To Think Redundancy

(51 Posts)
lazybastard Fri 08-Feb-13 06:49:03

Is hard enough to deal with without people thinking it gives them the right to treat you like dirt? Worse still think they can treat your children like dirt.

meditrina Fri 08-Feb-13 06:53:13

Are you OK?

What's been going on?

lazybastard Fri 08-Feb-13 07:10:39

People I thought were friends are now blanking me in the street, defriended me and blocked me on FB. Disclaimer I've avoided speaking about redundancy on FB.

Another Mum has told their child to stop playing with dd because she doesn't want her associating with 'free school meal brats'.

I've been called lazy, a scrounger, stupid. I'm having a bad day and the stress is getting to me.

foslady Fri 08-Feb-13 09:27:13

Until you've been made redundant, you don't know how shit it is - they're shallow twats who but for the grace of God could be in your situation. You have my sympathy OP you deserve better 'friends'

TroublesomeEx Fri 08-Feb-13 09:32:25

You have my sympathy too. How ridiculous some people are!

On an intellectual level, you have to remember that people behave like this because they convince themselves that things like redundancy and benefits only happen to other people, people who are lazy, people who deserve it. When the truth is, it can happen to anyone. And when it does, it brings it a little bit closer to their door. Which means they have to make those assumptions about you, or it could just as easily happen to them... When of course, it could.

On an emotional level, you really do deserve better friends!

Wow. That is appalling. I never experienced this when I was made redundant. Poor you.

Well I wouldn't want me or my kids to be friends with people like this. Easier said than done I know.

Stay strong. YANBU

diaimchlo Fri 08-Feb-13 10:39:50

You have my sympathy and empathy. I agree totally with everything FolkGirl has said.

My son-in-Law is being made redundant from the Army this year, an employment that a couple of years ago you would have taken as being for life. So my comments to the acquaintances, they were certainly not friends and the bigoted mother would be "There for the Grace of God go you"....

Please execpt a big HUG from me xx

kalidanger Fri 08-Feb-13 10:42:38

Golly, that's awful OP. when I was made redundant I got nothing but sympathy from friends, family, acquaintances and strangers!

I can't really wrap my head around why people would be so horrible to you..?

FellatioNels0n Fri 08-Feb-13 10:42:42

Are you serious? All of that just because you/your DP have been made redundant? Is there more that you are not telling us? It seems to be a ridiculous over-reaction and very nasty behaviour indeed. And from more than one person? confused Something doesn't sound right to me.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 08-Feb-13 10:45:23

That all sounds very strange OP, not to mention upsetting.

DH has been made redundant a couple of times but we have never experienced any ill-feeling from anyone in relation to it.

Could anything else have happened? Did the other Mum actually use the phrase 'free school meal brats'??

RedPencils Fri 08-Feb-13 10:47:59

Really? You need some new friends. I had nothing but sympathy when I was made redundant.

As others have said, it can happen to anyone.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 08-Feb-13 10:50:15

sounds awful OP, but I sort of know what you mean. I was made redundant and one of my closest friends said about some redundancies at her firm that 'they were just sorting the wheat from the chaff'. And I thought so that is what you think of me then! She later got made redundant herself which made her change her tune rather! And made me think, serves you right

Trills Fri 08-Feb-13 10:51:49

It seems you didn't have very good friends... I can't imagine anyone I have ever met behaving in this manner, let alone anyone I would call a "friend".

dreamingofsun Fri 08-Feb-13 10:54:18

lots of people i work with have been made redundant. its an occupational hazard and you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

they are showing their ignorance and stupidity.

I assume you are applying for other jobs. so how on earth someone can complain that you are lazy is just plain stupid and ignorant.

ignore them. they weren't really friends.

good luck with your hunting. lots of people i know have ended up with better jobs as result.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 08-Feb-13 10:59:42

Really? You know some strange people.

Redundancy is a normal part of working life, especially in the private sector. Businesses overstretch, fall victim to recession, people are made redundant. It's happened to many people I know, especially in jobs relating to construction. They've all found other jobs, not necessarily ideal ones at first but they've climbed back.

It's happened to me once. I do always say 'the role was made redundant (by external circumstances)', which it was, not 'I was made redundant' and I do correct people who say the latter - petty but words inform thinking and some people don't really understand the difference between redundancy and being sacked, so I want to dispel any idea that it was about my performance.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 08-Feb-13 11:07:09

Also, it's an irritating cliche when others say it but can be true, so how about responding with 'oh, I see it as an opportunity, it's really quite exciting, being able to step back and reassess what I really want to do. It's so easy to get stuck in a rut, isn't it?'.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 08-Feb-13 11:11:26

Are you sure this is a result of your redundancy?

