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To be annoyed with this couple

(229 Posts)
Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 13:42:39

Hope I don't out myself here, going to have to be vague!

I know (I won't say friends as that's over egging it a bit) a couple who have a young, school age, family. Neither parent works, fine, job market is utterly shit at the moment so totally understandable. Both are complaining they are broke and will be more so when the benefit reforms come in and how unfair it is on them. So my dp comes up with a good solution to solve their problems and his workload, he offers the dad a job, reasonable pay, not great, but a foot on the ladder, and helps both parties out. So we were a bit shocked when the dad turns it down saying he's needed at home 'in case of an emergency'. My jaw hit the floor.

Neither parent has a disability nor do the children.

Thankfully my brother had a friend in a similar situation who snapped the job up so dp's stress levels are alleviated a bit, but still. Not the point.

AIBU to be annoyed with them over this?

WhatsTheBuzz Thu 07-Feb-13 13:48:17

it's terrible, like people thinking they're too good for certain jobs!

I'm not really sure why you are annoyed since it has all worked out, if they are that broke they will have had a very good reason to turn it down, they may not have wanted to tell you about it.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 13:50:31

You don't really know these people by your own admission. How on earth do you know that there isn't some perfectly valid reason for the father to turn the job down that they just don't want to discuss with someone who they hardly know and whose business it isn't?

It's hard to say for sure without knowing full facts.

What is the job?? Maybe he doesn't particularly like your DH and doesn't want to work for him and just used the being needed at home as an excuse?

Could be a million reasons but of course, he could just be a lazy sod.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 13:51:23

Is the whining from them that they're always broke and how they can't afford x y and z and how life is unfair on them, that they're bored, cant afford to Go anywhere or do anything....

They're on the very edges of our social circle so it's no hardship to just drop contact with them (which I will)

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 13:53:04

earlier very true you're right there could be any number of reasons why he turned it down. It's just hard to hear when it's accompanied by the aforementioned whining.

I will freely admit I'm being unreasonable here just a bit confused by them that's all!

deleted203 Thu 07-Feb-13 13:53:27

Some people are just idle sods who don't want to work, unfortunately. Unless he has a very good reason there doesn't seem to be any necessity for two healthy adults whose kids are at school to sit around at home all day if one of them has been offered work.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 13:54:08

Pondering - would you want to discuss personal private details about your life with a virtual stranger whom you really don't know all that well?

How do you know the father doesn't suffer from anxiety or the mother isn't about to start treatment for something or they are looking after a child who has a difficulty?

Maybe the father doesn't like your DH and doesn't think he could work for him?

Whatever. They turned you down. Get over it. Just because they are unemployed doesn't mean they have to take the job you offered.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 13:56:23

Fair point earlier

smile you sound like you're in need of a brew in all fairness!

Just because they are unemployed doesn't mean they have to take the job you offered

Very true!! Maybe you are making them feel like a charity case!

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 13:59:13

I would like to think not betty dp has been after someone for a while and approached them in a fairly neutral manner saying he needed someone fairly quickly and knew they were 'looking' for work.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 14:00:29

Pondering - I find that passive aggressive and patronising. If you're like that with the couple, no wonder they won't take your job.

pictish Thu 07-Feb-13 14:00:49

Well didn't you have their lives all sewn up neatly?

Except they didn't want to do what you thought they should.

People are like that...being awkward and making up their own minds.

Oh well.

NatashaBee Thu 07-Feb-13 14:01:17

It would annoy me... I'm sure lots of parents would like to both be at home 'in case of emergency!'. But when the UC comes in I guess at least one of them will need to take a job if offered.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 14:02:39

That post was PA tbh because I found your tone very aggressive and unwarranted.

pictish I know, how very dare they right?! Shocking behaviour. Shouldn't be allowed.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 14:03:34

I am sorry if you found my tone aggressive and unwarranted?? I was merely pointing out reasons why they might not want to take your job. Do you really mean to sound so rude?

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 14:05:15

Not really. Maybe I'm reading your posts wrongly but in my mind I've got you sitting there red faced and huffing and puffing with outrage at my posts blush sorry if that's not the case it's the language you're using...

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 14:07:17

I explained why I thought they might not want to take your job and why the father might give a casual social acquaintance a "brush off" explanation. Really, it's no big deal. You offered, they said no. confused I don't see the problem

Aggressive and unwarranted?

You asked a question and earlier gave you some answers you may not have thought of, why post for opinions if all you want is to be told what a wonderful saintly person you are for helping out your poor and needy aquaintences?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 14:10:13

Oh and I most definitely am not sitting "huffing and puffing with outrage" - you are projecting an awful lot there.

Just because they are on benefits and are moaning that they are broke does not mean they don't have free will to decide what to do, and what not to do.

If your DH offered me a job and I didn't really know him and my life was none of his business, I probably would tell him a social fib. And for you to expect more is unfair and unjustified.

Charliefarlie1192 Thu 07-Feb-13 14:15:53

Maybe he didn't want to work for your and your judgemental husband?

LtEveDallas Thu 07-Feb-13 14:16:39

FWIW I found earlier's post rather snippy and rude, so can understand why the OP was PA back.

It is hard to judge tone on a message board. So it's a bit pointless being up in arms about a suggested slight.

Pondering - I think that what your husband did was a good thing, and I too would have been surprised that someone who was unhappy at being short of money didn't take an opportunity that was offered to them to get a foot in the door of a career.

Tbh, I find it rather shocking that the OP's dh is being vilified on here for a kind offer, and that people are snarking at the OP, as MissyMoo did in her 14.09 post.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 07-Feb-13 14:19:48

It's nothing to do with anyone but them.

Maybe he has a MH issue and can't work but is too proud to say? Could be any number of reasons. Could just be that the job wasn't for him?

Your DP made him an offer. An offer by it's very nature isn't a thing that someone is obliged to take you upon.

