Just wondered over to the G&T section

(48 Posts)
BlipbipBeep Thu 07-Feb-13 16:10:13

Had an interesting first parent teacher session with DS2's nursery teacher (he is three) She thinks he is very bright and now I am very proud grin. So I thought, what the heck? lets have a look and see what the G&Ts talk about (I used to think it stood for gin and tonic, clearly he doesn't get his brains from me).

Ooops smile I am just never going to be that sort of parent. DS loves learning, I know that, but to me he is just a normal little boy. Am I really stunting his potential by not being super mum?

FlorriesDragons Thu 07-Feb-13 16:15:16

G and T is a scary place. grin

I was a gifted child. Thank God Mumsnet wasn't around in those days!

BlipbipBeep Thu 07-Feb-13 16:17:17

Isn't it! I had to leave pretty sharpish for fear of an inferiority complex

Machadaynu Thu 07-Feb-13 16:18:47

I don't really understand your question.

One of the few things Michael Gove has ever said that makes any sense is that all children need to be challenged. If they are not, they learn to get by without putting in any effort - that becomes normal.

It's then impossible for them to achieve their potential, because their 'normal' is not to really try. Eventually there will come a point where the less able people who learned to try will do better than a more naturally talented person who learned not to try. Sadly I know this from personal experience. I got a worse A level maths grade than a girl that my teacher at junior school used to get me to help during maths lessons, for example.

Making sure your child is pushed to learn doesn't make him not "normal", nor do you have to be a "super-mum" to achieve it.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills Thu 07-Feb-13 16:22:17

I think you probably wandered.

BlipbipBeep Thu 07-Feb-13 16:24:11

Its light hearted Macha. DS is three, they have clearly identified that he is bright in school and have allsorts of plans to challenge him within a nurturing environment. I knew he was bright before he went - his nursery take great pride in telling me of his many achievements grin I don't feel at this age he needs any more stimulation.

BlipbipBeep Thu 07-Feb-13 16:24:30

Trills - you are probably right

ouryve Thu 07-Feb-13 16:25:08

OK, so maybe G&T isn't the place for you, OP.

What's your question?

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sirzy Thu 07-Feb-13 16:25:23

I know what you mean, some parents just seem to use it as a place to show off what their child can do, or to try to find out how to push them into something which I think is a shame as it should be a good area of support for parents who need it.

BlipbipBeep Thu 07-Feb-13 16:25:50

Beer - I suppose that there is a common conception that all posters in AIBU are spoiling for a fight? generalisations exist

PerAspera Thu 07-Feb-13 16:25:51

Agree with Machadaynu. I was clever when I started school, loved learning etc. My first year at primary, I was put up a year and was easily doing the primary 2 work. Then it stopped and I "redid" primary 2 with those of my own age.

I stopped working because I didn't need to. I cruised, and did the bare minimum for all my academic life. I do have a degree, but I know it could have been so much better than it was.

Now I'm in a job where I am just cruising and am not challenged with a crap salary.

Kids should always be challenged and stretched - maybe not all the time, but certainly academically.

G and T??? Does that not mean Gin and Tonic?? What other G & T is there? smile

Machadaynu Thu 07-Feb-13 16:27:09

BlipbiBeep - the school sounds great. I'm not sure the pre-school the kid goes to have twigged she can read yet - but they are great in every other way, and the kid has great fun there.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Machadaynu Thu 07-Feb-13 16:28:10

PerAspera - you've just described my life - I was put up a year and back again too.

BlipbipBeep Thu 07-Feb-13 16:29:31

I actually don't agree, there is a difference between clever and ambitious. You may be very bright but obviously lacked ambition.

Sirzy Thu 07-Feb-13 16:31:52

I agree Beer, but I think its down to the tone and some of them do appear to just be boasting whereas others it is obvious they are after support rather than being told "wow your child is great"

(I don't think I have ever posted there by the way and would never consider telling a poster they sounded like they were boasting thats just how some of the posts read)

PerAspera Thu 07-Feb-13 16:34:30

It's not a lack of ambition; it's a lack of knowledge of how to be ambitious.

If, from the time when you're 6, you never have to try to be able to do anything educationally because it makes sense, and the teachers don't stretch you because you always get top marks and get bullied mercilessly because of it then you are never challenged and don't learn how to do it yourself.

SolidSnake Thu 07-Feb-13 16:34:53

Being a gifted child is not all it cracks up to be sometimes, trust me.