I have been made redundant and so have enough people that I am close to. I've never known of experiences like this as a result of redundancy.

FellatioNels0n Fri 08-Feb-13 11:12:32

Sometimes people are sacked for being a bit rubbish, or just wrong for the job, or for not being the right fit politically, with the layer of management above them - too many differences of opinion on policy/direction. The official line is that it is redundancy, but it usually isn't.

Sometimes it can be sorting the wheat from the chaff. Sometimes, in times of recession and belt-tightening a company needs to streamline and it will use the opportunity to get rid of dead wood that it has been 'carrying' and tolerating through the boom years. But when times are hard no-one gets a free ride.

Other times it really does not matter how fabulous you are. Either the company is in huge trouble and has to get rid of tons of people/everyone, or they are re-structuring, relocating, or have been taken over and no-one needs two head of HR or two FDs or whatever. It sucks but it's life, and almost everyone I know at all levels of seniority has had it happen to them at least once.

"People I thought were friends are now blanking me in the street, defriended me and blocked me on FB. Disclaimer I've avoided speaking about redundancy on FB."
This is very weird behaviour on the part of these people. Very weird. If it were happening to me, I would not connect their behaviour to my redundancy, it's just not what I would expect (sympathy). Is it possible that there is something else going on that you don't know about? Is someone spreading a malicious rumour, e.g. that you weren't made redundant but were sacked for gross misconduct? Or something entirely unconnected with working? Is there a link (person, activity, placer) between the people involved?

placer Doh!

ibizagirl Fri 08-Feb-13 12:16:56

Sorry to hear that OP. The so-called friends of yours are not real friends at all are they? They are idiots. My mum has just been given 8 weeks notice on her evening job. The people there are on £40,000 and some are really devastated as they have quite big mortgages etc. Some of the younger people have found jobs but the ones in their 40's or older can't find anything, especially with the kind of money that they have been on. You have my sympathies and good luck xx

Good point ^

Glittertwins Fri 08-Feb-13 12:43:28

Nothing like this happened to either DH or myself. I wouldn't like to live where you do if this is said.

PessaryPam Fri 08-Feb-13 13:55:27

"Free school meal brats"? Surely not. Is this the only reason they have fallen out with you? Please tell us where you live so we can all avoid the people who live there!

I'm so sorry to hear this OP

Some people really are shallow arseholes & have swallowed the propaganda that the politicians have been throwing out recently. I was made redundant last August, with 7 days notice. It hurts enough without people acting like this, or others thinking that they can't just be behaving like this without something other reason.

Hope that things improve on the job front for you quickly.

FellatioNels0n Fri 08-Feb-13 16:05:20

Where is the OP? confused I think something is not quite right here.

andubelievedthat Fri 08-Feb-13 16:38:14

Oh no they cannot treat u like dirt ,to achieve that you have to let them.couple accross st, fella lost ?his job/position/whatever ,as was revealed! his partner would not let him tell anyone till he got a new "position "ffs, my fella ,? if he lasted till lunchbreak it was a result ! a week? hell,we partied !

FellatioNels0n Fri 08-Feb-13 16:40:38

What? confused

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 08-Feb-13 16:46:08

lol at the last two posts. Fell I am with you on that one. I did manage to decipher it, and if it were me I would be very very proud to have such a fine fellow

Glittertwins Fri 08-Feb-13 16:58:19

I got hauled into the meeting room at 4pm on a Friday afternoon, no notice whatsoever and out the door supervised 30 mins later. I wasn't the first out and the rest of them were wondering what was going off as people were slowly picked out. What they did to us was not legal either.

PatriciaHolm Fri 08-Feb-13 17:04:04

First post, no return. How very odd...

FlorriesDragons Fri 08-Feb-13 17:09:54

This sounds like a post which could have been written thirty or forty years ago (minus the Facebook/Mumsnet bit grin).

The attitudes about benefits which this government seem to be fostering is shocking to me. Especially when they have cut a lot of jobs and made a lot of people redundant themselves.

lazybastard Fri 08-Feb-13 17:23:22

Sorry I've taken so long to reply, not stopped all day.

It's 2 people who are being nasty. Only link between them that I'm aware of is the DC's school. The one who's blanking me I went through school with. So angry with myself for not realising before now how nasty she is.

My redundancy I was the 35th of 54 to go. DH's redundancy his company restructured and several departments were closed down.

Definitely job hunting but so far I've only found a part time job but trying to turn it into an opportunity and have applied to retrain.

