To think some mums are being very nasty about DDs birthday

(123 Posts)
atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 15:27:46

My DD will be six soon and will be having a party. I made some invitations for her to hand out in school and put in a lovely poem:

It's my birthday soon
Six I will be
I'd like you to come
and join the par-tee.

I have dolls, I have books,
I have crayons galore,
I have so much lego,
It covers the floor.

So when you are coming,
To my birthday bash,
Please don't bring presents
Just give me some cash.

Some of the mums have been very shirty with me at the school gates and a few have sent snooty notes saying their DCs won't be at the party.

AIBU to think some people are very rude and should be delighted and honoured that their children have been invited to share DD's special day. angry

StinkyWicket Thu 07-Feb-13 15:28:45


earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:29:01

Fred about a Fred?


Cash? Really?


snowtimelikethepresent Thu 07-Feb-13 15:29:18

Nice one atthewelles 9/10 for effort!

MechanicalTheatre Thu 07-Feb-13 15:29:38

You are joking, right?

usualsuspect Thu 07-Feb-13 15:29:44

Bit rude to ask for cash. I'm quite shocked TBH.

Purple2012 Thu 07-Feb-13 15:29:50

Hope this is a reverse aibu. That's very grasping.

Groovee Thu 07-Feb-13 15:29:57

The last line of the poem is rather crass.

JaneLane Thu 07-Feb-13 15:29:58

I can actually imagine some of the mums I know doing this...

cantspel Thu 07-Feb-13 15:30:00

tell me this is a wind up?

olympicsrock Thu 07-Feb-13 15:30:32

Have my first jammy dodger.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks Thu 07-Feb-13 15:31:04

<raises eyebrows>

ohfunnyhoneyface Thu 07-Feb-13 15:31:05

Has to be a joke- made me smile!

usualsuspect Thu 07-Feb-13 15:31:10

oh is it a thread about a thread?

I can't be expected to read every bloody thread on MN <mumbles>

LadyIsabellaWrotham Thu 07-Feb-13 15:31:31

I believe this to be a wedding-related thread. V funny.

spanky2 Thu 07-Feb-13 15:31:32

I would be annoyed . Cash?! Vouchers at a push but only if I was asked what dc would want. I wouldn't do it.

Sugarice Thu 07-Feb-13 15:31:36

grin is this a joke thread, please tell me it is.

Hullygully Thu 07-Feb-13 15:32:18

heh heh

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 15:32:22

No, not a wind up. We thought we could use all the cash and put it towards a family holiday in Spain. It would be a lovely way of remembering all her little friends back home in England while we're sunning ourselves on the beach.

Pandemoniaa Thu 07-Feb-13 15:32:25


valiumredhead Thu 07-Feb-13 15:33:23

Joke thread about the other thread, right?

snowtimelikethepresent Thu 07-Feb-13 15:33:25

grin at OP

DeepRedBetty Thu 07-Feb-13 15:33:59

Has this anything to do with a thread I Hid ages ago perchance?

Not surprised some parents are being snooty, I can take the 'joke' about money but it's a bloody awful poem, fails to rhyme and scan!


tiggerishtom Thu 07-Feb-13 15:34:53

I would be a bit hmm at the cash request, but I don't think I'd stop my child going to the party because of it though....

DeepRedBetty Thu 07-Feb-13 15:35:01

xposted with OP.

Sod Spain, go the whole hog - Caribbean here we come!

Maybe you could go one better and send all the povo's a picture of you all on your hols.

You just know how grateful they'd be, right?

spanky2 Thu 07-Feb-13 15:37:10

Now I realise this is a joke.

Mumof1secondonway Thu 07-Feb-13 15:37:21

personally if was asked by parents I'd suggest holiday vouchers (like with Thompson if that's who you were travelling with) or other vouchers and the dosh they saved put THAT towards the holiday. Just money is a tad rude. I have given family members Euros for holidays when I asked what to get nephews for their birthday but I asked!

PhilMcAverty Thu 07-Feb-13 15:37:22


I suppose you also used a poem when you got married as well eh OP?

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 15:38:17

We thought of putting a list in Hamley's but then decided money would be much more useful than a load of toys she doesn't need. I thought people would be delighted not to have to go to the bother of thinking of what to get her. sad

I would buy crayons just to piss you off !!