DeepRedBetty Thu 07-Feb-13 14:25:20

You've said you're annoyed with 'this couple' but it's the husband who was offered the job and turned it down, with a reason that to me doesn't add up. Yes, maybe they've got other reasons that they don't want to talk about to turn work down.

But if that's the genuine reason he turned the job down yanbu to be not sympathetic when you next hear him moaning, and assuming he talked it over with his wife, yanbu to feel the same if she starts up.

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 07-Feb-13 14:27:56

'They're on the very edges of your social circle' shock.
They don't like you Op, get over it, I wouldn't take a job from your Dp either, if he's as patronising as you.
Much as you want to be Lady and Lord Bountiful, you are talking about real people, and have no clue about their lives.

BegoniaBampot Thu 07-Feb-13 14:29:22

Folk are just jumping on the bandwagon, having a go at OP and her husband (who no one knows). baaaa, sheep.

Lord and Lady Bountiful? Patronising? Judgemental? No wonder people don't want to try to help other people any more.

EldritchCleavage Thu 07-Feb-13 14:30:30

Well OP, now you can tune out/refuse to listen to the whining with a clear conscience.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 07-Feb-13 14:30:42

Honestly, I am sick of these accusations of bandwagon jumping on MN.

Is that what we're calling it now, when several posters hold the same viewpoint?

BegoniaBampot Thu 07-Feb-13 14:31:22

Only the sheep ones!

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 14:31:35

I'm not jumping on any bandwagon. The OP doesn't know this couple. Not all disabilities are visible. There could be any one of a whole load of reasons why the husband didn't want to take the job he was offered.

Bobyan Thu 07-Feb-13 14:31:40

Op wouldn't worry about it, they're the ones losing out when the benefit changes happen...

WileyRoadRunner Thu 07-Feb-13 14:34:48

Do they moan that they have no money as no job? Presumably if they talk about looking for work then, well they're looking for work (and not unable to work).

To turn down a job when you are looking for work is strange, especially if you are under financial strain and concerned for the future and how you will manage.

I'm on the fence on this one - sadly there are many people who don't want to work, but there are also those that cannot.

I don't think your husband was patronising offering someone needing work a job and I find that accusation a bit hmm.

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 07-Feb-13 14:34:53

It was the remark 'they're on the edges of my social circle' that did it for me SDTG.
It just sounded so inherently snobbish.
Oh, and it's quandary, isn't it?

LtEveDallas Thu 07-Feb-13 14:34:55

Why are people continuing to berate the OP when she quite clearly states at 13:53

I will freely admit I'm being unreasonable here just a bit confused by them that's all

Do posters not RTFT any more?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 14:35:59

So, you're me a few years ago. I look fine. I have no visible disabilities and neither do my children. I'm on benefits. I'm a bit broke and I might moan to my friends about it.

Supposing someone offered me a job. Like the OP and her husband did. And I said "sorry I'd rather be at home for the DCs". That's not allowed? That makes her jaw drop to the floor?

What I should have said was

"I'm very sorry I suffer from crippling anxiety, and depression. I can hardly get out the door some days and have to take a cocktail of tablets just to get through the day. I'm also waiting for gynae surgery as the blood is running out of me every month to the point where I cannot go more than an hour without needing to change tampons and pads and this too is affecting my life to the point where I don't want to go out the door"?

Just because you can't SEE an issue, doesn't mean there isn't one.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 14:37:24

Hey look I said I'm prepared to be called unreasonable over this but I'm not sure where the conclusion jumping and spite has come from.

I am very much aware of non visible disabilities, having them myself so I realise there could be a myriad of reasons for turning the offer down but if that is the case surely constructing a better refusal would be better?

Perhaps if we are ever in a position again to help someone, even with a small favour, it would be better if we simply stayed quiet for fear of appearing like 'lord and lady bountiful' 'patronising' and 'judgmental'.

MarmaladeTwatkins Thu 07-Feb-13 14:37:33

I also don't think that your husband was patronising, just being kind/helpful.

But is IT the other man's right to turn the job down.

If your DH was offering the job as a well-meaning friend then you shouldn't really feel pissed off with them. I'd be as confused as you are but probably not pissed off.

AlbertaCampion Thu 07-Feb-13 14:37:35

Ah, Mumsnet at its huffy-puffiest!

Ignore all the sanctimonious whatsits, Pondering. YANBU.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 14:39:03

I'd love to be home for my children. I have hidden disibilities. I work full time.

Those are the facts of my situation. I am understanding of people's issues and realise the reality is often different to what's portrayed by the person.

I don't walk round with my head in the clouds.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 14:39:11

Pondering - maybe you caught him on the hop and he wasn't expecting to be asked so the refusal was the best he could come up with at the time?

I found the whole tone of your OP a bit off tbh. But I haven't done anything other than explain why he might have said what he said.

WileyRoadRunner Thu 07-Feb-13 14:39:24

OP had the couple said that they were looking for work?

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 14:40:06

Thank you for the support though everyone.

As it stands I'm disappearing to the hospital for the rest of the afternoon so won't be around to reply.

SanityClause Thu 07-Feb-13 14:42:50

OP, once a sister of an employee of ours needed a job, and we needed a nanny. Perfect!

But, she didn't understand that what we were offering was gross, not net. She wanted to take my PFB to her mum's where they would sit smoking all day. All sorts of problems.

Now, if she had not been the sister of an employee, we would have just let it go, and say, sorry, we'll find someone more suitable. But, because of the connection, we had to bend over backwards to make sure she was happy. We ended up paying her more than she was worth than we intended, all because of her sister.

Maybe your acquaintances are thinking of this; that it could make things difficult for them with their friends, who are your friends, if it didn't work out.

