rolled up calender for going in my DBrothers cot.sad.
Not the cat's fault.

When I say our cat it wasn't my cat in my house. It was the one in the house when I was a child.

akaemmafrost Sun 10-Feb-13 19:54:43

Why shouldn't they cumfy? What's it got to do with you? My dsis cannot have kids, her two dogs are definitely child substitutes, why should that unsettle YOU?

MrsDeVere Sun 10-Feb-13 20:02:14

My friend has cats who she adores. She didn't want kids so her cats are not child substitutes. i don't think they should be described as such. Its like saying they are second best and to some people they simply are not.

They are beloved animals. They don't need to pretend they are children.
I am pretty sure the majority of people who cannot have children would rather have a child than a cat so is it fair to call their cat's substitutes?

Not saying this in a snotty way, I am just musing...


cumfy Sun 10-Feb-13 22:20:32

akaemma, because they are pets not children.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid Sun 10-Feb-13 22:28:41

I would be very uncomfortable if people were saying pityingly that my cat is a child substitute because I'm infertile.

Morloth Sun 10-Feb-13 22:29:57

Kids didn't change the way I feel about my pets, but I don't really understand the viewing them as anything other than pets in any case.

IME cats and newborns get on just fine. They both sleep a lot and like ti snuggle up. Worked for me.

akaemmafrost Sun 10-Feb-13 23:35:21

Yes, I get that. I still don't get why it concerns you, surely it's up to the person affected how they wish to cope with THEIR childlessness and how THEY wish to view the animals that bring them comfort?

cumfy Sun 10-Feb-13 23:46:12

akaemma, because this thread is about how people feel about their pets before and after childbirth.

akaemmafrost Sun 10-Feb-13 23:48:33

Yes but I am asking you why you feel "unsettled" by other people dealing with their childlessness in whichever way they see fit? Why does it make you feel that way?

PickledInAPearTree Sun 10-Feb-13 23:49:54

If I'm 100% honest this happened to me too.

I think its just being very tired and stressed, I was so fond of my cat and then for a few months he became just a chore. It wasn't about him being near the baby or anything like that I'm not sure what it was.

I'd never get rid of him and over the past few months I have felt some of the old magic return, he is a lovely cat and I tried my best not to let him see and I felt really rubbish about it too.

No DS is a little older he has bonded with the cat a bit (not that the cat is overly fond of him) and seeing that and DS face light up when he comes in the room is nice.

MrsDeVere Mon 11-Feb-13 07:43:20

I don't understand why it would be unsettling either. Unless of course the animal was treated like a child substitute when there was already a child. I know of cases like that. Pets given more love and affection than children because they are less challenging hmm

Or when people say 'I know how hard it is for you, I lost my dog/cat last year' when talking about a child dying.

BinksToEnlightenment Mon 11-Feb-13 07:51:36

I felt like this about my cat for a while. She left (to live with some rotten cat stealer) for about a year. She comes back more and more now.

I just didn't have time for her. I feel dreadful but it was the truth. And my son took to screaming and pulling her long fur, and she was far too sweet and gentle to do anything about it.

He's much better now. He can stroke her almost gently and I'm teaching him to whisper shout CAT!!!

He loves her and gets very excited to see her.

Anyway, point is, it's probably just a stage and will get loads easier.

Geekster Mon 11-Feb-13 16:52:49

I think the posters who said you start to love your dog more again are right. I took DD for a walk in her pushchair this aft so we could take our dog for a walk. Our twelve year old dog reverted back to a puppy in the snow and was so excited to be going for a walk with us. It's still not the same love as before DD but its still there - thank goodness.

Happiestinwellybobs Mon 11-Feb-13 18:50:01

I am infertile. Until we adopted our DD last year we had waited for 10 years to have a child. My dog helped with my maternal feelings - he was in effect a child substitute. And I can see absolutely nothing wrong with that - yes I understand he is a dog. He is not a child, but he is completely and utterly adored. He is an important part of the family. When DD arrived, he was no less important. She goes to nursery, he goes to daycare. He comes on holiday with us. When I'm at home, the three of us are together (until he gets fed up and pleads to go into the other room to snooze). I cannot see why anyone would view this as unsettling.

MrsDeVere Mon 11-Feb-13 19:16:52

Nor can I happies
But really, if he was a child substitute you would not have felt the need to adopt surely?