Psammead Thu 07-Feb-13 15:39:13

YANBU. I think though that it would be a pity that your DD had no gifts to open on the day. Specify that the notes have to be giftwrapped in interesting and exciting ways for her, not just stuffed into a card all willy-nilly like. Or perhaps presented like origami.

adkinsfamily Thu 07-Feb-13 15:40:00

tradition is presents.
it's 2013!
people wouldn't act funny if you said gift cards!
society is so judgmental...ugh. esp. most women, I hate to be a woman and have to be honest and say that. but it's true!
cash,presents who cares as long as they have fun!

Oh definitely op. And maybe you could charge per slice of birthday cake? grin

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 15:40:17

Actually Laurie we were thinking of having a nice snap taken on the beach of DD eating ice cream in the sun and then using it as a thank you card when we got home. I'm trying to think of another tasteful poem to put on the back of it.

ENormaSnob Thu 07-Feb-13 15:41:24


soverylucky Thu 07-Feb-13 15:42:52

this is about the wedding lists isn't it?


MolehillAlchemy Thu 07-Feb-13 15:42:59

You'll have to invite a lot of kids to get the holiday paid for - jelly bill alone could wipe the flights out. Maybe another verse of the poem that specifies a minimum spend of say £20?

adkinsfamily Thu 07-Feb-13 15:43:07

my kids would much rather have money and gift ards so they can get what they want.
I wish I would have had that option when I was a kid!
crappy gifts that you never asked for by your 60yr old aunt would have been resolved by cash.

Psammead Thu 07-Feb-13 15:43:15

No no no to charging for cake. Get them to do a little light housework in exchange for cake. Much more civilised.

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 15:45:40

I've also requested that none of the other guests wear pink, so DD can stand out. I overheard one of the mums callling her a childzilla. How very unkind.

Ok psamm my etiquette stands corrected. So dusting = normal slice, hoovering = slice with extra icing? That could work nicely - have party, make mess, kids clear up and receive party bag in return then clear off

Clean bathrooms = bit with peppa pigs face on

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Thu 07-Feb-13 15:48:40

I've always found that you can slip the party bill split x ways very easily into the party bag with a few sweeties. grin

givemeaclue Thu 07-Feb-13 15:51:09

Please rest link to other thread!

Love this one!

Suggest siblings welcome for a £15 minimum "donation"

WhatKindofFool Thu 07-Feb-13 15:52:10

When I was 18 I was invited to a party where the dress code was black and white so that the host and her close friends could show off their tans as they had recently been on a trip to Ibiza. So, yes, the pink dress is a fabulous idea. In fact, I'd go one further and tell the others that the dress code is crocs, jeggings and a t shirt.

meddie Thu 07-Feb-13 15:52:44

Have you considered holding the party in the middle of nowhere that costs £40 on the train and then thoughtfully arranging a discount with a nearby hotel for only £120 a night (instead of the usual £125)
Another brilliant idea is asking guests to come themed, ie old glamour or black and white. I,m sure they will love the opportunity to fork out more cash and buy themselves a nice outfit.

Greensleeves Thu 07-Feb-13 15:52:50

can someone link to the fred this is a fred about? It sounds funny grin

You think you are being funny? One of DDs school friends was moving back to Pakistan and had a leaving party where they requested no presents as they would not have room for them in their luggage, so just bring cash. shock

I was very mean and took a small teddy and a pen.

Mind you, they were back within 6 months as the children didn't settle.

WhatKindofFool Thu 07-Feb-13 15:53:15

Can I have the link to the other thread please? I could do with some ideas for wedding presents.

RobinSparkles Thu 07-Feb-13 15:53:30

YANBU. I would specify no less than £10 though, otherwise you'll get some stingy sod sellotaping a quid to the back of a card!

GetOrf Thu 07-Feb-13 15:53:30

Very funny grin

It does make you realise how ridiculous grandiosely overplanned weddings are.

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 07-Feb-13 15:54:27

I can't quite decide whether it would be a child- or adult-free party. Maybe nobody over the age of 45? Just in case?

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 07-Feb-13 15:56:03

Have you considered holding the party abroad? Some people might complain, but if they are real friends they will make the effort.