Floggingmolly Thu 07-Feb-13 14:43:05

Making them feel like a charity case hmm. They were happy enough to bollock on about how unfair the benefit reforms are on them, how is offering him a job patronising???

pictish Thu 07-Feb-13 14:44:37

Your thread title is 'AIBU to be annoyed with this couple'.
Then you go on to say "I will freely admit I'm being unreasonable here just a bit confused by them that's all!"

So...to clarify. Ywnbu to offer the dad the job. That was nice of you.
Hwnbu to turn it down. He doesn't HAVE to take it.
Yabu to be annoyed. You're not 'confused'...you started this thread because you are annoyed as the thread title says.

You have no business being annoyed at this couple, no. It was nice of you to offer, but to be offended because they weren't as grateful as you imagined they would be, is ridic.

Mind your own business. Don't get involved if you get annoyed when people won't do as they're told.

LtEveDallas Thu 07-Feb-13 14:45:46

Pondering, try not to give it any more headspace. Your DP tried to do a good thing, it didn't work out quite as he wanted, but someone else has been able to benefit instead.

If they are only friends of friends (how I interpreted your 'outside the social circle' comment) then hopefully you wont have to listen to them complaining any more, because that would drive me mad too.

ajandjjmum Thu 07-Feb-13 14:49:42

Of course there could be a genuine reason why he may not have accepted the job, or he could just be a lazy git who's happy to live off others.

We shall never know.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 14:52:29

I have re-read the OP. Pondering, what has annoyed me is this bit

"So my dp comes up with a good solution to solve their problems"

He was trying to help - why is that so wrong?

LtEveDallas Thu 07-Feb-13 15:00:19

Why does that annoy you earlier?

They are friends of friends who DP and OP have been with when they have moaned about not having any money. DP needed to employ someone, so the obvious solution would be to offer a job to the guy who acts as if he wants/needs one.

Why is that annoying?

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 15:00:34

did your DP think of offering the job the the woman aswell? maybe the man couldn't take it (for any number of valid reasons) but the woman might have been able to. did your DP ask her?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:01:41

I personally find it patronising. My problems are not for anyone else to "come up with a solution to" - I personally find it infantalising and I'd hate to think that someone else was gossiping about me like this and trying to "sort me out" - it smacks of controlling. To me. I am quite prepared to accept this is my issue though. But personally, I'd hate it.

LtEveDallas Thu 07-Feb-13 15:08:08

Earlier, my opinion is that you are overthinking this in that case.

If the couple themseves are talking about their money worries, then the OP and DP cannot be accused of gossiping.

If the DP has 'come up with a solution', then that suggests that the job is a new thing, that the couple were unlikely to know about - not infantalising or controlling, just suggesting a mutually beneficial solution to both their problems (Overwork Vs Lack of Job)

Personally you'd hate it, but the OP has said she is confused by their decision. You didn't need to say "Whatever. They turned you down. Get over it" That was rather rude.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:10:47

I think we'll just have to accept LtEve that we read the OP differently, perhaps due to our life experiences.

Yes I did say get over it because I can't imagine posting that I'd be "annoyed" in that circumstances.

Earlier - would you feel patronised or infantilised if you were approaching a door, heavily laden, and I held it open for you?

Imo, the couple had talked openly about their money issues, and the OP's husband suggested a solution that he could offer - that is kindness, not patronising.

Would it have been patronising if the OP or her husband had pointed out a job vacancy that they happened to have heard of, that would suit the skill set of either of the couple? I don't think so.

earlier, I also think you're being a bit unfair to the OP. You posted :

"I have re-read the OP. Pondering, what has annoyed me is this bit

"So my dp comes up with a good solution to solve their problems" "

That's a bit selective IMO. The full quote is "So my dp comes up with a good solution to solve their problems *and his workload*" (my bolding)

That reads a bit differently to me.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:14:52

Like i said SDTG, I accept it may be my issue, but I find the OPs approach and tone patronising - like the man should have accepted the job and had no right to turn it down. Might well be me, I know that. but that's how I read it and how it comes across to me - as if because they're on benefits they had no right to turn the job down.

Booyhoo - I would assume from the OP, that the job that was offered suited the man's skill set but not the woman's. In any case, the couple could have said, "Thanks for the offer - Nigel can't take it up, but Nigella could"?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:16:49

As I have said, it smacks to me of the Op and her husband "organising" this other couple's life for them and then being pissed off when they didn't do as they had thought they should.

And it irritated me and I think the OP is being UR to be "annoyed with this couple"

Earlier - there is a part of me that thinks that someone on benefits should take a job that is offered, as long as it is suitable, and should only turn it down for really good reasons. That's what I would do, were I on benefits.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:18:11

absolutely SDTG, I agree completely, but the OP doesn't know this couple well enough to know if there is a really good reason. And that is my basic point in all of this.

YulaBaker Thu 07-Feb-13 15:18:23

IME, on FB, there are two types of unemployed. (well at least in my social circle)

The ones that make 'I need a job' or 'why aren't there any jobs' or 'god, the lack of a job is getting me down' type posts are the ones that want to work and struggle to find it, true jobseekers.

...and there are the posts slagging off the government, the benefit system, the jobcentre staff.. anyone but themselves. These are the entitled sods claiming jobseekers without any seeking going on.

I'm aware this post doesn't consider disabilities and is very sweeping... its meant to be.

I suppose I'm saying you cant help those that don't want it. Even if they need it. Would an alcoholic be forever grateful that you poured away their sauce?

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 15:19:42

pondering How very dare you offer these people a leg up and try to help them out? How dare you patronise them and make them feel inferior? How dare you make assumptions about them? Don't you know that they hate your husband as he is clearly a bullying, patronising capitalist pig and you are acting like a judgemental Lady Bountiful?

FFS - MN is a joke at times.

FWIW you did a very good thing and I hope most people would have taken such an offer in the spirit it was intended and accepted.

ENormaSnob Thu 07-Feb-13 15:20:57

Yanbu

Agree with sdtg re turning the job down.