That is really not meant to offend. I am trying to say that dogs and cats are important enough in their own right not to need to be labelled as substitutes for something else.

I mean, I am not having anymore children and I am on permabrood. So instead of having a baby two years after having my last I went and got another dog. So in a way it is a substitute for having a baby but in another way it isnt. Because if I am honest I would love another baby, the dog doesn't make up for that.

Congratulations on your new addition. I hope everything is going well smile

Happiestinwellybobs Mon 11-Feb-13 19:48:57

MrsDeVere. Yes, you're right. I never thought of it like that. He did provide a much needed maternal outlet for me whilst we were battling through the highs and mainly lows of fertility investigations. But we still pursued adoption to complete our little family. But we still have "Max & mummy time" once DD is in bed - sad I know smile

Our new addition is amazing. I can't believe it is nearly a year since we brought her home. And she adores him too, which is even better!

MrsDeVere Mon 11-Feb-13 20:04:46

I am so glad it has gone well smile

Mega bonus that she and the dog get on so well grin

slight diversion....the new dog that I mentioned above is meant for my adopted DS. The dog is also 'adopted' (although its not a term I really like to use about animals) and a 'rescue'.

This has prompted some interesting and sometimes difficult discussion with DS about his early life. He has ASD and learning difficulties so finds it hard to find the words. I find the most surprising things can prompt him to open up about how he feels.

Dogs are fab aren't they smile

Happiestinwellybobs Mon 11-Feb-13 20:25:02

I agree - dogs and children together are wonderful as they relate so well to one another (and in our house gang up on me!) Although DD is young (21 months), we talk about adoption to her, and say exactly the same about our pooch - that he came to live with mummy and daddy as he couldn't stay with his own smile.

blondefriend Mon 11-Feb-13 21:55:36

This thread has moved some feelings that I had buried. I had two dogs before my children and I loved them (although they were never really my "children"). My JRT died when my daughter was 3 months old - we had her put down because she was very elderly (16-17) and in pain. It was the right thing to do and I have no guilt there. It was just coincidence that I had a new baby.

However my beautiful lurcher (12) was put down when my ds was 6 weeks old. Ds was extremely poorly when born and I spent all my time in Great Ormond Street with him, even travelling to Berlin for medical care. She was a one person dog and went down hill very fast, she lost kilos in weight (not good for a greyhound cross), spent her entire time shaking and whining and was urinating constantly. We tried numerous medications and even tried her in different houses with different (familiar) people such as my parents and in laws. However she just wanted me and that was something I couldn't give, I needed to put my ds first. My OH was going through hell trying to raise a 20 month old, work FT and visit us in London 3/4 times a week and couldn't cope with her. We eventually had her put down and that will be a day that is with me for the rest of my life. I am crying as I write this, I will always feel like I failed my beautiful girl.

What I am saying is that I loved my dog. She was amazing with my daughter who could walk her on the lead at 18 months old. I would have loved to be able to give her the time and love she needed but the circumstances weren't planned. My human family came first but I will always remember her with guilt and her picture still graces the walls of my house including a canvas sat opposite me right now. I would love to be able to put my hand on her gentle head right now. sad

I know I will be judged for this but honestly I couldn't feel any worse than I do.

plim Mon 11-Feb-13 22:12:38

We rehomed our dog when'd dd3 arrived. He was jealous and became really depressed! Think it was because he thought he was my baby - We found a good home for him and it was the hardest decision ever, I still get photos of him etc. Loved him to bits before the baby arrived but couldn't risk him being knarky with the baby. Very sad though sad

goingupinfumes Mon 11-Feb-13 22:19:18

I have two dogs and just loved watching the interaction between my DS and the dogs as they grew up, I guess the dogs were always just my dogs to start with and didn't sleep on beds and sofas and take any space that would be children space? I think it really depends on how your dogs were treated and indulged before children came about.

Geekster Tue 12-Feb-13 09:06:05

So sorry you had to go through that blondefriend. It sounds like you did everything you possibly could for your lurcher. You just couldn't split yourself in two. It sounds like your dog was getting unhappy, and I don't mean that was your fault, you did the only thing you could do in the circumstances. It's not like you didn't try everything you could first. Your dog clearly loved you and you did the same back by having to do something you didn't want to do for your dogs sake. Also sounds like she had a good life with you.

NopeStillNothing Tue 12-Feb-13 09:23:30

Oh God blondefriend I don't think anyone could judge you! What an awful situation for you sad

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now