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 15:56:03

meddie we are definitely considering having a 'destination' party for her next year. Preferably on a Tues or Wed so everyone will have to take a couple of days off school. We are looking into really out of the way, difficult to get to, locations that will look super in the photographs.

May I suggest Nepal?

Psammead Thu 07-Feb-13 15:57:02

Dont forget to take loads of set-up picture of the guests which you can then sell at40 quid a pop.

Abra1d Thu 07-Feb-13 15:57:07


ENormaSnob Thu 07-Feb-13 15:57:29

It's ur day tho hun.

Ignore the haterz, they are jus wel jel.

HecateWhoopass Thu 07-Feb-13 15:58:44

Nicely done.

Good point well made.

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 15:58:44

We are thinking of allowing her GPs to come, but no other old people. They will just start chatting to each other during the speeches or leave their walking sticks lying around for everyone to trip over.

meddie Thu 07-Feb-13 15:59:50

That sounds fab attewelles. I,m sure they will feel absolutely honoured to be invited and should make every effort to accomodate this

Trills Thu 07-Feb-13 16:00:09

Only posting because... you know the rest.

Poor MNHQ. I hope they don't think well expect rhymes.

GetOrf Thu 07-Feb-13 16:00:11

I absolutely love the poem in the op - par-tee grin

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 07-Feb-13 16:00:21

I assume there will be two parts to the party - one for the really good friends and one for the others?

Could you not have a special room for the oldies and hire someone to lead a sing a long? I'm sure everyone over the age of 50 will love that.

GetOrf Thu 07-Feb-13 16:01:06

I think a lot of people would think such a poem was a super idea, though.

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 07-Feb-13 16:01:48

You could send all the old people on a trip to see the Lion King. wink

meddie Thu 07-Feb-13 16:03:27

just spat my coffee out ThevermiciousKnid. AIBU to ask you to replace the damaged keyboard?

TheVermiciousKnid Thu 07-Feb-13 16:05:26

You wouldn't be unreasonable to ask, meddie, but it ain't going to happen. grin Maybe you could hold a dinner party soon and ask people to bring cash instead of wine/flowers/chocolates, to go towards a new keyboard? [helpful]

ErikNorseman Thu 07-Feb-13 16:12:01

This is excellent smile please don't delete it HQ!

meddie Thu 07-Feb-13 16:12:18


CloudsAndTrees Thu 07-Feb-13 16:16:51

People that have had the cheek to ask for cash to gain entry to their weddings money as a wedding gift, need to read this thread!

See how awful it sounds?. It isn't ok for a child's birthday party, and it isn't ok for a wedding!! No matter how much you want to convince yourself it is ok, it will always remain vulgar.

steppemum Thu 07-Feb-13 16:16:52

Oh go on - link the other thread (or at least tell its title)

RobinSparkles Thu 07-Feb-13 16:17:59

Maybe you should let old people come, OP? Old people are often more generous so you'll get more money!

A photograph of your DD on the beach for a thank you card is a genius idea.

I can't believe that the mums at the school gate are being nasty. They are rude, just ignore them and invite someone else!

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Thu 07-Feb-13 16:18:47


CoughCough Thu 07-Feb-13 16:19:10

You must ban old people from coming.

atthewelles Thu 07-Feb-13 16:21:05

Stepemum I don't know how to do links but its called something like 'I detest poems looking for cash presents' and is still on page one of AIBU.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes Thu 07-Feb-13 16:22:47
HotPinkWeaselWearingLederhosen Thu 07-Feb-13 16:24:34

Have you sent instructions to the parents of her three very best friends, to ensure they buy there dds matching dresses or them from Monsoon at £50.00 a pop that are nearly as nice as hers? Do not let them come in their own party dresses.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Thu 07-Feb-13 16:25:46

I don't think it counts as a TAAT, because naff poems asking for money for weddings are a perennial gripe, they are not restricted to any particular thread (I haven't even read the latest, because the title alone told me all I needed to know). FWIW I don't even mind giving cash as a gift, it's just the poems that make me stabby.

pingu2209 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:28:25

If my child had an invite such as this, no matter what effort when into the poem and however twee it may be, I would be really pissed off. Many people go to the pound shop for presents - so the cash would be £1 possibly £3 at a push.

You are very rude.