Doubt wanting to be at home because of emergencies will cut it when uc comes in.

I'd be annoyed at them too, in a stop-bending-my-ear-about-your-problems-if-you're-not-going-to-do-anything-about-solving-them sort of way. I get annoyed about people looking for sympathy, but doing fuck all to dig themselves out of their hole. I get annoyed at poor excuses, which, let's face it, "he's needed at home 'in case of an emergency'" is piss-poor.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 15:21:31

and earlier....your posts are utterly ridiculous. In my opinion.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:23:21

OK country. Thanks for that hmm

So if I'd said "sorry I want to be home for the DC's" in my situation, as I posted earlier in the thread, I'd have been expected to spill to a total stranger my medical problems?

Look, yes it was nice of him to offer the job. But they were under no obligation to accept and the OP doesn't know them well enough to know if their reasons for refusing were genuine or if there's more to it than he/she are being told.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 15:23:40

re reading the OP there is really nothing in it that suggests the dad was chosen to offer the job to as it suited his skills set better.

personally if someone offered my dp a job based on what is said in the OP (both jobless, both skint, both complaining about it) and didn't follow up the refusal with "well, what about you booyhoo, is it something you would be interested in?" i wouldn't be rushing to help him out of a hole.

tbh i cant see why it wasn't just offered to both- "i need help in the business and could really do with an extra person on the team, would either of you be interested?" no sexism involved.

Booyhoo, surely OP's DP would have taken it for granted that if the father had to be at home in case of emergencies, so would the mother?

LtEveDallas Thu 07-Feb-13 15:29:42

re reading the OP there is really nothing in it that suggests the dad was chosen to offer the job to as it suited his skills set better

OPs very first line was:

Hope I don't out myself here, going to have to be vague

For all we know the DP is a plumber and knows that moaning friend has previously worked as a plumbers mate. There is no point being offended when the OP was deliberately vague, for good reason seeing the way she's been blasted here.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 15:31:31

Ah - so the OP is sexist too! Marvellous. I also forgot that she is 'controlling' as earlier pointed out in a previous post.

Do MNetters also think that the OP tortures small animals in her spare time as well?

In that situation, though, Booyhoo, wouldn't you say, "MrBooy can't do it, but I'd like to"? It's not solely up to the OP's husband, is it?

Snazzynewyear Thu 07-Feb-13 15:32:01

So now offering someone a job is insulting them? Whoever said MN at its huffy best was right. OP, YANBU. If he's allowed to turn the job down, why on earth is she not allowed to feel annoyed? Free will for both, surely?

Hullygully Thu 07-Feb-13 15:33:32

character is fate

usualsuspect Thu 07-Feb-13 15:33:44

Who cares?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:34:17

fate is the hunter hully

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 15:34:20

that's the thing, OP was vague so we dont know. we can only guess and from what os in the OP it seems like the mother wasn't even considered for teh job.

country read my post. when did i say OP was sexist?

pinkdelight Thu 07-Feb-13 15:35:08

Totally agree with countrykitten.

And astonished at the people who are outraged on behalf of the poor couple who were "patronised" by the offer a job. Er, how can you get all indignant saying - well he might not have liked your husband, as if that's a valid reason to turn work down. How many people don't like their boss? That's why it's called work, not pleasure! And there's also of course the instant MN citing of unknown MH issues, anxiety etc. Honestly, I'm pretty leftie, but this is enough to make you reconsider.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 15:37:31

" "MrBooy can't do it, but I'd like to"? It's not solely up to the OP's husband, is it? "

no i wouldn't have wanted to work for someone who didn't even consider me for the job in the first place simply because i lacked a penis.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:37:43

Well I cited my issues because they were real. Very few people outside of my two best friends knew just how bad things were for me healthwise - not even my family knew, and certainly people on the fringes of my social circle wouldn't have had a clue.

But if someone from that social circle had offered me a job I would have given a lame excuse.

MammaTJ Thu 07-Feb-13 15:42:28

I know quite a few people like this OP. I know one man who had a full time job but 'had to' drop back to part time when his DP had a baby. She already had one school age child from a previous relationship. She has gone on to have another two, so four children in total. She 'couldn't cope' with two children, so why go on to have another two?

Both myself and my DP work full time, we have two children together and I have an older DD. In an emergency, our bosses are very understanding.

"But if someone from that social circle had offered me a job I would have given a lame excuse."
Would it have been reasonable for the offerer to have felt annoyed by a lame excuse?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 15:45:38

no. Why? An offer is an offer, it can be accepted or declined, I wouldn't get annoyed if someone declined my offer.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 15:46:33

"Would it have been reasonable for the offerer to have felt annoyed by a lame excuse? "

no because reason for refusal of offer is none of the offerer's business, they aren't their boss til they start paying them.

Lavenderhoney Thu 07-Feb-13 15:48:40

Well it was nice of you and your dp, but if he cant do it- and sounds as though there was a good reason - an emergency. Maybe they have things to deal with in their life they don't feel like sharing.

Did you discuss it with anyone who knew them better first? To see how the ground lay and not to embarress anyone or feel they way you do?

I still think your hearts are in the right place, but without all the info, you cant judge.

When you are offered a lame excuse, it's usually pretty transparent that it is a lame excuse, i.e. not the true reason. So you know you are being lied to. Which is annoying.

ajandjjmum Thu 07-Feb-13 15:49:55

Reminds me of the time my DF offered my teenage cousin a job, as he'd left school and had no work. Didn't take it up though, because it would have meant him getting a bus at 7 am. 20 years later, he's never 'officially' worked, but has three children and a decent lifestyle.

nemno Thu 07-Feb-13 15:53:05

Being offered a job by someone you know is not being patronised, it is why people network so hard. I don't think OP deserves a hard time over this. I would be puzzled/annoyed by someone seemingly refusing to help themselves out of a rut (which they admit to being in).