FellatioNels0n Fri 08-Feb-13 17:29:50

I find it really hard to believe that someone would say to their child 'don't play with the free school meals brat' just because you have both been made redundant. I am sure your situation is shit and you are at a low ebb, but I think your perspective has become clouded and you are either imagining it, or there is another reason for people ostracising you that you are either not aware of, or are in denial about.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Fri 08-Feb-13 17:33:02

"Free school meal brats"

What a charming woman she sounds.

Booyhoo Fri 08-Feb-13 17:36:01

is this for real? where do you live OP that people act like this? it doesn't sound normal.

lazybastard Fri 08-Feb-13 17:38:21

Don't believe me then, some people are vile.

What exactly do you think I'm in denial about. I've never deliberately upset someone in my life. I may have said the wrong thing at times in the past but I have been going through every conversation in my head to try and work out if I've said something offensive accidentally. I honestly can't think of anything.

Booyhoo Fri 08-Feb-13 17:38:26

i'm with you FN.

lottiegarbanzo Fri 08-Feb-13 17:59:07

Well, if they're vile, they're vile, probably about all sorts of nonsense and to all sorts of people and now you know, you've saved yourself ever wasting time on them again.

allgoingtoshitnow Fri 08-Feb-13 18:53:57

If your posts lately are anything to go by, then its not your redundancy thats causing these issues, its the way it has impacted you and your general demeanor.

Or in other words, cheer the fuck up.

CloudsAndTrees Fri 08-Feb-13 18:55:50

Are these two people friends with each other? I'm just wondering if there was some kind of problem between your dc and one of their dc and maybe that's why they are being weird.

SolomanDaisy Fri 08-Feb-13 19:13:39

I very much doubt it's about your redundancy, which was quite a while ago if you're the name change poster I think. If your attitude in real life is anything like your posters, I suspect you're not very cheery to be around. You seem quite fixated on the redundancy, have you had any counselling?

ClippedPhoenix Fri 08-Feb-13 19:17:52

I was made redundant and the end of the year and it's a bloody horrid feeling. If these people are doing what you say then block and delete them. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say.

annielouisa Fri 08-Feb-13 19:45:35

I was made redundant in 2011 and my DH had been mede redundant twice before and driving for an agency on and off (more on than off). I was devastated but I picked myself and applied everywhere I could think. I had a long notice period and found a job a couple of weeks before the notice period ended. It was a temporary contract but kept being extended and then a service restructure, a couple of months back I applied for and got a job in the restructure so I am now a full time member of staff.

Life can be difficult but if you carry a negative cloud around with you whatever you will be tainted. Try and think of all the positives in your life focus on retraining because what ifs will always drag you down

PurpleStorm Fri 08-Feb-13 20:21:57

It's pretty horrible for people to be treating you badly because you've been made redundant.

Not normal behaviour at all, in my experience. I've been through redundancies, and I've never come across this sort of attitude. Although round where I live, it's not at all unusual to hear of redundancies, so I guess most people I'll meet are used to the idea that it can happen to anyone.

It might be difficult, but just do your best to ignore these people.

MarinaTheMarvellous Fri 08-Feb-13 21:03:26

A charming friend of mine when telling us about her DH having been made redundant commented 'well it just goes to show it can happen to anyone' . . .this to me and another friend, both of us having had experience of DH being made redundant which she knew. In her mind though it was only when it happened to her that it was noone's fault!

ThePinkOcelot Fri 08-Feb-13 21:07:06

OMG, that is shocking! I was made redundant in 2010 and can honestly say I did not come across anyone like that at all. Luckily I was only unemployed and signed on for a month, so not out of a job for long although my new job is less money than I was on before.
Good luck on the job front! xx

financialwizard Sat 09-Feb-13 06:06:13

I was made redundant 5 times in 5 years at one point. It was a nightmare because at the time I was a single parent with a mortgage, etc. every time I managed to pick myself up and dust myself off and got another job within a couple of weeks. It was bloody hard work, but needs must.

nefertarii Sat 09-Feb-13 07:39:09

Sorry op I agree with those saying its something elsem you may not even know it happenedm

Did you actually hear her what she said about free school meal?

nefertarii Sat 09-Feb-13 07:41:32

Your op also implies a few people blocked you and another mum won't let her child play with yours. is it a group of people or just these 2.

HollyBerryBush Sat 09-Feb-13 07:42:24

redundancy is terrible, even when you know its coming, have prepared for it and even actively sought it under a voluntary scheme. If you are used to getting up everyday and life having a purpose it's a shock to the system, akin to aberevement really in some ways. You have all that 'what do I do now' to deal with plus, as I said, even if you taken a voluntary package, that niggling thought is in the back of your mind that you aren't as indispensable as you thought you were.

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