WireCatWhore Thu 07-Feb-13 16:33:34

Is a genius idea. Then you can see who the most generous parents are & be better friends with them.
I bet some buggers will give a gift card. wink

Karoleann Thu 07-Feb-13 16:36:16

We moved to a new school recently and had an invite with £please written on it, I actually thought it was a typo on the invite. But no, it's seems to be done quite a lot, not really my cup of tea, but it saves buying a pressie.

Apparently you give a pound per year, so a 6 year old gets £6 etc

simplesusan Thu 07-Feb-13 16:39:50

Oh this is a great idea. Lots of helpful tips from other posters too.
May I also suggest that the event is held far enough away, at a most inconvenient time, so as to ensure that parents cannot drop off and leave children.
Please make sure that food and drinks are not included and are priced outrageously so that all involved are totally skint afterwards.
Yes to a dress code-obviously clothing that noone will alredy own.
Yes to a water theme without letting the guests know in advance.
Yes to insisting that everyone traipse outside regardless of the weather for something uninteresting that the host simply has to share.
Yes to opening all cards in the presence of guests so as to add maximum embarrasment to those scroungers who break the rules of your fabulous poem.

FlorriesDragons Thu 07-Feb-13 16:45:40

Wouldn't bother me. Would rather get the host something they actually want than yet another "thoughtfully chosen" toaster toy which they will receive at least three of...

WhatKindofFool Fri 08-Feb-13 07:50:48

Does anyone know the going rate of a £££ present these days?

Pendipidy Fri 08-Feb-13 07:56:00

Why do people put up stupid made up threads. It is just trolling and annoying. Have reported you, op .

ZillionChocolate Fri 08-Feb-13 08:29:30

Pendipidy - it's because they think it's funny. So do plenty of other people.

LadyIsabellaWrotham Fri 08-Feb-13 08:36:59

You know that story you were told about three people of varying ethnicities going to the pub Pendipidy? I think that may have been a lie shock. And when Tommy Cooper hurt himself walking into an iron bar and you were really sympathetic and everyone else laughed heartlessly? ANOTHER LIE.

Trills Fri 08-Feb-13 08:44:45

Doing links is not hard.

It tell you how to do it just below the box that you type in.

YorkshireDeb Fri 08-Feb-13 08:53:14

pendipidy - because it doesn't have to be true to spark off an interesting discussion. And made up ops can often be very entertaining reading. I always thought it was fine to ask for cash as a wedding present (although I agree that the cheesy poems are really annoying) but this thread makes me think more deeply about my opinions in a lighthearted way. I don't see why that's a problem. Think I'd only be upset if I discovered a serious sounding 'my dp is a tosser' type thread was made up. X

DelGirl Fri 08-Feb-13 08:57:52

someone I vaguely know was given a surprise party by their relative. On the invite they said that people should not by presents but that they would like a £15 donation towards giving her a holiday. Needless to say, I didn't go. Such a cheek!

DelGirl Fri 08-Feb-13 08:59:49


fuzzysnout Fri 08-Feb-13 09:43:46

ur party, ur rules OP.
Could you not have a Venture photo session for DD at the party though, then your guests will get the joy of watching. You could offer them a discounted rate to buy the pictures.

Flobbadobs Fri 08-Feb-13 09:59:40

An invite like that would be an excellent chance to raid the change jar. A big bag of 2pence pieces and a colouring book and crayons for the birthday girl grin

I was once given somones change gar as a birthday gift Flobbadobs. It was my 5th or 6th birthday I think. My fivers worth of 1p's was my favorite gift that year grin.

atthewelles Fri 08-Feb-13 10:15:32

I've just got a horrible reply back from one of the mums:

Thanks for your invite
Demanding our brass.
I found it quite rude,
And I found it quite crass.

So I'm writing to say
You can just go to heck.
You've enough brass already,
around your hard neck.

I mean, really! angry

WilsonFrickett Fri 08-Feb-13 10:19:09

Well REALLY! That is quite shocking ^. Don't they ^want to be part of your DD's special day?
Have you thought about one of those special gift websites where you can specify how much money you'd like by pretending you'll spend it on specific things? Like, £25 for lunch, £40 for the boat trip etc. I'm just a teeny bit anxious some people might bring you a £2 coin - and that's not really acceptable, is it?