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 15:56:05

" So you know you are being lied to. Which is annoying. "

so what, if someone has a personal reason that isn't public knowledge why they cant take the job, they should tell you it just so you aren't annoyed? really?

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 15:57:23

and surely if you knew you were being lied to you would realise that there is another reason that they dont want to share with you and just leave it at that? why would you get annoyed?

CloudsAndTrees Thu 07-Feb-13 16:03:17

People who are long term unemployed, capable of work, and are living off benefits (which the couple in the OP may or may not be) should take any work that is offered to them. It's that simple.

If someone had a personal reason that they wouldn't want to disclose, I'd expect them to have put a little effort into having a 'reason' ready to deflect offers they know they won't ever accept. For example 'That's very kind of you, but I have personal commitments at the moment that mean I can't take you up on that.' Most people would accept that and wouldn't enquire further.

"and surely if you knew you were being lied to you would realise that there is another reason"
No. I would 'realise' that they thought I was thick enough to accept their lame offering or that they thought I didn't merit the effort of a well-crafted response. And be annoyed.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 16:19:56

'in case of emergency' would suggest he felt there was a likelyhood that there would be an emergency that he needed to be there to deal with. should he have to expand on that just to satisfy you?

it isn't a lame excuse, it's just that you want to know more.

Every family could have an emergency - but every family can't have both parents stay at home 'in case'.

No, it really doesn't suggest that to me Booyhoo. The only thing it does sugges tto me is that he would turn down any offer of a job, regardless of who offered it, what it was etc.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 16:31:36

I'm sorry but why does anyone have to give any reason for turning down a job other than "no thanks" after all, as often said on here, no is a complete sentence!

Tbh, "no thank you" would be better than a, possibly lame, excuse.

That sentence just looks all wrong. confused

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 16:35:24

I just don't get how someone offers you something, you don't want it and say so, and the offeree gets "annoyed" if your reason doesn't, what, meet their spec? Reach a standard?

Anything could be going on in that couple's life, anything. He might be a lazy tosser, so might she, but they could also be handling all kinds of a horrible situation. The OP doesn't know. We don't know.

I'd say it was normal human behaviour, earlier. You know - communicating.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 16:40:19

So you have a duty, because you're on benefits, if someone you hardly know offers you a job, to tell them all about your personal life?

Not in the slightest. But if you've been moaning about being skint, and someone you've moaned to offers you a job, and you don't want to take it for whatever reason, it's good manners to offer them a credible (true or untrue, doesn't really matter) reason for declining.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 16:47:53

I don't think anyone is under any obligation of good manners or otherwise to say anything or offer any reason, beyond "no thank you"

ClartyCarol Thu 07-Feb-13 16:50:07

Am with SDTG, pinkdelight et al. Emergencies my arse.

I don't disagree, earlier. But this man did offer a reason, and not a credible one.

But you're still missing what to me is the point - if you moan about something, don't be surprised if people you moan to expect you to do something about it. You don't want these expectations, don't moan to all and sundry (OP has said they're not friends, so the moans must have been pretty persistent).

And if you lie so obviously to someone, expect them to be annoyed.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 16:56:30

Yes whereyouleftit, but if someone had offered me a job as I posted up thread, and I wasn't expecting the offer and was caught off guard, I'd have come out with what sounded like a crap excuse that would have sounded like (and been) a lie.

so I can put myself in the husband's position, and I wonder how many of MY social circle I "annoyed" when I was trying to cope as best as I could with all the shit that was in my life and didn't give reasons that met their standard?

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 17:00:16

But this is not about you is it?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:02:04

I didn't say it was? I said "I can put myself in the husband's position"

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 17:03:53

SDTG you are missing my meaning. what i mean is that this man clearly thinks there will be a need for him to be at home in an emergency if he has refused work on this basis. in other words, there must be a reason he believes an emergency is likely ( health problem that they haven't told anyone about?)

i would be very surprised if he is meaning a 'normal' sort of emergency like a house fire or mum falling down the stairs.

expatinscotland Thu 07-Feb-13 17:06:17

Yawn. Another benefits-bashing thread.

BegoniaBampot Thu 07-Feb-13 17:08:35

'Emergency' excuse sounds lame, I probably would have burst out laughing. OP, he probably did you favour turning the job down, sounds like he would have been hard work.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 17:16:36

or they could be under the impression that you are aware of any medical issue they may have and that "emergency" would have been understood by you without needing any further explanation.

basically OP you dont them well enough to know why they turned your dp down and i think it's silly to get annoyed by it.

LadyBeagleEyes Thu 07-Feb-13 17:18:18

Yy Expat.
By stealth.

"Yes whereyouleftit, but if someone had offered me a job as I posted up thread, and I wasn't expecting the offer and was caught off guard, I'd have come out with what sounded like a crap excuse that would have sounded like (and been) a lie."
And how would you feel if you were the person being offered what sounded like (and was) a lie? That's what I'm trying to get across here. It is usual to feel annoyed with someone who is patently lying to you. It hurts your feelings. You can tell you're being lied to, and it is insulting that you don't even merit a good-quality lie, because that's how thick they think you are. It's not about the job. It's about the lie.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:25:13

LadyBeagleEyes and Expat - I agree.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 17:31:48

" It is usual to feel annoyed with someone who is patently lying to you. It hurts your feelings. You can tell you're being lied to, and it is insulting that you don't even merit a good-quality lie, because that's how thick they think you are. It's not about the job. It's about the lie. "

oh please!

these are people the OP and her DH hardly know, they aren't close friends that you would expect the truth from. it is perfectly acceptable to lie to almost strangers in order to avoid spilling out personal information. they dont owe OP's dp the truth, just an answer. if he has his feelings hurt by them panicking and thinking up a quick cover story he needs to ask himself why. they are almost strangers to him. it isn't normal to feel hurt by by what the OP has described.