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 16:35:20

I get really wound up by the "like you and like I"

I must be G&T at pedantry!

Machadaynu Thu 07-Feb-13 16:36:04

BlipbipBeep I don't agree. I was very ambitious, and still am, but I didn't learn how to stick at anything and get results. My experience when I was younger was that if I couldn't do anything straight away, I was probably doing it wrong. Obviously things you learn when you are young are hard to un-learn,even if you know they are wrong. What you learn as a kid shapes your life. I was in my mid-30's when I realised that when my intelligent friends said they had "done no work" they meant they hadn't done much, or felt they should have done more. And when I say "realised" I mean one of them told me. I meant I had literally done nothing. The revision I did for my university finals wasn't revision - it was the first time I'd opened the book. And I did it whilst walking to the exam hall. You would no doubt call that laziness, but I genuinely think it was because of the habits I learned at school.

seeker Thu 07-Feb-13 16:36:57

And I don't agree with stretching children- it makes them a funny shape.

I do agree with exciting them and challenging them. Regardless of their G&T ness

SolidSnake Thu 07-Feb-13 16:40:27

PerAspera Exact opposite for me. I was considered a 'gifted' child and was pushed and pushed and pushed and the expectations for me were too great. I think everyone overestimated my intellectual prowess and I couldn't cope with failing and disappointing everyone, developed crippling mental health problems with stemmed from the expectations and dropped out of school at 16.

Though obviously, mine was a rare case. Most G&T children grow up to be bright and happy. smile

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosyRoo Thu 07-Feb-13 16:49:18

My experience is similar to Machadaynu's. I managed to get through GCSEs and A levels, and into a good university, by doing very little work and by choosing the subjects I found easiest. At university this approach didn't cut it and I didn't do as well as I could have. Since then I haven't achieved anything. I got into the habit of thinking that success would be handed to me on a plate, and didn't try at anything. I'm not above average intelligence though. I think I just found school exams quite easy.

TwinTum Thu 07-Feb-13 16:56:08

Non-stealth boast coming up...

I don't think it is always true that a child who is not challenged at a young age ends up cruising forever more. I was identified as very bright but my primary school acknowledged to my parents that they could not challenge me. I ended up with straight As at O and A level and a first from Oxford (and a very good career). I really enjoyed primary school and do not recall feelings of boredom. AI lived in a grammar school area in the days before tutoring, so did have more of a challenge at that level (although i did not find o levels difficult so suspect i did cruise up to at least age 16). I was able to stop the cruising when needed though.

My brother, on the other hand, was very similar at primary school and I suspect cruised all through senior school (straight As at A level etc). I think University was more of a challenge for him, and although he ended up with a 2:1 from Cambridge, he has really struggled in his working life. He veers between jobs that are the right level for him ability wise, but which he finds too stressful (possibly because he had never needed to get into good working habits), and jobs which are too "easy" for him which end up boring him.

Clearly not everyone reacts the same way.

Machadaynu Thu 07-Feb-13 17:04:49

TwinTum - I think it's the whole school life that is important - you're only 11 when you go to secondary, which is still young. A friend from my junior school who was also 'clever' went to a private grammar school at 11 whereas I went to a state school. Although I was in the top set, I was with people from my junior school who I'd considered to be very average - I didn't know then that my junior school was one of the better ones, of course. The friend who went to the (fee paying grammar) is now doing something complicated with String Theory, whereas I'm more like your brother (apart from the results, AABE at A-level and a 2:2 from a Russell Group uni for me, although I was sent on the open day to Cambridge)

You're very lucky you could turn it off and on. I'm nearer 40 than I would like and am now really battling to make something of myself - and here I am chatting on MN rather than doing some work!

Pagwatch Thu 07-Feb-13 17:11:16

I think there are boasty people with smart kids who want to bang on about it.
I think there are parents struggling with issues thrown up by having a very smart child who want to talk about it.
I am not sure you can wander/wonder into G&T and decide they are all the former and then start a thread about it without being at least a bit goady.

Give me a good 'my foetus is learning Japanese' thread and I will chuckle along. But not sure this works.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 07-Feb-13 17:13:36

OP to answer your question will you stunt his potential, no I don't think you will. I think it is counter productive with many children to push and push them. I have known a good handful of very bright children who just couldn't cope with that kind of pressure, my sister included. They have all gone on to under achieve (if you count the only kind of achieving worth having as academic) and some to have mental health problems.