Blizzardofbuzzards Fri 08-Feb-13 10:59:33

Brilliant! grin

WhatKindofFool Fri 08-Feb-13 11:14:35

She is obviously just jealous. How rude of her.

charlottehere Fri 08-Feb-13 11:17:45

HA, I must try and fund a family holiday through my Dcs b'days. grin

pigletmania Fri 08-Feb-13 11:32:11

Ha ha good wind up grin

atthewelles Fri 08-Feb-13 11:38:35

That's what DH thinks Whatkind. He reckons she's jealous of my poetic talent. <Can't blame her really>

FreshLeticia Fri 08-Feb-13 12:01:53

Arf @ this fred about a fred.
Having said that, I have been known to provide five shiny pound coins in a sparkly bag as birthday presents. I sort of firgured that eight year olds might like to choose something and it got me out of a hole because I had forgotten to get a present grin
I always shine the coins with brasso so they look special and I think five pounds is more than enough to spend.

EyesCrossedLegsAkimbo Fri 08-Feb-13 12:21:24

atthewelles you should ask to see the parents tax returns before inviting the children, just in case you don't get your moneys worth.


jeee Fri 08-Feb-13 12:28:20

atthewelles, I'm concerned that you're inviting the grandparents. I mean, it's obvious your parents have to come, but your MIL is bound to bring junky presents, or otherwise take over. Please tell your MIL she is not welcome. After all, it's your day.

Figureof80 Fri 08-Feb-13 13:58:03

Eyescrossed's comment on taxes is very sensible, in fact there could be a few extra verses........

And for those of you
Hit by high rate taxes
Please sign Gift Aid
To pay for my waxes.

atthewelles Fri 08-Feb-13 14:06:02

I'm thinking of swiping their credit cards on arrival. Then I can debit any outstanding amounts if people try to sneak off without paying.

MIL has offered to make the birthday cake.angry Typical of her, trying to take over and be in charge.

Quick tell me which other thread to look at. This HAS to be a joke!

Thumbwitch Fri 08-Feb-13 14:13:59

Very good, atthewelles. Your scansion is particularly appalling appropriate! grin

Your MIL wants to make the birthday cake? How bloody entitled of her! Wait, who was that poster who makes birthday cakes, the minnie mouse ones - you could ask her to do it for you for free with no notice. wink

stormforce10 Fri 08-Feb-13 14:15:29

I love this thread. YANBU OP. Appalling manners displayed by some of those mums

Last year dd got invited to a party and on the invite was written "no presents please but Prunella would like ballet classes so all donations gratefully accepted in box by the door". Seriously (except I've changed the girls name obviously). Sadly DD couldn't go but I heard afterwards there really was a box!!

FruitOwl Fri 08-Feb-13 14:15:33

Brilliant! Particularly like your use of par-tee OP grin

FruitOwl Fri 08-Feb-13 14:17:13

Ps when I get married, will you help me compose my grabby poem for the invitation please?

atthewelles Fri 08-Feb-13 14:23:08

Of course I will FruitOwl. Naturally, being grabby myself I will charge you a fee plus royalties.

And my scansion is perfect Thumbwitch. I'm Irish so you have to read it in a slightly sing song way to get the rhythm.Think W.B Yeats or Seamus Heaney. I write a bit like a combination of them. <modest and deluded>

Bluestocking Fri 08-Feb-13 14:51:21

Ahem. Have you told the mums of invited children how much weight each of them will need to lose before they can attend the destination party? You don't want any fat kids ruining your photos.

atthewelles Fri 08-Feb-13 15:10:36

I've drawn up the guest list very carefully Bluestocking

No fat kids or plain kids wrecking the photos

No stunningly beautiful kids overshadowing DD

Her two best friends can wear dresses nearly as nice as DDs to show she has friends with good taste, but not quite as nice to make sure everyone knows who is the centre of attention and the most important person in the room

Somethingtothinkabout Fri 08-Feb-13 15:11:17

Haha atthewelles, sitting on a train, on my own, and just laughed out loud repeatedly and look like a dope!

I'd just read the other thread through (loooong journey) and so found this one hilair grin

DizzyZebra Fri 08-Feb-13 15:14:29


BeCool Fri 08-Feb-13 15:18:06

Sorry OP, but DD can't make your par-tee as she is attending a sleep over par-tee at Hamleys.

Poor your DD missing out ....... (sob face). Nevermind - hope she gets lots of cash anyway.

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