No personal information needed to be spilled!

So tell me, earlier and Booyhoo, how do you feel about being lied to? Or should I not expect an honest answer because I am a stranger and you might spill personal details answering?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:38:26

I would never ever ever spill my personal private physical and mental health details to a virtual stranger who had no need to know and if that makes me a liar then so be it.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 17:41:34

"So tell me, earlier and Booyhoo, how do you feel about being lied to? "

from someone who was on the edge of my social circle? it's happened loads and i dont give a shite. they owe me nothing. and yes it is clear there is more to the story and that they'd rather not share with me so i accept it and know that i'd probably do the same in their shoes and i have done. it's really not a hanging offence.

are you telling me you have never lied to someone to avoid going into something you would rather not?

That's not what I asked you earlier and you know it. How do you feel about being lied to? How do you feel about the person lying to you?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:43:34

Everytime someone asks me "how are you" and I say "fine how are you" instead of "absolutely crap I'm dosed with the cold my feet are hurting my ear is sore and my eczema is terrible" I'm telling a lie by the standards on here.

Booyhoo I generally deflect.

You're very determined not to answer my question earlier, aren't you?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:45:14

It depends on the circumstances Whereyouleftit. In the circumstances on this thread, I would tell a social lie rather than go into my private mental and physical health issues to someone who has no need to know - it's none of their business.

If it was a partner or someone I had a close relationship with then that would be different if they were lying about cheating or something, but this is different, this is someone the OP hardly knows.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 17:45:52

Looking on the bright side - the upshot is that someone who wanted and needed a job and is prepared to work was appointed. Result. I also think that maybe the OP and her DH had a lucky escape as the person in question could well turn out to be hard work as begonia pointed out.

So all's well that ends well.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:46:03

I think I have answered your question whereyouleftit.

Why would you think my private mental and physical health issues are any of your business in that circumstance?

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 17:46:44

do you just not answer then WYLI?

Sigh. I am not asking about your mental or physical health. I am asking how you would feel about being lied to. Your determination to not answer suggests to me that you would feel annoyed, just as the OP was.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 17:51:19

This whole thread feels a little bit 'sigh' at the moment...entertaining reading but amazing to think that some posters believe the stuff that they are posting!

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 17:51:36

but i have told you i wouldn't give a shite, doesn't that prove that not everyone would care or does my answer not count because it's the wrong one?

Writehand Thu 07-Feb-13 17:52:08

As someone who has really suffered because of outsiders projecting misguided beliefs about my family dynamic I would like to say, very strongly indeed, that making snap judgements about people whose family structure you do not and cannot know is a hugely unkind and unhelpful thing to do.

I had a woman come up to me at my own party last weekend and tell me that my kids and their friends have no respect for me or my property. I was utterly gobsmacked. When challenged, she couldn't provide any concrete examples of what she alleged. The kids were very concerned and hurt.

The relationships I have with my DSs and their large, mostly male, social group are among the most proud achievements of my life. I am respected. My home is a safe place for more than my own kids (it's a long story).

I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone, including you, OP, feels they have the authority to decide they know how other people's lives should work.

N.B. Am inclined to start a thread on this topic. Anyone think it's a good idea? The party incident was a totally shit thing to happen and I keep thinking about it. It's the arrogance that floors me.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:52:14

I have answered?

And don't you see that in the circumstances of this op that it is none of the OP'
s business what reason or non-reason the man gives?

No, earlier, you haven't.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:59:40

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 17:45:14
It depends on the circumstances Whereyouleftit. In the circumstances on this thread, I would tell a social lie rather than go into my private mental and physical health issues to someone who has no need to know - it's none of their business.

If it was a partner or someone I had a close relationship with then that would be different if they were lying about cheating or something, but this is different, this is someone the OP hardly knows.

^^ I thought that answered it more than adequately.

Why are you badgering me?

If you are taken unawares by an offer, say you need time to think it over, and discuss it with your family. Then either say 'No Thankyou', or give a credible reason (true or false) why you can't take the job.

Benefits bashing? I don't think so. I think that our benefits system is a marvellous thing, and it is the mark of a civilised society that it supports those who need that support.

But do I think that the benefits system is there to allow someone to wait until the 'perfect' job comes along - sorry, no. I do think that it is reasonable to want a job that is a good enough fit for your skills and circumstances - so if that is what is happening here - or if the man is that rare thing, a work shy layabout, then I don't think the benefits system should enable that.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 18:02:00

But surely, SDTG, the whole point of being taken unawares is that you don't always respond perfectly?

fuzzpig Thu 07-Feb-13 18:03:05

Really depends what the job is IMO. When DH had been out of work for a while (before he had surgery for his injury) somebody I knew kept pestering him to offer him a 'job' hmm but actually it was more like a pyramid selling scheme (some health drink thing, so not exactly high demand and would be total overkill to have two sellers in the same small area anyway). I don't think DH was being U to avoid the pushy woman like the plague politely decline. If it had been a genuine job that he could physically manage, with set hours and wages or commission etc, then he would have bitten her arm off.

It's not really any of your business why he turned it down though TBH. It was very kind of your DH to offer - but an 'offer' is just that, not an obligation. And presumably this guy didn't ask for a job. I can see why your DH would be a bit miffed that he got turned down, but there's no point in dwelling on it.

renaldo Thu 07-Feb-13 18:08:55

Are you on benefits earlier?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 18:09:54

Me? No. Why?

earlier, that post was about why you would feel OK about telling a social lie, but my question was about how you would feel about someone lying to you. And I am 'badgering' you because you are so steadfast in not answering what I considered a very non-contentious question, and I can't quite believe it. I keep thinking 'I'm wording this wrong, I'll put it another way and see if that's any clearer'. But I'll bow out now, you don't want to consider that it is OK to be annoyed by someone, fine.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 18:11:34

"Are you on benefits earlier? "

if he/she was would that make their opinion on this invalid?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 18:11:50

I wouldn't be annoyed if someone I hardly knew lied to me when refusing a job.