I think the best way is to support and encourage and leave those who want to be tiger mothers to get on with it!

And I know just what you mean about some who hang about the G&T boards. I find them scary grin

Moominsarehippos Thu 07-Feb-13 17:16:47

Its not gin and tonic? Shame.

I was 'gifted' at school for all anyone cared. It did me no favours!

Machadaynu Thu 07-Feb-13 17:23:01

Who is suggesting G&T kids be pushed more than any other kid?

That's all I want for my kid - that she be pushed/stretched/challenged (call it what you will) as much as any other kid - and that would be true if she was brain-damaged, average or Marilyn vos Savant.

I think a lot of posters in G&T want that too, and wonder how to go about it.

Another common issue with G&T kids is asynchronous development - where they are physically and emotionally one age, but intellectually another.

lljkk Thu 07-Feb-13 17:23:31

YABU to make me start craving a gin & tonic.

BlipbipBeep Thu 07-Feb-13 18:09:43

Sorry RL got in the way there for a few hours.

I'm not sure how to rejoin the thread except to say that I never intended a goad at G&T just to say that I'm not one of them.

I personally do not think that by allowing my sons to develop at their own pace I am handicapping their future progress. I always encourage work and enthusiasm for their projects but I try not to put any emphasis on intelligence/cleverness. I tend towards benign neglectful parenting and I don't really feel the need to change but I understand and appreciate that others disagree with me.

I was not G&T, sadly my dyslexia got in the way a bit

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlipbipBeep Thu 07-Feb-13 18:36:08

actually I did blush when I read that back - that sort of parent is a bit of a mean thing to say, sorry.

Pagwatch Thu 07-Feb-13 18:37:49

I agree with Beer.

I am pretty sure I have posted on G&T several times. I am not pushy and one of my dc has severe SN.

It's not a clique or a fixed population.
If you feel the section may related to your family, all the more reason to consider using it and maybe provide another view. Perhaps go and ask some questions about your son and see if people give you one response or a range?

MariusEarlobe Thu 07-Feb-13 19:16:44

Can I ask what constitutes G & T
Dd has had some tests done recently through school.

She is in top 4% nationally for reading, top 12% for comprehension.
Yet she is in bottom 14% for writing and spelling.

She has some issues.

I find the section quite useful but have never posted, I have a gifted dd in top 1% population according to Ed psychs but she has ASD and will never be 'normal' and maybe never have friends.

Marius, that is quite a spikey profile- have you ever had her assessed?

MariusEarlobe Thu 07-Feb-13 19:34:21

It's very spiky.

She is dyspraxic and has a processing disorder and is probable asd.
She doesn't know her phonics, she has learned to read entirely through memorizing words.

MariusEarlobe Thu 07-Feb-13 19:35:12

Currently being assessed.

Very similar profile to my dd who has dyspraxia and sensory processing disorder too.

Are the school being supportive?

LiegeAndLief Thu 07-Feb-13 19:59:14

I was a gifted child. Straight As, first class degree... and then a pretty normal life with a pretty normal job and a 3 bed semi. I'll be very proud if my kids turn out to be bright and do well in school but I'm not sure it's the be all and end all.

MariusEarlobe Thu 07-Feb-13 20:14:14

She only went there 12 months ago, shes year 5, they've been a bit meh to be honest, they dismissed that it was learning difficulties, they didn't believe she was any good at reading either and had her on books for seven year olds which dd found mind numbing ,despite old school and Me saying it was the one area she was good at. They wouldn't listen to me at all, they just thought she was a bit thick.

She's very into science, engineering type stuff and medical things but if it doesn't interest her she switches off.

They ignored all recommendations from the consultant.
She made no progress in anything in 12 months in fact it was much worse.
She was coming up at 5 years behind and having no TA support at all because there's no TAs at secondary apparently hmm

Then the SATS results came out and they got 100% for the children who left last time, they realised dd was going to ruin that. Within a week they had got an emergency appointment for her to be seen by education team.
They came in and confirmed what I knew.
Confirmed she had Sen.
Suddenly she's having daily 1 -1 and intervention.

NumericalMum Thu 07-Feb-13 20:55:24

I was never pushed. I completed an extremely challenging degree and professional qualification. I thank my parents wholeheartedly for not pushing me!

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