If someone I was in a relationship with lied to me about cheating then yes I would be annoyed.

But annoyed because someone didn't give an "acceptable" excuse for turning down a job, no not a bit.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 18:12:44

WYLI

i have already said i wouldn't be annoyed. why are you not acknowledging that?

renaldo Thu 07-Feb-13 18:13:49

Just wondering about the polarised opinions on the thread and wondering if people who work think he should have accepted the job or given a good reason why not, and the people out of work think he was reasonable to turn it town with a lame excuse.
Me and my DH work bloody hard , and have 3 kids . I really believe in the benefit system as a safety net, not a,lifestyle choice.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 18:17:09

you do realise that working and not working aren't permanent states of being? there are people who used to work that now dont for whatever reason and there are people who work now that didn't at some point in their lives for whatever reason.

HintofBream Thu 07-Feb-13 18:29:31

Pondering, YANBU. Ignore the spiteful comments from people who would not put out a helping hand to a friend or acquaintance who needed one, but are happy to make malicious comments about those kinder than they.

Maybe he couldn't accept it because the goat might have had an emergency when the flat screen fell on it knocking it into the swimming pool?

Thought I may as well get them all in here, they'll turn up sooner or later.

OP your DH's offer sounds lovely, but I wouldn't really waste any more time thinking about it. You don't know the full story, don't need to know the full story and it doesn't affect you.

All the other cunts thinking they have right to know every detail of someone's life just because they are on benefits, fuck right off. The people that need to know do. You are just being a nosey fucker.

"I really believe in the benefit system as a safety net, not a,lifestyle choice."

Bing-fucking-go.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 18:50:33

grin @ murder

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 18:51:09

grin

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 19:53:25

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 19:54:40

But hey look- you have two drippy groupies in Booyoo and earlierintheweek...good luck with that...smile

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 19:56:18

Ahem. Excuse me. I was here first. Ergo Murder and Booyhoo are MY groupies grin

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 19:59:52

Ah yes but she said 'cunt' so that makes her harder than you two.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 20:04:11

I didn't swear. shock Gosh how I have let the side down.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 20:12:59

grin

i've never been a groupie before. think i quite like it too afraid to refuse the role incase i have to give an explanation and it falls short of required criteria

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 20:13:45

grin

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 20:17:11

if i say 'cunty bastard' do i get to have the groupies?

usualsuspect Thu 07-Feb-13 20:20:10

Can I be a Murder groupie too?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 20:22:12

Look Usual, they are NOT murder groupies, they are MY groupies.

<humph>

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 20:27:21

ahem! i do believe i used an expletive. that puts you as MY groupies!

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 20:28:36

Right Boo you upstart! Do you want to Take This Outside? wink

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 20:31:48

hang on til i change out of my slippers

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 20:35:34

<drums fingers>

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 20:40:12

Wow. Erm. Right you are then.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 20:44:01

Hmmm - why has my post been deleted? Ridiculous.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 20:44:33

What did it say?

usualsuspect Thu 07-Feb-13 20:45:32

Maybe it's because your post made you sound like a bit of an idiot, county.

earlier Are you trying to steal my groupies?

I presume country's post was about me, I feel flattered.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 20:53:10

Your groupies are crap Murder, it takes them too long to put their slippers on

usualsuspect Thu 07-Feb-13 20:54:30

I think she said you were up yourself, murder grin

and had an unpleasant online manner.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 20:55:37

ooh i got distracted by QI and forgot to go out to fight. maybe you deserve the groupies after all earlier. grin

murder you should feel flattered. she professed her love for you and said that you were the most beautiful MNer and how she wished you could be hers, but MNHQ got jealous and deleted it. wink

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 20:57:02

I saw what Booyhoo saw, murder, but then she's my groupie so she would say that wouldn't she grin

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 20:58:41

grin

Ah but my groupies get badges

"murder you should feel flattered. she professed her love for you and said that you were the most beautiful MNer and how she wished you could be hers, but MNHQ got jealous and deleted it."

But of course, how could she not adore me.

Honestly country, I'm flattered, but I'm a married woman!

"and had an unpleasant online manner"

Can't have that can we now? After all, MNHQ tend to delete posts by people with an unpleasant online manne... oh wait..

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:01:55

sorry earlier, but i know a good badge when i see it. <runs in slippers to goths>

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:02:36

Stop with the bribery Murder. grin my groupies get a mug

<falls off chair>

Now that is a good mug! grin

FrameyMcFrame Thu 07-Feb-13 21:03:44

You still haven't said what the job is. Might have some bearing on it?

TuftyFinch Thu 07-Feb-13 21:05:07

Are you all murdering groupies? That's not kind. Not kind at all.
.
.
<leaves thread>

Spamspamspam Thu 07-Feb-13 21:07:29

Bloody hell I have read it all now - unforeseen disabilities?? I ask you. . .

I know a couple who are exactly the same - he is a plumber who for some reason never has any work. She is a stay at home mum to a ten year old who has not worked for 11 years despite doing the same job as me 13 years ago.

In one of my roles offered him simple plumbing jobs - unblocking toilets that we were paying £85.00 plus vat to dynarod or similar - he had to travel 5 miles to get there it took 10 mins and he was guaranteed £80 a time but he said he wAs too good for clearing toilets. They were So so desperate for money and she is often tearing her hair out it makes me so so crosssad

I then offered for him to quote for a new boiler in my house I got three quotes 1. £1200 2. 1900 and him " somewhere between £2,500 and £3,00" after three days of waiting for his verdict with no definitive cost we went with 1. And have had a perfectly working boiler for 4 years. He wAs shaking his head and wondering how on earth people could do it so cheap when all the bloke did was take out old one, fit the new one that we bought off the Internet and register it - simple!

Makes me so cross sad

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:07:40

I want that mug.

"unforeseen disabilities"

You really have seen it all, mostly in your imagination. It's unseen disabilities, as in not visible. HTH

sunshine401 Thu 07-Feb-13 21:10:15

You offered them a job good deed of the week smile

But there is no need to be annoyed for them turning it down you offered they said no so no need to worry.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:10:34

Now now Murder, they could be unforseen. In that they didn't see them coming.

Unlike the OP of this thread who saw us all coming.

SoWhatIfImWorkingClass Thu 07-Feb-13 21:11:31

Something very very similar happened with us this week. My
DP is currently unemployed and I work but I am currently on mat leave and due to give birth early March. I feel very vulnerable at the moment and my DP is my rock, and with him being off work it is a bit of a godsend to be honest as he's always going to be free at the drop of a hat. He's also there to sort out childcare provisions should I need to go to hospital.

Now, this week my uncle told me that his place of work are taking on and he had told his boss that my partner is looking for work, so his boss offered for my DP to come and have a look and see what he thinks of the job. My uncle was also aware of our situation, that it may not be that easy at the moment, but the offer was there anyway.

We did turn down the offer as I'm due in 3 weeks time and don't want to mess the employer around as well as complicating things even more for us. My partner will resume job hunting after baby is born but right now it would just cause more stress than alleviate it to be honest.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 21:13:55

Woah woah woah don't blame me for this fall out! You managed that on your own!

The job isn't a skilled trained job but requires a certain level of training iyswim. Like I said I'm vague because I don't want to out myself.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:15:17

"She is a stay at home mum to a ten year old who has not worked for 11 years"

well tbf i think the 10 year old has a valid reason for not working for 11 years. grin

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:16:15

pondering why didn't your DP offer it to both of them?

grin @ Booyhoo

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 21:17:36

Because he had the skill set required for the job, she didn't.

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 21:18:16

So I say a poster is 'up themselves' but another poster says that other posters are'cunts' and mine is the post that is deleted!

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 21:19:18

confused

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 21:19:45

Seriously there is no sinister ulterior motive behind this. It was a genuine offer to people who have made it VERY clear they're struggling and it was turned down out of hand. It annoyed me. I won't be opting to spend much time in their company any more because the tone of the conversation will land up to their financial situation (by their making, they always turn the conversation to a whinge). It's no big deal it just annoyed me at the time. Nothing more.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:20:19

Murder's cunt was a "cunts in general" it wasn't aimed at any cunt specifically.

Your post was.

Hence you were deleted and she wasn't. For her cunts.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:20:29

country you know how this works. you have to report the post or HQ dont know it exists. if it bothers you, report it.

Haven't you read the Talk Guidelines? No personal attacks.

earlier I try not to aim things at specific cunts.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:21:56

I like my explanation better <huffs> grin

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:23:22

specific cunts are the worst kind

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:24:10

especially specific cliques of groupie cunts Booyhoo. They are the absolute worst kind.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 21:24:24

Could be worse you could be taking a punt at a random cunt

Cunt punting. The new sport.

Snazzynewyear Thu 07-Feb-13 21:24:55

I don't blame you OP, you're not obliged to listen to people's moaning.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:25:35

or aiming cunts at specific things. that can be dangerous.

"Cunt punting. The new sport."

Hahaha!

Anyway, seriously, I think you are right to just avoid them. No point spending time with people who you don't get on with.

Ponderingonaquandry Thu 07-Feb-13 21:26:38

Fire in the hole!

countrykitten Thu 07-Feb-13 21:29:39

So someone reported it? MoGs I presume. Oh you sensitive little thing you! Happy to dish it but can't take it?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:31:02

Why would you assume it was Murder? (I didn't report it before you jump down my throat).

You didn't read my post where I said I'd never seen it then? I know it's just a little thing, but reading the thread can really help you to not look a bit daft.

Spamspamspam Thu 07-Feb-13 21:35:44

Booyoo - I am fascinated, and really intrigued as to why you see 1 x 10 year old child as a reason not to work for 11 years blushshockconfused

Why on earth would one child render both parents unable to work?

Please enlighten me.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:37:25

spam re read my post.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:40:15

grin just grin

I have started a thread in chat to show off the wonderousness that is The Mug.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:40:28

oh and i havent reported anything either.

I got it, Booyhoo. grin

Right, I'm off to do something else for a bit, country try not to post anything delete worthy. And if you do, rest assured I'm not reporting it, even if I was around to see it.

Personally I find it highly amusing that I could have got under anyone's skin quite so much.

Spamspamspam Thu 07-Feb-13 21:53:51

Unforeseen/unseen

I see it as one in the same. . .depending on the circumstances

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 21:54:51

Spam - if that's the case, I would respectfully suggest you visit a dictionary sometime soon.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 21:58:31

erm, but it's not the same. the dictionary says so.

an unseen disability is one that exists but that you can't see

an unforseen disability is one that will occur in the future but that nobody knows is going to occur.

CheerfulYank Thu 07-Feb-13 21:59:30

I am NOT a benefit basher by any stretch of the imagination...I've used services when I've needed them.

And he may, or one of the family may, very well have an unseen disability.

If he doesn't, you are right to be annoyed. But I was raised to believe that (especially when you have children), you take any job going. Even if it's crap. You just make the best of it and keep looking for something better.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 22:02:19

that's the whole point though cheerful, OP doesn't know what their personal situation is. so why get annoyed when you dont know the background?

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 22:03:29

What Booyhoo said. Since she's my groupie and wants my mug.

Booyhoo Thu 07-Feb-13 22:04:59

it's a good mug.

earlierintheweek Thu 07-Feb-13 22:06:09

I know but you can get more than a mug. it's amazing. i want it so much.

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